Think my husband is cheating among other issues

First of all, I absolutely love this website! You have just about everything dealing with life’s issues so thank you.

I am 62 years old. Married 33 years and I have four children two boys, two girls all from the ages of 30 down. I am so confused at the moment. I have had this sick feeling for the last five years that my husband has been cheating. I have no proof just this gut feeling.

Our relationship has definitely taken a back seat since the children came along. But I feel his work has also taken a toll on our marriage since he worked his way up to be partner in this firm. And I stayed home taking care of the kids all these years.

To make this short: I ended up seeing a therapist ten years ago because of family problems with my siblings but ended up talking about my husband the whole time, every session for the next five years. The next thing she said to me is, Hannah I would like you to read this book. This book reminds me a lot of your husband. I want you to highlight everything that jumps out at you. I said ok. The book was called GASLIGHTING! From the movie.

When I returned the next week, I was in awe! I told her I had almost every paragraph, every sentence highlighted.

That was close to 11 to 12 years ago. I never forgot what she told me but I pushed it into the back of my mind because the kids were little then. Now it’s all the signs are in front of my face I know he is up to something I can’t prove it because all he does is put me down and call me crazy — it’s to the point that depression set in. And when my mother passed away I needed treatment and to this day he still holds this against me. Even the kids will take his side. He is such a manipulator that I feel I am even losing my children over him. I can see it happening. When we have words, or argue he will twist my words around to the point that I totally shut down feeling more depressed. I feel trapped. I have threatened to leave multiple times saying he will change and I end up going right back.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know he is cheating I just can’t catch him he’s way too smart and sneaky. I need your advice please.


Relationships are meant to add value to one’s life. A partner should try to make you feel understood, valued and respected — even when disagreements and disputes emerge (see healthy relationships). If you’re feeling belittled, disrespected, and devalued, and you try to talk to your husband about how you’re feeling (see talk about problems) and he doesn’t attempt to listen to you, then it helps to consider what you’re getting out of the relationship.

People sometimes stay in a relationship because of the time they’ve put into it, because they are fearful of being alone, or because they’re partner begs for another chance to make things right. Research shows that people are often happier after leaving a troublesome relationship. Our best advice is to talk to a counselor and attorney about your options. Such decisions have considerable consequences and should be made with professional help.

Also, it doesn’t help to threaten to leave your husband. Promises or changes made due to threats often only work in the short-term. Real change comes about when a spouse or partner empathizes with your feelings and cares about you and wants to make sure that you’re happy and content.

As far as your concerns about your husband cheating, even if he is being faithful, you aren’t feel valued or respected in your relationship. Whether he is cheating or not, doesn’t matter much given the other problems you’re experiencing. It might help to focus on what you’re getting out of the relationship and if it’s worth trying to save (see worth saving). Again, talking with a counselor is your best option.

If you ultimately decide that you need to know the truth about your husband’s faithfulness, the best method is to hire a private investigator (see catch a cheating spouse). Private investigators will collect evidence of your husband’s actions in a way that is legal and may be used in divorce proceedings, if it comes to that. Again, it probably helps to focus on the primary issues you’re facing — how your husband treats you rather than worry about his potential infidelity at this point.

 cheating husband | suspect cheating | worth saving

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