Concerned about my girlfriend’s emotional stability
I have been together with a girl for over a year. A couple months after we got together I found out I had contracted Chlamydia from her as I had been checked for STD’s previous to us starting to date and hadnbeen with anyone.
I confronted her about it so she could get checked out and that lead to us talking about our sexual history because I asked her when the last time she was with someone. She said it was her previous boyfriend and that she had less then 10 people total she had slept with.
It then came out a few weeks later that she had actually been with at least 2 other guys since her and her boyfriend broke up 6 months prior to us meeting. One being a co-worker that she had flirted with for years and another being a long-term friend with benefits.
It did not sit well with me that she had lied when we were dealing with something like an STD. We had our share of fights about that and she always told me it happened whenever she was drunk.
Fast forward 8 months and one night when she was drunk she was being very probing about how I feel about her to which I didnwant to have that discussion in the state she was in. She kept asking me what I wanted to know about her sexual past. I told her I donwant to know anything else because it’s better that way.
She kept asking and I kept telling her I didnwant to know anything. Finally I said, "Whatever, tell me whatever you want" that’s when she said, "How about that I have been with over 50 guys, how does that make you feel?"
I said, "not very good" to which she said "yeah, me neither. I’m pretty much a whore." I was in shock. I told her not to say anything and she just blurted it out.
This is quite a thorn in my side now, she blames all of it on drinking but I am one who believes people have the power of self-control and if you know what causes it then you know what to do to stop it.
What should I do? She has lied to me about things and after hearing what I heard I donthink she has respect for her body at all and may have more serious emotional issues then just the normal depression and anxiety that she takes medication for.
I need your help to sort this all out because right now I am on overload and just canthink straight.
Response:
Discovering a lie or betrayal is never fun. However, you can learn a lot from these experiences. One thing you may want to consider is the issue of self-control. Not everyone has the same degree of control over his or her emotions and behavior. Some individuals struggle more than others.
From the information you provided, it sounds like you are fairly responsible. It also sounds like your girlfriend has some larger issues she is trying to deal with. Your girlfriend lied to you about her past sex life, when it had consequences in terms of your health. Later, your girlfriend didn’t confess to you out of remorse. Rather she goaded you into a conversation you did not want to have.
When people show little respect for themselves or their partners, it is important to note. The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships. Being involved with someone who has little respect for themselves or their relationships is probably not in your long-term best interest.
With that said, the kindest thing you can do is try to get your girlfriend the help she needs. Counseling is her best option. Think about how you would want someone to treat you in a similar situation. And at the same time, take care of your own needs, even if that means ending the relationship.
past sexual history | troubled relationship
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