My boyfriend keeps revealing more of the truth and I don’t trust him

My fiancé and me started out as online friends. A couple of months later, we began to date. A few months later, he had told me he had a one-night stand with a friend. Obviously, I was distraught at first but he explained that she had seduced him, he was drunk and we had been getting into fights lately and he also blamed it on his state of mind and his medical problems. I forgave him.

A year later, he tells me that that night he wasnactually drunk, just depressed. It wasnone night, it was three and they had been texting a lot. I was really upset once again, but forgave him. Months down the road I’m here, typing this out looking for advice, something.

I’m afraid to bring it up for I feel it will mess with my head even more, but I donwant to feel pain any longer. I love him, and I want to be with him, but I’m wondering what to do to exactly shake off these feelings.

Any advice, answers, something?

Response:

Everyone makes mistakes and it is common for people to conceal the truth (see why people lie). When people do confess, they typically do what your boyfriend did. They tell partial truths, rather than reveal the complete story, because they feel it is a safe way to get it off their chest. Their partial version of the truth makes them feel better about what happened. However, in their relief they feel more comfortable and consequently more facts start to leak out.

From your point of view, this can be very difficult to hear. You thought you knew an unpleasant truth, only to find out it is much worse. You forgave him once while he was lying to you. Of course you are going to question is he being completely honest now.

The best way to deal with this issue is in a calm and direct manner. Your emotions are not likely to fade away unless you express them to your boyfriend. The critical part is approaching the topic in a way that 1) makes you feel understood and 2) does not create a defensive response. Our best advice is to read our section on raising such issues with a partner (see talk about problems).

lying boyfriend | trust issues

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