Past Comments – On my second marriage and I am having an affair

written by For Anyone Who Needs This Story, 27 July, 2008

I would like to give all of you a cautionary tale,because my sister felt she had all the time in the world to wait for her married lover to leave his wife. She was in a relationship with this man for fifteen years. I could NOT be as close to her as I wanted because she wanted to involve me in the drama and secrecy, and required that I revere this man as much as she did for his "sensitivity" and "kindness." She felt she loved him, believed his promises to leave, and felt no one could ever love her. My sister left all for this man: her husband, the home she owned, her education (she could not be at school getting her doctorate because he might call when she was out--this in the day before cell phones), her business, and eventually she became chronically ill, bitter, and angry--I think at least fifty percent of why she became so ill was the sheer stress of being with this man and fearing what would happen if they were caught, for he was her financial support. MY SISTER DIED SUDDENLY ON JULY 20th. Was this man by her side? NO.He was with his wife, as it was a weekend. So intensely was my sister immersed in secrecy that NO ONE called from the hospital to tell us she was there; she died alone, surrounded by strangers; she had not put anyone as a contact on her emergency list. Had she been with a partner who could have spent weekends with her, we might have been alerted and could have been with her in her last moments. She had not one Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, Easter, and sometimes not even her birthday with this man if it fell on a weekend. Was any of this worth it? I look at her life and can’t think so--I had prayed she might have some time alone, away from this man, to figure it out, but she thought she was worth only this. She also willed everything to him, trusting he would distribute her possessions, and made him executor of her will. We were lucky to beg a few mementos from him. Everything else this heartless, grudging ass is taking TO THE DUMP--except for the few things she had of value, which he is selling to line his greedy pockets, though he is a wealthy man. Yes, you heard it right--he is taking ALL SHE HAD to the DUMP. He will not even let the family enter her apartment to help clean it out or give us anything beyond what we BEGGED him to give. Her books, clothes, furniture, a quilt our stepmother made her, her art and writings, even her Christmas ornaments are all GOING TO THE DUMP THIS WEEK because her married lover can’t get rid of her soon enough. So much for the "sensitivity" and "kindness" of "the love of her life." Ask yourself if you would like this scenario too. At least don’t will everything to your married lover--we barely know the guy and he certainly cares about her family as much as he cared about her...ZERO.

written by Andrew J, 27 August, 2009

Excellent and no-BS response. I have been having similar problems in my life and so many of my friends always try to give me advice on how to make my relationships work. Good to hear some straightforward thoughts, it is a change.

Well, at one point in life you have to realize and accept the fact that not every single human being on this planet is supposed to get happily married, have kids and live until death do them apart. Some people enjoy life in shorter bursts of passion, and others prefer the (delusion of) a security of a life-long promise.

If you are a passion person, go for it. If you are a security person, again go for it. But just don’t try to make an apple look like an orange

written by Eric Becker, 25 February, 2010

I don’t feel one bit sorry for you at all!!! Communication is a two way street. Remember that. Your husband is now trying to make things work and obviously realizing that he did some things wrong. Give him a chance. Going out and falling in love with someone else is not the answer to your problems. Respect can be restored. It will take time and it will not be easy but it can be restored. YOU MUST STOP ALL CONTACT WITH YOUR OTHER FRIEND FIRST!!!!

written by Joe Good, 08 December, 2010

Love can move the world however if its not the right type of love and its in secret and deceptive its called something else: sin. I’ve had people tell me the grass was greener on the other side but from where I stood I couldn’t see any grass at all. If it’s outside marriage it’s a total crap shoot, anything can happen but one thing is for sure, the truth will come out sooner or later. You have to ask yourself if having an affair it is fair, you already know the answer... and then you have to ask yourself. What if it’s not a continual relationship, which it very seldom is. All of these issues arise because people do not understand what love really consists of and how important it is to sustain a happy life. Some people are infants in love even when they are in their 40’s or later because life changes all of us one way or another. It doesn’t mean the whole world should end in disaster.