My boyfriend read my text messages and broke up with me

Wow, Where do I start? I am not married, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. Eight months into it he moved across country. We decided to remain in a relationship, but during some conversations on the phone, I got mixed messages about where we were headed in our relationship.

I made the mistake of getting back in contact with some old txt buddies that I use to chat with before I met my boyfriend. Naturally they are single minded and only have one thing on their mind.

There was no meaning in any of the msgs. I guess it was a way for me to keep my mind busy and off of what my boyfriend was feeling. It was also a way for me to try and cushion the blow of a broken heart if that was to happen in the future.

After being away from boyfriend for 3 months, I went to visit him. I was ecstatic and very much in love. I made the mistake of not deleting those msgs and he saw them on my phone. They were sexual in nature, but with no intent to go further.

My boyfriend broke up with me he called me a liar a cheater and deceitful. I love him very much and I would never do anything to hurt him again. We are very compatible and have a chemistry together that is out of this world.

I made a huge mistake and would do anything to fix it. He tells me he could never be with me again. What are my chances of salvaging my relationship with him?

Response:

To begin with, it is natural for people to flirt with others.

Some people flirt because it is part of their personality—they are extroverted, outgoing and they like attention.

Some people flirt when they are feeling insecure about their relationship (see anxious attachment). Anxious individuals want some type of reassurance or validation that they might not be getting from their romantic partner.

And some people flirt because they are sexually attracted to another person and want to signal their sexual interest (whether they are aware of their interest or not). People constantly signal their genuine feelings about others (see how do I know when someone is flirting).

So, what can you do at this point?

Not much.

You can express to your ex-boyfriend how sad and upset you are about the situation (see talk about problems). Some people are more willing to forgive while some people would rather just move on (see dismissing attachment).

Other than expressing your feelings, it is important to respect his decision. Relationships are based on mutual respect and if you act in ways that show that you do not respect his feelings, he’s much less likely to change his mind and give you a second chance.

Hope this helps.

 anxious attachment | save relationship | text messages

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