Past Comments – I am attracted to my husband's best friend

Comments (10)

written by babyrdgz04, 02 July, 2006
Thank you for your helpful info, but I am still confused about one thing...
How can I tell if for sure I don’t love him like I used to and it is just the convenience of still being together?

written by Expert, 02 July, 2006
Probably the best to think about is this: If you had to pick a person to spend a day with right now, who would it be? And ask yourself the same question about five years from now: If there were only one person you could spend the entire day with, who would it be? If you don’t enjoy your husband’s company and companionship – that should tell you something. Couples who are happily married and stay in love – try to spend their free time together because they love being around each other.
your husband
written by Ahmad, 11 February, 2007
The only way is to talk about it with your husband. He needs to understand that you are trying to keep your marriage and have your sexual desires fulfilled at the same time. And he shouldn’t stop in your way or either you will cheat on him or divorce him...
written by cinderella, 06 January, 2010
I have almost the same issue only my husband has a terminal illness and has been sick for years After years of caretaking, I am drained, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Although sometimes I feel guilty about it, his friend and I have become close friends and talk everyday via email as we live 7 states away. however, I have noticed that I am becoming more attracted to him every day and I am confused by it.
written by bina baby, 22 March, 2011
I’m in the same situation. I recently started talking to my husband’s best friend. we both want to visit each other so we can get to know each other better. I am starting to develop strong feelings for my husband’s best friend and he has strong feelings for me. I’ve only been married for a year and a few months and I got married when i turned 20. I’m really confused i don’t know what to do. Can anyone help????
written by livka, 23 August, 2011
I too am in the same situation as Cinderella. However there is eighteen years difference and my first marriage and his second. I am drained in every facet, and I have had enough of his abuse on me and our children. He feels sorry for himself because he has terminal cancer, mind you he has had it 5 years and specialists gave him 2 years. He is still here mentally abusive as ever now. I feel our whole marriage of ten years, besides my kids have been a waste. My children are exactly like me respectful and loving. It is our anniversary on Thursday he makes no attempt to organize anything, this year I want to surround myself around positive and lively people, I am going out on my own!!!!
written by Appalled, 15 November, 2011
**The following is posted as myself being a Christian...people who aren’t "religious", please don’t feel offended...I only look to extend help, and I feel that I can only grant this kind of help through my I hope no one feels offended**

I’m a Christian... and the messages I read sicken my heart. I would hope to the dearest of my soul that my wife would never do that to me if I were to become terminally ill. If any of you are Christian wives... please read what the bible has to say. Even if your husband is a callous, uncaring tyrant, you must show your warmth and heart as a Christian, and still be submissive and loving. Although it is hard to believe how one can do this, it is a higher calling that the lord has bestowed upon us as his children to be above worldly thinking..

I also, as a Christian husband, have an equal, emotionally sacrificial duty to fulfill from God’s hands. If my wife were to have a terminal illness (I pray it never happens), I would give her my heart, soul, and spirit in pursuit of her happiness until the day my human body collapses. This includes if she nagged myself, my family, and berated me (should her condition include mental deterioration); I would still give her all the love my soul and spirit can afford. If you feel completely drained, pray for the energy that God can provide and he will be close to you.

Even if my wife cheated on me.. the bible mentions this as an exception for a "D" (d*v*rc*). I would still unconditionally seek prayer and guidance from the lord to help restore the glory in our relationship. I would fight until my heart gave out. I would go as far as to say I would die from the emotional stress placed on my heart, and from a spiraling depression before I would ever consider "D".

I would hope that there are other Christians out there that share these feelings with me...
written by Confussed Today, 08 February, 2012
I feel for all of you for I am in the same boat. I did not want to admit it to my self. My husband is now a sweet person and renovated and changed. He use to be verbably and mentally abusive and Physically abusive. There were times I wished I would just die. I wanted him to find a girl and leave us alone. He founds girls thast for sure but he never left. He cheated so many times I cant count with my fingers. I helped him become legal in the us by marriage. He left to Mexico and ended up messing around with girl in Mexico. He never took me or the kids. When h turned 36 I decided to leave him and started to change and not come home. He realized he was really loosing me. He asked me for anther chance and did change almost completely. He did go to Mexico and messed up a couple more times. He said it was because I was not cuddly with him. I forgave him once again. My feeling toward him have changed tremendously. I love him but I’m not in love with him. I will miss him and I know I’m use to be being with him. He is really nice now and has been behaivng for over 7 months. He is kinds sends me love notes and poems just abour everyday. But my feeling toward being with him intimately are not exactly what i would like them to be. I have to immagine somone else everytime. It happens to be my husbands friens. I know his friend also likes me cause we kinda flirt with each other in a very clean way. But I do feel his vibe for year now. I have know him for almost ten years. I’m not sure of what to do. My husband know I’m not in love with him. He know he has messed up big time. But the children are happy with Renovated Dad. It takes a big man to change. But 7 months ago he lost his wallet at the Nudy Bar again in mexico. Its a place of drinks and beyond. I’m not sure of what to think of all this. The name calling verbal and physical abuse have completely stopped for all of us. He is a hard working man comes home everyday. Has dinner with us now everyday. Wants to be involed in the kids school academics and social life. He lends a helping hand for money and or assistance in anything the kids need. He helps my mom with little money here or there. He tells me sorry almost everyday, He also tells me he loves me and thanks God for his change. I don’t think I have recentment toward him anymore. But as far as being lovey Dovey not sure where that is going. I use to not let him touch me at all, but that was due to the rage I had against him. Now i have forgiven him but not sure on what to do about my feeling. He will send me messages like Honey 6... but I dont like to answer cause I’m not up to par. We are intimate but like I said physically I’m there but mentally I’m not. I cant make me be there. My minds flies away and I start thinking about his best friens. I have 4 Kids one moved out of the house and 3 Teens. Help me with some advice.
written by Loving husband, 25 February, 2012
The fact that your still with him after all this turmoil shows that you love him unconditionally. As far as romantic love and affection apparently he took that trust away from you. The damage has been done; You now need to consider if you can handle the serious road to recovery from such pain and abuse that your husband bestowed upon you. It will take a long time both on his part and yours a very long time to gain any sort of trust. Unfortunately your relationship will never be the same.- So the two of you should definitely talk about it and start planning your future whether its together or not.(IF he is not abusive). Communication goes along way in every aspect of life. Sharing your thoughts and feelings about your relationship with him will put aside any fantasy or fairytale about whats really going on. He will appreciate you more, yet understand that he has brought you into this world of numbness and discontent. It will then be easier to workout the situation whether together are apart. Above else -either way it goes end it on a good note.
written by Heartbrokenwife, 05 March, 2012
Please do not put your families or marriages through this with thoughts of cheating! My husband cheated on me and broke my heart into a million pieces, all because he felt he couldn’t talk to me. How much work he put into an affair could have been put into restoring our marriage! Instead he got caught and as I am struggling to forgive him, his children HATE him! They haven’t said a word to him since they found out. I struggle to believe him when he says he loves only me and I see the remorse and his feelings of suicide that he portrayed when I was about to leave him when I found out. Now I have to be the one to assure him that I won’t LEAVE HIM! I try to talk to my children about opening up their hearts to forgive him too. Please think about the other wife and children before you sleep with that best friend because you will DESTROY your spouse and find out that it wasn’t what you wanted at all!!! You will pay a bigger price for this than anyone else and will REGRET IT! You will lose respect and nothing will ever make you trustworthy again! You are SELFISH to behave this way and no one likes a cheater – especially the cheater themself!

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