My fiancé broke up with me because I was chatting with a guy on Facebook

My fiancé was not paying attention to me. He was not giving me time. Whenever I wanted to do something, he always said, “I’m busy.” I started getting down on myself, and then I started chatting with some random guy on Facebook for a diversion.

Well, my boyfriend caught me. He broke up with me. I said, “I’m sorry so many times” and that it was not an affair—that I was just bored.

He will not forgive me.

What can I do to get him back?

Response:

This is a very common problem. When people don’t feel they are getting the attention they want or need, they often turn to others as a way of dealing with their discomfort. Individuals with an anxious style of attachment often act this way when disappointed by the amount of time and attention they are getting from a partner (see anxious attachment).

Try to assume the role of your fiancé. He caught you interacting with another guy. Probably in a flirtatious or emotionally close way. If that is the case, your actions probably violated his expectations and he no longer trusts you. If that’s what happened, there is little you can do to get him back.

If you try to pressure him, he will probably feel like you are being manipulative. It’s best to acknowledge that your actions violated his trust and you understand that he’s upset. Apologize one more time and leave it at that. If he wants to try to work things out he will. If he doesn’t there’s nothing you can do to make it happen.

With that said, you can learn a lot through this experience. Always discuss your feelings with your partner as they arise. When you aren’t feeling important, loved or valued, share that with your boyfriend (see talk about problems). Try your best to avoid acting on those feelings by reaching out to someone else for attention. It rarely ends well.

We wish we had better advice to offer, but sometimes the best option is to learn from your mistakes and take actions to prevent it from happening in future relationships.

 anxious attachment | end of relationship | trust issues

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