My boyfriend lied about having nude photos of his exs and looking at porn

I have caught my boyfriend a few times talking to other women online—mainly Facebook. Each time he has said he doesnknow why he does it and promises to not flirt with other girls again and he wants only to be with me.

This is the 3rd time it has happened except this time it was with a colleague. After confronting him about this I decided I wanted to check his laptop only to find that the day after trying to sort things out he was looking through a hidden folder of nudes of exes and there were a lot, also going through his Internet history he visits porn sites daily!

But then he lies about it!

He has agreed to counseling, but said it will make him uncomfortable.

I just donunderstand why he keeps doing it.

Response:

Your boyfriend probably looks at porn and his ex’s photos because it is rewarding. It turns him on.

When it comes to sexual desire humans are not monogamous (see sexual desire). People like to fantasize and think about others even when they are happily in love (see indecent thoughts).

Sexual desire, love and attachment are three separate systems (see love, sex, and attachment).

Fifty Shades of Grey is a bestseller because it is titillating. How many married women read the book and had indecent thoughts? For both men and women, this is part of our human nature.

Your boyfriend lies to you about this issue because it upsets you (see when lovers lie).

In counseling, you should address all of these issues with your boyfriend. As long as he is not cheating on you, does he only have to have sexual thoughts and desires about you? This is something you may want to consider before you talk to your therapist, as this issue will surely come up.

Hope that helps.

You will also probably want to seek out the support of people who are dealing with the same issue. We highly recommend the Straight Spouse Network

 lying boyfriend | problems with pornography

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