I am having trouble letting go

I have a daughter with a girl I am deeply in love with. We lived together and we were engaged. But, while she was pregnant I cheated causing us to break-up. Then we got back together and then broke-up again. Recently, I moved closer to her and got an apartment with her to start over as a family. Unfortunately, it ended soon after.

Now every time I call her or hear about her and another guy I get this sick feeling. I curse at her and call her all kinds of names. But, deep inside I know I love her and it makes me mad that she doesn’t understand. But, if I know she is out with someone I will call her phone like 50 times till she picks up. It is almost like an obsession.

How do I just let it go? And why if I love her do I say all types of mean and terrible like I wish she would die or if she was here I would spit in her face. I feel that if I can’t be with her, then I can’t live. I’m 29yrs old with this and this problem is only with her. Someone has to help me free this rage. I love her but why would I want to hurt her?

And why if she loves me is she with someone else. It really pisses me off. I need help before something bad happens or I just lose touch of reality. Please help me stop the pain.


We strongly recommend that you see a counselor about this situation as soon as possible. It will not get better unless you take an active role in getting help (see counseling resources).

The feelings you are experiencing, if not dealt with professionally, will often escalate until it goes too far and someone gets hurt—an outcome that is not in anyone’s interest.

The feelings you are experiencing are called unrequited love. You love your girlfriend, but are having a difficult time accepting the fact that the relationship is over. And the fact that she is with another man, just fuels your jealousy even more. Many individuals have a difficult time acknowledging the end of any relationship because doing so causes enormous pain and a tremendous sense of loss.

So, rather than acknowledge that the relationship is over, you channel your anger and rage toward your girlfriend, in an attempt to control her. This will not work. It will only create more distance between the two of you. And if not controlled, you take the risk of hurting her and you may run afoul of the law (for stalking, harassment, and perhaps assault).

You need to acknowledge the fact that the relationship is over and deal with the pain and suffering that goes along with it. It is in your best interest to stop directing your negative feelings toward you ex-girlfriend in an attempt to control her. Doing this will only make matters worse.

Again, please see a counselor to help you cope with your feelings before they cause you, your ex-girlfriend, and your daughter serious problems.

 control issues | end of relationship | my infidelity | unrequited love

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