Will counseling work with a serial cheater?
Hello. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years now! 5 years ago I found a ton of disturbing things on his phone. Text to other women, emails to other women asking if they want to meet at an hotel, etc. I was ready to leave and he was seriously on his knees begging me to stay! I felt he was sincere and would quit.
Well 5 years later and he’s back to his old ways! He’s been emailing again, etc! He’s come up with lies such as, “Oh I just did it to see if you were "snooping" through my email!”
Well I then found other messages on his Facebook and he claimed he had met her and people were picking on her so he stuck up for her and wanted to make sure she was ok!
I don’t want to stay if he’s lying because he’s lied so much in our relationship! I love him so much but my heart can’t take the pain anymore! I had so many heart palpations this last time I seriously thought I was going to have to go to a doctor! We have 3 kiddos and I’m doing my hardest to keep our marriage intact! I’ve also realized this last time that while I don’t want to hurt my kiddos, they need me and I’m no good if their dad is constantly making me feel that way!
I told him counseling or it’s over so he’s supposed to be finding a counselor! I was wondering if a counselor would even be able to help after 10 years of lying and infidelity? Thank you!
Counseling, with a qualified counselor, is always helpful, even if it is just to reach the conclusion that you no longer want to live this way.
Like any human behavior, lying and cheating, are a mixture of personality differences, environmental factors, relationship issues, and so on (see likely to cheat). In counseling, you should make it your goal to 1) identify what causes your husband to behave as he does and 2) can these issues be resolved?
To answer your question, serial cheating, which a partner tries to hide, is more difficult to recover from than a remorseful, mistake a partner brings to your attention.
I have my own question to ask
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