Past Comments – My Wife Kissed Another Man

Comments (85)

You are still very lucky!
written by Guest, 14 June, 2006
I think you are so very lucky to have a wife like that. I don’t think that she would call you up and just admit to kissing someone just once but twice. I think she is being truthful and is truly sorry. I think she loves you very much and didn’t want to hurt your feelings and that is why she is so very upset.
I wouldn’t make her feel bad for telling you about it either because she’ll feel she’ll never be able to tell you anything ever again. Good Luck I think you and your wife have something very special.
written by djl, 14 June, 2006
After processing what happened to me I believe my emotions have calmed down and we are all only human. Anybody is capable of making a mistake at least once. I forgive my wife and don’t think it will happen again. And want to thank all who responded and gave comments.
Make this a wake up call...
written by Ven Haris, 19 March, 2007
Forgive your wife and START COMMUNICATING!!

The person is right on when they said most people who have been cheated on would envy your situation!
written by x, 29 November, 2007
I am in the same situation right now and don’t know how to feel it happened to me about a week ago now. My wife did not have a friend there to stop her and she remembers kissing him. It did not go any farther then that but he wanted it to and she turned him down. I am wondering will she do it again she told me when we got home what happened and that she loves me and married me and wants to be with me. What do I do?
written by the wife, 03 January, 2008
For "x" and all others in this situation:

I am the wife who has kissed another while extremely inebriated; however, I panicked and stopped it at a kiss. I felt all giddy and romantic (like when I was a teenager) until the next day when I felt horrible for betraying my husband like that! I’ve been married 12 wonderful years, and after much consideration and advice-seeking, I decided not to tell my husband because I know that he’s my one true love and that it would only hurt him for me to admit such a weakness. I also realized that the "romantic, giddy" emotions were purely alcohol-induced. I am not AT ALL attracted to the other man! My husband and I have joked quite a bit about "open" relationships and "what happens in fill-in-the-blank stays in fill-in-the-blank," but I know now for certain that I will never do anything to seriously jeopardize my marriage!
written by GoingInsane Aj, 20 February, 2008
Not even gonna read the other comments. You have a GOOD woman. Count yourself lucky that she is confident enough in you and your marriage to admit right off the bat that she screwed up. I would let my wife kiss 100 guys if I only knew I could trust her to tell me. And man, a kiss? It happens, get past that. She felt bad or she wouldn’t have told ya.
written by BT, 11 June, 2008
I don’t think you should trust her again. I wife cheated on me not long ago. I found out that she kissed the guy and also consider him as her "honey". Anyway, after I knew I found out and she sorry and said it wont happen again. But after many thinking. I came to a conclusion is that once she are able to kiss another guy, that means she has no feelings with you anymore. No matter how she felt sorry for what she’s done, you’d never get back a love like before. It’s very said but put it to an end is good for both of you.
written by Somebody, 23 June, 2008
Well I was in similar situation, I went with my single girl friend to night club,while my husband was traveling in California. The girl that was with me met a group of young men, some of them were from Boston. I didn’t plan to meet anybody, but I met him, young, gorgeous and hot 100% Italian 24 years old. He told me so many complements about how I look, how beautiful I am. We started to kiss like crazy, I will be honest, I hadn’t felt that happy in a long time. My husband is only concerned about my visits to the Gym and he is always negative about my looks and during sex he doesn’t like to kiss at all.
So in this crazy evening I felt drunk and happy but something stop me of having sex with this hottie in the end. I am not a woman who is looking for just fun for night.
I didn’t leave my phone or email and just ran away from that club, next days I was thinking how beautiful could be sex with him.
I think that my husband is guilty because he put me in that position – where there no life exists for me as a woman and sex is not so important.
I realize that it is wrong to kiss somebody. But being ignored by your own husband is 10 times more wrong!!!
written by Reno, 24 June, 2008
I took my wife to a wine tasting. At the end there was a raffle, my wife went to the bar to get a drink and as they were about to begin the raffle I went to get her. I saw her hug and kiss another man... it took everything in me not to beat the s#!t out of him and walk away from our 20 year marriage. I am still dealing with this and trying to figure out what to do... I don’t know if the advice they gave you is good, I’m too close to my own situation... good luck.
written by even, 14 November, 2008
I found out my wife of 3 years was seeing someone, no sex but kisses and cuddles. My world is rubbish now and I feel sorry for my kids. I would never trust her again, If there is communication problems she should say so!!!!!!! Kissing someone is NOT acceptable. My wife cries all the time but I don’t care. I would never trust her again!
written by ???, 19 November, 2008
My husband and I have had a pretty good and frequent sex life until I severely injured my back two months ago. It made sex impossible and painful. So we stopped trying. Two weeks ago he spent the day drinking with the boys and possibly getting high. That night we went to a party I had to work early and left him there. He woke me when he got home a told me he messed around with a girl at the party. They didn’t have sex partly because he was too drunk to get hard and partly because something spotted him. He swears that if he hadn’t been so drunk it wouldn’t have happened. And is sorry and wants to stay together yada yada everything ya’ll have heard. And I am hurt and angry and sad etc. It hasn’t happened before, he has cut way back on the beer. And made good on every promise since then. So is he forgivable/trustworthy or a lost cause?
written by tacoman, 21 November, 2008
My kissed another man on a works night out and met him a few times after that.
She told me what happened during sex one night and what a turn on I found it my boring wife has a dark side.
Now we use it to our advantage looking at and watching hardcore porn, sitting in pubs asking each other who we find attractive. It is a turn on but only to get each other hot and horny.
written by Sure!, 02 January, 2009
Somebody, no offense, but your husband didn’t put you in that position if you didn’t tell him how you feel about things. If you told him you want to kiss more and so on and he didn’t care, then I agree.
written by Kirby, 04 January, 2009
My best friend just cheated on her fiance with my "honey’s" brother who has a girlfriend who he is planning to ask to marry and a 4 month old son. Her Fiance is one of my friends and I do not know weather or not to tell him. Not to mention the fact that my "honey’s" brother is, well my "honey’s" brother. I know I have been cheated on before and it hurts like a bitch. I am glad that I found out that they cheated so that I could break it off. Have you heard the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater?" Well I believe that to be true to an extent. If they cheated on an "EX" that doesn’t necessarily mean that they will cheat on you. You are a different person and a different situation. But if they cheat on you, well then I believe they do not have enough respect for you or their relationship with you to be with you. Therefor it should end. If they said they love you, then they shouldn’t have done that so they really don’t. Even if they were REALLY drunk that they don’t "remember" I think that’s a bunch of bologna because their subconscious still knows that they have a husband/wife and they shouldn’t be in the situation in the first place. And when they start crying and apologizing about how bad they feel, it’s not because they care about you, (or they wouldn’t be in the situation they are in), it’s because they care about the fact that you are mad at them. No one likes when someone is mad at them. It’s plain science of the human emotion.
written by Sour2444, 06 January, 2009
Married 8 years and kissed another women. I went to a bar one night to shoot pool because I could not sleep. My wife was taking care of her sick mother (this makes it worse). I was shooting pool and had a few nice people come and ask me if they could play too. I agreed. Three pints in one hour I was ready to leave, starting to feel the affects, and the man asked if I could take two of the girls home, they lived in the same direction as me. I agreed (first mistake). A married man should not drive any girls home. But the alcohol impaired my judgment and I agreed.
I dropped off the first girl and got to the second girls house and she asked me if I had to use the rest-room or anything before I left. I did have to urinate badly so I said yes. I went in (second mistake). While in the rest-room I was noticing the affects of the alcohol. I left the rest-room and she called me into the living room to see the lights on the water. She walked over to the bar and asked me If I wanted a drink. third mistake – I should have bolted but being drunk now I just said no and was oblivious that she was hitting on me. She then kissed me and I did not push her away. I kissed her back for a few seconds and then freaked out inside. I told her I had to go. She wanted my number and I said no and I left.
I told my wife of 8 years about what happened and it broke her heart. The worst feeling in the world is hurting the one you love the most. There was no excuse for what I did and I am now trying to save my marriage and my family. We have a four year old son too.

What do I want from this? I want my wife to be able to eventually forgive me. She is the love of my life.

What do I want from myself? To be the best man I can be. I have a lot of demons of my own and I get cocky sometimes about where I am in life. This event has changed my life. They way I view my wife,family, and the way I view myself.

If you are reading any of these stories and you have not cheated yet, DON’T do it. It is far reaching. Not only the immediate family but friends, and your spouses work, and your child’s school, and your work. It affects everything in you life and everyone you are in contact with.
written by devasted, 13 January, 2009
I just found out my wife kissed a guy. we have been married 10 years and have 4 kids. This last year has been awful and I treated her poorly being very jealous and controlling. I found an email from this guy to her saying he was going to call her on her birthday but reconsidered, and that he was trying to get to see her at her work but it was hard. He is married as well. After seeing the email I asked her why he was so obligated to her and she said she hugged him. I have been suspicious and accusing of their relationship since its inception. She eventually admitted that it was a kiss. they see each other at meetings. She told me that it would never have happened if our marriage was good. She used him to get compliments and to complain about me and then he went for a kiss. She jumped back at first surprised and said she never cheated and was very nervous. He tried again and she let him. What should I do? tell his wife? get a divorce? forgive and move on? we live in the same town so I will have to see him at things like kids sporting events. they may have to see each other again sometimes at events unless I make her or him quit.
written by aweful wife ):, 25 January, 2009
I have just recently told my husband about a huge mistake I’ve made. About a month & a half ago I kissed a guy, I was horribly drunk [which is not an excuse]. I knew I had to tell him I just couldn’t figure out the way to go about it.. I love him dearly, he’s been the love of my life since I was 16. He’s in the military and currently away. I’ve missed him so much going on 6 months.
When I kissed that guy, I guess I was trying to fill the void. I missed his touch and his hand, his eyes – everything. I was battling my own personal demons [which is not an excuse as well]. The stress of raising a baby on my own while he is gone. Emotionally neglected... and alone. I feel awful about it, I think its possibly the worst feeling in the world betraying the one you vow to spend the rest of your life with. How could I be so destructive?! I hate myself for it everyday. I not only jeopardized our family, but our marriage. And for what? I regret everything about that incident. I feel my husband will never look at me or feel the same about me ever again. & I think that’s what hurts the most. That I lost that. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried over this. Thought about leaving the city I live in because of the way I feel. But I know I could never leave my family or my husband. For the foolish way I acted. & we have a beautiful 7month old daughter together. What was I thinking!? ):
He is my world and I’ve promised to never drink like that ever again. I am deeply committed to my marriage to make it work. I will do anything it takes.
I am truly lucky to have someone like my husband to stand by me, someone with so many insecurities and doubt about them self, and work through this.
It’s gonna take a lot to get back to the way we were. If we can ever. But I’m in it 100%. I look back on that night with so much regret and today I feel like I don’t even know myself.. That was so out of my element. How I’ve said I hate cheaters and look at me, I’m one of them now, it sucks. I’m a hypocrite and a cheater ):
I love my husband, I don’t care about all that crap about if you really love someone you wouldn’t do it, I know I messed up pretty bad. But that doesn’t change the fact that the love I have for him could be destroyed by my own actions. He has a special place in my heart and soul and whatever the outcome of this situation, he will always remain there forever.
I guess my word of advice. If you’re married try to avoid situations like those. I haven’t seen that guy since it happened I hope I never do, I am embarrassed with myself. Don’t get so drunk your good judgment is impaired, & love you’re significant other like there was no tomorrow. I’m trying my hardest to become a better person, woman, mother, wife and most of all to regain the love and trust my husband once had for me. I can no longer hold my head up high because of the ugliness I feel inside. I love you babe.
written by Illinois, 24 March, 2009
My wife started receiving messages from two old boyfriends on facebook. She flirted, wrote about past intimate experiences with them and then bragged to friends about it. I found out. She lied to my face about it over and over, but I had the proof. Now she’s says all the right things, regret, etc, but the fact is, it was a complete betrayal. I will never trust her again. It is impossible. We have two young children that she obviously could not give a crap about destroying their lives in a divorce. I am staying for the kids and hoping to work through this, but she ruined our marriage. I suspect she has done more and will do so again. She denies this passionately, but why would I ever believe her? If she is telling the truth and nothing else happened and she does regret it, well it’s to late because the trust is gone. Mt advice, avoid doing anything that causes this kind of mistrust. The person will never get over it, even if he or she stays with you. They will hate you for it. I know I do.
written by armywife, 23 May, 2009
My husband kissed another women at his birthday party this morning.We have been together for six years and everyone told us we had the perfect marriage.His friends got his smashed and I was up until midnight for his 25th birthday. I went to bed because I am six months pregnant and we have three other children. I woke up at 345 am and my husband and his friends gf are both missing. My neighbor across the street told me that he was kissing our friends gf and they left together walking..I woke up our friend and ask him if he knew where his gf was and we went looking for my husband and his gf..My husband doesn’t remember anything but the girl admitted they kissed a couple of time (peck or passionate IDK) and they went for a walk. His friend called him when he got up and told him what happened.. I have never seen my husband cry since we have been together and he was upset saying i deserve better but I love him he’s my life we have wonderful children together.. So in a way I am in the same boat this soldier is only vise verse, I told him I am hurt and he has to earn my trust back. I just don’t know why he did it, I have always been told alcohol brings the truth out of people..
written by Dead inside, 23 June, 2009
My wife of 1.5 years and girlfriend of 7 told me that she kissed another man at her work. He is 46 and she is 24. She was not drunk, completely sober and made out with him for five minutes. She said she is not attracted to him but he constantly gives her compliments and has told her that he loves her, he is also married. She said she loves me but doesn’t think she is in love with me. She is having doubts because I am the only person she has ever been with. We are best of friends, that have the same goals in life, but our intimacy is lacking. I have completely trusted her throughout our marriage, i was a little more controlling and questioned things more before our marriage.
Its strange because I feel dead inside, I dont have the excitement that I previously had about our relationship that I had just before hearing this news and I don’t have a lot of emotion about this situation except for the initial rush of adrenaline filled anger that swept throughout my body upon first hearing of this make-out session. I feel like i should be crying, because I am not the one that usually bottles up feelings, but i am not crying, and I dont know where to go from here. I think the main reason I do not want to get a divorce is because I think of it as failing and she is my best friend, but when I think as if we were just boyfriend and girlfriend I would break it up immediately and not talk to her for a long time, Any thoughts?
written by me too, 08 July, 2009
I’m also feeling very sad and lost. I’ve been married for over 10 years, we have the best relationship (or I thought). My husband went on a trip got drunk and kissed a complete stranger. He came home upset and crying and thought I would leave him. He said he wasn’t even attracted to her. I’m trying to be okay with this. I cry when he’s not around, I don’t understand. Now all I can do is sit around and feel like I did something wrong, and I feel like I can’t trust him. But I love him so much I don’t know what to do... I can’t imagine life without him. I can’t help but doubt myself and our marriage every time I turn around. I don’t know if he will kiss someone else because I don’t understand why he would do this to me? So lost.
written by Mizzshan, 31 July, 2009
Wow, that to me is amazing. I found this post because I was looking for help in my own marriage. I am 37, been with my husband for 15 years. We have three amazing kids. I keep trying to talk to him and understand why he shuts down, he wont talk for days and he is really mean and angry most of the time. I do love him and dont want to end our marriage. I keep finding texts from a woman to him though. He says he does not know who is sending them. I asked him; if he was cheating to just leave and let me live. As it is, I cant understand it; men find me very attractive, strangers tell me often that they think I am beautiful, I know I am nice, I work, I cook, I do not use credit cards or use money that we dont have. We rent our apartment; I have asked to try and buy a home but he refuses. We share a car, I mean, I dont ask for anything that I know he cannot give Except...I ask for love. Hugs, kisses, to be held and just loved. I’d be so happy if he called me something nice, played around with me and even just a simple good morning would do. I dont drink, smoke or anything. I am so tired of trying to talk about our problems because he just says nothing is wrong and that I am starting trouble. I know if I break under this pressure, I will leave him and maybe that is what he wants. Our kids adore him, we both love them very much, I think they would be crushed if we divorce. Can you offer me any advice?
written by Manvinder S. Bhullar, 03 August, 2009
As a kid, I read an article in the Reader’s Digest about betrayal & cheating in a marriage. The lesson I learned in there has been very useful for me. Basically, if you did something wrong once, have no intention to do it again & are feeling guilty about it, do NOT tell your spouse. Telling them will achieve almost nothing positive, no matter how much you love them or they love you.

Ask yourself what you hope to achieve by confessing your misdeed? Mostly it results in hurting your partner. Think you can rid yourself of your guilt by telling them? Maybe. But what actually happens is you’re transferring your guilt to them because they end up wondering day & night if they are inadequate in any way which resulted in your cheating.

Even if you say sorry over & over and promise it won’t happen again, it leaves lasting scars on your relationship and your partner will always be wondering what you’re up to in the periods of your absence, even if you’re on a trip with the Pope.

So, think before you spill the beans. Do you love your partner and don’t want them to suffer because of you? Then learn to keep a secret.

written by srm, 02 September, 2009
My best friend is also my wifes best friend. They talk all the time and I never had a problem with it. The other night he was over and when people smoke, they go in my back hall. My wife and my friend were in the back hall smoking, I thought. The door was open a little and I could see their reflection in the window. I watch my best friend lean towards my wife and start making out. It took everything I had not to kill him, but my son was in the other room. I confronted my wife afterward. She got very upset and said that was the first time that had happened. They always flirted with each other, but I trusted both of them not to take it any further then that. They both said it didn’t mean anything, and that they don’t know why it happened. I am torn apart about it for I love my wife, and she is my whole world. About 15 years ago, my wife confessed to me that she had slept with him just before we got married. She told me it didn’t mean anything back then, like she is saying that it didn’t mean anything the other night when I saw them with their tongs down each others throats. Any advice how I can forgive and forget what happened. I still can’t forget about them sleeping together 20 years ago.
written by Bradical, 09 September, 2009
I just recently got married to the love of my life. June 27th, 2009 to be exact. We had the most amazing relationship. Just before our marriage and immediately after the honeymoon we have been so busy that we haven’t got a chance to really spend quality time with each other. I left to meet my brother in a bordering state who was coming back to the States from Iraq. My wife couldn’t come with me because of work. A week later, she confesses that on the night I left to meet my brother she went out with some friends from work and ended up kissing one of the guys and even slept in his bed. There were others who stayed at the party as well. She was very very drunk. She said it didn’t go further than that but she wasn’t sure because she was so inebriated. I ended up having a serious anxiety attack after hearing all this. She is deeply sorry and ended up contacting the guy with me listening in. She asked if it went any further than kissing and he said no. She then told him that she told me and she loves me and it was all a big mistake. She did this on her own free will. He got really mad at her for telling me and hung up. She told me she still has feelings for him and she wished they would go away. Ouch. I understand having feelings of infatuation for another is natural no matter how much your in love, but acting on those feelings is wrong on so many levels. I’m scared for my health and hers so I made an appointment for us both to go to marital counseling. I hope this helps me get through my anxiety and trust her again. I hope it helps her communicate her feelings to me better. I love her so much and I just want these horrible feelings to go away. She loves me deeply as well. I know this happened because I wasn’t there for her. I don’t want to put all the blame on her. I feel terrible inside and I want to forgive her and go on with our marriage. Does anyone have any success stories after going to marriage counseling?
written by annon, 16 December, 2009
i never thought my wife would do this to me, but she kissed a man at her office chritmas party, i have forgiven her simply because
1 she told me that night
2 i can see she is very upset with her self
3 she was very drunk
but it still does not take away the pain i am feeling, i feel somewhat betrayed, other questions going round my head, what did/didnt i do for this to happen, will our marriage survive this? i dont know i want it too but i will have to wait and see, i dont know if my feelings towards what happened will get better or worse
written by Ammo Can, 07 January, 2010
My wife and I were at a football game and drinking heavy. We ended up meeting a two guys after the game and went into a bar together.

She said she had to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes I noticed one of the guys we were with was gone to. I went to go check on her and found them against the wall. They were kissing. I immediately shouted and he took of right away. I went after him but lost him in the crowd.

She said he waited for her to come out of the bathroom and kissed her and she did not know what to do. I find the whole thing odd. She was gone for quite a while it seemed. Is my timing that good? It was obvious he was kissing her but she sis not move, or push him away, or slap him.

I am really hurt. She still contends she did not do anything and it was all him. What do you guys think?
written by ..............................................., 01 February, 2010
the other night my fiance’s best friend, his g/f (one of my best friends) and i went out drinking. I was so smashed i didnt even know what bar we were at until someone told me the next day. He and i went to warm the car up while she paid her tab and somehow or another ended up kissing. She came out and saw us. i have no memory of this. well he called my fiance who is working out of town and told him what happened right after. well me and his g/f didnt know he did that so we get a call from my fiance and we both say nothing happened it was all a big misunderstanding. (i would have never told him b/c it meant nothing and would never happen again)so he caught me lying to him about it on top of all of this. His friend says he initiated it thats why he told him. im so scared that he will never love me the way he did. I was his good girl, who would never do anything like that.i took him back years ago after he had been cheating on me and now i feel like he should cut me a little slack. but if the roles were reversed i would probably lose my sh&*. i feel so hopeless. he is my life and i can’t live without him.
written by LaylaLove25, 27 February, 2010
I am wrecked with guilt. I am married a 29 year old. Been married a little over year. I went out two nights ago with some classmates and the teacher after a final in one of my classes. The professor was there and got wrecked. Seriously we were all wasted. He’s very attractive and laid back but an insane drunk. Inappropriate drunk. He told me I did not do so well on the final. I got worried because I can get kicked out of my school program for getting bad grades. He proceeded to tell me if I make out with him I can get an A. He moved in close and I closed my eyes and did it. Seriously 3 seconds later I pulled away and freaked. I feel gross and dirty and horrible. The two classmates there I don’t know well and I can’t help thinking they think I am a dirty slut, I have to see them in school for the next 2 years.

I did get an A but think I don’t deserve it. Now I have the professor again next semester which starts in a week. Ugh I don’t think I should tell my husband because he will get so angry and probably beat the shit out of my teacher. If anything he would call the school and get him kicked out but probably me too!

Feels good to get the story out of my head. I love my husband and since this I have felt more love for him than before. But now what? I am so nervous to go back to class and see Dr. Pervert.
written by J.S., 28 February, 2010
I agree with the post about not telling. If your spouse would never find out that you did something ONCE and you know you will never do it again, do not tell. It will only hurt him/her. The guilt that you are living with is eating you up and it is one of the worst things to live with. Why make him or her live with that guilt too? It just does not make sense. It suck living with the guilt. But that guilt does serve a purpose. It prevents you form making the same mistake twice!
written by never drinking again, 29 March, 2010
I was out with my bf the other night, his best friends wedding, and we were all having a good time. After the wedding we all went to the bar. later on when we left my bf tells me that I kissed his friend on the lips, the one that got married, and I couldn’t believe it. I have never done this before and was pretty drunk, not that that is an excuse. I remember everything about the night even leaving and giving his friend a peck on the cheek but do not remember kissing him on the lips, my bf is still with me but I have lost a lot of his trust and am beating myself up for it happening even worse is that I don’t remember doing it. I was in complete shock when he told me the next day. I couldn’t believe that I put my future with him in jeopardy for a vodka and cranberry. Never drinking again.
written by P.O., 03 May, 2010
My wife and I went to a bar with some friends. During the night we all got wasted. My wife was feeling me up, and then my friend ( or at least that’s what I thought) leaned over and kissed my wife right in front of me. Not once but three times. My wife didn’t even push him away. The night was over for me, I was pissed. So I went to wait in the vehicle. My wife came to, but fail asleep quick. She claims she didn’t remember, but that is too convenient for me. Frankly I don’t want to even see her at this point. Am I wrong or is she? We were all drinking, which is no excuse.
written by deeply hurt & lost, 07 September, 2010
I’m no married person. I have a beautiful girlfriend who i love a lot and we have 10 months together. She went on this trip with some friends and I couldn’t go so she repeatedly assure me she wasn’t capable of doing anything. I believed her and thought i had nothing to worry. The next day a friend of mine sends me a text saying he saw her kissing this boy. Days before this, she told me she found this guy cute and nice looking (in a kinda joke way) I felt terrible, I remember telling her right before it happened to have trust in me and to tell me if anything happened. I told her i wouldn’t get mad if she trusted me enough, but she didnt. My ex, did the same thing, made out with a friend and then hid it from me and told everyone to say it never happened. She always told me she was completely different, that she would never even think of doing something like that, and she does the same thing, she hid the whole thing from me, even told me that how could it be that i believed the rest before her. She eventually told me the truth. She never drinks so she was more than conscious. She told me the guy was really drunk and he tried to kiss her a couple of times while dancing but she ran her face away, but she kept dancing with him, and then he went for it and ended kissing her and she says she backed out right away. Idk what to trust anymore. I dont know whats the truth or if its all made up. If she lied to me in my face, I don’t know if it was only a kiss, I wonder what her true feelings for this guy is. Knowing that she finds him cute, that she didnt drink, and that she could have easily denied the kiss and gone, i feel like she has no excuse. I read all of the comments and most of them are for women who just dont care about their couples or that are too drunk to know what is happening.. This is eating me alive, because I don’t know is shes trust-able, and if everything she told me is true. Please someone give an advice.. I truly love her but this image of what could have really happened is killing me. Is it bad that i feel like she might do it again, and that i feel bad to look at her or kiss her? I just want to know someone else opinion on this plz..
written by honest jonie, 23 October, 2010
addressing the original poster
your wife has needs you are not around to look after you are busy being noble serving your country.
really the choice is yours, be at home to be her man when she is horny and vulnerable and needs her man, or some other citizen will do your duty while youre doing your duty ... if you see what I mean
sure there will be guilt and upset and she will say she is sorry and mean it too .... but you can see the writing on the wall and prevent it if you are serious about keeping your relationship drama free
its all your call
written by jobi-wan, 08 November, 2010
You all have my deepest sympathies, it must be awful to find out your spouse has cheated on you. My fiance went to a Halloween party and spent the entire evening with an old friend, he got really drunk and ended up kissing her. He stopped the kiss from turning into something else, or so he says, and felt so guilty he told me the next day, in tears. The next week photos of them all over each other appeared on facebook. So he blocked me from seeing his photos. He says he is sorry, and it won’t happen again, but I am now wondering if I should go ahead with the wedding, I don’t trust him any more. Also, he hadn’t told the friend he kissed about his engagement to me, even though they spent hours together. I really don’t know what to do. I want to forgive him, but just feel hurt and confused.
written by Mr upset, 13 January, 2011
My wife has just told me she has kissed a man from work. she works night which she was finding hard. she and the man went in a room together to kiss. my problem is why? this did not just happen or she was drunk they planed it. she said it was only a snog and thats all. but who plans this just for a snog She has said she is sorry and will never do it again. the problem is i feel like shit she new what she was doing but went ahead anyway. this is day two and i dont know what to do? I do love her and want to say but can i ever forgive what they did. I could possible understand if they where drunk and it just happened and also was it just a kiss? any help plz
written by JoeDontchaKnow, 19 January, 2011
These are all disappointments due to expectations of monogamy...I would think as a species with a huge frontal cortex we could move past all these false ideals but clearly we’re too fucking stupid to "get it" ... and by "it" I mean "life".
written by Nearlydeadlyforme, 24 January, 2011
I got in a similar situation – we had a party in mid november, I don’t drink until the kids go to bed and then decided to catch up with the others for once by drinking champagne. Overshot things. I started dancing, and flirting with a guy who’d shown that he was attracted to me at the previous party, dancing, getting further away from the others. Suddenly found me dizzily looking into his eyes, then he was kissing me and I was kissing him back. We separated, both a little confused, then walked back to the bonfire. I continued to get sillier, then he said it was time to find my husband and for me to go to bed. And as he walked me to the house he whispered in my ear that if we didn’t find him, he was going to make out with me. Every nerve in my body lit up like it hadn’t since I started dating my husband. Of course, we found him (fell asleep next to my daughter while calming her – she has night terrors) and hubby put me to bed. For the next two weeks I became more and more obsessive over it, more and more grouchy and disturbed, frantic, anxious as I didn’t say anything and tried to ignore it. Finally hubby said he had seen the whole thing, why he went to the house, and forgave everything. Only slightly relieving for a few hours, then shame and obsession and identity got worse and worse until early december when I no longer felt like I knew who I was and felt like I couldn’t live with him or my girls (I’m a stay-at-home mom) and yet didn’t feel like I had skills or resources to live alone. Between depression, anxiety, and panic, I lost all hope, sent my daughter to her grandparents house and asked them to pick up my kindergartener, then downed two bottles of wine and about 70 valium. Before I fell asleep, I must have had a couple second thoughts because I sent a couple texts to the guy who kissed me. It took him a couple hours to locate my husband, but he made it home in time to call an ambulance. I spent two days in ICU and another week in a psych hospital. Even with good insurance, we have about $3K in bills over this, and I’m still far from better. I have far more bad days than good. Husband has been incredibly supportive, doesn’t care about the bills at all, says he’s just glad he still has me, but there are a lot of days that I wish he hadn’t found me in time. Hiding it made it worse, but I don’t know that anything would have made it better. We’d been married 18 years, and in one weak moment, somehow I threw it away. How can that ever be forgivable?
written by colorado, 21 February, 2011
I just had the same thing happen to me. Last night my wife went out to a fish fry and a guy that she works with was there.
written by jaded10, 17 March, 2011
Have you thought about face you wife is telling only telling you about the KISS and not the other contact that happened. I found out the hard way, 1st it was just a kiss, then 2 kisses, then touching, then she only licked the sides of his penis, then she only.... well you get the point. RUN away from her!~!
written by still killing me, 01 April, 2011
Years ago, my wife and friend really went at it at a Valentine dance, hot kissing, bodies molded together. Before dance ended, she ran to him for one final dance as he was waiting for her, I know it was set up earlier. At first she called it "the kiss", now years later she says he tried but she did not kiss him, pushed him away. I know more went on, and do forgive her, but I want the whole truth. We had a good sex life and can’t figure why she would cheat, driven me completely nuts for years.
written by gutted, 11 April, 2011
My wife of 7 years (been together 19) has told me she has kissed the same guy twice the last 2 times she has been out. Thats as far as it went. She was sobbing when she told me, she told me she loves me but the drink (and drugs) made it seem exciting, like a giddy teenager. I thought our sex life was great, she agrees, just wanted a bit of excitement. I wish she’d never told me and cannot get it out of my head
written by shawn5090, 23 April, 2011
My wife kissed another guy on sat the 16th. She had been trying to get me interested in an open marriage. This is not a joke. Apparently its a real thing. She says she loves me and wants to be with me still. But she wants to have random sex with others cause she cant just have sex with me. Theres too much feelings. I told her hell no then figured out that she must have done something. Then I asked her and she said she had kissed a mutual friend and would have liked to have had sex with him if we were in an open marriage. I blew up and kicked her out. She took my daughter with. She is back at the house now and has told me that she realizes that we will never have an open marriage and that she would rather be a little unhappy missing random sex then to be without me for the rest of her life. She said that if she can’t stop these feelings she will just pack up and leave but try not to hurt me. What I’m trying to figure out is why am I (after one week) fine and back to normal. Now, I get very upset with the fact that I cant go over to this guys house and kill him but I have forgiven her and want to just move on with our lives. Is this normal or what do you guys think?
written by shawn5090, 23 April, 2011
My wife kissed another guy on sat the 16th. She had been trying to get me interested in an open marriage. This is not a joke. Apparently its a real thing. She says she loves me and wants to be with me still. But she wants to have random sex with others cause she cant just have sex with me. Theres too much feelings. I told her hell no then figured out that she must have done something. Then I asked her and she said she had kissed a mutual friend and would have liked to have had sex with him if we were in an open marriage. I blew up and kicked her out. She took my daughter with. She is back at the house now and has told me that she realizes that we will never have an open marriage and that she would rather be a little unhappy missing random sex then to be without me for the rest of her life. She said that if she can’t stop these feelings she will just pack up and leave but try not to hurt me. What I’m trying to figure out is why am I (after one week) fine and back to normal. Now, I get very upset with the fact that I cant go over to this guys house and kill him but I have forgiven her and want to just move on with our lives. Is this normal or what do you guys think?
written by Jo_c, 16 June, 2011
I kissed another man and don’t know why. He was my old friend, we was at a party. Then he Facebook inboxed me. Long story short my husband of 2 years found out. We have a 6 month old baby. what the hell was I playing at. Ruined it all for nothing. I was sober, our marriage is happy. But then I kissed a man.
How do I stop him from leaving me. All I did in the Facebook inbox was say sorry for kissing him. He replied saying it’s our little secret. Haven’t seen or spoke to since.
Me and hubby fighting now of course. I’m such a idiot. grrrhhh
Can i fix this?
written by oregon, 28 June, 2011
I lost the love of my life over a stupid drunken kiss, yet he never knew. I sabotaged my own marriage by my own guilt. We are divorced and now 20 years later he is still the love of my life and I live with the mistake everyday. I am happy he found someone better, still wish it was me.
written by HurtButOkNow, 30 June, 2011
In my case, the other man was my own brother (who is married too). The first time it happened was after a family tussle. He came over, she cried, he kissed, she responded, and felt very guilty and confessed. I just left it at that because I love my brother and my wife very much. Unfortunately, this happened twice more in the next few days and that hurt me terribly. She really cried hard after we made love one night and apologized emotionally. I don’t think they have done it ever again. But the fact that both took my magnanimity for granted and indulged in it twice more just made me see the reality of human relationships.

I have two kids and I still love my wife and my brother. They have hurt me beyond description, yes. But time is the healer and our affection for our beloved ones does take the driver’s seat rather than the bitter experiences.

This is the family that God gave us. So let us learn to live with it, do some introspection to see if we’ve neglected them for long just because of our false sense of security, and carry on. Breaking up or taking any destructive action is never a remedy.

I just treat it as water under the bridge. Our children deserve the best. And their mother is important for them. So, we should do our best to hold the family together. Living in a kind of attached detachment makes us do our duties better without attachment to results. It also takes us closer to the really Dependable One. By forgiving our beloved, we make this world a better place. How many times have we rubbed shoulders with coworkers whom we know to be up to no good? If we can adjust with them to keep the outside life smooth, it is imperative that we forgive the mistakes/sins of our family and continue to love them.

With silent tears I send my hugs and best wishes to all those who are in this situation. Believe me, it all heals with time. It increases your self-esteem rather than decrease it. It bonds the family better, as we learn to accept them fully knowing their flaws. After all, we love them.
written by Spacey, 01 August, 2011

Well, so Saturday night, I went out with a friend, and danced my night away, and drank my night away.. I am married with 2 children I am 38. Mostly my marriage is Happy and healthy. That night after the music/band we were leaving and these kids (24) needed a ride home, their mom was with them, so we gave them a lift to their house.. they asked if we wanted to come in and hang, so we were like sure!!(don’t get out too much) were all hanging out.. And this young kid started to cry, i set a chord with him in our conversation I suppose as i am very receptive on peoples emotions.. I tried to console him, like a momma would.. and I was hugging him like hon its gonna be alright.. and he was like where are you from.. who are you ... I was like Hi., my name is #$%^& and nice to meet ya.. (after like 3 hours of hanging out with everyone.. no flirting no nothing.. ) and he was like what are you.. and kissed me!! I was like.........ahhhhhhhhhh.. i’m married.. i have kids.. and he kissed me again. and i kissed him back.. i’m 38 he was 24 and such a little cutie!!!it was like instant belly butterflies.. and attraction.. totally crazy.. nothing I ever ever expected me to do.. I got home.. and was a total horn dog.. one thing that was totally lacking in my life.. my husband and I had ... let me just say that sparked something in me and actually brought spice in my life... I was still buzzed all the next day I think.. so monday comes around.. and I’m like I have to tell my Husband what happened.. I do not keep secrets from him.. ever! we have such an open honest relationship.. and I actually feel so much better now that I told him.. He laughed at me... he said it was no big deal..I was trying to help the kid and we got carried away and we were both hammered.. My husband is awesome! Don’t think I would react the same way.. I am definitely glad I kissed the kid, and I’m glad I told my Husband.. I feel like it helped me get over some insecurities I had with myself.. and for a HOT super cute 24 year old to find me attractive just boosted my ego.. which was well needed! LOVE YOU HUBBY! Thanks for supporting me..
written by Jon the panda, 11 August, 2011
I don’t have the answers to "how to get back with my wife" or "how to trust my wife again" or "how to stop her from kissing another man" but I will say this...if you tell your wife (of course, look at her in the eyes when you say this), "__her name here___, I love you and I will always be there for you. I support you in everything you do. As long as you are happy, then I am happy." I told this girl (who is already married to another man) that quote and we made out after 27 days. (could have been sooner if we met more often). There is something about insecurity, lack of confidence and low self-esteem in men that drive women away in a jiffy. If you’re doing everything you could, and she still goes out with another man, then she is definitely not the one for you.
written by Berulakide, 25 August, 2011
Hello. I have been with my fiancé nine years. We have two children one is six and the other is five. Two and a half years ago my wife started talking to my adopted uncle online. He started some perversion. She never told me. They continued to talk daily and he was always at her to do things. They started video calls on msn and were touching themselves. Then he even came to my house a few times when I wasn’t home. It took me a long time to find anything out. I found out one night I was online getting ready to order the last piece of wedding clothing. My tuxedo... And found out that night. It took two months to get out that they were videoing not just talking, then I find out he stopped and she rapped him and rubbed for a minute. He did the same to her. They both say nothing else happened and she made him leave. It took six months to get that out of her after I found out about video. Anything I found out I had to go through months of heartbreaking questions and driving her crazy. I have a awful feeling still that it went a lot further than that. It went on for over a year before I found out and took a year to find out everything.g I know now. My question is did she really not do anything else or should I believe her? I am still heartbroken and will be for a long time and am incapable of trusting her with even simple things like going to get groceries, awful I know but I feel so betrayed because I was positive she would never cheat on me. Someone please some advice... Help!!!!
written by MezMooCow, 03 September, 2011
My boyfriend and I have been together for going on two years, and I have had a few jealousy issues, ie I didn’t like him wanting to spend a lot of time with his friends without me being there, but I knew this was irrational because in my heart I thought he would never cheat on me so this always comforted me and calmed my jealousy.
However last week he went to a party (that he didn’t tell me he was going to), got really drunk, and just before he left he ended up kissing this girl. The next time I saw him he sat me down practically straight away and told me. He said it didn’t mean anything, and it only lasted a couple of seconds, and that he only realised what was happening after it already had.
At first I was speechless and fuming with rage at this girl because she was the one who initiated the kiss, but now I’ve calmed down, I mainly feel embarrassed that a) my boyfriend is a cheat and b) I still want to be with him despite that. I also feel hugely disappointed in him, and insecure. He feels incredibly guilty about the whole thing and I know he wants me to stop bringing it up because he feels awful, but I feel like I’ve not quite forgiven him so I have to bring it up otherwise I don’t get an apology and just generally don’t feel like he is willing to fight for us... does that make sense? This has made me really insecure, so I would love it if he spent the next few weeks loading me with compliments, treating me, perhaps sending me flowers so I know he’s really sorry. Because at the moment I’m not sure he’s as willing to try and make this work as I am, which is pretty backwards really considering he cheated on me. How do I get him to realise what I need to feel secure and like I can trust him again? I would feel selfish asking him to give me compliments, treats etc.. :-/
written by ..., 05 September, 2011
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years now, and about 10 months ago one of his friends and I kissed. My bf and I were going some rough times and I confided in his friend to help me get through it and ended up forming some irrational feelings for him because he was there for me in time of need. It didn’t go any further than that and it only happened once. (We were also high at the time it happened) After it happened I felt guilty but at the same time my bf and I were not getting along. I had ever intention of breaking up with him because it was that bad, and then something in him switched when we almost broke up. He changed completely and is an amazing bf now. I don’t want to tell him because it would ruin everything that we have gained in the last 1o months. Sometimes there are contributing factors to why people kiss someone else. It makes you realize that you are only human and everyone makes mistakes. It showed me that bf is never going to be perfect and neither am I. It taught me a lesson that I still think about. However, the hard part is that we are still friends to this day with the person that he is friends with that I kissed. It makes it difficult to get over it because we both agreed that it would be a bad idea to tell him especially since when it happened it was in a moment of crisis and emotional breakdowns.
written by Lucky You, 07 September, 2011
You truly have and honest and open relationship that will keep you both strong. My fiancee (potentially ex-fiancee) had a 6 month affair with a married guy while deployed. I found out about it 8 months after she returned when I stumbled across some poems she wrote about him and found pictures of them together.
Hopefully you can take comfort in knowing your wife loves you enough to tell you anything and everything.
P.S. If you know of any soldiers having affairs during deployment, PLEASE – for the sake of their families back here, make it clear to them that you and other know and it is wrong.
written by amn, 09 September, 2011
Ignorance is not bliss! My husband and former best friend kissed at a friend’s wedding in June of 2010. I found out myself in July 2011. He said he regretted it immediately and hates himself for it, and didn’t want to scar the relationship so he didn’t say anything. Being that it was just a kiss (or so I have been told), I feel like I would have gotten over it easier had I known right away. But knowing that they both lied to me for over a year sickens me! I even had suspicions 3 months prior to finding out and they both told me I was crazy. Now I have kicked her out of my life, and am focusing very hard on gaining trust back with my husband.

To the original post, I wish I had been told right away. Gaining trust back is even harder when you add a year of lies to the cheating.
written by Arsxo, 18 September, 2011
I got too drunk last night and made out with my Gf in front of my husband and his coworker/friends. I woke up this morning not even aware of what had happened (blacked out) and my husband had told me what I did. He is very upset with me and I’m completely disgusted with how drunk and stupid I was. I love him very much, he’s my world. How in the world do I fix this?? Help!
written by crystal123578910111213115, 02 October, 2011
just forget about the bad stuff and think of the good stuff forget about the kiss and just live your life happily together
written by Wallace, 31 October, 2011
I’ve been married 36 years. When I married my wife I felt we had the most trusting relationship and infidelity would never be an issue. After being married about 5 years I was ask to transfer to another city and it required me to go out 6 months in advance before she could join me. We did our best to communicate, saw each other 3 times over the 6 months. Then once she moved to be with me and we had been together awhile, she said she’d had a little thing with an older man in her office, but let me think is was induced by alcohol at her going away party and what was a kiss, became some petting that didn’t last long. I forgave and we moved on. Then over the years she’s bring its up from time to time and tells me a little more about it and I could see it might have been more, however wanting to hold onto what we had always having had a GREAT physical life and trust, I just kept it in. Jump ahead 30 years and we are in counseling to save our marriage. She had began an activity helping 2 of our children, yet it took way to much time and it seemed myself and other son were becoming separated from them. During the counseling session she said being involved with this activity fulfilled her and it was like another man in her life. Needless to say my mind went right back to 30 years earlier and began to ask questions. Finally, she broke and admitted it was much more than a kiss and not only that it had not happen at the party, but 3 weeks after we flew back for her Grandfather’s funeral. I had to return to my job and she wanted to stay and help her father and mother and join me later. One day she decided to call the guy and meet up with him. While there was no intercourse according to her, sexual acts were performed. She said she never totally got out of all her clothes and left her underwear on, while he was out of his. She said she felt bad, got up quick and dressed and left. I literally lost my mind and after 1.5 years am only now coming out of it. I say this to all, the act of the kiss to the CHEATER will seem to be the most innocent act and the one you’d accept over anything else. I’d venture to guess much more happened in many of your situations. It is vital, after anything like this happens to get it all out right after its happen while it will be easier to deal with and its fresh on their minds. Don’t waste 30 years of your spouse feeling a deep guilt and letting that turn into anger toward you, who is the victim.
written by Wallace, 31 October, 2011
I’ve been married 36 years. When I married my wife I felt we had the most trusting relationship and infidelity would never be an issue. After being married about 5 years I was ask to transfer to another city and it required me to go out 6 months in advance before she could join me. We did our best to communicate, saw each other 3 times over the 6 months. Then once she moved to be with me and we had been together awhile, she said she’d had a little thing with an older man in her office, but let me think is was induced by alcohol at her going away party and what was a kiss, became some petting that didn’t last long. I forgave and we moved on. Then over the years she’s bring its up from time to time and tells me a little more about it and I could see it might have been more, however wanting to hold onto what we had always having had a GREAT physical life and trust, I just kept it in. Jump ahead 30 years and we are in counseling to save our marriage. She had began an activity helping 2 of our children, yet it took way to much time and it seemed myself and other son were becoming separated from them. During the counseling session she said being involved with this activity fulfilled her and it was like another man in her life. Needless to say my mind went right back to 30 years earlier and began to ask questions. Finally, she broke and admitted it was much more than a kiss and not only that it had not happen at the party, but 3 weeks after we flew back for her Grandfather’s funeral. I had to return to my job and she wanted to stay and help her father and mother and join me later. One day she decided to call the guy and meet up with him. While there was no intercourse according to her, sexual acts were performed. She said she never totally got out of all her clothes and left her underwear on, while he was out of his. She said she felt bad, got up quick and dressed and left. I literally lost my mind and after 1.5 years am only now coming out of it. I say this to all, the act of the kiss to the CHEATER will seem to be the most innocent act and the one you’d accept over anything else. I’d venture to guess much more happened in many of your situations. It is vital, after anything like this happens to get it all out right after its happen while it will be easier to deal with and its fresh on their minds. Don’t waste 30 years of your spouse feeling a deep guilt and letting that turn into anger toward you, who is the victim.
written by Y.o., 01 November, 2011
I met a girl when I was 15 online. We lived hundreds of miles apart so meeting wasn’t an option. I knew how i felt about her and apparently she did too. We carried on speaking regularly for 4 years and we met this summer. She was way more than I expected her to be and in the 3 days I spent with her she quickly became everything to me. I’d waited 4 years for those 3 days and they were absolutely perfect, I wouldn’t change a single second that we spent.

She seemed just as into me as I was to her, and leaving each other was the most gut-wrenching experience i’ve had. It hurt so much to leave the one I had waited 4 years for after just 3 days.

2 months have passed and everything was going perfectly and we were going to meet up in a few months time for more than 3 days. Last week she text me saying she had kissed someone else. As i read that my heart sank to my stomach. I felt sick and I still do. I feel lost, betrayed, confused and I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. She since changed the story to ‘he kissed me and I didn’t stop him’ to ‘he kissed me, but it was just a peck’. I don’t know what to believe. First she said she was drinking, which she said ‘isn’t an excuse’ (which it isn’t). However other parts of her story just sound impossible to do when drunk. Like sitting there, wondering what to do before walking 2 blocks and finding her way home before texting the guy telling him how she ‘doesn’t want that’. I just feel if she was actually drunk she wouldn’t have had the awareness to process what just went on and/or how to get home so easily.

The thing i find hard to understand is why would this guy, who apparently knew about me and had asked her out before, kiss her and then stop kissing her when she didn’t stop him? Surely he would have carried on kissing? I’ve asked her so many times why it happened etc and all she says is ‘I don’t know’. She say’s she not attracted to him etc, but I don’t see how it can happen after such a perfect time we spent together this summer.

I told her I don’t trust her and she said she wants to fight for me, to regain my trust, but so far she’s not done anything different. When she says goodnight it’s short and lacks any really meaning. She hasn’t once complimented me since it happened, when before the kissing incident she would compliment me frequently. Last night i messaged her saying I wasn’t feeling that great and I was going to bed early, I asked her to text me once she finished her class so we could speak before I went to bed. The reply I got said ‘I’m going to dinner now and then i’m going home to shower. My throat got a lot better’. No asking how i’m doing or asking what’s wrong and she blows me off because she wants to go to dinner and shower, when we used to text while she ate etc. Due to the timezone difference I’m 5 hours ahead of her, so i’m asleep by 7pm her time usually. She used to send me a message to wake up to, which always made me smile upon waking. Now she doesn’t. It’s like I was the one who kissed another girl. It feels like i’m the one in the wrong.

The worst bit about it is that she cheated on her last boyfriend too. She told him they should take a break as she couldn’t be bothered to end it properly, and while they took time apart, she was busy having sex with another guy. Since the kissing incident I got in contact with her ex boyfriend who doesn’t know about her cheating on him while they were still dating. He seemed a great guy, yet he described her as cold, untruthful and full of empty words... and he doesn’t even know she was having sex with another guy behind his back.

I feel so lost. This girl means so much to me but in the last week or so since i found out she cheated on me, she just disappoints me. It’s like turning over a beautiful rock to find a rotting corpse underneath it. It was a beautiful relationship until she kissed that other guy. Now it’s feels destroyed.
written by upset wife, 02 November, 2011
My husband and I have been only married 3 months. We’ve had a son and been together almost 3 years. Last weekend I went to a friend’s wedding about 3 hours from home. I begged my husband to come, there were going to be a lot of people I don’t care for there, and most get really drunk. I had a time share with two of my friends and there was a groomsman I knew from high school who was dropping the catering off with us since we had a fridge... he didn’t come until 1 AM. We were already a bit drunk and being silly girls.

When he got there I was catching up with him, told him I was wonderfully and happily married, and showed him photos of my son. We had 2 drinks and the other two girls wanted to go to bed and I told them I would get him to leave. Well, I had no idea that he had no hotel planned, and that he’d try to weasel his way to stay with us! Apparently all my friends knew that when he drinks he WONT leave. I didn’t try to spare his feelings, I told him to leave and that we weren’t comfortable with him being there and he needed to kick rocks, he kept making excuses and I kept drinking and was severely uncomfortable. my two friends were sleeping in the other room while my bed was the couch bed and I was having to try all I could to get him out. He kept giving me unwanted compliments, telling me how lucky my husband is... and he had the audacity to say "if anything ever happens with you two, I’d be glad to be with you!" I was repulsed! I was disgusted. Then he cornered me as I opened the front door and asked me if he could kiss me and I told him no and to leave and my friend woke up and heard me telling him to leave and shut the "effing" door.

I cried until 6 AM. I wanted to go home. All I wanted was my husband. Well now that I’m home, I’ve told him everything. I told him a lighter version while I was away, I left out how long it took for me to get him to leave, and that he had literally cornered me to kiss me because I knew he’d be so upset. Well, he found the details out before I could explain because a girlfriend asked about the wedding and I texted her what happened. Now he’s mad at me and thinks I’m lying. I’m telling him everything! I now flash back to that night, I shouldn’t have drank and I should have slapped that guy. He’s skeezy. I’m so mad at myself. I don’t know how to get my husband to believe that this guy was WEIRD and would NOT leave. I tried everything. but now I just feel terrible that I didn’t do more. I’m really upset and today my husband text me that he’s still really mad and doesn’t know what to do.
written by Wallace, 03 November, 2011
Dear Upset Wife,
If all you have said is true, you cannot blame yourself. Also, if you have friends that witness the events, you’re in even better shape. Maybe your husband is a little upset now that he did not go? You know us guys, at times it takes our egos a little longer to admit we might not have made the best decision. After what I went through, I glad for you, you forced away he advances to you. I can’t see you being able to do anything much more than what you did than maybe calling the security of the hotel or even the police if needed. I know that would have been hard to do, however, its evident this guy needed a message sent to him and deep down this is something he’d do again. If he is married, you might even call or communicate with his wife or GF, one thing is for sure, if you do, he will leave you alone and who knows, if the hubby see’s you have went to the much trouble, it might soften him. Just a thought? W.
written by MrMoon, 08 November, 2011
myself dealing with the same problem..i liked a girl and she doesn’t. then another girl came into my life. i avoided her first later i went as friendship and finally she fell in love with me for no reason. i don’t know what to do and accepted readily for her understanding nature. all went smooth but another guy came into our life. she started to chat then text, call and finally started to spend time with him more than me. she felt more possessive,caring,pleasing and physically fit with him. but she will lie be he’s a friend whenever i day i saw her mails and came to knew they having kisses,cuddles and sexual chats..i punished her a lot physically she promised no emotional attachments with hi m but she can’t cut him.He’s texting/calling daily even though she cuts. am proud to have such a love but our relationship was ruined. i can’t feel her love. she was upset many times and not telling me anything. she misses him a lot but burying everything for me.i can’t recover completely by her shes telling happy with me but its not whole. something is missing. i wish to give her that, i pray god to make her hate and go with and live happily..
written by husband, 10 November, 2011
i see the problems are huge.i am really sorry for you wife kissed a few boys but before our marriage.she says she was 16-20 years old and she met with a few boys in the club/pub and she kissed.she says she never touch any man or she never let anyone to touch her.just kissed and never see them again.because of she didnt let them to touch her they didnt talk to her or behaved like they dont know her.after our marriage she told me about this and i felt like she cheated on me.after a few years of our marriage she said my friend was flirting with her and she felt she is attractive and she thought that he liked her and it was nice feeling for her but she was thinking he is bad person,jealous of our marriage and this is wrong what he is doing.when i heard i told her “did you like him” she said no but i couldnt believe.because of she said that “i was afraid that i can like him because when i was single when somebody flirt with me i like it.but i dont need anybody because i love you and i never made mistake to you”.i dont know guys why i am so jealous?why i cant trust her? i love her and also we are married 4 years have a child.i feel so bad. even i am thinking divorse.please tell me am i wrong. i know past is past but i cant stop thinking that somebody was kissing my wife. i know she was honest to me even said about past thanks for your comments
written by ema11, 11 November, 2011
She told you about it because she is ashamed about what happened and wants to straighten things up. And has trust... imagine if you were never told, no matter of the consequences. She needed to confess it to you, it means she has a conscience
written by husband, 11 November, 2011
sorry for important thing that when she kissed a few boys we didnt know each other. she was teenager and single. just what i meant that i cant accept her past relations. that is the problems. sorry for missing details. cheers
written by wife, 13 November, 2011
I have the best husband ever. A year ago i was away on business and got really drunk at a party. A guy there was coming on to me all night and i should have left but i was an idiot and stayed until the end. he kept trying to kiss me and i kept saying "im married" until eventually he kissed me full on the lips and to be honest i did not pull away straight away.

for 9 months after i didnt think about this night, and the worst thing is i had no guilt at all. then, suddenly, about 3 months ago, the guilt has been killing me. i’ve been physically sick, crying at work, feeling so awful, and what makes it worse is that my husband has been really sweet recently (we normally have a quite horrible marriage)

eventually i told him on thursday night. initially he laughed, thinking i was joking. then he was suspicious – he accused me of sleeping with him and many others – which i swear i have never done. then, he didn’t talk to me for three days. now its sunday and he is beginning to come round.

i told him over and over that im so sorry and i cant live with the guilt. people had told me not to tell him because it is selfish to transfer my pain on to him, but i think telling him was the best decision. i lied to him for a year and that is hard, but we will work to get through it.

today he is talking to me again. its not like it was before yet but i will work my hardest to ensure i can fix my marriage and that it will never happen again

to anyone whose wife/husband cheated on them with a drunken kiss. when they say they are sorry and cry a lot i think they mean it. those who are real cheaters will justify their acts and try and hide things.

i love my husband, and i wont give up on our marriage.
i hope y’all dont either
written by statisticsdontlie, 08 December, 2011
it seems like it’s mostly the women who cheat. whaddaya know...
written by papabear, 11 December, 2011
im currently in the military and away from my wife and have been for only 2 months but i can’t help but wonder if she’s cheating on me. while we were dating she has flirted with multiple people thru text messages and fb behind my back many times, even met people behind my back at bars. i found out about it all by sneaking and checking her phone and fb. she denied it all many times before but when i showed her the proof she admitted to it and said it was nothing but flirting for attention. i forgave her and she gave me her fb password to check anytime. and i also told her while im away if she needs it, find a female(she’s bisexual) for a one night stand and tell me about it and im fine with it but i cant help but think with us being thousands of miles away.. is she still not talking to anyone or maybe worst even though we’re far apart? i can’t see her text messages, there are millions of ways to communicate besides fb, i just really dont know what she’s doing at all times of the day and it worries me because of what happened before and how much she denied it, she’s currently pregnant and could never get enough since she became pregnant.. can i really trust that she’s not doing anything? because when i bring it up she say’s she doesnt want anybody else, that she’s being faithful and misses me. should i trust that she’s telling the truth?
written by Husband, 01 January, 2012
I’m currently, working overseas and have been for the last two years providing for my four kids and wife. Two of the four kids are step from my wife’s first marriage. She got pregnant when she was fourteen had her first who is now thirteen and had her second one two years later while her and her first husband were going through a divorce. I met her when the second one was six months old while I was in the Air Force stationed in Oklahoma. We dated for a year before we got married. She was and is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She was the perfect wife, beautiful, sweet, great cook, hard worker, and I thought loyal and honest. After, a few years in Oklahoma I got stationed in Colorado where we spent eight years and had two boys together life was going pretty good. I got deployed a few times but she was always there for me and supportive. So, after ten years of service I got the opportunity to go work in Iraq for the BIG money, we both agree to the decision and we both knew that the opportunity would give us finical freedom freeing us with the finical stress. So I went to work in Iraq as a Defense Contractor and my wife moved back to Oklahoma near her family. The first year we paid all of debt off and we Skyped and emailed daily. I was able to come home twice for three weeks each time. Each time it was so hard to leave but we wanted to buy a house and have it paid off so we agree for another year. Well everything was going good so I thought. Six months before my second and final year, everything changed. She used to keep her Skype on all of the time, she stopped it. She wouldn’t let me talk to my son alone on Skype; I never could get a hold of her on her phone. She was being real distant. I asked her time and time again what was going on she told me I was being paranoid and nothing was going on she didn’t want to have a leash anymore. Then, one morning Skype was on, my five year old son was playing a game on the computer and he answer the Skype call. I talked to him about the game and out of the blue he tells me Chris is living here and he kisses mommy. My heart started racing, I had no idea who this Chris guy was and why he was living in my house. So I call my wife’s phone and asked her and she told me he was lying and I was an insecure psycho and she wasn’t in love with me anymore. I knew my son wasn’t lying so I logged into her FB account and messaged a few of her friends acting as her and I found out he was living there and that they planned on getting a place together and that they were in love with each other. So I confronted my wife again and again she denies it. Yet, now she doesn’t wear her ring now and is so hard to get a hold of and when I did get a hold of her all she would do is try to get off the phone. Two month of her denying it and one month before me coming home, she finally told me Chris had been living there and she had been sleeping with him every day for the last four or five months and he was her first kiss when she was a kid and she was in love with him but wanted to still be best friends with me. All I did was cry, I begged her to stop the relationship, I begged her to let me come home and let us work on it she reused. It is a pretty simple story boy meets girl, boy marries girl, girl leaves boy for another boy. Well here is the more complex issue. Three weeks after her telling me and totally destroying me. She emailed me asking me to call her please. So I did right away, she was on the other end of the phone crying I asked her what was wrong she said Chris was shot last night by the Oklahoma highway patrol he was driving drunk and went on a high speed chase and stopped his truck to let out one of his friends and then put the truck in verse and there was a cop behind him that shot him five times and he died on scene. I honestly felt bad for her and his family. So now she wants to be with me and tell me how much she loves me. Yet, not before posting on her FB how she lost her soul mate, and how he and her kids were her life and didn’t know how she was going to make it. I’m so confused, she tells me she loves me and she is sorry and will never betray my trust again. She answers her phone now, keeps her
Skype really shows me that she cares about me. Gives me attention and make me feel so loved. I have never stopped loving her but I don’t know if I can trust her and ever get over the insecurity of being betrayed and lied to. Is it possible for her to really change or is it just a matter of time she leaves again?

written by navyguy93, 03 January, 2012
To husband...GET OUT!! She is only keeping you around as her security blanket. She does not love you and worse yet, she doesn’t respect you! Anyone that does what she did, does not love the person they are married to. Get a clue, get a backbone and get an attorney!! If the guy wasn’t dead, you’d be kicked to the curb. If you wait around, she will find another’ soulmate’ and you’ll be kicked to the curb. Do yourself a favor and get her out of your life. Find someone else that will treat you the way you deserve. Your cheating wife doesn’t love you anymore and is just a coward. How do I know? Been married for 18 years, 4 kids, military, and my wife found her soulmate while I was overseas. Found out about 5 other soulmates she had in the past and she was all too glad to tell me once she found the latest guy! All the while telling me how much she loved me, etc etc. This last affair, the guy fell for her too and is also married. She left our kids and me when I got back from overseas and started living with the POS. Since then she came back home twice, not because she felt like she had made a mistake, but because the guy turned out to be a bigger cheater than her, she was broke and had nowhere els to go!! I took her back(foolish) and really tried but finally had enough after it was obvious she hadn’t changed. I should have done that to start with! Waiting prolonged my healing and hurt my children even that much more. Do yourself a favor, get her out of your house and your life. That is the only chance that you have! It will help you get on with your life faster and being away from her may show her that you have a backbone, are a strong guy that she really does love. If she sees that and tries to make it work with you again, then do so if you like, but on your terms. I can’t say it enough...that’s the only chance you have at happiness!
written by Michael T., 11 January, 2012
It doesn’t matter if they were drunk they still did it... We all can tell good to bad even in intoxication.
Because there is some one you love dearly and to kiss or have sex with someone else but her/him. You can feel the guilt... If your spouse did anything like this
Don’t trust them ever
If you’re their true love then they wouldn’t have done It
That’s what makes me mad...I don’t care if you were drunk or if you told me
You hurt me
And doing it unconsciously(drunk) makes it worse
I am a 15 year old male about to marry in three years to the love of my life
We live across the nation seeing each other on special events
I trust her but yes I do worry if might cheat me... If she ever does I can never trust her again
written by Ravi, 12 January, 2012
Want an indian perspective? I usually ask myself one question would I be happy having this person around me or would i be better off without her in my life.
written by It’s all fun and games..., 19 January, 2012
I have only been married for 2 months.

My best friend is also my husband’s best friend. He is funny, smart, creative, loving... I adore him. I don’t want to adore him. It is now to the point where I feel uncomfortable hanging out with him because I don’t want to do something I will regret. Every time we touch I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I know it’s normal to be attracted to someone else, but I’m afraid. Can’t tell hubby, he’s in the army and away; he’d be devastated. The thought of ending the friendship has crossed my mind, but I’ve lost a lot of friends lately. I can’t lose him too. I know he’s in love with me, but he respects my husband (and me) too much to ever make a move. I feel like he’s my worst habit. An obsession. And that even feeling this way, even the "harmless" flirting, is a betrayal.

I really do love my husband, I think I’m just lonely. Just needed to get this off my chest.
written by Rebeca – Siren, 21 January, 2012
If this is something that is going to continue, meaning it wasn’t a mistake you made that you don’t intend to make again, then you should anticipate it coming out in the open at some point and inevitably causing some problems in your marriage.

written by Lazarus, 05 February, 2012
I really wish i could address each and everyone’s problem here personally, but this broad message will have to do sadly. In the end the wound will remain and it’ll probably not be the same as it once was... That’s for sure. The damage has been done and the scar shall remain. But the main idea here is that are you willing to bear that scar with your fiance/boyfriend/ girlfriend? Is that scar worth the relationship? Think about it deeply, and if yes then by all means stay together and work together and be happy with your relationship even if the scar stays. Being with someone you love is better than cutting them off entirely cause of a single mistake. But if you don’t believe the relationship is worth the scar, then I am afraid the only solution really is to leave. Therefore you’ll be happy starting anew, and he or she will regret what they’ve lost.
written by Dr. Will Hung, 15 February, 2012
I am married and have 7 beautiful kids. I adore my wife, but as a chiropractor, I constantly get to rub up beautiful women. Often, we end up making out or more. I get head all the time and sometimes it progresses to intercourse. It’s hard when the women come back for repeat visits and their insurance is paying me to get head. I can’t tell my wife because it puts clothes on her back and food on the table for my kids. I feel really shitty but also enjoy the sexual contact. Sex in my wife’s vagina is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway after all those kids, so sex isn’t quite what it used to be, despite my size. My assistant says I am sick, but she takes pictures with her iPhone and has intimated if I ever thought of firing her, she’d send the pics to my wife or her Dad. BTW, my wife’s Dad is the chief of police in our town. Best advice, keep your pecker in your pants, and remember it all usually starts with just a kiss. I can’t tell you how bad I feel on Sundays when I have to sit with all the husbands and boyfriends of the clients I have banged. It really makes me feel like I am not as good a citizen as I want to be.
written by bassman7, 29 February, 2012
How very sad that society has forced us into the mindset that monogamy is the only way to live? What if we adopt a culture of mild promiscuity? All the above CRAP would not have to be written, and families would NOT be senselessly devastated like they are now, because of perhaps one or two nights of passion.
written by MS, 29 February, 2012
8 years ago I was in town visiting family. My DH didn’t fly in with me. An ex bf called my families business phone, and I took the phone call. I had no feelings for him any longer and felt no danger in the two of us meeting up to say hello. He had clearly been drinking, when I showed up, but I never had a drink of anything. We reminisced about high school and I showed off my wedding ring. He told me he didn’t want to see that and grabbed my hand. He clearly still had feelings for me, and I knew it was time to leave. That’s when things turned badly: When I tried to leave, he said "kiss me!" I looked at him with disgust and said no, then went out the door. He followed and grabbed my wrist. I became afraid that he was going to hurt me, and pulled away, but he only squeezed my arm harder and demanded I "do it". I pursed my lips, said "no!" and turned for the car, of which he wouldn’t let me open the door. I was very afraid. "give me a real kiss and then you can leave." I just wanted to go home, so I leaned in, then backed away. I pursed my lips and he pressed his lips against mine. It only lasted for a second, and I pulled away with disgust. he released my arm and I jumped in the car as fast as I could. he said "you just cheated on your DH!" I do NOT consider this cheating, but to this day, I have never told my husband. Who would believe that someone would Force someone to kiss them? It happened to me, & although what the ex BF did was assault, I just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I only feel guilty for thinking that our interaction could happen at an adult level, as friends. And some would say, why didn’t I fight back? I was only 22 at the time, and had been physically & mentally abused, growing up. His demeanor was terrifying, & I was pressured, threatened, intimidated and coerced into kissing him. I had no desire to kiss him, and it happened against my will. A part of me didn’t want to tell my husband because I didn’t want my DH to get in trouble for kicking the ex bf’s ass. Why do I feel so guilty? I went over with the intention to meet as friends. I was forced to do something against my will. I think my husband would understand. But how do I say "oh by the way, 8 years ago, this happened." The hindsight guilt is killing me! I do worry that the ex bf might someday tell my DH.. I want my DH to know from me, not from the ex BF. But how do I bring up something like this?
written by Time2say, 07 March, 2012
My husband took me to his ex partner’s birthday party. To my knowledge, they only had affair for one year something 20 years ago, but has always been in contact. At the end of the party, he went to her, held her face in his hands, kissed her on her lips and then we left. I did not even realize what he was doing as i never imagine he would do this in front of me. I still remember the look in her eyes after he kissed her, looked quite unnatural. I felt very upset coming out of the party and did not talk with him. He asked me what’s the matter as if he did not do anything inappropriate. When i asked why he kissed her on her lips, he suddenly got angry.

My husband is 22 years older than me. I have always had males friends like me. But I trusted my husband, I think i was too naive and only heard talking, did not check doing.

He is in his 60s, I only found out after we got married and lived together. I came from another country, left my family, my good job, great friends behind to trust his words of love. However after I arrived I found he has been in contact with quite a few women with ambiguous friendship. He seems always being physically and emotional inviting to women who attracted him, but claimed it is pure friendship. There are many this type of stories. He called one female friend "my dearly beloved XXXX, you are very special for me...". He went for holiday without telling me the truth that he went with a woman who had been chasing him for relationship....recently, his ex-partner (the one he kissed on birthday party) sent him an email before her wedding, saying "she will always love him to bits..." when i asked him what this meant, he got angry like every other time as if I brushed him black, but he did not do anything wrong, and in bed, he told me: " we have always have affection for each other....".

Put all these many scenarios together, I only feel sick and vomiting, I feel he is a very strong lair. He not only does not apologize, but got angry and being emotionally abusive. I think my whole experience put me to very bad depression. I am feeling very down and exhausted every day.

So those if your husband or wife truly feel sorry for what they did, I think they do feel apologetic and will rectify their behavior. Gave them a chance.

My situation is I want to give the relationship a chance, I want to forgive, but I cannot accept being bloody taken advantage and emotionally abused,so i am trying to put an end to this traumatic relationship.

written by shep, 06 June, 2012
My wife and I have been married for 20yrs. I was not such a good husband for the most part. Never giving compliments, blaming her for everything and not giving her romance as much as I should have. Now that I have finally grown up and realized my faults I broke down and told her how sorry I am for being so distant and cruel. The first time that I have cried in ages. I am so in love with her and feel I need to make it up to her. She said she forgives me and is so glad to finally see this side of me. It has been over 4 months since we had our talk and we are still like newly weds. All is great........except......During our talk she told me that she went to a guys house to show him how to make a turkey for his wife one day. This was like 17yrs ago and she worked at a restaurant with him. She told me he always gave compliments and they flirted quite a bit at work, but never met any other time besides this time. She said she got to his house and they hugged. She said he asked if he could kiss her and she said no. She then showed him how to make the turkey and then left to work. She said at that time she realized that if she wanted to kiss another man that she should divorce me first and she didnt want to leave me. So......I asked her what she wanted out of the visit and she did not know. She said maybe a kiss or something. I have to forgive her and have, but from time to time I really stew on it and wonder if she is telling all that happened. On one hand I see that she told me about it and the other hand I wonder if she is holding back on all the details. She said it was really awkward while showing him how to make the turkey and they agreed to be friends from then on. What do you guys think?
written by ..., 27 August, 2012
My wife kissed a guy within a stone throw of our oldest daughter (she didnt see it). my wife was acting weird (guilt) and i confronted her and she told me. I googled the guy turns out he’s (7 years our senior) been to jail and both his ex wives are in and out of jail. i think what made me the maddest was that she could do this with some POS like this. i have always provided nice things for her im always home i dont drink and our kids love me to death and i them. i could go on and on about this story and side notes its all terrible and it has messed up both sides of our family and friends. she will be my ex wife next month. couldnt be soon enough.
written by down and out uk, 17 September, 2012
married now for 4 years and we were engaged for 4 years before that,i messed up the year before we married and had an intimate moment saying things to a complete stranger online in a online pool room,things were said but nothing done and wouldn’t have either. my wife found out and we were in a bad way but got through and married the next year. 2 years after we were married my wife was doing a uni project with a guy om her course, they were alone and he just leaned in and kissed her, she pulled away and said don’t, that we are happily married and he was wrong to do that.his year we had marital issues and i was suffering from depression and was in counseling and we were on a marriage on track coarse through our local church when the next thing happened, 3 days ago she broke down in tears and told me that when she helped another friend move out 4 months back he was there helping too, and when she went into the kitchen he followed her, she turned around and he kissed her, she didn’t pull away and thy were making out, she told me they stopped after 10 seconds when he tried touching her between the legs through her clothes. she then pushed him away and went back to helping the other person move. i am completely messed up and badly hurt because for the last few years since the 1st thing happened and she told me straight away once home, i have been warning her to avoid him and never be alone with him as she knows what he’s like. now i don’t know what to do, i want to stay married and forgive her but at the same time i want to kill him and drink myself into a coma, we are currently still together but i struggle to look her in the eye, this guy i have hated since the 1st time and she knew it but she still responded to him and she has been very upset and apologetic about it saying it wont ever happen again but i don’t know if it would ever happen again with someone else. please give me some advice.
written by Anyadvice*, 28 October, 2012
My life seems completely wrecked. My wife and I went to a party at a friends house last night and she kissed a person that we both know. She says she pushed away as soon as it happened and feels awful. She has been crying all day and I think she is being sincere. I have always thought we had a very special relationship but now I don’t think I can trust her. Its not even the kiss as much as the feeling of being betrayed buy the one person you have complete trust in. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose my decade long relationship but I don’t see how it will ever be the same.
written by balddawg2, 19 January, 2013
An old flame of my wife kissed her the other nite in front of HIS wife.... my wife said "well he did it in front of HIS wife so there is nothing to it"...i had walked out of the room...this is the oldest trick in the book...HE wanted to keep HIS wife in a comfort wife is so damn naive...
written by Alexandrade1, 05 March, 2013
Me and my wife have been together for 1.5 years and she has been talking to dudes behind my back for and by talking I mean flirting about 5 different dudes at separate times. I caught her doing that every time by reading her Facebook account but the most reason one she said they kissed and I don’t know what kind of kiss I have no idea how to handle the situation I am 20 and she is 18 also we have a 8 month old and another in the way help

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