My wife says that I do not ask her questions about her day

My wife says I don’t ask her about her day. She says "you do all kinds of nice things for me, but you never ask me about the specifics of my day."

I told her men and women communicate differently.

She said "I care about what’s going on in your life, and so I ask and I really listen". You don’t. You just "do" little things for me.

What should I do? I told her it’s a men and women thing. Is it? Or am I wrong?


Great question. Yes, men and women do communicate differently. Women are more likely than men to ask questions, while men are more likely than women to interrupt the person who is speaking.

While these differences probably exist in many relationships, it helps to look at the feelings they produce in your own relationship. From your wife’s question, it sounds like she doesn’t feel understood. That is, she knows about your day, but you don’t know about her day.

And not feeling understood in a close relationship can lead to problems. Everyone wants their partner to understand where they are coming from (see feeling understood).

So, if you want to fix this problem, our best advice is to find some simple ways to make your wife feel more understood. Ask her questions about her day. Ask her how she feels about certain issues. Make a game of it; try to guess what she is feeling.

If you can make your wife feel understood, she’ll be much happier, ultimately making your life easier in the long run.

And by making your wife feel understood, she won’t have the need to share what’s going on in her life with someone else. Serious problems in a relationship can emerge when a partner feels the need to be understood, but turns to someone outside the relationship to do so.

When partners turn to someone else for understanding, it creates a sense of intimacy and closeness with another person. And the more people feel intimacy and closeness outside the relationship, other problems are more likely to follow: a need for understanding can lead to an extra-marital affair (see who is likely to cheat).

Hope this helps.

 emotional affair | save relationship | shows no interest | troubled relationship

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