Caught my boyfriend sexting – is that cheating?

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 months now. We have always has a great time together. This is both our first relationship, and he lacks in communicating with me. He had always been guarded over his phone, but always goes through mine. When he last came over, I saw him chatting with someone. He told me it was someone from camp. He later fell asleep, and when he did, I went on it and checked. He has been sexting random people through kik clamming it only happened for about a week. He told me he gets off to it. I felt disgusted and lost all trust in him after he lied to me. Do you feel like this is cheating? Is it worth trying to trust him again?

Response:

To begin with, it’s never a good idea to let double standards into a relationship. If your boyfriend can check your phone, but you can’t check his, then that’s not fair. Relationships are partnerships where both parties abide by the same set of rules and expectations.

And relationships are held together by the expectations partners place on each other. We expect a lot from our partners and vice versa. A betrayal occurs when a partner violates an agreed upon expectation. Did you and your partner discuss the issue of sexting? If your boyfriend agreed not to engage in sexting, but did, then you’re right to feel betrayed. If you never had the conversation, it’s ok to feel hurt and disappointed, but he didn’t necessary betray your trust. For any relationship to work, partners need to make their expectations clear. When partners don’t make their expectations clear, hurt feelings and misunderstandings are common.

Our best advice is to make your expectations explicit and make sure that the same rules apply to both of you (no double standards).

And if your partner violates one of your agreed upon expectations, then you can work at rebuilding trust (see rebuilding trust).

 cheating boyfriend | text messages | trust issues

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