Why did my boyfriend have an online affair

I just found out that my boyfriend of almost 6 years has been cheating on me with a 21 year old girl he met online.

He told me that he took a job in Michigan for the opportunity (we lived in NC) and in reality he moved there to be with this girl. When the girl broke it off with him he apparently harassed her. He still lives in MI and I was just up there visiting thinking nothing was wrong.

He pretended everything was fine; he got up for work everyday. I found a suspicious email address in his computer where he was pretending to be his fictional female best friend trying to convince the 21 year old girl to take him back. He has always been a liar, but I only ever caught him lying about stupid things like that he did go to prom when he didn’t.

I told his mother what I found out and she told me that she and her husband are getting divorced because he has been cheating with someone from online too. This is like a nightmare. I know this guy is obviously a loser and has a lot of issues and possibly a mental problem, but I keep thinking of the guy I have loved for more than 5 years and don’t understand how he could do this to me.

What is wrong with him?

Please help me understand.

Response:

Unfortunately, your boyfriend was probably lying to you about serious issues from the start, you just didn’t see it.

And it doesn’t help to blame yourself—that is the nature of love—love makes people blind to the truth. Most people have a difficult time seeing a lover’s lies (see catching lovers lying). Furthermore, online affairs can be very easy to hide (see online affairs).

And why did he do this to you? It can be difficult to accept, but not everyone views love the same way. For some people, love is a game—a game where individuals try to manipulate other people (see ludus).

Because people are so different from each other in a lot of important ways, we encourage couples to go slow at the start of a relationship—limit sexual activity and emotional involvement as much as possible.

Once you become emotionally and sexually involved, it can be very difficult to see things clearly—and this is how people make mistakes when it comes to love and romance—moving too fast early on (see romantic attachments).

Hope this helps make sense of what happened to you and how you can prevent it from happening again in the future.

 cheating boyfriend | ludus | online cheating | playing games

Other Options:

  • View all tags (specific issues)
  • View all questions listed by topic (broader focus)

I have my own question to ask

Truth About Deception – back to our home page.


Past Comments 5

 
comments powered by Disqus