Past Comments – I am having a difficult time dealing with my husband's cheating

written by Jane Mercy, 22 December, 2006

If you cannot trust him, then start protecting yourself, financially.

Women who knowingly flirts with a married man are insecure and immature. If she is a married woman or a divorced woman, it is likely that her own marriage/life is not doing well. If it is, she will not be wasting her time with your husband.

Men generally enjoys the attention of any other female, especially men with low self-esteem or who are in denial that their marriage/relationship needs professional help.

Monitor your relationship with your husband closely and be very honest with yourself. Any repair to the marriage requires BOTH your commitment. If he cannot be bothered, then be prepared to leave him. I assume there are no children involved. If there are, professional counseling is highly recommended.

Have a strategy. Finance is definitely one of them.

Good luck!

It happened to me
written by Deja vu, 19 February, 2007

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I knew my husband was lying,I would not stop until I found out the whole truth. They WILL NOT tell you the truth so you are left in the dark to wonder and despair with bouts of anger, anxiety and sadness as they go off gallivanting around happy with themselves not getting caught. I went further, I spied on him to find out yes, there was more. He still tried to deny it until the evidence was produced and even then he tried to sugar coat it. As women we are nurturing and we do not want to believe the worst, and we expect them to behave as we would. Do not fall for it, he will never admit to the whole truth. The fact that he gave a woman co worker access to his private life with the emails already is a breech of trust, and believe me if he is not telling her to back off then he is giving her direct permission to pursue him. All the time he gave to her could of been time for you and your family to bond. Trust your gut, don’t let your mind lead you astray.
I did contact the other womans husband, and I do not regret it in the least. I sent him a registered letter only he could sign for. He contacted me and thanked me for the information. You have a glimpse of your spouse’s true identity and I am telling you to get out while you can, it took me two years of dealing with this crap and behold he has now done it again, you cannot help a liar and cheat on a good therapist can do that. Save yourself the grief, take care of business, tell her husband and get out while you can.

written by why?, 25 April, 2007

Hi, I was reading your story and it sounds just like mine, that I am in right now. Actually, I think your story helped me cause I caught my husband cheating with this other girl and he denied it all the way until I heard phone messages of him saying he loved her. That broke my heart. I could of never imagined him saying that to another woman while we were together, now I really can’t trust him at all. I try, but he’s never quite told me the whole truth. His version of the truth keeps changing every time he tells a new story. I just don’t know what to do about the whole thing anymore. This was our first problem in our marriage and because of it everything that was perfect before is ruined. Every conversation or disagreement we have I think of when he did this to me. I think you know what I am the one sitting at home taking care of the kids, he was the one running out. When I was at home crying, he was out having fun and to be perfectly honest, I’m about ready to take a stand. I have three baby girls who look up to me. I don’t want them to grow up thinking that this is okay to let men treat you like this. So thank you for your article, it did really help me. The way I see it is if you cheat, and admit, tell the truth, then okay lets work on the marriage. But you know what, if your not even gonna tell the truth, then that means your not ready to be trusted – right?

written by Kim confused, 11 May, 2007

Hi, I can’t beleive I’m here...I just got married last July and I recently found out that my new husband may be out with another woman. Before I found out he strongly denied any intimate relations with this woman claiming it was only business, for the church no less...I cried I screamed but through it all he denied everything and said this woman was important, for her business and church connections, he actually made me feel like I was crazy. Well last night on the verge of taking a nap I heard the computer make a strange noise(it dings whenever a yahoo contact logs on) I know I wasnt logged in so I wanted to find out who was. Apparently my husband had left open his "secret" email address and there were tons of letters in there from different woman, the one that struck me the hardest was the intimate letter from the woman he admently denied had any interest in him. It wouldnt hurt so bad if all of the letters were from her....but he wrote just as many back to her. He still does not know that I know and goes about the day as if everything is peachy, I felt like taking his cell phone and dropping it in water...since I’m the idiot paying the bill.I feel so foolish that this could happen to me at my age, why didnt I see it coming and If I did see it coming why did I ignore the signs..If you can believe it I’m hurt beyond tears and pregnant....so I dont know when the tears are going to flow, I’m just trying to keep it together at the moment. :- Confused

written by Sad, 21 May, 2007

I JUST FOUND OUT...
Two days ago, I discovered my my husband had been cheating on me. We have had problems, which we were working on the whole time this was going on behind my back. He really hasn’t been in himself since his Dad passed almost a year ago. That he says has a lot to do with why he did it. How I found out he was cheating on me was, I came home to check in because he wasn’t feeling good. We had, had a disagreement an hour before on the phone I made a comment that he should hurry up and put his other woman away before I got there (I didn’t know at the time he was cheating on me when I said this) He got really angry after I said that and told me that he wouldn’t be there when I got there.
I finally got home and I just started looking around in our bedroom and I found our camera my parent’s got for our wedding gift, and decided to just check it out and see what he had ben taken pictures of. Well i got pass a few and then I came across ones with a girl in them just inncoent picutres but she was on my bed laying there and sitting, smiling. I was so shcoked by this, I still am! I got in contact with him, and he tried to tell me that she was his cousin’s friend and lucky enough for me his cousin was standing right next to me so I asked him, do u know this girl? And he said no I have never seen that girl in my life. So I texted my husband back and said your cousin doesn’t know her and I know that for a fact cause he is stading right here with me. My husband didn’t say anything for a long time. I couldn’t believe it! I still can’t! So I tracked own his mother and showed her the pictures she wasn’t very happy, she loves me like a daughter and was in shock also! We have talked it out about what has happend and We want to work on our realtionship, he didn’t have sex with her he kissed her, but he felt gulit the whole time he was doing it behind my back. We are going to start going to counseling. He does loves me, I love him even tohugh he as done what he has done. He regrets it everyday now for what he has done to me, But the trust is broken and I am the one whose hurting over it! Hopefully counseling will work and we can work thorugh our problems together.

written by Avery, 27 June, 2007

Hubby has been having secret phone conversations and meetings with a woman we both knew. I got rid of her sorry ass as a friend after I realized she was never really a friend. She managed to Manipulate my husband into thinking she is living a miserable life with her own husband who supposedly abuses her (I do not believe that for a minute). She says she will leave him eventually, but has yet to do so (since he is supporting her).

The last straw came this past year when I found out from her husband that they have been in touch over the last 7 months and he would call her ONLY while he was at work or at a pay phone located near our house (to avoid getting caught through our home phone).

Its the third time that he is carrying on this emotional affair with this woman who has admitted she has feelings for him. If he loved me he would be honest with me and tell me about it. If he loved me he would not do things behind my back and jeopardize our marriage especially after he promised not to do it again the last time he was caught?

Do I give him yet another chance? He says he has NEVER slept with her and that I tend to believe. EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS are still cheating and when you keep things like this from your spouse its still cheating. He also admitted that he would feel hurt if I had done this to him. Especially after I told him that if he can do it then so will I.

Do I forgive & forget – AGAIN?

written by Casandra, 30 June, 2007

I wish peace and healing to you all. I have been through it also.

written by Greeneyez, 19 July, 2007

I found out 3 weeks ago that my husband has been sleeping with this girl who was suppose to be a friend to me. My husband is in the military and we just moved to this place 7 1/2 months ago. He introduced me to one of the guys that works with him because the guy was married and he had a child and figured we could all become friends and hang out.
We’ve hung out with them many times going sightseeing, bowling and hanging out at each others house playing cards and having a few drinks.
I told my husband from the beginning that there was something about this couple that I wasn’t feeling. They only have one child and it seemed they had no control over the boy. They allowed him to do whatever with out saying a word. But i would put my feelings to the side to make my husband happy having some people to hang out with.
It seems that memorial day weekend, they had come over that Friday to hang out and play cards. The slut loves to get attention and i had told my husband you give her to much attention when she comes over. Well we were all drinking and playing cards and she started playing footies with my husband. He didn’t tell me anything. That following week, he coaches youth soccer and her son is on the team. I didn’t feel like going cause i was tired from work. He called me after practice to tell me that they were taking the kids to the park to play for a little. Well it seems that the started talking and decided to see each other the following week cause my husband had an appointment to take care of some business cause he was about to go on a deployment.
So once a week he would go over when he had one of his appointments for sex. The thing that gets me the most is the girl would have the balls to come to my house and act like she is my friend asking me to go get a pedicure and things like that while all the while she is screwing my husband.
She would tell my husband how miserable she is in her marriage and shit. I just couldn’t believe how my husband fell into this. We have been together for 11 yrs. We have 3 beautiful children and he seem to forget all of that just for some sex. Now he is gone off to training for his deployment and I’m stuck here in the place that I hate.
I’m constantly thinking about going to her house and beating her ass. My husband paid for what he did from me everyday because one minute I can be fine but the next I’m flipping out because I can’t believe he did this to me. I keep telling him that he took what was special to us and gave it to someone else. My husband also got in trouble at work because her husband pressed charges against her. I want to make her pay for what she has done to me and its driving me crazy everyday. Now my husband is gone and possibly getting deployed to Afghanistan for 14 months and I have to be support because of where he is going to be but at the same time I want to tell him off cause little things trigger these hurt feelings i have inside and he isn’t here to hold me when I’m crying and for me to just scream at. Any help would be appreciated.

written by foolish, 24 July, 2007

My husband won’t admit his affair even after 20 odd years. He still treats me like a fool and expects me to believe his lies. I would like to find a way of making him tell me the truth but he flies into a rage and won’t admit it every time I mention it. I am still so hurt and can’t find respect for him although he does try to make me happy now.

written by Kera, 14 August, 2007

My husband started cheating on me 2 1/2 months ago with a old high school girlfriend that befriended me and my husband as she went through a divorce because her husband cheated on her I know a little screwed up. Husband cheats on you get a divorce then break up a happy marriage with 3 kids in it. Well there is no counseling for us as he says he loves this girl and this was the girl he was suppose to marry not me well should of thought of that before you made 3 kids. He is asking for a divorce and moving this girl up in the next month yeahhh for me. I don’t want my kids to do anything with this home wrecking wench but its hard because he says the kids will get over it. And as a mother you want to protect your kids from learning what daddy did to mommy and not want them to grow up with morals that cheating and lying is the way to go. Hopefully answers will come soon on how I deal with all this.

written by Sucker for love, 05 September, 2007

I was really young, in my first relationship which had been in any fashion serious. I was willing to believe the hype and buy into the dream... a perfect marriage and begin building a family! Going to college was important and the one near by met my needs perfectly. I had already been a student there for a couple years and was close to graduation. However, I knew the program offered on the other side of the state was decent for my major but awesome for accounting. In the name of love, I followed and decided to start over there.
I had begun feeling more distant overtime. I was having a hard time making friends, and due to some lost credits I was not even accepted into the school. I began to work full time at night to maintain the apartment and mounting student loan interest. I hated it, but felt it was worth it for love!
Finally, one day I came home and saw her on instant messaging later at night than normal...I had came home for my meal break so she did not expect me. The thing which really caught my attention was her face... really flush as she tried to quickly close the chat button and greet me.
I paid little attention... but realized more and more she was online chatting. She hated trucks, so it came as a great surprise when she wanted to help a fellow classmate look at trucks. He was someone I knew and did not particularly like... he had a bad reputation and few friends. She told me after the fact of going to the dealership.

The morning I started waking up was the day I found the chats... she had left a folder open on the pc. I was not even snooping, she just got sloppy. The messages were entirely not appropriate, left very little to the imagination. Right under my nose, she was having quite the emotional/physical affair while I gave up so much.

She left me soon after, and I wished her well. Youth was a major factor, as was the other man being independently wealthy from very large trust funds. My biggest mistake was trying to ‘expose her’. In the end, I looked like a fool and appeared irrational. If this happens again, I shall just remove myself post haste and be glad I’m alive to love again.

written by Krista Briscoe, 02 October, 2007

Hi, I know exactly what you are going through. I found out a week ago that my husband cheated. I found the emails from her. She was an old co-worker that i always had a bad feeling about. Well, I got my husband to confess after I found the emails. He said that they just hung out as friends at first, but then she started telling him how she had always felt about him. She wanted him to leave me and be with her. She would get mad when he would leave her for the night and come home to me. I was five months pregnant when this happened. Well he told me that they kissed one time and that was when he cut off contact with her because he knew what he was doing was wrong. He says that he learned his lesson on his own that it was wrong. He sounds very sincere, but I don’t know how to trust again. He says that he wants to work things out with me because he loves me with all his heart. It is VERY hard to trust again, but I think that if a man cheats, there is obviously something wrong in the marriage that can be fixed over time. I would say to you, to stay with him if you truly love him and know he truly loves you. If that is fact, everything will work out. It will take a lot of hard work on both of you, but I believe there is hope for true love.

written by E.B, 03 October, 2007

I don’t know how to explain my situation, seeing as I also cheated on my husband. My affair, did not last very long, a week to be exact. I felt so bad afterwards, I didn’t want nothing to do with the guy. Well, I thought that since I cheated it would be okay if my husband did. But, it wasn’t I felt so hurt. Esp. since he told me he really cares about this girl. Oh yeah, we have a son together and another one on the way. He started cheating on me when I had my son. It’s been a year now, and I just found out. I never once even cared about the guy I cheated on him with. It was one of those I wish I can go back in time to change. But, my husband cares a lot about this girl and he still talks to her on a regular basis. Am I wrong for being mad. I just wish I can forget this but I can’t and it is stressing me out. On top of that we are both in the military and the other female is in also. I want to be able to move on and have a happy life but I don’t know how to get past this.

written by Betrayed, 03 December, 2007

I found out 3 months ago that an old girlfriend of my husband’s, from 20 years ago contacted him over 2 years ago, the woman sent him a picture of the 2 of them from the 80’s. She’s been wanting a divorce from her husband for 8 years, after 2 years of playing patty-cake with my husband she finally sued him for divorce. When I initially ‘caught’ my husband he insisted that she is married and that that made what they did OK. Then I goggled her and found their names on a website that confirmed my suspicions that she wasn’t truly married. It took my husband 2 months to admit that he knew they were getting divorced. The woman actually emailed him telling him that I must be chemically imbalanced, and that I need medical assistance. For all those predatory woman out there, leave the married men alone, try dating single men!

written by Distraught!, 05 December, 2007

Once he gets caught and fesses up b/c of hard core proof of an affair, he only gets better at the lies and deception. Shortly after a year of being married my husband had an affair, we separated, and like a fool I took him back. Only to put up with his betrayal and laundry list of women for 6 more years. I finally came to my senses that I could do better, I filed for divorce, packed up, moved on, then dumped his sorry ass. Leaving it all behind feels so good b/c I know that there’s more to life and it’s too darn short to invest it in someone who doesn’t know the true value of love and marriage!

written by lillian rivera, 06 December, 2007

After suspecting for three months he finally admits he has been cheating. I have ask him so many times to explain the phone calls, and he claims that she was just a friend who was going through a tough time and that she needed a friend, that friendship turn out to be a little more than that. Our relationship had gone through some tough times, although we agreed to work things out. He told me that he was not going to talk to her no more, that was a lie it continue and it hurts like hell the worst part is that she is young younger than me. So as I read other woman’s comments I can definitely relate. A little advise take it one day at a time and do not feel down accept god in your life he will make it better stay strong because time will heal.

written by Dana’s hurt, 10 December, 2007

Hi. I found out yesterday that my boyfriend cheated on me. We have been together for 4 years and recently bought a house together. A friend that I used to work with called me to tell that she had heard that he cheated on me with a co worker. When I asked him about it he tried to deny it but after pushing further I got him to confess. This girl would text and call him all the time, and when I asked him about her he just said it was nothing and that he would tell her to stop and he didn’t know why she was contacting him. Stupid me, I believed him. I thought that everything in our relationship was perfect – apparently not. My friends and family believe that we have a strong enough relationship to fix things. I just don’t know how I will trust him again. It hurts so bad I don’t even want to go home. He told me that it only happened once and that he was planning to propose to me next summer. I love him too, but it is against my morals to be with a cheater and a lier. So, I guess these things just take time. I hope everything works out and I never thought I would be in this position – no one does. It has helped me though to read everyone else’s postings to know that couples can get through this. I just don’t know what to do

written by jurry, 15 December, 2007

Leave him. He is an idiot.

written by Nargis, 10 March, 2008

I don’t know how to start! I am so confused. After seven years of marriage, my husband and childhood sweetheart admitted that while we were engaged, he had cheated on me with several women. I have forgiven him for this b/c we had an arranged marriage at young age and we were not living in the same country. Now, seven and half years later, I have this gut feeling that not only he has cheated during our marriage, but also after my marriage. Worse part is that I have this gut feeling that he cheated with my first cousin. When he first moved here, he was introduced to my cousin. The slut is attractive. I realized that my husband finds her attractive b/c I realized that he was once aroused by her, I accidentally felt his privates while she was dancing at party, and he was hard. At that time, I was dumb and stupid and didn’t think of it anything.

After he confess to his affairs in Europe (he did his confession when he was drunk& during sex). When we later talked about it, he told me that I should not trust my cousin, and that he is very happy in our marraige and she is married now. None of this was making any sense to me.

He completely denies that he has any affair with her. However, i just get this anger moments, it is used to be once in a while, now it is almost every minute. I can’t take it anymore. We have a happy marriage and a two year old daughter. I don’t know what to do. I know he did something with her, I just want to know the truth. They are so weird around each other, and whenever she is around, he distants hisself from me. I feel like SHIT! Please HELP! I don’t know how to resolve this and this is driving me nuts. I can’t talk about it to anyone, my only support is my family and for them to know anything like this will break the family apart. GOD HELP ME!

written by sharing, 11 March, 2008

To Nargis: tell someone! That’s the only way you are going to get any relief! It’s the only way that most men will change, too. If everything stays in the dark, it will fester and grow, in you & him. You’ve got to make him confess to someone you both can trust, another couple (preferably an old couple), and if he refuses, just tell what he has done. I’m in perhaps the early stages of all of this. My husband watches porn online when he can get away with it, has no remorse, and now I found a single woman’s name and number on his phone, for which his answer was, "I don’t know why that’s there." (and why he had called her at night, and vv.) I’ve made a counseling appt., and if he doesn’t go, I’m going and telling all. I’ve also just told my brother, who confirmed that I’m not crazy for being so angry. I can feel my blood pressure rising just being in this situation. I’m also going to contact others that he is sensitive to knowing these details if he doesn’t break down. His heart is hard; anger that comes from questions of suspicious activity is a bad sign. If he never breaks, and never makes his own plans to hold himself accountable to me and others, then we’ll have to separate. I can’t endure and allow him to progress further into this pit, which is what will happen if no consequences occur, IMO. Well, I pray God’s help to all of you, and to my family, as well.

written by j3ss, 18 March, 2008

I’m up crying. I’ve been with a serial cheater for 4 years. We have a 2 year old together. He has cheated on me with various women throughout the entire relationship. Everything, for now, is fine. I will never trust him, but we can’t seem to live without each other..... its sick.

He has borderline personality disorder. Loves me one month, hates me the next (cheating), makes suicide threats to get me back. very manipulative.

written by humiliated Ann, 20 March, 2008

Just found out that my husband was cheating on me all this while... I feel like killing the bastard... I’m so angry and humiliated.... He cant even look at me in the eye... It makes me feel sick that he did this to me... DON’T TRUST ANY MAN!

written by jaime hayward, 20 March, 2008

I know what everyone here is going though.. I am going though it right now myself but my husband might have gotten her pregnant. She says it’s his but, only a dna test will tell for sure...

written by whatnow, 26 March, 2008

Just found out he was with another woman four years. She came to my door. He never fessed up. How do I trust him now? We have two kids and I love him, he says he will work it out but how long is too long?

written by pricilla, 27 March, 2008

I know how you feel. In my case it was my student. My husband knows her family. She is from a poor background and did not have a father. So feeling sorry for her, my husband asked me to take care of her. My husband sometimes send her home. Suddenly I found my husband starting to be distant from me. I asked him why? He said work pressure. Then this girl left for the university the next year. My husband is in the insurance so he travels a lot. He started to act out of the ordinary. He suddenly started to switch off his cell phone at home. stays up late at night to sms and when i ask him he says it is his clients. One night my husband left his cell phone on and a message came through at about 2.00am. curious i looked and written on it is telling my husband to be patient and wait for her to graduate and then they can get together. SHE was telling him to take care of his family until she is free. I just got so furious I woke my husband up from his sleep to demand an explanation. He could not say anything. I called the girl and really fired her. Then my husband and I had a very big argument. He tried to come me down. and told me it was nothing and that she was only having an infatuation.
I trusted him but a few months later I found another message from her while I was in the car with him. He started to stammer and again I called her and told her off. Almost a year later my husband told me he is having problem with the girl. I was shocked that he still kept in touch with her. Now she does not want to let him go and he is afraid and unsure what to do because she has threatened to tell me everything. Then she started to harass me!! She ask me to let him go. She calls the house, the cell phones, day and night.Finally we made a police report. The reason why I did not report her earlier was that she comes from a poor background and its difficult to get scholarship and I did not to be responsible for someone to lose the education. She continued and there was once in the evening starting 8.00 till the next morning she called may husband 203 times. We unplugged the house phone, my phone was changed. my husband could not do anything because he had hundreds of clients listed way back for about 15 years.Then again my husband told me she is causing trouble so I called her and thats when she asked me to ask my husband about their affair. I asked my husband and he told me that its been going on for about 3 years. Imagine how I feel after telling that girl off and practically shouting at her, my husband has still been going back to her. Its the worst kind of betrayal.He told me that he picks her from the University and takes her to a hotel and then sends her back.
We had a good sexual marriage and suddenly he hardly came to me and I finally realized why.
He apologized and said he will not have any contact with her again. He said he could not make love to me because he felt guilty. I told him that if wants this marriage to work he must tell me any time she calls and he agreed. U know what finally broke the camel’s back. She dared to call me at home and told me she wants to talk to him. I said ok hung up and told my husband what happened. Then I picked up his cell phone and went to the police station and then I contacted the University. By then my husband had followed me to the police station. He told me not to be hasty and that made me even madder. He said that it will affect his name and that he has already been truthful to me, which was true. He called the girl’s mother and talked to her and told her where he was and I was doing. A few minutes later the girl called and a police officer answered. She started to panic when the officer told her that I was pressing charges. She promised me that she will not disturb me or my husband again and till today she has not.
But we don’t have a happy marriage, because I don’t trust him anymore. I am staying on for the kids. He wants this marriage. He says he loves me and the kids but it hurts so much. Whenever he hugs or kisses me I ask myself ‘is it like this with her?’ Is sex the same. The imagination is slowly killing and I cry whenever alone.
Whenever he wants to go outstation we have very big arguments. So now to please me he does not stay overnight I have forgiven him but I can’t forget. I am now being practical and staying because he earns well and I have gone through hell for him. I don’t him tell that but now I do what I please and still enjoy the money he gives me every month and USING HIS GUILT AGAINST HIM I HAVE ALSO MADE HIM SIGN ALL OUR SAVINGS AND THE PROPERTY TO MY NAME. I know it hurts like hell but don’t let them get away with it. Be strong. Take him for all he has and enjoy your yourself.

written by Blind, 04 April, 2008

I read several of the comments. All of you seemed to have found out by reading emails or found some type of proof. I’ve was married for almost 5 years, with him for over 10 and known him since I was 21. I have no proof! My husband is such a great manipulator, he can lie with out any remorse and has the type of job that he can get away with anything. I filed 2 weeks ago after he led me to believe that we were working on thing (remember that I only thought we had marital problems) and after sneaking in our apartment to copy all of our financial papers (I even opened HIS bank statements) because I had suspicions.
Turns out that over $50,000.00 was missing from the bank account that is in his name. I ran to Kinko’s and copied everything! Everything I could get my hands on. He was spending over $150 per dinner about 3 to 4 nights a week at every great restaurant in town. Lucky Her! The ASS has been wining and dinning someone with my money. My advice is- I always knew that he was lying in my heart. Trust your intuition. It won’t fail you! Make sure to protect yourself financially. If you don’t that’s where you will have your biggest problems, forget morning the marriage to a cheater/crappy husband with no character, take care of yourself so that you can find the love you were supposed to have. Last bit of advice- DO NOT let him talk you into not using a lawyer if he has lied. My husband tried to manipulate me out of mine. I kept her, and she found out in addition to the before mentioned monies he was hiding over $160,000.00 in our/his previously owned home. GET A LAWYER GIRLS!!!!!!

written by Mistress Nexxus, 14 April, 2008

I have lived with my boyfriend for 10 years and never thought he would ever cheat on me. Boy was I ever wrong. I came home one day from work like usually. The only differences was the house smelled like sex funk thats the only word I could describe it. My boyfriend seemed like he was high as well. The thing was he didn’t know, but I put voice activated tape recorders hidden all around the house. When he walked into the next room I grabbed all the tape recorder and left the house. I told him I had to run to the store. I pulled up into the parking lot and started to listen to the tapes. I trembled for four hours at what I had heard. My ex employee’s wife that I had recently fired was have sex in my living room with my old man and smoking meth even talking about the drug dealer that they got it from. I came back home and asked him how his days was and who came to visit. No one he said not knowing about the listening devices I planted. I went along with it to see how much of a liar he was. Of course when I told him I knew what was going on he denied it. Thats when I played the tape. BUSTED!! I threw him out of the house because he’s an addict it turns out and a cheat plus a liar. I have so much anger, resentment, and frustration but the fact of the matter is... you lay down with dogs you wake up with flies. This just happen a couple of weeks ago so the wounds are still fresh. He tried to shift the blame on me and started to find my weaknesses to shift blame and change the subject the usual things. But at the end I felt good because I got my control back. I feel bad for people not knowing and never really getting the true story. I think it was easier for me to break lose because I had surveillance so whenever I felt weak I would just play the tape and it gave me more strength to break up. We were both 45 years old and knew each other in third grade so I had a long history especially because we went to high school together as well. The moral of the story is once you open pandora’s box you will only get the truth... are you willing to hear it even though it’s not pretty?

written by tuti, 14 April, 2008

My husband and I have have been together 14 years married for 3 and we have 3 cool kids. He is a soldier in the army so as you can imagine life sometimes is difficult. We love each other very much and have had our ups and downs as in any marriage. In 1997 I discovered my husband had a one night stand. Literally! He met the girl one day slept with her the next, left her the next. It took me a while to get over it. Years I must admit but I buried it eventually. For the past 3 years he has been living in Germany. We lived together for 1 and a half of those 3 and it was great. Right now we don’t live together though. I found out 2 months ago that he had another one night stand but he slept with her 2x. The girl emailed me using a man’s name telling me this. I confronted him over the phone and he admitted it to me. I was devastated. I felt sick to my stomach. I hated him. This time though it is extremely difficult to get over because of the state of vulnerability I am in with us living apart. I truly trusted that he wouldn’t do it and it got to the point that the thought of him doing it wouldn’t even cross my mind. He still lives in Germany for another week then he comes home. The girl left German (by the way she was a soldier also who got booted out). I still love my husband deeply and we are getting through this. I don’t trust him as of yet. I haven’t forgiven him either. It is proving really difficult to get over it this time because my head is turning the situation into something it may not have been. I have nightmares and the thoughts just creep into my head at anytime. It’s ridiculous. I contemplated divorce but I mean I love the guy and we have a history and I don’t believe he’s a serial cheater, but I mean I just have to learn to get over this. Any comments please post.

written by Fed-up wife, 23 April, 2008

I am dealing with a very similar situation. My husband cheated. Through counseling a whole new world has been revealed to me. I would like to share with all of you that there is no such thing as a serial cheater. It’s called Sex Addiction and if you can’t live without him you are considered a Co-dependent. Look it up! It is very likely that both of you have underlying issues that you need to work on with a professional therapist who is trained in these areas. By the way, without going through all of the awful details, we have been trying to work on our marriage. It remains to be seen whether or not it will work out. He continues to lie, won’t answer questions, and is probably cheating again now. Meanwhile I live in a constant state of worry/obsession (whichever you want to call it). The one thing I have learned about rebuilding is that both parties have to be committed to doing so. And it definitely won’t work if the Sex Addict doesn’t want to stop his cheating and lying and work on his underlying causes.

written by JMarie, 07 May, 2008

This isn’t going to be as bad as what you some guys have been through.. but I need some advice.. My finacee cheated on me when we had been dating for only a few months with someone who was supposedly my friend. They would flirt right in front of my face and he would tell me I was just being a bitch when I told him that I didn’t want her at the house anymore. When she got mad and crudely told me what was going on, he admitted it, but acted like he expected me to be over it just a couple weeks later. We broke up and he started crying, begging for me to come back. The ‘affair’ lasted only two weeks, but the fact that he could have sex with my "friend" while also sleeping with and swearing his love to me, killed me. I often jump to conclusions and our seemingly perfect relationship is gone. Now that we are planning marriage, I’m not sure if I want to go through that. Although he has lied a couple more times about minor things, he has been an angel other than that. For the past couple days, I haven’t been able to get a hold of him at work and last night he had to work late. He even brought me home a time card but I can’t help thinking that something else is going on. Deep down, I know it’s not, but how am I supposed to dispel these feelings and make him understand that I feel like this, without him getting angry for "bringing up the past?"

written by Newbie, 29 May, 2008

I just found out 2 days ago that my husband cheated on me with a woman who is his friend. This woman also wanted to me my "best" friend too! They had been together for 1 year. The most humiliating thing is I found out from the husband of this woman! He left me a voice mail. I just couldn’t believe it. It would be our 9th year anniversary this Friday and we would going to go for a short trip. It hurts just by repeating the story. Anyway, he said it was over, 2 weeks ago. At first he said he left her because he loves me but then I realized that it was because she got caught! They even did it in our house! I suspected it before and confronted him, but he never admitted. And of course, I trusted him and believed him. I don’t think he will admit it if it’s not because of the voice mail. It’s been 2 days and I still feel hurt. But I still love him and don’t want to leave. What should I do? My mind tells me that he will cheat again and he is no good for me anyway, but my hearts says otherwise......

written by had enough!, 30 May, 2008

My loving husband cheated on me five years ago with his cousins wife, they divorced, but i decided to work things out and rebuild the marriage. About 9 months ago, he ran into an old girlfriend, who is married also, and a cop. Texting each other over 400 times a month and calling 2-3 times a day, until her husband put a stop to it. Me, I was just the crazy person accusing him of doing something he wasn’t! The terrible stories about me that he told his friends, I have been with him for 25 yrs, 3 kids, all almost grown, and i should be at a stage in my life where i feel secure in my marriage, but instead, He would like me to believe I have issues, that this is all in my head, the constant put downs, I can’t do anything right. I forgive to easy, that is my downfall. After years of being put down, it takes time to like yourself again, and to believe in yourself. I’m on that road, with or without him, life is too short for all the mind games, and I’m a good person, Ive done a great job raising my children, myself. I just wish that I realized all of this much earlier, and didn’t waste my time with someone who says they love me but has done nothing but hurt me.

written by Mary69, 02 June, 2008

My husband of 16 years cheated on me while he was deployed to Afghanistan with a female clerk. The affair lasted just over three weeks and ended when he came home. He insists she meant nothing to him and that the whole idea disgusts him etc. but you know – here I was at home, keeping the home fires burning – the children fed – the bills paid and he’s in KAF getting laid by some military woman?
Well – my husband has confessed to his boss and he has written a letter to her boss – I don’t think she’ll be getting that posting to England any time soon.

written by 3_years_of_deception, 16 June, 2008

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and together for over 11. On Christmas day 2006 I received a crank call with a message that said "You are so stupid", I had a feeling that my husband was cheating and often argued with him about it before that day. He had a lavish 35th birthday party for me just a month earlier and I gave him an ultimatum on December 17th, he stayed close to home and rarely went out after the 17th and I guess that fueled his mistress’ fire. I told him about the message and when she called back I answered and he looked like death over took him. To make a long story short I was absolutely devastated and he supposedly was sorry (seemingly so) and stopped. However in June of the next year after a trip to Bermuda he came home and immediately spent the rest of the evening supposedly with the guys but my gut feeling had returned months before that. In July he told me he wanted to do IVF since I had asked years before due to our trouble having children. In September the IVF cycle was complete and it did not work. Two days later I found a cellphone bill (he gets it delivered to his office) that had fallen out of his car and it showed constant phone calls to a certain number. I called it from work and when she called back I had the receptionist write down the name. It was the person I suspected and he denied ALL ALONG... A CO-WORKER. I lost it to say the least but I stayed and called her telling her to leave him alone. We slowly started to rebuild and he met up with her again in December for a drink where she assaulted him and stole a college ring... so he says. I have found prn on his I-Touch, he keeps his phone locked and has changed the code as of November so I can no longer get into it. I have found emails between him and other females and I know that he has a gmail account that some chick he met during a business trip to New York set up for him. I don’t know what to do... he is starting to get home later and later and he ALWAYS has some late meeting during the week. I think his conscious is seared and he no longer cares... he takes care of me well financially and says he loves me and that I am just tripping... but my gut says he is still cheating and has evolved to have multiple women in his life... we just bought a new porn DVD and it is supposedly at his cousins, now WHY would he take porn to his cousins and leave it for weeks? I am married to a very insecure man who just had new veneers put in his mouth and went through the wardrobe upgrade and obsession with hitting the gym and getting a six pack about two 1/2 years ago. He has to drive the biggest expensive cars and flaunts his money around. Even as I type this I know what I need to do... just typing this out shows me how foolish I have been.

written by confused, hurt and yes angry, 02 July, 2008

I read all these posts made. I just recently went thru this with my fiance. We had just gotten engaged a week before he started seeing someone else. It was a friend of his sisters that I had met a couple yrs ago. My mom actually kept telling me he was cheating cuz of the way he was treating me. He didn’t even tell her that we were engaged or even together OR that I’m prego. He stayed at her place almost every night and was taking her around our son and smoking pot around him on top of it! He would get mad every time I asked him if he was seeing someone or if I was competing for his affection. Now I’m not saying I’m completely blameless, we’ve had problems the past 2 yrs. Mostly I was fed up with raising 3 kids and him not helping and started getting angry at him. We hardly ever had relations and this was one reason why he went to someone else. He finally decided after I called her and told her I just wanted the truth that he wanted to be with me. She won’t talk to him anymore. I find it hard to believe that after cheating on me and telling both of us that he loved us and everything that he really does. We’ve been planning on getting married this year but I don’t know if we will or not. We’re seeing a counselor and I get out of it that we both need to step in the others shoes to completely understand the whole situation. He’s not remorseful at all hasn’t even asked forgiveness nothing. I do agree with that post of if both of you love each other so much then it could work out. Time heals all wounds right? I know not everyone believes in soulmates but I do and I know he’s mine. But what I believe also is that just cuz you’re soulmates doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together. My advice to anyone is to try to step in the others shoes. Ask yourself what led up to this? Were there already problems in this relationship? But yes they shouldn’t have done it. He had always told me he would dump me before he cheated but he didn’t. Another bit of advice is if you’re a christian so totally seek God in this. He has helped me through a lot of this. I don’t know what I would do without Him.

written by dottiebug, 07 July, 2008

I found out in February that my husband of 5 1/2 years had been cheating on me for about 4-5 months. Yes we’ve been having some problems and haven’t been having as much sex compared to when we first got married, but for almost 2 years now we have been dealing with a son that has been depressed and suicidal. He has been in and out of mental hospitals. No my mind isn’t only on sex... I wish he would’ve thought with the proper part of his body. He told me and the other girl (whom I thought of as a friend) for 4-5 months they had been sleeping together, not only were we dealing with our son but we were building a house, both working full time plus I was going to school full time... I am so angry. I love him so much that I hate myself for it. Now they say that they are just friends, I really hate the idea but... we will be married for 6 years in Nov. I do understand what every one here is going thru. Just hope we can all get thru it with a straight head.

written by just found out too, 22 July, 2008

I just found out too that my husband has cheated on me. Mostly an emotional affair, which to me is worse than only a physical affair. Worse yet, it was with a woman who goes to our church and whose family we spend time with. I had my suspicions (always trust your intuition!!) and ended up putting something on my computer so I could get his passwords and read whatever he types (PCPandora, it’s worth the money!). I still didn’t believe it until he made arrangements to go to this woman’s house while her husband was out of town at work. They needed to "talk about what happened". He fiddled around and then left for a test drive (he works on cars). I followed him a few minutes later, still thinking I wouldn’t find him parked out front of this woman’s place, but there he was. I parked and knocked on the door. Her face was almost comical if I weren’t so pissed off when she opened the door and saw me standing there. First thing out of her mouth was, "we were just talking." Still they both denied that anything was going on, even saying that he just dropped by and the visit wasn’t planned. I told them both they were lying to me because I knew that they emailed each other. I sent him home and had a few choice words with this other woman. Then I can home to confront my husband. He denied a lot, but I still had that feeling that he wasn’t telling me all. The intonation of her email was there was a specific occurrence that they needed to talk about. (I will grant her that she wanted to talk about breaking off contact because she doesn’t want it to go any further and wants to work on her marriage without any bad influence from my husband’s flirting. Too little, too late. Damage done.) After some more denying that anything specific happened, and me having such a strong feeling I was being lied to that I was physically sick to my stomach for an hour, he finally admitted that he had walked up behind her, cupped her breasts, told her she has "nice tits" and kissed the back of her neck. He says he can’t remember what was said or done after that but claims that was all that happened. I still don’t think I am getting the full truth from him, and he "swears to God" that he has told me all of it. But I can’t believe any of it. I have even been looking up how to get a polygraph test done because I have below zero trust in him right now. I am also torn by the thought of knowing this has happened and not saying anything to her husband. I think he should know, but I strongly believe it should come from her and not me. They have two children together, and we have three (my eldest even babysits their daughters and they worship the ground she walks on). Worse yet, I had found flirty emails from another one of our church friends. She signed them "I love you" and "I miss you". I confronted him and her about both, and my hubby admitted it was getting too out of hand and they will stop. She claimed she sees my hubby as her "girlfriend" and that is how she signs off on all her emails. Her hubby is alreay suspicious of the two of them flirting and freaks out on her constantly. These two women are friends, they both knew all this stuff and were swearing up and down to my husband they wouldn’t tell me because it would devastate me and they don’t want to ruin his marriage. I have contacted a therapist and have scheduled an appointment, but in the meantime, I can’t even look at my husband and my kids keep asking why I am crying.

I guess to make the long story short (which I haven’t done here), if you have a gut feeling, go with it. As women especially, we have an intuition that can’t be denied unless we deny it. Thanks for listening to me rant (at least until my therapist appointment). Good luck to all of you in either rebuilding your trust/relationships or to moving on to a better one.

written by liam, 11 September, 2008

I have ended an affair with a married man who is also a long time friend. We were involved prior to his marriage. His wife is aware of the situation. I even confirmed/exposed the affair and assured her I have moved on and have no desire to be with her husband. He has indicated that he still wants me to be his friend since he has known me much longer than he has known his wife. I am concerned because she continues to send me insulting emails (even though it was her husband who betrayed her) also, I am not sure about maintaining a friendship. How is he OK with this knowing that his wife strongly dislikes me?

written by tryingtohelp, 24 September, 2008

Hi,

A few months ago, my husband left me and the kids to go to work. He called me the next day to say he’s never coming back and that he will file for divorce. His reason was that he has been miserable for the last few years. I didn’t see it coming. I blamed myself for everything. It was hard not to leave him VM messages or send emails without being angry and confrontational. I went to see a lawyer and she told me that men don’t leave their wife and kids unless another woman is involved.
I was against getting a divorce and wanted to find some way of getting through this. When he did come back I was extremely nice to him...we were intimate and everything seemed to be ok until I read his text messages. They were not really sexual but more emotional. The only thing I managed to find out was that he had stayed over at her place a few times. He denied that they ever had intercourse. There isn’t anything really intimate in their messages to suggest that they did...this woman is also a few years older than us and a real piece of work...boy, does she know how to manipulate him! She showed him what he was missing in our life...the freedom to go out and have a good time...that’s right, it was all about having fun...which is hard to do when you are a mother of two very young children and a third baby on the way. Needless to say, she was my "replacement" except that it went too far. I did a bad thing and confronted him... from then on he just became more tight-lipped and careful. I did my own research and found that this other woman was someone at his work. Even though he was "back" with me, I felt that he would often be in terrible moods around me. It became unbearable to live like that...not trusting him, having him torn between two women...I took the kids and left, more for the children’s sake. I can honestly say that if you have small kids, and no emotional support, it is best to take yourself and your children and leave, if you can. Men who are influenced by the other woman are not in the right frame of mind. They are seeing things through her eyes. It was like my husband and I were pawns in this woman’s game of chess. It was a really bad time in our lives. We are now trying to move away from that city and I never went back there except for brief visits. He was honestly crazy when the affair was going on. In a marriage, anybody is bound to find someone they connect with more than an existing spouse, but their is a bigger picture. The reality of divorce is that the wife suffers emotionally, and possibly financially as well. In addition, the children no longer have a mommy and daddy that are together....that security is gone. Is the future really bright after a divorce? Perhaps in Hollywood it is, but for everyday people, making ends meet, raising children, and doing it alone is the reality. You have to be the judge of your marriage. You know your husband better than anybody. Trust your gut. If you think you can handle making the marriage work and he has agreed to counseling, give it a try...what do you have to lose? If he is truly a monster, out with him. And ladies, don’t forget why he married you in the first place... because he loved YOU. If he wants a second chance, why not give it? Marriage is a sacred trust, and yes, trust is broken...protect yourself by saving your evidence and try to get the marriage back on track.

written by look in the miror, 28 September, 2008

I’m not understanding how people can say give the marriage a second chance when vows was made before God and family to love one another has been broken. Yet husbands more than wives find it easy to step outside the trust and cause major damage and will never tell you the truth, make you think that you are CRAZY!, make it unbearable to live with them, don’t like to be question about their actions, treat the wife like an well need extreme makeover, and yet this is the person he shared marriage vows with always to love cherish, respect, not take for granted, life long best friend, and yet we are always the last to know and the first to feel like failure with the man when we get the truth about some other woman they found time to spend with.
I am a 14 year married woman who found out that my husband cheated on me with a co-worker. I had the gut feeling,the sickness only because we WAS very close to each other, the physical evidence, talking in his sleep, the dreams, and the phone conversation where he thought I was her. He denies it to this day, I know better and want out. Now he watches every thing I do, he monitors my time. I cannot stand this person any more and I’m planning on getting out now alone with my child that we have together. Two weeks ago, a woman came to my house at 8:00am knocking on the door softly when have a door bell, he goes to the door and it gets very quiet, when I get to the door they are outside and he tells me she is just dropping off pictures for him to frame, at 8am in the morning, am I stuck on stupid or what. After reading all of the stories, I know that I’m on the right track by preparing to leave this piece of work I’m married to for now.
Thank you for sharing your stories and helping others in similar situations.

written by Mother to an Angel, 23 October, 2008

Five years ago, I met the love of my life. Unfortunately, over the past five years, he’s cheated on me numerous times. We’ve broken up twice after I’ve caught him cheating, both break-ups lasting several months, during which we’ve both dated other people. But, after time, the anger fades, and I miss him terribly. We are not currently together, but have been talking seriously about yet another reconciliation. I know he loves me as much as I love him. I’ve given it serious thought and do believe he has a sexual addiction as we would have relations twice daily, and he still had the urge to cheat. He is willing to attend counseling, and I am willing to give him another chance. The question is...should I? He is a terrific father to our 3 year old daughter who loves her daddy with all her heart. I want us to be a happy family, but I don’t want to see her hurt if daddy can’t overcome his addiction, and the reconciliation fails.

written by Hurt & Angry, 26 October, 2008

I got out of the hospital after having major surgery to discover the proof my husband was cheating. I suspected because he was extremely jealous with me, and I kept catching him in small lies. He said he wanted to work it out. This discovery took place 4 days ago. Today he told me again he wanted to work things out.He has been telling me since the day of discovery that he ended it. I looked around the town he was staying in and found his vehicle. Parked in a dark parking lot. I called him and told him I needed to go to the hospital and I needed his help. He showed up to be dropped off at his vehicle by the girlfriend. Guess he was not too serious about working things out.....

written by tired of feeling hurt., 29 October, 2008

My husband and I had been married for almost 25 years when I found he’d been having an affair with a co-worker (who I had confronted him about but he had denied said she was interested but he wasn’t). Their affair lasted 10 months. 5 prior to me having a near death incident and continued health problems and they quit seeing each other for 2 weeks and started up again for another 5 months until the affair was exposed. He broke it off with her the next day after our 2 kids and I found out. I called her husband (know way she was going to have a happy family if she messed mine up. I know it takes 2 to Tango but this THING has had 8 affairs prior to my husband. she gets in their minds, talks about his interests and makes them sound like they have all these in common, changes her hair to look like mine, a player like you would not believe!!! Anyway, we have been to counseling, but it has been about1 1/2 years since I found out I pretty sure I know about all the details of the relationship they had. I’m having a hard time thinking it won’t happen again with her or someone else. We very rarely fought before, so this has been devastating to say the least!!!! Any suggestions?

written by Katrina, 23 November, 2008

Oh, my Lord, I also went through the same. I cannot imagine that all men did the same thing to all of us. They have a hard time confessing an working issues out.
My husband had cheated on me last year. I know he cheated for about four months, but he says it was not that long... ha-ha..dumb ass..
last March we got separated, he comes to my house now saying that he loves me that I am his only one and it takes a mistake sometimes for one to realize that his wife is a treasure. Yet sometimes he turns around accusing me of different things and telling me how we have different values in life, which is true, I love God and he loves weed and women, apparently. I would divorce him, but we have a 6 year old son and I keep thinking that yeah, everyone makes mistakes. And yet I hear all these women that forgive go through the same things short afterwords again. I don’t want to go over it again. I lost 12 pounds and almost lost my head if it wasn’t for my faith and friends who helped. I get flash backs all the time. He accuses me that I don’t come up to him to cuddle or something, but I don’t want to go into the fire, I get flashbacks when I get close to him. If he doesn’t understand that it’s just not enough time to demand anything from me yet, then perhaps I should just get divorced and move on.
I mainly wish for all of us to get rid of the pain completely despite if we stay married or end up divorced.

written by AFOOL, 24 November, 2008

A FOOL... that is how I feel. When I was young I learned to escape life by finding fantasy. As an adult I continued this habit (ADDICTION)... except it turned into ADULT fantasy (i.e PORN).. it started w/ thoughts and pictures... then topless bars.. Curiosity at nude bars and "gentleman’s clubs".. then with internet access chat came into play. As it progressed I started chatting, camming and more. As w/ any addiction, the hunger was still there and the "medication" was not enough. Finally it progressed to "oral" sex, but.. the president said it wasn’t sex..... What a cop out. Then finally the boundary was crossed. Unfortunately I didn’t get help then.... I kept right on going. I thought maybe I could just stop on my own... and never admit what I had done. Well I was WRONG.... I couldn’t stop on my own.... I have become a major hypocrite... I never thought I would go this low. Several things were waking me up.. but still I couldn’t get a grip. My wife found some stuff and confronted me. Finally I admitted to her that I had not only been looking at porn but also had physical intercourse w/ other women. My stupidity had come home to rest. I want the marriage to work...

I don’t want to be a Cheating Bas**rd. I want to be a loving husband, father, man of the community. I don’t want my tombstone to read.. "Here lies a cheater. We shot him dead in his bed.".... I’d rather have it read "Here lies a man who helped his fellow man. A man who was there for others and helped them over come and achieve." See my dream is to help others become all they can be in life. To face their problems and lives and learn ways to face what is wrong.

I’m sorry. I am praying that I truly have GODLY SORROW.. I want a Sorrow that leads to repentance.. A Sorrow that does NOT lead to regret. A sorrow that is willing to do whatever needs to be done. (if you have a Bible read 2 Corinthians 7:8-11) I truly want to live a new life.

I fear that my wife won’t want too make our marriage work. I fear that i have done irreparable damage. I wonder what would have happened had I invested myself in my marriage instead of in my addiction. If I had faced my shortcomings and worked on changing them instead of trying to avoid life.

God, I’m a mess.. PLEASE help me....

Thank you for listening to the other side.

written by I can’t get over it, 06 December, 2008

My husband and I have been together nine years. we have a three year old and a now-3 month old. He told me of his affair two months ago.
It took a month for the whole story to come out- I had to ask the questions. Every time he would say that he told me everything- and every time there would be more details that were necessary in comprehending their relationship.
He worked with her. They used to get together at work- eat lunch or dinner, and go somewhere private to talk. Their affair lasted 10 months. At first he said she was always just a friend-- but he never ever talked about her- so I believe it was not innocent from the start (like he likes to portray). He says she kept trying to kiss him and he would say no-but kept being with her because he thought he was in control and would not let anything happen. Then sure enough things did happen- Not the worst (that I know of anyway) but bad enough.
Its so hurtful. I really had no clue, I could feel him pushing away from me at the time- But he had been dealing with depression and hating his job for a few years. His depression really started to take over. I was really finding it hard to deal with him and support him- I felt so numb of hearing the same sorrows, I am human too and have a need for love and support- but could not get that from him. But through it all I really feel that I supported him the best I could- by listening and encouraging him- I called him at work, I prayed for him, I gave him letters and cards and gifts. I encouraged him to find the counselor that he goes to, I informed his family for their support, I helped look and apply for jobs for him.
The reason I write all this is because I look back and try to figure out why. WHY? I was committed to him an loving him. He was a tough person to love for a long time- but depression is no joke- and I knew I had to help him get out of his job and the evening shift he was working- then I thought he could be himself again-happy and confident and fun, caring. the man I fell in love with.

So the why question nags me- and why I think it happened is because he was weak- she was new- exciting- he was attracted to her- she to him- she came on to him over and over again- he allowed himself to be alone with her and open up to her and be there for her as well.
He wouldn’t even call it affair- I had to point out that having a private relationship with another woman, who calls you and emails you, eats with you, touches you sexually is an affair even if you did not sleep with her or kiss her (apparently- cause you never really know the truth).
Its really been a rough roller coaster and I cannot see how its going to get better. But he did confess to me and wants to be with me and our two babes. Its hard though. I feel like if we did not have kids I would have said goodbye. But I really believe its best for my kids that we stay together- as long as he is committed to me being the only woman in his life forever, and that I can trust, forgive him.
Its hard because he has confessed and wants to move on already. But I am having such a hard time with it. Its only been two months since I’ve found out ( He told me when our daughter was one month old). He started another job four months ago- loves it- he is much happier. He was never going to tell me- but he was still not happy after he started his new job because he kept thinking about it. A conscience is a good thing to pay attention to.
I look at pictures from this past year- when the affair took place- and thought- how he was lying to me, how we had good times together- yet the whole time he was lying and being deceptive. It cheapens the whole year for me. He didn’t only cheat on me- he cheated on our daughters- our baby that I was pregnant with at the time, God, our families.
oh yeah- and everyone thinks he is the greatest guy- you know a really good guy. But we aren’t telling anyone because people won’t forget and forgive-so we can move on. So its hard for me to be around family and friends.
We are going to a couples counselor. We just went to week three- and for me-its just scapegoating the tip of the iceberg. He really has moved on-I had a good week and a half where I thought i was going to be able to move on- but now I’ve slumped again. I look at him- I get annoyed. The way he does things annoys me. I hate when I am changing and he looks at me- he can sleep I cannot. ugh its hard to move on because I feel like hes not trying. He feels the cat is in the bag. And I am resentful because of everything I have gone through to help him- and he is not showing appreciation. Ugh anyway I could go on and on and on with how I feel.

written by nell..., 11 December, 2008

I just found out 2 nights ago that my husband of 15 yrs cheated on me with 24 yr old co-worker, that he claims he has no feelings for. I’m 33 and a mother of 4 boys one of which has special needs and stay home because of. I’m completely devastated, hurt, mad, and broken to the core. We have been together since high school and I thought he was the love of my life and that he would never do this to me. I thought our relationship was GREAT... I had no reason to even think that he had some void.

The only reason I found out is because I was playing with my son and taking pictures if us with his cell phone. Later in that night I grab his phone to delete the pictures that didn’t come out and I found ones from the girl he had sex with. One even had a comment on how "She missed his lips and his penis". I confronted him right away about it and he admitted to it immediately and told me had sex with her 3 times and it was already over. He said it happened back in the end of October, beginning of November.
I think he’s being very honest with me about it. Every question I ask, he answers, and the only thing I want to know is HOW does anyone recover from this.

I don’t want to stay but at this point I have no choice, I don’t work and our special needs son needs me. I don’t know what to do....but, I do want him to hurt like I do. Is that possible to do? Has anyone out there have revenge sex to hurt their other halves?

I do know that he never expected me to find out. His excuse to the affair was that he that it was great that he was still attractive and sexy to someone else besides me. He also said that it was a little fun to have some excitement back in his life since the last two yrs of it have been extremely stressful with the birth of our last 2 sons.
What the hell? Do we go out and have an affair just because we are lonely here at home raising our kids? I don’t even have an outlet....I don’t know what to do....I don’t think I can ever trust him again and worst feel the same love ever again with anyone.

written by Ch, 17 January, 2009

I have read every single post here with great care. My wife (of 1 year, we’ve been together for 8years) found emails revealing my affair two nights ago. She left the house and I haven’t seen her since. I love her and adore her with every fiber of my soul, so it is extremely hard to explain and understand why I did what I did. At first I was downplaying the actual sex and claimed it was all fantasy online. She of course saw right through it. I still denied in typical male fashion...the first emotional defense response I gather. I’ve been at home all day today, feeling like an utter failure at the only thing I cherish, my wife and our little life together?I can’t seem to rationalize my actions. Why did I do this? Our sex life had been waning the past year or so, corresponding with the affair, but that seems like such an easy out. I wrote my wife a 5 page hand written letter this morning, covered in tears. I spoke the whole truth this time, admitting to the sex in hopes of a full disclosure being the first step towards mending our broken marriage. I am so devastated by not seeing her face by my side this morning that I contemplated doing horrible things to myself, out of self pity. I called a therapist today and scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. I am hoping they will provide me with the tools necessary to fix me and repair my marriage. Cheating is the worst thing a partner can do. Why doesn’t the guilt overwhelm us? I’d appreciate any thoughts/advice on my situation. I worship my wife yet I still cheated. Is this purely and ego thing? Is it something I can overcome? Please help me...I’m immobilized by the shame and embarrassed at how I’ve treated my blameless partner.

written by Rahway, 18 January, 2009

My husband and I had been married for four years but been together for six year all together 10 yrs. In the summer my husband has the nervous to bring a women to our home when I question him he lied until I found her phone number and called her. My husband has been cheating on me with his coworkers from his school. He is also on adultfindfrinder. Just the other day he told me he was going to AC but I found out that he was in a hotel in Newark.
My husband meets people on adultfriendfinder an arrange to have sex. Before I cried and asked him to stop. He promise me that he would stop because he love me. I was a fool to believe that.
I came to realize that he will never change and I cannot effort to catch any disease.....I don’t know what to do....I don’t think I can ever trust him again and worst feel the same love ever again with anyone.
Am to the point that am going to cheat on him. Am tried of being faithful to someone who is not faithful to me. I did everything for him and this is how he repay me..........
* why did they have to invent cell phone*

written by Uncertain of what to do, 02 February, 2009

I want to work things out with him. I really do. But I’m starting to think his Other Woman was right on the money when she text-messaged him saying "She’ll never forgive you." We’ve been together now nearly 6 years (not married), and the last years of our relationship have been spent fighting over a struggling sex life and lack of a communication. When I found out about the affair ( right after Christmas 2008 ), I learned he has also planned to just end it with me but keep the details of the affair secret. This way he wouldn’t "hurt" me. Real shocker, I guess, because I always thought that, despite our problems, our friendship would have kept him honest--at least honest enough to tell me he was interested in another woman and needed to end things with me. Silly, I know, right? Like all the women (or men) above, I feel like a complete and utter fool.
Anyhow, my story is like every other story here, unfortunately. His side of the story is that he had been carrying on a flirtatious "friendship" with a co-worker for well over a year now. She pursued him (don’t they ALL seem to say that??). According to him they only recently slept together in December. However, as more details about the affair emerge (thanks only to my endless line of questioning), his story changes a little here and there. For example, he swore he never touched her intimately until November. I caught a discrepancy in his story and now he tells me that he "kissed" her as early as June. Consequently, I just don’t believe his overall story. As I said, I love him and wish it could work, wish I could just forgive him, especially since our relationship had been so miserable over the last few years. But I find it hard to forgive and forget when I can’t even rely on him to tell me the whole truth, no matter how painful. Each time his story changes, it’s like my wound (which starts to heal a little) gets ripped back open and I start obsessing about everything all over again.
Mostly, I’m obsessing about contacting her for the whole truth. Of course, I don’t know why I feel she would be any more honest, especially since she knew he had a girlfriend. For some reason I just want to talk to her and get her side of the story, too. I’m not angry with her at all. In fact, I feel a bit sorry for her that she put up with him lying and deceiving for as long as I did--only she knew about it and I didn’t. So I don’t know. Anyone ever spoke with the other woman? If so...what were the results?
Thanks..

written by summer regrets.., 12 February, 2009

Dear all..

I dont know how to get thru this state that im stuck into! ur posts made me cry. I can feel ur pain!

I was engaged to this jerk.. who later became my husband. we were engaged for 4 long ‘HARD’ years! years.. when I had soo many "Better" options readily available.. but I respected the commitment i had made. I saw nothing in him. no money, no education.. no looks. Nothing! I feel I got tricked! he made sure i felt that!

All that while.. he was trying his every chance, every stupid gimmick on establishing contact n relationship with some old class fellow who wasnt even interested in him. He used to tell me he "Loved" me.. n told her that he "loves" her n that "I" love him n he’s just stuck with me!

he tried this crap TILL we got married (my greatest regret!) n saw her exactly a month later for sum "Work"!

when one day i finally bursted.. he said it was she who wanted him (what a daydreamig loser!)

I cant.. Just CANT.. bring myself to trust him ever again!
He broke my heart!
I dont feel anything like "Love" for him. he washed it off me!
caused me more grief, more regret.. than anything/anyone ever did!

I feel like a fool.. for having him as my "husband"!

can somebody help me....Please?!?!

written by Still hurting, 19 February, 2009

So many of these sounded soo familiar. It’s been more than two years since confirmation of his AFFAIRS. All the same stories, I was imagining things, just friend, lies, lies, and more lies. The worst one was the one with the woman(I usually use a different term for her that starts with a w) from yes CHURCH. I saw what was going on brought it up with him and was told I was imagining things. They were just friends, they worked for the kids in the youth group, on and on and on...If I saw what was going on and they say that the wife is the last to find out, then all those hypocrites at church never said anything to me or them while professing to be a friend. Truly will NEVER step inside a church again. I still think about it daily and regret not leaving him when I confirmed the infidelity. I’m trying now to deal with realizing that regret. I know there is nothing special about me to him because he so easily lied and slept with another woman. I HATE them both and am just going through the motions of daily life. We went through counseling and are still together but he made it clear that it will happen again. I’m just trying to survive. I don’t trust him, never will and he is probably still sneaking around behind my back. Maybe some day I’ll get the courage to leave. That will be the day our children find out exactly what their father is all about.

written by Shocked, 25 February, 2009

Ladies please DO NOT believe men when they say they didn’t or aren’t sleeping with the other woman. IT IS A LIE. I was shocked when I found out. He even swore on our 3 yr. old son and his mother’s life. It took me 2 yrs. to finally get it out of him. I told him that I confronted (Christina Engler) the other woman and she told me after an hour what seemed like an interrogation that they did have sex. More than 100 times. Then he admitted it. Yes, they worked together they still do at Demdaco in Leawood Kansas. He says it’s over who knows I won’t they work together.

written by hurt and probably in denial, 06 March, 2009

I am engaged to the man that I do want to marry. We have been together for almost 5 years. He sponsored me to immigrate to his country, which was denied, I was deported and we are living in my homeland under my sponsorship for him. We have been through so much together. The last two months he has been lying to me. I just found out after reading his emails. His co-worker kept texting him all hours of the night. Of course, like other people say above, he started to turn off his phone when he was home. He has admitted to hanging out with her too much and even gone on dates. He still claims he did not sleep with her. Do I believe this? He has bought me flowers and apologized for this. He has been on his best behavior and constantly tries to re-assure me. but now it is five days later and I can’t help it. I don’t trust him. How can I marry a man I don’t trust.
Will I ever be able to trust him again? I really want to. I just can’t imagine that what we have built so far will be destroyed so quickly.
I will trust him again... right?

written by Halia, 10 March, 2009

Hello! It is a sad thing to scroll down endlessly reading all our soc stories and open heart geysers filled with raw pain and hurt like others who have not experienced what you and I have do not know how to begin to feel! What is an observation is that many of you are still with or trying to stay with but in your own words echo the sounds you know you should NOT do so> I come from a 24 year marriage where I was in a great marriage and life and 2 grown kids and both at home and all was great until Jim had an affair and reveal omn Oct. 6 08. He left and was goofy in his talks on phone and few meetings but absent for last 3 months since he is intolerant of our contempt and anger and disgust at his choosing to be with old Polish woman that he once knew when he was 12 AND HASN’T SEEN UNTIL SHE GOOGLED HIM IN NOV. 07
I ask you if he lives in Vancouver BC and each week-end travels east 2000kms to boink her in Toronto at age 52 do you think this is true LOVE? I have decided he is messed in the head and am on 3 different meds for heart since the fall and can’t face the make-up and listen to the load of crap and since I have been the talker and emotional caretaker in the relationship ALWAYS I AM NOT INTERESTED TO DO THIS ON A GUT- WRENCHING LEVEL ‘POST MORTEM’ ASSUMING HE ARRIVES AT THAT POINT WHICH HE HAS NOT. SOME OF YOUR EXPERIENCES HAVE SOLIDIFIED IN MY MIND I AM CORRECT AND cannot PUT UP WITH THAT FOR THE trust ISSUE IS CRUSHING ME. WISH YOU CAN STAND BACK AND RE-EVALUATE AND THINK IF IT WAS A GUYS COLUMN WRITING....MOST WOULD BE GONE OR PACKING AND MANY OF US NEED TO RE-THINK THE PURPOSE OF SHOWING YOUR CHILDREN YOUR VALUES (i HAVE TOO)AND HAPPINESS DENIED IS JUST CRAP! MAY YOU ALL BE BLESSED AND WORK TOWARDS PERSONAL HAPPINESS! CIAO HALIA

written by Isaac, 11 March, 2009

It is sort of sad to read through this entire list of heartbroken people and know you’re one of them. And it’s the same old story, just the details change.

For those of you who have been worrying about this for several days or weeks, be aware that unless you totally believe the cheater has come clean with you, then this problem NEVER goes away. Every time they are late home from work, or go on a trip, or act the least bit odd, it will trigger you.

And for the very unfortunate people here who have malicious cheaters to deal with, they will make you feel crazy. And you love them, or at least start off loving them, so you believe their lies. And you let them off the hook.

For me, it is my wife that cheated on me with an international co-worker. I have no proof they did anything physical, but I have proof she emotionally cheated on me (sexual emails and texts). And I called her to the mat on lying to me about what she was doing one night, and she told lie on top of lie to make it look like she was being honest. For me, I still love her, so I can’t be mean enough to really get her to perjure herself. She is having a hard time at work and with her family. But isn’t that almost always the case...

So I live with it. It’s been a YEAR, and I still don’t know the truth about what happened. I have her sanitized version of the truth, which is the bare minimum to connect the dots I have. Funny how it’s never worse than you imagined when it comes from the cheater.

And I’m mature enough to know that if you dig hard, no matter on who, then you’ll find something you don’t like. You should be able to give your spouse SOME space to live their lives. But not if what they are doing breaks your heart. If what they are doing truly bothers you, then they should have the respect to either not do it, or be honest about it if they are. i.e. Negotiate it to some level you’re comfortable with. For example, my wife often has to go out to dinner with customers on her company’s business. So it’s sort of difficult for me to be upset that she’s in a bar drinking with a customer. The line for me is when she lies to me about what she is doing. If she told me the truth, it wouldn’t bother me.

ADVICE TO THE CHEATER

If there are any cheaters reading this thread, then here’s my suggestion. Take the day off work. Sit down on the sofa and wait for your partner to come in. Have them sit with you and tell them you have something horrible to tell them. And then TELL THEM THE TRUTH. EVERY BIT OF IT. If you do this, then you will be able to salvage your honesty and integrity. They probably already know some of what is going on, and the things you will tell them will confirm their suspicions. Be sure to tell ALL of it.

The natural course for them to take is to be very suspicious of you and question your every move... for a while. If you want to salvage your relationship, truly repair it, then you need to be ready for that. And that means you better come completely clean on what you did.

If you read through this huge page of broken hearts, the common thread is, the people here want to know the truth. They want to know the details so they can put this to rest. If they are still willing to love you after you’ve aired ALL your skeletons, then count yourself lucky and your relationship will almost certainly be better for it. If they can’t forgive you, then what do you care? You can go live your life however you want. And then they are free to live theirs however they want.

written by bambi, 02 April, 2009

thank you all. this thread had helped me move on..

written by Rab, 01 June, 2009

I thought my husband was doing something with someone, but since he was always sneaky and covering his butt, it was hard to know. I left him for a trial separation and went to another state. I was getting emails to come home and he missed me. However, the sneaky part never changed. On May 17, I got a call from the police that he had been in an accident on his Harley and had a passenger. He was in critical condition and died the next day at age 57. I drive back to our house to find a car in my spot in the garage. On the table was a card with happy anniversary and "one year" written in. She is also 57. I had no idea this woman was in his life and they had gone to college together in the 70s and met up at a conference. I suppose while I was taking care of his mother, horses, etc, he was having this fling with her. Found Viagra in his briefcase. I called her sister using a number I found on her cell which was in the car. Her sister wanted to chat. I called hr sister a whore and told her to get the damn car out of my garage before I had it towed. I went through the funeral and did it all and found out there was no will nor money. This woman is in rehab and I have no idea of her condition after the wreck nor the extent of her injuries.
But I am angry and that anger overrides the grief. I don’t like feeling this anger to a dead person. But the betrayal and lying and all I found out due TO his death is so painful. i can’t do anything now or even say what I need to say. There is no closure. To this woman I say...Karma!

written by been there, 07 June, 2009

I am so sorry that all of you here are suffering so much. Been there -- done that. It is now seven years later and I still have bad days, but I keep it to myself. My relationship with my husband will never be the same, I can see that. My advice is, if you are financially able-get out now. Go and get a better life for yourself.

written by I thought I was alone, 29 June, 2009

I recently stumbled upon a secret email account on our home computer. My husband left it open. In it I found thousands of emails from every dating site known to mankind. Many of them were sexually explicit. I also found dozens of emails he had sent asking women to meet him for sex. He swears that email is as far as it ever went, and all the digging I have done since has uncovered only the same, but it hurts. I keep looking for more and he gets frustrated by that. He gave me his email password and I have gone through them and even contacted a couple of the women via email. Both told me the same thing, but I still can’t trust him. The emails started two years ago, and my youngest child is six months old. I haven’t told anyone because I don’t know who to tell and am afraid to tear my family apart. Part of me thinks that he already has. I never dreamed he would do this to me. We have been together for nine years. I am so sorry that so many people have gone through this, but also so thankful to hear your stories. It really helps. Thanks.

written by Still Here, 02 July, 2009

My husband and I have been married for about 3 1/2 years and I have proof of my husband having emotional affairs. To me it has destroyed our marriage. I love him, also he pays bills, a good father with my 2 children, and he cleans, cooks and seems to really be trying. He admits that he knows he has hurt me bad but I really don’t trust him. He calls all through the day on his breaks to let me hear his voice but after he talked to other women all I do is think of the bad things and I don’t see how I could ever get over this. It’s like you get married thinking one thing, but it just kills the trust when someone cheats. It’s a strange situation because if he had never talked to other women I would be happy but now I think we won’t make it unless my heart is healed. Can someone give me any advice?

written by me too, 03 July, 2009

Yep me too, after 21 years of marriage and 2 kids...He was a religion major in college. Started our marriage together as a youth pastor. You can’t trust anyone. He isn’t even remorseful. Deny deny deny...then when I show him proof (yep, emails...good ole’ emails). We made a vow to God. I kept my vow even when we had troubles...he just gave up and didn’t want counseling. Why? Because he didn’t think it would work. Why was I not worth trying for? Silence. He won’t answer. He won’t give me any answers. After looking at all these posts...how can I ever think there is real, true love? Men think with their "you know whats." I will never trust again. How can I give more than 25 years together...21 married, two children...all I had emotionally to the point of depression because I was the only one working on this marriage and didn’t realize it. He would get mad at me for spending money if I bought a Bible study book or prayer book. Some religion major. Thank God he is no longer working in churches. BTW, I worked for a church for 8 years and they turned their backs on me to support him. It’s a man’s world out there. I found myself a new church. I have given up on "church people" and "men" but not on God. My pain has been very terrible, but reading your posts...it helps me to not feel so alone. Thank you all for sharing.

written by I don’t know, 28 July, 2009

I found out in November that my husband had been cheating on me for 1 year with a coworker who he claimed was "just a friend" and that she was " nasty and ugly..and would never do anything with her." We have been married for 10 years and have two children. I found out by her daughter and husband. I couldn’t believe it! She is 11 years older than me and is ugly! I have asked for the truth..I get little pieces here and there, but then the story changes. I gave him a second chance and was trying to work things out, until May I got a letter on my car at work and pictures that he sent of him naked to her. In the letter she described everything the did when and where. He still denies things. He had said it was over in November but continued the affair with her until May. How can I ever trust him again? I am so confused! He wants me to forgive him and make our marriage work. I don’t know if I want to.

written by bentley, 07 August, 2009

Yeah...i certainly relate to all the hurt, confusion and pain all of you went through. My boyfriend of 5 years had an affair in the second year of our relationship with an older woman. She came to us under the pretense that she wanted to go into business with us but ended up as my boyfriends floozy. I confronted her about it and she had the nerve to tell me i was not good enough and that is why my boyfriend went to her. though the affair ended, he remained buddy buddy with her and still continues. this hurts me very much but i don’t think he cares about my hurt. Two years later, he had been saying that he wanted to get married but at the same time grew very distant to me. We used to be best friends and hang out together. He traveled a lot in his job and often used to travel with me. Suddenly that stooped, i was now just left behind and the travels became more frequent. when he was away, he wouldn’t answer my calls instantly but would call me back later, probably when he moved away her. I remember at some stage when he was away and he complained that i hadn’t called him to which i had said that the cause was that he would not answer my calls so i just stopped.Months later, he was away and cause we work together,i needed something on his PC. i could not believe what i saw on his mails. He was having a full on affair with a co worker, she was even hinting on having babies with him. the emails dated back almost a year before.i confronted him about it and he could not deny it as it was obvious and all the evidence was there. he said he had ended it but again after months, i found a text message from his phone to her saying "i love you VERY MUCH"...this after we recently got engaged! he said he was sorry and that i should see him as a new person who has turned over a new leaf, and i don’t know how this works but you just believe him and try to forgive him but the hurt and pain remains.I caught him out about 5 times after that and each time he said the same thing. Now a year into our marriage, we swapped phones, thinking he had deleted everything, i found a folder with all outgoing calls ever made on that phone and yes...her number was the most dialed and it went on as recent as now. i think i am coming to realize that my husband is actually in love with this girl. when i confronted him about the recent calls, he said he felt guilty about what he had done to her and that she was losing her mind but i know that is just bullshit! i don’t know how i feel anymore. is it a matter of denying what is there staring at me in the face. i dont seem to matter to him.it seems the other girl matters to him more than i do. i dont know why he married me, i feel he married me for some reason unknown to me cause i am the least person he cares about. what do i do now. i don’t know. what do you do when its evident that your husband is in love with another woman? am i a fool or am i acting like one?..you tell me, cause i am lost for words or explanations.

written by hanging by a thread..., 08 August, 2009

Hello everyone. I’m so very sorry for all of the pain that all of you are enduring. I just don’t understand it... cheating.

My husband cheated on me one month short of our one year anniversary...

He hid it from me for the following six months as he progressively began to withdraw himself emotionally from the relationship.

At that six month mark... he told me that he wanted to sell our home in order to save money. When we got a buyer, he told me that he wanted to separate. I was shocked... told him that I wouldn’t divorce him for any other reason other than infidelity, that he was stuck with me and that we could get through whatever it was that was telling him to end it. He still didn’t tell me at that point. We had two weeks to be out of our house... the whole two weeks I was thinking that he’d change his mind and everything was going to be okay. The day he got all of his stuff out... he finally told me that he cheated and that’s why he wanted out. He just told me and left... he didn’t want to talk about it.

After a lot of prayer and counsel, I decided that I was going to try and make it work before giving up. After twisting his arm to stay and try too... we gave it a whirl for the past four years.

A week ago, he told me that he’s been talking to his ex randomly over the past two years. He said that it’s innocent, and granted, she does live in a different state... but he told me that he has confided everything in her. I feel so betrayed again.

I asked him to tell her not to contact him anymore, out of respect for his wife. He told me that wasn’t necessary since he’s always the one who initiates contact with her. I asked him to do so anyways... and he said no, that he didn’t want me to see her phone number because it was hers and personal. I told him that I was his personal wife and that the things that he talks to her about are none of her business. He said that when he tells her, he’s making it her business.

This is a nutshell story...

I have to be completely honest that the only thing holding me back from leaving him... the only thing that has EVER held me back from leaving him, is that I really don’t want to disappoint God. I know that he gives us permission to divorce in the case of marital unfaithfulness... but I forgave him back then for it and made the decision to try and make it work... am I still able to leave for marital unfaithfulness? And in this new situation, with him talking to his ex... is that considered cheating?

At the end of the day I know that I’m going to have to answer to God for my decision, and I just want to make the right one.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for caring enough to read what’s on my heart.

I want to leave... especially after reading all of these posts. I think it’s for the best, for sure. I just don’t know if my reason is still justified biblically. Any advice? Thank you.

written by devastatedwifeandmom, 20 August, 2009

Hi. My husband confessed to cheating with a prostitute 1.5 years ago. He is a sex addict. I have caught him with porn (he is a Christian) at least twice every years of our 11.5 years of marriage. He has lied about many things, not just porn or his prostitute. I know that I have the truth now because i had him take a polygraph. I don’t want to be with him anymore. All I feel is anger, distrust, and dislike. But, we have a 10 yr old son and I do not want to destroy him. It has only been a month and I don’t know how I am supposed to make it work for another 8 years. HELP! Just like previous poster, I know God will let me out of the marriage because of the infidelity but there are Christians that make it through this. I am questioning myself now. Am I not a true Christian since all I can think about is leaving him? Should I leave him? I hate him for putting me through this. Cheaters are very selfish people. Narcissistic JERKS!

written by Navy Wife, 21 August, 2009

last month in July about the 10th or so, i found out my then boyfriend (husband now) cheated on me 5 years ago with Di ( Celes on myspace). it hurt and i am still devastated. she claims i "knew" about it from her ex-husband Ricky, but i hadnt talked to him or had anything to do with him since 2003, when she went after Chris the first time. she also claimed that she "thought" we werent together, how can that be if i was talking to her on the phone at the time? she knew we were together.

a scandalous whore will always be scandalous. i wish her all Karma has to offer, because what goes around always comes back around.

now, Chris spent 5 years telling me i was crazy, because i swore he cheated on me. i had no proof so i kept trying to let it go, but my instinct knew better and wouldnt. he is a liar and a cheat. he knew that if he had told the truth, i would have walked away from him and went back to TX. there are no words to describe the pain and humiliation i feel at being stabbed in the back by him. he did the one thing i begged him absolutely not to do. when i found out the truth, he proceeded to lie and try to hide it. he swore on everything, including me and the kids, that it never happened. he went so far as to "doctor" the email conversation he had with her. she sent me the real unedited version, so he got caught.

in the email, they laughed and made a joke of me and my feelings. it is like destroying me meant nothing, so why the hell should i feel hurt and betrayed. they had the nerve to feel affronted by my agony at being a wrecked person, like i had no right to feel like that. my pain and suffering was their amusement. i feel subhuman and disgusting now. i have no self-esteem and all my self-worth is gone. i dont want to even look at myself. i wish i was dead most days. it is so very hard.

written by Tyshawn, 27 August, 2009

My husband of 34 years admitted to affair with a woman in our neighborhood. This is the 3rd affair in our marriage. Additionally, he’s a recovering alcoholic for the past 8 years. She is also in his AA group, nice, right. I think it’s time to the end the marriage and file for divorce. He wants to stay married. Unbelievable. Is there life after all of this hurt and pain?

written by Can’t stop crying, 27 August, 2009

I asked my husband of 9 1/2 years why it had been a month since we’d had sex and he had a very vague response. Granted his mother had just passed and he’d had finals at school, so I assumed that it had something to do with that...but we all have needs right? My husband doesn’t go 2 days without bugging me for sex, so to go cold-turkey, I knew something had to be wrong. So I logged into his email account and there in his sent items (forgot to delete it) was 2 emails to Personal ads for sex on Craigslist. Of all things – he’s sending emails to skanks on Craigslist for sex. Not to mention, he sent these emails the very day we got on a plane to go bury his mother. When I confronted him with the question "How long have you been cheating on me?" he acted like I was high. I asked him 3 times before I grabbed the emails I printed out and threw them at him. He denied writing them! I mean, what kind of moron denies writing an email – in their name, with their cell phone #? Really? So when he finally realized he was being stupid in denying them he copped up to writing them but said he never met with anyone and he’s never cheated on me...blah, blah, blah. Then he turns it back on me, that he doesn’t want to have sex with me because I have gained weight. (BTW, I had a weight loss surgery 3 yrs ago and spent 10k to do so, so I’m not exactly not doing anything about it) but he says since he doesn’t see me doing anything about it, that it is affecting his desire for me. So, of course I feel like a piece of crap, but that does not excuse the behavior. He has emotionally and mentally cheated on me (IF he hasn’t actually screwed someone) but he doesn’t seem to see it that way. The problem is I am a fiercely independent person and never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be difficult to leave someone who cheated. But I cannot get over how much I love him and don’t not want him in my life. But, when is it enough? When he actually does cheat (if he hasn’t already?) I am just sick to my stomach, haven’t eaten a thing in 2 days and can’t function. My 7 yr old daughter is my only strength, but I’m losing it. I just don’t know what I should do. I NEED to separate but that’s not what I WANT to do. I can’t even imagine not living with him in my life. This is so f-d up.

written by winter2, 28 August, 2009

I just can’t believe this!!!! I have read many of your comments after discovering my husband of 17 years is having an affair and is a porn addict and I had no idea! Yes I am tremendously hurt and angry, especially after giving up my careers to further his.

It seems that men cannot be monogamous. How do we then raise our sons to be different? My son does not know what my husband has been up to. I try to convince my son that it is important to be truthful with people, but...I believe our husbands are not truthful because they want to keep us at home for some reason while they explore sex with other women.

What also bothers me after reading all your stories is, it takes two to Tango!! Who the hell are these women who fall for a married man and believe their lies about their wives. Are there that many stupid women out there?

written by winter2, 28 August, 2009

To hanging by a thread,

I am so sorry for your pain. But I feel you must do what feels right for you. God will understand. You have tried and tried. I don’t believe men can be monogamous even if they want to be.
You only have one life to live. Live it full and happy and give to the people who will receive you with joy.

written by Neelam, 05 September, 2009

I am in deep pain. My husband cheated on me. This is the worst feeling in the whole world. Someone whom you trusted with all your heart has cheated behind your back. He never used to treat me the way i wanted to...he always ignored me and he was talking and smsing me 90 sms per day??? This thing has broken me. He says they she was her ex colleague and that they havent met in a while but i know he is lying. I know they used to meet and were physical as well. The fact that he is not ready to discuss it hurt me most. I cannot leave as i hve a baby and i luv him. I want to work things out but he is not helping me out. He has always been a closed book for me and is still not ready to open. This is upsetting me most. I used to crave for his attention, love care and he is giving all that to some other gal?? i am heartbroken. He is not ready to talk discuss wat was b/w them, 90 sms per day??? can they have a normal conversation?? i dnt want to leave him. I cant live with him....what should i do??

written by beentheretoo, 25 September, 2009

He needs to open up to you and tell you everything..nothing hurts more than secrets.

Its bad enough they cheat, then they lie..i guess it goes hand in hand.....

My husband cheated last year....I never believed he would do it....no matter how bad it got between us, it still blows me away he could touch another.....

She was a viscous witch..when she realized she couldnt get him..he wasnt leaving..she called and told me all kinds of things...which he denies of course....but still...the images she put in my mind.....mind games...my husband put me out there, all I feel is pain..hurt and unrest......I am stuck too, my son, loves him very much...I am here, for his sake mostly....I could care less if I never saw my husband again...I love him so much, it hurts when i look at him...I cant stand to look at him....hes gone all day today, and I feel "freedom".....I know, I will leave him one day...he knows this too....i hear him at night, begging me to stay and to love him back......

They just dont know how they destroy us.

written by wasawife, 01 October, 2009

They really don’t know how this hurts. My husband just thinks it’s our usual type of argument. Stupid. Stupid. He thinks I’ll forget. He now going thru missing her stage. I guess he really misses lying & every deception he made to get w/ her. Ha Ha. funny when it’s out in the open & there is no secret to keep it’s not as fun

written by hehasanewbabywithanotherwoman, 06 October, 2009

a few weeks ago my husband left his cell phone unattended....someone named Caroline kept calling it..who was she? Unable to resist I checked his inbox....found messages from 4 different women...one talking about his baby daughter having 2 new teeth! I stewed for 2 days then rang the numbers. One woman rang me back to ask me if I was inquiring about him...then told me she had known him two years and never known he was married. He had been with someone named Sara who had got pregnant and had a baby. She had denied it was him due to family fear (different culture and religion) but as time went by the baby became undeniably like him. So behind my back he was going for DNA testing and using these women to get the baby for him. He had all the gear for the baby at their house and was constantly lying about where he was. Problem was he took our 7 year old son to meet his baby sister...poor little guy went and told his teacher who was puzzled and asked me who the baby sister was? My son would also say "where is Daddy?" I know...he went to see Sara and the Baby. His father said that his son was a liar...that the women were liars...that there was no Sara and no baby...
then he woke me in the middle of the night to tell me it was an "accident" 5 minutes of foolishness and that he needed me to help him. Now he is carting the baby round town showing her off, all proud. I am looking after her and she is beautiful...the mother is apparently not interested in her (according to him) and he wants to get her permanently so we are "one happy family". He has yet to say he is sorry....and told me that "you need to get over it". How can I trust him...is he just using me to look after his kids?

written by worriedwife, 12 October, 2009

I’ve been married to my husband for a year and trust issues have been a problem. We lived in different countries and i moved to his soon after the marriage. The first few weeks I discovered that he was communicating with an ex girlfriend and that they were staying together just the day before we moved to the new house. I wasn’t happy with the communications and he’d lie to me that she wanted something. Apparently that woman wasn’t told that he was married until 6 months after I raised the issue up to his mother. He bought her christmas presents and I discovered. He denied until I just walked away so that he sorts himself out. I forgave him and got back to him. he had promised to erase all her contacts and cut communications but this never happened.Iput up with it but was really hurting inside.The phone calls from him cut down only to discover that the had reverted to chatting. I confronted him about the chats but would always get angry that i sniff through things to destroy the relationship. I was so suspicious because of te way he’d shout down his chat windows or send me somewhere so that he’d sign out from his chat accounts. I called the girl one time and she never answered my phone but reported to him that someone has been calling her.he shouted at me and was blamed for starting issues yet my concern was to save my marriage.
one night I had gone to sleep at my mother’s house, he was okay with me going there at first but started complaining the day before. When I got back I realized he had brought a woman into the house as he had hidden most of my stuff.I could tell he was tampering with my things because his was still intact. Something that the woman claimed to to be hers had disappeared from the house that’s what raised my eyebrows. The woman had forgotten her shaving stick in my bathroom. i found 2 face towels in his bathroom and he had washed our linen and bath towels but our laundry basket was full with dirty clothes and he had never done laundry ever since we got married!!i picked superstore receipts where he bought wine, popcorn and had an eat-in lunch at some restaurant. He lied when I confronted him, i was told very long stories but was blamed for snipping again!! he said what if i just had a romantic night with someone since you had gone to your mother’s house.I felt so betrayed like someone had struck me with a knife in the stomach. i was hoping he’d see that he had really hurt me but he didn’t for a week but just apologised for the way he had been behaving. I couldn’t put up with it so I just left. I love this man with all my heart and want to spend my life with him but he can’t let go of the ex. he says he’s sorry for all the communications with this woman and wants us to sort things out and me to come back home. Is it worth giving my marriage another chance??

written by notsurewhattodo, 28 October, 2009

Well, I never thought I’d find myself here. Never thought my husband could do this. My story may not be as extreme as all of the ones that I’ve spent the last hour reading but my heart is broken all the same. I had a hunch...no clue why but found my husband chatting on facebook with one of his old classmates. He didn’t say anything terrible but did say that she had a "hot" body and that her husband was a lucky man. I’d NEVER heard my husband talk that way in my life! I’ve known him for 13 years and been with him for 8. Never have I heard him say someone was "hot". He’s pretty out there. A total comedian and always entertaining. And, yes, he’s hot but I think he’s completely insecure. Nobody would know that but me. Anyway...this tempted me to check his phone records. He had 100 texts one day to a girl that had recorded in our studio. So...she was a CLIENT. I never thought this girl attractive in the least but always thought she had the hots for my husband. You know how you just know, ladies? But honestly, I wasn’t intimidated by her in the least. Well I confronted him about these texts and he confessed that they had been "sexting". They sent naked pictures to each other and this went on from late afternoon until 4am. Then they had a phone call so that he could hear her...you know. It makes me so sick!! I cannot believe he is capable. I really don’t know where to go from here. The worst thing was that she’s been in our home...in our studio...locked away with him for 8 hours at a time. Am I supposed to believe that they were never physical? My gut says differently but he swears that he’s told me everything. I’m not sure how to put these feelings to bed. Let me say, I love my husband. I really do. Even though I’m hurt, to see the pain in his face when he was finally caught really hurt me. I didn’t feel the need to make him hurt any more than he already was. But I’m not sure that I’ll ever trust him again. The littlest things trigger anger within me. Tonight it was running across a picture of her. Let me also say that I contacted this girl after I found out. I wasn’t mean. I sent her a text and said that I apologized for my husband’s behavior. That I wasn’t blaming her. If he were to come on to me, I would have jumped at the opportunity as well. He’s hot and I understand that. I told her that I was going to forgive her and that I really hoped that she’d think twice about hurting the next married woman because I was going to be suffering for a long time. She immediately called me apologizing and said that she didn’t know what to say but that she didn’t want me to think that there was anything physically more attractive about her and that it wasn’t about that. First of all...then what was it about? I’ll admit, I think I’m more attractive than her but I have no idea what that comment means? Anyway, I told her that I was going to forgive her because that is what God would want me to do. She told me that she had just been cheated on and was getting even. The piece of advice that I can share is that it actually felt good to forgive her. She felt even more horrible that I wasn’t that angry crazy wife that wanted to crush her skull. I think it actually made her cry that I could fathom being nice to her after what she’d done. Don’t make a mockery of yourself. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have told her husband if she had one. But I wouldn’t do it in a destructive fashion. I’d do it in a way to protect another. So now on to life with the husband now. We’re working on it. It’s hard to have someone look at you like you are their world and then to think of what they’re capable of but I think I have to have faith that God will reconcile these things for me. I think that all husbands that cheat aren’t necessarily going to do it again and that sometimes it takes something like that to realize that they might actually lose you and to force them to look at you in the light you should have been cherished in all along. I’m choosing to give it to God and see what happens. I know that no matter what, He’ll lead us in the right direction. I pray for the peace of everyone on this board. My love and many hugs to you all as you heal and move forward. We’re all moving together!

written by Ellan, 03 November, 2009

I came online and google "handling cheating husband" and really didnt think I would find all these stuff, it took me a while to read them thru but I did. IT HAPPENED TO ME TOO. I think it has been happening for years with a baby sitter we had for my second child, that he claimed he was not in touch with. I had so much problem finding one for our last child. He never let on that he knew where to find her. I drove up to a coffee shop a few months ago and there they were together, holding each other in a compromising position. Of course he lied, "first time they seeing each other after yrs" I did my digging and found he bought her a car in his name and rent an apartment put her and her child in (not his child). I have his 3 kids, I am a Dr. I dnt really need him, BUT I LOVE d man! I went off to study after the second child we lived apart for 3 years during this time. She was the one working at my home I went home most weekends. How it happened I really dont know. should i stay or leave. I go out and work late these days but it does not help the issues need to be resolved and I know not where to start, he denies everything the car the apartment but I have the proof that he makes the monthly payment, its in his name. He is now GM of the company he works with. He wants me and wants to make up but his idea of coming clean is sick, sick sick. I quit the counseling cause all he does is lie. changing his story every week. My daughters say stay, my son has no idea what is happening around him.

written by the other woman, 06 December, 2009

I’m sorry, I’m tearing up because I feel your pain and it’s awful because I’m the other woman and the wife is clueless.

I’ve ended it several times, I’m sorry.

written by moreen, 02 January, 2010

My husband has cheated a few times, he only came out with one, i thought we were starting over, i found out he is no Plenty of fish dating site, and i read the messages, i ask him if he was looking n he keeps telling me i am the only one, but them sends a message to he calling her hon, telling her he is single, n wants her, i told him many time he can be single, i have cried to him, i cry all the time, i want to ask him to go but then i dont, i love him n wish he loved me the same. what should i do

written by threesome_gone_bad, 26 January, 2010

my story is a bit different than all the others, but i wanted to share and get your thoughts on the matter. a while back my wife and i had a threesome with one of her friends, which they attacked me while i was sleeping. my wife loved every minute of this and told me how hot it was. last weekend we were out drinking and on the way home in the limo, one of her friends started making out with her (keep in mind she is sitting right next to me), then i started making out with her friend thinking here we go again another threesome, well her friend turned all her attention onto me and started having sex with me. my wife was making out with another women next to me while this other female is going to town with me. alcohol had a big part in all this. this type of activity is not anything that i would normally see myself par-taking in. now after all this she says that she can’t stand to be around me and has been staying away from the house. i am confused at the whole situation, i feel horrible about what happened but at the same time am confused as to why if she wasn’t ok with all this happening, then why didn’t she slap me to bring me back to reality? i would never cheat on my wife, it just isn’t in me to be a cheater. the fact that she was right there next to me making out with another girl and is making me out to the bad guy. i would like to hear from everyone here what they think about this situation. i am not trying to say i was in the right, i know that and feel horrible about it, but i just don’t see how i am the bad guy here. i mean yes i had sex with another women, but so did she. this was a threesome that went bad. sure every guy wants to have a threesome, but when it came down to it, i really never wanted to be involved in one. please can any shed any light on this or has anyone ever been in this type of situation before and how in the hell did they get through it?

written by Marie88, 29 January, 2010

So 3 days ago I found out that my husband of 3 years cheated on me while I decided to go home for 6 weeks. Because our marriage wasn’t doing so well and we both thought we needed a little space. He is in the air force and my family lives thousand of miles away. Well, before I left I told him that this wasn’t a break and that I needed to figure out what is best for our 18 moth old daughter. Well, when I was home I checked out phone bill and saw a number repeated plenty of times. I decided to call and got her VM. Well, I went on his myspace and she had sent him images off the internet saying she wanted him. I confronted him and he said that it was just a girl he met at the gym and that it was nothing. That she liked him and was obsessed with him. Well, a couple days ago I decided to ask her myself. Apparently they had sex 4 times from what she said. But, after her trying to threaten him with showing me a picture he told me the truth. He says they only had sex one time in a hotel and that he stopped talking to her because he felt a guilt for doing this. I don’t know if to believe her because I have heard she is a psycho. Also, he said that she got revengeful when he told her that he was getting back with me. I feel crushed, heart broken and disappointed. He says that I have to understand that he thought it was over and that we were on a break. I’m not convinced about making it seem ok just because we needed some time apart. He never told me it was over or that he wanted to see other people. I believe we were still married and we never had an agreement that it was ok to do this. In my eyes its wrong and I’m so confused about what to do. Yes, I have been here 3 months before finding out this. He said he wanted to tell me in his own terms and that he was afraid to lose me and my daughter for good. He was planning to tell me when our marriage was better. He seems really sorry and is sooo afraid I’m going to leave. What do you think I should do?

written by unbearably heartbroken, 01 February, 2010

I just found out that my husband got a prostitute while in Singapore for work for 3 weeks in November on his LAST night there. Our marriage has been great, we’ve been together for 15.5 yrs and married 6.5 and have 2 daughters. He has always re-assured me that I had nothing to worry about and I trusted him completely. On Jan. 7th he got a call on his cell phone and he immediately went downstairs. I knew it was the doctors office & confronted him as to why they were calling him on his cell, it was suspicious. I let it go.

He works for 3 weeks at a time in another state and then is home for 3 weeks. This weekend I was going through our mail and opened up a statement from the medical center we go to and there it was...he had gone in for HIV/STD testing. I called him at work and confronted him and of course he tried to deny it until I told him the info came to our door for me to see and he admitted it. His response is what stunned me, he seemed more disappointed that he was caught. He even said to me, "you just had to dig" and I responded that I didn’t have to.

I’m a total wreck and am so hurt and have so much hate and anger towards him right now that all I’m thinking is that I want a divorce because I will never look at him the same and NEVER be able to trust him again. I feel like he has broken our family.

written by spicegirl, 01 February, 2010

Marie,
You have nothing to lose by gving him another chance and everything to lose if you dont.

My husband had an affair when our marriage was on shaky ground, I was able to forgive him, because I know what I was doing too, and our marriage sucked! I never physically cheated ,but emotionally I did, then he found her. Had a 2 month fling, saw her only 4 or 5 times, then ended it.....realized he was losing me and began to fight for our marriage....I found out when she called me...He tried telling me too, but things were going really good in our lives and he was afraid if he told me, I would leave......

I know your heart is shattered, mine was too, but after a year and half, its been getting easier and my husband is proving every single day, hes sorry and has said he will make it up to me for the rest of my life.

If he is sincere you will know it...give yourself time.
If he has cut off all contact with her, and is putting all his effort into you. do it, give him another chance. I was afraid to, too. And now, so glad that I did.

sometimes, people do really stupid things for really stupid reasons. If he learned from this, you can probably have the best life and marriage ever.

Like I said you have nothing to lose by giving him another chance......if he gives you reason to doubt him, then kick his ass out!

written by greys, 16 February, 2010

I emphasis with all of you; I am currently struggling through life with a cheating husband.

I had not got over the first time I caught him cheating on me, when it happened again, barely three months later with a different woman. I don’t know how many times he’s done it; I’ve tried confronting him and wringing the truth out of him. So far I’ve received many versions, each contradicting with the other, and they change daily.

I am so unbearably unhappy that not only is he cheating on me, but he is also refusing to confess. Although I had plenty of evidence (emails) of him cheating emotionally, he said I had no proof that he had had sex with any of them, and that cheating is not cheating unless sex is involved.

Now every time he goes out, I spend all my time being paranoid and insecure that he’s out meeting women, and I feel so idiotic and useless sometimes. To make matters worse, he will be going to Spain in July, and will live there for six months.

How can I trust him to be faithful then? Despite the many times he’s cheated on me, I’ve never even contemplated doing the same. I can safely say that I have been loyal to him all through our marriage.

Sometimes things are just so hard.

written by Renee-confused, 01 March, 2010

This is sad. I mean I have been through this before. You stories sound so familiar I could swear I wrote it. The emotional roller coaster our partners puts us through.

My husband and I have been married for only 4 months and I discovered that he is still seeing the same woman that he cheating with two years ago. We had been dating for two years when I caught him cheating with this lady. He swore he broke things off and he wanted to commit to our relationship. Six months later we got engaged. Because I still had trust issues we only got married a year later. Now it’s been just 4 months and over the weekend I discovered SMS messages from the woman. They where together last week Saturday when he was supposedly out with the guys to watch a soccer match. He still has her photos on his his laptop. I am hurting so much right now. I mean its only four months. We were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase but while I am stuck taking of his kids(not mine) and his sickly mom he is taking her out. While I can hardly have a decent conversation that does not end in a argument, he is have lovey dovey conversations with her. While I get criticized about my cooking, groceries, cleaning, she gets treated to romantic dinners. A month ago we had an argument about us not going out on dates anymore, and he said it was too costly. I called her yesterday but I did not know what to say so I just hanged-up. I am young and I know I can still find a good man who will commit to me and our relationship but when I hear my friends complain on how hard it is to find a man, I don’t know if I should leave my husband. Aside from the cheating he is a good man. He takes care of his two daughters they are staying with us and his chronically sick mother who is also staying with us. He prays with me every night. I just don’t understand why does he feel this need to do this. I can’t even confront him because I had gone through his messages without his knowledge but my curiosity got the better of me when I saw his phone lying there. I guess I got more that what I bargained for. I don’t feel angry yet but I am hurt and confused. I can’t even talk to any of my friends as this is embarrassing. They still believe I am lucky to have found such a great guy and I just wanna gather my thoughts before I take any steps. Part of me says I am reading too much into the messages but as a women we know. Even before we get any hard proof but we see the signs way before the balloon pops. I ignored the signs three years ago until the truth just jumbled on my face. I don’t want to wait for that to happen this time. I just need to figures things out but GOD i want to make him hurt as I do. His family thinks so highly of him and he is so image conscious if I where to expose him, it will ruin him. But I am not a vindictive person. I know I would not that but as it was said earlier I need to gain control because right now I am at my all time low.

Thanks to all who have made comments, your stories have made a huge difference to my mood this morning. I am slowly gaining some perceptive on things. Hope all find a solution to our problems. Stayed Blessed.

written by Valerie from Wisconsin, 09 March, 2010

I’ve been in a relationship with a cheater for 15 yrs. We have 2 children and at the time I was a nursing student. I received a phone call the night before a very important exam telling me that this person just couldn’t take it anymore and had to tell me that my husband had been cheating on me for years with both males and females. I was stunned beyond belief! I didn’t say a word to him that night. I just needed to get through that exam. Of course I failed it with flying colors and couldn’t even recall one single question on the exam because all I could think about was how my husband was nothing more than a stranger to me. I left my class and called him on my way to pick up our oldest. Of course he denied everything. I just told him to pack and leave before I come home with the children. He did leave. There I was a nursing student and stay at home mom. No job, no income, nothing.

We talked on the phone later that evening and he admitted that he had been having a 4yr affair with a man! It had been ending for the past few months. He had also been seeing a counselor to figure himself out. His counselor tells me he’s not gay. Apparently he was sexually abused by his step father growing up. This started before kindergarten. He swore that there had been no others.

Fast forward about 8 months. I struggle everyday with feelings of mistrust, anger, shame etc. We are watching a movie and my daughter is sitting on his lap when his phone rings. She takes a peak and goes "Whos’ Chad?" he stumbles through some bullshit talk and I take mental note but show nothing. I begin to watch and listen to my intuition that I thought left me years ago. He goes to bed and I grab his phone and notice a text from Chads Work that states simply "I love you.". My first instinct is to bust him upside his head with his own damn phone. My second is wondering if this is the same man, a different man, or some other woman. I wake him up and he stumbles through some lame lie before I cut him off and ask him for once to show me a little respect and try telling the truth. Turns out it’s an ex-girlfriend (a first love). He had been seeing her for 2 of the years that he was involved with the gay guy. He had ended it with her back when the other one was ending but after bar time she gets like this sometimes.

Fast forward yet again to now. I’m miserable. He claims there has been no contact with anyone and I believe him. I just can’t forgive him. I don’t feel like I will ever love him the way I did ever again. I finished nursing school and even managed to graduate with honors! I’m working on studying for my state boards so I can actually work as a nurse. But, I feel so stressed, can’t concentrate, his cheating creeps up in my mind the moment I wake up and it’s the last thing that flows out of my mind at night while I try to sleep. How do you move on and find you again? I lived the last few years in a great big bubble. I want to bust out, but am clueless. He wants to work things out and we’ve been using the Us Factor, but I can’t shake my feelings. I still have so much hurt and anger that I’ve never experienced before. What do survivors do to reclaim themselves?

written by villian, 10 March, 2010

I cannot forgive my husband. He confessed to me ten years ago that he had had an "emotional affair" with a 19 year old girl (he was thirty at the time). He waited three years before telling me. Like a naive idiot, I did not sense it. He told me as we were preparing to sign a contract on a new house; we had already sold our other one. He had waited until our lives were in flux and he felt secure that I wouldn’t leave. He cried and cried and cried. I soothed him and tried to forgive him. I suffered panic attacks and sadness, and required counseling to survive the heartbreak. Last year my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma, as he was being diagnosed, he made a second confession. He had had "an emotional affair" with a 22 year old about three years ago. I had to decide what to do. I had four children, and a cancer-stricken husband. I set aside my feelings and took care of him. It wasn’t easy. When he was clear of cancer and ready to go back to work, I honestly told him that I doubted I would ever trust him and probably could not stay in the marriage. Now, I am the great villain. I am responsible for his psychiatric problems (according to him) and am ruining his life.

If you stay, know this could happen to you. I should have left after the first confession.

By the way, he also treated me horribly throughout the marriage and is addicted to pornography (which he also lied about continuously).

written by Sarah Teo, 01 April, 2010

After reading all your stories, I feel bad. I am in the same boat too. I recently confronted my husband as well. We knew each other at 13. I am 40 now. Sounds like eternity, right? Married him 13 years later. Well, my husband is a pilot. He spends a lot of time overseas. He’s loving and caring. We do not have any problem with sex. It’s always good and I always make it interesting. Last August, I went for a holiday with my friends. When I came back, I checked on his sms. Found out that he didn’t tell me his outing with friends. He denied visiting prostitute with his friends. I later found out that he this wasn’t his first time. In fact 5 (that I know). Found out from his e-mails. He finally admitted visiting prostitute after 7 months. He told me he was curious and he didn’t enjoy ‘it’. What a lie!! If this is the first time, I can still accept the reason. But this is not! Who knows how many times he’s been to prostitutes? I am truly hurt. Guess what he told me? He said that I must move on and just have to trust him. Please help me. I love him very much but when I think of how he fucks other women, it really puts me off. I’ve yet to decide on whether to give him another chance.

written by Heartbroken4ever, 03 April, 2010

I took time reading these stories because I’m going through such a hard time dealing with my husband that had recently cheated on me on Valentines Day! Isn’t that horrible?I’ve been married to my husband for 9 years and within those 9 years we have accomplished so much to be so young. I’ve always told him that I wanted to have kids when I was 30, well I’m 28 and the time is getting closer. I totally trusted my husband before he cheated on me. I would let him travel on his own back to his hometown and I would do the same (knowing he would be with family and friends and I would too). So he told me that he wanted to visit his hometown I was all up for it, he was to go for a week. It was Valentines day weekend and I had packed some new clothes in his luggage as a surprise gift when he got there. And he kissed me and told me he loved me before he left and I told him he can do whatever he wants and spend however much money he wants!

When he got there, he met up with an old high school buddy that I knew he still had on his myspace, I met the girl once when we first got married on a trip to his hometown, I was pissed because she pulled him outside and was out there chatting with him for a full 2 hours and when I finally went out there to talk to them, she wouldn’t say a word to me. I didn’t think too much of it, for she is not an attractive girl. A little overweight, small paper thin lips, just not someone I felt a threat with. Until I was digging through his old army pics and there was a disgusting lingerie picture of her that he had since high school. I told him to throw it away and he wouldn’t he laughed about it and thought it was funny.Because she looked fat in them. Again, I didn’t think much of it because she is not very attractive, definitely a downgrade and nothing for me to be worried about.

Well while he was gone he met up with her with his buddies and they started making out in a bar and eventually she went back to his friends house he was staying with and they did it on the couch. The next day Valentines day, he went back to her house the 2nd time it happened again! I was at work, wondering if I will not get flowers again on Valentines day, watching all my gfs and getting jealous. Called my husband and was kinda mad at it, he lashed out on me and said we need to talk. I felt so bad for being a spoiled brat I called and left a message, saying I was sorry. Little did I know he was cheating on me, having another Valentine for the day!
When he came back, we made up and everything was fine for the night. But in the morning I saw that he had slept on the couch and asked him to come back and he refused. He told me he needed time to think and I’m not going to make him do things faster. I was totally confused.The distance he was giving me was undeniable and I knew something was wrong. He told me he didn’t know if he still wanted to be with me and if I needed to leave than he understand. I felt like I wasn’t needed and we said our goodbyes and he told me that he needed time it would be months or even years, but if he comes back. Than he would know we were meant to be. I was completely left in the dark. I asked him if he cheated and he said no, i trusted him.
While I was back home in another state with my family, in total disarray. He calls me back and tells me hes ready for my kids, and to go back to school and we will get back together later. I realized while I was at home that he did cheat on me and he confessed that it was her. My suspicions were correct the whole time! He went to get me and we went back to all the places we got engaged, married, and where we first met. I took him back because I love him so much, he is my world. He seems so sincere and I’m falling for it. He has even been trying to get me pregnant, in which he has told me he didn’t want kids at the end. I am so desperate that I go along with it, to try to have his baby. But I don’t know if this is an attempt to trap me, but its so tempting because I have always wanted a family with him. But now I’m completely going crazy. I don’t know if I can be with him, I’ve got some trust issues! He told me that it has opened his eyes to see that I’m the only one he wants. But reading what I read, it seems like they all say the same thing. I know getting pregnant is like an easy way out for me not to deal with the cheating part. I’m not sure if that is what I need or not. Who thinks I should leave him or if I should keep trying to have a baby?

written by RUN, 07 April, 2010

I am married 16 years, he is married 25, and we’ve been having an affair for three years. But the worst part is he was my lover 23 years ago when we were both newlyweds. It ended because he was in the military and had to move. He stayed with his wife and I divorced my husband. I thought of him often and found him 20 yrs later and the affair began again and he claims to be a Christian and can’t deal with the conflict but yet continues. I’m telling all you women and men all of us cheaters will lie for our own benefits so if he/she says they are telling you the truth, chances are they are still lying. Find yourself someone you deserve.

written by Marriage – what a joke!!!, 09 April, 2010

This is so nauseating that every time I think of it, I just want to throw up.

I have been married 7 years. My husband had an affair on me with his ex-wife. A woman who sued him for $12,000 that I paid a lawyer for. A cruel woman to both he and I. I just don’t get it. They are both so sick and twisted. She is engaged to someone else now and she just told me that she and my husband had an affair for about a year in 2004/2005. I am so sick.

But, I already called a lawyer. I don’t deserve this, no one does.

written by Trucker Driver’s Disappointed Wife, 12 April, 2010

I know one damn thing I’m still reeling from a 3 year affair and all this after fighting Cancer threw it. Been married 5 years had Cancer when we got married found out he’s been having an affair 3 years now. She went after him saying her husband was disabled and pulled on his heart strings and looking at the phone records she called and called him until he would pick up and he answered eventually he’s a truck driver so he does enjoy conversation. It started the minute he started over the road, he would come home see us then leave out and have sex with her before going on his next trip. Meanwhile he would pick fights with me and say I wasn’t doing enough before he left and all so he could justify his cheating. Now keep in mind I been threw chemo have diabetes and epilepsy which he knew about so why does he expect me to be superwoman is beyond me. I finally caught him while I was in the hospital she sent him a text messages wanting to meet. How in the world did she think she was going to take him from me, if he only met her for 3 years in the back of a truck. I have taken him back I made mistakes that could have sent him to another woman I just wish it would have been a one night stand, not 3 years. Now she wont stop trying to text him and other than change his numbers which I hate to do now because he’s out of work and left his numbers to potential employers what do I do about it?
I put all his grey hairs there, I gave him his belly and I by gosh made him who he is including getting all his jobs for him the last 3 years, while I been on disability....Yes the cancer came back last May and my birthday was on the 10th. He acted like he wasn’t at home but when I pulled up phone records for last year after having them mailed to me,. I saw that he was home according to the tracking signal and he was with her on my birthday which was also the first mothers day I spent with my step-son who we have custody of now and eh couldn’t come in to see us but made it in to screw her.
I still want to punch someone right now and I did hit him but it didn’t hurt and what did that fix nothing......

written by Shattered heart, 27 April, 2010

I found out my husband of almost 3 years has been cheating on me. I knew almost a year ago, in August (nothing was going on at this point) when I met the whore. I met her at his gym and when he introduced me to her as his wife the slut wouldn’t look me in the eye. (I have come to realize to trust my instinct/gut.) I had confronted my husband right away of my feeling about this woman, but he just got angry and said I was being a "crazy woman". So, I let it go, because I TRUST(ED) him.

Then, in November, his phone was unattended and a text popped up, I looked at it naturally. It was innocent, but I asked him about it and he told me it was a male co-worker. I didn’t believe him and he knew that so he offered to call, I of course believed him then and dropped it. Well, my gut wouldn’t let it go and I could tell my husband was distancing himself from me. I asked him about it all the time and he denied everything. He would tell me everything was fine. We did have an argument where he asked for a break. I was crushed, I didn’t know what to do. We talked an decided to work on it day by day.
But, I couldn’t shake the feeling of that text in November, so in January I took his phone and wrote the number down. I called it at work and got her voicemail. Yup, sure as shit the skank from the gym. I called him and confronted him on it while he was at work. He hurried home and comforted me that they were just friends and he knew I would be upset that is why he lied. Also, he had told me that he had told her they are not to have any further contact. Well that fucking didn’t happen.

After our argument in January, I thought our relationship was getting better and we were making progress. Well am I an idiot???? Now, on April 11, 2010 my husband had just gotten home from his weekend duty for the National Guard. I checked his personal phone, which he said he never had with him and that he was going to cancel months prior. He had called the bitch on the Friday he left. I confronted him on it and he still denied it. It was late at night and his sister was visiting, but I knew. I couldn’t sleep all night. I finally couldn’t take it, I woke him up and asked him flat out. HE CHEATED!!! 3 times, or so he says, I can’t believe shit he says. I never thought he would do this to me. He wants to work this out, he tells me he loves me and that he just screwed up. I don’t know what to do. I am so hurt and betrayed. The man that was my whole sense of security has shattered my world. We have a 1 year old together. I sometimes think how it would be easier to leave, but I am so in love with him. We are seeing a counselor and we talk about the betrayal, but he gets mad sometimes and that upsets me. Why should I have to accommodate him? I have never been in a position where I hate someone so much, yet love them with all my heart as well.

He tells me he didn’t tell me of cheating, because he didn’t want to lose me, but two out of the three times happened after we had our talk in January.

Not only did he cheat, but he texted with this home-wrecker all day everyday. He would make me feel bad and tell me that I called/texted him too much while he was at work. Yet for her he had all the fucking time in the world. He wouldn’t wake up early to talk to this whore. He tells me it was an escape. Well guess what I am stressed out too and would like an escape but I am not going to go spread my legs for some other man to take my troubles away.

I know it has only been two weeks, but I fight with myself everyday on whether or not I should stay or tell him to fuck off. I love him so much, I don’t want to see my future without him.

How do you know what to do? How do you know if you will be able to forgive and be better for it? How long does it take to mend a broken heart?

I feel as though I am letting him get away with it, because I am staying! Am I being weak? I would tell him I would leave and not look back if he ever did this to me. Now I am eating my words.

written by read my text above you shattered heart, 27 April, 2010

Do you love him???? If the answer is yes, and he wants to make it work, forgive him but don’t trust him and let him know you don’t. Log onto your cell phone bill and check it everyday and tell him your going to even if you can’t, most men don’t know you can or can’t....
And consider this, how many men cheat??? You know this old dogs tricks and if you love him then by gosh let that tramp know he’s yours and don’t let her get him from you and the baby....Make it work and wear his ever loving behind out until he’s damn tired of sex and can’t take it no more!

written by Wyoming, 30 April, 2010

Well, I feel for ALL of you -- I’m in the middle of a divorce because I had all the red flags immediately after I married in 1992--he lied to me first (having an early breakfast meeting with his boss--no his old girlfriend who was married) within 2 months of the marriage! Then, 2 year’s later, I found a 2-page letter with details of an affair where he worked. I asked him if HE wanted a divorce --should have just divorced him then, but we had just bought land to retire to WY, went to therapist, BUT I never really trusted him again. Then, 2 year’s later I go out-of-state with relatives and find evidence when I returned that he had been to a "fantasy place" (I thought it was a strip place) and let it go--another mistake- found out
ten year’s later that it was an S&M Bondage Club --now in 2007 we purchased a home in WY and he changed jobs and went up to "remodel" the house, etc.
I was packed to move and he came down to get all his guns, valuables and my jewelry because "not to put on the move truck" (yes, I was dumb and fell for this one)!! After 2 more months of "delays" he called to tell me he was not going to move me up to the beautiful
remodeled house, etc., blamed everything on ME and of course, there is no other woman involved!! Yeah, right, I have found out there were at least 3-4 whores up there, one being married with a child sleeping in the next room PLUS he was having an affair with a friend of his mother’s (yes, his mother set it up) and she took family photos of US in 2005. I could go on and on, so
because I now have filed for divorce, it has taken me 2 years fighting him--If I have any advice --DO NOT GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE AT ALL BECAUSE IF YOU DO --HE WILL CHEAT AGAIN. Just divorce him after you get to the financial place to do it--women are always too forgiving because they think that the man is the only one we can ever love. Do not put up with a cheater, I did and the biggest mistake I ever made. I know that
YOU LOVE HIM – but, think about this, can you love someone who will constantly cheat on you again IF you take him back??? When you see the true character of a person you love, move on, because if you stay with a cheater, he will try it again thinking that he won’t get caught again!! When I read the text messages, it was over for me --he calls "her" the same cute names he called me, etc. I was lucky, we did not have kids --I feel for those who have children by these losers. Good luck to all of you here.

written by Struggling in Georgia, 11 May, 2010

I read all these e-mails and my heart goes out to everyone. In February I learned that my husband had started a Facebook romance with a woman that was an old college flame. In February (right after Valentines Day!) he used the opportunity of being away for National Guard to meet her. The woman flew all the way from MAINE to meet him in GEORGIA – now that is balls! She is married and has three daughters. I am so sad because I never even saw it coming. Our marriage was okay – he had been home five months from a recent deployment to Afghanistan when they began their relationship. I work full time and here she is- a bored, lonely surgeons wife who had nothing to do but check in with my husband all day long via text, e-mail and phone calls. All of this under my nose. But there were signs...He showed less interest in sex with me. He was spending a lot of time in the basement. He was more impatient with small things. He began to distance himself. All this was happening and I never had the courage to bring up the changes. I was trying to give him space thinking he needed it from his deployment. He confessed to the affair because her husband found out and threatened to call me. At first he tried to stay in contact saying they were friends. I asked him how he would feel if I screwed someone and then wanted to stay pals? He agreed to drop all contact and I believe he has. Cell phone bills prove it and he has been very careful to stay in touch while he travels. In fact I have traveled with him on two recent National Guard events at his invitation. So I think he is trying his best to be transparent. At this point, for our marriage to work, I have to believe him. We have not discussed the affair in great detail and I am wondering what I should be discussing – whether it is better to just recognize that it happened and not get mired in the details and just work on improving us? Or should we get out every gritty detail so I can satisfy some sick curiosity? I just don’t know what to do. I am trying daily to make this work but it just hurts so much.

written by Sherley, 21 May, 2010

I don’t know for how long my husband has been cheating on me. I was married to him 2 years ago. It was an arranged marriage. After our honeymoon, he returned to his working place abroad while I stayed back to my local country. Whenever I phone him to tell him to take me with him, he tells that the authority does not allow him to bring his wife to that country. Its only after 2 years, that he allowed me to come to the country where he was working. He always put restrictions on me, on what to do, with whom to talk. He never had time for me since I went there. I was living like a maid, doing all household chores during the day and entertaining him at night. He did not allow me to work either. He always brings his best friend at home pretending to be with me. I have been so stupid to trust him. Its only last month that I’ve caught him red-handed with his best friend. I am shattered. I don’t know what to do. I’ve trust that man so much, and now he is telling me to go away. I am away from my native country. I feel so lonely and lost. I can’t even communicate to people staying there because of language problem. Can anyone help me please? I don’t know if I should inform my family...its so hard...

written by Its not just men who cheat, 31 May, 2010

Men also have gut feelings, and mine turned out to be true. After many nights of her staying out, not answering her cell phone, and hiding the phone I knew it was either drugs or an affair. Turns out it was both. One of her ex friends told me about an earlier affair, and suspected she was having another with someone she knew. She told me where this loser lived and sure enough, there was MY car. After throwing her out of the house, she finally admitted to both affairs a month later. But I know she is not telling the WHOLE truth. And I know she is still up to her old tricks. Here it is 10pm and she was supposed to go to an AA meeting at 7:30. And of course, will not answer her cell or return a text. 23 years of my life with this whore and I still cannot just let go. She will never change. She will always be a liar. And then get mad at me when I ask questions about who, what, when and where. I need to get over her. I need her out of my life, except for the kids, for good. I can’t stand what she does to me and how she makes me feel. Always wondering, waiting, pacing and chain smoking. Sleepless nights, you name it. And it still happens to me even though she no longer lives here. I hope someday I can forget about her!

written by wardski, 01 June, 2010

I know how everyone on here is feeling I found out 3 weeks ago that my husband had cheated on me. We have only been married 3 yrs coming up and I’m totally gutted. All I get out of him is that me and the kids are his world and it was the biggest mistake of his life, I don’t believe him anymore. It started through work he had to go to this woman’s house and one thing led to another. He said he was going to his ‘mates’ house one night and didn’t come in till 4am I had stayed up all night waiting for him never thought anything unusual until he turned and I saw love bites all over his neck I went crazy. I got our 7 month old son ready and went out I couldn’t bare to be in the same house as him. I came home and we talked and he gave me all the bullshit that his mates had done them blah blah blah. He stayed in the following night but went out the following and left his work phone. I went through it and this one number kept appearing so I rang it and it was a woman. I then checked his text messages and that’s when I had found out he had cheated. I rang him at his friends and he came straight home we had the biggest argument ever. He now says it was a relief to get it out in the open and he was glad I had found out but I wish I hadn’t found out its killed me all I’m doing is crying the kids know something is wrong but not what has happened and to top it off I’m 16 weeks pregnant again he is 9 years younger than me and I honestly thought it would be with a younger woman but when I asked him shes 43!!! That has knocked me again I just dont know what to do anymore

written by Iamwonderfullymade, 03 June, 2010

I can only say stay true to yourself I was married for over twenty years and my husband has cheated and cheated and I forgave him over, and over, and over until this last time, when I found his emails to his latest girlfriend him telling her how he can spend the rest of his life with her, Ladies watch your back and always have a back up plan. The men are becoming so distracted with Lust and they are truly forgetting how they are suppose to honor and love their wives what happen to Vows? All thats its doing is tearing up marriages and homes its becoming very Sad.. It seems as though the Men are forgetting about Morals as longs as they get theirs

written by needing help, 05 June, 2010

I’m in a really bad situation. I’ve been married for over nine years and have two kids. My husband has a good job and i am self employed plus we have rental homes. Anyways my husband has been taking prescription drugs or years now and I complain all the time because in the last few years he’s been abusing them. Which of course he doesn’t believe he has a problem...I’ve asked him to get off and get help and let him know I’d be there to help him. Well just recently he went off the deep end. He got abusive one night and I told him to leave...since he left he took all the money out of our accounts, having an affair, living with her, doing street drugs, letting his whore drive around town in his truck and even let his whore talk on the phone with our daughter(which broke her heart) mind you I didn’t know she called to talk to her daddy..he passed the phone over....it has only been two weeks since he’s been out of the house!! how am I suppose to take all this in!!! I’m angry hurt confused and the list goes on. AAAAAAAAAA also our son was born with Glaucoma and needs constant pressure check up’s and there is always a big possibility for more surgeries...i moved away from family and friends to create a life out here with him...we’ve done well for 6 yrs here....now he leaves me and the kids to hang....and is living it up with his 22 yr old stripper whore....he hasn’t even asked if we needed food or anything even though he took all the money!!!

written by gracechiang, 17 June, 2010

Since monogamy seems impossible for most men, is it possible to accept the fact and the man if he can be good as a companion?

written by...., 06 July, 2010

I have found so many mixed answers reading all of this. I could really use some advice, though. To preface things, my fiance is in bootcamp and has been gone for fifteen days. I’ve only received one five minute phone call and was told we would have to communicate by "snail mail" now. Just a couple days after he left I started receiving messages from two girls in Facebook stating that he was cheating on me with them. They gave details about time frames that make sense because some nights he would go out drinking with his friends and we would not spend the night together. supposedly he was using them for drunken bootycalls at two or three am. A while before he left I asked him who the girl was that he was texting because I saw her name in his messaging threads. He said I was mistaken, he didnt know anyone by that name. Later, I saw a text from her saying, "just give me an answer and I will leave you and your fiancee alone" he hadn’t responded to this message. Obviously, he lied about knowing her though. He said she was an old friend and that she keeps trying to be more serious with him so he stopped being friends with her. He said he lied because he didn’t want me to get worked up when there is nothing going on. She is now one of the girls messaging me. I can’t contact him to resolve this. I don’t know if I feel right about confronting him through letters and then upsetting him. I know he is unhappy in basic training. Although, if what these girls say is true, he deserves to be unhappy. I just don’t want to upset him over nothing. I am just looking for advice on what others would do in my situation.

written by Still-in-pain, 11 July, 2010

I’ve experienced it too after our 14 years of marriage with 3 beautiful children. All this while, I’ve never imagine that my husband will cheat on me, and in fact, he did it. Each time, when he was on overseas assignment, he’ll buy condoms, gifts over... and even remit fund over to her. When queried, he denied at first, but as i probe further, he’s got nothing to hide anymore, he admitted. I proposed for divorce but he cried and asked for 2nd chance and promised he’ll never cheat again... I’m just feeling very down and cheated... I’ve forgiven him but will never FORGET

written by Hurt and Lonely, 21 August, 2010

I hear you all. My husband of 14years, 2 months ago came home from work, only to tell me of a 2 month affair with a married, but separated woman. I was shocked. He has developed strong feelings for her and can’t break it off WHAT. After pegging and pleading for some sort of counseling, he said there was more to tell. For ten year of our marriage he has been meeting up with women online, for one thing only....meet and do your thing then leave. Had no feeling for them, just need to feel special.... Charming. I was pregnant with my forth child, while he was having fun with the ladys...and now i have been told couples as well. Sick Sick Sick. I am so hurt by all this, it is alot to take in. He has left our home now, and moved closer to her, 3 hours away from the us.
My kids don’t get to see him very often, he wants to give her all his time and attention, so she doesn’t leave him. The kids are not his main priority. This is the most hurtful of all. Why Why Why. It is so scary the thought of going forward with 4 kids alone. Im having to sell our home, as I can’t afford to pay the mortgage. This is so overwhelming. Found out the other day he is paying her money so she doesn’t have to go back to work yet, after the death of her husband. I could do with some extra money for the home loan and kids. What a selfish woman to let him pay her way knowing he has kids to support. I am so mad at him. I know in time I will be better off without him, its just to raw now. I feel dumped and alone. He is a cheater and a liar. He was my bestfriend. I gave him and the kids all my time and attention and never made any friends...now im left with no one. The Internet and texting are destroying our marriages. We must all be strong and get through the tough times together. Thinking of u all.

written by ray hurting too, 15 September, 2010

I have been married the most wonderful woman for twelve years with three wonderful boys. But after feeling like she did not care or love me any more I started having an affair with a previous friend of my wifes. This past April after six weeks of this affair my wife figured it out and confronted me about it. And yes I did lie about it at first but quickly figured out that I wasnt getting any where by lieing about it. Although I did feel some attachment to this woman I did call it off with her over the phone with my wife present and have not spoken to her since. It was a bad mistake to cheat on my wife and I feel so terrible about hurting her so badly. She feels as if her whole world has come to an end. We are still together and I am working really hard to try and make all this go away but I do know that she will never be able to completely forget about my affair. I thank god each and everyday for my wife and pray that he will see us thru all of this. I truly know that nothing in this world would ever cause me to put my wife through the pain that I have caused her. Please respond with any pointers you could give us on how to cope and get this all behind us. God bless...

written by Tristy B, 19 September, 2010

My husband of 5 years have been doing this to me, playing mind games for too long. I found lots of pictures on his computer of different women from times before we were married. I had no idea who these people were. If I knew, most definitely wouldn’t have married him though. I have since found love poems written to him by someone who was a ‘friend’ a long time ago. I found speeding tickets with written notes that he wrote, explaning the situation as he was driving her car. He has denied them all. The tickets... his excuse was that while the cop wrote his ticket, he called his friend of a friend that’s a cop as well, they spoke and decided to just put the ticket under this girl’s info. Does that even make sense? He thinks that I’m a fool and I’ll believe it all. I don’t love him, in fact I hate him so much I want to see him in pain just like all the grief and anger I’m going through. Last week, while he was on a business trip, I called the hotel room in the morning to give a wake up call, and she answered the phone!!!! What a blow!
His excuse? They transferred me to another room. So, the hotel had specific instructions to not transfer me to his room...I called back later in the day to find out what was happening.
Every time I look at him I only see a person that doesn’t love me and doesn’t care about me. I’m dying on the inside, always stressed out, crying, high and low of emotions and he’s walking around as if nothing happened. What’s even worse is that everyone believes him...he’s making me look crazy and like a fool.
I want to leave him, however we have a daughter and she loves her dad very much. Plus, if I leave who knows who he’ll bring around our daughter...
He hides his phone, emails, receipts, just about everything. I feel like I’m married to a 22 year old that just won’t grow up. I pray for God to help me, but to help him more. I hope he lives to see the day when he’s old and broken, living by himself with no whore on the side to help him. By then hopefully, I’ll be long gone.

written by baby blues + husband cheats, 26 September, 2010

I found out on my birthday that my husband cheated on me. My new baby boy was not even a month old when his affair started. I found a letter and a card from her in the trash can outside. He says that it was only one kiss and then emails and text messaging. But he had not broke it off with her till after he received the letter and card from her. He was cheating on me before our first anniversary. We both already had two children from previous relationships so our son make the fifth kid in the home. The woman he cheated on me with is also married and has 3 kids, but in her letter says that her husband cheats on her. So if she knows how it feels why would she want to put someone else through it? This is why I left my oldest son’s father, my daughters father was killed when she was a newborn, and now again. Why do men cheat? I was not even healed up from having our baby! I don’t know what I should do? Do I leave and put my kids through it? Do I stay and put my kids through that? Is it worth saving? I love him, but I deserve so much more.

written by LeahP, 04 October, 2010

I just found out my husband and partner of over 20 years has been cheating on me for at least 2 years. I am devastated. I honestly thought he was the last man on earth capable of doing something like this. We have had a blissfully happy marriage...all of our friends and family thought we were the golden couple. We were high school sweethearts and I thought we were true soulmates. I didn’t think any two people could know each other better. We shared everything, did everything together, even worked together...and loved every minute of it. I honestly cannot believe he could do this to me. I am still in shock and utter disbelief. My whole life as I knew it is gone....everything’s gone. You can’t have a relationship without trust and he’s been lying to me for a long time. I didn’t for one second think this could be salvaged, and frankly, I’m astounded by the number of women here that still want to try to save their marriages. Please get some courage and self-respect and leave your husband. It might seem almost impossible now, but you can make it without him, and you will be much better off. All cheaters will do it again, no doubt. There has to be something intrinsically wrong with someone who can hurt another human being, whom they profess to love, so badly. That kind of betrayal is beyond loathsome...it’s amoral, unconscionable, almost sociopath behavior. I don’t know, maybe there’s hope for someone who made a one night drunken mistake, and admitted to it on their own, and feels deep regret. But I don’t for one second believe that anyone who’s had an actual affair is capable of being a faithful husband, or a decent human being, for that matter. I echo the sentiment of the other poster who said your husbands are lying when they tell you they didn’t have sex with the other woman. Please trust your gut...it knows. They will lie until they can’t lie any more...it’s how cheaters operate. I can only hope karma really is a bitch. Good luck to you all, and know that you’re stronger than you think!

written by the other woman, 17 October, 2010

what would you do if you found out that your husband was having an affair with a co-worker for nine months, then continued on emotionally and working closely for another year, then quit working together, let you believe it was finally all over, and yet was continuing to talk,e-mail,text each other, and telling all of their deepest secrets, thoughts, dreams to her? All the while letting you think it was over, and really still continuing in total for almost four years? What would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????????????

written by so sad i feel sick, 07 November, 2010

we were perfect together married in January by mid-march the emails with her are hot and furious and the affair stopped because i found out about it
is there any chance he is telling the truth and it will never happen again

written by BROKEN INSIDE!!!, 14 November, 2010

5 months ago my entire life came crashing down. I’ve been married to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen. Been married 12 yrs no kids. We’re military. So he deploys every year. But 3 yrs ago after his last tour from Iraq I noticed a huge change in him. When he 1st came home he was great but 4 months after being home he had to go to another state to train soldiers. He would call me a few times a day everyday. Once he came home I noticed he was very withdrawn. He started losing his temper over the smallest issue,like if dinner was not on the table when he sat down. Never in 12 yrs has he ever said a word about dinner being late or on time until now. Then he stopped giving me compliments daily instead it was hurtful insults. Mind you I am very thin I have a great body which I work hard at. But he would say wow your ass is growing. Really?? I said how is that when I’m 105lbs. same weight for most our marriage. Then OMG!! His verbal abuse was getting to be all day. I would beg him to get help but he denied having a problem. I blamed the war for his actions. Boy was I a fool… this was in 2007 when it started and it continued until January of this year when he got deployed again. I refused to leave because I believe in true love and my vows. I knew the man I married was still inside somewhere I was not going to throw away 12 yrs for 3 bad yrs. but now I wonder if I should of done just that. In June I got that gut feeling something was seriously wrong. He hadn’t called in 14 days and there was serious cash missing from our account. I never went through his emails nor personal belongings or ever question his where about. So I followed my gut instincts and hacked his yahoo account and I felt my life was over. My so wonderful husband was having an affair with this woman who he met on a adult website,while in Iraq and it got to the point where she even tattooed his name on her. But while he was training those soldiers in that other state he had her fly there to be with him for 4 days in a motel. This was in 2007. So until now I had no clue he was talking, texting, being online and etc with this woman for 3 yrs behind my back until this yr in June when I found the emails. I emailed her and told her what I needed to say. She emailed back wanting my number I gave it to her. We talked for hours & she had no idea he was married nor had this great life with me as I believed. She cried,i cried we both had so much in common. But I was floored by how blunt she was with how much she was in love with him. She wanted him if I didn’t. That hurt so much. When I finally got to talk to him of course he denied it all… I yelled I wanted a divorce… he refused… begged for a 2nd chance. He could not give me a reason why he did this… he told me he regrets it. I know he is lying. But then a week later I Googled his email and OMG!! I found a Facebook account he had with a new woman he was screwing over in Korea too. That’s where all the cash went from our account. Yeap you guessed it… she is a pinay juicy that works in the ville at the scum bars around camp casey. And even with all the evidence I had of that 2nd affair pix and all he denied that for weeks till I got her number and it wasn’t pretty. She is a nasty lady. But after that call she told him I knew about her he broke it off and now she is pissed cause her cash flow stopped. She emailed me a very nasty email. Pissed he broke it off. And now the other woman is crushed too cause he wont have anything to do with her either. He is now kissing my ass and is in therapy and I see a huge difference in him. He has said he is sorry so many times and cries all the time. I am just confused by all my hurt and anger. I am afraid when he comes home in a few months what I will feel inside seeing him for the first time in over a year. He told me if I try to divorce him he will fight it. He will not lose me for his dumb actions. But I ask him how can you love me when you sleep with other women. And his answer is it was not you there is nothing wrong with you it was me. I was being selfish. You have been the greatest wife and I was stupid for stepping on my dick. I am at a cross roads with what to do.

written by ASM, 17 November, 2010

I suggest a book for anyone in a painful, seemingly hopeless relationship: ‘The Emotionally Unavailable Man’ by Patti Henry. It is actually for both men and women, and very practical and no nonsense. Also, any book about emotional incest is a wise investment. Many of the patterns of infidelity I am hearing in these posts could be related to these two topics, emotional distance and inability to bond, and the cause of some of the most bonding damage to any child. My husband is a sex addict. He was emotionally incested throughout his childhood causing severe bonding, trust, and self esteem issues. He is is counseling after a suicide attempt when I discovered the depths of the betrayal of our marriage and his commitments. The addiction is like the other woman, consuming his thoughts and desires and lust, at the same time punishing him with guilt and shame. If I find he has returned to his addiction, he knows I will leave him for good. This is his one and only second chance. I have a better understanding about how we came to this place in our lives through reading these books, and I know what I am willing to live with and what I refuse to accept any longer. A large part of me wishes nothing more than to leave him. I stay for the person that I choose to be in this life, to work on my own issues that led to me accept the limited love he was able to provide. I am willing to have hope until he proves otherwise because I do believe he is sorry and hates the person he had become as he chose to feed his addiction rather than his real life. We will see.

written by Dead Inside, 21 November, 2010

Broken Inside,
I feel for you and,like you, don’t know what to do. My husband is also in the military and I found out he was cheating by reading one simple text. This text made me do so digging on his recent TDY and I learned everything (almost). I confessed after I had proof. It’s been a year and he sleeps in the basement and is getting ready to deploy for another year. Think I’m done, but I just can’t seem to get past it. We’ve been married 13 yrs and have 2 children. What a pathetic, disgusting, rotten man.

written by kaleya, 21 November, 2010

I understand where everyone is going through. Having a cheating husband is something that would drive a women nuts emotionally and physically. I have no advise on how to deal with it. When you love someone, its hard on everything, school, kids, your social life – all falls apart. We all have to be strong. But you have to know that there is only so much pain we only can handle although as days go by it makes you a stronger person to leave him. I’m staying strong for myself and my kids. I love my husband with all my heart. I don’t trust him at all even though I tried everything. My gut feeling tells me he is cheating constantly. All I hear is lies even though all the evidence is in front of me. I’m a fool myself for loving a person like him. But only time will tell. The day I feel stronger is the day I will leave.

written by....., 30 November, 2010

Could someone explain to me why men think they have to have attention from other women? I am at my husbands beck and call and he wants to text other women while I am at work and tell me he can’t text at work. Nothing has happened, there has been 2 now I caught him both times, he lied and hid them both till I found out. I don’t get it...

written by inPain, 04 December, 2010

It was exactly a year ago when I found out about my husband’s affair. He registered on some dating sites, met someone who is 9 years younger than me online, had an affair for more than a year.

Needless to say, I was hurt and devastated by it. I am a successful business woman, pretty, independent financially and spiritually. Like everyone else here, never in million years, I would thought my husband would cheat on me...

After confronting with him, he was very sad, broke off with the woman, said he would not never hurt me again. Watching him crying so hard hurt me even more. I loved him, still do. I decided to stay and work out our relationship.

He has been showing efforts to have more open communications with me, discuss everything with me, take me wherever he goes...

I try to forget about the past. It is very difficult. The lost trust is hard to rebuild. I still often have the episodes that I will feel the anger and hurt again, start to yell at him, berate him. I know it is not good for our relationship, it might cost us what’s left between us. But I don’t know what to do...

written by what to do?, 16 December, 2010

I was suspicious that my husband was cheating, how, he was traveling twice a month to NY. I found some racy text messages on his cell phone. Confronted him he said it was for me, I said bullshit you never speak to me like that, if you did maybe there will be more sparks in our marriage. I recorded him have phone sex with her at home, I confronted him he denied it of course. I ok here is the proof I didn’t even have to play it he eventually, told me the truth with me crying and pleading with him to tell me the truth. I must admit it did give me a little bit of closure. The next day I was mad, I was going through a lot of different emotions. Every time I look at him I just see him with this other woman. I call him names like disgusting, nasty, repulsive etc any disgusting names I could think of. Oh and two years ago he admitted to have a BJ by a prostitute. We have to kids, who love him very much he is a great father to them and a good provider. What do you think I should do? Help

written by inside out and upside down, 11 January, 2011

I found out on the eve of our 26th wedding anniversary. He had been having an affair for 6 months, and when confronted he was "confused" and didn’t know who he wanted to be with. We have 4 kids, and to me and everyone that knows us, we seemed to have a beautiful marriage. I loved him with all my heart and I believed he felt the same about me.

I found all this out 4 weeks ago and since that time I’ve experienced so many emotions and so much pain I feel like I’ve been turned inside out. I actually learned about her after they’d been involved for about 2 months, but he told me they were just flirting and had never met. I flipped out, cried for days, and told him if he wanted to be with her he needed to leave. Well the truth was that they had already had sex and apparently it was so fantastic he had no intention of ending things with her. He had actually made up this incredible story about his cousin dying and needing to go to the funeral for a few days in order to see her for the first time. They must have had a good laugh over fooling me with that story. What makes me crazy is that he knew how much pain it all would cause me and he carried on without regard. How do you do that to someone you love?

He actually took me to the same hotel he took her (in between her visits) so he could compare and contrast and thoroughly convince himself of how special she was. Not fair and not nice. By the way she is 9 years younger than me.

So, now what? He has ended it with her, but I don’t trust her to stay away or him to resist if she comes around. I can’t find my way through the pain. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He thinks we can move forward, if I’m willing to be more romantic, playful, sexy, like a lover. Of course he doesn’t treat me that way, he just wants to be doted on because he misses her attention so badly.

My life has been turned completely upside down and I’m so hurt I can’t see straight. If I believed he still loved me, I would have some hope we could heal, but I’m just not seeing it. I’ve never felt such horrible sadness in all my life.

written by i want my family back and the hurt &madsgoaway, 12 January, 2011

my cheated on me at work he won’t put on different shfit and he said it is over. I love he more than life it’s self is it over am wasting my time.I want thing to work out we have kids,just happy with him i do not want any body else

written by still hurting, 14 January, 2011

In Dec 2009, i found out that my husband of nine years was cheating on me with a woman older than me, am 30 and we have 2 lovely boys. The slut was already pregnant when i found out and they were planning on getting married so that she can be his second wife. i was so heartbroken, i felt so stupid, hurt and am still in pain although this happened a year ago. The most painful thing is that this is not he 1st time he has cheated on me, its now the third, how can i be so stupid to trust him and give him another chance, let me give u ladies out there some advice, once a cheater always a cheater, once u accept it 1st time he will do it again and again, so if u can leave him, there is a better life after all the pain and hurt. I’m still him coz m not yet financially stable and m working on it, once m ok, im going with my two boys and then we can find some peace and quiet.

written by Disenchanted, 21 February, 2011

My husband always looks at me like I’m the only one for him. Other people have told me they can tell he really loves me just by the way he looks at me. So I always thought that my husband would never cheat.

The past three years have been rough due to the poor economy forcing my husband to take a job 1000 miles away from home. The more money he made, the more he lied to me about spending it. I caught him in his lies but never caught him with another woman.

Right before Valentines Day (2011) I confronted him about a phone number that he called and texted frequently. He finally confessed to meeting another woman (11 years younger than me) and sleeping with her. Now my world is upside down and I don’t think I can ever sleep with him again.

The worst part is that he was texting her several times when I went to visit, right in front of me! Even during my birthday dinner last October. He claimed it was one of his buddies. I ignored the issue until now because he is on his way back to work and live in the same home with me. I don’t even want him here

written by light at the end of the tunnel, 22 March, 2011

I want all of you men/women to know that there is more to life than being with a cheater. I was engaged to a guy that cheated from the get go. I may have even been the other woman. He said they were just friends and then I found out she had a key to his apartment (that’s why I think I may have been the other woman.) I broke it off with him and moved away. A year and a half later, he came into my work and we decided to try things again. Come to find out he was not a changed man. I started suspecting something was up when he would call everyone on our caller id to find me if I wasn’t home when he got home. My sister moved the caller id to her room (we were roomies) and one day calls me in there to see a name on the caller id. It was my fiance’s supposedly dead wife. Turns out she was alive and well along with their 4 year old daughter. She left him because he had cheated on her. We were on a break when I found out about her not being dead. During that break he took my engagement ring and proposed to someone else. I called him to tell him I wanted to talk about us and armed with pictures of his ex wife and daughter, I confronted him about all his lies. Turns out the only things he didn’t lie about were his name and birth date. It took a long time to get over the hurt and pain, but now I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters. There is definitely life after a cheater and I encourage you all to seek it.

written by a fool who cannot give up, 24 March, 2011

Hi, on June 30,2010, my husband announced that he was not only retiring from his job but also retiring from his family. He has been extremely good with us since he left but I still cannot stop crying and dreaming of him every night. I am so lost with my husband of 20 years. I know that he was cheating on me but I still believe that we can get over this but he does not want to come home, how do I let go and go on when I still love him so much, everyone tells me to go on but I married for life and giving up is not in the cards. I am not an idiot usually but I am at a lost when it comes to saying it is over.

written by Shally, 15 April, 2011

Hi, I was reading your story and it sounds just like mine, that I am in right now. Actually, I think your story helped me cause I caught my husband cheating with this other girl and he denied it all the way until I heard phone messages of him saying he loved her. That broke my heart. I could of never imagined him saying that to another woman while we were together, now I really can’t trust him at all. I try, but he’s never quite told me the whole truth. His version of the truth keeps changing every time he tells a new story. I just don’t know what to do about the whole thing anymore. This was our first problem in our marriage and because of it everything that was perfect before is ruined. Every conversation or disagreement we have I think of when he did this to me. I think you know what I am the one sitting at home taking care of the kids, he was the one running out. When I was at home crying, he was out having fun and to be perfectly honest, I’m about ready to take a stand. I have one baby boy who look up to me. I don’t want him to grow up thinking that this is okay to let men treat you like this. So thank you for your article, it did really help me. The way I see it is if you cheat, and admit, tell the truth, then okay lets work on the marriage. But you know what, if your not even gonna tell the truth, then that means your not ready to be trusted – right?

written by the fool who cannot give up, 20 April, 2011

Hi again, Shally when my kids were small my husband cheated on me the first time and he was caught but he never really admitted everything and he continued to act as if he had done nothing wrong and after which every time he would do something that was suspicious and I would ask questions he would get defensive and turn the table around as if I was the bad guy, he actually told me that I had changed and for years I played the game for kids, he must have had many affairs during our 20 years, he often would not answer his telephone or turn it off and then he would say that it was on the charger, which would not be credible as he is a lawyer and his telephone was always on him but I never pushed because I did not want to rock the boat, then as the years went on I got tired of being married to a liar and pushed for answers and so he left when I did. So in retrospect I always knew what he was doing but for the kids I accepted it, what a fool I am, he left the day after our kids graduation and he barely calls them now...would I have done anything different? Probably not but I will make sure my son never treats his wife, too late for me but not for my kids. I still hurt but the more I write the more I see and know that I deserve better because I am a very good honest person who just married a man with many unresolved problems. Take care Shally, I know your pain, there is a better life out there for both of us xox

written by krismi, 27 May, 2011

Was married for 18 years when my husband decided to let his very young new coworker cry on his shoulder about being pregnant with a married man’s baby. Well their affair ended and I believe she started one with my husband. She would call asking him why he wasn’t at work yet, she called our house saying she was sorry she left the sheets a mess, he would park in front of the building she was working in even though he wasn’t scheduled to work there. I would catch him calling her on his cell through the phone bill. He said he removed her number and no longer talked to her so I believed him. Six months later I find a direct connect # hidden in the notebook of his cell phone – not the regular directory with no name. I beeped it and a young girl answered – I asked who it was and he said he didn’t know. Later when I was in the store he stated he now knew who it was – the young coworker!!! I said how did you know? He said I beeped it. I said why not in front of me and he said he did not know why. He said the number must have popped in there when he deleted it from the directory. Bull!!! Then when he was supposed to be at his friends house, his cell phone picked up a tower close to where she lives 20 miles away. The only time this tower picked up on his cell – the only time he could have gone to her house undetected because we weren’t around. That was all six years ago and he will not admit to a single thing wrong. He has lied in the past about watching girls in dorms with binoculars and smoking – other stupid things and it takes him six or seven years to finally admit the truth. Why lie about such stupid things? If you will lie about these surely you will lie about an affair. Now I feel how do I know this didn’t happen before and I didn’t catch on to it? Well after two years of his bullshit I had an affair of my own – made me feel a little better to see him in pain for a change but I told the truth or he would have never even caught on. He still won’t tell the truth – I guess it would make him look like the one who made it happen to begin with especially in his children’s eyes – they are grown and know all of this. He has to look the good guy who would never do this to his family. Well, because he hasn’t admitted, I still get very angry because we can’t work through it. I love my husband – he has always provided and been an excellent father but there are days I feel like throwing in the towel. All I’m asking for is the truth. Can’t I have that much respect?

written by written by a person who was always faithful, 05 June, 2011

My husband would always tell me that he is no different from other men. He would enjoy comedy movies portraying husbands cheating their wives. He would tell me that killing animals to eat and going to prostitutes is the biggest crime. He always insisted that I work and earn for a better living of us. Within just six months of our marriage, he went to Thailand and said that all his colleagues went to massage parlors for sex but that he had only massage. Once after six years of marriage, when I said that my blood test report showed -ve for HIV, he spontaneously said by slip of tongue that in that case he too would not have. This I neglected because I was pregnant. After I delivered, when the baby was 8 months old, my husband received a phone call from a prostitute which he entertained and spoke for some time assuring that he would meet her that day. It was only that morning that he came back home from a business visit. He told me it was a call from his Company’s customer who came along with him in the bus and that he had no other option but to go. I said I heard a girls voice, then after persuading, he said that it was a girl he met in the bus in the morning and that as they were new to the city, he gave them the card as they requested him that they would call him if any problem. After a long fight, he admitted that he gave his card to see if he could get any opportunity, but that there was nothing else in it. Later and Later... after 11 years of marriage, I saw a Facebook message sent by him to a girl saying that he saw her photos which were really sexy and hot and naughty and awful, etc...which on persuading my husband told that he sent it causally to a girl on the Facebook who had portrayed bold pictures of her. And that He did not even know the girl. It was during this period only that I discovered that he had registered in marriage matrimony websites free of cost for an alliance. This also he said that it was done impulsively when we had a fight. I had a look at the matrimony, wherein he had persuaded for one alliance. However he did not upload his photo or give any phone number. He was doing it anonymously. Other than this there were not much transactions in the matrimony websites. We lost two children due to genetic problem. All these things have disturbed me and I have no satisfaction in life. Am not able to concentrate on other important things in life. Though I am educated, I was not able to grow in my career because of domestic problems. I don’t know how to get out of this troubled waters. Please help

written by BetrayedandCrabby, 10 June, 2011

YOU ABSOLUTELY EXPOSE THE OTHER WOMAN! She should not go unscathed for her despicable behavior! If she’s married, her husband has every single right to know of his cheating wife’s transgressions. You could save a family from a lot more heart ache down the line, or save a life. Chances are, she’ll keep having affairs. These people need to be stopped!

written by winie A Kamanyire, 14 June, 2011

Thanks so much especially people with testimonies,they are an encouragement, knowing that what is happening in ones life is as well happening somewhere and if you are not yet there it does not mean that you are so unique but we have different experiences all together. let us find our joy, hope and rest in the Lord Jesus Christ and not be troubled John 14:2.

written by ?, 13 July, 2011

This may have been the roughest time for me.. I had this gut feeling telling me something was not right while my husband was oversees.. and yes it was correct he had cheated on me and not just once after i found out and confronted him when he came home for good, of course he denied it up until he just i practically twisted it out of him... It was the worst day of my life and this was 2 1/2 months ago. It still chokes me every time i think about it.. I know our relationship will never be the same so im working as hard as i can to start this relationship over.. It makes me feel bad and sorry for myself.. And really pissed because this situation has completely changed my life and was a wake up call that anything can happen to anyone and never ever take anything for granted and never blame yourself for someone else’s mistake... even if you are caught in the rough patch.. Always put yourself first no matter what..

written by fool who cannot give up, 16 July, 2011

Hi? I feel your pain, the first time my husband cheated on me I really believe a part of me died inside and my life after that was never the same as I never told anyone as they would never have forgiven my husband and I had decided to do so as I had 2 small kids and I did not want to break up my family. I had come from a loving family and wanted to give my kids the same. But the pain and memories were never far. Now I am 46 years old and I need now go on as he decided to leave after once again I found out that he was having an affair and got mad and since he was retiring he could not take being accused like that and he felt that he would not be able to tell me where he was during the day...this was 1 year ago and I still miss the big fool very much, the kids do so as well but if truth be told being able to go to bed at night without having to wonder if he cheater on me today is kind of nice. I hope that one day I will find someone who will love me but for now I need to rebuilt myself after the 20 years of mental abuse. But the fact remains that I would take him with open arms if he came back home. I miss him still stupid me...

written by -----, 27 July, 2011

I just found out last night – on our anniversary – that my husband had an affair about 4 years ago. It hit me out of left field and I still cannot believe it. He has and is my best friend and I still love him and I just so don’t know what to do or how to feel. I have read many of these posts but am still lost and confused. I don’t want anyone to think less of me – he says it was only with this one person and he would never dream of it happening again and that he is sorry. He is the one who came to me and finally told me – I didn’t know anything about it! What do you guys suggest?

written by i need some advice, 28 July, 2011

Been with my husband for 13 years. My second child was only 5 months old when I went to the dr. and found out my husband gave me gonorrhea. I was shocked, embarrassed, angry, name it, I was all the above! He admitted that it was that one time with a prostitute and he’d never do it again! I left him for a few days and decided I loved him too much to let him go. We’ve gone through a lot of issues, financially, personally....He lost his business and now he’s not working. He goes to one guy friends house a few times a week. When we argue,out of anger I say a lot of mean things..that later on I feel real bad about. But i feel that he got me to that point. I tell him that if he keeps acting like he doesn’t care, or not trying to change that hes gonna b by himself. Yesterday i found that he has been on those chatting websites (2 times in the past week) I had all the pain come back again! He says that I drove him to that! I feel that he emotionally manipulates me to think different! He told me its all the times i told him he was gonna be by himself...I love him too much....i have little girls....I dont know what to do anymore! HELP!

written by the fool who cannot give up, 31 July, 2011

Hi to the lady who’s husband told about his affair. I may be off but usually when a man confesses it is because he feels that someone is going to come forward and tell you. In my book, sadly my mother was right, once a cheater always a cheater. Why would anyone come forward and tell you some information that will hurt you?? Look into it and I am sure you will uncover more information. I wish you all the best but do ask the question, why now???

written by Lee717, 17 August, 2011

wow after reading all these post I see I’m not alone, but that doesn’t help much. I’ve been married 20 years and this has been the worst year of my life. My son joined the military, I lost my job, and I’ve been dealing with my mother being very sick she just passed away last month. Dealing with all these issues I discovered my husband had a secret friendship with a co-worker and they went dancing one night. I couldn’t believe it because I thought my husband was my best friend he was my rock and I adored him. Now I feel so alone because I feel betrayed and I wonder if he is happy with me or just staying with me because he feels it’s the right thing to do. I contacted my husband’s boss about what was happening at work and he talked to both my husband and the girl because he felt that wasn’t right and she was upset about this. My husband says he doesn’t speak to the girl anymore and he is sorry because he says he loves me. I wonder if I will ever get over this and can I ever trust him again. I don’t want to lose my husband but whenever he touches me I think of them dancing and this upsets me so much and I wonder what more they had. I wish you all luck and pray that the pain as I know is so great can heal.

written by 21 years and Brokenhearted, 24 August, 2011

Lee717 I just read your post, and you are only experiencing some of the things I have encountered, this year has been trying for me, I lost my mother, I was ill myself, and recently learned that my husband of 21 years had an affair with a co-worker and she had his baby. Just like the other women who have posted, I too feel very sad and lonely. My husband has been doing everything to save our marriage. I believe he has been upfront and honest, because he has shared a lot with me about the affair. However, that does not soothe my broken heart. All of our kids are grown employed or in college. This was suppose to be our time to enjoy one another, without the dealings of raising children, only for me to learn he has started over with a child. The woman admitted he did not want the child, but I guess that was her way of trying to hold onto him. I am torn, because there is a child involved and I don’t want to share my husband. Therefore the woman that I am, know that I need to leave him, so that he can feel openly to be in this child’s life. We have known each other for 39 years, we were best friends so I thought. He has been in my life, pretty much all my life, I met him when I was 6. This is so sad for me, this type of betrayal is like open heart surgery without anesthesia. I am in a new phase in my life, that includes spoiling grandchildren, not children. I am so hurt and lonely, it seems like if only I had my mother to talk to at least that would make life easier. One loss after another is devastating. I question if that’s a reason I am attempting to save our marriage. I am trying to follow the covenant of marriage. I pray and take moment by moment, and prayerfully one day it won’t be so overwhelming. Lee717 try to learn to trust your husband again, it could be worst than a dance. It could be another family.

written by still mixed-up, 28 August, 2011

This happened to me 2 years ago. Cheating husband with a co-worker. I was the last to know. I reacted with physical violence towards him and threw him out. My children only knew we were separating and they were falling apart. I was humiliated by having to get tested for diseases. I also went to their work to make sure their boss was aware and that he speak to her about staying away from myself and my children. I wanted nothing to do with the whore, so I made her someone else’s problem. My husband went to get help for himself and we are back together. We still go to counseling...Very important! We talk about everything! No subject is off the table. Our relationship has changed, but its for the better. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes resent that in order to get here I suffered the most. I started out depressed, constantly vomiting, everything reminding me, to moments of anger, or moments of sadness. I talk through each moment with my husband and he works through them with me. He spends each day trying to do at least one thing to make me smile. I would not settle for less! If you have a cheater who avoids and doesn’t communicate...run! If he doesn’t respect what it has done to you or your children...run!

written by strongsurvive, 28 August, 2011

I’m disgusted by all of these stories. Teaching our children how to hurt one another and destroy trust. The one left to hurt, cry, and feel humiliated is also the one who has to care for the needs of the children. Sometimes a task almost impossible to endure. I know from experience. I am still with my husband ONLY because he got help for himself first. Then we went to counseling together. He is also willing to endure any venting or questioning by me. We communicate about everything, all the time. If for one moment I didn’t believe him to be mature enough for our family’s needs, I would leave. Don’t let a cheater get away with making you feel bad or guilty or insignificant. And certainly don’t give the whore two seconds of attention. She’s nothing but the sloppy hole between blether legs.

written by help, 03 October, 2011

i have just heard my partner over 10 yrs having sex he answered the phone by accident, i heard them talking after i heard her say have you just come all over me so he wasnt using a condom. we have an 8yr old boy and a 6mnth old girl. i have vomited, i cant get the noises out of my head, i cant stop crying and i keep getting this weird sensation between my legs like i cud push my insides out i feel dirty, this happened an hour ago, im numb i dnt no who to turn to or what to do but i just wanna get away as far as possible, i cried so hard my head hurts and my belly aches. i just need help i cant feel how im feeling my kids will know so ive been hiding in my room with a million thoughts going thru my mind including suicide, every few minutes i can hear her in my mind moaning and i dnt no how to stop it. please help.

written by S.Anderson, 06 October, 2011

My cheating husband was upset that I found him on a website with women. He was making dates with them and it made me angry because he gave me herpes. Cheating is wrong

written by Nia, 14 October, 2011

My story is just insane...I married a stranger! my loser husband of 6 years cheated! He keeps cheating! He sleeps at the mistresses house! he doesn’t want to leave my house and move the hell out! I lost my job! I have no money! I cannot afford a divorce! I cannot afford the house on my own! but i don’t care all i want is to start to heal! I want him out of my life! He says that i am not enough for him!
He said that he doesn’t want to stop cheating! but yet he still wants to live with me and my 4 year old daughter!
I don’t even know what to do at this point! I live everything in the hands of God. I strongly believe in Karma. What goes around will definitely come back around.

written by Alex Singapore, 24 October, 2011

Hi, what to do if the company Big Boss is having affair with the Marketing senior manager? They have traveled together very often on business trips and stayed in the same hotel room. People saw them in oversea acting like a couple, holding hands, kissing and touching and in and out from the same hotel room in Europe recently. Everyone in the office is gossiping about the affair and felt ashamed of having such disgusting Boss playing with his own married woman staff, woman of 40+ with 2 kids. Everyone has lost respect totally to both these incest, worst than ANIMAL!

written by hurts but life goes on., 08 December, 2011

My boyfriend at the time cheated on me from April to October 2009 without me even thinking there was another woman. We were having problems and fighting a lot but i NEVER saw infidelity coming. We had been together for 4 years and were in a rut as I think a lot of relationships experience. This "woman" met him at a bar (classy) and she KNEW about me from day one, but she pursued him anyways. It was a two way street of course, my boyfriend gave her his number and took hers as well. Eventually they began "hanging out" and having sex. At our apt, at her apt, who knows where else. She was an older woman, unemployed and not nearly as attractive as I am (really, not just saying that bc i hate her). She did however, fill a void for my boyfriend that I apparently left gaping. A void that was easily filled by spreading her legs. I actually came home early from a party once and she was at my apt with my boyfriend and a couple other people, but for some reason I just didnt think anything of it. I thought she was one of the other guys girlfriends. I WISH i would have taken a closer look bc now I remember her turning away from me immediately when she saw me walk in...as if she was CAUGHT. Well, it only took a month after that for their affair to come unraveled. I found out on Halloween night 2009 by accident. My boyfriend fell asleep and he received a text around 3am. Out of curiosity I checked to see who it was...he stupidly forgot that he had given me his passcode to his phone long before. I never forgot it. Turns out the text was from our very drunk friend, so i laughed a little then noticed a text a few down from a name i didnt recognize. It was her and it was flirty. So i kept digging and digging until I saw a text revealing how she wanted to have him come over and watch her clean her apt in her red thong and how they should celebrate his birthday with something involving leather. I shot up in bed, gasped, and felt as if my heart stopped and hit the floor. I know you all understand that indescribable feeling. I cried silently with him right next to me. I kept it a secret for nearly 2 weeks, secretly checking his phone to see their correspondence. He still wanted to see her even though we were doing better at the time so this hurt me beyond belief. I couldnt hold it in anymore. I was making dinner then just started balling in front of him and told him i knew everything. He denied until I said..."then why does she want you to see her in her red thong???!!!" He got silent then told me everything. In a way he was relieved bc all the drama of this girl was finally over. Apparently she had been giving him ultimatums and threatening to tell me...etcetc. She had become the crazy girlfriend and I was the salvation, funny enough. I was familiar, safe, comfortable and most of all NON dramatic. If you read some of the emails she wrote him (3-4 pages long each) trying to convince him to dump me to be with her. They were exhausting! to read!!
The ending to my story is actually a happy one. Because of this woman, my boyfriend and I became closer and stronger than we ever were in 4 years. It is now 2 years later and he is my husband and we have a newborn baby girl. I know some women may think that I am weak for not leaving him immediately, but there was NO WAY IN HELL i was letting that pathetic, dramatic, lunatic of a woman to come into my life, turn it upside down and leave me in the dust! I built this life and I intend to live in it. It has trials and tribulations, but it also has wonderful memories and new adventures ahead.
Oh PS. This past summer she saw him at that same bar they met and she harassed him until he obliged to speak with her outside. (she made a complete fool of herself bc she was wasted...this woman must be 33 now and at a college bar. I wasnt there bc i was pregnant. She was livid that he hadnt given her proper closure (i think she was pissed that I won and she didnt) He was so annoyed with her very presence that told her that we were married and having a baby to get her to shut up and leave him alone. She told him that he was unhappy and that I "trapped" him with our child. I wouldnt stand for her bashing me anymore without me getting to defend myself so lets just say I got the very last word with a VERY NASTY email to her. Childish, maybe, but it felt GOOOOOODDD!!

written by Aroha, 26 December, 2011

I found out on Christmas day my partner of nearly 9 years cheated on me beginning of December that he had cheated on me and wasnt going to tell me til after New years, what a big fat lie. Im 5 1/2 months pregnant with our 4th child. Im so hurt and mad im disgusted!

written by -----, 29 December, 2011

I will confess my sins. Please don’t judge me. All i need is an advice.

Five years ago i had an affair with my co-worker and I have 2 kids with him.I’m married with my husband for almost 10 yrs.I decided to keep it secret and let him think that the kids is his kids. I thought I can handle it but i was bothering by my conscience for what i have done. My hubby is a loving, responsible and caring person. And I don’t want fool him forever so i decided to tell him.I keep on praying to the Lord above to guild me and give me strength and power to tell him the truth. And When the time comes that I have all the nerve. I tell him that my to kids was not his children. He drunk and told me profane languages. He went to a friends house and told the story.The friend of ours asked for help of his pastor father to get calmed and give some advice. After a couple of days I was shock that my hubby was moving on. Telling me to forget all of that and We will start all over again. I’m very glad that he accept me and my kids.

After a year I notice that he changed a lot and i was thinking that he’s doing revenge. And finally i caught him cheating on me. I don’t know what to do. We always fight day and night and he always told me the things that i have done. don’t know what to do. He constantly showed me that the girl love him more that to me. I beg for your advice please help and don’t criticize me. a million thanks

written by Annie J Ash, 05 January, 2012

I am in a similar situation today, my husband has been cheating on me again and gain, i have caught him red handed many a times flirting with girls, and every time he says he will not do it again. He takes names of other ladies in his sleep. We have a little daughter, instead of trying to dedicate his time for the little child and me, he is ever interested in his so called special friends. I am jobless at the moment, and may be he has seen some signs of aging in me. These may be the reasons, why he is doing so. Am so confused what to do. Just hate to live this way.....

written by....heartbroken, 12 January, 2012

I have been married for 11 years now and found out 3 years ago my husband had an affair with a co-worker that lasted a month. I had thoughts that something wasn’t right, we were fighting so much about stupid things and things just felt off. One day he left his phone at home I went thru the text messages and found a text from her, from 6 months before a night I was out of town. The text was them planning to meet at our home and have sex for the first time. I felt my legs get weak and lost my breath. I must have read the conversation at least 20 times in dis belief each time. We had just had a miscarriage 2 weeks before the date of the text and i could not understand who my husband had become...how could he do this to our marriage. So I called him and confronted him and then called her and confronted her. Both denied it,so I confronted her husband so he could know the truth and not be fooled as I was. Sadly we were all friends and at the time that I found out her and I were becoming better friends. When he got home he confessed it all and stated that they never slept together just made out a few times, but couldn’t take it any further. He says the affair was over and he would do anything to save this marriage. Her husband, myself and my husband all sat down a few days after finding out to make sure we knew the complete truth and my husband would not look at her and has not spoken to her since. After 3 years we have been working on our marriage and I am now pregnant with our first child and trying daily to forgive him, but am fearful that I may never be able to. The hurt keeps me up at night and although they do not work together anymore I still see her at times at the store and the anger and hurt comes back. I wonder if I can trust him again or if sometimes love isn’t enough....I am in love with him and can’t see myself with anyone else... Still confused

written by erintheugly, 12 January, 2012

after 26 yrs. of marriage, the last 15 which were sexless by his choice, i found emails between my husband and his first cousin. they had a yr. long affair, but he swears they never slept together, just had phone sex. i discovered all this two years ago and i am still crushed. he talks to me now, he’s much nicer to me in many ways. we had sex alot after the affair was discovered (don’t ask, i can’t explain), but he hasn’t touched me in over a year. i don’t think i love him anymore, i certainly don’t respect him. he thinks i’m keeping myself "worked up" over this and that if i truly wanted to move forward i would never mention it to him or heaven forbid be depressed and hurt. i’ve been told it takes a long time to get over. you’d think after two years i might be a little better, but i’m not. am i crazy?

written by wannamoveon, 13 January, 2012

After 10 years of marriage and 4 beautiful kids, i found out 2 months ago that my hubby has been having an affair with his co-worker Fajeria for the past 7 months. This all started when she made an inappropriate comment about him on his bday and within a couple of weeks the relationship had escalated to naked pics, vids, luncheons, kissing and finally basement dates. Snyders is a mother of a 2 year old, only been married 3 years and yet she went outside of her marriage when you are supposed to be in the "honeymoon phase". I called her to speak to her and she said she wanted a closure discussion with hubby, so i went there with him and it was evident that she has feelings for him. He told her that he doesnt want to be with her. Their stories differed somewhat in that he said she was always telling him how badly Abubakr was treating her and he felt sorry for her but then says she is very happy with her hubby... After all was said and done, I felt so bad for her i gave her a lift (i wasnt angry, i just felt so sorry for her) They still work together and everyday i struggle with feelings of inadequacy, hurt, resentment and not to mention fear, fear that they havent stopped, fear that they will start again if they had...everything scares me. Hubby has asked me to forgive him, says he doesnt know why he did it, he isnt in the least bit attracted to her and also they both swear blind that they didnt actually consummate the relationship. They did everything else but THAT. I dont know how to move past this, part of me wants to work at this and trust him again but the bigger part wont allow me to make myself vulnerable, wont let him love me. Every Fajeria aspect of our lives is tainted, every time he does or says something my first thought is did he do this with her. We have been going for counseling and i was prepared to work at it, but after reading all these posts i wonder if men who have cheated can ever really be faithful again? My heart couldnt bear it if he had to do this again???? Has anyone’s story actually had a happy ending??

written by Wannagetbetter, 16 January, 2012

I too have felt the pain of infidelity recently. My husband of 2 1/2 years (10.5 yrs together total) told me he had sex with someone while we were trying to work on our marriage. He kept telling me he needed his space but I was fighting to be with him. He said the more I pushed to be with him the more it made him want to stay away longer. He out of nowhere one day said he wanted to have space and move out to make things better. We have a son and I was devastated. So he got an apartment and I gave him the space he needed because I told him I would do anything to try and make our marriage work. I never thought he could cheat on me. He told me he loved me everyday, he was still at the house everyday to see our son. I honestly never saw it coming. He came back to me after a month of living alone. I was so happy when he came back, so excited to be close again. Bit he still was distant with me. About a week after he came back he said come talk to me. I thought he was going to say he still needed space and more time apart. What I heard next was unimaginable in my eyes. He said he had fallen in love with someone else and that they had sex one night. Only once. I was so confused and shocked. This was the man who loved me and treated me like a princess for the past ten plus years. Everyone always said how perfect we were. How could this happen to me. What did I do to deserve this. I gave him space lime he wanted but he took advantage of it. I love him with everything I am and I am trying my hardest to get past this for us and my son. He promises it was an isolated incident and it will never happen again and that he loves me. I want to believe him but it’s so hard. I feel like I fought so hard to save us and then he goes and does that. I don’t know who that person is, the man I know would never do that to me. No one knows, I don’t want to deal with the embarrassment and having people ask me why I’m still with him. So I cry all the time, I can’t focus at work, dropping weight, I’m just hurting so badly and no one knows. I want to feel better but obsessive thoughts about him an her keep circling my head. How do u make theses thought stop and how can I move on, please help!

written by..., 16 January, 2012

To all you broken-hearted, hurting ladies (and possibly men) out there, I know you must feel betrayed and upset. You probably feel lost as to what to do now. Let me assure you that, although you are going through a very tough trial right now, and sometimes, it seems that the easiest thing to do is just to give up on the relationship altogether, that is not be best decision to make. Confront your partner about his (or her) cheating, then forgive them and forget about it. The relationship mending process will be difficult, because, odds are, he (or she) will not change overnight. I know it will be frustrating. I know it will break your heart. I know that you will want to give up. But keep on forgiving. Keep holding on. Keep loving relentlessly, because soon enough, your partner will see that you love them and that you want to make things work out. James 1:2-3 says "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of you faith worketh patience." Although the path to healing will be a great struggle, comfort yourself with the knowledge that with every day that you endure your pain and continue to love and forgive your partner, your patience will grow, and you will become more and more of a better person. God bless all you hurting people.

written by Blue Bayou, 17 January, 2012

I have been with my husband, my first and hopefully not the last, for over 23 years. I’ve always been the practical one and he a dreamer so you can imagine that I kept us together. It all started with "splitting" the money in 2008. I agreed because I had no choice – meaning that there was no way I will be seeing any of his money let alone his pay stub. Then little things started to pop up, like one text message from a woman flirting with him, who he claims was just someone trying to flirt with him. Another episode was a picture of a woman on his phone, which he claimed "came with the phone". We have the same phone and mine doesn’t have that picture. He had said last May that he doesn’t love me anymore and he needs to move out. I was angry, threw him plenty of bad words that I didn’t even realize I was creative enough to put together. But he never left, stayed in one of the spare rooms and came and went whenever he pleased. To make it short, he was acting like a single man with no responsibilities.

Then the most devastating part came just last Friday. I always snoop in his room whenever I get a chance and I got lucky last Friday. He had left his laptop bag, which he carries with him everywhere he goes. In it was a folder with 3" worth of Western Union receipts, evidence of financial support for someone else in another country since January 2011! There were at least 6 postcards addressed and mailed to the same woman as the Western Union receipts from July 2011. Birth certificates of her children, and among other things, proof that he had paid a company to assist him in petitioning the woman and her kids to come on a fiance visa. Here’s the catch – the idiot started the process of getting the woman here and we are still legally married!

I was numb Friday night. I wanted to hurt their relationship. I was angry that my husband literally stopped having a relationship with our son instead, started a relationship with this woman and her children.

Today, however, I feel reborn. I am better than these people. My son is worth every love and attention that I can bestow on him until he comes of age. I just realized that after 23 years of hardship and okay, good times, with this man, I no longer wish to be a part of his lying, scheming ways. I see him now as a very lonely, confused, pathetic, idiot. I have a future (I’ve gone back to school and will have my Bachelor’s degree in May) and he doesn’t. I can sleep at night – he can’t, as evidenced by the bottles of vodka I often find around the kitchen. I have my son’s love and respect – he doesn’t. He is a supreme loser and a mess and he will continue to lie and cheat until the day he dies.

written by Blue Bayou, 17 January, 2012

Last Friday, I found out that my husband of 23 years have been supporting another woman with two children in another country for over a year and plans to petition them to come to this country. Can you imagine how devastated I am at the moment?

written by LisaMM, 17 January, 2012

I found out my husband has been cheating on me. I found the hotel receipts. 30 TIMES going to this hotel over the course of 2 yrs. He, of course, does not admit it but it is so obvious. I have a daughter that is almost 4 yrs and I cannot see divorcing him and not being able to see my daughter even if it is for weekend every other weekends. I am very angry though and cannot stand seeing him or hearing his voice. what should do?

written by Another scorned women, 22 January, 2012

My husband was working away from home for 7 years living a double life. Nice of him. He transferred home when decided he had enough with Maria. She texted his cell phone I found it. Long story short. We are together financially I cant afford to leave... GIRLS please remember if you ever find your self involved with a married man. 1.) He will do it to you 2.) he may have a very nice wife at home w Kids 3.) he is very selfish stay away. 4.) find a single man that will treat you right.. to all the women that know their husband is cheating get all you ducks in a row save up $ and keep all the proof hidden make a get away plan..

written by WithOrWithout, 25 January, 2012

I was married to my kids’ father for one year. He has been a cheater his whole life and I wasn’t able to change that. He put me through so much misery. I left him 3 years ago. Honestly, since then, I have not gotten better. I have had more cheating boyfriends since then and it is doing no good for me to hope that I will meet a guy who doesn’t cheat. I’ve learned that most of them cheat. Plain and simple. My father does it to my mom. I hate it all.
I have been having separation anxiety when my kids go with him and I worry about them because he is unhealthy. Since he has a secure income, he has a home now and provides for them.
As sick as it sounds, I’m planning to go back. Why? To be with my kids. I am about to become homeless and of the many family members I have, they cannot help me with a place to stay or room to have my kids visit. My assistance was taken from me and I’ve had 0 luck finding a job. All I want is to be with my kids.
So, unfortunately, I will probably end up in his home, sleeping in a spare room, living with this cheating liar only to be with my kids. He says he will take me in and never wanted me to leave anyhow. But, he is not going to have what I gave him before. It is strictly for our two children, who we both agree is in our best interest.
This is bullsh*t. Because the state took my benefits and doesn’t want to assist me anymore, I am left with this sickening choice. I was unable to get on my feet as a single mother with no education and no job. I cannot provide a 3 bedroom home for them and the place I lived is considered to be like to projects. There has been crime, drug use, abuse, and drama going on there that I am sick of. Its a community full of poor people and I couldn’t stand the thought of my kids being raised there.
Now, because of the poor economy and lack of jobs, I feel it’s my best option to live with him and raise our kids together. He agrees I should sleep in a separate room and continue to look for work.
I really have to turn off part of my brain in order to do this. He’s going to be screwing other women outside the home. I will be trying not to piss him off.
What a life...

written by heartbroken and confused..., 28 January, 2012

My husband and I will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary next month (been together over 19 years) and have 3 children, the oldest 17 and the youngest 5. I am so completely confused and my heart is broken because I really think he’s cheating on me with a co-worker but of course he claims it’s nothing... He works two jobs and the one job he works is the night shift. He was supposed to be sleeping and we always leave him alone so he can sleep. I happen to go in the room for something and I find him with a phone that is not his usual cell phone. Come to find out, it’s a track phone. He claims he found it in DD’s parking lot(it looks brand new w/o a scratch on it). Immediately I tried to get the phone so I could see who he was texting, he threw the phone behind the headrest of the bed and we struggled for 45 minutes as I tried to get the phone. He got the phone before me and managed to power it off which locked the phone. He lied saying he had no idea how to get in the phone because it was locked and he was trying to figure out the code when I came in. He continued this lie until I told him I spoke to my brother and his friend works on verizon and he can plug the phone in and pull up everything that was on it. He then decided to tell me the story that he did find the phone but he was texting his co-worker Maria about a meeting that they had with their horrible boss and he hid it because I wouldn’t understand that he was texting a woman. He claims he had the phone for a week and erased all the contacts, pics, etc and held onto it. He decided to give her that number so they could talk about the meeting. I do have to say that there wasn’t anything incriminating in the texts that he had in the phone but there was only about two texts each from them. I’m sick to my stomach over this. I called this woman up and asked her what was going on with her and my husband? She gave me the same story that he did and told me that he just gave her the phone number that day and they never texted before at all. This woman and him have worked together for 3yrs and their cubicles are right next to each other. She is also married with kids. He claims that the other 4 men in his group all correspond with her through text and phone calls and that he was doing nothing wrong. Besides, being sneaky with the phone because, I wouldn’t understand him talking to her after work hours and he just wanted to "fit in". My heart is telling me that he’s cheating but I have no hard evidence and he keeps denying it. I can’t seem to get over this and it’s making me physically and mentally sick! He’s making me out to be completely crazy and I feel I’m becoming like that!! I just don’t understand why he would put his life on the line to text just a "co-worker". He mentioned counseling and we just started going. He claims he loves me so much and would never do this BUT than why is something in my brain/heart telling me that he did and is. Someone please give me some advice because I’m completely lost and heartbroken!!!

written by Riley R, 28 January, 2012

I went through this with my wife and if it helps, there is support out there. Lots and lots of books written on how to understand this, the why and the lack of guilt. All of it.

It took about a year but I’m over it now. In the end I realized that nobody really signs up to have an affair and that it takes two to make partners consider they have no other choices than cheating.

In our case it was a lack of communication. My wife felt that it was actually easier to cheat than to have the heart to heart that needed to take place. She had grown bored of me, of our life in the country and wanted more than anything to feel "passion" again.

I’ve realized now that its impossible to expect one person to be everything for another without having 100% communication all the time. Its like a plant that needs watering and is very fragile and sometimes with kids, the house and bills that little plant forgets to be watered.

I will say our marriage now is stronger than ever, I really don’t put 100% of the blame on her and we’ve grown as a couple to new levels that weren’t possible without going through the affair.

written by beentheredonethat, 04 February, 2012

To WithoWithout, get an education The state will help you get an education in your situation. Don’t make excuses for yourelf to put yourself in that kind of situation. Go back to school, like nursing, or well anything, just get an education. You will be glad you did.

written by IM HURTING SO MUCH, 17 February, 2012

I’V BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 9 YEARS AND MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS, WE HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS ONE IS 3 AND 2..I FOUND OUT LAST YEAR ON FACEBOOK THAT HE HAS BEEN TALKING TO A GIRL WHEN I ASKED ABOUT HER SHE JUST A FIREND THEN ON HIS PHONE I SEE MESSAGES FROM ADULTFIRENDFINDER,MATCH1,MATE,FLING AND 10 OTHER SITE, HE SAID HE DONT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT BUT ALL HIS MESSAGES WERE OPEN CAUSE HE OPEN THEM ON HIS PHONE. THEN I GO TO NEW YORK HE STOOD IN FLORIDA WE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT AND I FIND 5 OF THEM SAYING THAT HE LIVES IN FLORIDA AND LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO JUST HAVE SEX WITH I TOLD HIM ABOUT IT HE STIIL DONT KNOW NOTHING, NOW SOME OF THEM HAS HIS PICTURES AND PICTURES OF HIM HOLDING MY DAUGHTER AND HE STILL DONT KNOW ABOUT IT AND HE DIDNT DO IT, SOMEONE DID THAT TO HIM....I KNOW HIS FACEBOOK PASSWORD AND THEY ALL HAD THE SAME PASSWORD BUT SOMEONE DID THAT TO HIM.....IM NOT STUPID..AND NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE I HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS WITH HIM AND THEY NEED THERE FATHER AND I CANT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM THEM CAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO NOT LIVE WITH MY DAD SO NOW WHAT AM I TO DO? I LOVE HIM AND I REALLY CANT SEE MYSELF WITH OUT HIM AND I HATE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM WITH OTHER FEMALES BUT HE DID ALLOT TO ME..THATS NOT ALL HE DID TO ME THERES MORE FROM WHEN THE TIME WE GOT BACK TOGETHER WHEN WE MADE 1 YEAR TOGETHER...9 YEARS GOING THROUGHT ALOT WITH HIM I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD OF LEFTED HIM 4 YEARS AGO BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE ITS TOO LATE...I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO THINK...IM HURTING SO MUCH, I NEED HELP..

written by ----, 19 February, 2012

A few months ago, I found out that my Professor husband of 8 years – whom I have given up my country and career/job (i have postgraduate qualification) – well, he was caught red-handed going on a 1-week business trip alone to the Mediterranean with more than half a dozen condoms packed in his luggage.
Note that he does not use condoms with me. There can only be one readon why he packed so many condoms for his business trip.....
I confronted him and of course, he denied it at first. And then he said it was only old condoms!! But then again, he is a Scrooge and will use expired stuff.... And he blamed me for sniffing aorund in his luggage!!
He has herpes and did not tell me before the marriage and I only found out recently – God knows what other diseases I got from him and the liaisons he has had.
(he is the one and only man in my life so far).

No logical explanation from him. No apologies. Then he badmouthed me to his family and friends. And they believed this cheater!!
BTW, Most men will shift the blame on to the wife and even berates the wife publicly too. Previously, he has women friends/co-workers/neighbours whom he has ‘comforted’ in THEIR times of stress..... and so generous with them too.

We are now separated and I have engaged a lawyer for a divorce. A cheating man like this does not deserve my love and sacrifices!

I hope he gets his deserved Karma.

written by Whattodonow, 24 February, 2012

Hi all, well I have been with my husband since I was 16 – to say the least we have had a rocky 10 years where one minute he wants to commit and the next he is trying to get off with another woman. We moved house in 2008 away from old faces and we had the perfect relationship for about 3 years, the best our relationship had ever been. we then got engaged (he asked me) and planned to get married in 2011 (again he stressed so much to me that he wanted to commit and grow old with me and make this a fresh start and a new beginning in our some what up and down relationship that I always seem to be picking up the pieces).
Before we moved there were occasions where I heard rumours and seen the odd text message to a girl, but it was mostly emotional affair rather than actually having sex etc, but still this broke my heart because I was constantly faithful to him!
I was actually over the moon to marry him, our relationship was perfect and I could tell he gave it everything he could and as much as I did to make it perfect. As he said to me ‘our marriage is gonna be the beginning of a wonderful life together and forgetting about all the stuff before’. But then a year leading to the wedding sex went down hill completely, he never made the first move and always had an excuse not to do it, then he was promoted 3 times at work within that year divi hardly saw him as he was working all hours he could and travelling with work. I relised things were changing between us for the worst and I had no idea why, whenever we were in the same room he would constantly argue with me for no reason, whenever I pointed out the things I noticed he made out I was going mad!!!
Anyway we got married and had a wonderful day, only thing was things got even worse (still no idea why). Only to be kept guessing for a whole 2/3 years and my hubbie to be making out I was insane – I finally had it out with him 3 months after we got wed and wanted answers as to why things have changed, he wouldn’t give any so I decided and plucked up the courage to tell him I was leaving. It wasn’t the best time to tell him this as he had been out with the lads watching football and drinking, he went into this rage and was throwing me about the room and strangled me, I literally thought I was going to die!
From then on he couldnt tell me enough how much he was sorry and things obviously wasn’t right between us, days went by with him pretending nothing happened! We decided to move on from this and look to the future. Then 2 months after things again worsened the same as before so I knew something was going on and he left his work phone on while sleeping, so I went with my Gut and checked his phone only to find he had been emailing 2 other women asking them out, telling them he was single and I was interested in 1 thing!! Well I woke him up demanding an explanation – yet again he couldn’t so I left and went to my friends for over a week. I was told that he was going out getting girls numbers and getting legless on booze, then he would be calling me and begging me to come back!
So I went back hoping for him to explain what the hell is going on but he found it so difficult to open up to me?!! We never had secrets between us. Anyway obviously I didn’t trust him and I checked his work phone behind his back, to find that while I was at my friends he had been ringing sex lines, phoning local escorts, so I checked our online banking where I realised he had blown £700 in a week …… on what?!
He still says he can’t remember how he spent that much?! And the numbers he called where to make me jealous because he knew I would see them?!!
Anyway months later of finally getting my head together and deciding to prepare myself financially to leave for good, he calks me out if the blue, all chirpy saying he has booked us a surprise, the same day after work I find in his wallet a reciept for a local brothel!!!! To which he still denies its for a brothel- he thinks I’m so dumb!
Well leading up to our first anniversary I haven’t saved much because he has left his job and he is doing part time work, I am also expecting his baby and I just can’t stop crying, I feel so depressed with it all on my shoulders.
He has since told me all this happened bc of his childhood (different dad every week) and losing close members of his family, but for some reason I just can’t see the connection between whats happened in day to day life and what he has done to us, me. He still hasn’t confessed and rages if I ask anything about it, he keeps telling me it was a mistake and he really wants us to work and loves the fact of becoming a dad for the first time.

I love this guy so much but everything that is special in your life he has just turned it to mud, I have told him on many occasions that I want marriage counselling with him but then shrugs it off, I feel like I will look back at my wedding day and my pregnancy in 20 years time and feel nothing but pain and regret, I’m so confused and heartbroken.

written by Hurt ashley, 25 February, 2012

My story fits right in with you all. Except the fact that I’m a complete and utter dumb ass.

It all started with a Craigslist add when we had nearly been married 8 months and I found a post of him putting his "penis for sale". Then the emailing of the numerous women and all the times I’ve caught him... All while he denies it getting angry at me. I confront him he just says " it’s harm less I never did anything I just emailed them. I never had sex" well I find a text between him and a fat women (***) talking sexually. He tells me that I shouldn’t be going thru his phone and that it’s just a joke all the while I’m getting more crazy. he changes his paw words on his phone and the more I ask about it the more we fight. So about 8 months later after all of this ( from the first post till this
Date it’s been 4 years of this crap) I find a text. On his phone that he forgot to delete... Not to mention I found pics that he sent of his dick to her... So these text go like this h: " what’s the nastiest thing you would ever do to me don’t judge me " she goes on to tell him how she would blow him good and all this nasty stuff. Immediately I loose it. I snap. I started pacing thru the house and didn’t even know what to do. Finally I caught him. But I scream and rant and cry and yet I’m still here. This happened in nov and Its now feb and still has yet to do marriage counseling like he promised me. he doesn’t care about my feelings and I’ve made a date that by feb 29 if he doesn’t sign up for it I’m filling for divorce his response... The more u push me and threaten me the less I’m going to do for u... Nice eh ? Fml

written by sick and confused, 07 March, 2012

Ok I have to let this out... Its sad I really have no one to talk to

I have been with my husband going on ten years we are high school sweet hearts we have been married going on twin years. He has cheated on me in the past abduction I choose to forgive him. I now have feelings of being unwanted like I no longer make him happy, I no longer see that spark in his eyes. I have no proof that he has cheated again but he has been distant. When we have sex at first it seems as if he wants to and is exited but when it comes down to it he has a hard time getting hard and when he does our sex is really short. I don’t know I don’t understand what it could be it is beginning to really take a toll on me and making me feel bad about myself as if this problem is washing my self-esteem away.... Idk I just need help need some one to talk to...

Becoming really depressed

written by up in the air, 09 March, 2012

I so feel for you all (having my own story) and appreciate everyone’s honesty. I am separated = its not easy we still have a house (he has his own place now) and a son together. reading everyone’s stories makes me more determined to stick up for myself – so thanks. The way I see it is I need a partner who I can rely on and trust – and who makes me feel loved and secure – he turned me into a baggage case seriously – hearing mobiles going off disappearing acting strange or angry when asked questions etc he wasn’t always like that but hes chosen that life so maybe its for the best – I would never have left him I am too loyal – so this way I get out

written by too broken, 11 March, 2012

I am also facing a situation where i found out my husband having lied to me and cheated me on many occassions. though i confront him when he is caught, he never never tells me the truth. Though i feel if he tells me the truth , I can forgive, For the only reason that i love him so much and can’t live without him. But how long can this happen, hw long can I listen to his lies and still stay on? I am really really deeply hurt and i hope he realises one day and empathises me. Still waiting with a broken heart

written by Still in love, but hurt and confused., 15 March, 2012

The worst thing is that no one knows that my husband had an indiscretion. NOT, our family, friends, or our priest. We have been married two months shy of 25 years. This happened almost 6mths ago, and the pain is still their. Up til this point, we were, what I thought was a loving couple , 3 teenaged children, house, dogs, etc. I found some texts and confronted him. He did admit to the texting, but I still don’t know why or what was said. He has never told me, so I imagine the worst. She was an ex-girlfriend from 30 years ago. She found him on Facebook. I explained to him that I need to know, and he only gets angry. He says nothing happened and he has already said he was sorry, and to just move on. He says he is embarassed. But what if I didn’t find some of the texts. He erased the other 83 of them. Oh yeah 85 texts in less then 5 days, but some of it was business, or so he says. After he told her to stop texting, she still did and he told me about it, I called her up myself, she let it go to voicemail, so I told her, and boy, did it feel good. I just wish she had answered. We don’t have money for marriage counseling, cause I know I need it. To resolve these feelings I still have. The not knowing what was said can drive you crazy... This man if my best friend. I can’t go to my family to talk, I can’t go to my friends either. And our priest knows him from my husband teaching CCD at our church. So I have been walking around in a daze for months, getting older looking overnight, I use to look like I was in my thirties, now I look every bit near fifty. I have told him about how I am feeling, and I know he is sorry and mad at himself. I know that when he looks at my aging face, he knows he is the reason. We have had major fights and I still get very little answers. He feels as though he has said sorry and what more is there? I have tried to explain that I need to know things, but he doesn’t understand, so I just pray to God that each day if better

written by My heart hurts, 15 March, 2012

Omg, I cant believe I found this and I’m so glad I did. Two weeks ago, I just found out my husband cheated. My son asked me for some YouTube videos and when I took the laptop, I noticed that his history was erased...red flag. I felt something in my heart because a few days earlier, I found the same thing. I knew something was up and so I started doing some digging and I found a whole bunch of dirty pictures of 12 girls...wtf....on two pictures, there is a girl hiving him oral sex that broke my heart completely into millions of pieces. I waited for him with the laptop open and confronted him about these pictures. He admitted that he cheated a long time ago and admitted that he started getting these pictures since mid 2000’s...We are high school sweethearts and we were always happy. He said that in a way, he feels a relief that it is out in the open...he agreed to marriage counseling. He also admitted that he was taken to the hospital for an anxiety attack that he had and he never mentioned it to me...wtf I’m his wife. I cannot deny that I still love him with all my heart. We have been together for 12 years and married for 3 and half years and I still cant believe I’m going through this. We will have our first marriage counseling this coming Saturday (in two days) and I’m nervous to know what is going to happen. I see him and I hate him and then at times, I see him and I still love him. Ugh, I hate this. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories, now I know that I’m not the only one. I already feel better. Thank you and good luck to everyone....God Bless

written by Sooo confused :0(, 19 March, 2012

My husband moved out 9 months ago, because he felt he needed space, and didn’t want our marriage to end in divorce.... So we’ve been struggling financially, paying rent for his place and mortgage for our place, double the bills.... The last month has been amazing, and I believed everything was back in track... Until 2 nights ago we made a video together... He went to work, and I wanted to see it as I’ve lost 12kilos since the start of the year, and I was keen to see how my body looked... I opened up a video in his recent documents on his laptop, and found it was a video of him with another woman.... I confronted him, he has confessed to a lot of stuff, whether it’s the whole truth, I’ll never know... But I have these Images burnt into my brain, and they just keep reappearing we have 3 boys under 10, and he is so depressed and ashamed. His guilt is immense. As is my pain and anger. I don’t know what to do. Ive been fighting for my marriage for so long, and I don’t know whether to give up. I’m a mess. I have beautiful children, yet I’ve had suicidal thoughts... Where do I go from here. Please help me

written by neglected and betrayed, 23 March, 2012

First time on this website and I feel so much better knowing I am not alone. I found out last yr that my husband was cheating on me first with a much younger co-worker for about 3 yrs and then her and other various women for at least 2 yrs. What still makes me the most angry is the fact that he completely turned his back on our two kids – a twenty something co-worker was more important to him than his kids – and all of the money that came out of our bank acct to fund his extramarital activities that I will never get back. It’s been about a year since I discovered everything. The idiot was drunk and accidentally called my cell phone at 3 am one night while out with one of his female companions and that’s how I found out. I confronted him and it spiraled from there. It was ridiculous. He refused and still refuses to be completely honest about exactly what went on (if we end up talking about it what he says at various times is usually different from the original story he told me) I found out something new every day for literally months by checking into past bank records, his email and phone records. I became my own private detective.I suspected it for a very long time but I ignored it – was just getting through day by day being a full time working mom, dealing with the kids, the house etc while this creep was out having a good time every night. I guess I should be over it by now since we are trying to move forward. I’m still angry at myself for being so darn naive. Every stereotypical behavior was going on and it went right over my head for all that time. Of course things will never be the same but for now I will try to get past it all.

written by This stories are terrible..., 26 March, 2012

I am a "good" husband, I have been married for 30 years (and yes, my wife and I still argue often) and due to a problem in my son’s marriage (I want to help him with a cheating wife) I stumbled across these posts.

I never cheated (had plenty of opportunities tho) but I am wondering how many of the women posters have really looked for a "good" husband. I am just amazed at the choice of partners women make. My boys, really good looking and raised with loving care get passed by by most women and they find it really difficult to find partners, they are just "too good". Women seem to prefer the muscle type, rough as guts, manly men with the worst manners, no education..... rough as guts.

I know that there are many here who are haven’t made those "bad" choices and my heart goes to them, but I am wondering how many should be asking themselves if they reaped what they sowed...

written by struggling to stay strong, 27 March, 2012

In reference to the above: yes to a certain extent you can say some of us do reap what we sow BUT honestly why is this ok for anyone? Its not, when you enter into a vow it should be taken seriously but so much these days men could care less (and some women). Its just something that rolls out of their mouth.
But yes i fell for the man that was the rough type yet was easy on my eyes and enjoyed the same things as i. we have been together for 4 years and married for a year and a half. I am currently 8 months pregnant and living separately. Our entire relationship has been rough with him not wanting to commit from the beginning....should have been a red flag but i ignored it. Just as i have many others. One minute he wanted me and a relationship and the next he didn’t know what he wanted. i had 2 daughters from previous relationship and he had 2 sons from previous relationship (our kids are the same age) and they got along better then i could have ever imagined!! He has NEVER tried to have a relationship with my girls let alone talk to them....another red flag. But as an educator his kids were my kids and were treated no different. During our year plus marriage he has told me to get the f*() out of his house 3 times, he couldn’t stand the site of me, I was a huge mistake, he should have never married me nor got into a relationship with me, cant stand my kids and every name in the book, and numerous other things (to many to mention). I have moved out every time with my girls and am currently out on my own and have been for last 7 months. He has little to no involvement in this pregnancy and when i found out i was even pregnant he hoped i would have a miscarriage, said he prayed everyday that i would lose the baby, has threatened to punch me in the stomach so that i would lose it, has asked me to have an abortion and even consider adoption. I told him i would do this on my own before i would ever consider any of the following. well needless to say every time i have gone back to this man except this time. now granted we have been talking and he says I’m the only woman he wants to be with and wants no other woman nor does he want to get involved or involve another woman in his drama filled life. he has said he wanted to work things out whatever it took. i have told him i will not do anything unless we get help but that has yet to happen. I have been allowing him to come over to my house whenever he wants and stay the night. Our sex life has NEVER been an issue or so i thought. He comes over at least 4 times a week if not more. However, 2 nights ago his prized possession (phone) was not working so he took his sim card out and put in another phone. while he was gone to work i tried to get it working and i did and boy did i find more then i bargained for. He has been having sexual relations with at least 5 women if not more in the last six plus months. I was completely sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up!! There were pictures that I cannot get out of my head and the visual images of some of these text i cannot get past. He has had all the details worked out to the T of how he was getting some action. How can my husband lay in my bed, have sex with me, tell me I’m the best he has ever had, make love to me and roll over and have the nerve to text another woman. Really? someone please explain to me how this is ok or appropriate. Who failed here?? He found out that night that i knew about it. When he called me i told him that i do not want to see him, talk to him, nor hear his voice. I do not want him at the hospital when i deliver my baby here in a few weeks. i am very angry, sad, frustrated, sickened, disgusted, hurt and feel i am roller coaster of emotions. i have 2 daughters that i am struggling to stay strong for but it is so hard!! I am a very busy mom with a daughter that does competitive dance and another who plays soccer and softball. So my insanity is to stay busy.
I love him/hate him/miss him but know he is never gonna change. He has not apologized but yet says i guess this makes our decision easier. Seriously?? when he text he misses me and wishes he could come watch "our show" together i almost wanna fall and say come over but I CANT and I WONT!! I deserve better and no woman should EVER have to go through this!!

written by Almost Happily married, 03 April, 2012

My dad used to tell me "be careful when going out with women, always think that the girlfriend you have today may be the mother of your children..., ask yourself would she raise them well?, would she look after you?. I’m sure my mum told my sister something along the same lines.... no church stuff, or talk of hell or damnation, just plain common sense to guide us in life.

It worked for my sister and I, we married in the 80’s and both have regular marriages (I like "regular" rather than a "happy" marriage because I know those who say they have happy marriages are either lying or don’t live with their spouse). We all have problems in marriage, its just that some have bigger problems than others.

I repeated my dad’s teachings and thought I taught my sons well but, my eldest son who is (seemingly) smart, double degree, good looking, well raised, etc etc just divorced... and I cant figure out why he chose so badly (his wife is now a lesbian, she just had a house warming party with her new partner where her dad walked out saying "yuk.." after they kissed)...you may even ask me how come you raised him "so well" and your son divorced? – Well, I’m neither that good as a father it seems, nor I am making a case for people to look up to me for not cheating.... I just keep trying my best to get my marriage to work, raise my kids and be as happy as i can be... and for the purpose of this posts, well... I am one of those who doesn’t cheat... but that doesn’t make me a saint, my wife and I also have "Italian" fights, tell each other hurtful things we shouldn’t say and regret latter, we break stuff, etc..... I walked out for a day or so more than a couple of times in my 30 year of marriage (criticizing my family, fighting with my sister I think). But, I always thought my marriage would have to be decidedly over before I start seeing anybody else.

I don’t like to judge those who are religious, women who engage in prostitution, homosexuals, or those who cheat... people who seem normal do all sort of weird things, cheating being one more on the list... but I think that if it were me and I couldn’t get over my partner cheating, even if your husband/wife commits to you (again) or you need him/ her to pay the bills, I’d say I’d just walk off before I give myself the chance to become a bitter person.... I’d give myself some time to heal and have a more positive outlook again and just be careful that if and when I find a new partner, that she ticks a few more boxes.... easier said than done I know, but that would be my plan.

But why people find so hard to let go someone who plays around??, my son (who is just 28 – he married at 22) is one of them.... he’s a total mess and I’m sure he misses his wife a lot and wishes even today that she hadn’t left, this is almost two years after she moved out... and I’m not sure whether he wouldn’t take her back if she wanted to return.....(story looks familiar??) how can I explain that?... and this repeats over and over on this posts as well... I don’t get it... my son reckons I don’t because I’m a narcissist (?) with "judge personality" (???).. I keep telling him he’s lucky because he is young and has not had kids... I feel the damage done to him is long term...

And why wouldn’t people "forgive and forget", give people a second chance if it happened in difficult circumstances (it almost happened to me when the recession came and I had to do eight months fly-in-fly-out, I was strong – the force was with me). I think I would forgive her once(she would only get one chance)...

Why if men/ women were given a second chance they would do it again (and again on some posts)??

The last poster says "no woman should ever have to go through this"... well, I’d add "no man either" (I didn’t think she meant women only... I get it) and also spare a thought for us the fathers (and mothers)and your sons and daughters that are also involved in the mess, we are all victims as well....

Best of luck to all, I’m dizzy from typing all of this that doesn’t help anybody.... I need a coffee... I also need some of that luck too to keep going through this life... trying to understand all of this and make it reasonable seems pointless....

written by Dont Know what to do?, 08 April, 2012

I been with my husband for 5 years now,and he continues to cheat on me with different women.He says he sorry and i end up believing him,when i asked him he says that i am crazy and he wont tell me the truth he just makes me feel crazy, well just this Friday i found out hes been texting another women. I have two children and i just don’t know what to do? I’m so tired of giving my self to this relationship and i don’t received anything back.i confronted him about the message and he is still denying it.What should i do?

written by joeana, 17 April, 2012

I am married for 6 years and I found out that my husband cheated me last year and the worst thing I found out the woman was pregnant for five months that really hurt me and I can’t explain the pain I felt that time. We have two good kids and he never supported us. I found a good job and until now it is my job. I supported the needs of my kids and after one year he wants to comeback to me and he said sorry for what he done but it’s too late. I don’t need him anymore although my kids are looking for him. I told to him that he is free to visit my kids and we just talked about their future. I’m good now. I know even I accept him he will contact again the woman because they have a baby girl. I don’t hate him anymore after one year and maybe I don’t love him also.

written by joeana, 17 April, 2012

My story was worst because I found out one year ago that my husband cheated me and the woman was pregnant for five months. I hated him and left him. We have two kids and he never supported us. I found a good job and never looked back at him because he said he loves her than us. I hated him more than anyone. He is irresponsible and unmercy. After one year I finally recover and move on. After one year he said he wants to go fixed our marriage but it’s too late. I don’t care about him anymore after all he did to me and I don’t feel hate anymore maybe the love has gone.

written by Miss B, 04 May, 2012

I am currently in a situation.... My husband impregnated his lover, I’m pregnant too and their baby is due a month before mine.

I have read through a lot of other sites similar to this one and found some comfort in some of the stories. I have also read through some other sites where the ? is what to do when you having a married mans baby. I found that some of these women actually want pity. Any way for me it’s not about staying or leaving, currently my biggest battle is to get through all the emotions i’m going through as the wife. Knowing that not only did my husband have a long time affair with some1 but they are going to share a bond together forever.

Love is no longer a factor(if i can put it that way).... Sure he sometimes says he does love me but i can no longer see it or feel it. All i have is this big empty space within me.

We have a 5 year old son and now the new baby on the way, i never thought that this could ever happen to me......

I often wonder what did he tell her about me, about our family, about his life in our home, about why he made a choice to be in a relationship with her and if he planned on leaving his family to be with her???

I look at him sometimes and i see nothing, just lies and betrayal. How could he do this to me, to his son?

He drinks so much over weekend and don’t come home till the sun is out the next morning. He sometimes express so much hatred towards me and blames me for what has happen.
I don’t know if they are still sexually intimate or not but i do know that they still talk and he goes to see her. I wish i can say i don’t care but it plays over and over in my mind.

All i have now is myself to depend on, and my kids that depends on me to.... I Pray every day just to get through the day and for grace from God to guide me through.

I’m supposed to be happy right now and look forward to the arrival of my baby but i’m so sad and lost and feel so weak, and making it worse i’m robbing my unborn baby of LOVE he/she should feel from mommy. When my baby kicks or move around i want to talk to my hubby about it but i can’t, i do not see the need to do that cause he no longer holds my heart.

He talks about us as a family and maybe getting a new house and things we can do in the near future, but all i hear is more & more lies, more empty promises, more rubbish, cause come weekend he changes, he is home maybe half the day of which he sleeps half of that time any ways. I’m left to be everything in my son’s life, mommy(to make food, clean the house, do the washing, give love & attention, ect) and to be daddy(watch him ride his bike, play with him, give tough love, ect) and i run short on so many and fail to keep up.

Today and almost every day I pray and ask God why he trust me so much by giving me this load to carry. I know i’m a sinner too but has He forsaken me? I do give thanks that I still live through each day and not taken my own life and thank Him for the strength He gives me day in & day out, but it feels like it’s only getting worse.... I grow more lonely every day, more sad, more hurt and lost.

I lost more than "trust", i lost my husband to the man he now became.... I lost the one person that should have always been there for me, to support me, to love me, to protect his home, to comfort his family, to care for me and to do what he can to provide for us. I lost it all and this other women gets blessed with a child!!!???

I know that we should not ? God and know that He will never let us fall without helping us up again.... I just have so much hurt & pain.

As for the other women i pray that her child never has to pay for her wickedness and sins. That God shows mercy on her soul and give her peace. That she may not dwell in darkness forever and actually be a mother(a blessing) to the Precious soul God has now given her.

That one day she can look at her child and know that she has destroyed a home for two others.

As for my husband I pray that God gives him peace and open his eyes and deliver him out of the darkness. Takes his hand and lead him on to the right path and heals his broken soul. Let him be a "father" to his children and be a man that they can look up to one day.

For my kids i pray that God keep them safe always and be their guide and guard them from false profits and that I can always give them the LOVE they need and deserve.

I don’t know who things will work out nor what will happen to my marriage but I take it strength for strength and day by day.

written by Annettep, 20 June, 2012

I so understand all of the pain of lies, betrayal and deceit! I threw my husband of 17 years out in August because I caught him lying with my son. Long story. So he goes to work, poor me, gets his coworkers to feel so sorry for him. He uses our son as a pawn for counseling. I refuse. Hes a cop in the school. Another coworker, older than him, who has always had a thing for him. I suspected an affair in April, but he denied...as all liars do. So kids say people from work are taking care of him! Ha! So, I file for separation in September. Two weeks later, he puts a restraining order on me and the next day files for divorce. What a major chicken. He had told me that he went to a counselor and that the counselor only wanted to meet with him. Red flag. He had no intentions of working on our marriage! Found out in February that he was seeing this old slut. He posted a pix of them on fb. Kids were upset, saw their dad was a liar and cheater. BAD karma. Anyway, we are still married, he didn’t pay anything during this time...I was making all payments (1700 extra) and he was flaunting her sorry ass to church!!! Whereupon friends go!!! What a sleaze!! So, I called his pastor, told him that we were still married. In the meantime, she divorces her husband of 25 years for my husband! Told the pastor that too! Called her ex husband...he has moved on. Good for him! He doesn’t deserve her sorry ugly ass! He even said she was no prize! Ha! Kids see their dad for what he is, and won’t ever accept her in his life...so he’s list the kids’ respect, the respect of his "new" church, and the respect of the community.

U am taking care of myself and my children...counseling has helped tremendously! Still not divorced...maybe August or September? He is an adulterer, and a cheater. He will reap what he has sown. God is watching over me...and she will always be known as the whore who broke up another family. Oh an she chased after husband #2 so much that she didn’t ask for custody of her own children! What a piece of work!! She thinks life as a cops wife is so great...nope. They’re alla bunch of cheaters and liars...honey, if they’ll give in to the likes of you, they’ll do anyone. Karma!!!

I say to everyone...take care of yourself, your kids. I have no doubt that God is not happy, and just because they’re attending church doesn’t make them good with God! They’re still sinning...and everyone knows it. I will be fine, an I don’t have to carry around the guilt. I only hope that he retires soon, because for the rest of his life he will pay me half of his retirement!

Karma and peace to all!!!

written by DG, 29 June, 2012

I feel for every single woman who has posted on this website.

I have recently found out that my NEW husband (married only 3 months) has been emailing, texting and possibly meeting with lots of other women!?

He’s all over the internet on different dating sites & has multiple email address. I’ve found TONS of messages to other women on these sites, some from only a couple days after we got married!!! How sick I felt when I read them. Him calling other women sexy & gorgeous. Telling them he’s divorced when he only just wed?! He’s given his number to multiple women & even suggested meeting them. He seems to be the pursuer too.

I’m at a total loss?! I cannot wrap my head around what he’s done & why?? I left my great job & moved away from all of my friends to be with him. Why did he marry me if he wanted to act single?

I confronted him and he swears it was all an email/text thing that he never met anyone since we first started dating. I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt & angry & frustrated. I feel so let down & just want to scream at him all the time.....

How do you move forward with someone when they’ve changed your relationship & removed all trust? Everything that was good is gone. I just don’t know where to start with rebuilding things.... I can’t believe I need to rebuild when I never thought anything was wrong in the first place?

Men suck!

written by makarina, 11 July, 2012

my husband is always cheating. we dated for 7 years before marriage. he cheated the whole time. we have been married for 2 years, he is still cheating. he has regular girlfriends but also has prostitutes. what do i do?

written by Larissa May, 15 July, 2012

My husband is 39, of 10 yrs next month, has been having an affair with a 25 yr old, he is an undertaker, she a mortuary attendant, imagine the shock and disgusted feelings I’ve been through knowing they had sex often in a mortuary office where dead people are supposed to be treated with dignity and respect, we have grown up family who are disgusted with him, he acts as if nothing worries him, oh, yes she might be pregnant, he says he no longer in contact with her except work related, my backside, I’ve thrown him out, I’m so tempted to squeal to both their employers, any advice how to move on

written by slowly moving on, 26 July, 2012

I first wrote on this site over a year ago, my husband of 20 years left me 2 years ago. At the time, I felt that my life was over. I am proud to say that I survived it. My kids have been a great support as have been my family. Today I spoke to him and when I hung up the phone I cried, I still miss him dearly but I do see him for what he is, a good man who for reasons unknown he cannot stay committed to one woman. He played mind games with me for years and as a result I spend the better part of my adult life second guessing myself. One day he will be alone and I probably be there to take care of him if he is sick. I have ensured that my son sees the effect, the pain that his infidelity has caused me and I pray that he does not ever inflict this pain on a woman. My husband is a good man, but he has a bad side which I cannot accept anymore, I wish he had received counseling for his bad behavior but it may be late for him. In any event, looking back I chose to ignore the red flags, there were many. All of which were rebutted with the focus transferred to me and my so called insecurities...Never again,let’s listen to our inner voices more and hand in there it gets better in time but I think the pain is with us forever.

written by annymonimous, 23 August, 2012

If you want to keep your husband or boyfriend you should give him or her what they want. And most important of all...Do not keep any secret, it is better to betray a friend by telling than to betray the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

written by justkeepingitreal, 19 September, 2012

Hey news flash! When a guy cheats, you women want so bad to believe them when they give you these ridiculous stories. You know half the crap they tell you isn’t true yet you still believe it and make yourselves look like poor desperate fools.

written by again feeling foolish, 27 September, 2012

Ladies, needless to say, this site is a good place to put all your feelings out there to let others know you and they are not alone. A cheater is a cheater. Always and forever. I have a story that I can actually laugh at. Hope you can too. My (x) husband, been with for 14 yrs. divorced after 5, kept it up for another 3, then thru all the crap and each tired of each others seeing others, he moved in with somebody. Stayed 3 yrs. Never loved her. I am the love of his life. This is the truth. And he is mine. We got back together, he up an left her in Nov 11. 2 days ago, she informed me he has been leaving work parking his truck in her garage closing the door, and going inside to chat with her. She told him she was dying. She had cancer. He felt sorry for and the guilt to ease his conscious of leaving her and never loving her made him listen and console her. This has been for 2 weeks, but, phone talking behind my back for 3 mo. She secretly told me, by way of a letter, I caught her leaving in my mailbox at 2 p.m. where I am normally at work, why did I have the need to go home? God works in mysterious ways. So now he is caught, didn’t tell me the truth all along. However, came clean when confronted 3 days ago. All to ease his conscious for hurting her and using her for the 3 yrs he was with her. During that time of course he was calling and longing for me. I responded in kind, yet nothing more than a few meetings to tell him I was not a cheater, even if he was. Today, I don’t know how to move on with him. I gave up my single happy life dating, to go back to him, the love of my life, only to find out, he is still untrustworthy, lying to me and who knows the depths of crap he will dish out. Now he wants me to for give and forget. I don’t know if I can. Men, can be evil, so can women, we all have to choose for ourselves what we will accept and what we won’t. I am still thinking about that question. Feeling depression, hurt, sadness, uncertainty and many other emotions. Have no idea how this will fall out. Just wish my man could be honest, loyal, trustworthy and see, that to have this love of ours, he would have to be all of that and so much more. I hope all of the previous posts find peace and love wherever and with whomever can truly give it and be genuine.

written by kena, 28 November, 2012

I’ve been with my husband 6 years 4 married and we have a three yr old. For about the last 2 yrs I’ve been feeling that something has been going on. first he travels a lot and is gone for about a month or more at a time hes in the entertainment business {had a normal job when we met}.
I’ve never been one to snoop. I think the first time was an accident I happened to see a text where he called someone sexy, then I noticed when he would come back his phone was always on vibrate and he wouldn’t answer a lot of calls which was strange because in his business hes always on the phone missed calls could mean missed money... well after the SEXY incident I became a snooper when I had the chance which was rare because his electronics are locked down like the federal reserve. Anyway every time I looked there they were all kinds of flirty emails and messages pictures of women girls saying they missed him, etc. So I would confront him and he would deny at first then someone else was using his account the text messages were for his brother ya ya ya bullshit so for some reason its like I would forget about it or just give up trying to figure it out until it happened again.... So it happened again last week I looked in his email twitter facebook and there they are but its just messages. I have no proof that he been with any of these women personally but I feel it now he’s saying that its not reality! What! So he got a instant message from a girl that asked him if he was sending for her (excuse me! your flying chicks out now and I’m clipping coupons so you can live your dream) so I typed "are you ready" needless to say she was. I got her to say what how much she missed him even learned his pet name "big head." Needless to say I’m disgusted at this point I confront him again. I get laughs and "stop tripping" when I let him know I’m hurt and I need some answers. We magically get into a non-related argument where I end up defending myself about not preparing lunch? I don’t know what to do. I have no where to go and I’m solely dependent on him our 3 year old has autism and that difficult enough to manage without worrying about a cheating husband. He won’t even have the decency to admit a ounce of wrong on his part. I want some respect. I want the truth. I don’t need details. How do I go about that? Counseling is out of the question he refuse to see a "Shrink." Any advice? We are 28 and 29.

written by slowly moving on, 27 December, 2012

Hello to all of you. I have been slowly getting over my husband’s betrayal for the past 30 months. After being married for 20 years it is taking some time and I really doubt that I will ever be over it. I am 48 years old and have 2adult children still living at home(21 and 22). The part that really kills me is that due to no choosing of my own I am now a separated person, or this is what society wants me to say, but instead I always respond that my husband ran away from home to take his life in another direction. Why would I be labelled as a person who gives up on their family? No. What I like about this site is that it allows you to vent but sadly it prevents you from offering support to those that obviously need it. I read the postings and wish I could offer support as I have been able to get out of that horrendous feeling of betrayal and feeling that your life has ended. I still somewhat feel like that but every morning begins with a desire to move on, whatever that really means. I have feeling of anger that make me sick and overeat. I still get the urge to yell out so loud in pain for what he has done to my family. What really bothers me is the constant question for friends "have you met anyone yet?" really? Why would I want to put myself and my family through this kind of nonsense? My husband was the best liar/lawyer and always had the response to everything, how could I seriously want that again? I know all men are not like that but the good men at this age are usually taken anyway. I digress, hope you all get the love and support and remember to listen to your inner voice