My husband won’t work at improving our marriage
A year ago I discovered that my husband had been involved for five years with prostitutes, encounters, escorts, etc. I also learned that he had a current girlfriend. He admitted it to me and said everything was over. He continues to go to strip clubs and watches porn even though I have implored him to stop.
He says he’ll never cheat, but he can’t promise anything else.
Now he says I am insecure, controlling, and narcissistic, but he won’t leave. He also says we have to try for the kids, but refuses any counseling alone or together.
I feel helpless and hopeless.
I’m trying to be strong enough to either accept things as they are or ask him to leave.
I don’t think I will ever really get over it. I think about it every day. I don’t think I’ll ever trust him. I’m not perfect, but I would have rather he’d left instead of cheat.
Am I betraying my teenage children if I ask him to leave? I’ll never stop loving him, but I know his love for me is not the same as mine is for him.
Response:
It is impossible to have a relationship without trust. Trust is essential—trust allows to people to work together toward a common goal. If you don’t trust your husband, essentially, you are two separate individuals living together, not a couple.
Furthermore, it doesn’t sound like your husband has much interest in trying to improve what remains between the two of you. You can’t fix this on your own. Relationships require two people working together. The type of inequity you are dealing with is simply not fair.
Ideally, children are raised in an environment where there is lot of love and mutual concern. Staying together for the sake of the children—where there is a lack of empathy and disrespect—does not help anyone.
Think of the example you are setting for your children. Do you want them to learn that marriage is about inequity and disregard for a partner’s feelings?
If your husband refuses to cooperate with you in trying to make your relationship better, you should go to counseling on your own. Sometimes ending a relationship the best thing to do.
suspect cheating | trust issues
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