My boyfriend keeps letters from past relationships
Why does my boyfriend keep letters from his ex-girlfriends?
My boyfriend said that the envelop from his ex was in storage and that he read it again. But later I had a feeling he didn’t throw it away and I was right he kept it. This strikes me as weird because he has thrown away all of the letters and cards I have ever given him. He said he has no reason to keep them, and that he doesn’t keep letters and cards from people. So, why does he keep letters from his ex girlfriends? Not one but from 2 different girls.
If he says that things like this don’t matter then how come the letters didn’t make it in the trash, if it really didn’t really mean anything? Instead it was put away carefully, this has also happened with pictures from his ex girlfriends, and I just found out that the envelop has a picture of his ex.
I understand if people want to keep pictures but letters?, even though its disrespectful to me, but at the same time I feel like if a person has to keep pictures or letters from ex-girlfriends that they still are hanging on to something.
I don’t know what the letters mean to him exactly. He always tells me I don’t trust him, but he keeps things like this from me. Trust and honesty goes both ways. I don’t keep things from him.
I’ve been thinking of ways on how to confront him about this. We’ve been dating for almost 3 years, I just had a feeling he didn’t throw the envelop away that day.
People keep letters and pictures for a variety of reasons. But, mostly because people keep such mementos because they bring back unique memories and special feelings (see why does partner talk to an ex).
And keeping letters or pictures of an ex does not necessary mean that your boyfriend loves you any less. It may just mean that he likes the memory of how he felt at that time.
And just because you are currently dating someone does not mean that that person has to give up all of their memories of the past. Asking someone to give up their keepsakes in order to show you respect is not being very respectful.
So, our best advice is not to “confront” your boyfriend about the situation. Thinking about a conversation as a confrontation usually turns it into a confrontation. A better way to think about this problem is to view it as a discussion—a discussion where your goal is to understand his point of view without trying to judge him or change his behavior (see talk about problems).
If you try to understand why those past memories are so special to him, without reacting in a way that makes him feel ashamed or fearful of your reaction, you may find that understanding how he feels will bring you closer together. What you hear may hurt your feelings or make you feel inadequate in someways, but you can’t change his past memories. And if you try to understand how he feels about the situation, he will most likely try to see the situation from your own point of view. Such a genuine sharing of feelings may help create greater intimacy and understanding, if you can learn to keep your anxiety and fears from coming out in hostile and/or defensive manner.
And sometimes relationships work best when couples feel close and secure, but also permit each other to have a sense of their own identity. Relationships usually don’t work when people feel threatened and try to control aspects of their partner’s behavior, aspects which people are entitled to—such as memories of their past and keepsakes which are important to them.
Hope this helps.
I have my own question to ask
Truth About Deception – back to our home page.
- My ex-boyfriend has moved on with his life and I can’t seem to let go of the anger, resentment and hurt feelings
- My girlfriend has setup a date with another guy
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