Should I expose my wife’s secret relationship

My wife has been having a secret intimate friendship with a married man for several years. In May, I discovered (by looking at her cell phone bill) that they were talking several times a day. She admitted that she met him a few times a week at the gym to work out but denies any sexual relationship.

This summer, they worked together in another state. She promised that she was being honest with me about the friendship and that it was now all above-board.

Then, last week, I found that she had purchased a secret phone to talk to him without my knowledge and was lying to me again.

I feel that it is time to tell his wife so that she knows that this is going on as well. I know that if I were in her shoes, I would want to know. I also feel that this will provoke a crisis in my wife and her friend’s relationship and force some resolution.

What do you think?


Unfortunately, technology makes it much easier for people to maintain a secret relationship than in the past.

And when people have been betrayed by a lying spouse, it is natural to want to expose the relationship. But before you do so, it helps to examine your motivations (see should I expose the relationship and should I confront the other person).

If you are exposing the relationship because you think it will bring you and your wife closer together, it might be wise to reconsider your plan.

In all likelihood, exposing their relationship may create an even deeper bond between your wife and her “friend.” When two people feel under attack, it often draws them closer together. Having their relationship exposed may give them more to talk about and create an even greater sense of togetherness.

And if your actions get perceived as an attack on their relationship, it may not only bring the two of them closer together, but it can also create more distance between you and your wife.

In the worst case scenario, exposing the relationship may cause his wife to terminate their relationship, leaving him in even greater need of your wife for support.

Again, our best advice is to focus on the outcome you are trying to create. If you are trying to save your relationship, there are much better ways of going about it (see recovery and repair and relationship Issues).

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