How can I tell if there is someone else?

I have met a guy at work and two years ago we started going out for happy hour and then either to my house or his house for sexual relations. In the two years, I have never seen him on the weekends and only maybe once a week, always on Monday or Tuesday.

I at first thought he might be married but he has me over to his house quite often. I’ve tried breaking it off but we seem to be getting closer. He even told me he loves me last month.

Both of us have been married to others many years ago for a short time and no kids (we are both in late 40s). His excuse for not seeing me on weekends is that he needs to get stuff done.

I wish I knew if there was someone else or if he is just playing the field and I’m the reliable stand by. I know this doesn’t look good but he always draws me back in when I try to break it off.

How can I know for sure and what to do? I have asked him directly these questions and he laughs them off.

Response:

Rather than asking him questions directly, it might be better to share your feelings with him.

Tell him that you are concerned—that he only limits his contact with you to specific days of the week and how the makes you feel. Tell him that you are frustrated and would just like to know where the two of you stand. Be calm, but get to the heart of your feelings.

Do not make accusations or ask judgmental questions, rather ask him to see the situation from your point of view by emphasizing how it makes you feel.

If he still laughs you off, then you know that things are NOT going to change. And then you can make informed decisions about what is best for you.

And the following article might be useful: how to talk about problems.

Hope this helps.

troubled relationship

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