Past Comments – I suspect my husband is having an affair at work

Comments (81)

written by IOWA WOMAN, 20 November, 2007
Yes your husband is definitely cheating. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that work with a married man and I have been having an affair with for one year and can’t believe his wife has never suspected anything. I know if I was married and saw any of the signs you saw I would know he’s cheating. Trust is a huge factor in a relationship and if I was married I would leave him now. I could never look him in the eyes or ever sleep with someone that could do that to me. If you truly love someone you would never do that to the one you love...
written by Guest, 30 December, 2007
Don’t leave your husband solely on suspicion you have no facts that would stand up in court for grounds of infidelity. Iowa women is single and messing with a married man that shows she have no dignity or morals about herself, so she prey on others men. Fight for your marriage go to counseling. If he really wants the relationship to work and truly loves you he will go through hell and high waters to gain your trust back. If you think the secretary is cheating with your husband. Ask her to meet with you for lunch one day and talk over your assumptions with her. You can tell a lot by someones body language and gestures made when certain questions are asked. Do not speak to her over the phone you need to see the facial expressions. Better yet treat her to a day at the spa tell her its for appreciation for her hard work, and charge it to your husbands account, after all its his secretary "business expense". Bringing this to the light to him and her will bring shame in her life, but be careful if he really wants her this may put your relationship in danger, you have to be ready for the unknown.
written by Nancy12, 25 January, 2008
I decided to contact the other woman as I had to know the extent of their relationship. I took a friendly approach as the last thing I wanted was to scare her off. What I found out was such a surprise but I can honestly say that I am glad I did it because to live in a state of uncertainty was destroying my life. All the time I thought that she would be younger and better than me. She isn’t! She works with my husband, but doesn’t have a position of power like I suspected, but is just a mail sorter. I thought theirs was a passionate relationship, that he must love her if he would risk losing me, but she confirmed that they hardly had sex and she was confused also about their relationship. From the information she gave me I was able to build a better picture of my husband and the "man" I thought he was. In a way it has helped our relationship to shift from the state it was in towards something different. I no longer have him on a pedestal and fully realize that he has weaknesses and failings like everyone else. I realize that although he has never shown it, he actually needs to be admired and to feel important. I am giving him lots more attention and praise and I can see that his response is very positive. I am slowly pointing out to him that perhaps the "affair" itself took on a life of its own and he became addicted to the buzz it gave him. He agreed that something like that was happening because he realized that he had nothing in common with the other woman but he did like the attention she gave him. Its early days yet, but I know now that whatever happens I will survive it. My advice to you would be to keep calm and like the experts say, don’t accuse him. Once you are sure of your facts, speak to the other woman and find out what their relationship is about. You might be surprised at what you learn. In the meantime, carry on with your life, don’t show him that you are about to crumble. Keep strong and positive and portray to him a woman who can take on anything.
written by Lou-Lou, 06 June, 2008
I found out my hubby was cheating through my own investigative work..and a 5 month old in tow with me. I contacted the other girl..and I do mean girl.She said that nothing was going on and apologized profusely if she did anything to give off that impression. I still was not satisfied.My husband was gone all the time, getting phone calls at all hours of the night, we were hardly having sex, and when we did..he made sure it was over with as soon as possible..almost like he felt guilty for having sex with me(his wife). I confronted him nicely, but ended up balling. He wiped my tears and told me nothing was going on.Then said if I kept accusing him of stupid stuff than he might consider a seperation. I knew for sure at this point he was cheating.My hubby would have normally comforted me , not threaten me...the truth was he was threatened and didn’t want to deal with the situation. He then told me that I was losing my mind, and perhaps should consider some antidepressants..he said my erratic thinking must be the baby blues. I loved my hubby and trusted him. The signs were clear a year ago..but it took me a year of second guessing myself and trusting my hubby to finally see the truth. I went on vacation to visit my family, and when I returned I found hair types that were not mine, a bra in my underwear drawer that wasn’t mine, and the girl’s multiple account information on our computer.My hubby still lied to my face.Turns out that she came and stayed in my home whenever I was away.When I left he threatened to kill himself, and begged for me to give him another shot.I didn’t want to..I finally wasn’t hurting anymore..after such a long time of it, and during such a precious time too(my daughter’s first 2 years). He begged and begged. I gave him another shot.It has been almost 2 years since then.The first year was dynamic, loving, passionate, considerate ...It was amazing. The next 6 months after that things kinda settled back to a slower pace..I understand we can’t all be on top of the world all the time. The past 3 hubby has been withdrawn, complaining about my body changes post baby(below the belt..literally). Which hurts me, because I gave birth to a baby..I have gotten everything in better shape than it was before I had a baby...but I have no control over that..and I find it hurtful.He almost seems like pick fights at times, to create the illusion that our marriage has turmoil..I think he does it to make himself feel better or less guilty. I think my hubby is having an affair again, with a 20 yr old girl that works for him.What amazes me is she’s a lot bigger than me, and she’s not very bright. She just laughs at everything.I sat across from her for about 3 hrs at an event. My hubby was doing stuff their, so we had a lot of time to talk. She asked me a lot of questions about our relationship, about how long we dated before we were married, and if I wanted anymore kids?? I smiled and politely answered her and asked her a few mundane questions about her own life...I caught her staring at me quite a few times. After I told her how happy we were and other things...she started getting drunk.Then when we left ..I saw my hubby make his way across the event to say bye to her..of course there were other people over their too...but I watched him tap her on the shoulder , too which she turned around..he looked around right after tapping her on the shoulder, and saw mw seeing him. He looked very nervously away,.said bye and started walking toward me...I asked him, he promised me nothing was going on..but then again he has lied to my face before..for a year and a half he lied to my face. So I don’t know what to do. I don’t have it in me to go through this was so hard and so really broke my heart and crippled my spirit. I got through it last time...and then he begged and begged and I went back..If I have allowed him to hurt me again..I will never be able to forgive myself or him. Why is it that we invest so much love into each other, just to use it against each other??? I love my husband with all my heart and soul...I just wish I knew one way or the other....I told him..if you don’t have the decency to honor me with faithfulness, at least have the dignity not to lie to me and tell me the truth. Call me crazy, but I think I am at least entitled to the truth, how ever horrible it may be...It has to be better than living in suspicion..This is killing me.
written by Missymoo, 22 June, 2008
Dear Lou Lou, I guess the question is, can you see yourself without this man who you cannot trust. Trust is huge. We do invest so much of ourselves in men, go out of our way to please them, etc, but here you are again in this situation. I think it is good to look forward to your own life and how to make a living for yourself to support your child. Men do also threaten, but mostly to control you. How can someone honestly love you and cheat. I think the awful part is always having to feel suspicious, who needs it. You deserve more than that, you are not at fault. Remember that, you have given him many chances and here you are again. Do not waste more of your life, time. it is precious and you will feel stronger if you stand on your own. That is my two cents. I have been in this situation and I did not like the person I became during that time. Not myself.
written by kukkoo, 26 September, 2008
Now you must decide your future. Do not believe him more. Be quick.

written by Harmony_S, 29 December, 2008
Lou-Lou, Get the hell out of that relationship!
Here’s one thing you did wrong.
You took back a man who did not love you.
And I am truly sorry to say that but this man does not love you. He cheated on you and invited another woman into your home.
He betrayed you. You did a big disservice to yourself by taking him back into your life.
You deserve better. This man is not worth all the pain and agony you’re going through.
Leave him and find a real man.
written by LM, 05 February, 2009
My husband is a cop and for the past 4 years I had the Other women in my life. Every time I think its over BOOM, her number appears again. So thinking its been good and she is gone. Right before christmas my husband said he was staying up to watch tv after a night out together, and i went to bed. 2 am heard voices, got out of bed and there he was on the couch under a blanket on the phone with her AGAIN. I through him out, screamed at her. She is a divorced women with 2 small children and won’t respect me no matter how many times we fight on the phone over the years. My husband swears he don’t want to be with her. WHAT? 4 yrs of this and they won’t stop, I’m exhausted.
written by SusanTN, 07 February, 2009
Aside from all that you are asking. what you should never to do is pretend You did not see what he did! you said you pretended not to notice him putting the card away. Why engage in deception & dishonesty. I am not judging you. I just remember my mother saying to me, when her husband started talking about women he met a work my mother said. i just shut and listened to what he was saying. I said what if he was testing you to see if you care. My point is...DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP...say hey I saw that in the mail why are you hiding it! Bring it out in the open, unless you don’t want to hear the truth....sorry honey good luck...don’t be afraid of the truth! WE are here for you in spirit, sister!
written by cris Kelly, 18 March, 2009
I have just managed to find the strength to walk away from my cheating boyfriend, it was the lies that hurt the most, that he could look me straight in the face and lie, even when he knew i had seen him he made out it was someone that looked like him or i was seeing things because that’s what i wanted to see. 3 years of lies, i just could not take any more.
Its not been easy, its early days and i am in bits, but i deserve better than that, and so do the rest of you putting up with crap.

Here’s to my new life.
written by truthful, 24 April, 2009
Hello...women! WAKE UP! For those of you who know that your husband is cheating, "He’s an adulterer!!" Leave him. You DO NOT deserve this and if you stay you are enabling him to continue committing adultery.
written by szuchi, 23 May, 2009
if you are a woman who is ‘the lover of a cheating man’.... stop and think about what you’re doing. Do you really think that your his one and only?
written by lajet, 27 May, 2009
I’m curious as to what other "addictions" these cheating men might’ve exhibited other than the cheating.

In my personal experience the cheater/liar was/is also an alcoholic and had problem with drug abuse, gambling, porn use, etc...

They were all linked, whether by one leading to the other the next day (or even week), or by being used all together in a binge type of behavior.

The cheating actually surprised me at the time. Never thought he would think I could take any more of his issues in my life... but then of course I realized that it was inevitable.

And I did find out by emailing the other woman with kindness. In fact, I have no real anger toward her to this day. He is the one who betrayed me. He mislead her.
written by MichaelK, 08 June, 2009
Wow. He is absolutely cheating on you. But I would get down to the dirt and ask more questions and get real answers. If he gets defensive and jumps around the bush about it, he is deceiving you. Divorce before it gets worse.
written by Rhea, 07 July, 2009
My husband works in a MNC and he is having an affair with a married woman( she has a five year old daughter) who is junior to him and works in the same office .I have seen some sms that proves that.My husband does not want to talk about this at all .I have her husband’s phone no. Should I call her husband and tell him about all this?
written by Amazed, 25 September, 2009
Yes, absolutely let him in on all this!!

written by scottie, 16 November, 2009
I found out 7 months ago that my husband was having an affair with someone from his work who had been in our house although at the time i did not know what was going on. He said it had been happening for 10 months and it was nothing exciting just friends although he then told me that there friendship turned into love. I could not accept this and left him for a week to make up his mind and I was not being second best to no one as we had been married for 35 years I am so devastated that I am suffering from depression. He just wants to move on but how can I trust him again my world fell apart as I thought he was my soul mate. I also want to take it up with her I did phone but her response was to forget it and move on, but I am so unsure that nothing went on as he says.
written by my husband cheated, 01 January, 2010
I would say that your husband is definitely being unfaithful to you. my husband recently had an affair. i found out and confronted him. he denied everything. until i contacted her husband. then the truth all came out.

as for advise. i would say that if he can come clean and end the affair, then you owe it to yourselves to work on your marriage for about 6 months. go to counseling, really work on your relationship, and decide if your marriage is worth saving. you will never fully gain that trust back, but that is something that you have to decide for yourself. is it worth it?

this is the position i am in now. still not sure what i will do, but i have committed to 6 months of trying.

hope this helps you.
written by Dix, 02 January, 2010
Hi Ladies, I am so sorry that we have to get treated like we do. My husband has cheated several time and always flirts in front of me with other women. Recently I had a birthday and again he got me nothing, but we were at a party several days before where he was flirting with this girl who is 37 and married as well and he is a young looking 60, she mentioned to him she loves garden statues WELL what did he say to me the next day, that he wanted to try to find this girl a garden statue.. I was so hurt because he never told me happy birthday or bought me a gift. The only reason I have stayed with him is that I have terrible back problems and could never support myself. I could not work at a job to make enough money to live. This hurt me so much. I really hope he gets his one day, it is so terrible living with someone who you know does not love you. My life is so miserable and what can I do. I have no family or friends. The girlfriends I have had in the past he is all over them flirting, so I just decided I can’t have any friends because it hurts me even more when he does this..
written by Daiyeema, 21 January, 2010
I have been separated with my ex-husband for >3 months. He is an aircraft engineer and is having an affair with a flight attendant. He first introduced her to me as a badminton pal. Therefore, we used to be friends playing badminton together. She then becomes one of my facebook friends and she did come to my house for BBQ party. After a few months, I noted a lot of cheating signs in him & her during the BBQ party at my house and all the subsequent badminton plays. When I confronted him openly, he denied it totally. He said I was crazy and thinking too much and told me to seek medical help!!! Since then, I knew that he lied to me a lot – telling me he was playing badminton with a group of friends but in fact he was out with this woman. 3 months ago I knew that he lied to me again because of this woman and we had a big quarrel. After a couple days of "cold war", he packed and left home and asking for separation. Fortunately, we have no kids and I am financially independent. Still now, he denied his affair with her in front of his co-workers (even all of them knew what had happended and told me to move on and get a new life). Now, all he is pushing me is to sell the house and split $. I couldn’t believe that this will ever happening to me and it did. We have been married for almost 13 years and I gave up my family & career in my own town and followed him to move to a new country... He forgot totally how we worked so hard to start our new life & build our family together!
written by It happened to me, 10 February, 2010
I would trust your instincts. If you think your husband is having an affair, he probably is... And if you want him to admit it, you need to ask him directly and – if he’s at all evasive – repeatedly until you have the answer you know to be right (one way or the other).

In my case, I could see the signs of my husband’s affair very early on – sudden interest in his physical fitness, spending late nights at work, mobile phone calls from ‘mates’ that were very stilted on his end, concern as to what to wear on work nights out.

The uncertainty was awful and led me to be sneaky in my own way (hacking into his email account, accessing his phone, tracking his internet usage). My suspicions were largely confirmed (although see below!) by my sleuthing – most of all when I called the number he’d received an ‘odd’ phone call from and heard a female co-worker answer.

Having heard her voice (and put the phone down), I spoke to my husband about the nature of his relationship with this co-worker. The funny thing is that at that point, he wasn’t actually having an affair, but he did ask for a separation to think things over, moved out of the house and THEN started his affair with this woman... (No, I didn’t put the idea in his mind – the wheels were in motion, I just perceived things way before he did.)

The most difficult parts of my experience have been:

That it’s led me to stoop to suspicious, prying behaviour.
That I’ve felt anger, bile and the desire to hurt someone (her!) like never before – I don’t like feeling this way or having the knowledge that I’m capable of such hatred
That I paid half my husband’s rent in order that he could have time and space to think about whether he wanted to be in our marriage or not – and so, by default, landed up paying for him to have a place to have sex with another woman
That, because he has asked if I think I could take him back and I have said let’s try, I can’t vent my anger towards him or make him ‘pay’. Someone very wise has said to me that there will be no justice and that the most I can hope for is a recommitment. I suspect they are right!
That he lied to me
That he lied to everyone else in his life too
That he’s not the upright, just, decent guy that we – and he – had always considered him to be – it’s sometimes hard to discover that another human is simply that!
That he didn’t come to me to admit the affair, but only owned up to it after direct and repeated questioning from me.

Where are we now? Well, we’re seeing a counsellor weekly – they have a very practical approach and I’m feeling more positive that we now have tools to correct some of the fundamental problems we had – lack of communication, lack of affection. My husband is certainly trying. However, I can also see that sometimes it takes effort and he finds it hard. We both feel a lot of trepidation. He’d due to move back home this weekend and I know I’m nervous. I’m sure he is too. We’ll see what happens....!

written by amazed, 06 March, 2010
girls....listen...this is hard for me to retell but know this: I have recently found that my husband has been cheating for over a yr...all thru my pregnancy and the birth of our child....but the hardest part here is he was cheating with other men. He also did not use protection. after testing was done i contacted some gay friends of mine previous to our marriage and found that 2/3rds of cheating married men cheat with other men. And most go whats called bareback. the BIGGEST part of hubby was tested positive....get tested and make them get tested before you take them back...does your man like to wear condoms?

And yes we do deserve better then this.
written by hard to accept, 18 March, 2010
I too had my partner cheat on me with a co-worker. I found out by breaking into their emails. It was all there in black and white. At first we tried to make it work, but the lack of concern over my feelings only made me think it was still going on. (the co-worker) is married and afraid I am going to tell their spouse. Now my partner is saying they need to take a break from me, because they do not want to argue. They said.. I may deserve it, but I can’t take it. That right there showed me they don’t care about me. The worst part is in their emails they talked about our sexual relations, and the guy was getting off to it,and wanting to know more. Here is my problem, I love my partner, and want us to get help. But at this point they don’t even want to speak to me. Should I sit back and wait, or go ahead and tell the guys wife? Which they will know it did it, and that will be the end to us ever working anything out.
written by leavehim, 05 April, 2010
Hard to accept,

I would totally bust that b* and tell her husband everything. Surely there is a special place in HELL for all the dusty whores who knowingly cheat with married men and the married men who cheat on their wives.

I know that if my fiance were to cheat on me there would be no working on anything. It would be so over. There is something psychologically the matter with people who cheat. It has been studied, and they will cheat again. And it’s not something that "just happens" or blindsides anybody. That’s a bunch of BS.

People do it for the thrill of the hunt, for horniness, and for the women who seek out attached men they have self-esteem issues and want to prove their worth by breaking up people in love to show they are better than the wife.

Personally, I could not live with the suspicion.
written by 13, 10 April, 2010
I feel sorry for you. I’m only 13 and don’t understand this very well but don’t get a divorce until you know for sure or you could break up either your soul mate when he didn’t do anything...
again I’m so sorry about your dilemma.smilies/sad.gif
written by Dianas1968, 09 May, 2010
I think my husband of 23 years marriage is cheating on me or thinking about it. Up to 2 months ago or so, he loved cuddling in bed and always nagging me for sex, and you know after a long day at work,I am mostly tired and always argued about the bedroom dilemmas, but now in bed he doesn’t even touch me or even come close to even touch my skin, spooning is out of the question and even a good night kiss is now non existent. When my arm accidentally fell on his chest during sleep, he picked it up gently and put it on my lap, I was greatly offended, but didn’t say anything, since that day I have noticed many little things, like being very distant, but buying gifts, and giving many any more than asked and without hesitation. Recently he has lost about 30 kg and although very proud of the result, am very worried and jealous. He know buys lots of clothes and always showering and brushing his teeth, after work he spend his time in the garage, on the gym equipment or on the phone. He gets very upset if we interrupt him if on the phone. He makes his phone calls in the bedroom or in the garage, and if I go in while talking on the phone, he puts the phone to his chest, says what he has to say to me, and waits for me to get out of the room to continue speaking. Last night he had his mate over in the kitchen, and while me and my 3 kids watching t.v in the lounge room, I could hear them speaking very very softly, so I got up and hid behind the wall to overhear what was being said, I heard some, like, I feel cold towards her (maybe me) and its been a year now since she first spoke to me and I like the interest she takes in me, even just she wanting to talk to me or be near me! May be I am imaging this, but am I?? Please what do I do, should I just confront him and ask him, or do I wait for some concrete evidence first?
written by francesV, 24 May, 2010
I know it is painful but at some point it all needs to come out, you must have a showdown and demand the truth, it is not until this point has been reached you can decide how the future will be.
I you can get yourself into a very calm and composed frame of mind and confront your husband, tell him you know something is going on and he has the choices for you to pack up and leave immediately, or he tell you the truth and let him know that if he lies to you it will come out at some point and then there will be no hope for you relationship.
Then you can begin to see how you feel and if you can repair your relationship.
These things happen and there are not just he fault of one person, but it is usually one person who snaps and takes a foolish action. Obviously it is not the right things to have done, but unfortunately men especially need their egos boosted and have the opportunity often when working closely with a woman to take things further.
I discovered my husband was having an affair 6 months ago and I confronted him, he opened up to me and we are working on repairing our relationship (a marriage of 40 years). I ignored signs for a long time as I had such great trust in him and have been badly let down by this happening. Things feel much better between us and we have taken positives out of a bad situation and feel closer than ever.
My husband actually seemed to feel relieved when it all came out, he said it was done and did not mean that much to him, but it reached a point where he could not seem to end it. Sounds weak I know, but men often are.
Read Mars and Venus in the bedroom, we found it a great help.
I hope you can put the work in to repair your relationship too.smilies/smiley.gif
written by nico, 11 June, 2010
it is crazy to hear the stories of you nice people... i am with this women who is older than me, we been together for 12 years i never deared to cheat on her she goes through every thing of mine phone wallet no place where to hide so been very faithful to her supported her i even give her all my earnings madly in love with her... guess what one night she don’t come home she text she is with her friend from work was a lie could not sleep that night just my instinct that she was with some one morning early i opened her face book and there it was the toy boy talking to me as if it was her did respond ...mad sure of what she did ... she comes home there she is all nice to me confronted her she insisted she was with her friend from work...even she did swear on her fathers grave... i thought was going crazy she is a born liar after a week confronted her with her mobile in my hand and read the text and she goes with the truth ... oh man she is abrasive it is the right word i think... no shame we still share the same place i did invest all my mony in the place ... if i walk out i loose a lot ... i am going insane dont know what to think any more ... she became violent abusive all because i found out she even threatened to kill if i go near this boy ... what to do any advice welcome thank you ....nick smilies/sad.gifsmilies/sad.gif
written by mahi, 11 June, 2010
it is sad when we here stories like this and surprisingly we still go ahead and except the man the way he is even despite of him cheating on us because we love and care about them.So it is time for us to react to certain issues that can be solved only if we make our will power stronger and become the goddess to control the life of our husbands which i did and managed to push my boat to the shore and forgave the mistakes that were made by my husband as i stopped bothering bout them and gave priority to myself ,my work and my happiness than sitting and digging out graves which will only give move on
written by riflerambo, 04 August, 2010
I do not know what to do. I do not I have it in me to go through this again is so difficult and so painful really broke my heart and my mind paralyzed.
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written by hismarlow, 08 August, 2010
My opinion on this isnt going to be popular, but I think its worth saying anyway. I am in a relationship with a married man,and have been for two years now.
For the last five years of their marriage, she has used every excuse in the book to not have sex with him. She puts him down in public, and to his friends ( i’ve witnessed this many times), she punishes him with silence – for days at a time- when he does anything she doesn’t approve of.
He certainly has his faults, and can be unthinkingly selfish at times, but he never purposely hurts anyone.He was so starved for love, not just for sex, but for someone to tell him he was worth something to them. And to feel wanted, and cared for and appreciated.It absolutely breaks my heart that she cant see how wonderful he is – and how much he truly just wants his wife to want HIM. He just cant take the loneliness of her disregard. It hurts when you are constantly rejected.And I am there to kiss those hurts all better.
A lot of wives forget that their husbands need the same love and kindness we want for ourselves. Your husbands want to hear that you think they are sexy, and talented, and beautiful and that they have worth to you.They want to be wanted, and loved. And if you cannot ( or do not want to) handle the physical side of that need, then there will be women out there who will gladly handle it for you.

written by m., 24 August, 2010
I have just found out that my husband has been cheating on me. When I questioned him he said he has nothing to say....I am so scared of being alone, lame i know. I dont know this man he has changed so much also found out he is taking can I still love this man
written by S.A born, 14 September, 2010
Oh my goodness. I am getting married soon and this site is just scary! Yet, in a strange way it is soo encouraging to see women who have been hurt soo badly fight for their marriages. I want to be a wife like that. I wish you guys all the best.
written by Chief573, 24 September, 2010
Ladies, this is the married man speaking, the guy having the "affair". Mine would never have happened if my wife had allowed me to court her and maintain an intimate relationship with her. Now I have met a divorced woman who is crazy about me, and demanding I leave my marriage... Big problem because I was just looking for a little attention, did not expect this to happen!!

Both spouses have a responsibility in this, not just the "cheating husband".

written by fikre, 12 November, 2010
I will say man are dog smilies/angry.gif
written by Meeky, 02 December, 2010
To the "cheaters" and "cheat-ees": Husbands also must make their wives feel wanted. Its not all about "hey let’s have sex" it’s more complicated than that in relationships. You have to be able to give and receive in other ways too. Make her feel special too. Just as husbands want to feel loved, secure, wanted, handsome, wives want to be told they are loved, and pretty, and want to be shown they are special too! Wives need to make sure that they are giving personal attention to their hubbies. Remember when you first got married? Bliss, right? Now there are kids, work, bills, engagements, etc. Make sure you carve out a special niche of time for each other. It works both ways. But just remember to work at those relationships. They are troublesome and frustrating sometimes, but the pay-off is bigger at the end, no? smilies/smiley.gif
written by Battydee, 14 December, 2010
I completely feel the pain of all of you. I have found out my husband has been cheating on me with a woman who has a son 5 years younger than me. He has been friends with her for 2 years and having an affair for almost a year of that time. I am gutted as it is not the first time he has cheated a-he cheated 2 years ago when i was pregnant with our daughter, i stayed with him as i genuinely thought we could get through it. he blamed his affair on my lack of interest in sex. i told him i was interested in sex but i dont fancy being mauled while doing the dishes or bending over putting clothes in the washer.....that a woman needs to feel cared for and not pounced on. Anyway, i had my suspicions of his latest affair for a long time, so one weekend after months of not going out, i decided to go out and enjoy myself with a friend. Sure enough my husband visited his woman before letting me out and berated my dress before i headed out. Anyway,i decided i wanted him to feel the hurt i had felt from him, so i cheated on him that night, not with a stranger but somebody i had known for a while. i did feel bad about it and i have not seen this guy except once in the street since then. I did confess to my husband about it when i confronted him about his affairs,because i wanted every thing out in the open, i wanted him too to be honest about everything he had done. But no, he turned everything on me, he’s been going around with a big glum look on his face, barely says anything to me and is in such bad mood. I even caught him returning to the other womans house one weekend i was away, as i had put a tracking device on his car. He of course denied . The man hasn’t an honest bone in his body........he just cannot tell the truth no matter what. I know he is embarrassed because i went and told some of his friends what he had been up to and i told my family because the years of suspicions had driven me to a very bad state health-wise and i felt like i was having a nervous breakdown. Even at the time when i gave birth to our daughter, and i asked him then if he was still having an affair he told me that he hoped i was suffering from the baby blues depression as i was crazy to suspect him, but sure enough he was cheating. From the outside he was a perfect husband and i honestly believed him the majority of times. He always collected me from work, rang me 4 or 5 times a day, would do the night shift with the baby so i could sleep. But all along he was living a double life. I also found out he was smoking weed as well. I dont know what to do or how to work things out, he seems to be oblivious to my feelings and i feel he is mourning the loss of this other woman. I dont know if i can cope alone with my daughter, and go through the stress of a divorce. Its such a mess...............i have no family near by and I dont want to be a burden to anybody.
written by Denize, 24 December, 2010
I suspected my wife of having an affair at work as well.

She always sat up late at night, surfing the internet while I was asleep. And whenever I went up to see what she was doing, she always had the "delete history" files open on the PC.
I asked her why she was doing that, and she said: well at work they say that its safer in case of delete everything.
I thought it made sense...

To make a long story short, I used a keylogger from , and installed it on my computer, recording everything she did when I was sleeping.

Turned out, that she was sleeping around with many people, chatting with them on yahoo messenger, and she had a dating account at

So if you suspect anything, recording your pc is a good start. its as good as recording a mobile phone.
written by hismarlow, 02 January, 2011
It is ALWAYS a two way street. Unfortunately, too many wives use sex as a bartering tool, and believe that sex should be at their whim and control. It should always be a give and take with both husband and wife. There will be times when one or the other is not in the mood, but steps should be taken to make sure that the other doesn’t feel snubbed or rejected. Sex isn’t always about ‘getting off’. Sometimes its a way to feel connected and close to someone else. Its a way to show someone the depth of your feelings for them.

I think it is very sad that some wives only consider the physical aspect of the act, and never the deeper meaning.

written by One of those husbands, 23 February, 2011
I am one of those guys who has cheated on his wife of 21 yrs. I started looking at this blog to get a better perspective on how a husbands actions hurt their wife. My wife and I are on a good path of rebuilding our relationship. While I do not blame my wife for my affair, we have had some very frank discussions about the atmosphere in our marriage that pushed me to doing something that 2f0 years ago I would have never dreamed of doing. At first I blamed her for all the "stuff" that she had done wrong over the years, her response was to look deep into herself and own those things. Myself, while initially thinking I had been doing everything right over the years, have been slowly through good Christian counseling been more and more aware of my part in this picture. Again, I take full responsibility for my actions with the woman I had a relationship with. A couple of things wives should know from a mans perspective as I have been doing a lot of reading up to this point.
-A fling, is much different than an affair that starts as friendship and progresses. Not that a fling is good, its still bad and considered adultery. (I hate that word but its accurate) Flings I associate with too many drinks on a business trip. My wife wishes mine was a fling, not an emotional connection. I think a fling would be much easier to walk away from.
-I was feeling like what I called "a pack mule" or the husband who was always there to fix problems, bring home money, and was ok to wait for his turn for attention from my wife.
-In her world, the kids came first as for the most part they were the squeaky wheel
-When I would open up to her with hopes and dreams, she would be the voice of reason that would explain why it wouldn’t work, cost to much, generally display her non-risk taking characteristics.
-Rarely was she the initiator of sex, guys don’t like to always be that.

We both did lots of stuff wrong, of all the above things I listed, my responsibility was to lovingly talk with her about them as they became issues not stuff them until they became so big I gave up.
I am going to list some things I know guys respond to, both negatively and positively, free of charge. I hope by reading this, some of you gals might be able to learn from our experience.

-Girls want LOVE. (affection, security, romance)
-Guys want RESPECT. (for work, for fatherhood, for being a man)
-We love to not only be physical from a sexual standpoint, we LOVE to work shoulder to shoulder with you on a common goal.
-We want to fix things, please be clear when you want to vent, we are thick but will get it.
-We have big ideas, dreams and goals, not because we want to win the world, because we want to provide for our wives. Let us dream, you don’t always need to play devils advocate.
-Respect our decisions, if you don’t agree talk to us in private not reprimand in front of others.
-Girls cry when hurt or upset.
-Guys egos are very fragile. If we try something and we feel slighted or embarrassed we wont show it but WONT do that again.
-Treating a man with respect will build him up.
-A man will return love for respect. Period.

All the Hallmark cards are all about love, women love that. Give a card to a man that says I respect you, and we will move the world for you.

I could go on and on, but I will leave you with one more thought from my experience. It is very hard for a man to turn his back on the woman he cheated with. I am not an alcoholic or addict, but leaving the relationship is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. It is a daily thing. I still have to tell myself, "just get through this day". This is while my wife has become all the things I wish she was for all those years. It doesn’t make sense, its just what it is. I know that one more contact by me with "her" will end my marriage for good, it is still a strong draw. I did contact her after the first "disclosure" and was found out. It broke down much of what we did to repair the relationship. I know that was my last chance. Still, its a struggle. A guy who is serious about reconciliation needs to be hooked up with other guys who have been there and can help pull them through. Kind of like AA.

For the most part both people in a marriage are good willed people. If we treat each other like that (love/respect) and don’t get to the point where we are cutting each other down and getting to the point that we feel like the other person is out to get us, we can make it.

Good luck!
written by found out, 06 March, 2011
smilies/angry.gif My husband of 23 years is fooling around. He thinks I don’t know.He has died his hair, bought spray tan, has a love stone from her, has a white dressing gown he never wears at home, has a box of condoms I’ve never seen either, new undies with quick access, new shirts, new socks etc. – he’s gone all out! Not for me though. He’s hooked up to the e-mails with his new iPhone now, takes the phones to bed with him these days, stays up till late on the computer chatting, takes his PC to the bedroom. Withdraws himself from my sight, does not want to reconcile differences all of a sudden. Thinks I’m stupid!
written by One of those husbands, 08 March, 2011
Sounds like you are right on. I didnt do all of that but i did text the other one allot. My wife did see my change in attitude towards her and confronted me about it. I knew I had been lieing to her about stuff but I couldnt do it to her face when she asked me flat out. She did ask me to leave for one night which i did and needed to do. She allowed me to come back after that which in retrospect I wish she didnt. I think I needed more time away to really think about what I wanted and was in risk of loosing. You have way more stuff to point to his affair than my wife did. Do you and him a favor, treat him with zero tolerance. Dont beg, dont let him make excuses, tell him to leave and while your at it make a list of all the stuff he is in real danger of loosing such as his faithful wife, kids if you have them, house family relationships etc. He needs to have time to think about all that compared to his other life. He will not be ready to come back until he makes that decision. From my experience, living that double life is fun and adventurous for a while but if he can see the other side of it clearly it may make a difference. My heart goes out to you as you are probably wrecked emotionally right now. I hope he does the right thing, I hope you do to.
written by One of those husbands, 09 March, 2011
Sounds like you are right. I wrote something yesterday but it was not posted, I guess I did something wrong when I posted it. My wife figured out something was wrong just because of my attitude change; you have much more evidence than she did. My advice to you from a guy who has been there is don’t be soft with him. Confront him and make him leave the house to allow him time to think about what he stands to loose. (You, children, house, credibility etc.) Dont allow him to try to talk his way out of it. He will only come back because he decided to, not because you beg and plead with him. What he is doing is fun for him for a time, but it does get ugly for him when he starts weighing the consequences. My prayers are for you, I hope it turns out well.
written by theotherwoman, 13 March, 2011
i had an affair with my coworker...we are both married with kids...i was not happy in the department I was working in...he help me by creating a job for me in his department with a raise....i work very hard on my new job and on 2 years later i am done with him ...have his job title....and call him when i want matter how much i push him away...when i call he always responses...never left his wife....i am surprise she never found out....he has bought me lots of gifts...mostly jewelry. i believe i am a good person...just really good at my husband is deployed....when he is away i get lonely....
written by sms, 18 March, 2011
Oh my god it’s so scary... after I have read these mails I feel I’m not the only one who suspects her man...
I’m 25 yr old, married with 1 kid, my husband runs a private school... I feel he has changed after our marriage, he does not give me so much attention, and when I was pregnant he didn’t like me because of my figure... and after my delivery I came to my mothers home as it is a custom in our place... now when I’m at my moms place from past 9months. I feel my husband is cheating me cause he does not talk to me much and when he comes over night he is not excited to have sex. I’m so sure to say this because last time we were on bed after 3 months of gap, he told me to sleep with my daughter instead of sleeping together. I simply cried, but then he hugged me... I always ask him that is he having an affair but he simply denies and shouts on me that I’m not having any kind of trust on him.
I don’t know what to do.. I love him the most.
written by Clara Howard, 04 April, 2011
How often we women find ourselves in this situation.
Do not give up hope as there are easy answers to help you through this difficult situation. It is so sad.
Communication, trust and an open mind help when dealing with a cheating spouse.

Good luck
written by RizaMia, 24 May, 2011
Hi All. I’m sorry to say that I did the same to my wife. Although I never had any physical contact, I see my wifes point that an affair is an affair. I dont know how to say just how sorry I am and it is not true that once one always one. I know realize that my wife is truly the only woman I love and have ever loved. I was foolish and stupid and did not value or respect her enough at that times. My wife does not want to reconcile and that kills me everyday. If she could only realize that how much I love her and that knowing what I know now, I will never do anything of the sort again. Guys, dont make the same mistake I made. Look at what you have at home before being foolish. My wife is the most beautiful lady in the world to me and now I have lost her.
written by RizaMia, 24 May, 2011
I cheated on my wife as well. I wish to God I hadn’t done it. Yes, there was no physical contact but like my wife says, cheating is cheating. I understand that. I love my wife with all my heart and soul and would do anything to win her back. I can never understand the hurt she feels and I guess thats why she doesnt to reconcile. I was foolish and stupid and did not value or respect her at that times. Although I never wanted to hurt her. I know that sounds strange but thats how I feel. I wish I knew then what I know now. That she is truly the only woman in this whole world for me. She is the most loving, caring and beautiful woman and I have lost her. What a fool I am for not realizing that she only wanted to make us better as a couple and thats what she fought for for so long. I’m lost without her in my life and I wish I could get another chance to make her happy. Its not true that if you have done it once you will always do it. I love my wife more than ever and I will live with this regret for the rest of my life!!!

written by Geoffrey, 18 June, 2011
I like this page and i gained a lot reading about how rife cheating is in relationships.
written by rebeccastoryofhurt, 05 August, 2011
my husband had many secrets. a secret life at work, secret friends I could not ask about. pretty soon, he was secretly spreading his rationalizations for cheating on me to all his friends. I was crazy. I was a bad person.

I stayed home with our two young children, growing increasingly more isolated. If I asked him about a woman who answered his phone, why a man called and asked for him, and then put a woman on the phone to talk to him,etc, he would yell at me, and verbally attack my character until I cried.

He’d call me crazy, and suspicious, and he didn’t know why he felt bad, I was the one acting crazy and suspicious. When one of the other women he dumped got ahold of me, he told me she was crazy. she was trying to break up our marriage. etc. except that he’d had her number in his wallet under the wrong name. so I already knew of this girl, because I’d called her when they were still hot on it.

Men don’t seem to realize that when they have a crush, it’s obvious. when your buddy calls, your face doesn’t light up. when she calls or texts, it does.

He would of course, tell the other women I wouldnt have sex with him, or I treated him terribly, am lazy, a bad person whatever. It’s all lies, he was still having sex with me every night, he had just stopped treating me like I was the woman he loved most of all, because I no longer was.

Not only was he dishonest with me, after leaving him, and being away from him for five years, he still lies about all the other women, and surely lies to all the other women about me.

I know of three, and am sure there are more. The first year of our marriage should have been a sign that the next ten were going to be hell on Earth for me.

strangely. I still want him to come back, be the man he was before we got married, treat me like he did when he thought I mattered. I did nothing to lose his respect for me.

a hot looking hobag started working for him, and I guess once he broke the seal, he found his ego enjoyed the attentions of other women, and maybe the thrill of hurting me was a lot of fun, he didn’t want to stop. he didn’t HAVE to stop. all he had to do was lie. I don’t know. What I do know is we have two children, and their lives have been devastated.

He did everything he could to hurt me, and break me down...I guess so I’d take the hint and leave. whatever his reason, if I do give him another chance, he doesn’t get to have this double sided life that I’m supposed to pretend doesn’t exist. If what he does when he is away, who he is with, or how he feels about them is none of my business, that’s because he is not part of my life. If...big if, we ever get back together, he will have one chance to yell at me and make me cry, one lie to tell, and he’ll be done with me for good, no contact, and I’ll be a mother to our children while being someone who doesn’t care what happens to him. I will make him nothing to me, because that hurt ends. the hurt I experienced being with him was endless.

Still, I want to think the man who courted me still exists, that he just took me for granted. but really, when you ask your love a question, and they yell at you instead of answering, and become angrier the more you cry....that person is not showing love. they are showing hate. I believe God is Love. My husband is worshiping the wrong thing. himself.
written by the phantom, 13 August, 2011
We are expected to go with the same person for 50 years... it’s ridiculous. Can’t help but wonder if some sort of strategy could be devised where both partners can have others, yet stay together. It’s so difficult. Marriage and children complicate things and trap people.
written by Emma31, 16 August, 2011
Having affairs at work has become an easy and common thing for men today. The affairs of a husband are hard to handle when it is from the work place.
written by Miss More, 28 August, 2011
Hi, i didn’t read all of your words, but that’s a norm in life and spousal relationship. It does sound like your husband is cheating. But think rationally... Most guys cheat, they cheat because of their desire and self interests. Confront him and let him know your feelings if you desire to hold on to this marriage. Because, in spousal relation, affair is one of the test that married couple has to go through. Think of his sacrifice and plus points. Then, if he is not worth it, be open and let it go.
written by Cornelia, 30 August, 2011
Hi to everyone, been married for 10 years with a brilliant man who I loved a lot. There have been signs that he is cheating but I totally ignored them as I thought that he will never do that to me. If only I would have checked that phone bill that had an extra charge on it maybe none of this would have happened. It started at work, they became friends and then after 4 months lovers. He came clean to me and said that he is so sorry for what he has done and he said he loved me and he cant live without me and the children. So I took him back but then after couple of weeks he was getting cold towards me and I’ve asked him what is wrong. On the day of our 10th anniversary he confessed that he is still thinking of her and misses her a lot, even when we had sex that day he said he is thinking of her, and he said he wants to have both of us. After all the damaged he has done he didn’t stop and he asked me if I would agree for HER to come around and have sex all three of us sometimes. That stroke me and in that moment I knew I will have to leave him, so in my mind I was already making plans to take the children and go. I wasn’t happy to share my husband with anyone but I said to him to invite her over and discuss this, I just felt I needed to confront her because I knew I would never do that and I was already prepared to go. So the next day she came and in the first place she said there is no way she would do that but then my husband talked with her and she said she would do it. I was just sitting on the sofa felling so bad and didn’t know how to react. That was so much for me to take, I don’t think he has ever realized how much damaged he did to me that day. He then said, because he wanted to have me that there would be no contact or sex behind my back, I was going to leave him in that moment, and she agreed with that. She is married with a two year old at home, what a mother. Then she went to work and buzzed him the whole night but he didn’t got back to her. I couldn’t sleep that night I knew next day I have to go. And then in the morning she texted him that she wouldn’t mind coming to our place sometimes but she would like to have him for herself from time to time. I looked at him and he was spooked he knew that was the moment he has to make a choice and he said it is over now with her. I was already torn in a million pieces, he didn’t realize what he has done that I had no choice left from him. He ended up with her and he never contacted her. I stayed, the way I was I wouldn’t have been able to take care of the children by myself and have no family close by. It is so hard to get over this now, he went back to work after couple of weeks and I know she is there. Soon he will quit his job, he is trying hard to fix everything now but I have this deep scar and is not easy to deal with it, I can’t even load the dishwasher, I am a wreck. My children love him to bits and he is a great father i don’t want them to get hurt too. He is a good man and he is saying that he loves me so much but i have to live with this now and is not easy. Totally wasted, but the funny thing is that after all he has done I still love him so much, or maybe I am crazy still to be with him.
written by LucyLost, 09 September, 2011
Hi all...My boyfriend has been working a lot lately because child support that he pays to his ex-wife has been ridiculously high. He is a great dad but really wants to get ahead financially. I have told him many times I will not marry him until he is more financially stable and can budget his money better. When he started picking up all of these extra shifts lately he said that it was because he wants us to be together and married more than ever. I believed him. We recently had a natural disaster in our area that prevented many people from being on the roads. It was well known that the surrounding areas were not safe to drive in. My boyfriend left my house that evening with the intention of going to bed. We had plans to spend the entire next day together. He didn’t answer my texts the next morning and so I checked my email. There I saw that he had sent me a message saying that work called at 10:00 pm (right after he left my house) and asked if he would cover for the night shift who couldn’t make it in due to the weather. I should mention that he is a Nurse and has taken quite a few "evening shifts" lately too make the over-time. His email told me how he had made it in to work the 4 hours, only to get stuck in water on the way home, destroying his car and cell phone and having to walk 10 miles to get back to work because all roads were closed and no one was able to get to him. He never contacted me while he was stuck because he says he didn’t want to upset me for him going into work in the first place. I was extremely enraged that he did this and sent quite few nasty emails to which I got nasty responses,and was told that it was great to know how caring I was in an emergency situation, and that he had only been trying to get us ahead...I asked him where he slept that first night and he was vague and trying to blow it off. Turns out he slept on a female coworkers sofa who lived across the street. He said there were no available rooms there, and the basement was flooded and that he was offered to stay there and took it out of exhaustion. He said he will be spending the rest of the weekend on a cot in the med supply room. I asked if the girl was married and he said she had a boyfriend. I asked him how he knew this and he said he comes in all of the time, because they just live across the street. I should also mention that several weeks ago I had a suspicious feeling and started asking him about the women he works with and how he gets along with them. I remember he mentioned this woman’s name last and mentioned that she is always complaining about her "husband" and that they are immature and not worth getting to know. After he confessed that he slept there I was dead silent and couldn’t speak. He yelled "I am fine, and if we are going to go though this again, I’m hanging up." He hung up on me in the next second and I haven’t heard from him since. Is he having an affair?
written by Cheaters should be shot, 10 September, 2011
All the cheaters here who are making justifications are fucking arrogant wankers. When you commit to someone you should mean it. You say that people have obligations to the bastards who are heating, what about the obligation they have to be faithful? Don’t come here and try to justify your guilt/feel special that your ruining peoples lives. How narcissistic can u be? You make me sick. When someone cheats its because they have no loyalty and no respect for their partner, why anyone else would want them if they cant be faithful to their wife/husband is a retarded mystery
written by Sonika, 18 September, 2011
To all the Cheaters!

You want to feel wanted, loved and desired then try giving the same to your spouse to get some in return.

My husband and I havent been intimate for 9 months now. How desperate should I be like some of you to cheat. I should BIG TIME!! I cannot get intimate with him nor get anywhere close to him because of the hurtful things that will not wipe out from my memory.

I have heard fat, ugly, scary eyes(I have grave’s disease). Above all, I have heard he turns off the lights during sex because he cannot stand how ugly I look.

In this situation, if he cheats on me...does that make it my fault or his? Should I still submit to him despite knowing that getting intimate with him opens a bag of worms about my ugliness?

I am still under the same roof, living with him like a room mate...nothing else. I dont have a job yet so staying for the sake of kids and economics. He doesnt seem to care that we havent been intimate, wouldnt come close, wouldnt bother to share the basic gratitude that spouses need. Intimacy, affections are totally erased from his dictionary for me.

What am I supposed to do? Cheat or let him cheat? Whose fault will it be?
written by greatfullness, 23 October, 2011
When you are diving down a road, and the deer runs right in front of the car. You have two options: stop and see whats going on or go ahead keep driving, and run the deer over. But you will never be able to say, you did not see the dear. Thats the same thing in your marriage. All the fact are there. Now you have to choose, do you deal with this?, or do you keep on driving, and pretend you dont see this stumbling block? But you have to make that decision on your own.
written by nesa, 24 October, 2011
If only all women who are cheated will walk away with their sanity intake, then more men would be afraid to mess around. I wonder whats happened to men? There are tons of men cheating on their wives whereas women are more stable and loyal after marriage especially.Why blame hormones etc? All you wonderful women out there who are being cheated to death- lou lou and LM etc- please make a decent life for yourselves minus your partners.You will realize that living with decency is better than living with deceit.They dont deserve you one bit. They are a bunch of bullies who manipulate women for their own ends. I am also one of you and in the process of working out my escape route. Good luck all.
written by nesa, 24 October, 2011
Oh dear, HISMARLOW, you are yet another woman who believes all the lies the married guys tell you to get you into their embrace. Well good lick to you dearie. May the force be with you. Ah yes- I forgot-- YOUR man’s wife must have married him because she hated him and hated sex- that’s why he turned to you? Or did she find out and now hates him and hates sex? you decide in your little sweet kind hearted head okay?
written by get real, 26 October, 2011
I am in the same situation most women in their fifties find themselves in. You can be attractive, dynamic etc but the man has got roving eyes.He insults you in speech, action and emotionally. Suddenly, this man whom you thought loved you is suddenly off you. Now he has the money( with age comes the money that was always never there earlier when you and your kids needed it) and he feels powerful because he is a power FOOL. Too late . You did not know the guy could be such a creep. Don’t blame yourself. How would you know? Women are not clairvoyant! But they have inner instincts and they have god given abilities. Like they say- give it a six months no holds barred effort at winning him back. If he still cannot change, pack your bags , get a job, or use your pension. Make cakes and sell them- anything except live with this monster who is draining you of your dignity and making you feel lower than a worm.
Be happy – whichever way. BUT BE HAPPY.
written by Sallie Mae, 30 October, 2011
Yes, your husband is probably seeking companionship and sex outside of the marriage. Same thing happened to me. I have to say, with all of life’s many demands, I probably started to take him for granted. Our sex life diminished because I really just wanted to watch TV and not give my husband the attention and love he deserved.
He did so many chores around the house tat I found myself actually doing nothing around the house and grew to like it!
Needless to say my husband, easily found someone younger, prettier, better body and with a real sex drive and who could blame him? I defaulted on my responsibilities and so have you!
written by leavehim, 13 November, 2011
First confirm if he is cheating and then leave.Its better to learn to live without your husband than to live with him and his lies. Al this turmoil and doubts will eat you up and leave you broken. Save yourself and your children anymore pain. Once a cheater always a cheater.
written by ding dong, 14 November, 2011
Sallie mae, we women are not perfect angels. Yes . I too was happy not to have sex but i was available if he wanted it. But he was not bothered either( or so i thought). I too liked to watch TV. Dont men watch TV when they come home? At 8p. why should i still be slaving in the house. And if your man was not bringing the big bucks home or giving you what you want does that give you the right to cheat? Would you cheat? If your answer is "no" to both questions that creep of your husband has no right to cheat either but could have sat down and talked to you on what he wanted from you. He cant just up and go do what he likes cos he is such a " saint " doing all the chores and etc while you sat on your bum and watched TV.
written by whatcha gonna do?, 15 November, 2011
Hi Found out. Whatcha gonna do to that man of yours?
you got several options 1. leave him. ( that will ensure she will be punished adequately by having to take care of him completely) 2. Stay and reason with this juvenile delinquent who is just going through puberty in his old age( so sad to see such dumb old men trying to relive the past they never had) 3. Take all his toys and put it where it belongs... the dustbin. 4. Take all his toys and insist he does it with you( maximum damage to him)
Personally I will take the fourth option--- In fact i did and it worked. I am now his new gal-- enjoying all the stuff he got for her. I won him back , forgave him and turned the tables on the female cheat. I dug my claws into my own man!!!!!
written by whatcha gonna do, 19 November, 2011
Cornelia, I just read your mail again and I cant believe he wanted a threesome. Was he insane? Never heard of such a response from a man who is found out!!!
But i do understand how you feel- torn between love and hate. These two feelings are so close to each other.
If hate is eating you more than love- get out cos no one will thank you in the end for staying in a lousy situation and driving yourself crazy.
If love is more dominant and you are sure he is not cheating any more, i want you to make the relationship work by shifting your focus from the problem and making him more important. Get time together, flirt with him and make him feel special. That way , if he responds, you will have a new relationship. Its hard work but you might just succeed.
All the best to you.
written by Be Brave. Be Strong. Be a Woman!, 23 November, 2011
The best revenge is living well. Enjoy being single. Don’t crumble, keep focused, keep your head up high and revel in being the Captain of your own ship and master of your own destiny. Smile, eat well, exercise. You will reap the rewards that you deserve – happiness, piece and calm and a life full of fun and freedom! So Ladies, be brave, be strong and above all be a Woman :-)
written by hurting ghost, 27 November, 2011
I’m a 44 yr old mother of three boys my husband 42 who has a family owned funeral home. They hired a 22 yr old girl now 23 as an apprentice but moved into the funeral just three weeks of starting her job. My husband cheated on me with her took her to football games the same game my oldest son was at. He took her out a few times and went back to the funeral home and had sex. He said sex only happened once and she still lives and works at the funeral home. My husband says it was a mistake she is still there. I am alone 9o% of the time. I am 23 yrs older then she is.My father in law now takes her out to dinner he is 72 yrs old and takes her the next town over from mine for chinese food. I am now in therapy on antidepressants and weigh 114. I am hurt angry and the family wants me just to move on with our marriage. My husband said that she was pissed when he had ended it because she thought it was going to go further. What the hell am I going to do?
written by hurting ghost, 27 November, 2011
I just wanted to also say shouldn’t I confront her after all she is working at our family business, why the hell is she still there She does know that i know because I found her number in my husbands phone and texted her. If I was her and found out that the wife found out and told the entire family that I would pack and get the hell out of there and fast! Why is everyone protecting her when I am the victim?!
written by scars, 29 November, 2011
My husband had a short live affair at his work place, with a younger girl (edited out) smilies/smiley.gif. He lied about everything for months. Snuck around bought Viagra, claimed to have temporarily lost his mind and said he couldnt believe he did what he did. said he didnt even really like her, and remembered nothing but several months after his dirty dealings I find things like email account with "pictures" emails – texts (that he was saving) – an empty box of viagra hidden away, even thought apparently he didnt use any of it he "he threw it away" and kept the box and just decided to hide it in a panel inside the vehicle?!. It has been 9 months since the affair. I try to get through everyday feeling the way I do everyday. Nothing is the same. I wonder everyday am I capable of doing this?- or should I pack up my life and children 2yrs and 1yr (both very young) and leave. I’m so torn- my trust is gone, it’s hard to believe anything he says anymore. And HE cannot understand why! I am so untrusting and weirded out lol... what the hell is wrong with him o_O
would be so much easier if the answer would fall from the sky so I could just do it and get it over with.
written by Robotech, 10 December, 2011
I’m a man 40 years old, yes in this world exist any kind of people, mens that cheat and womans that cheat, but also exist loyalty mens and loyalty womans, don’t judge every man or woman in this world because some of them do it. I have problems at home right now with my wife, she don’t trust me for some things that happened that look like I’m cheating but I’m not. My advise communication is the clue, I know we need more communication to tell each other what we need, how much I love her and how much she loves me. Sometimes I cannot resist anymore all kind of questions and she’s always jealous for everything. But I love her very much and I don’t cheat on her because the society say it is wrong, I don’t cheat on her because I love her. We are trying to communicate more now to see if the things work better, letting her know how much I love her. If it don’t work I’m thinking to go to counseling, I don’t want to lose her. I hope it works because if it don’t work I know she’s going to opt for separation and it’s going to be hard for me if she leave me for something that never happen. I told her if she believe that I’m cheating on her, call me whenever you think I’m with somebody, follow me, go to my work to see if I’m there. It’s a shame for me to do those things but I want her to make sure that I don’t have somebody else. I don’t want to lose her for nothing, but she don’t trust me.
written by BananaOne, 21 December, 2011
My husband is on his third affair and although he thinks I do not know who she is, I have been able to have him followed, seeing him pick her up and travel to her place to engage in their activity. I have given him several chances to come clean and lately after he was really sick, vomiting non-stop, I hinted that he may have picked up a sexually transmitted infection to which he vehemently denied and got really upset. Given what I saw and suspect,I have refrain from any type of sexual activity for my own protection and am prepared to separate if his behavior does not change as I will not risk my health for a cheating jerk. It is very true that we women tend to love our spouses and sometimes ignore all the warning signs of betrayal-basically we are prepared to accept often what we know is true and feel helpless to act. In my case his affair with one of his family member, uncle’s wife, left us devastated and he accused me of trying to ruin her by exposing their affair, but had to come clean when I handed his mom the correspondence and other sordid details. When this came to light, he turned on me and started an affair with an old friend just for sex, so he says, but again a cheater never changes and I have never really believed anything he has said since then. He is now engaging sex with another person and started acting really weird when he comes home hiding his soiled underwear so as not to draw attention to his behavior but once again I am able to find all his dirt and have started making plans to get him out of the house as the kids are asking questions re his absences. Trust is not something we have anymore after 25 years of marriage and will never get back even if we try to make a go of the marriage.
written by heartbroken77, 22 December, 2011
I have recently found out my boyfriend ( 32 years old) of nearly 10 years has been having an affair with a 49 year old woman he works with. I work at the same place. I am 34 years old and worked there since i was 18. We have a 5 year old boy together. It all started about 15 months ago when a photo appeared on facebook of him at a party at her house, at this stage i was "friends" with her on facebook as she was also my co-worker, i questioned him about this photo and why he was at her house, he answered "went there for drinks nothing happened she’s a old woman!" i believed him. Then he started disappearing in the middle of the night for 2-3 hours and she was writing as her status " i wonder where she thinks he goes in the middle of the night?". I now know that was referring to me. That was a year ago, more recently i had hang up calls on my home phone line and i have caller id so i rang the number back and said " were you trying to ring my house?" at this stage i had no idea who it was, a woman replied " Not to speak to you!" i questioned my boyfriend on this and he tried telling me it was probably one of his mates girlfriends calling for his mate, i didnt believe this.. I took the mobile number to work and looked thru phone directory and sure enough i matched it to the 49yo mobile number. I confronted this woman at work and asked if she been calling my house she replies "yes i have", i asked "why?" she replied "none of your business" i said yes it is my business its my phone. I asked if she was trying to break my family up and that we have a little boy together she shrugged and smiled and said "so?" she then said " your not married to him" "check your phone records". I went home and checked my phone records on the computer, he had been dialing her number all year, all times of the morning. If i started work at 5am, he would call her 5 mins later. There were over 20 phone calls. There have been nights he hasnt come home from work and his excuse was he was at a mates house having a few beers. I have recently resigned from my job of 15 years as i cant bare to look at her. he is still living me with as i cannot afford the rent by myself ($340 week). I am completely shattered and torn up, he has told her he is not having anything to do with her anymore and he told me it was a big mistake and stupid. I cant get the images out of my mind of him having sex with this whore on my lounge while i was at work. i feel sick in my stomach every day and cant eat or sleep. I dont know what to do, im scared and feel like im having a breakdown.
written by Crystal Lynn, 31 December, 2011
Is there any way you can get a hold of his cell or computer?! Being his wife you should have access to EVERYTHING,even if you don’t work at the business!! I have been cheated on and cheated with a married man,which I’m not proud of and would take back if I could, anyhow....what I would do is call the hotel and say that you are so and so’s wife and the last time you stayed you think you might have left ......(makeup)something. Then ask if both your names are on the account at the hotel,cause whoever books it has to be on the account to redeem points threw the hotel, then you will now if its him or Bill.they will not open an account under your husbands name for Bill! And ,the whole story about your not working with him is B.S!! He is keeping you away for a reason! So,find out what that reason is! When its close to closing time park someplace close that you can see what’s going on after hours. Good Luck and God Bless! Just keep praying and he will show you the way!
written by Neverthesame, 08 January, 2012
Hey all you women that have lying SOB’s for husband’s, get a voice activated tape recorder, leave it where he hangs out a lot. I guarantee your suspicions will be confirmed! Mine were smilies/sad.gif
written by missing u so much, 15 February, 2012
To all the women who have and are still experiencing the hurt and pain that comes from a cheating husband. Be strong. I know what it feels like. The images that does not want to go away. the feeling of being betrayed. the sleepless nights. the hatred for the other peron. many of us have been there. for some, may i say if it is in God’s will. Listen to your husbands.See if your husband/partner is willing to give it another chance. If he has remorse for what he he has done. I was told "men" do not need a reason to cheat. for many, they still love their wives very dearly. And have made a mistake for which they are very sorry. is sad but they move on and carry on cheating FOREVER. be clear where your marriage/relationship is at.

I wish to be a help to (even if it is one life i save).
You see my husband cheated on me while i was pregnant. I was devastated. Thought i was going to die. I became depressed...and moved out. few days later after i found out about his affair. I gave birth to a beautiful girl.
My husband,... couldnt take what he had done to me and the baby. he sent me a text message all it said was "sori" and he then committed suicide. He only saw his daughter for 9 weeks. she is now 5 months old. and will never know her dad. If only he gave me more time to heal from his affair, i would have given him a second chance. because i loved him and still do. may his soul rest in peace. I am not saying to other women they have to accept their husbands affairs. If there is hope. Grab onto it. Be forgiving. Let God take vengeance on the wrong parties. Pray about your marriage/relationship. I wish you all much strength.
written by MEC......not stupid, 17 March, 2012
I found porn in his briefcase two Christmas’s ago after a year or more of him acting distant, cruel/mean, etc. He denied it all when I confronted him about an affair, said he bought the porn when we had intimacy issues and had forgotten about it. Prior to this he was on the phone in our bathroom at 4:30 am (Canadian time) every Wed morning and one night I caught him on the cell phone in our kitchen and he denied it and said he was talking to our dog, then went downstairs with the phone. I need help, he has denied anything/everything and I have asked a million times of an affair. It’s killing me. We have two kids (12 and 9). We live in a small eastern Canadian city, I just want the truth.....I wish it would come out. Someone has to know something, I just want answers, I’d be so grateful if someone knew something and would tell me. It’s awful suspecting and not having proof.
written by hewontletgo, 30 March, 2012
I have read all of your stories and feel compelled to tell mine. I am a woman who has been cheated on many times, first from my ex-husband (yes we divorced) and then from boyfriends. Recently i found myself unwittingly involved with a married man...It started when I took this new job, this man was very attractive and engaging he made me feel comfortable, being the woman i am I asked 3 times if he was married and each time he would tell me no, we started having coffee dates after work and one evening it went on to be more than just coffee, i had started suspecting he was married 1) we would only talk at work, there were no phone calls, text messages, emails 2) I would only see him at work, we didnt associate with each other outside of the workplace unless it was at my residence....2 major signs he was hiding something so i had a friend ask him again..he also told her no. Right before valentines day after having "coffee" he admitted he was married, I immediately asked him to leave and he did but it wasnt long before he was coming over again. I have told him we cant do this, that it isnt right, and have tried to end it with him several times but he wont let go, last week i discovered (through associates at work) that his wife had a baby...I was angry not only with myself but with him and I finally told him that enough was enough and that i was done, he had done nothing but lie to me from the beginning. My question how do i stay strong in my resolve to no longer be with this man.
written by Janna, 23 April, 2012
I have read most of the stories here, and I feel like I want to tell mine. As I do not have any friends who I could talk to about this, I thought it might help if I do it here, see if I can get some questions answered for myself. I recently found out that my husband is cheating on me. We are married for 12 years and have 2 daughters (twins) which adore their father. Our marriage has been having difficulties for some time now. Mostly it’s because after our twins were born all my attention went to them and I didn’t have much energy left to give my husband the care and attention he wanted. I am working full-time an doing most of the work around house, taking care of the kids ... I know it’s a weak excuse to neglect your husband, but I am really tired most of the time. My husband started to complain that he feels lonely and miserable, that he needs some attention and warms from me. More he complained more I got kind of fed up with him, more a thought: "Why don’t you just find someone to release your testosterone and get off my back". I thought I would be relieved if I knew he was having an affair, not a serious relationship though… just sex. Sometimes I questioned myself whether or not I still loved him. It never crossed my mind to be unfaithful to him though. I do not want to sound arrogant but I am more attractive as a woman than he is as a man. Before our twins were born we did quite some dancing (I mean actual dancing), we went together to lots of dance workshops all over the world and there were parties of course. I would turn down most of the invitations to dance from other men, so he wouldn’t feel … uncomfortable. I would give him a big smile so he would not pay attention to the looks on the faces of most of the man (and women) in the room saying “…what is the girl like you doing with guy like him?” I am not fantasizing this because someone literally asked me this question. Well you get the picture we had a great marriage once, but now I know he is having an affair with some Hungarian woman, who desperately needs someone to be able to stay in the country we live in. I suspect she is playing him. My husband is a very bad lire, and I know him too well so he can’t full me. I knew from the beginning he is having an affair (he doesn’t know that, I know). I just don’t understand my feelings, in a way I kind of wanted him to find somebody, but now that he did, WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH??? Is it the way I found it out that bothers me, would it be different if he just told me what is going on and would not lie to me like he does now… It’s so pathetic to watch him lie. I pretend, I believe him and don’t ask any questions not to make his life more miserable than it probably is now. I just do not understand my own feelings, I could leave him right now, but I don’t know if I want to or whether or not I should. I know when he wakes up from this dream he is in now it will hurt like hell and I pity on him. I know if I leave there is no coming back, there is no second chance. And ones who will suffer the most from this situation are the kids. I do not want to do this to them. Did anybody go through something like this? What did you do, if I may ask…
written by Won’t be a sucker again, 04 August, 2012
First, a word to "hismarlow"...
You are having an affair with a man who is lying to and cheating on his wife (his partner for life who he committed himself to with a marriage bond), yet you trust him when he tells you that his wife doesn’t give him any affection or is being unkind to him. Let me tell you that is what my husband told his girlfriend, his friends, and his family. How do I know this? Because I taped him talking to them. He did not tell his family about the affair. The reason he told them that he wanted a divorce was because "I was mistreating him and he couldn’t take it anymore." Well, the truth is it was completely the other way around, but he needed to tell his family some kind of reason why he wanted to divorce the woman that they had all come to love and respect and he didn’t want to tell them about the girlfriend so he demonized me to them (the same person he always said had no malice, was far too trusting, did not know how to stand up for myself). I guess he could not tell his girlfriend the truth that he had a sweet, completely devoted wife who had put with a lot from him. No, he had to tell his girlfriend that I was "mistreating him". So a word to any of those women who are having affairs with married men, bear in mind that if they lie to their wives and their family, then I guess lying to you to justify their behavior and perhaps even elicit your sympathy is an easy feat.
In the case of my husband, he is having an affair with a coworker 22 years my junior. It is about sex. He wants a lot of it and she’s giving it to him. This woman is desperate and he is taking advantage of this. She lives in the projects, is uneducated, was never married but has 3 children by different men, at least one of whom beat her up so badly that her bones her face and hand were broken. She sees him as her ticket out of the hell hole she is in.
Well, we are having a divorce and I will be happy to be rid of him at last. He has this affair for 4 years but now it appears that he may have had another one for even much longer. He was a difficult, selfish husband to say the least but most of all he was an imposter who constantly talked about how important honesty, family, trust are and how unimportant money is yet now this same man is set on taking my mother’s inheritance money in spite of the fact that the money that I brought into the marriage by salary, inheritance, gifts has always been far greater. He has apparently no scruples at all. I know my life will be better off without him but it is incredibly painful for me and for my children.
I read some pretty good online descriptions of narcissistic cheating husbands or borderline cheating husbands. My husband is somewhere in the middle but there is definitely a pathology. I think that one man’s comments about men needing respect above love is very relevant in the case of my husband. I think he definitely suffers from low self-esteem and that is why he chose the girlfriend he did. He needs to be able to feel better than and be able to push someone around. Well, I’m glad it is not me anymore. I don’t need a man. Hey, if I want one I know I can find a more honest one. Best of luck to all of you.
I’m going to work on taking care of myself for a change, enjoying my kids, and forgetting about the man who was just an actor.
written by aGuest, 19 November, 2012
"Once a cheat, always a cheat" holds true. I’ve seen many improved marriages, yet all that improved was the spouse’s ability to hide their next affair.

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