Past Comments – I want to stop lying to my boyfriend

written by Lytebrown1, 23 January, 2007

Thanks for that answer, I needed that. And for whomever submitted that, I am going through the same thing, you are not alone. Hopefully you can save your relationship, mine is past saving.

written by fallgirl, 25 February, 2007

I could have written that. How do I stop lying, and how do I convince him that I’m being honest? I wish I could afford therapy and meds. Can I just will myself better?

written by BeenLiedTo, 28 February, 2007

I am exactly like the guy in this scenario. I was in love with a woman who constantly lied to me. I caught her in several lies and confronted her about them. When I did confront her, it was always a contest of wills between us; she would never just come out and admit that she lied. I had to constantly give her "proof" of her lies until she could no longer deny it. I CAN’T STAND IT!!! She always says she’s "sorry" but in my mind, if you are truly sorry for whatever it is you’re supposed to be sorry for, you will change your behavior (or at least make a serious, convincing effort at changing). At this point, I don’t know if I can ever trust her again. She has broken my heart and it’s all because of her lies. If you are lying to your boy-/girlfriend whom you claim to "love", by all means do whatever it takes to STOP!

written by just ended, 11 March, 2007

I am a liar. I have lied to the man I truly love and want to spend the rest of my life with. He is unforgiving and he can’t forget it. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life. He doesn’t believe anything that I say and that hurts. He became physically ill from worry all the time if I was lying to him or not. It got so bad for him to think that I was actually cheating on him. There is no way that I could have hurt him in that manner. I love him but I lie to avoid his reaction, from something as simple as quiting smoking to what I had done with another man before we got together. He’ll never trust me again and I’ll never be able to get over him. I just don’t see how love ends this badly. When one day everything was wonderful and the next he says "we need to talk, I can’t do this anymore." I don’t even know how it got this bad. He has no compassion or remorse he even said that he’s done the same in past relationships and wanted forgiveness and never got it, could that be he’s punishing me for them. If I could have one thing in the world right now, it would be a fresh start with him and only him.

written by wanting to stop, 25 April, 2007

I am a liar as well. I say stupid things than have to cover it with another lie and then another, I’m tired of it. The worst part is I don’t even know what I’ve lied about...

written by.StupidGirl., 09 May, 2007

I cheated on my girlfriend 4 times two summers ago.
Each time I would lie & deny it, then word would get around and it would come back on me. Still, I lied. Until I cheated on her right in front of her. Without even knowing. It’s taken awhile to convince her that I’m a different person, but she still doesn’t trust me. I’ve matured a lot since then. I really think I’m a totally different person, and it’s been 8 months since I’ve moved back [long story] and we’ve gotten back together. I have a Myspace, and she won’t let me on it and persists that I ‘delete’ it. She’s so controlling. I know I shouldn’t have cheated in the first place, but everyone makes mistakes. I just happen to make five. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Stupid Girl :-

P.S.-Yes, this means I’m gay – get over it.

written by winter, 23 September, 2007

I have a girlfriend, we have been together 4.5 years. Before she met me she was with another guy for 7 years. She told me me she had never unfaithful to him maybe 30 – 40. She said it was because she did not love him but did not have the strength to leave him. We have had a very good relationship, except for 1 important area. I don’t trust her. I am not sure she has been unfaithful to me but she seems to need the approval / validation of men, particularly successful men. We argue about this a lot.

She is a very attractive, Russian girl with many qualities. I am on the verge to quit because of my suspicions that there is something pathological in her behavior that she will not accept.

I have said to her that if she were completely honest about her past and up to the present and I will forgive here.

But in the past in anger, I confronted her about the fact that she had never been faithful in her life – except perhaps before she met me. She says it was because she never loved any previous boyfriends. I think its something deeper then that.

I am confused and tired. Any advice? Thanks.

written by secret admirer, 23 February, 2009

Hi I’m so glad that I came across this today. Ive had really bad issues with my bf and lying to him about stupid dumb things and now he has pulled away from me and as told me that he still angry with all the lies and doesn’t know if he can ever forgive again and that he doesn’t even know if he can get close to me again...this hurts so bad to hear from someone i love so much and would do anything for. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I’m trying to do everything to gain his trust and I don’t know what to do...right now he barely wants to see me..i see him maybe once a week and that hurts...he says its because he put me first for so long and himself last that he needs to do things for himself right now and im basically on hold...he’s so hurt by my stupidity of lying to him....I never meant to hurt him as much as I have. I have never cheated on him or would ever do this....I just want him back he’s the love of my life.

written by heart broken, 25 May, 2009

My boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago due to my lying. I’ve only been with him for 5 months but we’ve known each other from middle school and reunited. i’ve lied about the stupidest things imaginable from who talked to me at work to talking to my ex about getting my name out of his car. if i were just to say, "baby, i want you to know that i have to contact my ex to get the car out of my name but i wanted to tell you first." that would be great! but instead i lied, got caught and continued to deny it! i was with my ex for 7 years and i did the same to avoid confrontation and to avoid triggering his temper. i feel like when i lie i’m protecting myself from being...i don’t know...attacked, bombarded with questions, accused? my ex did all of these things when i was honest...so i figured i might as well lie to just avoid the same thing. i’ve sworn to my current boyfriend that i’ll never do it again..i hate myself for hurting him and i swear on my life that i would never lie again...and of course i did. he’s completely done and i’m heartbroken...but now it’s time to focus on my problem. best of luck to everyone.

written by j dog, 25 May, 2009

i have a girl that has lied to me 5 times over stupid stuff im tired of putting up with here lies what should i do im tired of getting hurt but i love her

written by cdh123456, 01 June, 2009

I am on the receiving end of all the lies. I have caught my boyfriend lying so many times I have lost count. We have been together for 2 years and just bought a housing together about 7 months ago. I regret it now because I know his lies will never stop. He lies about the littlest things and the things that matter most. I am a very understanding and patient person but I hate being lied to. It hurts so much. Most of his lies stem around girls. In the past he has lied about talking to girls so elaborately that he made up back stories for it. Girl names in his phone turn to guy names so he can keep talking to these people. The conversations are so inappropriate that he had to turn them to guy names but when the truth comes out he says it will never happen again. We are on chance 8. I don’t care if he talks to girls or has girl friends but he insists on hiding things and then when I ask, he loses control yelling and screaming that I am a childish person who tries to fight with him. He calls me names and makes me feel guilty for even confronting him about his lies. His lies don’t stop there; he will lie about where he has lunch or where he stops after work. I can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth because everything is a lie to me.

I have tried to leave so many times but I love him more than anything. If he loved me as much as I love him he wouldn’t do this to me. I am sorry but I don’t know how you admitted liars can say you love someone when you can’t even tell the truth about the simplest things.

written by ///, 16 June, 2009

I am a liar too. I meet guys online to talk to when he is not here to gain some self confidence and lie about it when he catches me. I do love him more than anyone can judge, its hard to say how low and crap i feel when he is not around me. These "men" that I meet online mean nothing to me what so over & yet I keep doing it to gain confidence. I dont know what to do anymore! I have booked to see a counselor and also my doctor to see if there is anything mentally wrong with me bar the obvious!

written by RollercoasterLuv, 21 July, 2009

I have lied as well. and it’s sad to say that I lied to someone I truly love. The reason I lied to my BF was because I wasn’t sure if he would react a certain way or I was just afraid of his judgment. He is very forgiving and is willing to work through our relationship as a couple but if he forgives me why does he always assuming all the time?.
We are going on our 9th month of our relationship and I have completely put the lies to the side and called lies a quit! Today he asked me a question and I told the truth and what do I get a slap on the face.! So should I have told the truth or not, I am confused. PLEASE HELP.

written by helpless, 13 August, 2009

I’m a liar as well. I have lied many times to my boyfriend about the smallest things. We’ve been together for a year and 4 months. I decided to put the lying to a stop and change for the better. 2 days ago, I told him the truth about this huge lie I have lied to him about right from the beginning of our relationship. I don’t mean to lie at all. But I just do. I have a too forgiving boyfriend who loves me more than anything but every time he forgives me, I feel worse. I’m sad because I love him so much but I end up hurting him the most.

written by clareamor, 07 October, 2009

My boyfriend lies to me all the time we have been together for three years and have a 16 month old son,I caught him out on a lie Monday and ended it,I can’t trust him and everything that comes out of his vile mouth is lie to me,he’s cheated,he’s hit me,I forgave him and all I asked for was the truth,I understand that sometimes a little white lie won’t hurt anyone,but lies do destroy lives,I hope you all get help,telling the truth isn’t going to kill you,if your lying about stuff that happened In the passed what is the point? Your just end up ruining your future

written by A.., 09 December, 2009

I have been lying the the guy I love for awhile now. Its always over stupid little things too. Like I have a friend, who is kind of a hoochie and he dosen’t like her one bit, so I would lie to him every time I was with her, that or I just wouldn’t tell him at all. All these little lies that I have told have cause nothing but heartache and pain. It got so bad that he actually thinks I have been cheating on him. I would never sink that low. He is the love of my life and I don’t want to go on without him by my side. Things are so bad between me and him right now that we’re not even together anymore. I guess I just always thought he’d come back. Every time I messed up and tried to cover it up with a lie..he always forgave me. I got so used to that I thought he’d never leave me. I was so wrong. Lately all I have been doing is crying and telling him how sorry I am. But, he is right.. "Its not what you say, its what you do." I am going to start doing what I say I’m going to do. I’m going to be the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
I need some advice to stay positive though.
Please, help me out?

written by Lexx., 05 January, 2010

ive been on and off with my boyfriend, for about a year now. im 15 & hes 16. we’ve been through alot lately and all ive been doing is hurting him with the lies that ive been telling him. they are stupid little ones, like he doesnt let me talk to other guys so, i have to lie to him about it.i dont want too but it just happens. every time that he finds out that i have lied, he cries to me, and tells me how much it hurts him, and i promise him that i wont ever do it again, but 15 minutes later im lying again, and i dont even realize it sometimes, i dont want to loose him nd im about to, me and him promised each other forever, and to get married blah blah blah. but the way that things are going it wont last. and all i want to do is to stop the lying , but i just cant. i try so hard. like i deleted all the boys out of my phone, but somehow i just end up lying... hes perfect yahno? i just dont know what to do anymore, should i just break up with him so he could be happy with someone else?

written by..., 14 January, 2010

I have lied in the past. I didn’t lie about anything real important either, but my wife won’t trust me now either. She says she still loves me and wants to stay with me, but every time she is upset or we talk about anything important she reminds me that she can’t trust me. It really hurts, I have completely changed who I was and what I used to do just to keep her, but she can’t trust me and she says she never will, that the pain will never go away. but she doesn’t want to leave me...what should I do...how can I make her see I’m different?

written by Summer Barton, 20 January, 2010

I have been wit my boyfriend for two years! we have a beautiful kid together that is 4 months old well i lied to him about the stupidest and littlest things and i just cant stop for some reason i try so hard to quit but i feel like if i tell him the truth about some of the things i have done he will completely hate me and not want to be with me no more! i have cheated on him and he knows about it and we arent together because of it he says he cant trust me land never will be able to trust me again i wanna gain my relationship with him but i dont know how too i really need advise! i say im sorry to him and he always just says im a sorry person. i tell im i wont lie to him anymore but i have said it so many times he just cant believe me when i say it for the last time and i really mean it what do i do?!!!

written by Jayjayy, 21 January, 2010

The person that wrote this little question essay was seriously reading my mind. I’ve just recently lied to my boyfriend over stupid things. What I’ve found myself lying about is stuff I shouldn’t be doing behind his back. ): I love him SOOOO much and I’ve promised him I wouldn’t do it again. Just today he found out I lied about something and he says he can’t even say he loves me anymore. He can’t trust me at all and he doesn’t know what to do. I know he still loves me, and I know I can’t just easily forget about him. I need to change and I’m willing to do anything in my power to do so. He’s my everything.

written by Just sad, 29 January, 2010

My bf lies to me about small things as well, such as what time he went to sleep, about getting to work on time even though he was late, about how he no longer talks to this girl that’s been flirting with him, even though I caught him talking to her.

The saddest thing is, I don’t mind all these things that he does. I couldn’t care less. Even the talking to the girl part.

But he just chooses to lie to me. Over and over again.
It just shows how utterly selfish he is. He is not protecting me with lies. He’s making himself appear a certain way to me. He’s a fraud.

I really want to leave him, but I can’t find the courage to leave because I’m still in love with him. I also have a very low self esteem because of how he treats me, and now I don’t truly believe I’ll ever find an honest and loyal guy.

written by Gutted!!!, 02 February, 2010

I met my GF five years ago, she started lying to me then and is still doing it now, she cheated on me 3 months into our relationship with her ex, whom she had previously cheated on 3 times, I don’t understand the fact she says she hated sex with him, and claimed she loved me, yet she went and put our relationship in jeopardy by sleeping with him. That was the start of a downhill slide, he claimed he slept with her twice, which of course she completely denied..needless to say I was destroyed, and should have left at that point, but I loved her and she convinced me to give her another chance, and that she deeply regretted what she had done. I think if that had been the end of it and it was just an isolated issue we might have stood a chance of repairing our relationship, but that turned out to be just the beginning, we had massive rows over her contact with her ex after that, and I ended up turning into a jealous control freak, which I hate, even now whenever she is planning to go out my stomach twists into knots and I hate how it makes me feel, we have two beautiful children together now and a relationship that is obliterated through lying and jealousy. She keeps begging me to trust her, and telling me that I should get over what happened, its in the past, but her lying isn’t, we recently went on a holiday, and we got into the swimming pool with the kids, I noticed the lifeguard was eyeing her up, and when I looked at her she was staring back at him, I didn’t say anything initially, but every time I looked at her she was staring at the lifeguard, and she kept moving away from me in the pool, I got really anxious and ended up remarking with some comment about it, guess what, I am a loony and imagined it, which is what she tells me every time something like this happens, which now brings me back to the present, she is going out this saturday with the girls, and tells me I should trust her, we argued last night, and she admitted after again telling me I imagine things that she was staring at the lifeguard, and she doesn’t want to be with me anymore because I am too controlling, she wants her life, doesn’t want a loving relationship and hates me, but this is the effect living with a liar and a cheat, she inflicted this pain and misery on me, and she has no remorse, because it hasn’t stopped her lying, I love her so much, but I know we have no chance of a future together because I accept she will never change, and i am obviously not the right one for her, although to be honest I don’t see how anyone would be, she claimed to love me more than she had ever loved anyone, and this is how she treat me. I just hate the fact that as well as losing the person I thought would be my partner for life and soulmate, my children will have a broken family, so please if you do lie to your partner, consider why, and if they are the right one for you, stop the lying before you cause damage that can’t be repaired, whats the worse that can happen if you are honest and truthful?, I’ll bet its a lot easier to handle than what will happen when they catch you out lying to them, trust me I know...

written by suffering, 16 February, 2010

I lie. I lied to my partner so much I would deny things even when he evidence was staring me in the face. We have been together for 5 years, 6 this year and I am a broken woman. I am at the end of my tether because I cant deal with the fact I have ruined our relationship so much. There is no trust left. I never cheated on him but he thinks I did and thinks I am still hiding things from him I cant go out, talk to my friends or see my family, I feel like I am dying inside. It got so bad that I had a total breakdown and ended up in hospital. I am now getting counseling to find out why I have done what I did, the counselor seems to think I do it as a coping mechanism, my childhood was a tough one so I used to deny the fact and make up my own. Only it spilled not other areas of my life and I dont realize I do it anymore. I have to think before I speak to make sure I dont put myself in a situation where I will need to lie or am lying. My Partner has stuck by me and says he wants me to get better and I am trying so hard. To everyone who has posted comments, things can get worse, try to look at your own life and find out what has happened to you to make you the way you are. I am still with my partner but he does not trust me one bit and is constantly questioning me to see if he can catch me out. It is such a strain on my mental state but I am the one who screwed up and I need to take the consequences.

written by meagn, 21 March, 2010

i lied to my boyfriend over stupid shit i never thought i would hurt him the way i did i feel like shit and i never wanted to do that to some one i love

written by Tired, 23 March, 2010

I also lie, but I am lucky enough to have an understanding boyfriend. I lied about the dumbest of things. they were things I don’t even need to lie about. My problem is that this summer my boyfriend and I had tons of problems with my lying and I swore to him last summer I would never lie again. However now past lies that I forgot about from last summer and before reappeared and he found out. It wasn’t that I was lying again it’s just that things came back from the past. Now we are back to where we were this summer. I told him if he ever had a question to just ask me about it and I would be completely honest with him, and if i think of something I lied about in the past I have to tell him. We are trying that now and I will write back in a month or two to let you know how it worked for us. All I can say is since I have been in that situation I know how you all feel and the best advice I can give you is come clean and try to start over. It is nice to know others have had the same problem though because for months I’ve been thinking it was just me and that I must be incredibly screwed up to do something like this.

written by BSamoa, 05 April, 2010

I’m going through the same situation right now with my boyfriend of 2 years. I used to tell him everything up until about a month ago. He cheated on me and I forgave him for it but he’s become suspicious of ME and everything I do. He says he’s "waiting for the ball to drop...". So I’ve started leaving things out about my day...who I ran into and where I went...anything I feel might bring his insecurities out. The problem is I’m not used to being like this with him and forget I purposely didn’t tell him something. Then when I make a reference to it he latches onto it and all of a sudden it’s EVIDENCE that I lie to him, which I guess it is. Things have been rocky lately and last week it happened again. I haven’t talked to him since. I know WHY I lie, I know WHY he’s being paranoid. I love him more than I’ve ever loved any other man in my life but it’s gotten to the point where I’d tell him I was going to the store to get medicine for my daughter when I want to go running. Ridiculous. I’ve never cheated on him.
Sometimes I think I should just so he’ll get over it instead of WAITING for it. At this point I don’t know if we’re gonna get over it or not. I’ve vowed that if we DO work things out I’m gonna be straight up about everything the way I was in the beginning, and I want him to promise to TRY not to read subliminal messages into everything I say and do... and if he can’t deal with it then at least it’s the REAL me he can’t adjust to...and that means it’s not gonna work out in the long run anyways.
All these stupid little lies I tell...the holding back information...it paints a picture I can’t live up to.
So my advice to anybody who’s going through the same thing...talk to him about it...try to fix it...remember that lying only gets worse over time. It’s the small things today but a year you won’t even recognize yourself.

written by a random person, 19 April, 2010

My girlfriend wont stop lying to me, I forgive her every time and give her a second chance but she still lies. Even over stupid small stuff just cause she’s worried of how I might react. I catch her lying and confront her, and she keeps on lying until she can’t lie anymore. Then she says the truth.
I can’t stand it, I love her and she loves me back, we have been over a year together but I don’t know if I should stay with her cause now, I’m worried 24/7 of what she might be doing, I don’t have any trust for her anymore.. help?

written by blood-sucker, 16 May, 2010

I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I lie to him all the time about the smallest things. I don’t wanna lie to him.....I love him I trust him and I honestly wanna be with him for the rest of my life......Its just that in my past I’ve done things n past relationships that I regret and never expected for those awful things to destroy my wonderful relationship with this amazing man. That is why I never liked telling my bf things about my past relationships because I didn’t wanna ruin what we had. I just wanna stop lying....its easier said than done but I’ll do whatever it takes to be honest and win his trust and respect back because I truly love him.

written by Young and In Love.., 21 May, 2010

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and he constantly lies to me.. even about the little things. We’ve tried breaking up, seeing other people, not talking, talking to someone.. NOTHING works. I hate people who lie to me and I’m at my wits end. I do love him very much and I know he loves me but I wish there was something I or even we could do to make things better and stop the lying. It’s hard not trusting him on the computer or when I’m gone and I want that to change.. Any help??

written by pissed off and fed up, 28 May, 2010

My girl has lied to me every single day... she cries to me just about every night and promises me she won’t ever do it again, just to get caught the very next day... it’s so fucking frustrating, I try to leave her, I really do. But I love her and she loves me back so I keep giving her another chance. I don’t know what else to do. If I leave her then I miss her like crazy but when I stay with her I hurt like crazy because of all the lies. As of recent, I’ve begged her to take me out of her phone and get a new number and just let me be. I really want her to let me go because I can’t seem to let her go. I want my life back, I don’t want to be miserable anymore. But I feel as if the longer I drag this out the worse it’s gonna get... I don’t know, can anyone tell me what to do? Should I just leave and never answer another call/text? Or should I try and change her? I honestly have no idea.... it’s killing me.

written by esmeralda, 05 June, 2010

Please help me!! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years but we are on the brink of breaking up due to my deceit and lying. I have cheated on him twice with the same guy who I had feelings for before our relationship but I have completely gotten over this guy as I love my boyfriend so much and want to spend my life with him. I lie to him about stupid stupid things and hate myself for it and the pain and paranoia I have put him through. I am so truly sorry for my behavior in the past but I want to change and I know I can I think that my boyfriend has had enough of my shit and wants to move on. I know he still loves me but he is fed up with giving me so many chances and now its over. Please help me...what the hell can I do? I love this guy so much, I just want to rewind everything and put things straight. help!

written by gutted, 22 June, 2010

Ah man, I feel the same as everyone else here. But nobody has got the answer!! I lied about things which seems a lot worse to my boyfriend than it actually is. But I understand how it seems really bad. We always end and get back together for the past month since he found out. He thinks I’ve cheated, what makes it worse he never trusts people so I’ve confirmed it for him not to. He’s been so good to me. I was going to change my life for him by moving to the same uni as him. How can I get his trust back? He’s so paranoid!

written by thereallthesame, 08 July, 2010

Well, I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months now and wonder how much longer we will be together. My last relationship was brutal and I was lied to about everything and then ended up catching my ex with another guy and even red handed she lied until he told the truth. I was stupid enough to take her back and she did it again. My current GF hates her because of what she did and the torment and hurt she put me through. Funny part is the I figured out when we first got together that she had lied about how we met and her ex and a few other things like telling me she didn’t sleep with a guy that she had. I was PISSED due to the way I was treated in the past and have trust issues. She promised she would never lie to me again and since then I have found out she has. Yesterday I came across something she was hiding and when i asked her she argued with me and continued to lie. We sat up talking and I found out she even lied about a guy when she said she fooled around with him even though she hadn’t because he passed out I wonder how many other guys she has been with that I don’t know about and if she will cheat and if she has in the past...WTF why would she lie about that and knowing this guy is a family friend I will see him and be hurt knowing they had been together. It just seems like everything is all lies anymore and I don’t know what to do I love her with all my heart but I wonder if that’s enough to get through this and will I ever trust her again? i told her we would work this out but after reading everyone else’s post I wonder if I should waste anymore of my time on someone who doesn’t love or respect me enough to be honest.....what should I do?

written by :(, 27 August, 2010

I have lied and cheated on my boyfriend numerous times and I still want to be with him, I’m not sure why I lie I just do. I guess I thin k I’m never going to get caught but I do. I want to be with him the rest of my life and i know I’m going to have to stop doing these things to him. I know I can stop lying to him and cheating on him. I just know I want to stay with him for forever. Lord please give me the strength.

written by lousie, 27 August, 2010

ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now, and i feel incredibly guilty. i lied to him just as we got together about me kissing his best friend before we got together. i didnt want to tell him, because i didnt know how he would react. since then im not honest with him, in the sense that i dont tell him how im feeling or what i feel towards something. silly stuff like like. he has given me maybe 20 chance already. im making his life miserable and making him constantly depressed. i dont want to do this to him and i dont understand why i would if i loved him as much as i think i do. he’s lost trust in me so much so that he even thinks im cheating on him – i would never do that to him! i try and try to make it work, or at least from my bf point of view i think im trying. he’s told me i have to show him that i can be trusted, but i dont know how? he’s ended the relationship but im really hoping i can change and make it right. please help, i need advise?

written by sheila t, 27 August, 2010

some people shouldnt be forgived

written by Tweety Bird, 29 August, 2010

I am engaged to be married on Thursday. I have been telling my fiancee lies for a while, but it is because his reaction to the truth sometimes is really harsh. He absolutely loves me and I absolutely adore him, I just admit I have a lying problem. I want to marry him and I want to stop lying, but sometimes it seems so hard. I decided that I will tell the truth and if he yells, at least I told the truth. I see myself making little strides but I want him to be able to trust me again. he has since been looking at who I text and seeing who I call or is calling me. I got guy friends so I am about to tell them not to call me anymore because my relationship with my fiancee supersedes my friendship with these men who actually have feelings for me, but I have no feelings for them. I am getting married Thursday and I am willing to do whatever I cannot to lose him. He is such a sweetheart but will leave me in a heartbeat if I continue to hurt him this way. He has been treated unfairly in his past relationships and we have been off and on for 12 years. he is the one I am in love with so I am not here to ask a question, just here to say I am making a conscious decision to do right by my man!!

written by Kylee, 29 November, 2010

I am in the same boat as everyone else. I am a liar. I always have been. Just today my boyfriend saw that I had been texting this guy I went on a date with a while ago. I don’t want to be with this guy, but I texted him because I felt bad for just ignoring him after our date. My boyfriend saw the texts and said he was done with me. I don’t blame him. I have lied to him about so many stupid things, and he has given me any chances. He is an amazing man who deserves so much. He and I have a beautiful daughter together, and I just want us to be a family. But he can’t see that through all of my lies. I want to stop lying. I hate it. He thinks I should just be able to stop, and I think so too, but for some reason, the lies keep coming. Recently I have been telling him nothing but the truth...until today when I texted that guy who means nothing to me. Now I am sitting at home alone while he is out drinking. I have no idea what to do. He is my true love. I have loved him since my freshman year. I don’t know what I will do without him. Especially knowing that I’M the one who caused him to leave. I don’t think he will ever be able to forgive or trust me again. But I am praying to God that he will. And I am praying to God that I will be able to stop with the effing lies. I want me, him, and my daughter to be a family. It kills me to see how much my lies are hurting him. I feel like the worst person on earth. I want to better myself, whether we get back together or not. I NEED to do that for myself.

It has really helped reading everyone else’s stories. It reminds me that I am not alone, and that I really need to get some help.

written by Allison, King and Queen, VA, 11 December, 2010

I was in an abusive relationship for 4 1/2 years and we would break up and I would always go back. During our break ups I would see other people and I would lie saying it was over for good with my ex. It was never over. I always went back. The last time we broke up I started seeing the most amazing man that treated me with all the respect and love in the world. I told him the same things that I was over my ex, we were done, we didn’t talk...it was lies. I still talked to him once in awhile and during a 2 week argument/breakup with the new guy, I even saw my ex a few times. I lied to the new guy when trying to smooth things over. We got back together and then he found out I lied about talking to, seeing, being with my ex. He says he cant trust me, I’m not the person he thought I was, his whole opinion of me has changed. I don’t know why I lied. I felt like if I lied I could leave it in the past and move on with this great guy, without causing him pain/hurt. He’s gone now, has nothing to do with me. My heart is full of regret. My eyes are open. Any kind of friendship/ relationship with the ex abuser is over. He brainwashed me for years making me feel he was the only person who would put up with me, love me. After losing such a good person, the best thing that ever happened to me I know that I cant do this to people anymore. I hurt the person I cared most about and its hard to cope with. I love him and wish he could open his heart to forgive me and possible learn to trust me, start over.

written by hurtin :/, 29 January, 2011

I’m a liar too. I’ve been with my boyfriend off and on for about 2 1/2 years. We’ve had a very bad past due to my lying. I try to stop, I really do. But I can’t. I guess where in my past I had to lie pretty much everyday to be able to do something, I still have a habit of it. I lie about small stuff that is so easy to find out. Like yesterday, I texted an ex to tell him I beat his high score on a game. Well the text messages were still on my phone and the bf saw them. When he asked, I said my friend used my phone to text him. Then finally I told the truth. I don’t mean to lie. He’s upset with me and thinking about calling it quits. Which I don’t blame him. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would leave too. I love him with all my heart and I would be nothing without him. I wanna get help so we can be happy together again. He’s my soul. Please help me!

written by A Disappointment to Him, 10 February, 2011

My boyfriend and I met when we were 14/15. We’re now 18/19 and have been dating for almost 4 years. At the beginning of our relationship, things were perfect and I thought I found the man of my dreams. After a couple of months dating him, I began to lie to him. He caught me right away and we got into a big argument. I told him I was sorry and he was okay with it. Then I started to lie to him about things that weren’t a big deal and meant absolutely nothing. I made up stories just so he would think that I was cool. I don’t know why I would do that. Next thing I found out the password to his email and Facebook and I made it as a routine daily to go on there and see what he has been hiding from me. At this point in the relationship, I was sneaky to go on there everyday. I felt like he never told me anything. He caught me doing that, but I still did it. I would even wake up in the middle of the night and delete people that would add him on his Facebook and emails before he would see them in the morning. For two nights in a row we have been arguing so badly and too much about how he can’t trust me. I want to change for him so badly, but I feel like I need more help. We’re so close to breaking up and I don’t want to lose my best friend. He is the only friend I have. I want to prove to him that I can be the person he is looking for. The girl of his dreams. I don’t want to lie anymore, I want to be truthful with myself and to everyone else.

written by mallory g, 27 February, 2011

I have lied to my boyfriend and I have no idea why he still puts up with me. I was on the right path and messed up this past friday by simply not admitting to the fact that I was drunk. I want to make him happy to be with me, proud of me and proud of dating me. I often feel like I strive for him to be proud of me all the time and sometimes I don’t even have an explanation as to why I lie. I want to make him love me even more. I want him to trust me even more. I need him in my life. He is honestly the love of my life. I need help with this. I feel like I did change and was on the right path but I threw it all away like garbage. I wish that he could see that I changed but I understand that it is merely impossible. He is perfection. I never thought there was a person out there like him. I need to know how to show him that all the chances he has given me are worth it. I need to show him I did change and that last lie was I don’t even know. I wish I could just erase it because I was/still am doing so good. I told him I’d never drink again and I had a beer last night. I don’t have a drinking problem I just go to college and go to parties. I wish he could see that I am a good person and I want him to see I changed. I don’t / can’t lose my best friend. He is everything to me. There is no other person in the entire world that could ever be slightly compared to him. I need him in my life and these lies are disgusting. I just hope he could see that me being under the influence was the cause of me not wanting to admit that I was drunk. I don’t feel that anyone admits to being drunk. But that could just be my opinion as to not seeing anyone do it. This tiny mess up ruined the best restart in our relationship. We started fresh and for the past month or so we have been doing so well and gaining trust. It’s all gone. Like it had never happened. If I could show him that I changed life would be so much more simpler. I understand that I have been saying the same things over and over again but I don’t even know what else to do. I just want him to love me and be happy with me. I want an honest and truthful relationship – hiding nothing. If anyone could help me set goals or something please do so. I need him.... forever.

written by courtney s, 22 April, 2011

Three years ago I found the best mad anyone could ever ask for. He is truly the love of my life. Things started getting hard between us, and I could not take it anymore. I cheated on him. I have messed up a few times, and as I know it is wrong and it hurts me more than anyone here could ever know. I dont know why but lately ive been lying to him. I want to stop because my life without him will be a train wreck. I need him like a needle needs a vein! I know our relationship will get better if I can stop lying about small things. Last night he told me he wasnt gunna call me for a few days, and im devastated. He kept saying he dosent care. I feel so lost and hopeless right now. The easiest way out of all this pain was to beg god to take my life. Im walking around like a zombie; I cant sleep nor do I have the strength to eat. Its sad. I dont know what to do. I just wish things could go back to the way they were.

written by Lulu89, 25 April, 2011

I am a liar as well I have lied to my boyfriends a few times and now he can’t trust me anymore. He wants to break up with me. Even tho what i lied to him were very small but the consequence today is really big. I promised him I wouldn’t lie again, but then I couldn’t keep my promise. Lying is bad. I hate when people lie to me, but I have given myself a right to lie to people especially to the one I love the most in the world. I have tried many ways to apologize and get him back this time, but the situation is helpless. I know I have been a twat during our 2 year relationship and I can never forgive myself for what I have done. I wish he could give me another chance to fix my mistakes. However, I am so scared that I would lie to him again. I really want him back and tell him that I wouldn’t treat him that way anymore. At the moment, I’m sure that I would never want to lie to him anymore because lying has caused me a lot of troubles. However, somehow it’s a part of our personalities. I will try my best once again to win my boyfriend back because he is everything to me. Without him, I’m totally lost.

written by cantStop89, 12 May, 2011

I lie to my boyfriend and to everyone else all the time. I think I do it because I am afraid of what will happen or what people will think if I tell the truth. When I lie I do not often get caught, but when I do get caught it is always because of a big lie. I have noticed that I have been lying more since I have gotten a new, super-stressful job. I hate lying, but I do it so much that most of the time I dont even have to think about it before I start telling one. I really don’t like lying, but I think it has become such a habit that I will never be able to stop. My boyfriend is very forgiving and tries to understand where I am coming from when I do lie, but I know it hurts him. I want to be able to stop before his patience with my runs out, but Im not sure that I will ever be able to stop.

written by fightingforlove, 04 August, 2011

please help me!i love my boyfriend more then anything else. but i have lied to him over and over again.my lies are over stupid little things, i lie because im scared of what he’ll think or his reaction. he has come back to me every time we have broke up. he tells me he is in love with me and wants to be with me. he wants me to promise to him that i wont lie to him again and that i can change. and i do but i keep breaking that promise and it kills me. so now he questions everything i say and it makes me so mad but i understand why he thinks im lying. but for once im telling the truth and he cant believe me. what can i do????please help me. i want to save my relationship

written by choppercutie, 18 August, 2011

I have been with my bf for 7 years.
I do have problems with lying to him over the dumbest things. I have also done things I am not proud of, but never once have I cheated on him.
Unfortunately now he thinks I am cheating on him, it has been this way for about 4 years now, he wont come right out and say it but I can tell by the looks he gives me and his innuendos. The things I have done I have apologized for, I went out with a girlfriend once when she was supposed to meet this guy at at bar, I honestly thought nothing of it, but shit he was pissed when i got home.
Absolutely nothing happened, they decided they did not like each other and my girlfriend and I spent the rest of the night drinking and dancing.
Yea I may have given him reason to think I am cheating on him, but that was never my intention.
So here I am, we have been thru this once and I apologized to him about the things I did.
????????????

written by Fighting4love!!!, 14 October, 2011

I am a liar!!! I lie to my boyfriend/fiancé all the time. I didn’t even know I am doing it most of the time, recently we have been going thru a lot of problem because I had a guy friend that I didn’t tell him about and I would talk to this guy friend about out problems and I offered to cook this friend dinner(which wasn’t like that, we use to work together like 5 years ago and I would tell my co-works that my cooking sucked). He also asked to take me to dinner for my birthday not on my birthday but for my birthday n said yes! I know that I would not have done any of the things I planned I didn’t even know why I planned them. He really was just a friend but my bf thinks that it was more than that! Since he has caught me lying so much, he didn’t trust me and didn’t wanna be with me anyone, he wants to leave and never come back! We have a 4 year old son, and we r suppose to be a family! I fucked up I fucked up bad and I am trying to get help for my problem of lying, and I try to open up with him and tell hi
All of the things that I have lied to him about but he still tells me I am lying and he gets so mad at me! I need him in my life, I need him Here with me, to get this thru, I know that in the end we are meant to be together! I just don’t know how to fix this because he doesn’t want to try, I need help and I am gonna get help because I didn’t want to be this person anyone! I just don’t know how to explain to him that I can change n I will change n that nothing even like this will ever happen again! I didn’t wanna go thru this forever, I want us to be happy together! I want him to trust me again and I want him to love me! He doesn’t take my word and he didn’t believe me which I do understand but I didn’t think giving up on us is the answer!!! Please help and help would be great

written by ms.t, 08 November, 2011

What about telling a guy you love him when you really don’t. Or at least you’re not sure if you do.

written by Lisasmurf, 20 November, 2011

You know what. I have lied to my boyfriend and few time and he found out about everything about it and now who I thought was my best friend is lieing to him trying to make him brake up with me...now I’m tell him the truth about everything and he still won’t believe me trust is a hard thing to get back.

written by ashesofaPenguin, 11 December, 2011

I can’t say that my boyfriend is the first person that I have lied to, but he has been hurt the most by it. After reading countless sites searching for answers, think that this prompt has been one of the most helpful. Just knowing that I am no alone with this problem and wanting to fix it gives me some hope. Junior year of college i returned, lucky enough to have another class with a great guy I met before, but I had a bf back home. We only had limited conversations before so when we started talking I never thought we would be anything more than classmates. Not really having anything to do with (ill call him Val) Val, but the distance relationship stated to breakdown and I told the guy we were on hold until I returned in the summer. I started hanging out with Val just weeks after. During a random talk Val mentioned that he thought distance relationships were crazy. It hurt me but I thought that I was lucky to spend the time with him that I got. I know what I did was wrong but stupidly after the convo I thought there was no harm in letting Val and I play out and when I went back home tell the guy about the relationship maybe or maybe not being back with him. That was until the week after I graduated, Val and I had been dating. With the idea of me leaving I thought a lot about our relationship and how it didn’t want to end, I told him I loved him and to my delight he said it back. I enjoyed every day I spent with Val and didn’t know if we would stay together, but that I couldn’t go back to the relationship with the guy back home. Val really stole my heart and I never want to be without him. Of course Val found out, which broke the trust. Since then even though he is the most understanding person on the planet and continues to forgive me, I still lie about things. Despite what he thinks (which I don’t blame him) I don’t want to ever be with anyone else. I lie about small things now to make my life seem better to impress him, being long distance makes it easier for me. But all these stupid little lies I tell...the holding back information...it makes a person I can’t live up to. I guess I thought he would never leave because he just kept forgiving me. I was wrong; he says that he doesn’t get sad about us anymore, and that I’m the one that made him that way. Which makes me more sad than words. The last 4 weeks and truthfully on and off the last year all I’ve been doing is crying and telling him how sorry I am. But, he is right.. "It’s not what you say anymore because my words are hollow, it’s what I do." I am going to start doing what I say, and say what I’m doing. That way if he decides that he doesn’t like me then it’s the real me at least, but I hope that I’ll be the girl that he wants to spend his life with me just like I do him. If I have to spend the rest of my life proving my love to him I’ll be happy. All I have to do is stop lying, which I know will take time and hard work, but I’m the one that made this mess and I need to accept the consequences.

written by jeremy4444, 04 January, 2012

I’m dealing with a lying girlfriend as I write! We’ve known each other for 10 years.She moved 3000 miles to ca to be with my son and I 2 years ago. We welcomed her into our home and lives with open arms. She had 2 previous dui’s but said she was done with that crap. Since she’s been out here I’ve caught her several times driving my car drunk. I’ve actually walked up behind her as she was taking a shot from a bottle she had hidden in her purse, asked her what was up, and her tell me I didn’t see what I just saw and I’m crazy!!! I wanted to believe sooo bad she was right and I was crazy that I almost believed her! I’ve caught her in my living room with dudes at 3 in the morning. Out talking with dudes in my condo complex at 2 in the morning when she was wasted, then hanging out with them the next day at the pool with my son!!!! She always insists nothing is going on of course. And me being a fool keep hoping that she’s telling me the truth. At some point tho enough is enough. I will never know why people lie like that to people they say they love. I’ve read a lot of excuses on this page and a lot of heart felt resentment for their lying as well. Most her say their sorry and ask what they can do to make things better. There’s probably nothing you can do to win the trust of a hurt loved one back once it’s lost. You deserve the pain and loss you’re feeling and will feel for some time. Your dishonest, selfish mindlessness has ruined a gift from God. The best gift we can receive in this life is a loving, trusting relationship. Taking that for granted opens the doors of karma. I doubt as bad as you feel now, it would even come close to the pain you’ve caused your "LOVED ONE" I wish I could say I feel sorry for you but I don’t! I feel sorry for the ones that trusted you time and time again with their hopes, dreams and hearts and you ruined it being stupid. For no reason at all. If you were in a situation where your relationship was physically abusive and you were trying to keep yourself safe, that’s totally different of course. Most of what I’ve read here is simply selfishness on the part of the liar. There for you get what you deserve.

written by rains21, 09 February, 2012

I lie to my boyfriend of five yrs all the time. I honestly hate him anymore, I’ve been cheating on him with another Guy for about two yrs now. He is the only other person I have ever been with besides my boyfriend. I love this Guy, he is so sweet and good to me... and you ppl think you’re the bad ones. Anyway I’ broke this guys heart, by not leaving my boyfriend. I made him feel unworthy, I made him feel as though he wasn’t worth the value, in return breaking my heart. Which made me cold and evil to my actual boyfriend, and has in return broken his heart as well. I have screwed everyone over. Now I don’t want to be with my boyfriend anymore, I want to be with the other Guy. I’m scared to leave him though because he is all I ever had before. I’m just not sure I could actually leave. Although its already apparent that I should. I’m extremely evil, and I have selfish sinful intensions. I deserve the love of no man. I should be dumped and rejected by the both of them. In fact, by all men alike. I’m up to no good. Just there to Fu** you over. And it sucks to feel so much, but yet to be so worthless and manipulating. And know, you know. Just to realize how much you actually suck at life, and living things. Kinda comical.

written by pathetic, 09 February, 2012

I AM A LIAR! I have been lying to my girlfriend of 10 months now and she is wanting to kill herself because the only person she has left in her life treats her like crap... me. I do not want to lie I am just like everyone else on this thread, afraid of the truth. I want help but do not have the resources to do so. I want to prove to her my love and how I will do anything for her but she does not believe me. I am like so many others on this thread and wish with all my heart I could go back and change everything I have done wrong. I want her to see how I see. The love I have for her and the future I know is there if I stop. I have broken down every last inch of trust with her and beg/plead that there is something I could do to prove this relationship does in fact matter to me. I do care about you, I do love you. I am sorry and will never forgive myself.

written by Anifa Labrosse, 11 February, 2012

I just want to know how to get trust back to the one I love, and how to prove him that I love him.

written by Cassanova, 23 February, 2012

I have the same thing going on with my boyfriend. At first it was lying about whom I slept with in the past before we were together. Afraid of his reaction or judgment. Then I lied about talking to someone else and he found out. Then I lied about my friend saying he was gay and borrowed $320.00 off him and my friend really isn’t gay. And He just found out. I don’t know why I lie about these things. I know he wouldn’t be mad if I could just be honest. I never had a problem about being honest before so I don’t understand why I cant with him. I need help I feel as if I am psychologically broken. I love him he is the father of our child! I just am so scared I am going to lose him. He thinks I have cheated on him. And I really haven’t ever cheated on him! He thinks I want other people but I only want him he cant trust me and I feel soooo Lost! I love him with every last breath I can give. I pray for our relationship to improve. I hope he can learn to forgive me and start trusting me again.
I LOVE YOU GJH! Someday I hope we may be Married!

written by Cassanova, 23 February, 2012

I love my boyfriend very much but I Feel as if I have destroyed our relationship. I never cheated on him. I lied about small things. And it really hurts to see him hurting! I don’t want to lose him I love him very much!

written by Olivia s.a, 14 March, 2012

I can’t stop lieing to him and I hate it time after time I keep hurting him and I can’t stop I don’t know why I just fear his responce I guess. Why do I keep lying to him I love him so much but I keep lieing about the stupidest things. Like having a twitter or something like that. I just want to stop I don’t want to lose him I don’t want to hurt him I don’t want to keep lieing....someone please help me I am crying in the middle of class as I write this,... Someone please just help me I love him....

written by traonna, 31 March, 2012

My boyfriend think I cheating on with his cousin but me I being with for 16 mouth and we still together and we about have son 2 together in next mouth.

written by Scott P, 03 April, 2012

If you are with a spouse or partner that you love and really want to spend the rest of your life with (assuming they are not abusive), then listen to this carefully... no matter what the reason is that you lie, STOP, and just tell the truth. You fear that they will not love you or love you less or be disappointed with you, but that’s simply not true. In fact it’s just the opposite. They will love you far, far more for your honesty. Even if you tell them something that you feel was so horrible that they would never look at you the same way again or something bad that you did or bad that happened to you in your past, they will love you more for sharing your vulnerabilities with them. It shows that you trust them. There may be some temporary hurt feelings, mostly due to the previous dishonesty, but eventually they will love you more than ever. They really will.

I have been in two previous long term relationships, in which both women had problems with compulsive lying. I tried and tried to get them to stop, but they would not. The first relationship ended after 7 years because I couldn’t take it anymore. The second relationship nearly ended, and finally, as if someone waved a magic wand, she came clean. She opened up and told me everything she had ever lied about and hidden from me and swore never to lie again. It was difficult to hear some of the very dark things she had opened up to tell me, but I loved her so much more at that moment then ever before. She said it was the greatest thing she could have ever done. It truly was like everyone told her, feeling a great weight was lifted off her shoulders.

That was nearly 10 years ago, and she has been completely open and honest with me to this day. We couldn’t be happier. If you tell your partner your faults or mistakes, they will forgive you. If your partner finds your faults or mistakes on their own, they will never forgive you. Your spouse / partner wants to help you with your demons or issues, but they CANNOT if you hide them or lie about them.

With honesty comes trust, which is the glue that holds your relationship together. If you don’t have honesty, then your relationship will surely fail. If you have complete honesty with each other, rest assure, your relationship will most likely succeed.

written by Ivory, 12 May, 2012

I have lied to my bf about being on the phone wen he calls wen i know he has proof of letting me know that he knows i was on the phone wen he called me and now its to the point that i don’t trust anything i say even wen i’m telling the truth someone plz help me keep da man i love so much

written by Cecilia, 21 May, 2012

I have lied to my boyfriend. We have been together for about 7 months now, and I have lied to him from the start. It was all stupid stuff about my past. He’s kind of insecure and jealous, so when he would ask a question, he would ask it, but then say "if its this or that then I don’t want to know" well I knew I very well couldn’t say "then you don’t want to know" so I lied. He thinks I lied to make myself sounds better than I am, because maybe I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. But there would be no reason for me to think that, so he knew and I knew I was good enough for him, but lying now is ruining that. Alot of it, but not all, came out about 2 months ago. Some more came out this past week. And I have not lied to him since the beginning, but there was a lot of little stupid things, so I don’t know if there’s something else I may have lied about, that may end coming up later. I confessed everything I could think of at the time. And I’m pretty sure I got it all, but now I’m soo worried. I love him more than anything, and he is the best thins that has ever happened to me. But I feel like I was put up against a wall when he asked the questions. I hurt him alot, I know I did. And he said his feelings for me are lessening, and I am soo scared that I have ruined our relationship, and I may lose him. I wish I could take it all back I really do, and all I can do now is hope and pray that he will forgive me, and that someday he will trust me again. Until then all I can do is show him how much I truly love and care about him! Hang in there all of you, I know we can make the right choices, we just have to be strong and weather the storm were in right now!

written by P.j, 29 May, 2012

I am a liar I have been lying about so Many things I feel like I am the worst person ever I lied to my parents today about finding a College job after summer and they found Out about I am just so sad and angry on myself I want stop lying every time I lie I feel like I deserve to die

written by PJDS24, 27 July, 2012

I literally just lied to my fiance about where i was a couple of minutes ago. And no.... i wasn’t doing anything wrong – noticed the pattern her, we lie because we are afraid of the reaction. I really think it’s a bit deeper. We lie because of our past. We are ashamed of things we’ve done, some even of who they are. If anything i can confirm this is nothing you learn to do during a relationship, it’s been there since the start. Tonight is "D" night for me – think she going to leave me. Whatever happens tonight – i’m going to really try to stop lying by facing the reaction.

written by Sad in Texas, 04 December, 2012

I’m a liar. It’s like second nature. I’ve lied to my family, my kids, my boyfriend. I’ve like to co-workers and friends. Now, I’m about to lose the man I love because of it. After reading all these postings I see how much he puts up with me because of my lying. I wonder if the situation were reversed if I would be able to do the same. I have cheated. It goes from texting guys I talk to online to physically cheating on him my ex and a new guy. I deserve to be alone and he’s right at this rate no one will ever be able to trust me.