Past Comments – My boyfriend read my text messages and broke up with me

Comments (8)

written by Daniel J., 27 November, 2011
I am the boyfriend and would like to add some things.
1- there were almost 14 guys she was texting, all in a sexual nature. In fact she was very involved with seducing a lot of the men.
2- I am very open and honest and she could have spoken to me about any of this at any time.
3- she admitted that she was physical with 2 of the guys
4-Some of her text buddies did not even know about me. In fact, the day before she came to visit she had a 3 page conversation with a guy and told him she was visiting the West Coast for pleasure and to visit friends. Total lie.

We had spoken very openly and honestly up to the point of discovering all the messages and one of the issues we discussed was sexting and cheating. We both agreed it was deceitful and we would not put up with it in a relationship. It would be a reason to break up, and that is what I did. Without trust in a relationship there is nothing to build on..
written by texting, 21 January, 2012
I don’t understand what kind of world you people make this. In your entire life, even with a perfect partner, if you look through that person’s texts, emails, diaries, you will find something that will upset you. Those conversations were not meant for you to read them and was just for a temporary phase she was going through. She will get over that insecurity and stop talking to guys about retarded stuff, but boyfriend, you will always have problems spying on people’s phones. I think she should be glad you broke up with her, for something that YOU, boyfriend, did wrong, almost illegal, and destroying her privacy and feel to have the right to have her own life and say whatever she wants to anyone as long as she doesn’t do anything, and is a temporary thing. It is a basic human right to have a privacy. You say she was physical with some of them. She said she didn’t sleep with them now, and didn’t she mean she used to date them? If she did slept with them, then so what? Why are you trying to find out? Let everyone has their own beliefs and how they want to live their lives. Life is long, people make mistakes, no one can be perfect about every aspect of their life all the time. You need to give her a break and let her make her own mistakes, and let her decide her life on her own, in her own privacy. Just because you are dating someone, does not mean that person is your property and violate her. What she did was within her right. What you did was out of your line and you have no right to spy.
written by Dino Sauve, 28 January, 2012
Daniel J.
I would like to begin by saying “congratulations!” You have just saved yourself from years of heartbreak, stress and strain (and the health risks associated with it) and yes, legal fees associated with a disreputable person and their irresponsible behavior. Your ex-girlfriend’s conniving behavior would have come to the surface in the future, but it is better you found out now, before you invested too much of your life and love into such a sow. Those things a person does in private will ALWAYS come into public view. The question is not "if", rather "when". For those not wise enough to heed this sage advice explain to me Anthony Weiner, Barney Frank, Mel Reynolds, Gary Condit, Arlan Stangeland, Daniel Inouye, Bob Packwood, Ken Calvert, and Chuck Robb. There are two common threads each one of these men shared. They were all involved in sexual matters that they did not wish for the public to know and they were all certain that their “dirty little secrets” wouldn’t be found out. Look at the humiliation, pain and misery these “clown shoes” inflicted on their families and friends.
I found the response written by texting, dated 21 January, 2012, disingenuous at best and dangerously short sighted and foolish at the least. Judging from the writing I believe texting has been involved in something similar (a deceptive act victimizing a spouse, a family member or a lover). I quote to you some of testing’s weak reasoning:
“Those conversations were not meant for you to read them and was just for a temporary phase she was going through.”

“Those conversations were not meant for you to read...” If you read exactly what texting wrote, she (I believe texting to be a woman from the style of her writing and her emotional arguments) is saying the rights of the dishonest trumps the rights of the innocent to protect themselves. Bernie Madoff’s attorney would look like a legal genius if he had used such an agreement to get the text messages, letters and correspondence used to convict his client thrown out of court. I can see it now:

Madoff’s attorney: “Your honor all of the government’s evidence against Mister Madoff must be thrown out and stricken from the record because those conversations were not meant for you to read!”

Judge: “Sustained! What legal reasoning! What judicial acumen! Why the rest of the legal establishment weren’t intelligent enough to see the clear reasoning of this argument dumbfounds me!”

The use of the phrase “temporary phase” is nothing more than a shallow attempt to get you to reconsider your decision, usually after you have already made the correct interpretation of the situation and taken the necessary steps to protect yourself. Liars, thieves, cheaters, drug and alcohol abusers (a.k.a. the terminally dishonest) always use this as an excuse for their selfish behavior. It’s nothing more than another attempt to get their way at your expense.

“You need to give her a break and let her make her own mistakes, and let her decide her life on her own, in her own privacy.”

On this point I couldn’t agree with texting more. This is the only intelligent thing she said in her whole commentary. From reading your response I believe you have taken this advise to heart. You have “given her a break”, you broke this relationship off. You are letting her “make her own mistakes”, she’s making those mistakes on her own, with no investment (emotional or financial) on your part. You are “let(ting) her decide her life on her own, in her own privacy”. That’s the beauty of breaking off that relationship, there’s no need for her to hide those things she was doing, dishonestly, behind your back. With no one in her life to damage emotionally, physiologically or financially she can indulge in her fantasies to her whim “in her own privacy”. That’s the beauty of breaking up, she can do what she wants, when she wants, how she wants, just this time it will be alone!

written by Jack5000, 29 January, 2012
Go Dino!! Could you explain that to my ex girlfriend with the same articulation and sarcastic overtone? I’d love it!

My ex is an emotionally manipulative narcissistic woman. We both had the same type of phone and one day not too long ago we got them mixed up. I ended up snooping through her text messages finding all kinds of crazy lies about herself and about our relationship, and even lies about the kind of person I was. She had lied about having a job, lied about what she was doing with her time, she would tell people I was a selfish and controlling. The truth was I was the only one working, I was supporting her, I was emotionally supportive, and SHE was the controlling ME. She even went the other direction and told people she was with me because she was just using me. I confronted her about my "suspicion" regarding her true intentions with me. She became angry at me and accused me of not trusting her and some other nonsense. I eventually told her I saw all those messages. She denied them and even showed me her phone after she deleted them.

She had moved into my apartment after we were together for 6 months. I found all this out 9 months later- right around Christmas. I told her she needed to get out of my apartment. I told her she had no respect for me and I wasn’t going to be in a relationship with a person like her and I deserve better. She refused to leave. She went on about how I couldn’t legally make her leave even if her name isn’t on the rental agreement. Unfortunately this is true where I live. She has been stalking me for the past week that I know of. I’ve since got a new place to stay and I’m in the process of finding attorney. She has been stalking me for the past week that I know of.

Am I wrong for snooping through her texts?
written by mikenumber3, 11 May, 2012
What she did is called cheating in every sense and context. I am assuming you already had a feeling she was not being true or you would not have looked at her phone. It is better to have confirmation than to live with a cheating s@#$ that will always lie to you. You are better off. Um, the stocking part I can’t really understand. If she was after all these other guys and you broke it off with her, she should just stand on the corner and make money for her efforts.
written by quna, 19 June, 2012
No meaning, killing time, txt buddies think of one thing only?! You girl, child, don’t deserve any of them, you deserve to die alone.
written by lola34, 13 November, 2012
i was dating my boyfriend for a couple of months he cheated on me on several occasions of course he denied it every time. at some point it felt like we were no longer in a relationship so i did my own thing. one of his friends (girl) started flirting with e and giving me the attention he didn’t at some point things escalated and we hooked up. she later felt guilty and told him he said he didn’t care so that was that 7 months later he and i began talking again and feelings started to come up again so we decided to get together again. 9 months later on my birthday we went out drinking i left my phone in his car and he went thru it saw msgs i was sending an ex of mine things not so innocent and he almost broke up with me,i never slept with the guy i was talking to we were just texting. its been almost a year since it happened and he brings it up recently he told he he still thinks about it everyday. he has always been insecure way before the texting happened n i hadn’t given him a reason to feel this way. now idk if we should end the relationship or keep trying to fix things
written by heartbroken_vn_cn, 14 November, 2012
I dated this guy for about a year and two months, we live in different states, we know each other since we were little kids. I visit him twice a month; he comes once in a while. We talked every day. I gave him everything I could offer him. One day we were at my mom’s house I asked him for his phone and he gave it to me, I told him I was going to look though it and he said ok. so I was just looking thought mine picture file on his phone ( he has an IPHONE 5- I love the way it takes pictures) then he wanted it back like five minutes later and I said wait I’m not done with it, he got upset and for the first time I actually look though his text messages just because he was making a big deal and found a text from his sister best friend ( which he knew I didn’t feel comfortable with their friendship)the message said " Are you gonna get birthday sex!!!" which got me upset ( why the F*** does she care)then he said he will leave if I won’t give him his phone back, I said bye ... I don’t care. He left and came back to say bye to my mom. Then I fallow him to his car and told him to take his phone back, I told him to open it and read it... he said “isn’t that cool?" i told him yeah sure... then i said bye. He fallows me. I told him to read me the whole message (I sent the message to my phone) so he read the message then I told him it was my turn... I read them to him and asked him if deleted some of the message. He said “yes, I was trying to delete the whole thing"

I went home the next day
A couple of day pass and i try to look pass it but i couldnt, he lost my trust and my respect.

On Sunday, I told him I couldnt trust him and said bye to him.

It has been three days and I think about him everyday,
I love him with all my heart

So Daniel I understand and respect your choice and I hope I could be strong the way you were.

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