Boyfriend continues to message another woman
I have a question in regards to my boyfriend interacting with another girl. He has always been very friendly with girls, but this time I feel it went just a little too far. He and this girl have been messaging each other being funny mostly, so I didn’t feel like it was anything to worry about, even though it did feel like they were pretty close friends.
Then, at a party, he was totally drunk and held her hand. I felt we talked it over and everything was fine again. He even told me, they’ll never hang out again and he won’t speak to her. However, they still keep messaging each other, even though he told me he wouldn’t.
I’m not sure, if I should be worried. He’s told me he’s bad at breaking it off with people and that he’s not into her at all. But I just can’t over the fact that he said he’ll do one thing and then take a 180-turn. I feel lied to, but maybe that’s only the fault in his character and I should accept it?
You’re right to feel hurt and betrayed. Your partner made a promise to you and then he didn’t follow through.
In situations like this, it helps to focus on how your boyfriend’s actions made you feel. Did his behavior make you feel sad, confused, and disappointed? Explain to your boyfriend how his actions made you feel. Ask him to see the situation from your perspective (see talk about problems).
It also helps to talk about the expectations you have for being in a relationship. Is it appropriate for him to consistently message another girl? What’s the limit and where do you draw the line? To help you identify your expectations, reflect back on your emotions. When you’re feeling hurt or upset, your boyfriend has probably crossed the line. Do your very best to be clear about where that line is and communicate your expectations to your boyfriend. Also, ask him if he understands where you’re coming from and does he agree with your expectations. If he doesn’t agree with your expectations, then you might want to consider whether the rewards of the relationship outweigh the costs of being with him.
If your boyfriend agrees with your expectations, then explain to him how you feel betrayed when he says one thing and then does another. Tell him that these types of betrayals do damage to a relationship and make it difficult for you to trust him and feel close to him.
If your boyfriend continues to violates your expectations after you’ve discussed everything with him, then it’s also useful to reflect on whether the rewards outweigh of the costs of being together. In the long run, relationships work best when partners try to honor their agreements and keep their promises.
I have my own question to ask
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