Guy is playing games with me and I’m getting hurt

I met a guy 3 years ago. I had a crush on him, but his ex-girlfriend kept on moving us apart. We had our ups and downs and I finally cut him off out of my life. Six months later, we met again through a common friend and started to maintain a contact again. It was new for both of to us, but he had his ex-girlfriend with him all this time, they weren't committed though.

I started to feel for him. I confessed and he said he had mutual feelings for me, but he couldn't choose between me and his ex-girlfriend, who was still in love with him by the way. He said he didn’t want any of us to get hurt. Time goes by and somehow his ex-girlfriend and I are best friends. He didn't tell her about me because he didn't want her to feel bad, but neither is he letting me go.

He said he loved me and her and if he would make a decision, he would have to let go of one of us. A year later, we got into a fight because he was insecure about my every male friend. We also got physical, for the first time, and things went a little too far. Next day when we talked about what happened last night and I said I love you. He suddenly realized that he doesn't love me.

I was devasted. He made me feel so special and made me believe that he loved me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't tell any of my friends about it. I couldn't live without him, so we decided to go back to what we used to which meant I love him, but he sees me as his best friend. I got friendzoned.

I think I made some misconceptions about him. He flirted with my every friend while he made me believe that he loves me. And he had forced me to send him nudes, which I did because I didn't want him to let go. I wanted to make this work and make him fall in love with me. But all he sees is friends with benefits.

Now I don't know how to move on and let go of him while I think about him all the time. How I can make everything right between us? I really need to move on right now. He's no good for me but I love him way too much and I ignore all the negative aspects and look on the positive, that is, we are together.

Response:

Sorry to hear about your situation. When it comes to romance people have different ideas and expectations about what love entails (see love styles). For some individuals, love is like a game—a game where the goal is to win at another person’s expense. Such individuals tend to play multiple people at the same time. It’s also common for people who approach love as a game to have an insecure style of attachment (see attachment styles). The more you understand his behavior, the more likely you’ll see that there’s nothing you can do to make things better. Don’t ignore the negatives. You can’t turn this situation into something positive. Your best option is to end the friendship.

To avoid such situations in the future, when you realize that you’re starting to have feelings for someone, stop and evaluate whether that person meets your expectations for intimacy. Be very specific and identify all of the ways you need to be treated in order to feel loved and valued. If that person doesn’t have or possess those traits and qualities, don’t let yourself become more involved. Try to let people into your life that will add value to your life. When someone doesn’t fit the bill, don’t spent more time with them or get to know them better. Nothing good comes from being involved with someone who isn’t able to meet your expectations.

Hope this helps.

end of relationship | ludus | troubled relationship

Other Options:

View all tags (specific issues)
View all questions listed by topic (broader focus)

I have my own question to ask

Truth About Deception – back to our home page.