Thinking about exposing my ex-lover’s cheating

Recently ended a 16-month affair. Contributing factor to ending it was discovery that she had as many as eight other affairs during the course of her 20+ year marriage. Each of us are married but still pursued this relationship. Her husband is a devout Catholic and they have been going to counseling for the last month or so. However, she admitted to me that she’s not being honest through the process nor has any plans to tell him of all of her affairs. Which seems to be counterintuitive. On the other hand my wife learned of our affair several months ago and rightly placed me in a difficult spot at home. The heart of my question is this: should I now that I know of these multiple affairs and my former lovers persistent lying notify her husband of her transgressions? As odd as it sounds it pains me to think that short of him learning the truth she’s likely to jump into yet another affair. Oddly she claims she loves him immensely but still has this wayward way about her.

What’s more she goes to confession multiple times a week, church every day and thinks that that solves her problem. I’m not all bad and I really do care ergo the question.


People are counterintuitive. If people were easy to understand, there would be far fewer dilemmas like the one you are now facing.

To start with, you cheated on your spouse. At some point in time, you realized you were cheating with someone, who was married as well. You are now considering exposing your ex-lover’s cheating, because you think it is the right thing to do.

You obviously bypassed the chance to do what was right the first time around. You have already stepped into someone else’s marriage and broken your own vows. Best to stop while you are ahead. Exposing your ex-lover by telling the truth is not necessarily the right thing to do. Motives can sometimes be difficult to discern, but they matter. When you were cheating with her, where was the concern for her husband? Why the concern now? If you are having a hard time staying out of their marriage, why don’t you share your concerns with your wife and see how she feels about it. Probably best to focus your attention on your own marriage and let other people worry about theirs.

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