Past Comments – I am crazy about someone who doesn't love me back

Comments (154)

written by StuckinLimbo, 06 October, 2008
I wish you’d given advice on how to fall out of love with someone. Its so easy to say walk away, move on, stop seeing the guy, stop feeding the need. The thing is, being in a similar situation, I can guess that the original poster knows what she has to do, probably knows she is being used, but simply cannot move on.

I know that I cannot move on. I wish I could. I wish I could go for an hour without thinking about him, wanting him, needing to be with him, talk to him.

So I’ll continue to trawl the internet, hoping to find advice on how to stop feeling this way...
written by julz, 25 May, 2009
I know how u feel. i love someone and someone them that i like him, but i don’t know what he thinks about it. all i know is he obviously doesn’t like me back. although, i am young so i didn’t let him know that i am now "in love" with him simply because he isn’t mature enough to know what i really mean. i want to hate him. i don’t like anything about him, but i can’t stop loving him. what should i do? i ask all the time. but get no answers. i just go with what happens each day and that’s it. no matter how many tears i cry for no reason. so that is the only advice i have. like i said, it’s hard to find advice for that, just go with whatever happens each day and that’s that. no matter how bad it is...
written by ..., 12 June, 2009
i feel the same exact way about someone.
written by esparza, 17 June, 2009
dear girl, I know how you feel, but let me tell you something that will probably hurt you a little bit, you could have helped all the bad things that happened to you.Loving someone more that yourself is the biggest mistake ever, that is why he doesnt love you, that is why he treats you the way he does, you can`t say that you would do everything for him, specially after all the pain he made you feel, look at yourself in the mirror and stop thinking stupid things.He doesnt want you ,and hew will never do, no matter if you had sex it was the only thing he wanted from you, but it doesnt mean that you dont deserve to be loved by somebody else, como on you are young and must love the live and body god gave you do it for you, and never see that man again I know it will hurt, but believe me if you continue seeing him, he will continue treating yo like garbage,
written by Eule, 18 September, 2009
I wish you well. I have known the pain of loving someone, being loved by them in return, and then the rejection afterwards. It is so difficult to accept that what had seemed so wonderful and true was, in fact, not so. I loved my ex for a long time after he left me. He even contacted me again after he had embarked on a new relationship. It was the hardest thing in the world to say to myself – no, I deserve better treatment than this. It didn’t feel right at the time, but I stuck to it and now I am glad. He was only using me and I think if you read back over your post, you’ll see that your guy is similarly inclined. HE HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND!!! That is all the evidence that you need.

I know you feel heartbroken and desperate right now, but as the saying goes "this too will pass". Give yourself a period of time to mourn him – say 2 months – during which you resolve to try at least ONE thing every day that makes you feel good about yourself. By all means cry for the rest of the day, if that’s what you want, but you have to make ONE effort to feel good. And it must be something totally unrelated to this man. (no cheating!!)

Next, if he contacts you, do NOT take his calls, emails, texts or whatever. He is cheating on his girlfriend, so that should tell you something about the kind of guy he is. And if he doesn’t want you to be his girlfriend, why should you settle to be something less than that?

I promise you – a year down the road, you will look back and wonder what the hell you saw in him. In order to get there, you have to stop thinking that you can’t live without him. Tell yourself that, yes, you’re hurting, but equally YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS.

Good luck honey.
written by jllkil, 22 November, 2009

written by lost n love, 14 December, 2009
Im fighting the same demons. I just trust that theres a lesson to be learned. Cause i love him so much i cant see str8.
written by Been There, 27 December, 2009
Listen, you must take a leap back into reality, HE DOESN’T WANT YOU! Thinking about him and wanting him will cease with time. You can’t help the way you feel and those feelings are valid, however, stop wasting time on someone who doesn’t want you. Remember, not every one is "the one". It sounds like maybe you have some underlying issues that you should focus on and get your mind right. I don’t mean to sound harsh but why keep playing yourself? Aren’t you worth more? Life is to short to want someone or something that you cannot and will not have.
written by Strength, 29 December, 2009
Learn to deal with reality and accept it. Then pray to God and ask Him to make it go away and He will.
written by kayla belle, 15 January, 2010
i honestly think you should not get with this guy. i may be young in age but my heart and emotions are way wiser than my age. i am pretty much in the same situation and have been through some bad things with this one guy. but i am trying to forgive him so i can forget him... but it’s hard with all the communication technology going on nowadays. i cant go anywhere without hearing his name. and when im not around him im thinking about him... much like your situation. my advice is just to forget him the best you can.
written by A friendly note, 20 January, 2010
Decide to love you MORE!
written by stareeid1, 24 February, 2010
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t love at all. Love is the actions of two people within any relationship that show equality and commitment through respect.

What you have is a severe case of Lust... lust makes us want to be in love and that is in no way false, or wrong! Unfortunately those we lust after may lust after us too, but not have the same desire to share in the relationship only making the lines more blurry.

from personal experience the only suggestion I can make is to go out there and do your own thing. You need not explain/keep him updated on your new adventures. You also need not never speak to him or see him again ... just back burner him treat him like a decoration in the back of your mind (it’s not about forgetting him it’s about distancing yourself). If you still "love" him in a year and you feel the same about him – tell him again. keep telling him until you’re sick of telling him, that you love him and you get nothing in return. (You will get sick of it – or meet someone with whom you are equally attracted to him but who will be more interested in your combined futures).

written by Dejavu, 05 April, 2010
Your letter sounds like something I would have written a while back... I was lonely, and in need of love. Wasted a lot of time asking myself why not me? So not worth it...! The key here is a good support system. If you don’t have it, look for it, build it, make new friends, spend time with your family, keep yourself active, and your mind occupied, buy a 2,500 pieces puzzle, but move on, there’s someone out there for you with whom you’ll experience the mutual love you want and deserve.
written by samehere, 05 May, 2010
It is SO HARD to just let go! I am currently in this situation of being the one who loves, and getting nothing back in return.
My story is I got involved with a MM. Mistake number one. It began with flirting via e-mail, to texting, chatting, then eventually meeting each other and having sex. I didn’t want to for fear of it ending our relationship. Boy was I right! Immediately after we had sex, this HUGE wall went up. In fact, he practically rushed me out of the room! I’ve never felt so used or humiliated.
I tried through several e-mails just to find out where his mind was at, and why he didn’t want to talk anymore, but all I got were answers that made no sense!
I even told him through an e-mail that it was obvious he wasn’t interested, and he was free to go, but instead he keeps hanging on, even though I can tell he has no interest.
I get a few texts a day from him (as opposed to around 80 in the beginning!)All involving HIM, or general discussions about HIS life. He NEVER asks about me, where before, I was THE most important person in the world to him! I can’t believe it was all a lie. I shared so much of my heart with him, and he has simply smashed it under his foot.
Why does he continue to try to stay in contact? It’s obvious he has no interest so is this a guilt type thing? I don’t know, but I know I am dying inside because I truly did love him, and the pain of loving and not getting loved back, is unbearable. But what’s even HARDER, is the not knowing why! WHAT in the H did I do????
written by Tell me, 07 May, 2010
He asked me whether I love him. I said yes but he didn’t say he love me or not and we kept on smsing. What does that mean?
written by sueflay, 17 May, 2010
It probably means he doesn’t know or doesn’t want to hurt you. He probably enjoys very much spending time with you, but hasn’t thought past it much further than that. If he doesn’t say he loves you, especially if you ask him, then you need to get out of that relationship. If he doesn’t know, he won’t know. You can’t make a man fall in love with you, no matter how hard you wish it, no matter how hard you try, no matter how often or how rarely you contact him, no matter how cute or how plainly you dress. You’ll only be wasting your time and your emotions. You’ll only be causing yourself heartbreak and throwing yourself into confusion. Regardless of how much you like this guy or love him, if he isn’t loving you back, if you are //unsure// of his intentions of of his feelings toward you in even the smallest amount, then you need to get out. Start distancing yourself from him. If you can’t ask him how he feels and get the answer you want, then leave. There are millions of men in this world. And, though you may not believe this for a very long time, there is a better man than him out there that you WILL meet.
written by karma, 10 June, 2010
I love a married man. He also love me.but i know there will be no future n no result. I try to leave him many times.but i still cant leave him. I dont know what to do now.happy= suffering..........
written by caba waba, 04 July, 2010
I think I know how you feel....
I saw someone on FB that I grew up down the street from. I remember him as being a nice guy. He was also a "hottie" and still is.
Anyhow, we started e-mailing each other, which turned into texting, then talking on the phone.
He said thing’s to me like " it means so much to me that we grew up on the same street and we have a history of growing up in the same town". Well, i felt the same way.
Our conversations on the phone would get hot & steamy, practically phone sex...
Anyway, we exchanged some very racy photos and now he rarely calls and rarely answers my texts. The last few times we talked he always says his busy.
I’m not stupid, I know he lost interest. My point is that I really fell for him...and I mean hard. I think about him day & night.
And I can’t get him outta my mind and it is driving me crazy. I’m 42 and have been married and been in a few relationships, but I’ve never felt like this before. I don’t know if it’s love or obsession.
For me, I think it’s more of what could have been... But, realizing that he give up before we even got a chance to get started, well i guess it’s better then seeing, touching and feeling him.
BTW: I live in PA and he lives in CA...

written by Slindile, 20 July, 2010
I understand very well how you feel. I’ve got the same problem like yours but the only difference is that I am married and he is about to get married to someone else. To me it started with a hug and then he kissed me whilst I was busy on a phone at work and after that we kissed passionately. When I told him that I have feelings for him, he said we must not act on our feelings so as to respect our partners and ourselves. But every week we kissed passionately and it’s feels right but he always tells me that we should stop. My problem is that I can’t stop now because if we hug we ended up kissing and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know that whether he loves me but afraid of his partner. I don’t know what to do, please can someone give me some advise on how to let him go?
written by lonleylady, 26 July, 2010
I am in a similar situation. Met a guy back in January. Fell hard fast. And eventually one night I told him I loved him. He said he didn’t want a relationship. He liked me but didn’t feel we had that sort of connection.Clearly he never had feelings even remotely close to mine. He kept seeing me and we continued to go on dates. I eventually met a couple other guys. I guess in an attempt to distract myself from him. Then one night the guy I am infatuated with (I don’t want to say love because I am trying to convince myself it isn’t)text me obviously intoxicated and told me he missed me.So I saw that as an opener and lapped it right up.Within 24 hours I was asking to see him. It really messed with me. We went on a date. It went perfectly (well in my mind). Then later that night we started having sex back at his place, and I broke down right in the midst of it. I dont know its hard to admit this. But as women I am sure you might understand. Basically I wanted him to make love to me. And I realized that wasn’t going to happen. He just thought I was crazy for saying I loved him. After that he wouldn’t sleep with me again. I must say I respect him for that, he did keep talking to me through text and we hung out a couple times after (no sex). Then eventually I just became angry and irrational because I was hurt. I said hurtful things to him. Did stupid things. Now he essential wants pretty much nothing to do with me. Even took me off his facebook. But he doesn’t ignore my texts. Clearly its wrong. But I am having a hell of a time letting go. Reading the articles about Ludos and Mania love ect have really helped me put things in a different perspective. Clearly when you make someone feel superior to you naturally they are going to think they can do better if they dont feel the same love for you. Because they never had to work for you. Next time I wont wear my heart on my sleeve. I think I just came on to strong. I need to work on that I guess, also I had just came out of a four and a half year relationship before I met him. My friends and family tell me he was just a rebound.
written by mint, 26 July, 2010
Make yourself busy and try to go out with friends and family members to keep your mind occupied. It all will pass and you’ll get to learn how to be strong and tough, this is the test to better yourself and improve in all areas. Love happens all the time not only once. Nothing is stable, sadness not day happiness comes, all new amazing and different things comes.I’ve been there, just have to think positive and be happy and smile to it...It’s really easy to get over someone who you fell deeply for. Just give yourself space not him to re-think. Take care of yourself, focus on family, friends and jobs and having fun with the beautiful world around you. Cheer up!! You’ll be fine!! Good luck
written by MissX, 01 August, 2010
Thank God am not alone in this, thought it was just me who had a love for someone who doesn’t love them, it’s hard to talk about isn’t it?

I’m a lot older than most ppl who have posted, therefore should have more life experience and more sense than to carry on loving someone who doesn’t love back.

There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of and cry over this man, I think about the promises made and what should have been, internet, phone, text messages etc makes it harder to walk away so it’s easier to keep ‘track’ on someone, I keep thinking one day he’ll come back to me, that he’ll realize what he gave up. I wish there was a magic pill to take my memory away, that I could wake up one day and he’d be gone, for until that happens I can’t move on with my life, am stuck in a loop that I can’t get out of. X
written by MissyS, 05 August, 2010
I honestly don’t understand these men who act like they care and then go for days/weeks/months of acting like they never even acted that way. I love someone too who does not feel the same. One day he acts like he cares and is interested, the next he is nowhere to be found. I love him so much! I keep thinking he will see the light one day as long as I don’t appear clingy but it’s driving me crazy. Maybe if I give him time he will see. It’s been going on for 8 months now. It’s depleting my energy, controlling my moods. Love is about equality so I’m starting to think maybe I’m not in love maybe I’m just involved with someone who is selfish and prefers to just be by himself rather than get out of the "ME" mode that you have to do when you have a relationship. I am going to try to stop loving him and try loving myself more.
written by livefreeloveall, 03 September, 2010
I can relate and feel some of your pain – I also am in love with someone who is in love with someone else. As painful as it is – I have to accept the fact and move on...Not easy, but I try to recognize the situation I am in and take in the hard truth and work my way towards the happiness and love that I seek...I had a roommate that once told me why it is so hard sometimes to get over or move on, and that is because I refuse to recognize, ignore the truth/facts and refuse to accept it...Once I have figured that out – it helped me move forward and be more accepting of events that happens in our lifetime...I wish you the best and hope that you find the happiness and love that you seek. There will come a time that we will find someone that we are crazy about as they are crazy about us...

Take care.
written by being through it, 18 September, 2010
i have a similar experience where i had loved someone who did not love me at all.It will take time for you to get over that person but hard as it may sound keep away from that person it may not be easy
written by Sophie Pickering, 26 September, 2010
I have a similar experience too! :/ I love so much, I know I love him.. But he’s the sort of guy who doesn’t go out with girls, and doesn’t say when he likes them to anyone! And I’ve known him for a long time, and he uses all the faces .. Etc! And does flirt, I think.. I flirt back.. I guess.. But I know it’ll never happen.. But I really, really want to be in a relationship with him! I don’t know what to do, because it does hurt, so, so much! I wish someone could help!
written by Gofigure, 01 October, 2010
For anyone here who was the be all end all in the beginning of your relationship with this person you now can’t get over...ask yourself some questions...Was he ever interested in YOU, did he ever ask you about you? Was it always about his life, his job, his day, HIM? Did he make you feel like a queen for about a minute and then as soon as he knew he had you, all changed??? You need to read every article you can on Narcissist’s and I will guarantee at least half of you will realize you were scammed by the biggest FAKE to ever walk among women. Your questions will be answered and you begin to heal.
written by brok3n, 15 October, 2010
i read some of these and i can see and understand the pain some of you may feel yet can also see how desperate some of you sound. don’t get me wrong, i am not saying i am better than any of you. in fact, i may be worse. i have been hanging out with this guy (my best friend) for 7 going on 8 years. we have been sexual, we have lived together at times ... basically we are constant companions ... but have never put a label on us we have always been "just friends" over the years he has dated people as have, yet we always go back to this pattern. i have told him openly that i love him and he says he loves me to but is not in love. well, recently he has once again started dating a girl and being intimate with her. he has started treating me like i am just some friend he mat last week. we have tried to talk about things and he acts like it is something new that i love him and that this hurts me and doesnt understand how i could possibly feel neglected by him. i have tried to walk away from him but dont know if i can. aside from loving him, he is my best friend ... pretty much one of my only friends. i am so lost without him and have no idea what to do with my time. i cannot eat. i cannot sleep. all i do is cry. i know it sounds pathetic but i have given myself to him for 8 years and it kills me that he can just brush me aside when im inconvenient for him. i love him, i hurt and i am so tired of feeling like this. i have no will to live ... i feel empty.
written by AndyPandy, 03 November, 2010
I’m terribly sorry that you’re enduring such an awful, excruciating pain... Many find it easy to speculate how simple it is to find your bearing, to end the relationship, and to heal, but the pain of unrequited love is so personal and existential that no one else can begin to tell you how to fix it. I, too, know this pain. I’m in love with a boy that I’d give anything for. We’ve been dating, almost five months now, and when we’re together I’m in heaven. I feel more whole around him... and I want to see him all the time! He, on the other hand, is more content seeing me occasionally, at his convenience. I always instigate a meeting, be it a date or less formal, and constantly agonize over whether he wants to see me. I told him I loved him, and he reacted negatively, "I don’t want to hear those kinds of things." Further more, only a select few (four total) of his friends know my existence, and none of his family are aware. I make myself available to see him, and express my desire to do so, and more often than not, I’m left in limbo- that is, I’m left waiting for him to call... which he usually does not. It hurts far more than I EVER would have thought. I cry till it hurts. I hold my phone everywhere I go, afraid I’ll miss his call. I love him, and I can’t leave him. God help us both.
written by ger71, 07 November, 2010
written by ....., 11 February, 2011
I’ve known someone from when the school had started and i fell in love with him at first sight ..... i told him that i love him and and he wanted to meet me....but i couldn’t ....then after a couple of weeks(we were friends all this days)i realized that he had made up with a girl......she was really jealous..... she has even sent me sms from her boyfriend’s mobile phone .... now he don’t talks to me as much as before and i feel that i am loosing a very good friend.....i never stop love him but i would like to be at least friends
"sorry if the spelling of some words is wrong but i am not really good at English"
written by experience, love é bomaka., 24 February, 2011
Im in love with someone. At the beginning of our relationship, I was not really paying a lot of attention to him. Strangely, he was!! He used to look at me as if I was everything at once. I was important for him when he wasn’t really for me. I remember him telling me that he needed to be part of my life and feel like he was important to me. I was touched, i think somehow I decided to open the door of my heart. I regret now. It seems that the "terms of trade" have changed. Now i feel like im leaking his boots. Even taking 5min to talk to me is what he calls an "opportunity cost". Well I know we are very busy lately, but my love for him has not changed because of that. No. I took me to open my heart’s door, I just feel like if I close this one i won’t be strong enough to open another one.I am a very strong and confident lady, but when it comes to my heart, i dont know where she’s gone? I need her back! I need my sunshine back.It hurts and its so unfair! I feel like a slave trying to find the escape!I have an excess of love to give but it seems like im receiving an excess of pain. Its enough, I need to see my lovely sunshine! (floetry:"sunshine")
written by Rizzo, 02 March, 2011
Five years and counting... thank you, glad to know I am not alone. Some times the heart wants what the heart wants... I don’t understand my own heart... needs to get together with my head. Have the feeling you are all young... I am close to (OMG 60) and I still have the same feelings. Why do relationships seem so difficult, wasn’t like that at 18??????
written by male, 02 March, 2011
It seems like there’s a lot of heartache here. I don’t even know what this website is, I just typed in loving someone who doesn’t love you back, and here I am typing from my phone. As my name states I’m a 28 year old male who is terribly in love with somebody who doesn’t want me.

So your not alone ladies, the only thing is as a guy I can’t express how I feel other than this anonymous posting. It’s funny cause I had her body but I wanted her soul, cheesy but true. After closing my eyes and seeing her smile for the millionth time and wishing I had her by my side this cloudy night. I realized life is too short to continue to pine for somebody who doesn’t want you. It’s funny cause when I picture my future I imagine myself with her. But its time for a.reality check people she doesn’t want me and the guy doesn’t want you.

It’s best just to move on, I’ve passed on some nice ladies just to hold the possibility of something happening. I don’t know I’m just rambling now. I’m not going to say you are special or need to find somebody who loves you the way you need or deserve. Cause shit happens and I don’t believe in karma, learn from your mistake and move on. Go cold turkey, delete their number,fb profile everything.
Our time is so limited on this mudball we might as well not waste it trying to get somebody who doesn’t want you.
written by Moose, 19 March, 2011
Unrequited love? Is there any other kind? Of only EVER loved girls who haven’t loved me back-I believe it was the Residents who said it best in their song "perfect love":
"there’s something I must tell you, there’s something I must say, the only really perfect love’s the one that gets away."
written by Finally Understanding, 06 June, 2011
Great post all very everyone go look up what it means to be a it in depth and you will have more insight into all of this.....really.....thanks K
written by ..., 14 July, 2011
A sociopath is somebody who exhibits sociopathy, who behaves in a way that suggests a lack of conscience. Unlike the average human, a sociopath does not feel any sense of guilt or remorse when committing morally wrong actions or actions that their society deems unacceptable. Because of this utter lack of fear for the sanctions of society, sociopaths take advantage of the social system and use manipulation and amoral behaviors to obtain their goals. The types of behaviors they exhibit are those that would make someone with a conscience uncomfortable.

written by ..., 14 July, 2011
Wow.You guys. It is July 14th, 2011 and almost one year ago today I wrote a post in response to this ladies story about her troubled relationship. Well its been one year. And after 3 months of not talking the the guy I was "infatuated" with we began to speak again...strangely the second time around was much different we actually started a relationship...however every 3 months we would break up. Now tonight I typed the very same question into the google search engine "Why do I love someone who doesn’t love me and I came to this page, started reading the posts...and suddenly I came to this ONE post and after reading 3/4 of my way through it...I thought omg this women has been in my exact shoes...and then I realised it was my post from last year!. It was so weird...moral of the story somethings never change. THESE MEN WILL NEVER LOVE US. THEY JUST CANT. Just like the people we have met in our lives that we just didn’t love. Its time to move on and except the sad truth. MOVE ON!
written by Baileyisa, 23 July, 2011
I have been trying to get over someone for a year, will it ever happen? I don’t even want to give anyone else a chance, I’m just not attracted to anyone. I’m lonely and miserable and i fun into the object of my affection and his girlfriend a lot.
written by Seven Points on Ten, 07 August, 2011
Look at the lot of you, suffering because you allow yourselves to. Rather than continue sink into holes you yourselves are slaving to dig, why not prop up the ladder of logic and climb up, out, and above your one-sided attachments? It’s maddeningly simple. The object of your affection not returning what you "feel" you deserve? Set your sights elsewhere. They are but one of 6 billion two legged parasites on this biosphere. Surely, someone, somewhere will "feel" the same way as you. Personally though, I couldn’t care less about "love". I’m a proud misanthrope. People are disgusting creatures inherently, constantly dumping their waste and DNA into each other for a fleeting moment of satisfaction and contrived and disillusioned sense of self realization. Honestly, "feelings" are shackles that humanity invented for itself in order to try to make itself seem superior to other beasts who could rip us limb from limb. Life sucks because people suck at living. Well shit, I’m ranting. Whatever. I suppose now is where I say,"hope my advice helps".
written by Melissa M., 13 August, 2011
Well, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in my self destruction. Too bad we couldn’t all get together and cry a river, suffering alone sucks. So many comments that are easier said than done and why? I’ll give you the answer, hope. Yes, hope. We thrive on it, we live each day hoping that he or she will open their eyes and realize what is in front of them, us. I keep a diary of the man I love, every time he contacts me, every text, every instant message, when we meet I write down everything that was said in the conversation, so I can torture myself, because I continue to hope that he will love me back. Of course, like you, I have a rational side, the side that says "I deserve better", but the irrational side always wins. I cry, I beg God for him to love me. None of us will ever win, our feelings are so deep, it’s as if we’re stuck in a cave with no opening.
written by shazan, 16 August, 2011
love can hurt easily.. can change someone to become different person.
written by big x, 16 August, 2011
im in love with someone that doesnt know how much i love them and i am to shy to just tell them because i work better with my actions than word and i would do anything for her but im scared though i am afraid that something will happen to her and i wasnt there to protect her what should i do
written by vic, 16 August, 2011
I have been all over the internet to see if my situation is unique or if someone has experienced something similar
I’m a contractor. 3 years ago on a size able project I needed to increase my crew to 6 people. A young woman applied. I hired her. I knew at the end of the first day how good & talented she was. At the end of the project, I had to layoff several people and kept 2 including her
She has been the best carpenter I have ever hired
I started being attracted to her and the attraction kept building up
She introduced me to her lover about a year ago. Another beautiful young woman. I was crushed. It became increasingly difficult to work with her and suppress my feelings for her
She has no idea how I feel
3 weeks ago, work slowed down & I had to let her go
I thought I would be relieved and that things would get easier for me, not working with her everyday
Wrong. I was in deep. I was deeply in love with her.
Now I write letters, pray, go for walks all to deal with the loss
It’s much harder than I thought. I live in a small town so I still see her from time to time & I fear these encounters.
I would welcome any suggestions to ease the sadness
written by Hurting heart, 31 August, 2011
I met someone online and what started as a friendship became an emotional connection. We live in different countries and after 9 months of daily emails, chatting online, webcam we finally met. The attraction was overwhelming and we had four days of being together in every way. We acted like we were together in a long distant relationship and really cared about each other. He always wanted to know how I was and interested in my life. However, I have fallen in love with him but he has told me he loves me but not in love with me and I will never know how much he cares, but we can’t be in a relationship because of many factors. He doesn’t want us to be obligated and stop us finding someone else. He did want to carry on and he was not seeing someone else but my heart cracked into pieces. I told him it had to stop and in hurt I said somethings he didn’t accept like oh so i am FWB and how these excuses are actually a lot of excuses in a pretty package! He stated I have hurt him a lot with the things I said and it was not like that at all, but then how is it? He doesn’t know anymore if we can be even friends after a few arguments and my inability not to feel crushed. It really confused me when I left straight away he texted and emailed telling me how much he cares and he cried after I left and how he missed me already. I just feel so used and hurt and he feels hurt and let down by my reaction. I guess we were always on a different page...I guess I want a man’s perspective to understand this one......
written by Been There 2, 31 August, 2011
Hello everyone, I’ve been there, and sometimes I still am here with you. I have come to the realization that, yes, I do like the person a lot. No, he doesn’t recognize my love, etc. I have been in love with my pen pal for over 22 years. We have met platonically three times. In my mind, he is perfect, BUT, I have to remember it is my mind. From a cartoon strip, Mary Worth, I got good advice, which is for me to acknowledge that my career/job is not satisfying to me. Stop placing my unsatisfactory career into my love life. Find more activities, workshops, classes that I am interested in and stop dreaming the dreams and living the life. I don’t know if this helps but, because of lay offs, I am now in a new field of work, I am happy and I am trying to move on. I know we need to work in order to survive and to buy food, clothing and shelter, but recognize that you can change, for the better, or higher quality of life. Love to all of you.
written by Aishuk, 16 October, 2011
I’d also like to add my two pence worth.

I dated a man for 3 years. He went hot and cold. For this reason I decided to break it off with him. I certainly loved him more than he loved me. After I broke it off with him, he came back and told me he wanted to marry me. It wasn’t romantic or anything – he simply said lets get married. I agreed.

We have been married for 5 years in those years – again he started turning cold. We separated 3 times. Now he has finally told me he wants a divorce because he never loved me and made a mistake by marrying me.

I’m heartbroken and the pain is more than when we first dated. I’m finding it very difficult to let go.

I still love him. I built dreams about being with him for the rest of my life, turning old together, starting a family.

The funny thing is he never told me he loved me in the years we were married. When I asked him about this – he said he doesn’t need to say those words.

He picked fights with me so he could look for an excuse to end things but I would always apologize and overlook the arguments. I single handily made the marriage work until he started to insist on a divorce.

written by Sad Angel, 20 October, 2011
I love someone dearly, then we get married, after married he don’t love me anymore, I try very hard to relight the love, but failed. Now we are in a zombie marriage, no love, no caring, but roommate type.

When someone don’t love you, no matter what u do, he won’t love you. When someone love you, no matter what you do, you won’t change him. I know I have to let it be, but my question is ... how can I move on without feeling the pain, without crying?

Leave him is pain, stay is pain. What should I do? How can I avoid the pain and be strong?
written by typetotracy, 24 October, 2011
Regarding the original posting: the guy is really the crazy one – they only want what they cannot have. You cannot fix it or change it, it’s best to be mad at them and learn to dislike them completely. Been there. You have to learn to love what people do for you and how they feel about you, not love your infatuation for them.
written by Unfortunatly in love, 29 October, 2011
Unfortunately i know how you feel! I’ve been in love with the same man for 5 years and he has known for 3 of them! We used to txt/email/instant chat whilst he was with another girl! He even used to meet me and stay over night with me!! But NEVER did he want to discuss the possibility of getting together! In the end i had enough and told him i didnt want to speak to him anymore because being friends isnt enough for me. He still emails me and i ignore the emails.
Believe me it hurts everytime! Its been almost a year and i am still in love with him! I listen to songs and they make me think of him, his smile his laugh his sense of humor everything!
I wish i could hate him! I really do but for some reason i just cant! He is all i think about!
Perhaps 1 day i will get over him but atm it isnt looking likely!
What im trying to put across is that i found the strength to break it off and yes it hurts but it hurts so much less than what it would of if id let it carry on!
As for your comment about considering fallin pregnant.....DONT DO IT!! if he doesnt want to actually be with you now, a baby will certainly make his feelings stay the same!
Goodluck! It isnt easy!
written by just want to have her back, 03 November, 2011
Can someone tell me what is love but not like before... we broke up becuz of some issues, and i really want to save this relationship, is it too late for me? Its been like 2 months from now. I do know my mistakes, and she know hers too. I hope that we can sort it out, and be together again. She agreed that we both have something that not many couple has, the common likings, understanding etc. I am willing to work hard on my part, really i will. Since she said she still have the love for me just that its not like before, its normal right? As long as we put in the effort to mend the issues and iron it out? We have been together for nearly 2 years. Shs 23, am 28. After this whole time, i know i want to be there for her through her difficulties her joy and i just want her to be as happy as she was when we are together. Can someone advise me on this?
written by neverhave, 03 November, 2011
I am in this new phase of my 5 years of unrequited love. I am very angry. Some of it is sometimes towards the person of my affection, but I try to talk myself out of that because I don’t want to be angry at him. I just want to give him just a little of my pain because it gets to be too much for me. Sometimes I want to say something to hurt him really badly, but I never can go through with that because I don’t want to push him away. I want to at least keep him as a friend. I just don’t know what to do with this anger. The days when it seems uncontrollable, I make sure not to be around other people if I can. I want to put my first through a wall. I’m mad at life for doing this to me. Why did I fall for something who doesn’t love me? Why can’t there be someone in my every day life who can relate to me? Instead of people like me, I’m surrounded by people who love someone who loves them back. I am so TIRED of being on the outside looking in at that. Looking in and longing to know what that feels like. I have never known what it feels like and I am 23 years old. I can’t watch romance movies anymore. Nope. I have tried finding someone else, but the thing about this curse is that it prevents me from moving on with someone else. I can’t fall for someone else because I am soo in love with this person and no one else means as much to me. I can’t see anyone ever meaning as much to me as he does. I actually get really annoyed sometimes when other guys express interest in me because I want that same affection that they are giving me from the guy I love. So this evil unrequited love demon is making me miserable and is preventing me from pulling myself out. So what do I do? Force myself into a relationship so I at least won’t be lonely for the rest of my life? Well, I have thought about that for a split second, but decided that would not be bearable. I can’t stand the thought of someone else touching me. (I have been intimate with this guy many times btw) I can’t stand the thought of spending time with someone else and wanting it instead be him. And I definitely don’t want to end up causing someone else to feel this pain. I don’t wish this on anyone. I just really want this to end. I need a way out of this besides death which seems to be the only way out. I am constantly tortured in my mind about this and it is sucking the life out of me.
written by nache, 08 November, 2011
i hope it gets better
written by alexita, 08 November, 2011
thanks everyone all your comments help me to see what i was going through. I am going out with a guy, who doesn’t wanna nothing serious with me (for now), he said that we need more time to know each other, we have going out for almost 6 months and he still need time. i liked him a lot i really wanted a relationship. and the worst thing i tried to finish this whatever we have because he doesn’t wanna put a title to this situation so as stupid I am i tried to stop this because it hurts, but he always text that he miss me so that made me feel like he really wanna something serious with me which wasn’t true all he wants is having fun even do he seems that he cares about me, but tonight I’m gonna tell him that I’m done and that i don’t wanna see him anymore and this is gonna be the last time. this night is gonna be funny because i asked him that i wanna spent the night on his house so he doesn’t know what it’s really gonna happen tonight. thank all ur comment that made me open my eyes, probably I’m gonna be sad the next days but is for my on good.
psdt: i start feeling better
written by alexita, 10 November, 2011
hi it’s me again, like i said the other day i stopped going out the guy who was breaking my heart. that night wasn’t like i was expecting, i though everything was gonna be easy, of course he was surprise for what i did, but that wasn’t all he was expecting me to give him money for his gas wasted cuz hi lives a 40min from my house. i think i did the right thing but now i feel kind like sad i feel like i wanna cry but i don’t know why if he never cares about my he rarely text me so i don’t see no point why im getting sad, I’m trying to be strong but is getting hard. please i need an advice

written by AMAAL, 13 November, 2011
I think you will get over it if you start meeting new people
written by alexita, 13 November, 2011
where i can find new people if everyone think that i have a boyfriend all my ex thought that i was in a relationship with someone else.
written by Fatma, 24 November, 2011
I’m deeply sorry for you
written by marium, 28 November, 2011
hi i have got a boy friend who doesn’t love me. we are studying together in same college but in different classes. i am crazy about him. i really love him but he doesn’t he is very rich and belongs to allied class family. i m a middle class girl. he is confident intelligent and very serious about his life and he considered me immature. i know he likes me and used to talk to me every day but never say he loves me. he is little bit status conscious. i m destroying my every thing for him my studies, my confidence, my friendships ( with girls), and i cannot pay attention to any thing. i am least interested to everything. my mood is totally depend on him. he respects me and never abuse me even a single time. always spoke me about religion. but hundreds of time he does not reply my text. i want him. i really love him. i cannot live without him. nobody can love him more then me. but i never told him even a single time that i love him(always says i like you). i m really care about him. i have known this guy for over a year and a half but he never respond positively. i think he just wants to spend some time with me. he is really nice person but he thinks i do not deserve such a kind of non serious girl. i m in miserable condition. i do not want to break up. but i think its bitter but better for me. i should let him go and move o .. may God bless us both. from today i will never call him and never text him again INSHALLAH. because i dont want to spoil my life any more. i want to stay happy but my heart still beat only for him. he is my heart, my everything but this is the life. i have to leave him. pray for me please
written by Jayinlove, 28 November, 2011
I have known this guy for 8 years at first we were just friends then I started hanging out at his house and we would make out. We fell out of touch but found each other again 3 years ago. He had a new baby and baby mama and kept calling me and emailing me,i had a boyfriend who was in another country at the time but I told him it wouldn’t be right. We stayed in touch and I invited him out with me and my friends to the movies but he never came. We lost touch again for a couple mths until he started emailing me again and inviting me to a new years eve party I told him my bf was coming home and that would be disrespectful. We saw each other occasionally after that just hi and bye. Until this year he went searching for me asking friends we had in common for my number until I saw him and we exchanged numbers. He would text me often, then he came and visited me and the chemistry was still there and just as strong as always. He told me how things weren’t good at home and I couldn’t be with someone who had someone else(btw my bf and I had broken up some months earlier).We started dating and making out and he would tell me he loved me but I never said it back till months later. The txts dwindled and so did the calls, he stopped returning and replying to messages and calls and he would stop showing up at my house without even telling me he wasn’t coming. He never showed up on my birthday nor the get together I had without notice. He then broke up with me the day after he told me he was making plans to take my virginity(26 yrs old). I have loved this guy for many years but kept it to myself because he was off limits and when I allowed him in he was so loving and honestly I don’t know what happened. I think about him everyday he said he wanted to be friends but my mom spoke to him about the breakup and how distraught I was. All of a sudden he didn’t want to be friends,I should not txt him and that it would be best if we did not stay in touch. I was going crazy because I was so confused so I would occasionally send him messages online when I could not keep how I felt inside anymore. When I see this guy my knees literally go weak. We text each other now(I sort of initiated contact)and he still insists that he loves me but he doesn’t see us being together and he just wants to be friends.
written by Poppy2011, 28 November, 2011
I fell in love with my friend & work colleague 3 years ago. We kissed one night & I told him & obviously he freaked out but I brushed it off even though it killed me inside he didn’t feel the same way. As years have gone on we’ve had intimate times together but he continues to live with his partner & child. I still sometimes see him and as years have gone on I’d hear the ‘complaints’ of family life & how he wasn’t appreciated at home so I’d over compensate & make sure he had great gifts for his birthday despite the fact he’s never made an effort for me even on my birthday this year I didn’t even get a card. One minute he’s all over me & the next unless I text I don’t hear from him. Tonight I’ve come home after seeing him he blatantly was not interested even to talk to me! I feel so stupid and feel like I’ve let myself be used. He was meant to be a friend but he just doesn’t care. I have no one to talk to & until now reading this not heard of anyone in similar situation. I just feel hopeless & stupid my sensible part of me knows nothing will ever happen but he has this hold on me. I need to get over him but I don’t know how. I’m gonna lose a friend too not that he was ever a great one to start with. :-(
written by Older but not wiser, 29 November, 2011
I must say I related to all the above pain-and I have certainly tried all the "remedies." Keep busy! Keep distractions going! and on and on. I am even older than Rizzo, proving that unrequited love has no age limit! Being older doesn’t make you particularly wiser, but it does bring home the fact you are facing "the end" sooner than later, and how one wishes it could have been different. I’ve been to therapy, taken anti-depressants, you name it. I have tried to be just "friends". Epic fail. I still love him and when I hear from him about he and his girlfriend’s activities it is awful. He certainly cares for me and admires me, but that is not all I want. I am trying to not e-mail him, or send him a picture of something we both are interested him, and I have had some success. Look at me! I haven’t written for 2 weeks! When I do cave, or when he occasionally writes me, it sets me back to square one, so the answer of course is to cut off any communication. That is a struggle that I am having a terrible time with. We are really friends, truly, I miss joking and talking about our interests, and gossiping and so forth. I just miss him, period. All the time. Night and Day. (sounds like the song.) Am trying to pull up my big girl pants and "forget" him, but as all the above testifies, it ain’t easy. Also, when you are young, at least you have the time to pursue another romance. We also live across the country, and to add to the mess, I am married, so if I wanted to find another partner at almost 70 (which of course wouldn’t include him, and he is the only one I am interested in) it is pretty depressing. My husband is a perfectly nice man. Ah the if only’s and regrets.
written by Jayinlove, 29 November, 2011
I cry almost everyday for this man I love. I have never been on drugs but I may have an idea of what the withdrawal symptoms are like now. I think I literally feel him in my skin,my head and my heart. The tears they just flow.I wanted to be a step mom to his daughter and take care of them the best I could but he told me he loved me and then took it away in a rather callous manner.I thought I would have done anything to get him back but I manage to keep myself in check. His every feature is beautiful to me(although others may see them as faults).
written by Poppy2011, 01 December, 2011
He’s not even speaking to me now, no reply to texts and I just get the ‘feeling’ this is it, the end. As much as it breaks my heart I know things will never change & he doesn’t want to be with me or be friends so I need to let go. Listening to others on here it gives me some comfort that it’s not just me in this situation & I’m not mad!! I know I don’t deserve to be treated like this I’ve been a very good friend, probably the best he’s ever had. Easier said then done to just ‘move on’ but I have to try or I’ll never be happy.
written by So Confused/Lonely, 02 December, 2011
OMG...OK, I left my husband after he cheated on me, got a girl pregnant during our marriage, and let me take care of that baby and our baby for 6 months..I finally got smart and moved 3000 miles away from him. Ive been alone and celebrate for 4 years. Then here We go again, I meet someone that I really Really Really care/love about....he is living in a very bad situation with a woman with 4 kids...She is very negative, and he is obviously unhappy, and I really believe I love him, but he seems to be stuck to her side....What am I glut toned for punishment???
written by Poppy2011, 02 December, 2011
To So Confused/Lonely, I know exactly what you mean. I’m starting to think the stories of how they are hard done by & home life is horrible etc is merely for our benefit. If these men really cared for us we’d be with them. Obviously I understand when children are involved its not as easy but it’s not unheard of. Have you told this man how you feel? My situation has been 3 years now & I only told him I loved him once & that was the first time. As time has gone on I’m assuming he thinks I don’t love him anymore whereas I still do:-(
written by ...., 03 December, 2011
its good to help others in love
written by ........., 05 December, 2011
Wow. I feel very comforted by reading some of your stories. I am a man in his thirties that has been through some heavy stuff. The true love of my life and best Mom..died of cancer a few years back. I could not go on living in the same environment after the loss of my mother so my wife and I, packed it up and moved to another country. My wife is all I have but I generally feel lonely anyway in a foreign country, language etc. So I took a language course. I kept to myself mostly but in the end I was completely smitten by this gorgeous student that was just kind to me. Now the class has ended and I can’t get her out of my mind. I sent her some old modeling photos of myself because she does some modeling. It’s just all so stupid and I should know better. In the end, I love my wife but I feel isolated and lonely..and I just cry with feelings of sadness. I want to see this other woman desperately but I feel guilty at the same time. She knows I’m married and I feel she is being respectful by not answering my e-mails. I’m such a loser.
written by pauline, 08 December, 2011
if he wants you he will come and get you ... give him a little to know your interested then back right off for a while tell him youd love to see him but your really busy with blah blah ..then watch him chase and most important be true to yourself... do you feel comfortable with him or are you just acting like what you think he will like.. you have to think carefully can u imagine what you could be missing out on while wasting your time with someone who is only using you for there own needs and making you feel sad and down ... girls night out pamper yourself and tell your self he doesnt deserve a hot intelligent woman like me ... or treat him only as a friend dont run to his every demand .. for e.g you ask him can u fix something for me ..if hes too busy ...hes not interested if he was hed find the time to do it .. not just ask you if you can come to his talk the talk have sex and even ask you to do things for him bin himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. the end.
written by pauline, 08 December, 2011
oh but meant to say if he still emails txt ect and you are interested think b4 u reply wait a bit then txt bk 2 1 or 2 of his that relate to you but not all of them and u seem desperate for him that scares them away or they keep you as spare change x get my drift xx
written by Michelle Johannesburg, 11 December, 2011
Its all up to u, what u really want from this “relationship”, u can tell ur mind it must end but ur heart wont accept. If i was u, u would change slowly, bit by bit, meet new pple, see other life. Only then he will value ur love for him and who knows he might realize u are his other half.
All the best.
written by response to vic, 12 December, 2011
vic, I found your story moving. I think that you should go ahead and tell the woman how you feel. I say that because it is not impossible that she might have feelings for you as well (even though she has a girlfriend), and also so that you won’t have to live with the "if only I had said something" regret that you might feel later, for instance if you find out in a few years that she is no longer with her girlfriend but is in a relationship with man.

But if she isn’t interested, then you’ll just have to forget her.

On the other hand, if you think you might be able to employ her again in the future, and if you’re pretty sure you have no chance of having a romantic relationship with her, then maybe it would be better to keep your feelings to yourself, in order to avoid weird feelings on the job.

Good luck!
written by Danbi, 13 December, 2011
Hi, I’ve met this older woman via the internet. She just wants to be dating and nothing serious, yet, on the other hand, I want more as I have fallen deeply in love with her as we have had sex the once, kissed and hugged each other many times. The other issue is that she pushes me away or she wants me and she said that she only wants me as a friend because of her past relationships, where all the exes have left her for other people. This friend and I have been seeing each other like three times a week as she likes her freedom and independence since the last ex left her after 15 years together (not living with each other for the past ten years, only the first 5 years) they couldn’t live with each other or be without each other and that was about a year ago, the ex just left without a word. Then my friend went to look for this person and found them living in Leeds with another lover, my friend felt like she had been used because she was asked to leave her place to go and live down there, she is glad that she had not done so. Anyways my friend says if she changes her mind and likes someone, then she will let me know but I do not think it will be me though I sort of get an impression she enjoys kissing and she does not like being forced into it. I am not sure what to do, please can you help me, thanks.
written by JacqlynCandice, 15 December, 2011
Ugh, I have the most of feelings for this guy. We started talking, although where I am from it is small, and everyone knows everyone, but we started talking, and he seems really nice, and stuff cause we never spoke before and I never knew anything about him. But I slowly but surly start to get feelings for him, and at the time, he seemed like he liked me a lot, we would talk all the time, and text when we were away, and talk about everything in the world. Then it got bad, when he started dating this girl I have disliked since I knew her. Then I started hearing stuff about him only wanting one thing, and I didn’t want to believe it, and despite the fact he was with her, I still talked to him. I eventually got the courage to tell him I liked him. For all the good that did I might as well have been talking to the wall. But in September, he comes up to me, and tells me he broke up with her, and we kiss, only to make me feel pain in my heart after. Then I get angry and text him, because he begins to ignore me, and I tell him I am leaving. He comes to me, even though I was with my mom, and like six of my friends, and just takes my arm and hugs me in front of them all, and tells me he is sorry, and I got to thinking it was all over, because he was acting like he liked me and really wanted me. But then it just got bad, because all he would talk about is that one thing all guys want. And he gets back together with her, and still talks to me, and I had to find out on my own. So I get angry, and tell him what I thought about it. And I know in my heart, and everything in me that can possibly know anything how he is, and even though I hate that girl, he cheats on her, and I know he would do the same. She went through his phone and found bad pictures, and cried but stayed with him. Idk if he was my bf and I saw them I would never speak to him again. But I know how he is and despite that, I still like the boy. I love him with all my heart, and I don’t know why. I mean what is wrong? He told me he didn’t want the same kind of relationship I want. Why can’t I just forget him and let it go? No matter where I am, I can’t stop thinking about him Someone please help.
written by miss P, 16 December, 2011
Reading all these has really helped me, I don’t feel alone with my pain any more. I’ve known my love for well over a year. I fell for him on our first date. Was a blind date from an internet site(no picture) but we’d emailed for a while and got on so well, we had to meet. He drove an hour to get to me from his city. Was like being hit by a truck as I opened my front door. I never believed love at first site until then. We went for a meal and flirted was so obvious we fancied each other. We had sex in his car that night I couldnt say no. I was in heaven..
He went home that night and I saw him in 4 weeks when he came to see me the next time. I new he was keeping me separate from his life , he had secrets. He carried on this monthly visiting. My kids new him, I cooked for him ,he slept in my bed. His ghost was around when he wasn’t there. I broke up with him because when I asked him after 6 months how he felt he said it was a fling. It nearly killed me, I got ill. My skin broke out in a rash on my hands and feet, was awful. 6 months of friends then we decided to see each other. I went on the train to see him. He took me to a shopping mall but whilst we were there he received a phone call from his bro in law telling him his wife had committed suicide!! apparently he told me then she had been suffering from depression for years and he had been separated for 4 years. He lived with his mum. I supported him through a very rough 6 months seeing him twice in all. All the way through I new he saw other women from the dating site. I was about to see him recently but backed off because I couldn’t stand the other women. So were back to being just friends. Right at the beginning he helped me set up my web site for my business and he still hosts it for me. I now he says he doesn’t feel the way I do, but he wont let me go. He’s just about to retire from a job he’s done for all his life and he’s buying a house near his mum. I love this man so much. When he was going through his bereavement I asked him to live with me so I could look after him. His pain was mine. He refused. So I’m stuck in friendship mode. This means we just email occasionally and I never see him. I miss him daily. What am I going to do?
I date others but no one is ever as good as him.
written by sucker for love, 23 December, 2011
Its not that someone is better than you for him. Its just that he may be a narcissist borderline and the fact that you r showing him so much love is empowering his ego and taking all of your energy. So get your energy back and use it on your own self esteem.

written by miss P, 25 December, 2011
Thanks for the advice SFL
I do realize this is my challenge. Stop dreaming and think of myself more. In reality I know it will go nowhere. It’s not real love either, just very powerful lust really. He’s very charming and I’m so easily flattered. New years reso... get a grip and learn to mean it when I say NO!!

written by miss P, 26 December, 2011
Just read up on the narcissist personality and how they can affect/manipulate you. My eyes are wide open now... he’s a classic I’ve been manipulated for far too long.
Thanks sooo much xx
written by Nazu, 27 December, 2011
I am 27 years old and have also fallen for a loser. I have been seeing him for over 2 years. I’ve bent over backwards for him, but now have realized he will never love me. He is talking about getting married. But has told me he doesn’t want me.
He has completely destroyed me. I won’t let him ruin me. A man who loves me unconditionally has proposed and I have accepted. That is the only way I can forget about him. I want a man who will love me for me. My love for Hussain isn’t the same as Abul. The person I am marrying is lovely and I respect him and he respects me. The love we share is healthy.
One thing life has taught me is be with people who love you and are kind to you. Accept what you cannot have and appreciate what you do have.
Let go of the hope that that person will love you one day. You are just wasting your life. Don’t let a loser ruin your life. Don’t wait for him because he won’t wait for you.

Make yourself happy by being with someone who deserves your love. I will always love Abul in an obsessive manner. But love my fiance for loving me.

Please find peace for your own insanity.
written by Kim1, 01 January, 2012
I too have wasted 4 years of my life with a narcissist. He has been in and out of my life for
4 years, he would come back tell me he loves me then ditch me and go be with other girls, then come back. He would rub other girls in my face while we were broken up, I finally realized that he is mentally ill. Now after 4 years I am leaving the state. I have to give myself a chance. I don’t want to waste another 4 years hoping it will change and be in an apartment wasting away while he is not thinking of me at all.
written by unrequited lover, 12 January, 2012
i was too in the same situation...but i have gradually overcome it because i believe u have one life and there are umpteen task to be done. make love part of your life not the heart of your life, i know you can’t love someone else but why to cry over that feeling. let that feeling be there like zillions of other feelings that we have. divert your attention for some higher cause like charity,helping someone take my words when u will into the eyes of these needful u will find so much of love in their eyes for u that your love for him will start appearing small.
written by Sad and sad, 15 January, 2012
i have a same situation too.. i’m craziest about someone who never looked back at me, i just cry and cry.. and the one i loved have a girlfriend.. his girlfriend is sister of my best friend, how could i love him?? Sister of my best friend is too nice and beautiful, how could he betrayed her? never! and the one i loved is really crazy about his girlfriend.. i can’t do anything.. i just can pray to them.. i hopefully they will together forever..
and she (girlfriend of the one i love) know that i love her boyfriend..
written by MissMelissa, 16 January, 2012
So I need some help. I have a roommate I have lived with for over 2 years. During that time I think I have fallen in love with him. His eyes his smile. I also have always wanted kids he knew how much I did and he wanted a motorcycle so he said u buy me a bike I will give u my special seed. He did this deed once and got pissy when I would ask so I gave up. I have had feelings of love for him and could see myself with him. I get jealous when he goes out or talks to other girls. In august he moved out cus I was to clingy and jealous of girls he was talking to. It was hard to get over him moving on and I asked him to come back. I told him to come back that I wouldnt be jealous and he could see who he wanted. He moved back in October. He lost his job, car shit the bed, had no money. So I was supporting him. Gave him a cell phone, food, let him use my car, buy him clothes, cigs. He likes to hold my bank card cus he says it makes his life not feel as crappy. Whatever he wants I get it for him. He searches the computer on dating sites and only occasionally looks for a job. When I ask him about getting a job he says he does not want to inconvenience me cus my job is more important. So I told him that I loved him and he using me more than a roommate. I live with him so it’s hard to not have feelings for him. He occasionally tells me he loves me and grabs my boobs. So I get mixed feelings. And him not truly loving me is turning me bitter. Cus I do all this stuff for him and he is a big mooch. We have arguments and he does not see that he is using me. What do I do?
written by ..., 17 January, 2012
All I can say is... if u really want to stop loving this guy then u gotta do something about it. No matter how much this hurts, just walk away. I guess you could still be friends but it does depend on what is best for the relationship.

written by You can make it, 18 January, 2012
Here is the remedy.

I was in the same position as most of the people here. I loved a man who didn’t love me back. It hurt me, it pained me, I was so broken. All I could think of and meditate of was him! I became a zombie at work, a zombie at home, and a zombie in life itself. I stayed locked up in my house because when I went outside, two people holding hands would remind me of this man, everywhere I looked I would see his face. When I was awake its all him I thought of, when I went to bed, it was all him I dreamt about, while he probably slept well or in another woman’s arms!.

At work if I even went to the loo, or away from people, it was him I thought of. I would get so distracted by him in my mind that I started loosing track of things, time, self esteem, confidence, and in all this I lost myself too!.

I did the worst, I stopped taking care of myself, that evil feeling of rejection hit me hard, I felt ugly, I looked in the mirror saw ugly, I smelt ugly, everything about me became ugly – I thought "why, why cant he love me?".

Then I prayed one day for God to take care of things, and I felt what I had never felt before. it was not a long prayer or a prayer of a righteous person, believe me, but just some words I spoke to God while I was on my pillow drenching it with tears over that guy, as was the normality every night! All I can say is that everything changed. I felt overwhelming wisdom to deal with it.

Its simple, but the hard part is you have to be willing to do it. Its a killer who has attacked you and you are fighting to stay alive!. Tell him/her you won’t be seeing him again or talking to him again because you have to "take care of me". Delete anything that has a link to him, except his number so that you know its him and you don’t answer. Don’t let him sweet talk you into staying. Don’t call call him, text him, answer his call, e-mail etc, don’t meet with him, run away from this pain like you are running away from a lion!. Make a chart that you tick everyday for effort in not calling him. Hang out with friends and family, don’t allow time alone to meditate about him/her or to nurture the feelings. Take care of yourself, exercise, groom, eat well, sleep well and timely times, do some activities you have always wanted to do – just remember he/she is not to be called. He/she will soon get erased from your mind slowly and finally you will be free. You will look at each day of the full month and realize that all the days have been ticked, you have overcome. REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING 100%.
written by mcmeerkat, 19 January, 2012
Okay... I’ve been going through a crazy love thing and won’t go into it here. Too long a story.

The first thing that changed from my moping around and heartbroken nausea was deciding that I wasn’t going to allow myself to let someone make me feel this rubbish. NOT "I’m not going to allow him to make me feel like this." He’s just fine. I clearly wasn’t. And yes, I thought I was having an emotional and mental breakdown.

Secondly, a friend gave me "Why Men Love Bitches." I looked at it and said "I’m not reading that cr*p." However, I did and it changed my life. I’ve read it three times and I regularly pick it up and read underlined sections when I’m feeling a little anxiety. Men respond to no contact IF THEY ARE INTERESTED IN YOU.

Thirdly, I learnt never make someone your priority when you’re their option.

Fourthly, if a guy doesn’t want a relationship, there really isn’t a lot you can do about it. But, you MUST FOCUS ON YOURSELF. Heal yourself. Be good to yourself. Do something everyday that makes YOU feel good. You are happy with or withOUT him.

Next, if you’re obsessing over a guy, it becomes part of your energy. He’ll pick up on it when you see him, but won’t know what it is, he’ll just know that something about you is repelling him slightly. He may not even be consciously aware of it. So, every time you start thinking about this guy change the thought to a positive affirmation. i.e. you’re a singer and you haven’t had any gigs lately. You’re fantasizing about the next time you see this douchebag who’s dangling a carrot in front of you all the time. You catch yourself fantasizing and immediately change the thought process to "I love it when I book singing gigs." Or whatever works for you, but it has to be a thought or affirmation that makes you feel good. It encourages positivity and focus on YOU instead of negativity and focus on HIM. Yes, you might say you’re ‘manifesting’ the relationship, but actually you’re just obsessing.

I made the decision to focus on myself, be positive, have self-respect and dignity and not wallow in my feelings. Make the decision to move forward and up not wallow.

Love and light to you all xxx
written by rooroo124, 23 January, 2012
I know that it is hard when you are truly in love with someone, to just let them go, but that is what you need to do. He is using you. Also think of the poor girl who doesn’t even know you exist... your helping him to break her heart... Sometimes we all just have to look at the big picture. Even if it is the most difficult thing for us to do.
written by Confused Love, 27 January, 2012
Hi im a 18 year old bi high school boy and i just recently started txting this kid who i think i fell in love with i feel as if we were meant to be. But the only thing is i dont know if he i bi or even gay. But he does have a girl friend which is a huge downer! But i have a felling that he likes me. When we text each other he always texts with smiley faces or even winky faces. Every time i see him he always has the biggest smile on his face. But i dont know if he does that for everyone. Also two times that he apparently was drunk he texted me and called me baby doll and at another time he called just plan baby. But i dont know if he was joking, messing with me or if maybe someone else had his phone! Im not sure that he knows Im bi but i sure he does because everyone else knows. I dont know if he likes me or not and i dont know what to do! I dont want to say anything about it to him because i like him a lot as a friend! And i dont want to say something to him about it and then him never want to talk to me again. I dont know what to do!
written by Lonely angel, 01 February, 2012
Try to forget him, trying is the best policy .... however it hurts you....good luck and be happy
written by PaulaT, 08 February, 2012
I have a problem too.... I met a foreign guy and we clicked from the very beginning.... We started going out and talking almost everyday. he had to go home for 3wks for the Christmas holidays to catch upwith his family. before he left he said that he likes me a lot and we should keep in contact. I tried to keep in contact with him but he didn’t replied to my messages.... i tried hard not to care about him but couldn’t. the he sent a message where he said that he is very physically attracted to me but nothing can happen between us as his future will always be back home. i respected his decision and we decided that we should stay friends, go out for drinks,meals etc. he has been back for a month now but nothing happened. i haven’t been out with a guy for 8wks now because of him. everyone tells me not t think abt him, but i just can’t stop thinking about him and the lovely time we spent together.
the thing that hurts the most is that i go and see him play rugby and when we talk, he is so repectful and as if nothing ever happened between us!! that really hurts
i really need something to help me forget abt this guy.... or else make him come back to me.....
written by sickheart, 08 February, 2012
Reading all these posts breaks my already broken heart even more knowing what awful pain all of these people are in. I too love a man who doesn’t love me. Same story as everyone else. This weekend I met him for lunch and he told me has been seeing someone else for years! The only thing I can offer is please be angry. Men who treat you badly do not deserve the love you give them. These kind of men are like insidious cancer you have to cut them out of your life completely otherwise they will slowly kill you with the emotional pain they inflict.
written by 12hj, 10 February, 2012
I love a man he is older than me very much, but I love him and I see him in my dream every night
written by chicka, 19 February, 2012
You should tell him that if he really loved you than he would do more than sleep with you if he is just craving sex and using you, you should tell him to stop, because you matter 2 then if he doesn’t stop you should meet up with the girl he has been dating maybe he will feel more guilty about himself
written by Jassim, 24 February, 2012
Dear friend, you’ll get all sorts of responds which I didn’t Read. All I can say is I am somewhat going through a situation like that and I want you to know that we’re screwed! Yes. We are sticking ourselves to relationships that are sucking our lives and give us nothing back. In the name of love we give up on everything and anything just to be with that person hoping for this action to make a change and get them to wake up the next morning and say "hey, I’m in love with him/her". Sadly It’s not gonna happen. These people who don’t love us back are never going to. Just like them to us, we’ve become a habbit, a granted thing; the kind of person they can call when there’s nothing better, but when they do find something better they have no mercy in dumping us again. Reading your case helped me see myself as in a mirror and I say "NO MORE". I don’t want myself to sound like that anymore. So do what I did; search for someone going through what you are and give them advice. You’ll soon discover that the solution for your obsession it’s within you, not outside, not on our friends, not on our beloved one. I really hope you find your peace of mind and realize that you are the most important person for you, that you owe it to yourself to this it right this time! Don’t let that sucker keep on sucking every ounce of energy from you.
written by Monroe, 25 February, 2012
Look I know how u girls feel. I’ve been in the same thing. I loved him sooooooooo much and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. We met last year and the first time I saw him I was blown away. He was smart like me and we had a lot in common. But he just doesn’t like me. But now we are just best friends. He is like my brother. But I still love him. I don’t want to tell him I love him cause I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable about him and me hanging out. We call and text each other but he just still don’t like me and when I found out he had a girlfriend I was so hear broken. But I still love him but now he is single and he still doesn’t love me. Girls what should I do?
written by Atusa, 27 February, 2012
I am in love with a 44 year old man that’s never been arrie before h is the first guy I have been with, I’m 20 years old and never had sex before. The first time I met this guy I thought to myself he is such an creep I did not like him however after 7 month of seeing him everyday cuz he would come to my work place to eat I started falling for him I do know that he cares about me but he doesn’t want to be with me I feel like he is afraid to be with me because he always asks me why I’m so madly unloved with him and that I could be with some one much younger an d now After almost two years he wants to leave me I feel like his mother has something to do with that because he is highly educated and I’m not obviously because I’m much younger than him and I have a long way to go but I don’t know what to do cuz I’m do in love with him I can’t live without him

written by Mah, 27 February, 2012
Hi all, I feel your pain. I am so torn between walking away from someone that I have known and become great friends with over the last almost four years because of the feelings that I have for him. We have recently become even closer and shared some very intimate moments and I feel that the feelings I have always had have become more intense. I do love him but he does not know how he truly feels toward me. He says that he knows there are feelings there but is unsure of how to sort them out due to never really being in touch with emotions in the past. It would be so much easier if I knew that I was the only person he was hanging around but I am not. There are a few other "friends" and I just do not care for it. I love him so much for always being open and honest with me but I just don’t feel it is ok for a woman to settle for less than the best. I just don’t know what to do. One day I love him and the next day I wish that he would just disappear.
written by lizzyqueen, 28 February, 2012
me and him are around the same age 28/29 now. We first dated when we were in university for 3-4 years.. we were each other’s first real love and first real bf/gf. He broke up with me for good after we graduated (reason: I cheated on him first – one night one time then we broke up then got back together a few times then he cheated on me very badly during a period of time when we were back together final year in school plus a lot of fighting and drama that came with it but I know we did love each other very much during the crazy times..) I was very much heartbroken knowing the fact that he didn’t wanna be with me no more. he wanted to explore more.
So after we broke up after university, I was very much devastated and sad. We both moved to different cities. I did a bunch of crazy stuff just to get my mind off of this past relationship and him and in order to “move one” meanwhile he dated A LOT of girls in another city.
however,we kept talking to each other, he visited me a few times and I visited him. I was still crazy for him everytime we met up and hooked up. But every time he wanted to “break up” with me even tho we were never really in a relationship again or he would tell me how he couldn’t help himself sleeping with other girls when I wasn’t around…I was very hurt when he told me and we would cry on the phone together and me realizing we could not go back to how we once were.. Heart crashed I felt… (at some point he even asked me if we could have an open relationship and said no i cant stand the thought of him with other girls.)
after that, I told myself no more and kept seeing other ppl in my city. I kept talking to him on msn once every few months just as friends… then we gradually stopped talking for almost a year… I thought I did move onoe and forgot about him..
Then about 2 years ago, out of nowhere, he sent me a very long heart felt email on my birthday about how much I meant to him and how he fucked up and how he missed me and will forever love me etc etc… I broke down in tears for hours after reading his email.. i was so happy cuz i felt he finally came around he finally felt the same way as i did for him all these years..
Long story short, I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend at the time and emailed him back.. since then til now, we ‘ve met up a few times and took vacation together twice.. every time I felt hopeful that he finally realized and came around that he wanted to be with me for real again, I ended up getting hurt/disappointed..(his reasons: he doesnt know what he wants or part of him wants me and part of him wants to be a loner etc etc the list goes on..) so i would stop talking to him for a while then back on again.. everytime he made me think him could be ready for a full relationship with me.
Now we just got back from a trip together after we stopped talking for a year or so.. despite telling myself over and over it’s just a fun trip, he got me all hopeful again by saying things like “oh we need to just give it one more try, we are still best friends and soul mates etc.. “
we had a great time together on the trip. We were very affectionate with each other the whole time ppl thought we were on honeymoon. we told each other we love each other.. etc etc.. he was always kissing me holding my hand etc etc...
After the trip last wk when I asked him to move to my city and be with me, he says, we r soulmate from the wrong time, how he doesn’t wanna move to my city hence we cant be together and how our past still haunts him and how we have different interests etc etc… i couldnt believe it.really??!!
I got real upset and emotional once again. I said to him, he doesn’t think I’m the one for him. He asked me and said he doesn’t think he’s the one for me either.. etc etc.. i couldnt believe it.
After all these years and everything we’ve gone thru and year after year going back to each other, he still doesn’t wanna be with me.. he kept telling me how he’s a loner and how he tends to push ppl away etc… he never talks about he dated other girls or any other girls in his life with me ever..he knows I couldn’t handle I get very jealous and upset.. but I think the truth is he just cannot commit to one person cuz he knows he would wanting sleep with other women..
I told him never contact me again I’m done cuz I know now that i’m not the one for him and he doesn’t wanna be with me. He said he doesn’t know that’s true or not and if he could process all this and email me in a few days. I said no. he asked what makes me think this will be the end this time cuz in the past we always end up going back to each other. I said cuz I finally know now that you don’t wanna be with me you are not in love with me and we are not best friend or soul make as how much a fool I was that I deeply believed we were for many years. i said if we were in love we would’ve moved across the world to be with eachother. i said it’s sad to know that i will one day be with someone and that person will not be me.
written by Me – Jenn, 29 February, 2012
I too am in love with someone who does not love me. He cares deeply about me. We do everything together really. He and I dated for 9 months and then I told him I loved him before he went into the hospital and that screwed things up.
He was with someone 3 years previous that he was engaged to. She took a job in another state and moved. It devastated him. He says it was the biggest tragedy of his life. He cries when he speaks of it.
The girl has moved one, is engaged, living her life well. He is not. While he seems ok, he has developed some depressive disorders from it. Almost like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. He doesn’t like to go to places with lots of people, has hyperacoustic sensitivity, would rather spend time at home alone when he is alone, drinks every night – not to get drunk, but drinks, is very emotionally sensitive, he claims he has autistic traits as well.

We are now friends. We still do everything together. It is hard for me to walk away from him as we are such great friends and compatible. We like all the same things, hiking, biking, kayaking, camping, etc. and enjoy each others company immensely. If I didn’t come around, he would not do these things. It’s like I’m his window out of his sadness for a while. But, he has no romantic feelings for me he stated. I have scaled back our physical time together because it keeps my heart attached to him.
I feel truly sorry for him. I cannot imagine being so emotionally destroyed by someone that 3 years later I just couldn’t move on. I have been trying to help him find his good qualities, look at the things he is thankful for in life and in himself, have a more positive outlook, etc. I am not sure how to help him. He has seen a psychiatrist and was put on Vyvanse, which makes him very irritable and even aggressive (not towards me). He also suffers from gastrointestinal issues and has had 2 surgeries for it.
How do I help this person? Is my being around actually enabling him? I want him to find someone and be happy. While I wish it was me, I would rather he be happy with someone and in love.

written by Jalove, 01 March, 2012
No matter how many years passed, that feeling just won’t go away. It is unfortunate to see all these mostly happened to girls. We are just too kind and too crazy. The only way to make him realize how lovely you are, how strong you are and how wrong he is, is to walk way from him and live a happy healthy full life for your own.
written by A woman, 02 March, 2012
Im so sorry for your pain, no one will never understand the pain and the misery of your being, at this moment in time. Im sorry to say that in this matter, any woman that has or is still trully loving that someone, it’s complety and utterly alone, that is a fact. I have been (in secret) in love with a man for nearly three years, does he know of my feels? yes he does. For some crazy reason I thought he found me worthy of, his care, his time and attention, but it turned out to be otherwise. So I am left behind with everything that it could have been now given to someone else. Love... it’s a cruel illusion. No, I am not bitter, neither I wish for hell to break loose on the man. No I do not want revenge, or the possibility of a future maybe, if his new girl doen’t turn out to be the one. He seemed to have made his mind and I would never know why, he’s behaved in such way towards my feelins and persona, that only leaves with one sad conclusion, He played me, and that is to it. In an ideal world, love is to be that amazing and perfect, whatever love is, and would not play such wicked game with me. I only wanted he to be part of my life, didnt need anyhting but his company, his humour and the fact that he view certain aspects of this life pretty much the same as I do. I was very honest to myself about what was I wanted from the man. Perhaps my tolerance and understanding about the mistakes that as human being we make, were to much of an opened minded person/woman. I only know how much I care about he, and how sorely I have been missing the man. This experience does not show me anything whatsoever, on the contrary it just assured me that love, is just a game where one player is also the referee, and therefore the other player is doomed from the beginning. All I can do is to take each day as it comes, that’s all, anyhting else for me will required too much of an efford and at the moment all my energy and happiness, was given to him to heal and feel better. Irony is, that the best of he she will take, not knowing that it comes from me. I sincrely wish you to all of you here some kind of way out to all this darkens and dispair. And to those that have never fallen in love with true love, for cupid to be in a happy mood that day he stricks you with his damned arrow.
written by ebj213, 17 March, 2012
WOW!!!! What a heck of a situation. Here’s my story: I met this man almost 18 years ago. I was 23 and he was 32. Today I am 41 and he is 50 and a lot has gone on over the years. We recently reconnected several months ago and immediately began living together for the last five months. Well suffice to say that is over with. The problem is: I love him the way that I have always loved him. We have gotten older and he has become disabled due to him Multiple Sclerosis. I was trying to take care of him but it was time for me to look for a job considering I have been unemployed for over a year. So a couple of weeks ago I decided he needed to go back to his moms house so that he could be taken care of while I look for a job. I thought we were in agreement about the matter. But today, he came out of a bag on me and it blew me away. This has been 18 years of dealing with him and I think I have made up my mind to just let it go. Not because I don’t love and care for him, but because I love and care for him. I have spent the last 18 years hoping we would get married and have children (so have our families) but that doesn’t seem like it is going to happen. So, I have to suck up the tears and my feelings and move on. I feel that I have really wasted precious time on this relationship and have missed my time to have children (I have none and he has four). So my feelings is that I will continue to pray for him always wanting the best for him. I will try to keep in contact with him and maintain a friendship, God willing. But I am going to finally move on with the rest of my life and trust that God has someone that will love me the way that I will love them waiting......God Bless
written by Englandღ, 20 March, 2012
I read all of these stories and it left me heartbroken, and reminded me of my one-sided relationship.

I am hopelessly in love with my old friend. He’s been around for years now, and we’ve grown quite close. I figured out I was in love with him only a few months ago, and my heart leaps whenever I see him online (It’s now an online relationship since he’s in London currently. He’s a medic for the London Summer Olympics) He’s only been on twice since August, when he was trying to comfort me after a traumatizing experience. (An old friend of me had gone insane and was doing horrible things to me. She’s now in jail.)He said he would help me stay strong against her, and then he said he had to go, and would stay in touch. ‘You’re amazing.. I practically love you!’ and I practically melted at that point. I had been waiting for him to go online for months, and finally he did, and we talked, but I had to go too soon. I had Roller Derby with the girls. He wished me luck, and he was again online the next Thursday. I had broken a foot and he told me to do some stuff to make it better, and I told him other stuff... we talked for awhile but it felt like he never really cared. He would immediately apologise if he thought he was coming off the slightest bit insulting, but for half-hour pauses in between things he would simply ignore me. It was heartbreaking. Now, a month after our last conversation I’ve been crying myself to sleep because I’m almost completely convinced that he doesn’t love me. Anyone have any ideas to help me out?

I know this isn’t the original post, but i can’t pay for this site so I have to post here. Thank you.

written by problemsolver132, 21 March, 2012
I know its hard, but I think you should save yourself the trouble, I wish I had. he never liked me back, he dated me just to get rid of me. all I’m saying is be careful, it might just blow up in your face

written by Georgia Thomas, 22 March, 2012
I’m 22 years old and I’m in love with someone who is much older then me and I know he doesn’t feel the same way. He messages me about once a month asking if I want to go round his house and I always say yes, even if he calls at 2 in the morning... I know... How desperate of me right? but I cannot help it. I know for a fact if I called him at 2am he would tell me to do one! (he likes his sleep).
When I do go round his house, we always make love, it is never a quickie, which is why I am so confused about how he feels. When I had a moment of courage I confronted him and asked him if he feels like this about anyone else than me. He replied, ‘me and you have something special but what you ask is very deep’. I didn’t know what to say to that so I just carried on letting him hold me.
I feel so alone sometimes and when he does contact me, I feel really comforted. All of what I have written probably sounds absurd but in my head it makes sense, so I do apologize. What I am confused about is what his game is, can anyone tell me?
written by Anonymous47, 27 March, 2012
Just WOW. Read all the very PAINFUL accounts here and I could add my own. What is the use? It sounds the same. If I wrote it down here and actually read it, I would throw up at how dense I am and have been...but that is just my own low self esteem talking instead of putting blame where it really belongs: the parasitic "love" of our lives.

People – HOW can we ACTUALLY believe that we are IN LOVE with someone that treats us like all these people in your accounts have? How? Yes, we have self esteem issues; they are narcissists. WHY can we ALL JUST SEE how UNHEALTHY these relationships are and then go ahead and get a good night sleep never to be chained again by this monster gnawing away at our time, our lives, our thoughts, our self esteem? If you TELL a man you love him and he RUNS or hides like a coward from you, why on Earth does that mean you need/should create an excuse for him in your mind that delivers false hope that he will eventually "see the light"? WHAT light? There IS no light living in a person that would treat another human being as bad as all these men/women have treated you all and myself. That reality should be ENOUGH to allow us to forgive ourselves for our part in this fiasco no matter how long it lasted and how old we are and then let us move on and NEVER look back. Who CARES if they are happy/unhappy or will eventually (ha-ha) "see" the light of your loss? The fact that they actually treated us WORSE for bending over backwards, being honest about our feelings and loving them in way they obviously don’t love themselves is dysfunctional and should be a REALLY BIG deal-breaker for us. Nothing stable comes from a bad foundation.

I am glad I found this forum. Sad to have read all the stories, but know that I am not alone and that nothing "magical" will EVER come from the delusion I have believed and hoped would change. I believed this man to be my "soul mate". If I gave him a big portion of myself, it is a part, I guess, I really DON’T need.

Thank you all for your candor and I will ALL of you well and on your own road to healing and wholeness.
written by Lilium, 27 March, 2012
I have been there, similar story to everyone’s. Basically I caused myself so much pain. But I think I am not there any more, at least most of me.

Here are my advice: Be honest to yourself.
You know he does not love you or respect you and he never will; you know he is not worthy your time and your care; you know your infatuation for him is only from your animal instinct; you know you deserve much better; you know there won’t be a happy ending if you persist; you know life is too short to waste on someone who only accumulate sadness for you. Admit it!!!!

That is what I did. Although i thought I was so much in love with him, I threw myself into a relationship with my best friend, not him. As everyday passed, I love my boyfriend more and more, because he is such a reasonable and respectful man. As everyday passed, I convinced myself that another guy does not deserve me at all.

I did not mean it is easy. It took me almost 3 years and many confusion and many tears to finally feel peace with myself. Although your feeling was misplaced on the wrong guy which is out of your control, you still have the power to act on the right things. Be honest with yourself and do the right things.

Wish all of you luck.
written by lost in love, 09 April, 2012
I have a problem too... I am in love with my best friend’s cousin. I know him for more than 2 years. I know he was interested in me when we started chatting in FB. He shared everything about him, his friends and his family. He inquired about me to my friends. At first I was not interested in him. But later his kindness and caring towards me made me to love him. I was thinking of him day and night. I started dreaming of a life with him. That’s when the new problem arise. He is shorter than me. My friend said that true love doesn’t see color, size, etc... What my friend said was true.. But my family members would see those things.. They are against love, dating, etc. I didn’t tell him that I love him. Days passed and he quarreled with me for just a silly reason(I send a message "Hi" to his friend). He blocked me in FB, doesn’t reply to my texts, doesn’t attend my call or anything. I am crying daily because I don’t want to miss him. Even if he doesn’t love me, I want him as my friend forever. Sometimes I think about ways to forget him. But recently, he sent wishes for my birthday, Christmas, new year and Easter. I asked him why he is not replying me. For that he told that he was busy. My question is that if he is busy, how did he get time to block me in FB and to cancel my call. I still love him but can’t understand him... Is he loving me?? or Will he love me??? CRAZY FELLOWS....
written by LOSS, 09 April, 2012
written by Boo, 10 April, 2012
Wow. I came across this post by accident. I read all your comments 2. I must say I’m blown away. Been trying to get over a guy for a 8months now. It wasn’t a proper relationship but I think I do love him. The thing is I can only blame myself for how things have ended because going into ‘relationship’ with a guy who already has a gf was bound to end in tears for me. After seeing each other for 6 months he just stopped talking to me. One day he stopped replying. Well I did what most people do and started harassing him and begging to tell me what happened. After cou
written by tacrawford, 11 April, 2012
I have met a guy and we started talking. He comes and ask me to smoke with him at work a couple times a night. We work nights. The second night he asked for my number. He hasn’t yet to call me. I am confused. I really like him but i can’t tell if he likes me. Any advice. I am shy and went through a bad break up. I can’t tell if he likes me or is working up to trying to get me in the sack. He has never said anything out of the way to me. Sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes he don’t.
written by staylor77, 21 April, 2012
Thank God for the internet in allowing us share our feelings and to see that we are not alone in this type of messed up situation! just like everyone else – my search to find reason for this insanity of "being in love with someone who doesnt love me back" has landed me on this site. Thank you site creator! But anyway this is not only happening to women. Im a guy and married. I’ve found myself in love with a coworker that I’ve had a REALLY great chemistry with. When we first meet, i thought to myself "she’s kinda cute." but nothing special. Well within about 2 months we became good friends. We communicated often daily mostly by text. What I fell in love with was this woman because she is very sincere and she always makes it a point to do the right thing. Well, my wife is the exact opposite. She uses profanity literally all day and is very very quick tempered! As i look back I can honestly admit i wasn’t even in love. But she kept pushing the issue of getting married. So after a few months i gave in. 6 years into it now. Anyway, after 1000 sweet comments, flirting, and occasional gifts – i finally admitted to the woman of my dreams how much she means to me and how i feel. I told her that I wasnt trying to start a relationship because I’m married. But rather wait when my wife and i settled our divorce. A couple of weeks later let me know that she’ll only ever want to be is friends, because I "liked her while i was married." She knows how unhappy I’ve been in my marriage. and although unhappy and had many opportunities with other women, I’ve NEVER cheated. I’ve come to believe that she never felt for me as I have for her. I’ve forced myself not to text as much. But I’m hurting badly inside because I want to stop loving her but I cant! As soon I wake up she’s on my mind! Throughout the day and until I go to sleep, I cant stop thinking of how wonderful she is! I wish I never would have met her. I’ve admitted that although I loved my wife before and while married, I was Never In Love.. I now want and dont want to stop being in love with the woman I cant have. The closeness we’ve shared makes me want to try harder to try to win her heart as she’s won mine but my logic tells me other wise. I need help! Anyone!
written by dazzed&confused, 27 April, 2012
It makes me sad to read all these posts. I really like this guy but m pretty much sure he doesn’t feel the same way. And I feel as though the only reason I like him and think of him constantly is because I never gave him the opportunity to see how I really am I was so nervous that i didn’t know how to talk to him or say how I really felt. What makes me sad is that it never seemed to work out for anyone who cared for someone who didn’t like them back.. cuz in my heart I feel like it could work but my head tells me to just forget it and move on. These posts have helped me shed some light on my situation and I am happy to have read each persons post.
written by lady2cents, 01 May, 2012
Wow. I know exactly how most of you feel; However, I like to think I’ve moved on and I look forward to the day I’m not thinking about him. I would like to share some practical advice and put in my two cents that has helped me.

WORDS OF WISDOM: Listen, a man (women too) likes a woman who is confident and has self-respect. When you cling on to someone who knows he is giving you less than HIS best and you accept it, than you risk his fancy for you because you have reduced your worth. Chances are he will feed off your weakness for him. I like to think most individuals want a pretzel, not a noodle. The person may still not want you after you moved on but at least you have your dignity and he’ll know you have some backbone. For those letting that man freeload off of you, he has to earn your act of love (even if some deserve it freely). He’ll value more what he’s earned. If the person is not willing to commit, then they are willing to let someone else have you. They have no problem being with someone else so you need to have the same attitude. While you are emotionally crippled and wishing on your lucky stars with tears, they are moving on with their life and enjoying it without you. Either way, you are going to hurt. You just have to decide which way.

My ADVICE if you want to let go and move on from a blurry relationship that is certain to go nowhere: First, pray earnestly to God for strength and to remove the FEAR of living without this person. This gripping fear is most likely demonic/ Realize that YOU are also part of the problem. If they keep coming back to you, after its clear they don’t feel the same, it’s probably because you allow it. Agree to go separate ways. THIS IS VERY HARD but for me, knowing he won’t come around is easier to bear than not being sure he’ll come around/ Give yourself a short grieving period (say a week) if you cut ties. This is a lost of a person you’re in love with and so it feels as if they died. But it is worse because you know the person is alive. In this grieving period cry like a baby, sulk, listen to the blues, and get some alone time. Allow yourself to expel as much of the pain as possible and be ready to feel it; If you don’t release the pain then it might manifest itself physically (headache, sickness, skin rash, etc). After grieving, make your self beautiful and pamper it (massage, new haircut etc..). You’ll be surprise how confident you feel/ Refrain from listening to love songs, watching romantic movies, relationship programs and such so that you won’t think of that person as much. Opt for non-lyric upbeat positive music. Wait till those things don’t have an effect on you/ Delete phone number and other contacts. This was very difficult so I wrote the number down and placed it somewhere difficult to retrieve (Unfortunately I know the # by heart) / Stop fantasizing about a future together. 60% of the relationship is in your head or fantasy. Do not entertain thoughts of being with them. The mind is very powerful and the thoughts can be imprinted in your heart. Therefore, occupy your mind with other things and engage in other activities. Exercising has helped me a great deal. Set short-term goals and try to achieve them. This will shift your energy from trying to win the person to trying to achieve this other goal/ Put yourself in position to meet people and avoid being alone/ Talk about the situation as least as possible so you don’t bring up old emotions/ Surround yourself with friends who will lift your spirits and who has a positive outlook on life. Trust me, life will feel miserable during the process so you’ll need those types of friend around.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Decide (accept) that their feelings won’t change. Decide to let go because the relationship is toxic and unhealthy. I won’t lie and say its simple to move on. It has been one of the hardest things I had to do. I know how some of you may feel. You’re confused. You feel like your stuck in rut or there is no way out. Your damned if you do your damned if you don’t. You rationalize it is better they are in your life and be hurt than to not have them at all and be hurt. That’s rationale of false hope. IT IS BETTER TO RIP OFF THE BAND-AID THEN PULL IT OFF SLOWLY. You can let go. For most of you, you just might have to get to the point of being fed up with the lack of their love, wait till it blows up in your face, or wait till someone else comes around. Almost two months later, there are few moments where I still cry about it. When I’m having a bad day, wish I could just pick up the phone and call to hear his voice. I do miss him and sometimes I wish he was with me. But I am thinking about him less now. Amen! Eventually, the hurt looses its sting. I wake up without him being the first thing on my mind. I’m not waiting two miserable weeks for a phone call. I realize I have more peace without him in the picture than when he was in it.

I hope I helped someone. You can get through it. Best!

written by lady2cents, 01 May, 2012
Acts of love speaks louder than fluffy words. Thus, if their actions don’t coincide with their words...let it go!
If they are willing to be in a serious relationship with someone else and only want to be friends with you...let it go!
If they are willing to be intimate with you but express they don’t want a serious relationship...let it go!
If they are in a relationship, tell them to call you when they are single but until then...let it go!
If you are in a relationship...let it go!

A tough pill to swallow... but let it go!
written by mpb, 05 May, 2012
I understand emotional pain of being with someone who does not want the same thing or does not really care about you. Lets be honest, I am sure you can tell that something just does not feel right in his touch or you just do not hear the words, or he just does not act like he loves you.
In my world, when a man is crazy about you and loves you, he does small acts of kindness, touches you or better yet, just cannot keep his hands off you. You get along so great that other people comment and say what a great couple you are. You feel that he is your home. A place of mutual love, caring, empathy, and you will find that person. All the relationships are lessons for you to learn from to be a better you. If you are truly honest with yourself, he just is not worth your time. You deserve to be loved and cared about. So start to have an attitude that you can have it. Let go, move on because he did. Also, a serious disorder is NPD-- if he is that kind of person-- run not walk – run away because the only person he cares about his himself. I is all about him, his needs, and really does not care about away one, He cannot. He lacks empathy. It is not you, he will treat everyone that way. The next girl and all women. He cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone.
written by Wishing I was free, 08 May, 2012
Interesting how this page is sponsored by "Make Him Addicted to You -- 9 Magic Words You Must Say to Make Him Fall Deeply in Love."

I’m trying to get out of an unrequited situation, as well, and I’m a married woman -- soon to be divorced. In fact, it was because I discovered this man last year that prompted the end of my marriage. It didn’t take much from him after over a decade of being ignored by my husband that caused me to begin to realize that there is someone else out there who will value, not demean me. So is it really any surprise that I should now being having such difficulty separating emotionally from yet another man who doesn’t value me -- and this is all via internet communication -- I’ve only seen him once. I’m the problem; not these guys. Until I get a handle on this, it’s going to continue to happen because these b***plugs are out there and I sure know how to find them.
written by goodadvice, 10 May, 2012
I was hurt badly. I still love him. He is a Narcissist.
I know them from a mile away now. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Make better choices with your heart. Life does go on...stop whining about losers it does not help.
written by heart Aspen, 14 May, 2012
Reading all of this makes me know that my decision to end something that is truly amazing, knowing and seeing the red flags, and for once, heading the warnings. I have only known him for 3 weeks, my heart beats harder when he is nearby, the sex is the best ever, and i have had great sex. His kiss makes me melt, he is kind and gentle. I didnt realize that he lusts for me, but does not plan on it going anywhere else. He told me that with work, and his workouts, and being with me, he was burning the candle at both ends. We could have sex, but he needs to go home to sleep, sorry, not what I want in an intimate relationship. I know who I am, and what I need, and no one needs to bring heartache into their lives. I probably handled it wrong, I told him in a text message, right after he sent me a nice sex text. I love modern technology. He did not respond, I will give him time to think about it. We are supposed to go on a trip together this week, I won’t pack my bags just yet. Women have to find value in what they feel, and respect that. I so respect how he feels, and am glad he told me how he feels. He is great, I am great, it just wasn’t meant to be....Too bad XO
written by Qat, 19 May, 2012
1 week without texting, trying to forget him, trying to start a relation ship with someone who says he loves me.... Heartache I want to change my life, this is not the first time that I run away from a narcissist . I am 30 ... Where is my wisdom? Plus I am bulimic I was just fine, recovering until I allowed him to enter into my life.... Maybe I am gonna come back to my parents until I forget him... Being in another country all by myself doesn’t help when I feel like this... Lonely and lost. I hate falling for narcissist .... There must be something wrong in my brain
written by moonmaiden, 19 May, 2012
To everybody, it doesn’t get any better. I, too have self esteem issues. I, too was mistreated, the hot and cold treatment,the silent treatment, the come here go away, the I love you I hate you. You have to love yourself first, put yourself first. These individuals will not do it for you. Mine is a full blown narcissist who praised me when he had something to gain and rejected me when he thought i annoyed him.
I came to the point of not sleeping anymore at night, having nightmares, having headache all the time, being scared as hell at the thought of leaving him but I did it. One day,I woke up and told myself this couldn’t continue anymore, that i was a human being deserving to be in a healthy relationship with a healthy human being. His behavior was draining life out of me. So, I told him to get lost good and proper, that life was too short to spend my time waiting for something that will never happen. I still love him very much but by treating me so badly, he is not deserving that love and as much as I want to hear from him, i cut all contact. No text, no email, no phone call, no nothing. I go out, spend my time with friends and family, reconnect with past hobbies. I stay busy as much as I can. It’s not easy, sometimes it hurts so bad, sometimes i feel a little bit better but I know healing is a long process and one day i will wake up and feel nothing for this loser anymore. I force myself, you have to forced yourself to stay away and desire a better and richer life with someone who will love you too. For now, work on your self esteem. Think of yourself as a gem stone. You are beautiful and worthy. Nobody throws gem stone at the feet of undeserving people. Think back in the past to all of your success, to the people who love you for who you are.Think when you even didn’t know the mere existence of this person and the suffering they caused. You didn’t love them, you even didn’t have any interest in them. If you experienced it in the past, you can feel this way again and free yourself from the pain. Just be patient. And if one day or another you want to date again, take things slow. Learn to know this person values and moral first. Ask yourself if he/she is worth it. Do not feel with your heart, but think with your head before to go further. And by all means if they tell you in one way or another with words or actions that they are not relationship material, believe them. Leave it at that, wish one another well and move on; have relationship breakers too, two lies, two broken promises, I’m gone. Know yours. Respect yourself and someone you love who respect you and love you for yourself will come along and gone will be the days of unrequited love. Drop this loser, stay away from him and take care.
written by kagome, 20 May, 2012
i have been in a similar situation recently! my best friend, for whom i had recently started to develop feelings for says, and to properly quote him, "he wants me, in every possible way". he started sending me sexts and we started talking nasty things over on the phone, then he started with all the things he would do to me right down to the exact detail, here’s the twist... the guy’s in a relationship with a girl who abuses him like anything and has already cheated on him once with her ex. even then he’s head over heels for her. it’s okay i mean i get it, being in love and all, but the problem is every time i control my feelings and move on he pulls me back. sometimes he says "we are more than just friends", and then there are times when he starts making a move on me, it’s just really overwhelming..... at the end of the day, and being totally honest, i still want him! i still do, with all my heart!!! does that make me a bad person?
written by Return to sender., 21 May, 2012
I am having this same experience. I’ve liked the same boy for 3 years straight and cannot ever get him out of my head. I’ve always been friends with him and am one of his closest girlfriends. He liked me 3 years ago but I wasn’t really interested because I liked his best friend. Then his best friend and my best friend got together and I got to know the other boy better. Soon, I fell in like with him, but he had moved on and liked plenty of other girls, but never me again. Last year, people started saying that he liked me but didn’t want to say anything. So I got all encouraged by my girlfriends and always talked to him and stuff. Then I find out him liking me was a rumor started by his friends. I was completely heart broken. I tried to get over him cause I felt like a fool about the whole thing but nothing worked. I still really liked him. This year, things changed. We had classes together and hung out more, I became good friends with his family, and we went to senior prom together, but just as friends. He apparently likes an old friend of mine who went off the deep end, like almost dropping out of school and doing foolish things on the weekends. I am crazy about him and no one knows this time cause last year, the word spread and I ended up embarrassed and alone. He is not interested in me at all, only impossibly gorgeous girls, and I just feel devastated all the time. We had a heart to heart recently and connected so well, and it was the most perfect moment of my life, no joke. What do I do? Wait around forever?
written by Louislily, 25 May, 2012
I am an attractive, fairly intelligent lady with a fiance, but I am infatuated with this other guy, he is all I think of, and it’s driving me absolutely MAD! He’s the last person I thought I’d be crushing on, as he’s so not my type personality wise he’s so arrogant, and yet here I am...he’s a looker though and I think that’s how I got hooked. He’s like a film star, and I’m sure he’s attached too. I mean how can some 1 that hot be NOT?? He’s a neighbor, and he smiles at me sometimes, I see him often and he’s with a large group of people. He is a real show off with the best car. I’m sure he has some fancy highly paid job or whatever I’m a lowly classroom assistant... I feel like cr*p for having this stupid crush. I’m 25 years old not 15!!
I have been with my fiance since I was 16, maybe that’s what it is..boredom?? who knows? All I know is I’m sick of it, and fed up of feeling like a fool every time I see him. I have had such stupid fantasies of having sex with him!! ( It sickens me to feel this it’s WRONG!
written by Cae110, 03 June, 2012
I would like to say thank you to Lady2cents. Your post was very inspiring and helpful. I will try very hard to follow your advice. Thank you for your post.
written by cornelia, 04 June, 2012
my story same as much as yours

but i let it go .. cus he found love with somebody else
but make sure that he will back to you and REGRET of letting you go
written by Andrew dw, 10 June, 2012
Hahaha thanks
written by Jay12, 12 June, 2012
So many posts and this all started years ago. Just goes to show how strong love can be. I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. He has completely moved on. It was not the best relationship but I did love him. I still do. All I wanted was to talk about things and clear the air. He was an avoidant. Hated to discuss his feelings and needed his space. I have a feeling that even if I was perfect, he still would have broken up with me. So here I am, I know he does not love me anymore because he said it. I know he is not coming back. I keep hoping he will but I have a better chance to winning millions in the lottery. I still love him and I still cry from time to time. I feel there is so much wasted time when we are not together. However, he does no think this. He is enjoying his life, laughing and smiling, enjoying and seeing the good parts of what makes life worth living. What am I doing? Seeing everything miserably. I have dated but no one interests me. I have been out of the apartment but keep thinking about it every day, every hour! I am exhausted. I have to come to the conclusion that we will all be disappointed in life. Life is full of negative situations and one day, you end up dead. Whether it be due to age, or sickness or suicide. The point is, if life is all about disappointments, then why worry so much? I just feel like letting go. Not having anymore expectations. Just live and let live. Having hope and expectations always makes me feel bad. Am I being pessimistic when I write this? People always say you will find someone better, that you deserve someone better. Well, what if I don’t meet this person. What if I remain single the rest of my life? Does this mean my life is over? I would be stupid if I answered yes. It seems obvious to me that most of us here are very sensitive and we care about these idiots who do not love us. Why are we finding it so difficult to move on? Is it because we have low self esteem? Is it because we self sabotaged ourselves by placing ourselves in these negative relationships, that we rendered our minds sick! Is this fear of being alone part of something bigger and deeper within all of us? Why are we obsessing about being with these people when clearly they do not want to be with us? So many questions. Maybe that is why it is so hard to move on- because we do not understand why we are acting this way in the first place. The guy that left me was wonderful and smart and intelligent, yet he did things that showed me that he did not love me. Truly love me. The fact that he just left rather than discussing the issues and seeing if there was a way to save the relationship tells me that he wanted to be free of me. To be free to meet other people or just to be by himself. Being with me was not an option for him. We cannot control other people. They need to change themselves. To better themselves. So do we. Only when we better ourselves can we see things more clearly. I have been going to a co defendants anonymous group lately that is helping. I think my past relationship made me co dependent. If it was a healthier relationship, I would probably have been fine. Some people are not the right match for us. In any case, I still love him despite knowing all of this. Love truly is crap when it goes wrong. My heart is with you all! I think we are all special people to love these guys despite the way they teat us. We just need to be able to stand on our own two feet.
written by lady gaga, 12 June, 2012
i wish you well. I have known the pain of loving someone, being loved by them in return, and then the rejection afterwards. It is so difficult to accept that what had seemed so wonderful and true was, in fact, not so. I loved my ex for a long time after he left me. He even contacted me again after he had embarked on a new relationship. It was the hardest thing in the world to say to myself – no, I deserve better treatment than this. It didn’t feel right at the time, but I stuck to it and now I am glad. He was only using me and I think if you read back over your post, you’ll see that your guy is similarly inclined. HE HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND!!! That is all the evidence that you need.
written by Sania, 16 June, 2012
awww i completely understand its too hard
written by Sania, 16 June, 2012
I have been in this situation .. i loved him to the core... even he admitted that he loved me.... but later he felt i was short by height . am 5 feet and he is about 6 feet ... he told me one day that he cant take it if someone points at him saying that ur girl is too short .. and now we are normal, he hug kiss n sleep together.. but no sex thought...

i dont know how to react to this.
written by Lostinthehazecalledlove, 16 June, 2012
What does one do when they’ve never been in love? I’ve always been the girl who everyone likes in the sisterly way and anyone can talk to, but I never have actually had someone like me, or tell me I’m beautiful, or appreciate me. It’s not that I’m ugly or weird or anything, people just seem to never be interested. And it is absolutely heartbreaking to be that one girl without a boyfriend to cuddle with during a movie, or to stroll through the park, sharing kisses, on the weekend. My self esteem has been destroyed by boys and they’ve never even personally done anything to me. It’s just the feeling of being unloved and utterly alone.
written by Alone in Jackson, 16 June, 2012
I too have been fighting the pain of dealing with loving someone that does not love me back. It’s been months and the hurt is still debilitating. Some of the comments were awful, insensitive, but mostly all true. There are no words that can ease the pain. Time helps but does not always help. Truth is, I don’t have any advice. I personally just try to get through each day as happy as I can. Some days that’s not possible, but somedays it is. Ive been hurt quite a bit. Sometimes it was all my fault but sometimes it wasn’t. Either way, each day has it’s trials and I can only say that I hope things get better; for me and for all of those people that have broken hearts. Broken hearts hurt!

I hope that one day my heart is happy. I hope that I can look past what I think I need to what I really need; regardless of the package. The only thing I can do is give it more time and keep praying. One day this torture will go away and love will fill the hole that hurt filled.

All the best to those with broken hearts!
written by Clawmachineaddict, 18 June, 2012
I’ve been best friends with this guy for five or so years and I’ve fallen in love with him. He got my hints so he asked me out of course I accepted.
A week later I learned from his future girlfriend that it was all a jokeI was so angry because I always have bad relationships and I didn’t know why I always attracted the jerks.
But the worst part is that I took him back... now me and his girlfriend are fighting because she doesn’t like home and has nothing in common with him...
I have so much in common with him but I have no idea why he likes her instead... he knows I’m jealous and its about to wreck our friendship. Uch
written by omeke, 02 July, 2012
written by Sarabearboo, 03 July, 2012
I know how it feels too. People say your too young to fall in love at 14 but, I did. I met this kid camping one time & we talked & talked for hours by the camp fire. I had spent the next three days with him. I went home & he only lived down the street from me. We went to the same school after the same summer & we started texting & he was flirting with me. I really fell for him. We would always meet & i know everything about him & he knew everything about me. For Christmas I made him a card & he got me a necklace with a heart on it. A few weeks later I told him how I felt & he never responded. We stopped talking in school & everything. Then Valentine’s Day came around & i made him a card and got him a purple football like he always wanted. I customized it with his name on it & everything. I left the card in his locker telling me to meet at the park after school. He showed up with another girl & told me it was his girlfriend. I wanted to cry. I gave him the football & walked home. That was the last time we spoke. Yet, I still love him & make him cards & leave him presents.
written by grey clouds in my heart, 04 July, 2012
I am a 25year old woman, I have done well for myself. I’m the youngest attorney at the law firm I work at... Men have always chased me, I have always had the control in every relationship and always been the one to end it.but I also felt so empty for so long because I had never experienced love... Until I met a young 21 year old, he was so different to everything I had ever known. He had so much energy for life and so artistic, after the first time we met I knew it was different... I for the very first time in my life fell madly in love with him... We saw each other every day for 3months, until my family and friends started putting pressure on me to make it official between us.. So I told him that this somewhere in the middle is has red flags all over it and that I had developed feelings for him, therefor I didn’t want to get hurt, he had to decide, either he was going to date me or it was going to be nothing.. When he said he just wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it would have to be nothing I was crushed (and shocked since no man has ever rejected me b4) my friends told me to keep quiet, he would come running back!! After a month on silence, I broke and regretted pushing him into a corner to decide! I tried to get back in contact with him, but he seldom replied to my smses or when he did it was very short... 2months have now passed and I’m still crying like a school girl day and night.. I live in a small town and I keep bumping into him.. A few days ago I saw him kissing and holding hands with another girl.. Who has purple hair and eye brow piercings.. I don’t understand how he could chose someone like her, not that I have anything against her personally, its just that she is nothing like me!!!! And he seems to happy with her! I have let this consume my life, its impacted on my job.. And I just don’t know how to get over it.. I fell in love with a student! Basically a child, and I am embarrassed by that and yet I can’t let go!! My friends tell me my ego has taken a knock and that’s what makes it worse for me.. That may be so... And yes maybe he really doesn’t deserve me and all that.. It still doesn’t stop me from wanting him back and regretting my decisions.. I know what I need to do, move on! I just don’t know how to do it!
written by Heartbroken man 1, 03 August, 2012
I’m reading through all these interesting topics and peoples experiences and i must admit this has been helpful. I was starting to feel I’m crazy and weak feeling the way i do but it seems we all share similar heart breaking stories.

I’m a 33 year old male, divorced with a child. My kid lives with his mother and i don’t really get to see much of him unfortunately. My past has been difficult and my divorce had a great impact on my capability to fall in love..or so i thought..It was quite a tragic divorce and I made the decision to step out of the marriage since it just wasn’t working anymore.

Anyway, about a year ago, i met this woman whom ive known since College. I’ve always had a secret crush for her years back and never did anything about it. Anyway this woman had also just went through a divorce herself about the same time i did, and we just clicked since we shared similar backgrounds and marriage experience. We started talking, texting, going out to lunch, etc and we turned into best friends. Months passed and I started to fall for her and my crush started to grow more and more day by day. However I felt deep inside she wasn’t in to me as much as i was into her...there was something holding her back..All i kept thinking to myself was "how is she not falling for me? any woman being treated the way i’m treating her should be floating with love right now." Anyways,that didnt stop me. I treated her like a queen, gave her all my energy and love till one day we agreed to finally start dating. Everyone around us was so happy, they all thought we were the perfect couple, the perfect match..her mother, sister, granparents, friends, relatives, you name it. everyone saw the potential of this relationship. Anyway, we start dating and for about 2 weeks we were on the clouds..we would cuddle and make out for hours on the couch..she would sleep in my arms for hours and it was heavenly. I would look into her eyes and see a woman in love..she was mine and she had fallen for me..we both knew it. We would say intimate things to each other, discuss future, etc etc. It was the best time of my life. It was so obvious at that point she was in love as her actions purely say so even though shes never expressed it. I was high on love and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be with her... finally after all these years of an endless crush i now have her in my arms..i was willing to do anything for her, anything to please her and make her happy...anyway, On the third week, after we had slept together already..i started feeling she was being distant. I kept asking her what was wrong and she wouldn’t give me any clear answers...I received a mail one day at work saying i was suffocating her and she needs more space... she also mentioned that she doesn’t feel ready to tell people we’re a couple (even though we had already announced it) This was heart breaking for me since our growth and intimacy was mutual..i didn’t understand what made her feel this way as i know for a fact i was very careful about invading her space. Since then Day by day i felt she was slipping away from me..cute texts stopped, I wasn’t seeing her as much, she was changing to a whole new person..its like she was trying to avoid me for some reason. Anyway, out of respect and not to seem pushy or immature I stepped back and i went along with the negative flow. by the end of the week, she asked me to come over to have have a "good" chat. I knew it was over at that point. Anyway, we have our "good" chat and she claims that she feels she’s not ready for any kind of relationship, and she doesn’t feel we click anymore. I tried to understand how she switched from white to black this fast but i was unable to collect any solid or concrete information..I took it all in like a man, absorbed the torturous conversation and walked out like a gentleman. I saw in her eyes that i was speaking to a new woman..a woman with no feelings for me..those were not the same eyes i looked into when she was in my arms. This was a whole different woman...this was a woman with anger inside her..there was a protective shield on her heart..a shield that was not there was painful to see it.

So i walk out and i drive home in Pain...i was so hurt to lose hurt to lose something so special..all my energy and love invested gone to the trash..flushed in a moment. It was all over and there was nothing i can do about it...I was crazy about her and so madly in love with her..but it seems it was one-sided.

written by Heartbroken man 2, 03 August, 2012
This Breakup took place a week I’m not recovered and im not over her...i still think about her everyday and every moment. I miss her smell, her hair, voice and touch..but thats all gone now and i’m back to square 1, alone. I have to admit, this has been one of the most unpredictable heartbreaking experiences i’ve ever had with a woman..I have never felt the way i do for someone, (i don’t remember feeling this way for my ex-wife at any point)...especially when there was no clear explanation to her actions. How could she do this to me? How could she betray our trust like that? don’t i deserve at least a proper explanation for closure? did i not please her in bed? was i not interesting and smart enough for her? did i say or do something that turned her off completely without knowing? All these questions will remain un-answered..and to be honest it’s eating me inside.

How am i recovering or forcing myself to stop obsessing about her? 1- Deleted her from my phone, my email, pictures, everything. 2- God and praying every day. 3- Going to the gym, working out and feeling better about myself. 4- Spending time with Family and Friends as much as possible..spending time with people who genuinely care. 5- reading a good book before going to bed. These have all helped a little with the withdrawal syndrome and are supporting with the recovery..but its a painful process i must admit and i hate feeling this vulnerable and weak I wish her the best in life and i thank her for the wonderful 2 weeks we had together.

If you have any comments or suggestions to maybe why a woman would suddenly react this way..please do share.

written by rich29292929, 10 August, 2012
going through the same thing.. I love this girl... she is my world.. I enjoyed the time I had with her.. I am a virgin. things were so good. now she is gone and things are grey. I stopped eating and will just continue this until i fall into coma hopefully and just die.. its day 10 ive read all the things online and talked to many people.. I am not getting over her.. I dont want somebody else.. I am happy i had the time I did with her.. Im just over it all and done.. and unless things change very soon im really am done.. im ok with that now i guess... maybe im different and love more deeply than other people... people say get over it blah blah find someone else blah blah... or say they been through it... obviously not.. if they loved like i do they would understand they cant get over it.. I need her so badly.. I can see her face in my sleep... so ill just sleep til its over or til change... I hope she saves me ..I wouldve jumped I wouldve pulled the trigger or cut myself I just dont have the guts. i dont want to die.. I dont want to feel like this anymore.. I wont be happy without her in my life... Im sorry
written by beentherendontwanttogoback, 16 August, 2012
I have read some of these posts and must say, LIFE (YOUR LIFE) is too precious to be crying, worrying and being so obsessed over someone that most likely doesn’t feel the same as you do. Ive had my share of pain, joy, tears, happiness blah blah blah. Some of you are in the situation because either 1. your blind 2. you let the other person use you 3. no confidence WITHIN 4. no/low self esteem 5. YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY, DEAL WITH THE PAIN AND MOVE THE HELL ON!! THIS PERSON OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT CARE OR FEEL THE SAME AS YOU DO.

written by Shonette, 24 August, 2012
I need some advice, My best bguddy of five yrs admits to me that he loves me.When i admitted it to him he told me that it won’t work out. What is that suppose to me?
written by ismi, 28 August, 2012
All here what Oprah said about Man


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no,

you can’t "be friends". A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better".

You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women..

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up..
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...

Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. ..

There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...

A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. ..

Look for someone complimentary. ...not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house..

Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phill

You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing.

If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one.
They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.

Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts....

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...
You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare..


written by jackie 360, 01 September, 2012
Buddy just have the courage to face the reality. there is some one better for u who will fell the same as u feel abt ya.keep smiling
written by Gingersoph, 12 October, 2012
I’m reading all these thinking you are all right!! You can only stop yourself, no one else can, so if you remove yourself slowly but surely until they have no contact from you, you can’t contact them (well depends if your constantly on facebook, coz this shit is a fucker upper) and eventually they’ll stop invading your mind you’ll learn that you’ll never know the answers to all the questions you constantly ask yourself, you’ll put them at the back of your mind and only remember them when you hear a song or see something and eventually the feelings will subside so you can learn to love another human and get it back in return. They may be a lovely person, but the same thing happens everytime, its like a routine between us now and we wait so long for it to happen and then it does, but this time I genuinely mean it, we should stop. I mean I can’t even be friends with a guy without fucking it up these days! Which is why I stay away from relationships and the reason I feel so shitty most of the time. All you need is to distract yourself and honestly it does help, even little meaningless tasks like vacuuming or in my case getting a job at a charity shop. Taking my mind off everything that spins around like a movie reel in my head, over and over till eventually I get angry with myself because I always have the ‘what if’ scenario at the back of my mind which never shuts up! And that’s what makes it worse! You have to face facts, its never going to happen, its incapable of happening, but every time you fool yourself maybe this time it’ll be different maybe this time they’ve changed and it ends up they haven’t and you sit with a million sharp shards of your heart stabbing you in the chest working its way up to your brain.

I don’t know what I want! I want a boyfriend I want a cute relationship I want to be in love with someone who cares. But at the same time I don’t because I know at some point it will end, I’ll be heartbroken and at some point down the line I’ll see him happy with someone else doing the things that I wanted to do with him but I was afraid of and I’ll have the mental breakdown we all feel when this happens. Most of the time when I walk past places we’ve been together I smile and a million memories come flooding back to me and then I realize all that’s over, its like hearing someones died, your heart stops tears well up starting in your throat and for a moment you feel like its you who’s died. Every day. Every single fucking day that happens.

so I’ve learned distraction is key. forget you even own a phone/facebook/twitter or that they live a few doors away. If you stop yourself thinking about what if 24/7 you’ll help yourself move on.

written by Sarah Michelle, 22 October, 2012
I’m going through the same thing. The guy constantly flirts with me yet still continues to date other girls.
written by AngelaSmith1234, 01 November, 2012
I am married and about a year ago got a new job in June. In July I started chatting & e-mailing with a co-worker. Quickly it started to be flirty. Then he told me he was in a relationship. We both felt like we wanted to continue the chatting and flirting. The e-mails got very sexual. We met up a coupe times, but did not actually have sex.
Then his GF caught one of the e-mails in August and things ended immediately.
Then a couple weeks later I got an e-mail from him, and things started back up again. And again she caught one of the e-mails, and it ended again.
All thru this time we still worked together so saw each other frequently. When things were "off" he barely talked to me and it seemed like he was trying to avoid me.
Thru this whole time my husband never discovered anything.
Then in November I mentioned to him that I was going to be free for the weekend and did he want to hook up? He said no, but e-mailed me on the Sunday night (right after my husband got back home) and wanted me to come over. Of course I could not.
His GF caught that e-mail too, and broke up with him and kicked him out, but things with us ended also.
The next few months went by still working at the same place and I kept trying to flirt with him and dresses very sexy to try to entice him, and finally it worked. In May he made a sexual comment to me and it was back on again. Flirting at work, making little trips to the stock room etc. We did not meet up outside of work tho.
Then one day my husband caught one of our e-mails and BAM it was all out. He went crazy, told the guy’s GF what was happening (they had gotten back together) called him and threatened him and made me quit my job.
On my last day there I gave him my e-mail address at my new job, just in case.
A week later I rec’d an e-mail from him. We have been e-mailing and chatting a few times since then. I know he was just using me. He would contact me then a few days later he would shut it down saying "I can’t do this anymore" He did that to me about 6 times.
Now he is leaving town in a month and said he wants to finally sleep with me before he leaves. (we had not actually had sex this whole time) I have tried to make times when this can happen, but he always says he can’t at the last minute.
I know I’m being a sucker and shouldn’t let him treat me this way, but I really feel like I’m addicted to him and just can’t way no every time he comes back into my life. I think about him all the time, and want him so badly.
Please help me, how can I get him out of my head and finally say NO.

written by somebody i used 2 know, 30 November, 2012
I’m in the same situation!
: (
I will try to survive with no pain. Thanks for the advice Eule.

written by Truth hurtz, 14 December, 2012
It’s not love. I repeat, it’s not love. What 99% of you are describing is infatuation or lust. In most cases, the other person is either not attracted to you or didn’t like your personality once they got to know you better. Still sucks, but it’s not love. Love is a process, not only a feeling.
written by Loveterrible, 16 December, 2012
I’m in love with two people. I never thought that could happen. My first love has come back into my life and it hurts because he is too late. I was single for so long waiting for him to come around. I’m in love with my current boyfriend he is wonderful and respectful. We connect so well. I don’t understand why I still have strong feelings towards my first love. When I hung out with him I completely forget about my current boyfriend. When i’m with my current boyfriend I can completely forget about my first love. But when i’m alone I think I think about my first love more. It hurts me because I love my boyfriend now so much but a part of me does want to be with the first. I’m scared to go back with my first love because he broke my heart so bad the first time he never cheated or anything but I feel like I cant trust him enough to be a consistently good boyfriend he never showed me as much appreciation and love as my current boyfriend. Why do these feelings for him not go away makes me so mad!!!!
written by BOFFONNC, 08 January, 2013
I spent two years loving someone who never loved me back. Trust him when he says he is not ready. LISTEN to what he says. I also wish I had walked away at the start. The empty feeling I have now is beyond painful and I regret loving him in many ways. RUN.Don’t look back. If you matter, if it’s meant to be, he will find you.
written by madcow, 06 February, 2013
I have been friends with a man who has so much in common with me for over 27 years. We initially worked together and are in the same business – media and entertainment. We had no sexual relationship until I had divorced my husband and was living in another area and he came to stay the odd night. Both very busy in our own jobs we kept in contact via phone, letter and eventually texting. We had a good, friendly, jokey relationship, I never imagined having strong feelings for him even though I was strongly attracted to him sexually and he to me. we met occasionally but I always called the shots. He came running. 2 years ago he texted me to say his wife had left him and he was upset. I was unsympathetic which upset him further. He has tried internet dating but still hankered after his wife. I in the meantime re-married my ex who is 20 years older than me, really to look after him in his old age. (We have no sex life). I have for the last 6 months embarked on an affair with my old friend and now to my horror, find I am deeply in love with him. I would never tell him though. He confides all his deepest secrets to me. We meet twice a week (he lives nearby). We have the best loving relationship sexually, I have ever had. He kisses me passionately at any time, holds my hand when in cinema, takes me to theatres and other things. We have meals out or in and he texts me most of the day and night when I am not with him.
We are the same age, have the same tastes in music and everything else,same sense of humour and intellectual level. I asked him if he liked me as a person, and he replied that he LOVED me as a person. We never go to sleep without saying a fond good night by text. However, I freely council him about his wife who is with someone else (even though it is a form of self flagellation) and offer sympathetic advice. He is very mixed up about her as he has to meet up at times when with their children. She appears to be not remotely interested in him anymore. He calls me endearing names and is very thoughtful and caring. My husband may know vaguely but has in a way, given me his blessing as I look after him well. Is it possible my lover might eventually love me truly as I do him, he knows I am fond of him as I reciprocate his emails in the same vein, but always more guarded. We are both very passionate people in all walks of life. Is this a relationship that could thrive in later life?
written by heartache, 10 February, 2013
So....I’m in a crazy situation. I met this guy and we started off as just friends. It was a close friendship and things started to turn physical. We didn’t mean for it to get that the way I’m married I have been trying to get a divorce for yrs and it is finally going to be done in June. I love him and find myself sacrificing for him. Isn’t that what real love is? Sacrificing and no expectation in return? I am also 10 yrs older than him which he says never bothered him as I look 10 yrs younger. I my early 30 and him early 20. We get together and sometimes sleep together but i can’t read him at all. Every time we hang out now he won’t talk for a few days after. We promised each other that nothin would wnd the friendship and that this could stop at anytime. My feeling just got stronger and I took him out to one of my fav places and tried to tell him....I didn’t get a lot out as i am afraid of rejection. I wrote a letter and he promised he would throw it away....well he holds on to it but says he doesn’t know why. I flat out asked one day if he had feelings and he said no....bit then went on to say that it wouldn’t work b c I am.married....I reminded him they I was separated and had been for sometime and if that made a difference on how he felt and he said he didn’t know. I have never ever felt like this about n e one. Why won’t he let me keep him? is it the age difference, is he arrows of what ppl will say, what is going on. Sometimes he will sit w me for hrs in the car in the driveway....he is so back and forth about everything and he ignore my calls a lot.....I could never imagine loving n e obe else as much as I have him.
written by Anonymous 674848;5, 11 February, 2013
Lots of things I think have been said. Ask him
To dump his girlfriend for you and if that won’t work then leave him and live your life, over tone you will heal.

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