Past Comments – I think I caught my boyfriend cheating
Comments (25)
Dealing with pain
written by Expert, 03 January, 2007
written by Expert, 03 January, 2007
The end of any relationship can be a devastating experience. And many people avoid breaking-up in order to avoid the awful feelings that it causes. So, our best advice is to talk to a counselor in order to help you work through this experience. Taking a break will help you gain some perspective, hopefully allowing you to make decisions
that are in your best interest. Fear of breaking-up often prevents people from fixing problems that need to be addressed. We wish you the best...
written by Jen46, 04 January, 2007
Maria – is that your name? my name is Jennifer. You and I could be twins. I too was in a relationship very similar to yours. We did go to counseling and he did change and changed the very things that were a problem. I NEVER
NEVER thought I could get over the hurt he brought onto me from cheating. He went to counseling and I joined him a few times. Hearing from an outsider and understanding my feelings from a different perspective besides mine really helped.
We are together and its gotten a lot better. I am I can say ‘almost’ completely healed. It took a long time to heal though. For me it was four years, but he kept doing things that I felt were inappropriate – flirting, talking to
females on the phone – that would resurface his affair to me and would start the whole evil process over again. After counseling he finally ‘got’ it. That you can’t have your cake and eat it too and if I’m worth it – if your
worth it to this guy – he will change for you. If he won’t, then he wasn’t ever going to be a good husband to you – and would you want to be married to someone that isn’t worthy of you. I don’t. Sure, we’ve talked about
marriage, but I am in no hurry and perhaps a couple years from now, well maybe. We’ll just have to see. I hope I’ve helped. I know what your going through and its gut ripping. Time does help and hopefully you and your guy can see a
counselor that will help him see more clearly what he needs to see. YOU.
Jennifer
Jennifer
More on Caught my boyfriend cheating
written by Maria Monte, 04 January, 2007
written by Maria Monte, 04 January, 2007
Hi again, and thanks again.
Things are not improving much for me, although I appreciated the fact that at least he was courageous enough to give an ugly part of the truth, as much as it hurt to discover that he was the hunter. Do hunters change?
He appears to be ashamed (I use the word "appear" because I’m not sure of what I see anymore). He says he knows he acted like a fool, and that having been disastrously married twice, he wasn’t really sure of what he was doing by the time he started going out with me (although he made me believe he was). I guess he wanted the best of both worlds. But that frightens me... Can one just hunt for excitement at a given moment in his life, maybe because he is confused, or is there a great risk he will always be "confused" and thus hunt?
I asked him to leave his job and maybe get counseling together. I understand changing jobs is very, very difficult for him, as he currently has a good position as CEO. Is it fair for me to ask such thing? Would that help at this stage?
He’s even offered to put a house he owns in the country under my name (I never asked, he just came up with it), whether or not we get back together, as a sort of compensation and to give me a bit of financial security--he’s aware that leaving my job meant a big decrease in my income, which at the time I didn’t mind because my prospect was a nice dream and not this nightmare. In any case, material aspects are not the most important to me right now, even though I’m not in a very good situation.
Does all this really mean anything? Is he trying to buy me or to quiet his conscience? I just don’t know what I really feel or what I’m even supposed to feel anymore.
The cold blood in which he did and said things in the past have left me unable to see who he really is anymore. I don’t think he’s a compulsive liar or a cheater by nature, but again, maybe I prefer to think. Is he?
I’m very sad and upset. I forgot to say in my first letter that during all this time, I had been seeing a psychiatrist, but that didn’t seem to help. All he told me is that I should just forget about the whole thing and stick with him, because statistics said that most people cheat. Meanwhile I kept craving for the truth and popping all kinds of pills for anxiety because I just couldn’t manage to live, sleep or eat. To my surprise, he didn’t even realize he was the cause for all this until I told him a few days ago. I’m amazed at his lack of awareness or sympathy or whatever you may call it. I think he’s just now beginning to slightly understand the magnitude of what he did.
Any more advice as to where I should go from here?
Thanks again for being there.
Maria
Things are not improving much for me, although I appreciated the fact that at least he was courageous enough to give an ugly part of the truth, as much as it hurt to discover that he was the hunter. Do hunters change?
He appears to be ashamed (I use the word "appear" because I’m not sure of what I see anymore). He says he knows he acted like a fool, and that having been disastrously married twice, he wasn’t really sure of what he was doing by the time he started going out with me (although he made me believe he was). I guess he wanted the best of both worlds. But that frightens me... Can one just hunt for excitement at a given moment in his life, maybe because he is confused, or is there a great risk he will always be "confused" and thus hunt?
I asked him to leave his job and maybe get counseling together. I understand changing jobs is very, very difficult for him, as he currently has a good position as CEO. Is it fair for me to ask such thing? Would that help at this stage?
He’s even offered to put a house he owns in the country under my name (I never asked, he just came up with it), whether or not we get back together, as a sort of compensation and to give me a bit of financial security--he’s aware that leaving my job meant a big decrease in my income, which at the time I didn’t mind because my prospect was a nice dream and not this nightmare. In any case, material aspects are not the most important to me right now, even though I’m not in a very good situation.
Does all this really mean anything? Is he trying to buy me or to quiet his conscience? I just don’t know what I really feel or what I’m even supposed to feel anymore.
The cold blood in which he did and said things in the past have left me unable to see who he really is anymore. I don’t think he’s a compulsive liar or a cheater by nature, but again, maybe I prefer to think. Is he?
I’m very sad and upset. I forgot to say in my first letter that during all this time, I had been seeing a psychiatrist, but that didn’t seem to help. All he told me is that I should just forget about the whole thing and stick with him, because statistics said that most people cheat. Meanwhile I kept craving for the truth and popping all kinds of pills for anxiety because I just couldn’t manage to live, sleep or eat. To my surprise, he didn’t even realize he was the cause for all this until I told him a few days ago. I’m amazed at his lack of awareness or sympathy or whatever you may call it. I think he’s just now beginning to slightly understand the magnitude of what he did.
Any more advice as to where I should go from here?
Thanks again for being there.
Maria
Thank you, Jen
written by Maria Monte, 04 January, 2007
written by Maria Monte, 04 January, 2007
Jen,
Thank you for sharing your story with me. It does help. A lot. Because it gives me hope and something more to consider besides just obsessing over this whole thing. I’m glad your story is working out. I’m still not sure whether mine will. Still trying to decide if I really want to give him a chance. At least I am beginning to see clearly that if there is a way at all at this point, it can only be through counseling, because we cannot talk normally anymore. I’m too hurt and he feels attacked.
Thanks again to all and regards,
Maria
Thank you for sharing your story with me. It does help. A lot. Because it gives me hope and something more to consider besides just obsessing over this whole thing. I’m glad your story is working out. I’m still not sure whether mine will. Still trying to decide if I really want to give him a chance. At least I am beginning to see clearly that if there is a way at all at this point, it can only be through counseling, because we cannot talk normally anymore. I’m too hurt and he feels attacked.
Thanks again to all and regards,
Maria
Don’t
written by Tamara2, 06 January, 2007
written by Tamara2, 06 January, 2007
Don’t spend another day, week, or year tied to a liar. No matter what else he may be, he is a liar and a cheat. Yes, people make mistakes and people change as you yourself did. But how many times did the victim of your deceit
confront, accuse, and beg for the truth? And how many times did you dole out tiny warped pieces, or outright lies? Was your victim in the process of giving up and changing their entire life for you? Was it a one-night fling that you will
carry the shame from forever, or was an ongoing game that you enjoyed playing under the nose and behind the back of the one devoted to you? Maybe that seems harsh, but if you had done this to him and the roles were exactly reversed, would
you be irritated if he brought it up or asked you not to spend days at a time with adulteress who "threw himself" at you? Does he cry every day at what a shameful creature he is or tell you to get iver it? Basically, he owes you
more than a house. He owes you all the therapy bills, medical bills, loss of wages, and whatever else it takes to get your self esteem to the point that you don’t hesitate to tell him to go to hell where he belongs. Money does not buy you
the right to treat people like idiots. And no I’m not a bitter man-hater. I’m happily married for 12 years with three children and My husband has never cheated and I snoop always. But he knows that so much as a kiss and its over, because
I hold myself to the same standard. I feel for you but you have the power to be happy.
Second Chance
written by Cynthia K, 08 January, 2007
written by Cynthia K, 08 January, 2007
I want to Thank you for your post, as sad as it is to read stories about cheaters. I really hope everything works out for the best. I believe there is a reason for everything. I can relate to your situation. I won’t go in to it. I
think people deserve second chances. Counseling is a wise idea.
Our stories re so much alike
written by Mayra, 08 January, 2007
written by Mayra, 08 January, 2007
I want to thank you for writing that story. I am experiencing the same thign right now. Let me give you a recap. I have never been a jealous person. I never check up on him, never check his cell phone bill (and I am the one who
handles sending the bills) I never thingk twice about where he is or why he get’s out of work later because his schedule is not a set one. But two days ago I was going through his cell phone and I saw this nukber that just didn’t seem
right and I called it. I was not going to talk I justwanted to hear the voice on the other end. To my surprise it was a message that said her name and that person was his ex girlfriend was highschool! My herart dropped. I helt like
everything in my life had changed completely. I was no longer the same. If the calls were only incoming it would not have been a problem but he was also calling her. I cannot imagine what he needs to be talking to someone for 120 minutes
about.The calls were made on sundays, in the daytime while he was working, weekday evenings while I am at work. The ones in the morning were made while I was in school. How did she know my whole schedule? When he came home I was not going
ot ask because my only evidence was a cell phone bill, but I could not wait. I asked if he had anything to tell me and he said no, I asked how long had he been talkign to her and he said 2 months. I was appalled nt only becaue he kept
this from me, but because if the situation had been reversed he would have flipped, even kick me out. He said it was nothing that he talked toher because he felt sorry for her, that her life was a mess and he felt in a sense like it was
his fault. Was I suppose to be sorry for her? He said that if anything was going on he would be trying to hide the bill cause he knows I see them, and that he would have told her to block the number, in other words that he had nothing to
hide so he didn’t try. But yet if he ahd nothign to hide he would not have kept it from me right? He said that the worst thing about this is that I am going to lose his trust and we are going to start having problems. I had decided that I
was going cancel and the bills and take my name off the bank card, and move out today and just leave him a note. But now I am having second thoughts. I am not sure that he cheated but who can guarantee that he didn’t? I can’t ask him
because obviously he cannot be trusted, and I can’t ask her becaue dhe’ll probably say what ever he wants her to say. I am so hurt because I lost something. I lost the piece of mind that helped me live worry free. How can Iever get that
back.I started to feel selft hatred for myself. I have been in the self hatred mode before and I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t deserve to be. I do everythign for him. I do allthe cooking, all the cleaning, the laundry, the
shopping, the errands, we have great intimacy. I just don’t see where I went wrong. I don’t know what I am going to do, but I will tell you one thing, I am not going to live for the rest of my life checking up and wondering whether he is
talking to her or with her.
to mayra
written by MMonte, 08 January, 2007
written by MMonte, 08 January, 2007
Mayra,
Consider this: if they had been seeing each other, maybe they would have done so at the times the calls were made instead of just talking.
I know that the fact that he did it behind your back is most disturbing, but maybe it was, yes, just talk. I sometimes talk to ex partners, usually not in front of my current partner because I know he wouldn’t be amused, and occasionally I even go out to lunch with one in particular (once a year maybe?). But I always let him know about it, because there’s nothing to hide. Of course, every case is different.
It is true guys can be so inconsiderate, or rather stupid I should say, as to not to hide the evidence of an infidelity. But this may not be your case.
Calm down and think, can he account for most of the time he’s away from home? Try to find out her work schedule and then figure out the opportunities they may have had.
Try to put the pieces together first and see it they fit; without being too negative, listen to your gut feeling also. It is usually very clear. It may also help to listen to his version afterwards, see if it makes sense.
In others words: whatever you decide, let it be based on something real. Otherwise you may also have regrets later.
If, after all, you decide to go on, make sure you let him know clearly how this makes you feel, set things straight and set some rules that you can both live by--including sharing house chores. You don’t need to be doing everything for him! Some people would even advise confronting the girl (without losing your composure, never, and try to rise above the situation), inviting her to call while you’re at home, or even come to see you both if there’s nothing to hide, see what happens.
I’m not saying that you to do it, but the possibility is there.
There’s a saying in my country that would translate as follows: "Better once red in the face than a hundred times yellow" which means more or less, when there’s an obstacle get rid of it at once!
Good luck.
Consider this: if they had been seeing each other, maybe they would have done so at the times the calls were made instead of just talking.
I know that the fact that he did it behind your back is most disturbing, but maybe it was, yes, just talk. I sometimes talk to ex partners, usually not in front of my current partner because I know he wouldn’t be amused, and occasionally I even go out to lunch with one in particular (once a year maybe?). But I always let him know about it, because there’s nothing to hide. Of course, every case is different.
It is true guys can be so inconsiderate, or rather stupid I should say, as to not to hide the evidence of an infidelity. But this may not be your case.
Calm down and think, can he account for most of the time he’s away from home? Try to find out her work schedule and then figure out the opportunities they may have had.
Try to put the pieces together first and see it they fit; without being too negative, listen to your gut feeling also. It is usually very clear. It may also help to listen to his version afterwards, see if it makes sense.
In others words: whatever you decide, let it be based on something real. Otherwise you may also have regrets later.
If, after all, you decide to go on, make sure you let him know clearly how this makes you feel, set things straight and set some rules that you can both live by--including sharing house chores. You don’t need to be doing everything for him! Some people would even advise confronting the girl (without losing your composure, never, and try to rise above the situation), inviting her to call while you’re at home, or even come to see you both if there’s nothing to hide, see what happens.
I’m not saying that you to do it, but the possibility is there.
There’s a saying in my country that would translate as follows: "Better once red in the face than a hundred times yellow" which means more or less, when there’s an obstacle get rid of it at once!
Good luck.
I link too
written by Radiance, 13 January, 2007
written by Radiance, 13 January, 2007
I fell in love with a guy who was 5 yrs old than I m. Believed all his ridiculous lies, but as every other liar he left a spot in every story he made up.
He got my number from God Knows Who and said he wants to be friends. Said his gf had died 3 yrs back in France. I believed that too. He was being very nice and everything but I always wondered if he had bet with his fellows or whatever, but that was impossible as I just had bought this number.
As fate would have it then, he crushed my soul by being a complete idiot and I was fooling myself that he really does love me.
And then on 28 Nov last yr a guy from his side finally told me everything including that his gf isn’t alive and he loves her a lot and he is crazy for her. And by that time I already knew I was going to find out some shit like this. I was shattered to pieces and couldn’t eat or drink anything for days.. All I kept saying was he is going to suffer so bad in future for playing with my heart and nearly my life, because I never spoke to any random guy like that and he was the one I chose above the rest.
And Maria please remember this.. Once a liar, always a liar. He lied to you in the beginning and then gave you the half-truth thinking that you would buy it. But you come across as a "Give me no bs" type of person and he knew he can’t put anything across you so he had to step back and give you the whole story. The guy on my side is a pathological liar. Never gave me the whole truth and was obliged to lie about each and everything.
And yes he is trying to make up for what he did to you by monetary benefits, as if that would really do any good to your loss. You don’t give in to all this bull because what happened today is still minute as the major problems that could occur tomorrow if you have even a single of your hopes up for this guy.
Also, you shouldn’t have asked him to give up his job at that place because no matter what that won’t solve the issue. If he wants to then he would go and see his 12 yr old co-worker anywhere else. They might again end up in a motel and that would make you feel even worse about yourself this time because you didn’t do anything to deserve this.
Hmm, perhaps the saying I made up after my experience could fit here.. Always give second chances, they teach you a better lesson. But just as bad.
Take care of yourself!
..A [broken] teen..
He got my number from God Knows Who and said he wants to be friends. Said his gf had died 3 yrs back in France. I believed that too. He was being very nice and everything but I always wondered if he had bet with his fellows or whatever, but that was impossible as I just had bought this number.
As fate would have it then, he crushed my soul by being a complete idiot and I was fooling myself that he really does love me.
And then on 28 Nov last yr a guy from his side finally told me everything including that his gf isn’t alive and he loves her a lot and he is crazy for her. And by that time I already knew I was going to find out some shit like this. I was shattered to pieces and couldn’t eat or drink anything for days.. All I kept saying was he is going to suffer so bad in future for playing with my heart and nearly my life, because I never spoke to any random guy like that and he was the one I chose above the rest.
And Maria please remember this.. Once a liar, always a liar. He lied to you in the beginning and then gave you the half-truth thinking that you would buy it. But you come across as a "Give me no bs" type of person and he knew he can’t put anything across you so he had to step back and give you the whole story. The guy on my side is a pathological liar. Never gave me the whole truth and was obliged to lie about each and everything.
And yes he is trying to make up for what he did to you by monetary benefits, as if that would really do any good to your loss. You don’t give in to all this bull because what happened today is still minute as the major problems that could occur tomorrow if you have even a single of your hopes up for this guy.
Also, you shouldn’t have asked him to give up his job at that place because no matter what that won’t solve the issue. If he wants to then he would go and see his 12 yr old co-worker anywhere else. They might again end up in a motel and that would make you feel even worse about yourself this time because you didn’t do anything to deserve this.
Hmm, perhaps the saying I made up after my experience could fit here.. Always give second chances, they teach you a better lesson. But just as bad.
Take care of yourself!
..A [broken] teen..
What can you believe
written by samestory, 02 February, 2007
written by samestory, 02 February, 2007
I am in a very similar situation now. I have been with someone for 3 years and if you look at our lives, he is with my every night. He adores me and is always telling me how much he loves and wants to spend his life with me. Recently,
I have had two phone calls from two different woman that said they were having an affair with him. They showed my emails and knew specific details about things in his life. He totally denies having a any relationship with them while he
was with me but says they are past loves that are obviously scorned. I actually believe him more than them because like I said, he is with me every night and takes me on trips that he could of taken with any of them. I just don’t get it.
I think he truly loves me but is someone who can’t stay faithful. Oh, yeah, I did find out that he cheated on his wife. I tried many many times to leave because I too, can’t sleep, eat, or be without him. I am actually more miserable
without him so I think I convinced myself I am better off with him. I am not healthy and am trying to have more respect for myself. My heart tells me he didn’t cheat but the phone calls and the emails tell me all.
Me Too
written by InPain, 06 February, 2007
written by InPain, 06 February, 2007
After reading all the above, I really feel like crying. I am in the same situation as samestory and the others – evidence of his infidelity but he makes excuses and reasons (which does not sync) or too extraordinary, and denies
everything else that I have no evidence of. He insists that they are just friends, refuses to stop contact with her (got into really major fights about that), turns the blame around and accuses me for infringing his privacy (that’s why he
does not leave his phone, and if he does he turns it off, he has it password protected and not tell me what the password is although in the past he used to get me to answer his calls, same for his e-mails). But at the end of the day I’d
rather kid myself because I believe that I will be more miserable without him than with him. We’ve been married almost 13 years. I have tried several times to leave but it hurt too much. Once I even seriously considered killing myself
when I wanted to leave him. That was when I told myself that it would be worse if I left. So now I am living in denial, each time thoughts or suspicions come up I just block them off and push them aside and tell myself that nothing is
happening. But from the time I awake till the time I go to bed I am in pain. My heart is crying, but he does not know and I think he does not care. He just wants a wife who does not give him more stress than he is already under. His
stress is also his "reason for not wanting to sleep with me.... Damned if you do (leave him) damned if you don’t (leave him)....
written by PW, 15 April, 2007
Your stories are all eye openers. I found this website to be very helpful. I am a man who has been hurt also. The woman I am involved with is close to my age and tells me she doesn’t know what she wants. But she will also tell me she
Loves Me? We have been to counseling together and stopped,as the counselor was not focused on the core of her problem. Her fears! She says she wants a commitment, but on her terms and when she is ready. We have been told by a lot of
people to break up and move on. I do love her very much and have been there for her though thick and thin situations. Do you have any comments?
written by Yana, 04 October, 2007
Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. My bf had been a liar, so was I. But we talked it out though at some point we do argue a lot about it sometimes, but things rollin’, we learning. I was a flirt before I met him. He lied to me about
‘just broke off with my gf’, causing me to be somehow looked upon as the 3rd party and I felt cheated as along the way I suspected he and his gf are back together whilst with me. I never lie to him as I find it hard to come up with
stories to cover my act. But he will never accept my way of living life before him. Your bf repented or so you thought – give it another shot without thinking back what he had done to you etc. Put it behind you and start anew.
written by K-Babe, 19 November, 2007
Okay, Gals... (and Guy)
I have found this website because I wanted to research how to discover if one’s partner was cheating. It was very interesting to read the first (Maria’s?) story. Maria, if it were me... I would have left the guy. Maria, leave the guy. No guy is worth the torment and trauma of loosing ones self. No guy; nor no relationship.
You appear to be an educated woman by your writing abilities. You have analyzed your situation, however, you are emotionally stuck, and that is normal and understandable.
While you may become bored, or be lonely for a while, this guy is not worth it. He did sleep with this woman while with you; from what you wrote – it is black and white to me.
The reason I have researched this site for myself – if I have discovered what you had discovered; I would not hesitate, I would leave the guy. Your self respect is not worth it.
For the others who have posted on this site. I do understand your compassion; and I hold the same. However, you are settling! Why do it?? Why are you staying?
I do know why. It is because of trauma and bonding. However, tell yourselves the truth and get out. Try to, one day – feel the power, be on top, and just flatly state: I can’t do this with you any longer. I love you, but I need more. And then – be done.
There are many things you can do in life in which you can find pleasure until a faithful person comes along. You can watch a great DVD, talk to a trusted friend, go shopping, shop for new dates online and get some self-esteem, go to a bookstore, buy a pet, etc..
You don’t need him to be you and to be complete!
If I knew that there was ANYTHING between my man and another – that would be IT!
LEAVE! and find peace.... You can do it.
I have found this website because I wanted to research how to discover if one’s partner was cheating. It was very interesting to read the first (Maria’s?) story. Maria, if it were me... I would have left the guy. Maria, leave the guy. No guy is worth the torment and trauma of loosing ones self. No guy; nor no relationship.
You appear to be an educated woman by your writing abilities. You have analyzed your situation, however, you are emotionally stuck, and that is normal and understandable.
While you may become bored, or be lonely for a while, this guy is not worth it. He did sleep with this woman while with you; from what you wrote – it is black and white to me.
The reason I have researched this site for myself – if I have discovered what you had discovered; I would not hesitate, I would leave the guy. Your self respect is not worth it.
For the others who have posted on this site. I do understand your compassion; and I hold the same. However, you are settling! Why do it?? Why are you staying?
I do know why. It is because of trauma and bonding. However, tell yourselves the truth and get out. Try to, one day – feel the power, be on top, and just flatly state: I can’t do this with you any longer. I love you, but I need more. And then – be done.
There are many things you can do in life in which you can find pleasure until a faithful person comes along. You can watch a great DVD, talk to a trusted friend, go shopping, shop for new dates online and get some self-esteem, go to a bookstore, buy a pet, etc..
You don’t need him to be you and to be complete!
If I knew that there was ANYTHING between my man and another – that would be IT!
LEAVE! and find peace.... You can do it.
written by Regina, 11 March, 2008
My story can sort of relate to yours.
The relationship my husband & I had started out wonderfully. Then later, I had to find out how he was having an affair with a "friend" of his. He then after left me & my two kids. It was about 2 1/2 years of ongoing depression. What I did was go counseling. I felt I wanted to die, until two years ago, I started getting better from the counseling.
You have to do something before it is too late for you. You have to love yourself more than you love others... for this time only! Leave him, I know it hurts to even read it worded... but make a change now. Later you’ll realize how it was the right decision.
I feel for you..... the pain I felt, the trust that he sucked on day by day with his suspiciousness... Although it’s all over now, I still feel no trust left in me for other people.
Believe me, the best you can do for yourself, is leave him. Don’t punish yourself with someone like him just because of what you did in your past. You already paid for it, you aren’t with him anymore.. Am I right?? So, please, listen, I am here to support, not to control your next moves. DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS THE RIGHT THING.... Your heart tells you to leave him, because of all the evidence you found.
Dear, I will have you in my prayers!
-Regina
The relationship my husband & I had started out wonderfully. Then later, I had to find out how he was having an affair with a "friend" of his. He then after left me & my two kids. It was about 2 1/2 years of ongoing depression. What I did was go counseling. I felt I wanted to die, until two years ago, I started getting better from the counseling.
You have to do something before it is too late for you. You have to love yourself more than you love others... for this time only! Leave him, I know it hurts to even read it worded... but make a change now. Later you’ll realize how it was the right decision.
I feel for you..... the pain I felt, the trust that he sucked on day by day with his suspiciousness... Although it’s all over now, I still feel no trust left in me for other people.
Believe me, the best you can do for yourself, is leave him. Don’t punish yourself with someone like him just because of what you did in your past. You already paid for it, you aren’t with him anymore.. Am I right?? So, please, listen, I am here to support, not to control your next moves. DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS THE RIGHT THING.... Your heart tells you to leave him, because of all the evidence you found.
Dear, I will have you in my prayers!
-Regina
written by NOT4 ME, 22 March, 2008
Wow- this whole web- page is me... My boyfriend has been cheating on me for over 4 years... this last time over the weekend. His daughter told me. Why I stayed I’m not sure... but this was the last. No fight left in me. The last 2
post are great and I really felt like they help... like one said I will never know THE truth... he lies all the time. I have been made a fool of for the last time. We have a baby together – she is 1 1/2 so it might make it harder...
but it did help reading this tonight. 5:30 AND I’AM STILL NOT ASLEEP... I AM SURE HE SLEEPING JUST FINE...
written by Disappointed, 06 May, 2008
You know the saying that a cheetah never changes its spots. If he lied the first time then he will do it again. You can keep believing and you will keep finding evidence that he has lied and betrayed you. If you heard the story from
another woman could you possibly believe that her boyfriend is being faithful and that he will never betray her again? I am not so naive. I was dating a man for about a month during which many suspicious things happened, and he explained
all of them away. But when his ex-girlfriend, who stopped calling him for a week and suddenly called him on the day that he was supposed to be "occupied" all afternoon I stopped believing him. I don’t claim to be a "human
lie detector" but I am very good at reading quick flashes of expression on a person’s face (I test at 80-90% accuracy). Because I trust myself more than anyone else in this world I decided to break up with him. Now we are friends and
I have never regretted this decision. If you are in a long-term relationship it is much more difficult and the desire to stay is much stronger, but once again a cheetah doesn’t change its spots overnight. Figure out what kind of person
your partner is--was he cheating because his needs weren’t being met in the relationship or was he cheating because he is a compulsive cheater?
written by raj, 30 September, 2008
Maria,
I have been through a similar situation. The only and best advice I can give you is, "let him go". What makes you think a 50 year old man that has been married twice is going to be faithful to you. He set a great example of his true self for you. A good man in his fifties should be a good husband and father that has a stable family. Not a man who thinks he still 20 years old or a man who has fathered children with different women and married more than once. If you continue to be with him, you will only be another ex wife.
I have been through a similar situation. The only and best advice I can give you is, "let him go". What makes you think a 50 year old man that has been married twice is going to be faithful to you. He set a great example of his true self for you. A good man in his fifties should be a good husband and father that has a stable family. Not a man who thinks he still 20 years old or a man who has fathered children with different women and married more than once. If you continue to be with him, you will only be another ex wife.
written by EBE, 31 January, 2009
IM IN A SIMILAR SITUATION. TWO YEARS AGO I GAVE A 55 YEAR OLD MAN (I WAS 28 years old) ANOTHER CHANCE AFTER I FOUND A NAKED PIC IN HIS PHONE. I KNEW THE PIC WAS FROM HIS EX BECAUSE SHE SENT IT TO HIM AND I KNOW HER NAME. THIS WAS
AFTER I ALREADY TOLD HIM MORE THAN COUPLE OF TIMES THAT I DIDNT LIKE THE FACT THAT HE NEVER ANSWERED HIS PHONE WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER AND HE NEVER LET ME LOOK AT IT. I TOLD HIM THAT I WILL NOT SPEND ANY TIME WITH HIM IF HE’S STILL INVOLVED
WITH HIS EX. HE SAID THAT THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN THEM AND BECAUSE THIS WAS OUR THIRD MONTH TOGETHER I DECIDED TO FORGET ABOUT IT. FIVE MONTHS LATER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT HE GETS A TEXT MESSAGE. I MADE HIM READ IT IN FRONT OF ME. IT
WAS HIS EX AGAIN. THIS TIME SHE SAID "IM ALONE IN BED, I MISS YOU AND IM HORNY". SINCE I WAS SPENDING THE NIGHT AT HIS HOUSE, I JUST HAD TO LEAVE. HE CRIED AND BEGGED ME TO STAY FOR TWO HOURS BUT I COULDNT EVEN TALK TO HIM, I
WAS SO UPSET. HE WAS SAYING THAT SHE DID IT TO MAKE ME MAD AND DENIED ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH HER. RIGHT BEFORE I PUSHED HIM AWAY AND LEFT, I ASKED HIM TO CALL HER AND LET ME LISTEN. OF COURSE HE DID NOT...HE SAID THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
WHO SHE LIVES WITH AND HE DIDNT WANT TO START ANY TROUBLE. WHAT ABOUT ME?!!!? AFTER I LEFT HIS PLACE THAT NIGHT (3AM) I WAS READY TO MOVE ON AND FORGET ABOUT HIM BECAUSE AT THAT TIME WE HAVE NOT BEEN TOGETHER THAT LONG (NOT EVEN A YEAR).
HE WOULD NOT LET ME SLEEP, CALLING ME 24/7, I HAD TO TURN MY PHONE TO SILENT AT NIGHT. WE WORK TOGETHER AND IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT NOT TO SEE HIM THERE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS THE ONE LOOKING FOR ME ALL THE TIME. HE CONTINUED TO CALL
AND LOOK FOR ME FOR 2 MONTHS. I DIDNT NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS. WHENEVER I SENT A TEXT TO HIM, IT WAS A NASTY RESPONSE TO HIS CRIES............HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS, ASKED TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM AND BECAUSE HE WAS SO PERSISTENT FOR TWO MONTHS
I (THE IDIOT) GAVE HIM YET ANOTHER CHANCE. THIS TIME I TOLD HIM THAT IF I EVER FIND A TEXT, PIC, OR A PHONE CALL FROM HER I WILL LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK TO HIM. HE SEEMED SO HAPPY AND APPRECIATIVE THAT I EVEN GAVE HIM 5 MIN. I THOUGHT
THINGS WOULD IMPROVE AND THAT WE WERE JUST GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME AS MANY DO AT THE BEGINNING.....BUT I WAS ALWAYS SUSPICIOUS WHICH HE DID NOT LIKE. EVEN THOUGH THINGS WERE NOT PERFECT (I HAD A FEELING THAT HE WAS AFTER ONE OF THE
WOMEN AT WORK, I STILL HAD HOPE FOR US. IM A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN, HAVE A CAREER, NEVER MARRIED, NO KIDS. I THOUGHT THAT HE WOULDNT MAKE A MISTAKE LIKE BEFORE AND RISK LOSING ME. HOW WRONG WAS I.....ONE OF MY FRIENDS AT WORK TOLD ME THAT
SHE DIDNT KNOW HOW SERIOUS THINGS WERE BETWEEN US BUT SHE WANTED TO TELL ME THAT HE IS A DOG, ASKS WOMEN OUT ALL THE TIME AND HE EVEN TRIED TO TAKE MY FRIEND OUT. SHE DIDNT. I KNOW SHE DOES NOT LIKE HIM, SHE SAID HE’S TOO OLD FOR HER. I
CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT. HE DENIED IT ALL. HE ASKED ME NUMEROUS TIMES WHO TOLD ME THE STORY. I DIDNT WANT TO TELL HIM BUT AFTER A WEEK OF ARGUING I TOLD HIM IT WAS JEN. NEXT TIME HE WENT TO WORK HE TOLD MY FRIEND THAT HE IS MY BF AND HE’S
IN LOVE WITH ME, WHY IS SHE TRYING TO BREAK US UP? LATER HE TOLD ME THAT SHE PROBLY WANTS HIM FOR HER. I KNEW THAT SHE DOES NOT AND AT THAT POINT I WANTED TO FIND OUT WHO IS HE AFTER AT WORK. LAST WEEK AT WORK, TO HIS SURPRISE, I
ACCIDENTALLY WALKED IN ON SOMETHING.....HE WAS BY THE ELEVATOR WITH THE WOMAN I THOUGHT HE WAS WITH BUT DIDNT WANT TO BELIEVE BECAUSE SHE IS NOT ON MY LEVEL AND I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD GO THAT LOW. I SAW THEM LAUGHING AND HOLDING HANDS. AS
SOON AS HE SAW ME HE WALKED AWAY FROM HER AND TOWARD ME AND SHE JUST TURNED AROUND AND WALKED AWAY WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. I PUSHED HIM AWAY AND DIDNT LET HIM TAKE THE ELEVATOR WITH ME TO THE 5TH FLOOR. 5 MIN LATER, ON MY WAY OUT I HEARD
THE TWO TALKING. HE SAID "SHE SAID THAT SHE SAW US TOGETHER", SHE REPLIED " SHE DIDNT SEE ANYTHING, THERE WAS NOTHING TO SEE". I KEPT O WALKING TO EXIT. WHEN HE FINALLY SAW ME HE SAID SOMETHING STUPID. I CALLED HIM A
JERK FOR DOING THIS TO ME AND TALKING ABOUT OUR BUSINESS TO WOMEN LIKE HER. I WAS NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT HE WAS SAYING TO ME AND FLIPPED A BIRD. I RAN AWAY FROM HIM. I HATE HIM AND DONT WANT TO LISTEN TO HIS EXCUSES AND
STORIES. OH AND DID I MENTION THAT HE PROPOSED TO ME IN NOV 08 AND BOUGHT ME A RING, THATS HOW SERIOUS HE IS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER BE WITH HIM AGAIN BUT IT STILL HURTS. WRITING THIS HELPED A LOT.....MY FRIENDS
TOLD ME THAT HE WAS NO GOOD LONG TIME AGO BUT I DIDNT LISTEN. IT’S BEEN 6 DAYS SINCE THAT INCIDENT AND HE HAS NOT CONTACTED ME. IM TRYING TO BE STRONG.....
written by BaileyC., 19 August, 2009
You so deserve better than that.
You must be having a tough time letting go, you need to find something else that makes you happy. Or someone else. I have a dog to help me with my troubles. Animals are the one things that never cheat, lie, stab you in the back, etc...
You must be having a tough time letting go, you need to find something else that makes you happy. Or someone else. I have a dog to help me with my troubles. Animals are the one things that never cheat, lie, stab you in the back, etc...
written by kea, 19 January, 2011
forget him! the mind games are a waste of beautiful joyful life. get a grip and forget about the promised money.. i bet that will never happen. just start over again. don’t be afraid.
written by so confused, 14 June, 2011
reading this piece and comments made me even more confused than i already am.
i need help to find out if im just being paranoid or there is something to worry about.
we have been together for more than a year now. both got together after horrid past relationships. he has always been there for me and me for him. recently i found out that he lied to me about being in contact with one of his ex girlfriends. and when i told him i knew he was lying he was mad at me for "invading his privacy", which was my fault for doing so in the first place. but i just wanted to be sure. after the whole incident everything was fine. and when recently this girl in his office seemed a little off. they would communicate via sms and calls. according to him, he felt that they could talk and whenever he is bored he turns to her. she is 4 years his senior. just a few days back i was looking through his phone and saw msgs on his phone from her. of how she is turned on by him and when is the next time. (next time meaning what i have no idea) and the next msg stating that he should remember to delete the msgs. when i confronted him he denied everything. saying that this girl has a tendency of sending msgs to the wrong person. and that he has spoken to her about it. i called her up and she denied him speaking to her about this and that she never sent msgs to him. i was not convinced so i met up with her, and she was saying that the msgs were not meant for him but for her bf instead. im so confused as i do not know if he really has something going on with her or not. since he is acting very agitated and aggressive when i talk about it.
can someone please help me?
i need help to find out if im just being paranoid or there is something to worry about.
we have been together for more than a year now. both got together after horrid past relationships. he has always been there for me and me for him. recently i found out that he lied to me about being in contact with one of his ex girlfriends. and when i told him i knew he was lying he was mad at me for "invading his privacy", which was my fault for doing so in the first place. but i just wanted to be sure. after the whole incident everything was fine. and when recently this girl in his office seemed a little off. they would communicate via sms and calls. according to him, he felt that they could talk and whenever he is bored he turns to her. she is 4 years his senior. just a few days back i was looking through his phone and saw msgs on his phone from her. of how she is turned on by him and when is the next time. (next time meaning what i have no idea) and the next msg stating that he should remember to delete the msgs. when i confronted him he denied everything. saying that this girl has a tendency of sending msgs to the wrong person. and that he has spoken to her about it. i called her up and she denied him speaking to her about this and that she never sent msgs to him. i was not convinced so i met up with her, and she was saying that the msgs were not meant for him but for her bf instead. im so confused as i do not know if he really has something going on with her or not. since he is acting very agitated and aggressive when i talk about it.
can someone please help me?
written by written by DanaLeigh, 5 October, 2011, 05 October, 2011
It feels as if I have written every one of these letters or we have one heck of an ESP ring started here. LOL. I just turned 54 in march and the lying, cheating piece of crap that I’m stuck with for the moment just turned 52. I was so
in love with him when I was just out of High School but we went our separate ways and each married someone else. I lost track of him totally for about 24 years and then he showed up at a store I had been working at for almost a year. I
was in the process of trying to get a divorce from the man I had been married to for all those years. Couldn’t stay with him another day. Anyway the man of my dreams had come back into my life. Or so I thought. He had me coming to see and
be with him almost every day. I was beginning to think I was buying stock in all the motels at that time. He also was the big wig overseeing a bug oil trust so he definitely wasn’t hurting for money. He told me to hang in with him and
give him at least 1 year before he left his wife or she would take him to the cleaners and he wasn’t having that. So I begrudging agreed. As things were he treated me like a queen. He bought me a wonderful vehicle to drive, paid for my
divorce, took me out to all the fancy places I had never gotten to go before and wined and dined me, bought me diamond rings and jewelry. Was always giving me money to just spend on my self. He always said he loved me more than life and
was never going to lose me again. well that was 8 lie filled years ago and about (hang on a sec and let me count) {Kim-Still The Wife-55, Simone-35,Nadene-33,Shannon-32,Nora-26,Rita-31,and little ole me-54 bringing up the rear. I just
keep a low profile and try to stay out of sight hoping to blend in with background. have tried leaving soooooo many times but all the money and gifts came at a high price. He is more like a loan shark than anything now. I have soooo much
stored on my/his computer now it is unbelievable. E-mails, photos, even videos of them in the motels doing it. And he has rented a couple of apartments for his 2 youngest and favorite ones. They also both got a very expensive corvette
like sports car for about 80,000.00 but yes I know in the beginning I got a vehicle too. Hmmmm, mine I loved at the time but is about on its last wheel so to speak. I got a 1999 Suburban for 10,000.00. Think I got just a weeeeee bit short
changed. Oh well and the lies and denials are UNBELIEVABLE... I just don’t answer my phone anymore and its getting to the 1 visit per week for me. Have also noticed that things aren’t so great in teen-land either. Now they seem to be
feuding too. To point I just don’t care anymore. Just keep hoping and praying that I FINALLY will blend into wood-work and disappear. I also make this solemn oath. Once I finally do get free,,,, I will Never, Never, Ever get involved with
another Lying, Cheating, Taking up Valuable Space, Sucking Up All The Good Air Piece Of S__t Man Ever Again. Thank You All Out There Ever So Much For Simply Letting Me VENT ALL THOSE YEARS OUT OF MY SYSTEM.... Oh YEAHHHHH,,, I feel sooooo
much better now. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You For the first time.... I got it out with Absolutely NO Tears... Wonderful
written by No more the fool, 11 January, 2013
– he was up and coming in his company. What I learned is the more money a man makes, he learns he can ‘buy’ women...jewelry, luxury spa days, dinners, clothes, etc. It’s a game for them. The top guys play it and compete with one
another. He said all the right things. Proposed with a very expensive ring. Added my name to his bank accounts. Eventually they trip up. I became suspicious...ah, he was very slick! When he treated me monthly to a spa day...what I later
learned while I was enjoying my he, so was he, with other women. Then he did the same for them. I suppose he justified it as keeping everyone happy. He wasn’t buying gifts for anyone but himself. He treated me well, took care of me,
bought me nice things, was very much in tune with me. Wish he could only have been faithful. I fell for the lies. I caught him, and thought we could work it through. I never could trust him again – and I was right in that. Ladies,
don’t fool yourselves. Trust your instincts. He would never be able to be faithful to me. Glad I didn’t marry him. Wish his new (second) wife as the best. He cheated on me with her and then turned it around and cheated on her with me. I
can’t figure why I let it go on for as long as I did....yeah....I do know why....I was in love with the man I thought he was rather than in love with the man he really is.
Other Options:
I have my own question to ask
Truth About Deception – back to our home page.
written by Maria Monte, 03 January, 2007
What can I believe now? It seems like there is no way out of this except to dump him. But that really hurts. So much, that I’m unable to function properly.
Regards.
Maria