My girlfriend has setup a date with another guy

My significant and I have been having problems for about 6 months. It started when she changed her relationship status on facebook to "it’s complicated". I got on my knees and asked this person to marry me, and she accepted prior to this. She never changed her status, and would change it to "single" if she was mad at me. I should note we have a 10 month old daughter together. We have had problems off and on since then, but nothing that I thought was a "deal breaker". She has said she is moving out probably 5 times at least, but has not left. About 2 weeks ago, she found a dirty picture on my phone. She said she was leaving; I went through 2 days of hell, thinking my life was over. I really do love this person and want(ed) to spend my life with her. I thought we had made up, but I guess not.

She has had 2 guys that have told her how much they want to be with her since we have been together (about 2 years). She was married when we met, and these guys knew her then. I found text messages on her phone to one of them, he was asking her out on a date, and she said yes she would go sometime with him. This was 2 days ago. Today I found a text she sent to a friend that she was going out to dinner with the other one this week, and she was really excited about it. She looked me in the face and told me she was going out to dinner with a girlfriend this week, before I found her message. I also found one from one of her girlfriends that if she needed help moving she would help. I am already raising 1 child (9 year old boy) part time, I can’t do this again.

Do I confront her about this? Do I wait until she goes out to dinner and try to get someone to catch her (I am assuming I will be home with our baby when she goes out)? Do I go out and try to catch her? I hate it knowing I hurt her with the picture, but I can’t go back and take it back, I would if I could. I can’t deal with cheating, if she goes out with this guy whatever we have left will be gone, I would never be able to trust her again. I don’t know if I will be able to anyways, knowing she is lying to me. What do I do?

Response:

Our best advice is to spend some time thinking about what you truly want. Do you want to try to save your relationship? Or do you want it to be over?

If you want it to be over, then “confront” her about lying, or try to “catch” her cheating (see confronting a partner). Doing so, will almost certainly destroypwhatever trust is left in your relationship. And once trust is gone, there is really no point in being together.

On the other hand, if you want to try to work at fixing your relationship, our best advice is to talk to her about how you are feeling, before she goes on a “date” with someone else. And we suggest that you talk to her about your feelings rather than “confronting” her (see talk about problems).

If you can get her to empathize with your point of view, then you might be able to work things out with her. And it sounds like there are a lot of important issues that need to be worked on such as commitment, trust and respect (see healthy relationships).

But, if you talk to her about how you are feeling and she does not empathize with your situation (or you fail to understand her point of view—relationships require two people demonstrating empathy), then that might be a pretty good indicator of what lies ahead.

When couples stop trying to make each other feel understood, it is a pretty good sign that things are not going to work out in the long run. Or at the very least, that professional help is needed to try and work things out.

Hope this helps.

 cheating girlfriend | confront lying | save relationship | troubled relationship

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