Past Comments – My husband is having a midlife crisis

Husband needs freedom
written by BR DA, 02 March, 2007

First of all we are presently rebuilding our home and making it our dream house and we are living with my parents. He has been working more overtime lately. He is literally never home for more than 3 to 4 hours at a time. He works the night shift and is even working his nights off, days too. He tells me he has to work to be able to continue paying the bills of the reconstruction which I know is expensive, but he just told me after a long heart felt conversation that he doesn’t think marriage is for him. I told him I felt him distant and different and he said he doesn’t know what to do. He said he loves me and lets just see what happens, but he’s not being very responsive or attentive to my needs. We are intimate when he comes home and at times he just seems overwhelmed with the house. But he says he’s not sure if he was made to be married. This concerns me greatly! We’ve been married for 10 years and have 1 daughter but we’ve known each other over 20 years. 10 years dating and 10 married. What do I do?

written by Been There!!!, 23 April, 2007

I knew my marriage needed repair... But I had to understand what went wrongâ?¦ letting my husband go and getting help for myself.. I would not call him or sleep with him but when he did call I would keep the conversations short but pleasant. It took a lot of determination on my part to be strong for my family and it was a painful journey but a growing rewarding one. My husband and I will be married 40 years and have a lot more love and respect for each other. We both were very immature and sometimes it takes a crisis to help people grow up and appreciate each other.

written by :-), 24 May, 2009

I was so glad your read your story. I hope this turns out to be my story.

written by Pauline, 02 February, 2010

Me too darling. I sure hope my hubby comes back to his senses and loves me like he did before. I need him to know how much I love him and how much more I’m worth, more than the other women he’s after. I need the respect back, the love the care, the tenderness, oh my! I’m so distressed.

written by Cathleen, 11 April, 2012

I too am going through a similar situation. My husband of 15 years, together 17, says he no longer wants to be married and that he doesn’t think he is the "marrying type". He thinks he is this "free spirit" who doesn’t like a lot of drama (guess I’m the drama) and just wants to be happy and be in control of his own life. But he has always been very irresponsible and doesn’t like to take care of the things that adults take care of. All’s he wants to do is work on his business, work out at the gym, and be with friends. I know that he has signed up on dating sights because he wants to meet women to be friends with/sleep with. Although he does NOT want to be in a committed relationship with them. Just have fun!! He has told me that he no longer believes in monogamy and that he thinks his thinking is more evolved than the average person. That being "committed" to just one person for life is very restricting. I see having someone special in your life, for life, as a blessing if you can find it. I say, have friends that you do things with and you can still be an independent person with your own life, AND be married to someone. But he doesn’t want to put in the "work" for our marriage. We are still living together right now as we don’t really have the money to split homes, but I am thinking about asking him to move out into a cheap apartment because I can’t handle trying to treat my previous "husband" as now just a "friend". It hurts me that he thinks that life with me is too difficult and drama-filled. Maybe he will see, after sleeping with and dating some other women, that he didn’t have it so bad with me. I don’t know if he is going through a mid-life crisis. I asked him and he doesn’t think so. He thinks that he just has different values or beliefs about life than I do and that together as a couple, we just don’t work. Maybe he’s right. I don’t know. It would take him growing up quite a bit at this point before I would even consider getting back together because I believe in being totally committed and devoted to my other half, for LIFE!! As long as both people are willing to "work" on the marriage, you can overcome MOST problems.

written by Ramona, 08 October, 2012

Cathleen, I am going through the same thing right now after 25 years. He told me the exact same thing. I kicked him out and told him I would give him no questions asked. a 1 month period to get his shit straight and to get it out of his system. Then, we will decide how to move forward. I told him that I too will do whatever I want, no questions asked. I would never cheat on him, even now but somehow me taking control of the situation and letting him know that I too will be moving on, got him very curious. We will wait and see. I gave it all to God and so should u.

written by Arzu, 03 February, 2013

Cathleen and Ramona,

My husband of 17 years is telling me the exact same things. I have not been able to give him the space/distance he needs. he has been in and out of our home for the last 3 years.
I am hoping it is a midlife crisis and he will get over it but seems like it is going in forever..