My wife left me after 25 years of marriage

My wife and I separated 8 weeks ago after 25 years of marriage. No outside parties were involved (at least from my side), but after agreeing to live in the home until it was sold (the house was already on the market) my wife moved into her sisters home.

I then found myself a flat so she could move in to spend time with our children (24 & 18) and also so I could move on if our marriage was over.

The problem I have is that all during our separation my wife has made no contact with me unless it was to do with the children or the house and then only by text. The only time she spoke to me was if I rang her.

The reason we separated was because we had drifted apart although I only recall this happening during the last 6/8 months of our marriage.

After we had separated 7 weeks I decided to write a letter to my wife telling her my feelings towards her and to make a proposal to try and reconcile our relationship and suggested we meet to talk about this or at least to explain to me what had happened to her love for me if she could not re-kindle her love for me.

Again all I got back was a text message saying she had nothing to discus and was very distant to me when I phoned her.

Her actions towards me don’t make sense and I can only think she I hiding a secret from me like she has found another man.

I would be grateful as to your views on the matter.

Thank you

Response:

Unfortunately, your story is all too common. Most couples get divorced after 4 to 6 years of marriage or they wait till much later in life, usually right around the 25 year mark.

When divorce occurs later in life, it is usually the result of couples growing apart over the years, or it involves a couple that never really belonged together in the first place. And late life divorce is becoming a growing trend (see late life divorce).

In such cases, couples usually stay together for the children. And it’s not unusual for a partner, who is unhappy, to bear through an unsatisfying marriage until the time comes when they feel free to leave.

Generally speaking, most people initially try to work to improve their marriage, but if little comes of such efforts, most people eventually give up trying. Instead, they simply wait for the right time to come, often leaving a spouse by surprise. And more often than not, it is the woman who decides to leave.

From the sound of your question (given her complete lack of interest), is it possible that your wife made the decision to leave the relationship a long time ago, and you are just now having to deal with her decision?

If you had to look back on your relationship—how do you think she viewed it (see worth saving)?

Unfortunately, if your wife has been planning this for a long time, then there is probably little you can do to change her mind.

Your wife may or may not be seeing someone else, but in either case, that is most likely not the real issue.

Based on her lack of wanting any contact with you, it may be as simple as this: Your wife isn’t interested in being in a relationship with you anymore.

When marriages fail people often spend their time looking for alternative explanations because the simplest explanation is too painful to acknowledge.

We wish we had a more encouraging perspective to offer…

 end of relationship | shows no interest | suspect cheating | worth saving

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