A book by a founder of this site.
When the dust settles will he leave his wife and want to be with me?
I have been in a relationship with a married man for over three years. We were so very deeply in love... everything with this man was everything I had ever wanted and it was the most I had ever been in love. We shared so much of our lives and for so long... we had planned and talked openly about blending families and lives and marriage and being so happy with one another.
But... he was married and struggled and always would make excuses as to why he couldn’t leave his wife... he lived a double life... and I loved him so much that I tolerated so much of the heartbreak that comes with dating a married man... no weekend time... holidays... texting was essential and phone calls were few. We made time for one another… dates and movies we were very sexually adventurous and we managed a yearly get away a time or two... I met some friends and a cousin and he met some of mine.
He did not want to be the bad guy in his marriage... he didn’t want his wife to know he was leaving her for me... and that he was unhappy... he said she was a good person, but just not to be married to because and treated him like a kid instead of a man. And he didn’t want to hurt her because she was a good person so he needed to end it a certain way... and just didn’t.
So I ended the relationship... I couldn’t bear to hear any more excuses or let another year of hoping he would decide... and he simply just stop talking to me... no emotions or fighting for me.
I told his wife... which I did out of hurt. He had hurt me and led me on... I waited patiently and listened to all of his excuses... and supported him in every way and loved him unconditionally... for years.
Of course she was upset and hurt... so was he.
So my question is.... will he want to be with me when the dust settles? Or did I do too much damage... after all he did want a divorce.
Consider the following:
- You talked about blending your families, but did not do so.
- He lived a double life.
- He did not want to be the bad guy in his marriage, but he was.
- He did not want his wife to know he was unhappy – he did not want to be honest with someone he claims to care about.
- He let his wife treat him like a kid, but he did not act like an adult and talk to her about his feelings.
- He wanted to end his marriage, but in a “good” way – a way that did not involve being respectful enough to tell the truth. He allowed his wife to create a life with him based on false information, but says that he was concerned about not hurting her. By lying to his wife, he stole any chance she had to make informed decisions about the most important things in her life. For someone who doesn’t want to hurt his wife, he found a really good way of doing so.
- When you ended the relationship with him, he did not demonstrate any signs of concern, loss or grieving. Perhaps he cares less about you than he does his wife.
Hopefully, when the dust settles, you will come to the realization, that true love involves dealing with difficult issues in a respectful, honest way.
Feelings of passion and love can easily cloud one’s judgment. But, considering how he treats people he says he loves, do you really want the type of love he has to offer?
Actions speak louder than words. And in this case, his actions aren’t speaking, they are screaming, “I have no respect for the people I love.”
I have my own question to ask
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