Past Comments – My husband will not confess to cheating

Been There
written by Guest, 25 August, 2006

I was in exactly the same situation and I found out the truth a year after the affair ended. I finally rang the girl when I knew it was her and told her that my partner had told me what had been going on between them and would she please add anything to the story. She hung up but I called her back and she finally told me the truth. It’s an excellent tactic and one I wished I did when the affair was going on. A private detective or having your partner followed is another. I urge you to find the truth I so regret not finding out at the time. Good luck.

written by Guest, 28 August, 2006

I just found out a week ago my husband has been seeing a woman. He says they have only lunch. But the nights he goes missing in action until 1:00 in the morning tell me that it was more. I suspect he is still seeing her. I cannot get the truth from him. I keep finding out about more lunch dates he has had with her. He works out of town and he becomes distant when he goes down to his work. He wants to move in a new town and has been transfered not by his choice and he wants to start a new life. But the house is an hour away from where this woman lives. I am angry and hurt. I told him that if I find out more information with regard to seeing her I am moving to my parents until he ends the affair. I am tired of being made a fool.

If you think your partner is cheating more than li
written by Guest, 25 November, 2006

My husband was always working late, hanging out with his cousins or some family member or guy friends, He would get upset when I would ask where he was, He had a different smell when we slept together, He did not mind if we did not have sex for days or 2 weeks. Our communication level was poor and He would lie about where is, who is with, and change the name of the people in his phone. His ladies would have male names in the phone, but when you call a woman would answer. I checked his pocket for receipts (usu. show place of purchase and time), I checked his friends whereabouts and noted his stated whereabouts and called all numbers in his phone from a blocked number. If you introduce yourself as his sister, people are more likely to open up than hang up the phone.Or tell them you just wanted them to know they should get tested since "David" has Herpes or Aids, and tell them you have the test results to prove it.

Been there and still here.
written by Hopelastforever, 29 November, 2006

My husband cheated on me throughout 15 years of marriage. When he confess everything was when he found out about my own one time affair. I guess anger was a role to push his confess buttons. Surely enough he told me everything. As many men do.. he denied it all after he found out I was leaving him. Took him for a lie detector and he failed twice. Don’t ask me why I’m still here, but I am. Working out trust issues gets tough but it can be done nothing is impossible when you really want something and work hard to get it back in place. Might not be complete but it sure isn’t where it use to be. We are both seeking counseling in church and outside. Its been a rough road but as I said earlier its far from where it was a year ago.

Good luck and god bless.

finding it hard to forgive without knowing it all!
written by Aliciam, 07 December, 2006

My husband finally confessed to kissing a girl he worked with, others he works with tell me more has happened than that. And that they were seeing each other for a few months but he said that they just flirted for about a week and then they kissed and he felt so guilty that he cut all ties. But I have recently found out that I have cervical cancer from the virus HPV. I also found out in 93 percent of cases it is sexually transmitted, but he says they have just kissed! I have been faithful for the 5 years we have been married, now I am wondering where I got this and how to get more out of him. And how to move on and be happy.

How do I know when I have truth?
written by Same Situation, 07 December, 2006

I am in the same situation... I have found things to suspect my husband of cheating, as well... phone calls, text messages, bank statements... confronted my husband, and of course... total denial. I called the other woman and she denied it, hung up on me (and I was very pleasant with her) and changed her phone number the next day (after my one phone call to her)... what does that tell you? We have gone to one counseling session because I want to know the truth so I can move forward to decide what to do... but he "swears" nothing is going on... that they are just friends. He says I have a "trust" issue and need to get over it. The counselor has given us a homework assignment for our next session and mine is to decide "how will I know when I have the truth?" -- any ideas out there?

never look back
written by kelly111111111, 08 December, 2006

Men are freaks. Who even cares if they cheat. What matters is that they then LIE about it. What kind of sick loser gets caught flat-out lying and then continues to lie? We are in counseling, the therapist says to him you need to tell the truth to move forward and he answers "It’s none of her business." Full stop. And unbelievably enough, he would rather lose the relationship than simply own up to what he did. I am not even angry about the affair, whatever. I am angry about his continued lying; I can’t believe I am even writing this, the answer is so obvious. LEAVE HIM AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Miss
written by Gem Lancaster, 09 December, 2006

My ex partner & I tried to have a baby for two years, when I found out I was pregnant we were so happy then two weeks later everything changed. He stayed out all night, would hide his cell phone in the car cause arguments. I found out he had been seeing a few different ladies! Being a couple of months pregnant I was faced with the hardest choice ever. Do I keep my baby we had been trying to have – Could I justify ending a babies life because of the kind of monster his father turned out to be? I decided to keep my baby but have been through the most heart breaking time ever imaginable. Instead of doing the decent thing & apologising he shouted & was very nasty, he went on holiday & met someone else who he is now in a relationship with. I found a card from this lady but he still told lies again no apology. I guess he feels guilty about the way he has acted as he’s since told people that he’s not the father, if that was the case it justifies what he’s been up to. I’m now 8 months pregnant with a beautiful baby boy and setting everything up for him on my own. How could a man be so nasty & carefree about the life of a woman he told he loved & a baby he so much longed for? I dodn’t understand & don’t think I could ever trust again. We had split a couple of times & got back together but I think that was the mistake – The lady above is so right once you leave don’t look back!

Good luck to all xxx

Online Infidelity
written by CC, 12 December, 2006

My boyfriend, of almost 2 years, and I been through a lot: we’re trying to get custody of his kids, running our own (very stressful) business, trying to buy a house, and have had problems with getting pregnant, something we both want very much. Recently, though, I was putting all our bills together, to be paid and saw that on his credit card statement, there is a charge for true.com. I checked it out and it turns out it is an online dating site. Now his ex is on some dating sites, which we, together, have gone and checked out. They have all been the free ones she is most likely to be on. We ALWAYS do this together. When I asked him about his statement and showed him the site, he said he couldn’t explain it and was kind of angry. Any insight?

I found evidence but he thinks I dont know!
written by Angelica, 12 December, 2006

My BF of 3 years and I were in a long distant relationship. So he had plenty of opportunity to cheat! And he did! He cheated on me and had an affair for 2 months with a girl that lived in the apartment next to him! I knew her too....we had all been out socially on a few occasions! I found messages on his phone that spoke about their sexual encounters so I now it is true! He lied and lied to me about his strange behaviour and said they were just friends! I decided to take a different approach rather than confront him with the truth! I proved to be the better girl even though he said he thought our relationship had run it course. In a period of 4 weeks, he stopped the affair, wrote her an email to tell her that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me, then took a job in the country where I live and has now moved in and we live together! We are planning our wedding! I survived it and until this day, he still doesn’t know that I know they slept together. He thinks I believe they were just friends! But I don’t care... he is more in love with me than ever and keeps telling me I am the best thing that has ever happened to him! I used my girl power to prove I was the better one. I simply left the door open for him to work thru it himself! No arguments or confrontation.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ANGELICA
written by dee 7777777, 07 January, 2007

I handled my boyfriend’s womanizing ways in the similar manner that you did and he too committed to just me and we were married a month ago. I have since found evidence that he is talking to another woman. I truly wish you the best. I agree with Kelly1111 above.... leave and don’t look back. They really don’t change and you will never be enough for them!

My Husband won’t stop
written by Hurt wife, 15 January, 2007

My husband and I were having a stressful time because of issues with my family, money etc.: We also had communication issues he just didn’t want to talk to me about anything important. I notice his lack of affection towards me increased, he doesn’t want me to kiss him or hug him. He also increased smoking and drinking. He always spends his time in the playstation or in the computer. He also spends a lot of time text messaging from his cell phone. I got curious and one day I checked his cell phone and I show a bunch of messages between him and his "friend", and a realize they kissed.
I confronted him and he asked me for a divorce told me that he had interest in her and that he didn’t love me anymore, but they were just friends and she wasn’t the reason for him wanting to leave me. We are making arrangements for separating and while this happens he keeps his relationship with her.He just locked his cell phone recently, but he forgets to do it sometimes and when he does I read more messages showing me that he doesn’t have intentions to stop and that she is indeed the reason why he is leaving me. I am hurt and upset. He just doesn’t have any consideration for my feelings, he doesn’t care about our daughter either; he is a sorry of a man. Right now, I am just saving a lot of money and making arrangements so I can leave him as soon as possible, I don’t want to deal with him anymore. And I want to show him that I can make my life without him.

Here’s how I caught my husband cheating online...
written by Wife # 1001, 18 January, 2007

I found my husband has been using online dating services a lot behind close doors. He said it’s just for him to contact his group of friends. I check his computer history to check out that website and his personal profile. Then I created fake profile of my own with fake photos and descriptions of female he might be interested in. Soon he found my profile and contacted the fake "me" not knowing it is his wife. He even set up date and time to meet "me" to have sex. I printed out the conversation so that I have proof. He of course was stood up and quickly he closed his profile after I confronted him that he’s trying to meet other females on line. He denies it because he didn’t know I have the print out of his explicit conversation to set up a date to have sex. I’m saving this evidence for later use. Now I’m in a hurry to get ready for a divorce which he’s not aware of yet. I’m talking to a lawyer to find out about my and our children’s rights. Make sure you print out the on-line conversation because once he closes his account, my saved e-mail from him on that dating service are gone, too. Good luck with everyone who will try this tactic. Next time (or next guy) I’ll try the e-spy software.

drained of this nightmare
written by torn, 22 January, 2007

I’ve been with this man 6yrs now... he’s a step dad to my oldest, we have a 5 yr old too, and I’m 5 months pregnant. Over the past 3 years things have gone out of control... As I know of there are 4 different ladies he’s encountered, as ‘friends’ or hes denied them existing... bottom line the past 3 yrs he’s practically disappeared for hours, works at night so I don’t even know if he gets to work or not or if he’s spending this time with girls by taking the night off. Just found a picture last week of him kissing a girl... he had a story for that one too. I’ve had excessive anxiety each time I think about this whole ordeal... My spirit is drained. I’m tired of this type of lifestyle... only problem, not enough money to leave and I’m still in school for the next 3 yrs.. (no way I can finish if I live on my own with kids) so for now I need to concentrate on myself and my children... It’s hard when he keeps up the same behavior... right now he should be home with his family, instead he’s out after a football game which is fine, but the decent courtesy of calling to say he will be late is nonexistent... I know the next several years will be a struggle, I pray I’m doing the right thing.

He’s been caught and still won’t confess
written by justtired, 02 February, 2007

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and honestly I don’t see where he has the time to cheat on me but he has. In the few months I have had 2 woman call and tell me they have had extensive sexual and emotional relationships with him. He is with me 6 nights a week and confesses his undying love to me everyday. I love him so much and when I try to break it off, he cries that he can’t live without me and that he would never cheat on me because I am his whole life. He has plenty time during the day to cheat unfortunately. I have caught him in lies but when you read all the signs of a cheating partner, he really doesn’t fit it. I tell him that no matter what, I am willing to work this out and I do believe he has cheated on me several times and he should just admit it so we can move on. He won’t. I think he realizes when I was adamant about not taking him back the second time that I won’t put up with a third. I am very confused and wish I really knew the truth. Has anyone else know of a similar situation.

what is going on
written by confused dude, 03 February, 2007

Look I have been with my gf for 5 years and lately I have been suspicious just because I have noticed a change in her behavior, new underwear and other intimate items that are never worn in my presence, staying late at work so on and on. On day I looked in her phone to find she had been talking to his guy a few times in her recent calls. then I looked at the text and it said " you take it off first" I confronted her about it and she broke it off. She said that I didn’t trust her and I have hurt her feelings, and I have anger which I do. I said I will go to anger management to fix this if you just come back and she says its too late. So after she leaves me I ask her about the text and she says he accidentally sent it to her it was meant for someone else. Well the phone bill is in my name and there are a lot of text to his guy. And she still won’t come clean. We are not together but I am still seeking the truth. Do I believe her or not. I asked her look we’re done but I need to know for peace of mind and she says no cheating. In fact she cries when she says it and I kind of believe her. A I naive? Or just stupid?

Are we naive or just loveable?
written by Been there, too, 07 February, 2007

To Confused Dude: Everyone is going to jump on you for your sweet loveability. She is lying. Your anger at the situation is not the problem (though it might be a problem you want to confront). You don’t need the truth from a liar. You know the truth. She totally dissed you and betrayed you, but she won’t own up to it. You have to own up to the fact that she is history and you deserve so much better. Women of the world are looking for a guy like you!

creep husband won’t confess!
written by wendyh, 08 February, 2007

I feel my story is like everyone else’s. My husband of 8 years had been gone a lot over the last 8 months. The problem is he is a Trauma Surgeon and will leave in the middle of the night when he gets called in. I noticed he was working even more than usual and he blamed it on our city growing larger, hence more trauma cases. I was suspicious, however, and would look at his phone records each month and call various numbers I would see listed a few times. I still couldn’t catch him, until I noticed a large amount of money missing from one of our savings accounts. I asked him about it and he said I was wrong, that we didn’t have as much money as I thought. So I had to look up our online banking history to double check. Low and behold, he took $40,000 dollars out and put it into a separate account. The separate account was processing checks to a man named Eddie. I was very angry and confronted my husband. He said he was helping this guy start a nightclub and he was going to get a 25% return on his investment. I asked him where he met this guy and he gave two answers. The first answer was that he met him at some medical conference here in our city. 2nd, was he met him through his office manager. As it turns out, I discovered this guy is a relative of his girlfriend. My husband then hired this scumball attorney and filed divorce papers, including a temporary restraining order for me to leave our house and CHILDREN! I didn’t find out about the divorce until a few weeks ago (filed 1 mo. ago) because I didn’t get served. When I found out, the TRO has already expired. In the meantime, I found four unused condoms from a package of 12 and text messages from about 4 girls. In one he was asking when they could get together and in another he wrote to a male friend saying I had gone to the beach with the kids and there were hot, naked girls at our pool and for the friend to come over and see them. Also, the jerk took pictures of these girls, all of whom work at Hooter’s and I guess double as prostitutes. Looking back on the phone records, he called one hooter’s girl an average of 7 times a day so I’m guessing this was/is his girlfriend. She is a 19year old hooter’s waitress (my husband is 39). When he was apparently mad at her he told me that he believed she was only interested in the big bulge in his pants and it happened to be his wallet. What a creep! Also, he said she was on street drugs and was sick all the time. He said in the month of December she was in the hospital for pneumonia and he took care of her. Why is he telling me this!? Right now, he wants to work things out with me but he refuses to tell me the truth about what happened. It’s very obvious he cheated, but says he didn’t. I had to counter file for divorce a week ago to protect myself and feel like this is the right think to do one minute, and second guess myself the next. But, if he is still lying about what happened I don’t think I should be with him. Any thoughts???

the blame game
written by teresa76, 10 February, 2007

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Six months into our relationship he changed. He began going out with his guy friends all the time, talking about a girl that is just his friend all the time and just treating me bad. He asked for a break and I chose to give him the time he needed to sort things out because he was feeling overwhelmed. 2 months later, I asked him if he was ready to move forward or if he needed more time. He said that he needed more time. I dumped him. A month later, he begged me to take him back, and of course, I did.
He was back to his old self. He was treating me good again. He denied ever being with another girl over the summer. He said it was all in mind. He said I manifest scenarios because I don’t trust him. Well, one day I decided to borrow a book from his collection. I opened the book and pics of he and that girl fell out. Huge fight! Denial! Denial! He said they were nothing more than friends and she went psycho on him. He then ripped up the photos. Then, there were the text messages from an ex girlfriend from high school. SO many text messages from ugly girls that he is friends with and they profess their love to him. Again, he says I shouldn’t have snooped and I make up scenarios.
Now, he is buying a house with another guy. He says to flip the house. I think it’s a wanna be bachelor pad. He says that I don’t trust.
Yesterday I told him that is the case. I don’t trust him and it is because of his actions. I wanted him to come clean about the summer. He got irate and told me that I either need to trust him and work on our relationship or leave.
Is it possible that I really did create all this in my head? I feel he is shady. I don’t trust him. But, is it possible that my insecurities make me create the drama? I am so confused and scared.
Any ideas?

text not sex
written by collie flower, 12 February, 2007

Well where do I start, my husband of 6 years and partner of 20 has been totally trustworthy. I was told he was having an affair and just didn’t believe it at all. Once I confronted him he told me "not to be stupid." I then let it go and 4 days later was going through his phone and found a text message from this women – listed under a male’s name – saying "I’m interested in how your talk went Nic xx" I rang her up and told her to stay away from my husband and she didn’t say a word. Then weeks later I called her and asked her what happened between them she said she wasn’t saying anything. When I confronted my husband he just told me to build a bridge and get over it. I’m totally shattered and all I want to do is see this women. He told me that nothing happened, they just went out a couple of times, she was a friend, someone to confide in as we were having problems. But it was all lies the whole lot. I now want to move on. I would like to know if given the chance he would do it again? I’m having problems trusting him. I do love him but feel totally betrayed... any suggestions?

Am I a fool?
written by Katie K., 27 February, 2007

I found out about my boyfriend cheating on me 2 months into our relationship. Well, it’s actually he’s ex but they haven’t ended their relationship yet because my boyfriend departed from her and came to Australia to study. He told me their love became very faint as they are separated for so long. However, he promised that he will break up with her on his trip back to Hong Kong for new year. I found out that he spent valentines day with her, stayed at her house overnight and often pick her up from work while in Hong Kong. I confronted with him on the phone and he told me that he didn’t want to do all this with her and that he was made (I don’t know how) to do it. He said to wait for him to come back and then everything will be explained. This is not the first time he lied to me, I had given him more than 6 months to end this relationship and unfortunately he still haven’t yet. I feel as though I’m such a fool, listening to his lies every time and trust in him so much. But one thing I do know, is that I can’t live without him, he’s my first love and we had such a great time together, I really wanted to let go but found it really hard.

geesh
written by Gabriel, 01 March, 2007

Wow, I just came across this site randomly, and these stories are so sad. I’m rather incredulous that most men just lie and lie and lie: what cowards! One woman mentioned that she’s not so mad about the affair as she is about the lies her husband tells to cover himself. As shattering as an affair is, I think a couple can gradually heal the lost trust (although it will never be quite as strong again), if the spouse at fault comes clean. Ladies, if your spouse repeatedly denies his affair(s), and you have solid proof, just LEAVE HIM. If he can’t admit he was wrong, can’t even confess his transgressions, then he’s not someone you want to share your life with.

Must have demands and know what you want
written by M in Minnesota, 05 March, 2007

I’m just appalled by the similar stories here. I too have a spouse that hasn’t owned up to his actions/lies. This last time completely devastated me. I called my parents and his and confronted him in front of everyone. I told him that this behavior wasn’t acceptable and that he will never do this to me again or I take our daughter and leave. He’s seen a therapist alone this time. The therapist gave him a list of things he can do to work on our relationship with me. I’ve also seen an attorney about a post-nuptial agreement including very harsh terms. If he signs it, I stay and start to re-build trust, and part of this rebuilding is the fact we (my daughter and I) will be financially protected if this happens again. If he doesn’t sign it it shows he isn’t committed to making the marriage work and the marriage is over. When the post-nuptial agreement is done and presented to him, I imagine he will balk and this will be my chance to ask him if he trusts me!

wont tell the truth
written by Anger Girlfriend, 18 March, 2007

My boyfriend of 6 years has been cheating since we have been together just one night stands, but now he has an outside relationship with this woman. He leaves for 3 days and comes back home like nothings happens. His girlfriend has called me several times and tell me what he has on and what he as done for the day. When he comes home and I tell him everything, he says it’s just lies. It’s likes he can’t tell the truth. It has gotten so bad he puts this other woman in front of the family. We have 2 kids and he does spend anytime with them. Its like we don’t matter anymore. But I know that he would never leave me for her, but he wonts both of us. I just got used to it. I don’t worry.

Telling the truth or lieing
written by Confused fiance, 21 March, 2007

I have been with my fiance for 7 years now and have a 5yr old son with him. He stays out very late sometimes until 4:00 in the morning. I have suspicion that he is cheating i went threw his cell phone bills and cell phone found some text messages he says there just friends. Talked to both girls and they said they had relations with him he says there are lying and they were just friends but they wanted more than that. Please any suggestions will help.

The same story over and over
written by Anna P., 05 April, 2007

I caught my dear husband cheating on me when we were still dating. I called the woman, I was very friendly and told her that I live with this guy etc, and only in all honesty wanted to know what was going on, she was in hysterics crying her eyes out, because she thought that she was the apple of his eye, she loved him with all her heart and as far as she was concerned, he loved her, too, just like I did, she really had no clue that I existed, and poor lady was so thoroughly traumatized that she left the country altogether. And, I loved him so much, I forgave him. A couple of years from this we got married. Again we were blissfully happy, my husband was so attentive, so gorgeously kind, amazing, gave me sex every day, gifts, texted me every day at least ten times telling me how he loves me, and just treated me like a queen – I could not have been happier, and was so delighted that I was kind enough and adult enough to forgive him to get this wonderful marriage, I did not regret forgiving him one bit... Until.. Last Sunday I found out my husband has never ever left his "girlfriend" of eight years!!!!!!! NOT the other woman, but yet ANOTHER woman) – and yes, I called this lady as well, in a friendly manner, and lo and behold, she was in hysterics, she loves him sooo much, she had NO IDEA he was married..
I am in absolute agony, I cannot believe that he married me, knowing that he would constantly cheat and always has cheated. I am so ashamed of myself in front of my family and his family and my friends who all came to our fabulous wedding, and cannot even begin to comprehend how he could live with this horrible lie and lie to me so much and so maliciously when all I did was to care for him. I have now thrown him out and he is crying his eyes out, wanting to get back together etc etc, NO WAY, say I.

Women, let’s all keep strong, we are wonderful and we deserve so much better than this.
xxx

written by Smeffy, 18 April, 2007

I lived with my husband 11 years finally married him last year. Well, he and his 1/2 sister were getting awfully close very fast last summer (just met 4 years ago) right in front of every ones eyes. Every time they were around each other it is like magnets... but no one suspected a thing because they are related (same dad) well his phone calls went from 3 hours in JUNE to 32 hours to her November. Well, I told him I was feeling left out and he was acting strange and I wished he called me like that, he just made excuses and said "It is my sister, why are you jealous? Well, they would go swimming after everyone else was asleep, talking! One night I woke up at 2:00 and they were UNDER the floating dock and I heard no talking for 5 minutes... I finally heard a moan and said what is going on... she said "he is having a moment honey, he is crying". She got out he did not and she said that he was really drunk and the more they talked the more he got upset about something that happened 5 years ago. Ok, then why do they wait until everyone is asleep? Next, I find STAMAX in his truck 1 of 2 pills missing and he said it was for energy. Last, our answering machine taped a conversation that was very emotional, not sexual.... a lot of I love you Baby, I love you so much.... my sweet sweet baby! He was so into her it was unbelievable. He was more talkative than she and it was weird and NOT the way I would or anyone else would talk to their sibling. He said that they have a deep connection he cannot explain and I should be ashamed of myself for accusing them of sleeping together (I called her after I confronted him) On the tape they were talking bad about me as well, like he dreaded not being with her (I miss you already baby... she was leaving town) and having to be with me. They both have held fast to the story. He then was having trouble figuring out what he wanted, within 10 days he told me he wanted out because he could NOT believe I would do something like that and has blamed me now for everything bad in the 12 years we have been together. He is still at my house, he barely speaks, will not touch me etc.... I cannot figure out one thing, if it is so innocent how do brother and sister talk and act like that.... I believe he has major feelings for he, she does not for him. She is now trying to get me to hang on and swears he loves me, he is just mad because of what I did.... am I crazy or NOT???? My gut tells me something happened, definitely emotional, maybe some touching etc.... this was a man that would never in a million years cheat on me, but he is weak hearted and insecure and I think she filled the void of our problems all to well.

written by Cheyenne, 28 April, 2007

My boyfriend of 2 years and 3 months has had feelings for another woman for a long time. Though, supposedly, he was over it when we were together. However, this last October, I found out that they’d kissed- his excuse was that he kissed her because she’d asked him to, and he did it so she’d "leave us alone." He’s constantly mentioning how good-looking he thinks she is, what movie stars she looks like, and how smart she is (apparently she graduated as valedictorian, not to mention she played three Varsity sports in high school). And, at the occasional party he goes to, he can’t seem to avoid getting in even a minor squabble with her. Sometimes they talk online and he deletes the messages afterwards. He gets mad if I talk about her, and tells me that I’m not allowed to say her name anymore. Actually, he’s gone from being such a sweet, caring guy to being kind of an over jealous, untrusting, controlling one. I mean, he’s had a really hard life, so I know he’s got a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem and stuff, but still.
He’s constantly accusing me of checking out other guys, or saying that I cheated on him a year ago- for the record, I never have cheated on him.
Honestly, I just don’t know what to do.
It’s so hard.

written by Lilmari, 30 April, 2007

Not sure where to begin, but I’m stuck in a situation where you know in your heart their has been others in his life, in one way or another. I have always looked the other way because he has never confessed and has always led me to believe that I am the crazy one and how dare me not trust him. I am mean for 16years I came to believe that it was all in my mind and deep inside I truly knew. I am mostly confused at the fact of that I am really putting my self last and actually allowing him to lie and know that he can get away with it. I get mad and hurt because he has changed through out the years, his decisions come first, we have no communication etc. I overlook everything just to avoid a fight. but now it’s hard to not stand up for my self. I mean girls we all forgive and forget because we love. But but we don’t realize is that they don’t respect our feelings, feel bad about hurting us, and they sure don’t try to keep us happy and keep the love going. they know we will forgive and forget and move on until we just accept that they will always be the same and one day we will have to take a stand.

written by Allison in Texas, 03 May, 2007

This is all too familiar. My fiance (boyfriend of 5 years) had a 4-month relationship with another woman in the months leading up to our wedding. We had been living in different cities short-term and I visited most weekends and everything was completely normal (fantastic conversations and sex). I guess he took weekends off from her. I was completely shocked and devastated when out of nowhere he had this major confession, an emotional & sexual relationship with an acquaintance of mine and who I thought was also an acquaintance of his. I never suspected a thing. After the shock passed 2 days later I started questioning if anything he told me was even true, so I checked his email (we used to share this really good password) and sure enough there were emails between them that revealed a lot. I told him to change his password so I would stop torturing myself reading them. A month earlier he had even asked me to add her to our wedding guest list! Is that denial on his part – convincing himself they were just friends, or what? I will never understand.

I cannot even imagine how much more life-overturning it would be with a long marriage and kids involved. I will never fully trust anyone again, that’s for sure. In a few days it will have been a year since we split -- I’m still single and plan to keep it that way. Does anyone else feel traumatized?

written by just want the truth, 09 May, 2007

I am reading a ton of stories that sound like mine. I recently found out that my husband has been having a relationship with another woman for the last 2 months. Talking to her all the time, going out with her, with her friends and alone, staying out with her til 5 in the morning, texting her everyday. He says that they are just friends, that she was a good friend and listened to him, made him feel good about himself. He says that he stopped talking to her before I found out, that he realized that he shouldn’t be talking to her whn he is married to me. The thing is, he says nothing sexual happened, but how can I believe that? Its like the only answer that I will believe is that he cheated sexually, not just emotionally. I do believe he had an affair, I just don’t know if it was physical or not. He insists that there was never anything, but he lied about everything else, even when I had proof he kept denying it all. How do I know that he is telling the truth all of a sudden? I am afraid that I will never be satisfied with his answers. I don’t trust him anymore at all.

written by Heartbroken woman, 18 May, 2007

Well, well, I am quiet surpprised that there are too many women who just like me – have found out my partner of three years have cheated on me for almost a year. I had a few bad relationships before I met my partner, and he knows I don’t trust men because they are all the same – cheat their girlfriends, partners or wivies. Bur he made me to trust him totally by showing how much he loves me everyday. Untill one day, I accidentally opened his e-mail (I couldn’t read everything as he fought it hard to close his e-mail from where I was reading), realized there has been something going on behind my back. Like others, he denied it straightaway. Swear nothing is going on, just someone he e-mail a couple of times when he was bored. I believed him, and gave him a chance. He still express his love to me everyday. Then, on our three year anniversary, I opened his e-mail, found out there has been 253 e-mails. In fact, he has never stop e-mail her after I gave him the first chance. The worst part, he was very hot and wild with her both in e-mails and on the phone, when my beloved dad just past away, and I was away for my dad’s funeral. And again, he denied it, even I have forward all e-mails to my account and read some to him. he swear again, there is nothing going on in real world, just some non-sense e-mails. I know my heart was broken to pieces, as he begged me to saty, to trust him, I did give him a second chance. I thought he would take this chance. And then, last week, on his birthday, I found a birthday wish from her, and knowing she has sent a birthday gift to him by post. I don’t know what’s more I can say or do. I know I don’t trust him anymore but I am still staying with him. Is there anyone can tell me what should I do?

written by angry:(, 25 May, 2007

I think I already know the answer but I would like some advice. I have been with my BF x 1.5 years now and had trouble from the very beginning. I know I should have gotten rid of him in the beginning. Anyways, here’s the history: Early on he had major commitment issues, I shouldn’t have even bothered! But I waited for him to come around like an idiot. About 3-4 months into relationship, I was diagnosed with something called molluscum contagiosum, in which my doctor explained were sexually transmitted. I did an inspection of him and found these gross little bumps like I had had all over him! I told him I had caught this from him and he denied having anything, until I finally made him go to the doctor. He then proceeded to tell me that he must have had them already b4 we got tg. Then I hear from "the girl herself" that she had sex with him at his house. She even described his bedroom to me. He DENIED like crazy and still does to this day. I worked at a casino, and one night when I got off, I saw him coming in after hours. He said hello, and walked me to my car to say goodnight because I was exhausted. Before I had left I realized I was missing my tip bag, so I ran back in only to find him hand in hand with a girl at the bar! What the hell! He was very drunk, I went up to him and he ignored me, his GF! I later find out that he took her to breakfast and let her sit on his lap from a friend who was there. He has had many txt msgs from girls. I hate to admit it but I go through his phone. He receives and sends calls to random girls at 3, 4, 5 in the morning! Now before we get tg he erases everything in his phone, or takes it with him wherever he goes, even the bathroom. If he leaves his phone on it goes off constantly. I found 2 pairs of women’s thongs in his car, in which he tried to convince me that they were from a contest at a bar that he works at. There are many times he doesn’t answer my calls or texts until hours later. He is a bartender and goes out after work at like 5 am and I cant get a hold of him. He is constantly going out with his guy friends/ yeah right. I know I should leave this guy I just need a little push.

written by never imagined it could happen, 25 May, 2007

Wow! Thought I was in a great relationship ! Been married 27 years-thought I was the apple of his eye-he always said the right thing, did the right thing. I began to suspect something about 2 years ago. He never talks in his sleep-began saying this womans name a lot-of course when questioned it was always work related. Sex changed-he was always "good to go" and all of a sudden had "trouble"-excuses ranged from tired to not in the mood. Now Ive caught him in numerous lies-mostly about where he is at that moment-not knowing I can see him. When I ask him if he has "anything to tell me" he laughs and says what would I have to tell you. You are imagining things is his favorite or you are paranoid. Now I tell him that I I already know the answer before I ask. He now just refuses to answer. So little does he know that I am writing everything down and sending a copy to his Mom and all his family-and my lawyer too !!!!! Life is too short to waste another 27 years !!!

written by shouldileave, 01 June, 2007

I have had my suspicions for a few months now. Just recently, I decided to get the truth. My wife of 3 ½ years has been in fact cheating on me. She has gotten herself so entwined with lies, that she canâ??t keep them straight anymore. I donâ??t think she has any clue that I know. Everything started with her talking about this guy from work. He has already wrecked a marriage already being involved with a married woman. My wife then started going out with her friends more often, all coworkers. Once in a while she would say that this guy was also with. Then came the phone calls, 5 times a day sometimes. Then the texts. She said that they were just friends. A little over a week ago I looked on her cell phone and in her sent messages (which she always deleted and forgot this one time) was two messages expressing her love for this guy and asking if he was ready for her. There was the truth that I feared that I would find. I still needed more proof I grabbed the phone book and blindly looked for this guy in it. I had the initials which she used in her phone and the first name. I also knew the part of town this guy supposedly lived. I found an address which was that part of town and hopped in my truck. On my way to that address I seen her car parked. What dumb luck, I find her car and it wasnâ??t the address I was looking for, but didnâ??t really know anyways. I called her and she said that she was out with a friend and that they drove. Sure, why not, but this is not where she said that she would be for the night,so another lie. So I knew what this guy drove and it wasnâ??t there. So I went back there later, and there it was. Now, I have the all proof I need. I know she wants to go out this weekend with her friends. I know that she will be with him again. The only thing different will be that when she gets back into her car the next morning, there will be a note saying â??we need to talkâ? with my wedding ring. I do love her, but how can I ever trust her again. She says she loves me and doesnâ??t want to hurt me. I will have to decide what I will do after she is confronted. I know all she is going to do is lie.

written by IN THE DARK, 23 June, 2007

I was in a relationship with this guy for 1 year. I felt like his stories were too far fetched so I investigated the situation. He in fact was married and I told his wife everything. This creep still wants to see me. He says he loves me and he will not stop texting and calling. I have told his wife every time he calls. Nothing will stop this man I don’t know what to do next????

written by Crazy, 26 June, 2007

I live in a very small town, and it just so happens I went out of town for "Mother’s Day" and when I came home I noticed my bed was not the way I made it when I left, I asked him if he slept in it and he said no. I also found that the pillow cases had been changed. I asked him what he did while I was gone with our 3 children and he said he went to the local bar in town with some people we play ball with which let me inform you are not the best people to be around. We have an unwritten rule that we don’t visit bars without one another. A few weeks later I was told he brought one girl home and had sex with her in my bed. I was also told she is going around town telling everyone she did this with my husband. I confronted her, and she denies everything, as well as him. How do you stay in a marriage when you don’t what the truth is, but need him to tell you so you can start the healing process? Our marriage has been rocky for sometime now, I too at one time was having a relationship with someone else, it was an emotional relationship. My husband still saw that as cheating. I can see now why he done what he did, but he should at least tell the truth. I did. What now?

written by masagegrl, 04 July, 2007

I have been married for 11 years to someone who I trusted with complete faith. We have a 9 year old daughter and I just had a little girl 5 months ago. For the past year I have felt a complete change in him as far as spending time with the family, coming home at 1 or 2 in the morning, not being affectionate with me. I just thought maybe it was stress and work and after the baby was born it would all go away. Last week I discovered he’d been having sex with one of my friends for the last year. He says he doesn’t feel guilty because it was more than "lust". He says he wants to move on and rebuild with me but he will not stop talking to her!! He says he needs time to end it with her. I don’t want to leave him because of my 9 year old who loves her dad and my little newborn who is just starting and needs a dad in her life!! But I don’t know what I should believe? Someone please advise me

written by charlene, 06 July, 2007

You should never stay together cause of kids hell no...
Move on with your life what kind of role model is that to a child, get a big brother or sister for them...

written by Susie, 16 July, 2007

I am finishing treatment for breast cancer. As soon as my hair fell out my fiance started acting strangely. He saw me less and less. I was alone a lot and he ignored my request for help. He stopped any physical contact with me. I am know well on my way to recovery and he is still acting odd. I found out why. He is cheating with a co-worker. Both are cops. I am dumping him, I am sick of his lies and blaming me everything.

written by blanka3, 17 July, 2007

I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. My relationship lacked intimacy with him due to his military career at first, then working graveyard shift, and finally when my kids and I moved out to another state because we bought house there. He couldn’t find the same equivalent job at the time,so he lived there at his friend’s place. I hoped he would find job soon but it took him 1 year and a half to come back to us. I trusted him. He visited me and kids almost every weekend. I thought he was too busy to have any woman at all, and I’ve just learned 9 months later that he had an affair with two women past year. I had a strong feeling that he was cheating before I found out the truth from one of the women he’s been cheating with because his behavior towards me changed dramatically. He was irritable, constantly angry for no reason. However,I ignored the problem till she called him and I talked to her. She told me everything and about other woman as well he’s been working with. He admitted some truth but not all of it, which makes it difficult for me to forgive him. He says she is making up lies. But for what? I keep going back and forth in the circles imagining things he’s done with her and other woman. He won’t tell me details. I’m blaming myself for ever letting him go his own way. I thought through this separation I would resolve the problem that we had in our marriage for some years. I let him chose what he wanted, and obviously he’s made his choice. However, I feel so guilty now that our marrage might end because I won’t be able to forgive him. We have two children 13 and 9. He’s terrified that I might leave him now but I don’t know how let the past go. I need to know the whole truth underlying his affairs. He said he was drinking, and other women weren’t important to him, and whatever the woman said was lie. Then why would he continue his affairs not with one woman but with two for some period of time? I checked out all his calls he’s made for the past year and a half. There were numerous calls coming from both women and him. I knew then he was living with them not with his friend. I was in shock. But how could I be sure, I kept denying things. The uncertainty surrounding his affairs is torturing. Important thing that I neglected brought my marriage to wreckage. If you feel your husband is cheating, you should pay attention to every detail. You could’ve prevented it in time, don’t be in the state of denial, follow your instinct, and talk more to your husband about his or your concerns regarding marriage issues. He might start feeling guilty if he still loves you, and prevent further relationship.

written by merci, 19 July, 2007

Ive been married over 30 years and for the most part its been a nightmare due to his infidelities – not sexual he will never admit to that but emotional and porn. He formed a very close friendship with a younger woman when they worked together and the needs of his family went out the window. When I became pregnant with my third child he was furious and called me every nasty name he could think of. He was in no way there for me or our baby. He actually left me at home overdue with the baby and with 2 other small children and no phone, while he went supposedly to a party at his female friends house. Anyway when I returned to work after the baby was 6 wks old I worked with him but on a different shift she was on his shift, he ignored me completely would not communicate either at work or at home. He removed his wedding ring and cavorted with this woman in front of me at work, pulling her onto his knee doing the crossword at break etc. essentially behaving as if he was single.

written by proven suspicon, 21 July, 2007

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I have checked his phone a number of times and almost every time I find a message from some girl saying Good Morning Baby, or some message that he wrote to a different girl referring to something sexual he hasn’t done to her in a while, or I’ll hear a voicemail message from a girl that says she misses him and loves him too. He gets mad at me for checking his phone most of all and tells me that the messages don’t mean anything and that he loves me and only me. He tells me these are girls that he sometimes talks to on the chat line when he is bored and it’s all innocent. But how innocent is telling someone you love them? To make matters worse, I just found out I’m pregnant about 2 weeks ago. What should I do? Would I be stupid to believe this was all in fun? Somebody Please help!

written by fool4life, 30 July, 2007

I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. We have 4 children. I can honestly say we were at one time madly in love with one another. But not so much anymore. I caught her cheating in the second year of our marriage. After many weeks of confronting her with my suspicions and many many denials that I was just paranoid or looking for the worst in her (of course full of tears) a friend gave me a phone tap device that I hooked up to a tape recorder in the unfinished part of our basement. Wow! Talk about evidence! There it was in all it’s unbiased Memorex glory! I gave her one final shot at telling the truth and she even swore on my kids life that she was not being unfaithful. Then I played her the tape... don’t ask why we stayed together. I don’t have the answer to that. Well here it is 13 years and 4 children later and my suspicions are at it again. The business that we own together keeps her on the road for days on end across the country. I’ve recently started finding that her stories about where she is and what she’s doing doesn’t always line up with the hard evidence (i.e. roaming cell charges, gas receipts at odd-late hours of the night, cell calls to certain clients during her weekend stay-overs) Of course all I get is the well-rehearsed ‘how could you think that way about me’ tear-fest along with the usual body language that screams LIE, LIE, LIE! We have had a rocky relationship for years. I have a pretty bad anger management problem that I have been working on for years. No I do not get physical, but my verbal and emotional abuse can be down right despicable. I’m also a very controlling personality. I have read dozens of self-help books. Visited a number of therapists, and yes swallowed some pretty vile tasting pills to ‘help out’. And here we are. I’m terrified at the prospect of my children not having Mom and Dad together with them at home. The stigma. All that. (yes, I’m a product of a divorced couple) I keep thinking of our promises and commitments we made on our wedding day and how we systematically dismantled them all slowly over time. I’m beginning to think... that there will never be any resolution to any of it. That we are destined to become part of a statistic. We really are trying... I just don’t think we have it in us to make it. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

written by Can’t move on, 15 August, 2007

I really empathize with the stories I have read on here and it also feels validating for me in my own situation.
It is devastating when someone cheats on you but for me what makes it even worse is when they will not admit it or admit all the details.

I’ve had the classic line about these women only being friends. There have been a few. I’ve also confronted the women who also claim it was only friendship. I have nothing against female friends but he was always so under cover about it.

I know I should have left him years ago. We have a three year old son who adores his father but I know this isn’t reason enough to stay.

I’m haunted by what I don’t know and it’s impossible to rebuild the trust without what I have heard called ‘full disclosure’. I’ve tried talking to him about this until I’m blue in the face and it’s obvious to me that I simply need to move on but making the final break is proving difficult. It’s like I’m determined to make him finally confess all (why bother?) but it’s draining (on both of us)and it’s been three years now and I’m getting nowhere.

I know what the answer is, like so many of us, it’s just doing it.

written by chole, 25 August, 2007

My boyfriend of a year and a half and I met through mutual friends a while back... oddly enough we never knew each other the whole 2 years prior that I was a secretary for his dad’s office and lived a mere few blocks from each other for almost a year as well. We instantly hit it off, but then his creep father (my boss, and known office whore using his power to get young new girls in low positions to mess around with him for better jobs) claimed to have had an affair with me. i was 19 years old at the time and this pervert was damn near 50! anyways, it caused a lot of drama and we had to see each other secretly because of his family for a few months... in that time, we found out we were pregnant. A few weeks after I told him, he had a one night stand with a girl he didn’t even know, just found her on the computer. I found out about it 6 months later and was 7 months pregnant and DEVASTATED. He had emails between them that showed him telling her he was sorry for what he had done and that it was a huge, drunken mistake and that he cared about me a lot. And then there was no more communication after that. For the sake of our son (and because I love him so much) I decided to "forgive" him and continue our relationship. things have been great between us, but I still have doubts in the back of my mind. Recently, I had a bad feeling and checked his email account. I had went to see my family for an overnight visit and while I was gone, he had created an account on a "web-based sex personals site"... with a profile stating that he "loves women, everything about them" and that he is "good looking with a large *** that all women love." When I confronted him about it, I just went ballistic. He claims that he was just going to use the site to look at videos and pics like porn without having to "download it to our computer" for me to find... and that you have to create an account before you are able to see anything on the site ? I want so badly to believe this because I don’t want to rip apart my family or cancel wedding plans that have already been arranged and then face the dreaded "whys" of all our friends and family members... but my gut is just not allowing me to fall for this completely. I need some help.. I don’t know what do!!

written by No Name, 04 October, 2007

Many men just don’t seem to view relationships like their partners do. When you think about it; the women that you know with this same mentality are often the ones that we chose not to be friends with. Because many of us have high moral and want a truthful relationship; kind people are often punished for others’ mistakes! I never caught my husband cheating; physically. However, he shows all of the signs that he has minimal respect for me. When he tells me one thing, it often turns out to be the other. All of the women that he works with treat me as being in competition for him. He is often late when working alone with females; often an hour or more with no call. I find odd phone numbers and email addresses. He is highly secretive and defensive about everything that has to do with the computer and his telephone. I’ve found strange directions that led to a hotel. I found a dirty letter while doing the laundry for an easy sexual favor. Sex is often feelingless and detached; like I am just a whore. He closes his eyes all of the time during sex, and only wants himself pleased. He has become lazy and fat when around me; but when I surprise him at work; he is usually talking to another woman and looks like he is sucking in his stomach?
He tries to sense my uneasiness and suspiciousness all of the time. He tries to please me with food. He started putting horrible conclusions in my "talks" that I often with him. The conclusions are always; "why, because you think I’m with her"? It is almost like he likes the fact of me thinking that he is a cheater. Like he wants to get off to it. Often, I’m not even thinking that he would, it’s like he wants me to go out and catch him b/c it would make his confidence grow. I’m just realizing that a man with no confidence is abusive in so many ways... mentally esp, and physically. My husband has announced that he wants a divorce, and it has actually made my day! He hits me then says "I could really hit you hard, if you want to complain". If any man hits you... you should always beware of him. If he is capable of raising his hand to you, then he is capable of cheating and so much more... even killing you one day. There IS NO EXCUSE to being physically or mentally abusive to one another. Often it is the person that is not able to share themselves that first becomes abusive. My husband hit me on our wedding night b/c I called him a name. Looking back, I wish I had divorced sooner. Any pain of loneliness could never amount to the feeling of having someone and still feeling alone. I suggest to find a way to make yourself happy if any person with this mentality gives you the permission for a way out.

written by stupid in California, 31 October, 2007

I was in a six month relationship with someone who was tormented by what he called "losing the love of his life". He always told me that he could not give to our relationship because he could not go through the heartache again of a breakup. He broke it off the official relationship with me, but never left my bed. Turns out that the reason he ended our "relationship" was to peruse a woman in Michigan. 10 months later they were engaged (I found this out recently) but he was still sleeping with me as "bed buddies". A year later, he called me up and asked if "we" could start over again. I initially turned him down but after 3 months, I gave in. I later found out he had started a relationship with his ex wife when I initially turned him down. So yes, for 6 months, he had his fiance in MI, me, and his ex wife. I found out the relationship in MI soon ended because of the long distance issue. I then found out about the ex wife and left him. For a month he stalked me, begging for me to come back to him. He asked me to marry him and bought me a nice big house. I stupidly wanting to believe all the lies, went through with the marriage. He promised that he would end all contact with both of these woman. This was the contingency that I would come back to him. Emails and letters that both these women wrote showed me that he keep his promise and broke off any contact. This was a year ago. It’s only been recently that these woman have found out he’s married. Now that they know, the ex wife sent him an email telling him that she’d moved on. The one in MI has begun emailing him regularly... first on his usual email address, then on a new email that he hid. At first these were just jokes that she was forwarding. Lately, they have been sexual in nature and signing it with the romantic nick name she used when they were together. I confronted him on it. He said that these were unsolicited emails and that she wanted to get back together again. He said he told her no because their long distance relationship didn’t work before and that neither one would ever budge to move with each other. I asked him to make the emails stop, but it is clear that he has no intention, them latest came today. He will never see this because I deleted it, it just hurt so much. I have read many articles concerning confronting your cheating spouse and they all say basically that you shouldn’t unless you have the smoking gun. He can always stick to his story that it’s all her and he’s doing nothing wrong and I should stay out of his personal things. I know it’s the only way to the truth and wait for my smoking gun. I am so depressed that I can hardly get through the day. His reactions to my depression is to behave like the "perfect husband", more I love you’s than anything else. It’s over the top and I know it’s nothing but lip service. He must feel a great ego boost that there are women out there still carrying a torch for him. He has needs that no one person can fulfill. I look back on all my decisions based on his lies and I can hardly believe that I could fall for all this. All the cliches... she’s just a friend, that she wants him, that he told her no, that she’s thousands of miles away... that I have nothing to worry about... he only wants me. I also find it hard to believe that I can truly recover from this and be in a healthy relationship again. I have lost faith and hope in that it even exists.

written by stupid in minnesota, 08 November, 2007

I thought I was the only one to feel this way. Reading all these comments makes me so sad. My husband and I have been married for three years and I absolutely trusted him and thought he would never cheat on me. But like a lot of you he has and he wont admit it. I found out completely by accident of course. He happened to accidentally leave his phone home one day and he got a call from a strange #. I shouldn’t have but I did listen to the voice mail, and there it was a hey babe, message. When I confronted him he told me he didn’t know why she would leave him that message she had just called him out of the blue a few days ago. Of course I didn’t believe him. I moved to my sister and checked our phone records and it turns out he’d been talking to her daily for the last three months at that number. I looked deeper and it had been at least a year – using different numbers. He says they have only just talked and were just friends. But after reading all these posts I feel so stupid for believing his lies. Its been a few months now but I don’t trust him. I want to forgive him and re-trust him but how do I know hes telling the truth when Ive caught him in so many lies? Please help.

written by -loveisblind-, 26 November, 2007

I think I’m leaving him tonight. I’ve found more than enough evidence. I’ve seen texts, I’ve saw his car at her (his ex’s) house, and just the way he talks about her makes me sad. She was pregnant when they broke up, but she got an abortion about a month ago. When we first got together, he told me about the situation and that he needed to talk to her to make sure everything got cleared up, and he looked me straight in the eyes and promised me it would end after the abortion. It hasn’t. I found texts saying "when do you wanna hang out next?’ "get naked and I’ll be right over’, and other similar flirty texts. He also texts this other girl, calling her baby and other pet names... But I don’t think their having a sexual relationship. Before we started dating, we had been best friends for about two years... and he always seemed a little flirty with me when he was with other girls but nothing more. I’m sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I just want him to admit it, stop talking to her and be happy with me... like he says he is. If he doesn’t wanna be with me, he should just break up with me... Being put through this hell is way worse than being dumped.

written by ‘Ashamed to say’, 10 December, 2007

Wow, I can’t believe how many stories I’ve read that is so similar to what I am going through. I’ve been with my partner for almost 14 years we have 3 lovely children and own a lovely home and both have jobs. My partner has cheated on me so many times and still I chosen to stay with him for the sake of my children growing up without a father. Last year, we took a family trip overseas and we visited family which I have never met before. Anyway, my step-father’s family invited us over for the weekend for a family party. My partner became interested in one of the cousins and told her that she wasn’t related to me and that it was alright for them to have sex. It turns out that she turned him down and that night he became angry and blamed me and hit me. I then decided that enough was enough and tried to end the relationship but he begged and cried for me not to leave and yes, you would have guessed I chose to stay. He was great for a year until recently, we attended a wedding and he had too much to drink and became aggressive towards me again. I tried to escape and leave with my kids in the car and he tried to be a hero and smashed my car. The same scenario once again saying he’s sorry and will not happen again. I am so desperately wanting to leave this relationship but just don’t know how too but I’ve never felt so strong in wanting to leave him. I don’t think alcohol is an excuse. HELP!

written by So confused..why?, 31 December, 2007

Well, I have been married almost 6 years. When I was pregnant with our youngest, my husband would be out till about 4 in the morning every chance he got on the weekends. He didn’t want a baby at the time either. I’ve found messages on his phone to other women asking them if they wanted him to take them for a ride on his motorcycle. After about the 4th one (I thought I had enough evidence) I finally confronted him. This included a 16 year old girl that called me saying that her mom told her to call me and tell me that he needed to stay away from her. Anyways, he denied every bit of it. When I took the kids and left he finally admitting to knowing them but never had sex with them. We worked through things but I’m still having trust issues. Now he’s a truck driver and I’ve found stains on his sheets and condoms missing and he has perfect stories for that the second I ask about them. From day one, he always gets mad when I confront him and turns everything around to where I’m the bad person or that I did something wrong. He gets upset because I’m so self conscious and says I look fine and wishes that I’d believe him. How am I supposed to feel after what has gone on and what I’ve seen (and he’s denied). He’s got all these naked women pictures in his phone (which I know guys do), but how is that supposed to make me feel. I feel like I’m not good enough for him and that I need to become perfect like those women in order for him to truly love me. Call me stupid but the sad thing is that I still love him. I’ve been totally faithful to him. I’ve never even looked at another guy in ways I shouldn’t. I’ve given him everything and this is what I get in return. I don’t get it. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read this... I needed to vent.

written by nash, 26 January, 2008

He’s is cheating and lying through his teeth. I have been married for the pass 4 yrs been with this guy for the past 9 yrs and he had a girl almost living with every night. He said he was at work, but he was at work at her home making babies. Get to the bottom of it or take a trip to her house. You need to know. Don’t live on regrets.

written by dalin, 05 February, 2008

I have been married for 23 years and through out the marriage my husband had been unfaithful. 15 years ago his mistress called me and when I confronted him he denied and said it was a plot by his business rivalries to set him up. He kept on concocting incredible stories to cover himself but everything was as clear as day. I booted him out, be begged for another chance and I gave him cos of my two children then aged 9 and 11. I love my children very much and gave him that chance. he has never admitted to the affair and under the cloak of becoming a god fearing man and going to church he continued the affair with her. I discovered his lies two years ago and he agreed to go for counseling. He went for only 1 session and has not make any changes but continue to lie. I finally have enough and call it quits but am staying in the same house for the sake of my daughter’s education. Once she graduate next year I will move out of our present house with our son. It has been very painful cos I kept on trying for the children and hoping for the children’s sake he would work at the marriage since he claim he love the children so much esp my daughter. However I know everything is over and he is a really a nasty person once he is exposed and I know it is impossible to reconcile and restore when he is still going with his tall tales of denial. my greatest regret is giving him another chance.

written by shannon3girls, 12 February, 2008

I am 26 years old and all ready been married twice. My husband and I have been together for seven years. We’ve had more than our fair share of life’s ups and downs. Recently we’ve hit our lowest of lows. I left in the middle of December to sober up. He was all for it and then two weeks later he started an affair with a 20 year old girl with no responsibilities. Now she’s hollering she’s pregnant to "win" him. Because I know him so well I know that he feels caught between the two of us. But he can’t even admit it to either one of us. I just feel like giving up because I really don’t know what to do.

written by RagDoll, 17 February, 2008

Over the years I have caught BFs cheating/lying, and over the years I became more tainted, some would say; I like to think I have become more realistic. Its not that I want to BE distrusting, I just believe in approaching a relationship more scientifically... First fact, the majority of men lie, and or cheat....at least if they think they will not get caught. Could that be the key?

Do cheating men assume they can get away with it perhaps? and like a GF is always saying..."if you permit it you promote it" thus... are we in fact permitting some of this bad boy behavior... by handing over trust too soon? or without proving that investment safe right away?

This is not to say there are not very loyal and devoted men out there. I think there are, BUT.... I think they are the ones who will not have a problem with women thinking outside the box with a newer...trust-process...

FIND OUT about him....early on.... "in the "beginning" And lay out the facts to him....so as not to be/seem like a sneak or a snoop, or a cheat yourself. Whats wrong with saying to a guy "I do not hand over my trust. and I may have things I am curious about with your life over time....that is if you want to earn my trust."

A good relationship should have a solid foundation of communication. with this....(and a few other things) trust can be built....over time.
Think about telling him "whatever you are doing behind my back...I can and will do behind yours....if you stay in touch with old GFs, or go out with coworkers....I can and will do the same with guys." See what he says?

I believe....as many now do, that trust should be earned, not handed over with the word LOVE. It should not have to go hand in hand with love. I believe this was something mentally driven into us over time by men, for the sole purpose of holding most of the power in the relationship.

Real trust is proven, slowly over time. And smart people know this....men who are loyal...I believe, get this. Would you put all of your hard earned money into investments that are not proven safe?
Think of trust as an investment, of your time....effort...love...heart, body, and soul....shouldn’t this be the way it is....for all of us? (both genders really)

And its no longer the 50’s ladies, we do not have to play Barbie just because our mothers did. Cheating/lying men typically want a BARBIE at home. Look good, be nice, play nice, trust me, ask NO questions, give me what I want...when I want it Barbie. These guys will tell you you are crazy, paranoid...call you nasty names, start fights, and do anything that allows them to feel better or OK with what they are doing behind your back....esp. if you start calling them on things.

However, this too is not to say we do not need a balance....you have to manage your thoughts and feelings and be objective with yourself also. Focus on FACTs...the fair and loving things he does to help you feel safe and trust him...as well as things he does not. and keep in mind, NO ONE is perfect.
Be realistic with yourself and what you expect from a man Tell him you have been betrayed before and will NOT stand for it...and expect his patience with your "trust process" in him. You may find he too suffers from the same frailties.

But above all else, determine what YOU are willing to live with....MEN generally do not change, women usually CHANGE to suit them. And men that need to go to bars or be with the boys allot, usually at some point in time....DO get into TROUBLE.
Men that excuse their behavior or blame you for it are typically bad apples and NOT worth your effort or love. Finally, STOP thinking that there is something wrong with you, or what you gave in the relationship if you find your man has cheated or lied, REALIZE it is something WITHIN him that has caused him to act this way....and he will perhaps do it again to you, or that next chick; recognize when something IS not meant to be. For although all relationships are work...it did and always will take TWO for them to be successful and endure over time. Realize what you need and settle for nothing less~

written by mistyblues, 23 February, 2008

Try being married for over 35 yrs and now his so called girlfriend from 25 yrs ago is still trying to find him.. The kicker now is that a young girl is calling family members for info on my husband.. Can she be a daughter? Then to top things I caught him on the internet looking at porn last month... I didn’t spy on him. I was trying to print a recipe and 8 pages of porn came out!... He couldn’t deny that one..the punishment.. I had him tell his adult child of his cheating on me.. He was so ashamed and sworn off the computer! As for the other woman, she needs to get a life and as for the younger girl she will need DNA proof to believe her story! And now we are closer than ever. He only has access to local tv channels... and no family members as I told them all what was going on! Why should I carry his sham??? I raised his child alone... think I deserve credit for this?

written by Mwaka, 04 March, 2008

Its very sad... why do men do this to people they have made vows to... yesterday evening when I was leaving work on my way home... I met an old friend of mine. She told me that she had broken up with her husband. She then asked if I have about 30 minutes to spare because she wanted to tell me something. She stated that she has met my husband with another woman and even described her... I want out of this marriage but have 3 children aged 7 yrs, 5 yrs and 6 months... I do not want to waste time and live in sorrow... I can’t take it and I will forgive but cannot stay with him... I don’t care what my parents or his family members say... Why do we have to be the ones being cheated on and have to live with this? I will not tolerate nonsense...

written by fool in love with a fool, 31 March, 2008

I was married once before (to a verbally and emotionally abusive man) and can only compare my relationship to an unbelievably bad one. I’m not sure I am being overly dramatic. But after three years and my second marriage to a man that everyone else sees as "kind and gentle" I am ready to give up on all men.
In the beginning of our relationship I made many excuses for him not having any time to pay attention to me during his time at school. And there were women he spent more time with him then I was able because of it. Then at his graduation he arrived late to dinner with his family while I stood waiting for him to finish taking pictures with one woman who clearly had more feelings then "friendship". I cried and he promised that he had no idea that it bothered me despite my body language and nagging at him that night. then a month later when I moved to a completely different city to live with him I was informed by another college "friend" that they had drove around one night for a couple of hours and "held hands" which isn’t a big deal and I just explained to him that it was unacceptable behavior and that I would not accept a re-occurrence. Then 6 mos later he broke up with me for a week to decide if he really loved his ex-girlfriend (ex-fiance due to moving away for school) and not me. I almost left but I loved him and when she went back to college our relationship just continued as if nothing ever happened. Except he wanted to refrain from intimacy for a while until he was certain that he was ready for marriage. then I found porn in his room and he replied "I don’t know why I bought that, I just had an impulse." so I told him that porn was unacceptable especially when he had a real live hottie at home that was more than capable to fulfill any one of those fantasies (me). Well then everything seemed better and we got married a year later. Shortly after an old friend began to email him and tell him how much she missed him and how great he looked and how she wanted him to tell her all about his life so they could be best friends again. well when I found out I erased the email account and made a combined account for the two of us which is why I was especially surprised to see an email address pop-up that I had never seen and resembled an email address he had before we even met (that had been linked to an on-line dating site). He didn’t know I was aware of the previous account and I asked if he had ever attempted to meet anyone on-line for sex or just to chat. he replied with out hesitation as he laughed it off "no, I’m not that smooth." so I let it go and asked him a month later if he had ever cheated on me and he became angry and asked who had been saying anything to me. I told him that no one had to and that I had evidence. And he denied once again ever looking for sex on the internet. Until I rattled off the email address I had found and what I had seen in the email and two on-line dating accounts. he used his exact age and described himself exactly, so I wonder why he would say he was looking for intimate encounters, three somes and sexual chat on the his profile if he claims that he never intended to meet anyone. But I know that he had discussed real times and locations with these few women he chatted with and even had naked pics of himself to send to them. But he denies meeting them or sending the pictures, he claims that he hesitated to cross the line of infidelity and even stopped closed the accounts (conveniently closed the costly on-line dating accounts the same time that we decided to close our individual bank accounts and open a joint account). I don’t trust him... he lied even when originally questioned until faced with cold hard fact, then promises that he loves me more then life itself in the same breath. He opened the on-line dating accounts the same month we were married and continued for 4 mos. I would have never known except for accidentally stumbling on the evidence. I tried to originally be better then all those sexy women I felt I needed to compete and now only a few mos later I feel resentful for investing so much time and effort into a relationship and a man that is below me. please help... I don’t know if I am wasting even more time by staying committed to a marriage that was built on lies from the start.

written by Rinribas Riseder, 09 April, 2008

I am a newly wed wife. I’ve been married for less than a year and already my husband has cheated on me. Physically, emotionally, you name it. The first person he’s cheated on me with is his ex-wife, they are on the phone together. She’s calling him up everyday spending at least hours on the phone. My husband loss his license so he got caught speeding. Well it came out that he spent the night with Valarie. When my husband is being unfaithful he turn off his phone. I know my husband is a cheater. Women this is a wise thing, I purchased eblaster and spector pro for less than 130bucks online. Download both on the computer. Have it be sent to your email address. Retrieve all info from where he is and wherever he goes. Also, if your hubby cheats on the phone and text message theirs a website call Retrieved R, put his number in and pay a one time fee of 15.00. I’m using him as bait. I figure currently my husband makes all the money. He’s on his last leg and sooner or later he’s going to be gone. Don’t get me wrong, but I don’t work not as of yet, but when I do I will save up all my money. Plus my husband still gives me a huge portion of the money. Stop giving him sex. Women we know how we can do it. But this is good, because when you go to court this is your evidence as infidelity. I figure I will be on my feet in another 1 to 2 years. Until then, I say nothing, but I distance myself. In fact, women start doing what I am doing. Filling up your schedules, like for me I spend a lot of time in the gym. I figure when I finish losing my weight and get my things in check I will leave his butt. When your divorce you can only get so much. I don’t need to sound like a gold digger but the way I see it is if I let him know right now I lose, but if I wait till I am back on my feet I win. Keep denying him of it, eventually, it will be like he’s paying you to live there. Eventually you will save enough that it wouldn’t even matter. Also to Angelica, word of the wise men cheat, unless you are equally yolk and have a good men that really truly love you, I’m talking about the "Notebook" kinda love, where they would lay down their life for you, he will always find someone who looks better, who is more fun, who is more like their mama, etc. Face it women who are married compete with unmarried men. The sad truth is that men are now less faithful to their women then they were fifteen years ago. My grandparents were married for fifty seven years, and the love they still have together is the type of love you only find in the movie. Marriage is already hard and difficult. Try to find some way to separate yourself. Also, stop telling them you love them. Tell them thank you and be polite, but I found the less I say I love you, the more I feel confident, and better. Saying I love you brings about attachment and feelings. Detach yourself. One or two things will happened. The first is he will notice that you have become withdrawn and he may try to save you. Or he may walk away.

written by Ditto, 24 April, 2008

Wow! Are we all married to the same creep? Rinribas – good advice. Thats what I’m doing to. I can’t find that site "retrieve r", can you post a link?

Amy R.

written by Ditto777, 07 June, 2008

I was married to someone that I met quickly and married quickly. Met him online. I am a woman of truth and integrity---he professed to be the same when we spoke and in email. I have since learned many lessons from being married to this guy. During our first year of marriage, while professing his love for me and that "I’m the best thing that has happened to him" and "You are so amazing, I finally know what real love is". Blah, blah blah. You get the point. While he tells me this over and over, AND I BELIEVED HIM, he was on several dating websites, posing as a single man, fabricating stories about himself. He also had an emotional affair with one woman in particular, looked at all kinds of porn. And these are just the things I knew of. This went on about 11 months before I found it all out one day. Because he had lots of childhood issues, I gave him another chance. He swore he wanted to be a better man, become a better man. The next two years, I thought he was keeping his word. We decided to divorce in year four of our marriage. He hung around for a few months until he moved out of town. I discovered through computer usage and other programs, that he was back to his "old patterns"----on many dating websites, compulsively lying, had slept with two women and carried on an emotional affair with another one. I tell you all this because 99% OF MEN WILL NOT CHANGE. DON’T GET SUCKED IN GIRLS, REMEMBER, THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR. AS WITH MOST OF THE GUYS ABOVE, THEY DO NOT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS. That should be your first clue. Do they play the victim role? Another clue for you. This guy was deceptive, manipulative, compulsive liar, immature, irresponsible, etc. I could go on and on. I thought he had potential but I finally realized that he didn’t want to be in this marriage. The signs were there... but every time he apologized, tugged at my heartstrings, I thought he wanted to change and become an honest guy. NOT!!!. I know there is a great guy out there for me but that’s not my focus now. My ex is online all the time, talking to 20 women, lying to them and I feel sad for them. It will be a roller coaster ride! Hope they get out sooner than I did.

written by Damo, 11 June, 2008

I am sat here tonight reading all the stories on this site and have noticed that the majority of experiences are written by cheated wives, and the common theme amongst them is that ALL men are liars and that you should ditch your man if he lies to you and has repeated affairs. Does the same apply if you are a husband whose wife has cheated on him?
I am a cheated husband and I found out my wife was having an affair exactly a month ago now. I have been with my wife for 14 years and have been married for 6, happily so I thought. We have a 3 year old daughter together and my wife has two older children aged 14 and 18, whom I have brought up for all these years as my own. When I married my wife, it was for life and I wept as she walked down the aisle because I was so much in love with and proud of the woman who was to become my partner for life. However, over the last goodness knows how many months, I’ve noticed many things which should have told me that things weren?t right. Everyone around me, including my boss at the time, family, friends etc, suggested to me that there might be something going on with her because her habits had changed somewhat, but when I questioned her about my suspicions, she always had what sounded like a valid response, so I chose to believe her.
I found out that she was having an affair purely by chance as such. One of the habits that my wife had changed was to start keeping her mobile with her at all times. This started about 12 months ago or more, following years of me telling her to turn the thing on at least, or what?s the point in having a mobile! She had left her phone unattended which was a rare sight these days, so I took the opportunity to have a quick look. I went into her call log and it was empty, so I then checked the messages and there in the Inbox was a picture of my wife, taken in a bedroom I didn?t recognize, dressed in sexy underwear which I had never seen before, with the message YUMMY written below it. In her Outbox were 2 photos of her topless, which had failed to send!
The name of the person who had sent her the picture in her underwear and the recipient of the pictures in the inbox was the name of my mother?s dog (Milly)! I called the number to see who might answer and asked for a totally random name. It was a male who answered which confirmed my suspicions so I confronted her about it. What I didn?t expect was complete denial and the biggest load of tosh you have ever heard in your life about who this person was. SHE was apparently a woman in her office that let other people use her phone. The lies continued until I actually rang Milly from my mobile in front of her this time and asked him when he answered, who I was speaking to. He quite readily gave me his name (which was not Milly) which I repeated out loud. This was the first time I had known what he was called. At that point, my wife ran out of the house!
Since then, I have been told more lies than I can care to remember and have also confronted my wife and her boyfriend as they came out of his house one morning a couple of weeks ago when she had told me that she was stopping elsewhere. I didn?t get violent, but I did show aggression towards his car as he stuck his fingers up at me and laughed as he drove away, leaving me and my wife to continue talking in a fashion on the street.
I have been the one though, through all of this who has offered an opportunity to get back together and to try again, but for a month now, my wife has been refusing to let her boyfriend go just in case I don?t want her back. Tonight, again, she has lied to me telling me that she was somewhere else but I drove over and saw her at his house again with my own eyes, but guess what? She still denies she was there with him! Damo
I love my wife and don?t hate her, but I hate the lies and the deception and the fact that she is still seeing him. For us to work again, or to even start talking about it, she must first dump the boyfriend and I have also asked that she look for another job as he works in the same department as her. I don?t know what the future holds for us yet but if the lies and the boyfriend continue, we are over for sure. My heads all over the place not knowing if I can forgive her for what she?s done or not and can I ever learn to trust her again
To finish off, not all men are cheats, some are loving husbands like me who just like the women who have been hurt on this site, didn?t deserve any of this. I committed myself to my wife when we were married and it was for life but she has now betrayed me, not just with the affair and the pictures, but the lies and the deception. Can we ever work it out I ask myself? Any thoughts would be appreciated as I?m at a loss what to do.

written by Jenelle, 11 July, 2008

Hi Damo

You need to leave your wife. It takes two to tangle and it also takes two to work things out. Looks like she doesn’t want to work things out and sorry to say this, but you look like a sucker now. Anyone reading this, if you have been cheated on, LEAVE, don’t come back for more. You’re just setting yourself up. Good luck.

written by GetingSmarterInToronto, 16 July, 2008

Early last summer I fell in love with someone during a very vulnerable time in my life. Our friendship and companionship quickly blossomed, and I felt a genuine magic between us. Since we had both just ended long-term relationships a considerable part of our bonding experience concerned what had failed in our previous relationships and what we wanted for our future. We definitely shared an idyllic conception that we were one another’s soul mate, and I experienced a happiness that I’ve never known before...But, as seems to be the case with all of these sad tales I’ve empathized with this evening, our bliss was short-lived. About six months into our relationship I started to notice that he was becoming more secretive when writing emails, txt mssg, and telephone calls. So I started to snoop and found the names of several strange women on his phone. I immediately ended the relationship. A week passed and he begged me talk him back, explaining that he had zero interest in these other women, just friends, one might be interested in him but he’s not in her, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Sadly, I took him back. Then, another few months later, I find out that not only has he been talking on the phone to some other women in another town who is "into him" but now his ex-girlfriend (who moved to another city) also wants him back! I tell him that I NEVER want him to contact me again. Guess what he does? He calls my best friend and convinces him that he really, really is only in love with me and that he has no interest in these other women who are calling him. Like an absolute fool, I take him back. And things are good...for a while. Then, the cycle starts up again...A couple of weeks ago he and I decide that its just "not working" between us. He had become really irritable and aggressive towards, even emotionally abusive. So, we end the relationship. But something is really nagging at me. In fact, I keep having these crazy nightmares that he is with someone else and that his interest in that relationship is the real driving force behind his discontent and maltreatment of me. Sure enough, after some investigative work on my part I find out that he’s been out with a recently separated women and all her friends the very night he told me that he was going out with his University pals. And I even found a (hazy) picture for proof. But here’s the climax: Can you believe that when I confronted him not only did he deny it, he also threatened me -- the person he still claims to love so dearly -- with a restraining order if I contact him again?!? Apparently, I am crazy and really losing it this time. Pathetic. Listen up ladies: just because it looks fantastic on the outside doesn’t mean it isn’t rotten to the core on the inside. Sometimes you have to put your fork in and dig awhile to find out just how unappetizing the meal really is. If you went to an expensive restaurant and ordered the best thing on the menu only to find out that maggots were breeding inside, would you really stomach what was on your plate just because you had been looking forward to eating there all day or because you might not find another restaurant open at that time of night? I do not think so. Similarly, when you find out that the person you have poured your heart, soul, trust, confidence, forgiveness and dreams into is at best never gonna satisfy you, and at worse potentially pass along some disease that’ll really make you sick (mentally or physically), I say walk away from the table. Starve before you accept the crappy scraps of a lying, manipulative, deceitful and self-destructive person. You deserve only the finest and the best.

written by sweet pa, 27 August, 2008

I thought I was the only fool. All the text messages I found I probably could write a book. One evening my husband of 15 years asked me how to spell the word baffle. Low and behold he text a woman stating how his heart baffles for her. My husband got an IPhone its has a security code, I was able to crack that code. I just recently (July 17th 200 I saw a picture he took of P O, she right there smiling. My heart almost melt in me. These men just would stop. I asked if there is an affair just like all these other liars-DENIAL.

written by jayrose, 28 August, 2008

I have been married for 6 years with two beautiful children. My husband treats me really well at times. He helps with the laundry, he makes breakfast every morning, he takes the children to school and if I have to work late he picks them up and takes care of them. He does not go out at night. He is self employed and makes a good dollar for us. We travel almost every year, the entire family. You may think with all of this that I should be happy, well I am not. My husband is very aggressive and controlling, He is the sweetest man when things are going his way. Last December, the 22nd to be exact he beat me really badly, he said that I was cheating on him. He checked my underwear one night when I came in late from work and said that I was screwing around on him. He does not want me to have any male friends, I agreed to this and I told him that I should be afforded the same privileged. If I cannot have male friends then he should not have female friends. This is where the argument started. I am sometime so scared for my life after the first time he hit me. I sometimes tell myself that I should get a divorce but I have become so dependent on him that I do not think I can make it on my own sometimes. We are not talking right now, simply because I was having a telephone conversation with him and my female neighbour who seem to be in very close proximity to him whilst we were talking, and I said to him that I did not approve of this and because of this we are not speaking. He gets really angry and with my stupidity I am always the one who tries to get thing going for us again. Today I am trying to be strong and not say anything to him. I feel lost and confused right now. I WONDER IF HE IS CHEATING ON ME, simply because he can be so aggressive at times.

written by Kurliq, 02 September, 2008

Have any of you people ever stopped to consider that you don’t OWN someone else? I think that spying on a loved one means you might as well hang it up, and seek counseling for your own internal issues. I, for example, spend a lot of time having fun with other women, and I am open with my wife about everything. She is of course free to do as she pleases with other men (or women ;-). If I couldn’t be myself around her, and had to sneak around like some kind of child, I wouldn’t spend any time with her, or anyone else who would treat me as their property. It is this paranoid sense of ownership that is causing marriage to be seen as less and less important by most men.

By the way, I came to this site to find out about glance behavior in lie-detection, not detecting cheating. I agree with the author’s conclusion that watching which directly people glance is, well, inconclusive. My wife and I both glance to the right while speaking, and we are both honest with each other as we have no reason to lie, given the paragraph above.

written by r-dub, 09 September, 2008

I had cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years 3 times. The pain I feel every time it happens is unbearable. She finally found out about it all, and I did not know what to do. I could not own up to what I had done. I just got more and more depressed. Finally I decided to seek therapy. I now can happily say we have been married for 13 years. Sometimes, Guys can be given another chance and have everything work out.

written by jryan, 22 September, 2008

It is pretty amazing to hear the lies, the denial, the insistence that you are crazy, from those that cheat, isn’t it? And isn’t it tough when you know, inside, that they are lying, that something is wrong: but you just don’t know how to get out? Because you do care, because you do love them, and because you do want it all to just be better and go away?

Well, can it?

I don’t know, either.

Statiscally, we are of course shown that most people do not change. I believe they are capable of it. But they must have real reason to. And let’s face it, we may never be able to provide the reasons (loss of public face, loss of job) that would motivate some to be honest and have character.

Overall, I think that we should just get rid of them, and find others that are better.

But I also know that this doesn’t serve to strengthen our communities or to help others.

So instead: can we seek help with them? Can we help, somehow?

(Except, oft times: the cost to ourselves, is too big. I know the pain and tears I myself have felt and suffered. I do not know I can or could endure more.)

They are addicts. Addicts of excitement and attention. They "don’t mean to hurt anyone" (how many times have we heard that one). Maybe they do, need help. They are like little children who are making bad choices, again and again. I agree we want a partner who is an adult. And yet, aren’t we all, as well, sometimes, like little children?

They don’t see or understand the condequences. They see it in front of them and then they take it.

Granted, this is underdeveloped behavior.

But if you are in love with someone like this?

First, realize you could love someone else. And to be where you are IS a choice. There ARE others out there, and there is prove of that.

Next, don’t take it personally. ANY of their actions. Try not to.

And last: children need to be given boundaries and to have consequences. So be firm and have self respect. They must improve their behavior to return, and they must be willing to be totally transparent.

If they aren’t, you have to leave. If they ever decide to be, then you can see if you are still in a spot where you want to continue the relationship.

I myself am in serious pain right now. Just lies and more lies. With a neighbor woman. His best friends girlfriend this time. Prior to that it was with his x wife. Before that, a girl he works with.

You know, there is always a story or explantion behind it. But there are also, just patterns of behavior that exist. And in the end, you can just look at the repetitive behavior and the numbers and call a spade a spade and accept it, yourself. What else are you going to do? (just keep trying and crying, I know.)

I do know how hard it is to get out. I haven’t yet done it. As we speak he is leaving voice messages and texting and texting. He denies most everything and just tries to act like nothing is wrong. That is his method. My mind knows better--I have been sick to my stomach now, for months. Just last week he held me while in bed, asking what he could do to help me feel more secure, while hours earlier, I later find out: he had been with someone else.

Wow. It’s a sickness that they have.

Don’t take it personally.
Have boundaries.
Let them decide what they are going to do with the boundaries you have set.
Be okay with moving on, yourself. Plan on it. Start.

I wish luck to all of those who have posted, here. With texting and instant communication, it is easier and easier to cheat and to justify cheating. Don’t do it yourself. Live a higher law, and try to improve our communities and others by being strong in what you believe, and allowing others the chance to improve.

written by lapp, 28 September, 2008

I can’t for the life of me figure out why cheaters get married in the first place. They can have all the women they want with out bringing into the picture some innocent woman who then falls in love with them. I have often wondered why so many of us stay with cheaters knowing full well that they are creeps and we are angels. RagDoll you made a lot of sense....

written by., 30 September, 2008

I need the truth so much at this point (I’ve been with him for two years or more). But all I have to go on, is a bunch of situational lies and a gut feeling.

I complimented a girl in our college yesterday, told her she was very pretty. It happened to be a girl who was a junior of his from his department. Five minutes later I received a phone call from him, yelling at me and asking me if I was retarded or something.

When I asked why, what the hell was wrong with him, he told me, I had freaked out that same girl. I told him I was going to go meet her and sort this out. He was at home at that point and a few seconds later, he was driving to our college, yelling at me and telling me he didn’t want me to talk to anyone or fight with anyone.

I was curious as to why, but the fact was, he was protecting her from something. He was protecting her from me and he proved exactly that. I have heard rumors about him and this girl before. I just want the proof so he will let me go as well. The last time he broke up with me, he caused me to lose our child. I had a miscarriage. I want him gone from my life for good this time. I cannot forgive him now.

written by FedUpFed, 08 October, 2008

Anyone who looses you too much in a relationship, always think twice, i.e. loosing you a child.

If anybody fails you at the 11th hour, keep an eye on them. It may not be worth it pursuing a relationship.

written by Concerned Guy, 17 October, 2008

I am a married man who has several guy friend whose families spend time with my wife and me on a fairly regular basis. It is very interesting to me how things really do generally start off so benign. Several of my friends have cheated, not ongoing affairs, but are very unwilling to do anything they think will get them caught and jeopardize their family life.

The funny thing is that the guys that do this stuff on a regular basis are great family guys, but there is/was some issue that was never resolved.

1. For example, one guy who had been trying to get his wife to work out with him and do some more outdoorsy things like they used to, eventually stopped. She was upset with him for "nagging", so he stopped, but that is not necessarily good. He found someone that he works out with and does some of the outdoorsy things with him. There is nothing really sexual about the whole thing, but there have been a couple of kisses, no sex. Since they are both married, they have fought to keep the relationship acceptable, but it’s hard to do when you spend that much time with someone who enjoys your passion (life hobbies).

My point is that if your significant other is pleading with you to do things you used to do, but then suddenly stops, you need to ask yourself why the sudden change. Is it that he had decided to stop "nagging", or has he found someone to handle it for him?

2. Another friend, who is also a great family guy and works hard to provide and care for his family, does not have affairs. However, he likes to go to massage parlors and strip clubs to have exciting sexual situations that he says the wife will not do – fellatio. He has never had intercourse with any woman other than his wife, but he gets this one thing from other women whenever the opportunity presents itself. He does not text, stay out late, call anyone, or disappear for any length of time.

The point is that he has not had the classic change in habits that would signal any problems. In fact, now that that one need is handled, he is more focused than ever on his kids and taking care of the family. Once again, if your spouse suddenly stops asking for something that is obviously important to them, you need to ask yourself why. Did you satisfy their need ro did someone else?

3. The funniest thing is that I have one friend whose wife accuses him of cheating on a fairly regular basis, but he knew she had trust issues going in. It doesn’t help that he buys her flowers randomly and other gifts randomly, since for some reason this is the sign of a cheating spouse. I think it should be a sign that something reminded him of you and why he loves you. She has asked me before and I have told her that he loves her and has never cheated on her, but she is going to drive him away with that level of suspicion. He has since consciously stopped buying her flowers and little gifts, except on special occasions. Now she wonders why.

My point is that if you have a good husband and there are no signs, you need to be careful about being suspicious over everything. Just because he buys you flowers or gifts on a random day, does not mean he feels guilty about something. It may mean that he was thinking about you and wanted to show you that he was thinking of you and loves you. Women, you need to realize that we will do things just to see your smile, so don’t be suspicious every time he goes above and beyond.

Ladies, I hope this helps.

written by Greg07, 14 December, 2008

And I suppose wives never cheat on their husbands right? Oh no, that never happens.

written by CJ King, 14 December, 2008

I cheated on my wife. It wasn’t something I planned, it just happened. I work at an insurance company doing filing work. Well, one day a new woman comes to the office. She is a new employee. She works right next to my cubicle. Immediately, we hit it off. I had also been having trouble at home. My wife recently had a baby, and all her attention has been on it. This baby was never planned and was born out of wedlock. She has been paying attention to me only sporadically, baby takes up way more time. Anyway, this lady shows much more interest in me, and she’s single. We get closer and closer emotionally. One night, we were working late, and no one was there but us. We finally both went to leave, and she started up her car, but it immediately died. I offered to drive her home, and she accepted. We went to her place, and I stayed for dinner after calling my wife and telling her I was working late. After dinner we sat down on the couch and kept talking. It was still storming hard outside, so I had no intention of driving in that weather. We moved closer and closer together until we were right next to each other. I leaned forward for a kiss, and she accepted. This lead to even more kisses, and soon we were ripping each others’ clothes off, and running to her bedroom. It was a fun night. My wife called about three times, and eventually I answered it. I was jolted back to reality, and realized I had cheated. I said a quick goodbye, and left. When I got home, my wife was furious. Apparently I hadn’t hung up, and I had been overheard saying goodbye to "the other woman". She guessed right. I confessed, and all hell broke loose. I explained my reasoning, and she refused to acknowledge any fault. Since then, it has happened again and again. We are now filing for divorce, and I couldn’t be happier.

written by Dannielle, 17 December, 2008

I have been with my husband for 8 1/2 years and we have been trying to have a baby for 7. I met him when he was in med school, and we got married during his residency. He finished his fellowship in June and we moved for the third time, this time from the midwest to west coast so he could start his first job. I always put him and his career first believing and trusting in him when he told me that once we got here it would be my turn to focus on myself and my career. He never had any friends but right at the end of the year something went "off" and my radar went up. He went out to say goodbye to coworkers 4 different times, and never invited me. In the four years we were in Chicago, he never went out with friends and if he had to go to work related function I had to be there. I let it go because we were moving so far away and shrugged it off to a flirtation. We moved and spent 2 months off together and at the end of the summer he went to FL for conference/test prep. During that weekend my radar went off again but i was quickly distracted when I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone so those few days were torture keeping this secret. When he got home I told him and he was completely stoic. I just thought he was in shock. But the next morning he started in on how unhappy he was and had been for years and how that he shouldn’t have moved me out here etc... I was floored. He agreed to counseling and I told him that he needed to find the counselor. Several weeks went by and he did nothing and everything felt so different. Then a few days after my b-day I found his online phone acct which listed his phone calls and txt msgs. 30pgs of one number. 3-5hr phone calls, 28 msgs back and forth in a day and so on. I knew instantly who it was but considering how much time he spent on the phone I never once heard him talk to her or about her. I looked at the records and discovered that they spoke at 3:am on Fri morning after he reached FL and then the next msg was at 2 am the following monday- why- well I looked into airline flights and found the Chicago to FL flights that fit this time frame. I was a PI for a time and had many resources.

He was sleeping with this woman in FL while I was home with finally pregnant with our first child. I confronted him, and at first he said he would give her up but said they were only friends. Then changed his mind and said he wouldn’t give her etc.. Long story short- My husband got caught red handed and the best he could come up with was that AT&T was wrong about the phone bill- then it took over 2 months before he came up with "I needed to talk to her about Journal Articles and Abstracts that we are trying to have published"- OK that explains the 2 am text msgs right and the five hour phone calls none of which occurred in front of me?

But like the other women and men- it is the lying that hurts the most. I think I might have been able to forgive if he could have been honest. But it is one lie after another now. And they have gotten so big and out of control that there is no way for him to be honest and save face. He has told people that he left me because I am an alcoholic, lazy and have only been with him for the money. Anyone who has ever known a med student/resident/fellow knows there is no money. And it was no different in this case- he got his first paying job and made me the first wife all in the same week. I know I should hate him, and there are moments when I do- but my head and heart are at such odds when it comes to him because I can see the influence of this woman on him, I hear her voice when he speaks, it is like some bizarre puppet show that won’t end. It doesn’t really matter much I guess, I have asked him to come home and try- I even put aside the other woman and said lets start over- but as I said before he has created such a massivley out of control lie that he will only lose face if he does. And probably her even though according to him they are only friends. I know she didn’t take any vows with me but you just don’t mess with another persons significant other- its just low.

So every day I pray that when Karma comes around I at least get a front row seat for the show.

written by Sadie 2, 30 December, 2008

I have been married for 7 years and have a 2 year old son. For years I suspected by husband was having an affair or numerous relationships but never had anything to prove it. This was always just a gut feeling but I put it down to trust issues. However, a week ago I started receiving anonymous text messages from some guy claiming to be a secret admirer of mine and that I should leave my jerk of a husband as I deserved better. When I questioned this person via text he sent back few text messages indicating that my husband had an affair with a woman from our circle of friends and that there had been others. But when u try and phone this number there is no answer. I spoke to my husband about it and he obviously denies it and says he feels bad for me that someone is trying to hurt me like this my sending me these messages.

The other thing is that for over 2 years now I have been begging him to go for couples counseling to work on our marriage and he has refused, now suddenly he wants to go or counseling. He says he loves me and wants us to make our marriage work, yet he is cold and distant and I just can’t help but wonder if these text messages were true.

I’m so torn at the moment and don’t know what to do.

written by I want to believe him, 25 January, 2009

Hey there I have been with my husband for 9 years..... here the thing he went on vacation for 2 weeks I ask him to take pictures.... and you know what he bring back pictures of girls and there this one girl that’s in the pictures a lot and all over him he say that she an old friend of his but I don’t know what to think I want to believe him but I just can’t. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I THINK PLZ

written by deb 123, 27 February, 2009

I’m supposed to be getting married soon. We’re engaged but haven’t planned yet. We have a baby together and another one on the way. We work at the same place but different shifts. A couple months ago this girl came to me and was just talking about her life. She’s very friendly and talks a lot. Then she decided to show me a text message she send to my bf it was a happy face that said you make me smile. She shouldn’t even have his number. Then throughout the week continues to talk about how she text him this and that. I asked him how she got his number and he said he thought I gave it to her. What the hell why would I give some woman his number? He must have told her I was upset about the situation because she came to me and apologized the next day. I wasn’t sure if anything else had happened after that because she’s there when he is and usually leaves before I arrive. The other day when he was getting ready for work I woke suddenly and immediately thought to check his text messages. I have no idea why, it was like someone up above wanted me to know something because I haven’t been feeling suspicious at all. oh I almost forgot the day before he sent me a message saying I was so worried about you you haven’t been answering the phone. I never received any calls so maybe that caused some suspicion. The day I accidentally received that text him and the other woman text back and forth. One of the texts he sent said you are so sexy. I confronted him and he said I’m just flirting I didn’t mean anything by it. I told him he was taking it too far. I feel I don’t have much evidence but part of me wants to tell him the wedding is off.

written by giovanna, 28 February, 2009

I wouldn’t believe him, simply put. What was he doing on vacation without you anyway? Good luck with this dear. Be strong.

written by Lauren., 16 April, 2009

Hey guys. Ive just come across this site. All of these stories are awful. Ive been with my boyfriend for about 8 mnths now, at first it was great, laughs, going out, taking random pics & stuff. But, all of a sudden he changed, i confronted him about the way he has been behaving & he says its all in my head & he loves me, wants a future...& all the rest. I think him & his ex (before me) have something going on. I called him the other night, asked him over, he told me he would be ‘there in a min’, he was just finding his shoes, that was at 1:00 this morning...its now quarter to four in the morning & there is still no sign of him! Cheating or what? Please help. x

written by hitty, 10 May, 2009

Same story, slightly different verse. My husband also lies but I can clearly see his discomfort while doing it. He doesn’t know yet how much I know, and I am playing it cool until I have hard evidence that can’t be denied. I have a hidden GPS tracking device on the car, so it shouldn’t be long until I know the truth. He got wise about using computers or cell phones but only after I made the mistake of confronting him without enough evidence to absolutely prove what he is doing. So he lied, and then stopped using those. But he is doing other things that tip me off, so I got the GPS tracking device.

written by Torn, 20 May, 2009

My husband and I will be married for 12 years next month. I love him dearly but always had suspicions. About a month ago I got a confessions out of him. He told me about a girl he was with when we were first married,(i might add I was 8 months pregnant at the time)A girl I was warned about from 2 of his close friends after it had occurred ,but what proof did I have? So our marriage continued, with many heated arguments and suspicions almost on a daily basis. But things between us always seemed OK aside from the major undisclosed issue and for the most part I let things lie for the sake of our children and my love for my husband. But as of last month I found out how betrayed I really was and since have putting things together, and wondering how much more of the story there really is and if that was the only story. I know the mind will lead you to believe the worst even if it is not the case but how do you really find out the truth and if you do how do you deal with it? So here I am wondering what my next step in life should be. Should I shut up about it and leave things alone and continue my marriage or should I leave him? I feel this will haunt me forever and I don’t want to live like that.
Thanks for listening and all advice will be welcomed.

written by Lula, 26 May, 2009

What ever your putting up with, what ever your going through, there will come a day when you just cannot take any more and you will walk.
I tried every way to make it work, I did everything I could, even turning a blind eye some times just to avoid the arguments. I took the blame for EVERY thing. Its taken me all this time to understand that he would rather blame me and lie and lose me than be honest.
We have now split, on the odd times he rings me he tells me he loves (loved) me but he cannot put up with my shit any more!!!
I now just agree with him, there is no wining, there is only his view point and his lies, nothing i have to say is of any value and it only gets turned around on to me.
But three days ago I walked, its not easy, but that day came when I knew there was no otehr way.
At some point the trigger goes off and you give in and stop fighting it, the pain does not stop, the question why does not go away. But you get peace of mind knowing you have done the right thing.You know your on the road to recover when you cannot be bothered to find out where he is or where hes been any more.

written by Brita7869, 30 May, 2009

I have known my bf for 7 years and dated him for 2. First I had a suspicion going on and I admit I checked his phone. What do I find?? Him telling a girl "So are we going to fu**?" and asking to meet up with her. His excuse "OH I was just joking around" Then I have found numerous photos on his computer and porn (which is fine w/me men will be men) What does he say? "Oh when I downloaded music they must have been attached" I found out hes been going yahoo chat and cybering with girls. He tells me "those are old" EVEN when I talked to the girls and they told me it was recent. Finally last night..i found he had been going on girls profiles on yahoo chat. I found his email password..and I admit I went into it. What did I find? drum roll please.......... Him emailing girls pictures of him and of his genitalia. AND he was asking girls on craigslist what their rates were AND he was on adultfriendfinder.com What was his excuse? "Those are old" Magically ALL of technology is out to get him and frame him. I know the emails werent old because he had emails from his college(he just decided to go back) were there and so day and time wise his stuff was accurate. He cannot admit what he did was wrong. Sadly I would be happier if he just would..

written by Stupid4alongtime, 09 June, 2009

I’ve been married for 9 yrs to a man I knew was cheating before I even married him (Found pics of him having sex with a married woman on a blanket I bought him for Christmas), anyway, I found those pictures a day after I found out I was preg with our first child...the lying the cheating..finding condoms that he says are someone elses...the phone calls he erases...my god it never ends. He will never tell me the truth he only gets mad and starts yelling and tries to turn it back on me. I wish I could get out...he makes triple what I make and we have a lot of bills..so much so I can’t breath. I have 4 kids now and he has moved us to a state 1000 miles away from my family, then last month his company moves him 700 miles away from us, for who knows how long, he said it could be permanently. I found out he has a "private" phone line...when I called it he answered...now it goes right to voice mail. He is scum..

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 12 June, 2009

This is a long story.

My boyfriend and I are still together and its been about a year and a half. One night (The week after Valentines Day) I was home alone doing some work for a job while he wanted to have "a night out with his friend Dave". I said okay since I know Dave is a great guy and they don’t cause trouble. I never had any suspicions or concerns of him cheating in the past. I logged on my computer and had an email from an old friend from high school. She said:
"Hey looks like your boyfriend is posting ads for sex on Craigslist. I didn’t do anything with him or have any intentions on it since I realized it was him."
I thought...this is just a spam junk email isn’t it! I clicked the link, it wasn’t. It was a fully detailed email about how hard he is, how he looks like a model and can "make you squirt". An erotic photo included. I was disgusted! This is MY boyfriend? The one who holds my hair back, the one who gets that spot I can’t reach to shave in the shower, the one who buys me dinner every night, the one who I was soon to be engaged to!?
Yes, it was...
I called him up to stop by before he goes out with "Dave". He did. I dragged him into my room and turned the laptop around revealing his ad. He was shocked, and began to cry. All I could keep saying was "Why! Why? WHY!?" I never got a real definite answer. But he did mention how- "I just wanted some sexual attention. I was curious. You made me upset last night and were being a bitch."
So that makes it ok to go find someone to have casual sex with!? *Drumroll please* I actually forgave him two days later. Why? Because I caught him and I know he had no intentions on cheating and never would. I’m an extremely attractive woman But still. I’m insecure, I snoop, I’m jealous, and I have emotions. It didn’t end just yet...
I found pictures and videos of my boyfriends *you know what* on his laptop one morning while snooping to make sure he wasn’t still posting those ads. About 5 pictures from his Macbook, and a video of im playing with *it*.
I confronted him AGAIN. And asked when it would stop?
He told me this time he "just likes to check his *stuff* out sometimes". So I said ok ok, its a guy thing?

Now, about 5 months later... I constantly worry if he still will do these things. HE considers it NOT CHEATING since he doesn’t touch another woman... I’m CONSTANTLY *who are you looking at?* *who are you texting?* *can I borrow your laptop for a bit?* *what took you so long?*
Am I the psycho one? Or am I a victim among a cheater, or soon-to-be-cheater ?

written by Simone., 07 July, 2009

It’s almost humorous having a man either continue to lie, or change his story after being presented with evidence. We’re just friends?! Oh puhleeez.

What was even more infuriating was the other woman joining in on the act, and trying to tell me I’m paranoid and crazy. She was actually indignant when I confronted her! Unbelievable. I’m sorry, but you DON’T flirt, organize date like situations, or weekends away behind my back and expect me to believe that crap.

Being treated like I have the IQ of an amoeba pisses me off.

written by the lies are unbelievable, 13 August, 2009

lies ive heard & denial responses
"im helping her with her son he needs advice" OKKKKKKKK
"shes giving me advice about our son" Eh what advice never heard any funny that
"we are just friends" whyd you talk to her secretly then on your secret mobile and why have you never mentioned her?
"im working away" sorry bank statement says you were in same city as her
best one i laughed out loud
i said if shes just a friend why dont you give her our land line theres no need to sneak about i dont mind you having female friends
REPLY LOL "i did offer her it but she said she didnt want to call the landline in case it upset you " ROFL that one cracked me up

written by gru, 23 August, 2009

one a liar...always a liar.....once a cheater...always a cheater.....you dont NEED to know WHY....it just is what it is...you can love them.( as agape love)...BUT..not be in any kind of a relationship with them...other than a distant friendship...only if their are children....keep it cool when around them...you will get thru this...its NOT you...its a character flaw IN THEM..you see it now....draw the line...dont let them step over it....there will be lies...told about YOU...dont respond...dont react...one step at a time...make a list...stick to it...dont listen to ANYTHING they say..please forgive me...it was only once..it meant nothing....i now realize i love you...etc....love yourself enough to exit this situation....forgive yourself for trusting the wrong person..its ok....remember...GOD MADE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE A HE DOESNT MAKE MISTAKES....NOW GET GOING...YOU HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL LIFE AHEAD OF YOU..

written by why, 03 September, 2009

just found husband’s "other" e-mail address – dumb sob left it up on the computer. Found his list of contacts – hundreds of women. Found e-mails of sex stories he’s sent to them (hope they’re stories and not remembrances of actual times together) – including pics of him masturbating. I caught him in a relationship 3 years ago – it had gone on for 9 months. He apologized, confessed (finally after 6 months of lies). We repaired the marriage and I thought it was stronger than ever. I can’t believe he fooled me again. We have been married for 9 years this Nov. We have 2 children – a 4 year old and a 5 MONTH OLD!!! I’m shaking uncontrollably. I just can’t believe he would do this to me again. Why me? Why can’t I be good enough for him?

written by GregL, 10 September, 2009

I found emails from my wife of 12 years to this guy that used to work in the same building as her a few years earlier. They had no reason to still be in contact with each other
I caught them at a lunch date and like the others above she still denies it. According to her I’m the one with issues and I shouldn’t have a problem with her sneaking behind my back to meet with other married men as they are "just friends". Yea right! tell that to our child that is going have his heart ripped out by not having both of us around.

written by another woman, 12 September, 2009

I ended an affair with a married man and his wife still doesn’t know. All he told her was that I started having feelings for him and that I told my husband about it. I love my husband more then anything and feel awful about the whole thing. Wish it never happened. Worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life. The wife knew I was friends with her husband but that’s it. I am just focusing on my life with my husband now and renewing our love. The other guy told me he had cheated before and was still in contact w/ her. Also that there was a gal he slept w/ that was pregnant and he eneded up having to to a DNA test to see if he was the father. All of course, w/out his wife knowing. I wish I could tell the wife, but I don’t feel it’s my place to do so. I looked up "serial cheater" its pretty interesting. I will never cheat again, I love my husband more then anything.

written by rebekah joe, 23 September, 2009

what i want to know is there any damn guys out there who do not cheat!!!!!!!!???????????? I have been married 10 years and my husband does nothing but lie ALL the time. He’s very manipulative i have read texts on his phone..........saying, i was thinking about you last night. Call me, i want to ask you something. It’s going to suck not getting to talk to you. etc.... I have called the #’s and no answer, ever. Have left messages and no call back??? I guess i know the truth.!! huh? Of course he would say we are just friends. BS! And says things like i deserve my privacy, like when i would talk about his phone and he use to write, just write in general? It was usually always about some woman!! Says he gets along better with women. HELLO! are you gay? I just can’t take the lies and of course he will not admit any of it. I caught him when we were separated 7 months with a pic. of another girl in his lap and he was always going to the bar and calling me at 2:00 am so he could get some. lol! It’s all the lies that has made me hate him and of course i do not trust him. I have worked so hard for 10 yrs. for everything we have. Yes me..... everything all by myself. He is also sooooooooooooooooooo selfish. And has NOT at all been responsible what so ever. And for sure has not contributed to this marriage or the life we have now which is not much. I am so tired of it!!! HELP!!!

written by Trish, 05 October, 2009

Hey, Girls & Guys, it looks like we all have the same sad story (what’s wrong with us? Why do we put up with such DRAMA?) I’ve been married for almost 38 years, the first 20 he used to see how many other women he could have, and keep me too, while I raised the kids. I thought he straightened up then here we go again I find out a couple of years ago he has the hots for someone at church and vice versa, then I tape him in his truck, and while he’s trying to convince me that I’m the greatest most wonderful woman and the only woman he’s ever loved, he’s still talking X Rated BS to women he works with. Well I finally pulled myself up by the bootstraps, and moved out and bought MY own house. Now he can’t get enough of ME, he wants to sell the home we lived in for 25 years and move in with me, because I’m just so great to him now (it’s not happening!!) Now I just use him when I get ready. The moral of the story is, some people make mistakes and get over them, some cheat and lie their entire life, and as long as a woman will look their way (and they will) they’re going to cheat and lie. I’ve taped conversations, and he still won’t admit anything, and I’ve come to the conclusion he never will. My advice to you all is to put a small voice recorder in their vehicle, and a gps, and don’t discuss anything you hear or see until you have all of the facts, because they will not admit it,and we’re left feeling like the fools while they’re still out playing games. Then LEAVE their 2 timing butts behind. But what I don’t get about all of these people, is if they need someone else so bad, Leave us to hell alone!!! Good Luck to you all!! I feel your pain.

written by leelee, 16 October, 2009

i was married to my hubby for 23yrs he turned 50 and started acting funny tracked phone records had an affair with a 35 y/o women police officer who was also married. he gave up everything, our two teenage kids are upset but we are all doing fine. we our divorced and the cop got her second divorce and now they are together. how do they sleep at night? how can a women cop cheat with another womens husband, ruthless!she has never had a kid and cant relate to family.

written by Kirk’s ex, 20 October, 2009

I was dating on/off a guy who presented himself one way but was really another way when in private or stressed. He wanted marriage to I decided to live with him to test our relationship – see if we could have a long term relationship. I was getting suspicious of his online activity, going out of town earlier than necessary for work, attending chatroom parties, bringing sex toys out of town and the last straw was knowing he brought Viagra out of town. When confronted he lied about everything, as cheater do – they are liars and cheaters. The part that really burns me is I paid his rent and utility bills when I moved in as they were about to be turned off – and he never told me prior to me moving in... and I paid his car repair bill of $520 so he could go to work out of town – where I later found out he cheats on me. He bought high heels for himself when he went out of town, brought Viagra and sex toys, and then lies about all of it – saying it was all for me when he got back to our town. Why would he need it away from me? His lies never made any sense and he is a worthless piece of shit who is broke and will never pay me back any of the money he owes me. I hate liars, cheaters and thieves and he is all of these, and more. He’s a cross dresser who smokes pot all day long and has no friends or family. Hopefully, he starves himself to death and nobody has to see his ugly face anymore.

written by EllaK, 28 October, 2009

Anyone else end up with an STD and still have husband lie that nothing is happening?

One tactic I found that helps "slow" the lies is to list what you know from your "evidence gathering" and state that you know it because you know HIM. Then you don’t have to give away any snooping (or the PI that you should hire when you know where and when they will meet). Thus, you still have evidence to pull, but you also have him shaking that you "know him so well" as to know all this.

It’s been two months since I found the truth thrown in my face, yet he still lies. Amazing. I am moving out in a month. Period.

The lies are the worst part, as someone said. Sex with someone else is disgusting, especially since I got her disease, but the ongoing lies are what killed any interest in reconciliation, not that he HAS any interest in reconciliation. But I suspect when I get half his pay in child support, he just may change his tune. Too late.

written by hayleyh, 02 December, 2009

i too can feel what you all are saying, i dont have the catch him in the act, but gps, voice recorder did that done that and still says they only talk, 300 at christmas spent on toys for her kids, voice recorded him sweet nothing her babe i fixed your car come on down,bad part is he was in my car. I worked 80 hours a week in our business while he got off work and went across town to spend time with her. Bad enough he tells me after 8 months of going in and out of different things she comes to the store to see me he says, for what? to show me that her new baby isnt his? what? i as the wife should not even be having a doubt of a marriage for 25 years, well christian family with a business grandchildren, financially set , should not be dealing with him messing with someone that looks like she fell of from some hay ride at halloween time. Pardon my opinion, but he says i did not do nothing wrong but if you feel it is wrong then i must be wrong. i moved out into one of our rentals 3 months ago and he keeps wanting me to move home.
He will not admit he has a affair but he does say they talked yeah right. fixed her car bought her kids gifts rode her around for a whole month instead of coming and helping his wife. my question is ] if i had did the same thing what would he of done?
we are both 45 been together 25 years and i think i am more hurt than anything else. i trusted him. my trust is gone and my respect for him is gone so what is left?

written by stevietowanda, 06 December, 2009

Here’s my situation. My wife saw a high school friend about 1 month ago, and they exchanged phone and facebook information. She got drunk one day and sent inappropriate messages to him via the cell phone a couple weeks later. (They didn’t see each other, they live 3 hours away.) I’ve learned how to hack her facebook account (without her knowing, to date), and have not found additional bad behavior. I confronted her on the texts previously mentioned, and she says, "I was stupid."

What concerns me is that she constantly keeps her phone on her since, she rarely leaves it unattended. I’ve had only 1 opportunity to check on it in the past month, and her call log was on the up&up on that one occasion.

Do you think it was a 1 time mistake vs. or should I be very concerned that she never leaves cell unattended.

written by Going through this again and don’t know what to do, 09 December, 2009

Ive been with my fiance for 2 1/2 years and just found out that less than a month ago that this woman gave him oral sex. Im so devastated i don’t know what to do.. My ex husband and an ex bf after that cheated on me and I thought that I didn’t hafta worry about that with my fiance cuz he swore up and down that he’d never do that to me. I was looking through his phone and seen some txts that he was sending to a friends gf saying stuff like ill be having sexual dreams about you and stuff like that. I called him on it and found out from the girl that he sent the texts to that she has no interest in him whatsoever and that shes sorry about the texts she was just joking around and doesn’t mean anything cuz when i looked at the messages he was saying most of the sexual stuff she didn’t say anything at all sexual. Anyway she told me to watch out for others. I asked her what she meant by that and she told me that he had told her that he let this woman give him oral sex and told her that I dont’ turn him on anymore and that I don’t do stuff like that to him anymore. Which is completely untrue cuz hes always the one thats tired or whatever and doesn’t want to have sex or anything. Well I asked him about the texts and text our bf asking if he knew the girl and that I heard that he might have messed around with this woman. Well he texted my fiance about it and my fiance called me the next day and yelled at me for looking through his phone making me feel totally bad, saying that nothings going on between him and her and nothing ever did and that it hurts that im accusing him of cheating and basically made me look like it was my fault. I want to start trusting him again but what do I do. The cheating is not as bad as him lieing to me about it. I told him that if something were to ever happen to just tell me the truth cuz I won’t leave as long as hes willing to work things out. He never did tell me why he was texting like that. Later that day I went with him to get a light bulb for our truck light and he gave me a hug saying "I still love you and that I have nothing to worry about and that he doesn’t want me to talk about it anymore" I want to still know why he was texting like that but im afraid that if i say anything he will get mad and ask me why im bringing it up again. My bff says that its just a repeat of my marriage to my ex husband. I just don’t understand y he won’t admit it. I mean if I dont’ turn him on anymore than y is he with me? My friend that told me all this said that she asked him and he said he didn’t know. Im thinking part of the reason hes staying with me is cuz I have 3 kids with my ex husband and my fiance is attached to them and hes afraid that ill leave him if i knew. I just want him to tell me the truth. My ex husband cheated on me and was wrong yes but at least he admitted it when I confronted him about it.

written by Not a cheater, 10 December, 2009

I’m a guy, and I have never cheated on anyone. However, I have observed quite a bit of cheating. Everyone knows that men and women thing differently, but I’ve come to my own conclusions.

Firstly, I think if a man and a woman can come together and be truly committed to each other that there is no natural relationship more powerful.

However, I think many men go into marriage because they don’t know what else to do. That’s what’s expected so that’s what they do. Also, men like the idea of ownership. They can have variety, but they’ll kill someone or even their own wives over cheating.

Once a woman is married she changes. It’s a totally natural change, but it also will lead the immature man into cheating. Many women are no longer spontaneous and care free after that wedding date. They think of higher things. And don’t let her have kids. It’s a very bad thing for a man to refer to his wife as the mother of his kids because he probably no longer thinks of her as his lover. The things that typically make a woman a good wife and life partner typically leads immature/non-committed guys to cheat. It’s not the wife’s fault. Some guys have an image in their minds of what a marriage is, and the wife thinks of a marriage as building a life with someone. The problem with an image is that sometimes there is no content behind the image. Men have ego’s and somehow you have to make them feel more important than everything, kids etc. Sometime being a wife is like the girl who gave her virginity to the boy next door, but now he won’t have anything else to do with her because she is no longer a virgin.

Unfortunately, it very easy to have an extra-marital affair because the second relationship is maintenance free. The cheater basically does not have to really attend to the needs of the person they are cheating with. If the person they are cheating with made the same demands as the spouse, it would be nearly impossible to cheat. The cheater can cheat because the cheatee will take whatever they can get without demands of exclusivity. The may want exclusivity, but they are willing to settle. Interesting enough some women get men to leave their wives to be later cheated on themselves. It seems they should have seen that coming! Cheaters only think of themselves. They only think about not getting caught. A committed person is committed in private as well as in public. I never fear my significant other checking my phone or reading my email.

In this day and age porn has a big influence over guys. Technology has mad it so that people do porn privately. They no longer have to go to shady place where they can possibly seen. Guy see all of these hot girls doing any and everything. Once that image is there he thinks that it is real and never realizes that those girls are getting paid to do everything. However, it has been said that every man desires for his wife to be a virgin in public and a whore in the bedroom. If your guy spends a lot of time in porn, there usually is something that he fantasizes about that his wife won’t do. I’m not suggesting that a wife should necessary fulfill all of her husband’s fantasies because some fantasies are just plain sick!

The reason that man guys stick to the lie is because he knows that man women really want to believe that their guy is not cheating. To find out that your guy is really cheating is to say that your life is based on a lie. No one wants there reality to be different from what they thought it was. A guy will repeat the lie so much that the woman will eventually think that she’s going loony. I will never advice anyone to get a divorce unless they are being physically abused. However, if you don’t have the truth you don’t have anything. Like I said above, our reality is based on what we consider to be the truth. True reconciliation and restoration cannot happen until the truth comes out and the offending party freely admits to the truth and agrees not to do it again. Even if a person admits to the truth and restoration is actually achieve, trust comes with time. The offender needs to go a significant amount of time without cheating, and he/she should allow open access to their schedule and electronic devices to help the spouse rebuild trust. If the person cannot admit to the truth, walk away from them because without know the truth, you don’t know what your reality is.

Just a few observations. I hope this helps someone. I heart goes out to all of you struggling with cheaters.

written by EllaK, 14 December, 2009

Well, now hubs wants to work it out, or try to? Won’t tell me about the affair, but knows I know for certain. Won’t apologize. Won’t tell me it’s over even but thinks everything can be swept under the rug, I guess. To me, the lack of admission is just a hint that this will happen again.

I do love him. I do want to be a family. But I don’t see how that is possible if he won’t admit and apologize. Not to mention, I await my 6 month HIV test. Lucky me.

Seriously, do these folks who cheat never think about the life threatening risk that is these days?

written by Going through this again and don’t know what to do, 22 December, 2009

I agree with you on that Ella. It just seems that these cheaters don’t really think about the risk they are taking when they cheat with someone that may or may not have an STD. I hope everything turns out for you ella. I know im on edge too hoeing that I dont’ have anything. My fiance still won’t admit what he did. I dont’ know if he ever will but im sure the truth will come out. Hes been sick for about 2 wks now. I have karma on my side as im sure some or all of you who have been cheated on do to. My ex husband cheated on me and after he left me his life went downhill from there. He doesn’t have a job, lives with his gf’s mother, is on oxygen and is in poor health. So karma works her magic to those who do us wrong. Im not saying that im glad that my ex husband is in poor health or that my fiance has been sick but hey, when you do wrong, you get punished. My fiance hasn’t been acting weird or anything since I called him on txting another woman sexual stuff. I look at his phone when hes not around yet and haven’t seen any contact with the woman that gave him oral sex or any other woman I dont’ know. Hes not even txting sexual to the woman who is now my friend. Things are going good for now. Have the woman’s phone number that gave him oral sex and im not sure what to do with it. Want to call her and ask her why but don’t want it to get back to me. My fiance doesn’t have any sisters and im just not sure how to go about it without it getting back to me. Any suggestions?

written by ellak, 27 December, 2009

Hi:

There’s no way to ask her and not have it come back on you, or that’s my opinion. Things I didn’t even do came back on me. She was found out at work and coworkers said that I yes me had pictures of them. Ya right. As if...she talked about her affair, so of course someone said something. She took trips with hubs, so pics exist, so I’ll guess someone just had some fun with her, which bit me hard. Hang on to your evidence, don’t let on or he’ll get better at hiding stuff, and wait to see what you really want to do.

I have learned that quiet and kind do wonders if you want to reconcile. Or read Dobson’s _Tough Love_ and be done with him. It was when I accepted the end of my marriage that he started coming around and "courting" me with gifts and thoughtfulness.

For me, reconciling is what we are trying to do (shocking to me at this point to be truthful) because we have two young children. I will not stay with him if he won’t be honest and tell me the truth, the WHOLE truth, and I have learned this isn’t the first time So I will try because of my kids but won’t stay for them. That’s a terrible burden to put on them and a real sell out for me.

If you aren’t married and he’s doing this, run for the hills, imo. I now look back and see signs from before we were married, but then I see signs of everything now. So not sure how real some stuff is since I’m rather paranoid. But I wish I’d honored my instincts and ditched the wedding.

We are currently gliding through the holidays and then I will pull out the heavy questions and demands for truth or I’m done. I love him so much, we are married, we have kids, we have years of history, but I will not live this way: wondering where he is and who he’s inside anymore. For now, this recent one is "gone" whatever that means.

If my hubs comes around and grows up, maybe we have a chance. I am turning this one over to God (faith is important to me) and trusting His guidance. For now, He wants me to sit quietly and watch/wait for what happens within hubs, whether he decides to be a man or continue to be a scumball.

Anyway, I’m sorry about what you are dealing with...everyone. And I pray you find answers. I agree...sisters would help (none here either).

written by Going through this again and don’t know what to do, 28 December, 2009

Well my 3 yr old was playing with my fiance’s phone last night.. started pushing buttons and when I grabbed the phone from her i seen a txt from a person who said "I wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you very much" Well I seen the number that txt him that. I called my best friend and she said I should confront him about it. Well I did and at first he says I dont’ hafta tell you shit! Then he goes to leave and I say well you shouldn’t leave your phone where the 3 yr old can get at and hes like well who was it that sent me that txt and im like its was just a number and he made this big lie up about how his phone’s visibility picks up txts that other ppl send to each other in the area. Well I txted this person and asked what was going on between them and she at first trys to tell me that she doesn’t know him then basically gives me a run around about stuff then finally admits that they did do stuff together and the last time was months ago. I was txting the one that he used to talk sexual too about it and she says that its the one that gave him oral sex. Well that really ticked me off so now hes like I need time to think cuz im tired of being accused of cheating and blah, blah, blah... She even txted him and told him that I had been txting her... she says shes not scared but yet shes txting him and whining to him about me txting her... Well here I go again...

written by Woman Scorned, 03 January, 2010

I have been with my husband for 18 years since we were both freshmen in college. We started our relationship as teenagers and had a hard time developing it into an adult relationship. But we tried our best. We have four beautiful little boys and we were excited to spend the rest of our lives together raising our family as best as we could. Evidently, he changed his mind. He has a friend at work that he insists is only a friend, but there is evidence that they have been meeting each other after work for drinks. He has never told me about this. When he told me 2 months ago that he was unhappy and thought we might be happier apart, this was the same time that she told her husband to get out of the house because she wanted a divorce. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time and worked so hard to try and fix our marital problems. But, I guess he couldn’t stop seeing her because I eventually found them talking in her car when he insisted he was out buying Christmas presents for me. Jerk. I kicked him out of the house and I no longer speak to him. I have recently found out that he has been meeting her for drinks for a couple of years (never told me) and there was an "incident" where a couple of employees were found having sex in their building after hours by a security guard but the names were never reported. I have four boys under the age of 10 and this jerk has been cheating on me for at least 2 years. I trusted him completely and never questioned when he told me he was working late because he is an attorney and that is a normal practice. I continue to be shocked by how he took advantage of my trust and want to kick his a## whenever I see him. I don’t want him in my life anymore and I hope karma comes around to bite him in the crotch. Ladies-I NEVER thought my husband was capable of this. I laughed at women on Oprah who said they didn’t think their husbands were capable of cheating. I was so sure my guy was so good and such a family man. He would never cheat. Bullcrap. They are all men and have fidelity issues. If you found one that can voice his concerns before he strays, good for you. Keep him happy. Otherwise, hire a private detective and catch his cheating ass before he ruins any more of your life. You deserve better and I hope you take him for all he is worth. That is certainly my plan. Women – do not sit back and take it like you always have. You have more worth than that. Stand up for yourself and make him respect you. It is not too late. You can do whatever you want and life is not over for you if you leave him. I am a stay-at-home mom with no income depending on a fricking attorney for my support. F him. Take him for all he is worth and move on. Do what you always wanted to do and don’t look back. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Good luck and I hope your life is what you always dreamed it would be.

written by ellak, 04 January, 2010

Well, all the nice seems to have been a lie Found a receipt for her Christmas gift (for certain). Feel like a moron for believing him when he said (I asked) if it was over. "Promise?" I asked. "Yes."

What does he want? 1. to time the divorce somehow? 2. to have both of us? 3. to just screw up my head?

written by Still Trying to catch the Pig oh wait (COP), 08 January, 2010

I was looking online to see ways to catch my husband cheating on me. I have no trust in him and have not caught him just yet. I met him on an online chat room in Yahoo Uk site. something he said to me caught my eye dont remember what it was. I ended up giving my phone number after a few weeks of talking to him. Oh how I fell for him he told me what I wanted to hear. He lived in Northern Ireland and I lived in USA. So a bit of distance between us. Well we ended up talking he told me he loved me. I went to Northern Ireland to meet him and fell for him even more. He ended up asking me to Merry him and gave me a ring when I was over for the fist meet. I said yes. That was in oct 2008 He ended up coming to meet my family and my kids for thanksgiving and went back home he made a great impression on my family they loved him. We were away for christmas was lonely with out him but we ended up getting a visa and he wanted me to come live in Northern Ireland moved me and kids here and it was great well my laptop was not working so dug his out and noticed weird things on it. He was talking to other woman and saying the same stuff to them as me and we were married 1 month then OMG I was upset just moved to a different country gave up my live and everything for him. I confronted him about it and He said it was the past to get over it more or less. Our relationship has been nothing but non trusting
We were drinking one night he struck me a few times and it started into hitting me more. Well I finally got fed up with it and left him went back to Usa. Well he talked me into coming home said he was sorry well I came home found he been talking to woman once again OMG 1 time shame on me for being so stupid 2nd time OMFG what am I doing with this man. There will not be a 3ed time. He is a Northern Ireland cop and work odd hours already and it seems like he works a heck of a lot of hours friday night even know hes been there since 6 am. and working saturdays. He is a very controlling man and needs to be in charge of everything. I dont know if that comes with just being a cop or what. I just want to catch him and just go home.Any suggestions to catch him with no money..???

written by Mike2010, 14 January, 2010

It’s a bit strange for me to post here for two reasons:

1. It was I who betrayed the trust of the one person I love the most
2. I’m a gay man. I haven’t seen a same-sex story posted.

A year ago, my bf and I were having problems. We were both busy. He thought I wasn’t fulfilling my obligations around the house. I thought he wasn’t providing emotional support. He seemed detached, judgmental, and was not providing validation. I made the mistake of feeling unable to communicate with him. On a trip, I met someone. I was feeling vulnerable. This guy seemed vulnerable too. He gave me this story… I believed him. I wanted a friendship… an emotional connection with someone. To make a long story short, what happened were two things I told myself I’d never do: a one-night-stand and infidelity. Now, I cannot fathom now the thinking process that led to all this. It’s too painful. I betrayed myself, my own morality, and my man. Regardless of people’s flaws in a relationship, no one should be subjected to infidelity. What’s’ worse, as predicted by all your stories, I lied about it—even after he said he had proof. Beyond the infidelity, the lies further destroy the trust from which relationships are built upon. It shattered his trust in me. I fractured the relationship. Much pain and drama ensued. My boyfriend stuck around. And it took heart-wrenching months to rebuild a trust. After all is said and done, the loss of trust is the real victim. I wouldn’t want to live with someone whose friendships, trips, phone calls, texts, and emails raised suspicions. The quality of our relationship changed of course. But we remained together. And I shall be forever thankful that he managed to see beyond the mistakes and see how much I love him and how special our relationship was. 2009 was a tough year.

And I realized that not repeating a mistake and forgiving did not address the issues that preceded those awful times and that contributed to them. And if the issues are not dealt with, you will carry them wherever you go and whom ever you’re with. Running away within or from a relationship to be with someone else only perpetuates the problems that exist now.

It all comes down to this: Communication, transparency, honesty!!!

It is so important, so crucial to a long lasting relationship that honesty be present and encouraged from the onset. Nobody is perfect; we all have our flaws and our insecurities. I think it is paramount that you disclose to your prospective life partner what these flaws and insecurities are. It might not make you look as strong, as confident and as attractive overall, but it sure beats looking like a lying SOB. And for the other partner, don’t be as judgmental; try to understand that he or she is trying to tell you something. Needs and flaws can be worked within the framework of a relationship before any wrong steps are made.

Whether straight or gay, man or woman, young or old, love is a two-way need. Cherish it. Don’t take it for granted. I’ve paid with much grief for not taking this advice.

written by going through this again and don’t know what to do, 14 January, 2010

Well fiance and I got into an argument today. He says he wants to postpone the wedding by 6 months to a year! WTF! I don’t understand. He’s NOT the same man I fell in love with at all. He says that I need to change things about myself and act a certain way. He acts like he’s a big shot all the time and he needs to change some things. 3 of my friends say I should dump him and get it over with. I love him too much to do that. I just wish I knew what the underlying issue is. Why he’s acting like this? Its like he’s fine for awhile then about a wk or 2 later he gets all upset and we argue about something. He says he’s not ready to get married now and i don’t know if I want to marry him anymore. I’m just so tired of trying to work things out. It seems like he’s the one who starts the arguments but yet I’m the one that has to change things?! Yeah right!!! Any suggestions would be helpful because I don’t know how to get him to understand and COMMUNICATE. That’s another issue, we don’t communicate that much and I’m starting to think that hes making excuses now. My dad thinks I should give him the ring back maybe that would shake him up a bit. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. Waiting for him to call me and talk things out once again.

written by Strength from within, 23 January, 2010

I thought I would never be a victim of infidelity, but I am. For all of you women/men out there that make the choice to get "friendly" in any fashion with a married man/woman you have “consciously” made a very bad and ruthless decision. I firmly believe in karma: therefore you will live your life alone and if you ever get involved with someone that is not attached, then I pray that this person does onto you what you have done onto others. The pain is more painful than the death of a family member, it changes your life forever! Men have and will always be vulnerable, women are emotional, and then you add the fact that one of the people involved in this "friendship" is married, it’s only a disaster waiting to happen. For all the victims of a cheating spouse, if you thinks its happening then it is, purchase a GPS tracking devise, hide it in their car and you will certainly find all the info you needed. If you do not have money to purchase this devise, then follow them, you will find the truth. I tracked my husband on and off for three years and then when I had enough proof I confronted him and the truth came out. 23 years together (10 married), what god has brought together let no man or woman separate!

written by needing some understanding, 24 January, 2010

I hope this will help me!! My husband and I are both in the military. About a year and half ago my husband left to spend a year in Afghanistan. To make a long story a little shorter he started an affair with a woman. I found out the day after my birthday (my birthday is in Aug) and a week before he was to return home. I found out by looking for an email in his account. I usually don’t go into his email account but I needed the email and I couldn’t contact him at the time. So, I went in his email account and there it was!! They made plans to met each other when he touched down in the US. Because I am also in the military I was unable to meet him when he first touched down. She had left the area before he did. They had it mapped out. He told his friends that a lady friend would be coming to visit him. He said he would not be able to hang out with them until she left because they needed to get some much need alone time. In his words "they were going to spend the whole day in the hotel room"(By the way she too is married)I waited a whole 4 days before sending a mass email to him and his friends that his "wife now knows of the plans and he may stay where he was and that he wasn’t welcomed at home anymore!!" I wish I could say that was the end but is wasn’t.. the emails and phone calls came and I took him back!!! I took emergency leave from work to see him ASAP to insure he understood where I stood and how i felt. after the talk I asked him to stop seeing her and end all communication...In my words "stop talking to her right now!! don’t say a word. she should wonder if you fell off the face of the earth!!" Well about 2 weeks ago I found out that they were talking again.... I am so mad but I don’t know what I want to do.. he says all the right things.. he is so good with his mouth!! What hurts the most is this time I found emails from him to her saying "how much he miss’s her, how much she is on his mind, and that he LOVES HER!!!" LOVES HER, LOVES HER.. (one of the emails was dated 2 day before our annvir...) that is all i can see... LOVES HER.... who is he lieing to me or her? do I care! HELP ME!

I have turn off his phone, i log onto his email accounts that he knows I know about and the ones he doesn’t.. I don’t even know what I am looking for?? Is it the way out? Or a way to stay?

written by going through this again and don’t know what to do, 24 January, 2010

Well my fiance and I are still together. And I thought things were going good, no worries, no problems. Until last night when again I looked through his phone(I can’t resist) I seen that the woman that says she had oral sex with him was texting him, AGAIN! I dont’ know what to do about this woman. But the kicker is and im going through the same situation as you are needing some understanding because I seen a text that she sent him that said " Just wanted to tell you that Im thinking about you and that I love you very much" didn’t see any response back from him to her on that but there was one before from her that said " text me when you can I love you" and I seen the response from him that said " I will love u 2" LOVE U 2, LOVE U 2???!!!! Im thinking the same thing as you are needing some understanding. Is he lieing to me or her? Plus today I was looking at his phone to see who hes been calling and whos been calling him, I seen someone had called him from his house phone!!! Who would be calling from his house? Don’t know but im not too happy. I don’t want to confront him yet thou because when I get enough money im getting the cell phone spy thing because I can very rarely check his phone and half the time when I do get a chance he has erased most of the evidence. Hopefully the truth will come out soon. And someone said that they believe in karma, i do to.

written by turned out to be the side joint, 17 February, 2010

I had been dating this man off and on for the past 3 years. I loved him so much! We had a rocky relationship but the one thing I felt I could always depend on was him being honest because we had made an agreement when we first met that we would always be honest even if it hurts the other person. And he did that! When we got mad with each other and stopped talking for a few days, he would always come to me and tell me what he had done in that time, which always consisted of sleeping with someone else, but I respected him because he was honest with me about it. Well, one of those times he ends up getting this girl pregnant. He tells me and naturally I am upset because we’re a year and a half in and I never expected it. Well I sever all ties with him for a few months and then he starts calling and texting again claiming that he loves me and that he wants to be with me and work things out (he did this about 4 times after I found out she was pregnant), even though he decided that he is going to allow her to move in with him for the "baby". Each time I relent and allow him to come back because I loved and missed him to. So last week he does the same thing and he comes over and brings the baby who is 10 months old. I ask him yet again (for the 50th time) "what’s going on with you and her" and he replies, "we not together, we living together for the baby, I’m doing what I gotta do and she doing what she gotta do!" Well I conducted my version of an investigation and I found out that he was MARRIED! That he had up and married the girl, and has been married for a year and never breathed a word of it to me! Well I confronted him, changed my number and took his out of my phone. I also told the girl/wife because I wanted her to know he’s scum! He of course lied like the dog he is when she confronted him and she was confused and didn’t know who to believe because they’ve encountered similar situations before since they’d been married (even bigger dog)I told her I understood if she didn’t believe me but to be mindful to stay 2 steps ahead of him in the future! I agree with the ladies above! If you find out that your man is cheating GET OUT, NEVER LOOK BACK! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! And when they realize that you let them slide, they are just going to do it again! I believe there are good men out there but you have to really dig for them!

written by CDean, 18 February, 2010

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. When we first started dating I heard from many people in the office that he is a big time player and he has had several relationships within the office. I decided to form my own opinion of him so I gave him a shot. When he asked me to be his "girlfriend" everyone was shocked because apparently he doesn’t do "committed relationships" as I was told. Anyways Things were great for a few months until he broke up with me right around the 2 month mark. It has been rumored that he "test runs" a girl for two months and then gets rid of them and moves on to new and fresh meat. So right then and there my trust for him started to disintegrate. Needless to say however, We got back together several weeks later but I always felt as though he could very easily walk out again. Now 11 months of being together things have been good but when I went away on vacation with my family I came back to non stop questioning regarding pictures, texts and the works. I have never and would never cheat on ANYONE. And none of my pictures or texts contained anything worth being jealous over. But he was making it as though he suspected I was hiding something. His suspicions however just made me think he might be guilty and trying to blame me for something he himself was guilty of. After several discussions we decided to put the past behind us and work on our future. But lately I feel as though he has been very shady. He Tells me he’s one place and makes up a whole story to go with it meanwhile I saw him with his friend at the gym. I can’t help but think if you feel the need to lie about not being in the mood to go to work and instead would rather hang out with your friends what else could you possibly be lying about. It’s not that big of a deal and it’s not like I’d be mad at him for going out with his friends. But another time We were laying in bed one day and his phone rang and he answered it. The conversation was short and pretty much all of what he said revolved around him explaining to the person on the other line that he would call them back in half an hour. Then he got up to "shower" he took his cell phone with him turned the water on but unbeknownst to him i heard him talking over the running water. It made the whole situation VERY shady as though he were hiding a lot from me. I Confronted him saying I know he lied and i dont care what the lie was about. He swore up and down left and right that he did not lie and has never lied to me and that I should check the integrity of my sources before I start blaming him for things meanwhile I saw him with my own two eyes. Now lately he’s always going out to lunch with his cousins or male friends and just tonight he’s having a "man night". He, in the year that I have known him, has NEVER had a mans night and I’ve always been invited over to his friends house to play video games with all of his friends. His reason is because he doesnt hang out with his friends enough but meanwhile EVERY day he’s telling me he’s out to lunch with them. And now I just feel like he’s hiding something from me and it’s bad enough as it is because I do not trust him for beans and he is aware of my trust issues but he is doing nothing to reassure me of our relationship instead he is only becoming more and more shady as days go by. I don’t know what to do. I do not want to lose him as a part of my life but I don’t want to be played for a fool. I Don’t have any hard evidence of him doing anything wrong other then a small lie about going to the gym instead of work. But that’s not something to get all mad and worked up about since nearly everyone lies at least once to someone they love about something small and minor. But I just feel as though there’s something suspicious in his behaviors and that he has something to hide from me. He has only been behaving like this for the past month or so since I have been home from vacation. It bothers me and I don’t know how to handle the situation.

written by Phindile, 19 February, 2010

Reading most comments above brought a sense of relief as I realise that what I am going through happens to other people. I have been married for 5 years to the most wonderful husband (as described by others). I must say he was the most wonderful according to my standards until I realised that he was cheating. He took me out on holiday just to leave me in the guest house while he was out with his golf buddies (thank God I had the nerve to leave him and drove back more than 700KM back home leaving him to enjoy with his friends. This incident opened my eyes to the fact that he might be cheating; of which I proved by checking his phone and found that he had three girls that he called daily one after the another. He could n’t explain who these girls are other than to throw it back to my face by saying that they are business partners (being a woman I did not challenge further knowing that he just brushes me off). Being from a black culture that a woman does not leave her husband, I stayed to try and make it work. A year later I had a strong feeling that he is cheating, once again being unethical, I checked his phone records. Without searching or even scrolling a lot on his phone, I found that he has more calls and messages from Johan and Johnny. For God’s sake he does not have a friend or business partner by the name of Johan or Johnny (clear cut clue). Believe it or not, Johnny and Johan are male names but the voices on the other side of the line are girls’ (note: not women’s voices but young girls voices). What more of a proof did I need.

Believe it or not;; men know when they are caught, even if you do not give any clues (he became extra caring and very nice). A week later I confronted him and he did not agree nor deny he just said "YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO". Obviously the blame will be reversed and thrown back to me; as I was told that I am trying to cover up the fact that I signed for my brother’s car finance without his knowledge (my deed is very wrong and cannot be justified but does not call for extra marital affair). In anyway we both knew that his affairs started long before then.

I cried, packed my clothes but did not leave him (clothes packed back to the closet by the helper). To cut the story short, my not leaving does not mean I am staying, I just need to leave with a clear mind and proper planning of at least four weeks (to find a decent place to stay). I really can’t stay after finding out the second time around while I have a 20 months old girl and five months pregnant.

A CHEATER WILL ALWAYS BE A CHEATER! NOT WORTH MY LOVE AND RESPECT. not in these days of AIDS. No reason is good enough for anybody to cheat. If you are not happy with your partner rather break up than to cheat on her or him. If you strongly feel that you man is cheating 100/100 he is cheating.

I refuse to hate men just because most of them cheat, there are a few good men out there and the ladies that have them.... take care and love your man. TRUST HIM FOR AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY REASON TO DOUBT HIM.

written by Moondragon, 22 February, 2010

LADIES!!!
Please take stock in my 20 years of experience!! If they cheat once and you take them back, they will continue to do it!! I found out my husband was having an online affair. I took him back. He had another affair when he was out of town WORKING SO HARD FOR HIS FAMILY. I took him back--begged him to stay even. believed him when he said the affair was all my fault. We had another baby, bought a big house. I thought he had changed his ways for good. NOPE. just uncovered yet another affair that he is laying the blame on me for. this time he moved into the same apartment complex with her. I got wise. I boxed up all his shit and gave it to him. This time I have a good attorney. Get wise my sistas! they lie and cheat because they CAN. and then they tell you it is YOUR FAULT!

written by with a loser and I know it but don’t leave, 15 March, 2010

My husband of 17 years has been cheating again. This isn’t the only blow to our marriage. He has been accused of molesting a 12 year old when he was 17 over the course of 6 years (she was 6 he was 12 when it allegedly started). A letter was sent to every person in my neighborhood saying he is a child molester when this person found out that I was pregnant. He has been reported to the police for sexually harassing a woman and police reports filed. He has been in a relationship with a woman at work for months and he didn’t hide anything on his phone, there are months and months of phone records. He downloads porn and nude pictures to his computer all the time. He is addicted to this deviant sex life style, but denies it all. He says everyone is lying, the women accusing him, the police and AT&T included. He says he loves me and our daughter, but he can’t stop and keeps getting caught in lies. He says I am insecure and have low self-esteem and that he hasn’t done anything wrong. He never wants to have sex with me and I am willing and in shape and attractive, yet he seeks all attention and sex-related things outside of our marriage and still I stay. I have the money to leave, I am the bread winner, yet I stay. I don’t understand why I don’t leave. I am almost 40 now and never wanted this to happen. Wanted to be happy, married, give my daughter the best and yet I stay with this lying loser who manipulates me, verbally abuses me, lies to me every single day and humiliates me. I have stayed with him through some really bad stuff and we have been to counseling. Marriage counseling over and over. I am in counseling on my own and taking anti-depressants. He has ruined my life. My friends and family avoid me now, no one plays with my child anymore. I am so upset with myself that I have let him do this to me.

written by come to our senses, 20 March, 2010

I am in the same situation. My husband has cheated on my throughout our 20 year marriage. Throughout our marriage there were signs. He would take 8 hours to play golf, not answer his cell phone, night fish, you know girls we know when our man is lying. Even the good liars even when we believe the lie deep down our gut we know something isn’t right with this bull he is feeding me. Then our men convince us we are insecure, crazy, etc.. we grow more and more crazy because we know what is going on. My husband said to me quit accusing me of cheating I am not cheating now. I asked him how do I know that and he says because I am telling you the truth now. After 20 years of him lying to me and telling me the lies were the truth and I believed him now his word is suppose to be good enough?!
Where are all the articles on men telling their stories of their wives cheating on them. Where are all the men talking about my woman continues to lie to me and i still love her. All men cheat.. all men are the same they cheat because they are not getting what they need in the marriage. WOMEN ARE NOT GETTING WHAT THEY NEED EITHER so why don’t we move on. STOP TAKING THE SORRY BUY BACK. The part of "love" that works for us women is never recovered once the man isn’t intrigued by us. He will never court you again that feeling we are all trying to get back will only be found by a new relationship. there is no fixing a relationship there is only getting back to a place that doesn’t make us cry every day a place that is bearable. I am sad all the time and I finally realized that men should be disposable. Men don’t love us they are selfish and need sex. The wife at home is stability not excitement not his passion not his life his everything and she never will be. Men become our everything, our life, they do not share in this belief. Once he cheats on you and never respects you again and the feeling he once gave you is lost forever because he will never feel the same way about you again. I am divorcing my husband before I go completely insane trying to "fix" our marriage.

written by Come together, 20 March, 2010

Why do we care so much about men cheating? What are the odds any one of us will find true love with a man that is so in love with us that he will never cheat? Zero.

There is no chance of that. There are good men out there hell they are all good men until they cheat!

Why are there so many women willing to cheat with our husbands? Why women jump into bed with men they either know is married or don’t even know well enough to know he is married. If there were no women willing to have sex anywhere anytime with anyone if we all made the men wine, dine, connect, and treasure us before we had sex with them there would be a lot less cheating going on. Men are more like women then they want to admit. Men also want to be wined, dined, appreciated, treasured, desired. The jolt from attraction is felt by both men and women. Men and women crave, need and enjoy it. But that jolt is fleeting and is lighting it never strikes in the same place twice. So once it hits we need to realize it is over just as quickly as it began and move on to a new location. Once you find a man that provides for you, is a good father, and continues to treat you with the utmost respect, love and shows his love for you don’t worry about whether he is cheating or not. When he stops being the same person leave. If you suspect he is cheating because he starts treating you differently guaranteed he is cheating and your marriage is over.
Get out immediately... He will never get over you and will always respect you. But be assured his next girlfriend or wife will be the next one he cheats on. The next woman is not going to get what you think he refused to give you. No man loves any woman more than he loves or needs or wants dirty forbidden sex. marriage and the wife actually make cheating more enjoyable than single man sex.

written by good company, 23 March, 2010

Take heart ladies you’re in good company and you didn’t have to win an Oscar to have something in common with Sandra and Kate.
I think our former first lady did every woman in this country a major disservice with her "standby your man BS." It made all cheating @@@ in this country think they can cheat and get away with it, even if they get caught.
I caught mine redhanded. The cheating wasn’t as bad the lies and the generally crappy treatment. I threatened to tell the husband of the girlfriend and she threw him under the bus. Spilled her guts.
It’s not worth it. I’m moving across the country to make sure there’s no second time. My life is about ME now. It’s scary but I feel so much better about myself. I don’t have to worry about what he’s doing because what I’M doing is so much more important.

written by very bad things..., 02 April, 2010

My wife and I were together for 14 years, married the last 4 years. She cheated on me before, but many years ago when we first were dating/living together. She started a relationship with a guy from her work, while I was working two jobs to help dig us out of a financial mess. We had a brand new baby (he was only 4 months old when she started the affair. To this day, she shows no remorse, and I just divorced her a few months ago. I threw her out 10 months ago. She’s a different person, and I don’t even like her. All I have to cling to is the memory of our life together, and how wonderful it was. We used to travel a lot, and truly enjoyed each other for many years. She tries now to change our history together, and make me out to be some kind of bad guy (they call it ‘demonizing’ the faithful spouse). I have not cheated on her, or mistreated her badly in any way. I bought her a car, a great home, and always tried to be attentive to her feelings and needs as best I could. Once the going got a little tough, she didn’t even lift a finger to try to make our marriage better – just found someone else, cheated, and then lied her a$$ off about it, even after I had CONCRETE proof! Unreal. Don’t waste your life trying to change a cheater, people – that goes for men AND women. Unless they demonstrate a very real, hard working, and determined approach to changing THEMSELVES (i.e. – going to counseling for a LONG time, and working the issues, not just talking about them), then RUN RUN RUN!!! Unless they are DOING the hard work and the HEAVY LIFTING to fix your relationship, then just leave. Cheaters must be COMPLETELY committed, and completely transparent (so that they will talk to you anytime, anyplace), then MAYBE there’s a chance... If not, then they are surely LYING TO YOU< AND WILL DO IT TO YOU AGAIN, 100% GUARANTEED!!!! Be strong, and GET OUT NOW. Good Luck, and God bless you for the pain you’re suffering. I am a stronger man for having been through this, even though I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Good luck! Love yourself, and your kids if you have them.

written by eartbroken, 10 April, 2010

I have been with my bf for about a year and we live together. We always had a great connection, great sex and did everything together. He knew my past about other men cheating on me, and always promised that he would never cheat or hurt me. After we moved in together, he started to become very distant. Sex was less frequent, as well as communication. I work, go to school, and try to make him happy as well. I tried for 2 months to talk to him and open up to me. Just recently we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and he received back to back text messages on his phone. After the 4th or 5th message i questioned him who it was. He said his friend Steve, planning what they were going to do tomorrow. I trust him for the most part, but still had an unsure feeling. We finished the movie and he went to bed, with his phone just sitting their staring at me. I couldn’t help but look, and what I saw was everything i didn’t want to see. It was an unfamiliar number with texts saying "I love you", I miss you, when can i see you again?, why are you ignoring me, etc.. I woke him up and questioned him about it. He said she was just a friend, and they just had lunch together. I was so angry and devastated that I threw the phone and it shattered against the wall. Stupid thing to do, because i lost her number, and reacted before i could check the outbox to see what he had said back to her. I left went to a friends, and told him i didn’t believe him and that I was leaving. A few days later, after talking to one of his friends, caught him in the lie, that it was "just lunch", I kicked him out of the house and eventually moved out as well. He keeps denying that he ever cheated, though there is also a hotel on our bank statement. He claims when he visited his friend, that he accidentally locked him out, and was forced to rent a hotel room. Does this guy actually think I’m that stupid? The saddest thing thing is that i really loved him, and for the past 2 months, aside from crying alot, I just feel lost, empty, betrayed and hurt. I know i need to move on, and I’m trying really hard. After he left, he has made no effort in trying to contact me, or take any responsibility for all of this. It has bee so hard to move on, because I truly don’t know the "truth". Whether he slept with her or not, he lied, a few times. I feel I am the only one who has put any work into this, at least with communication. He just avoids, ignores and won’t put any effort into this. i feel used, and by his non-actions, makes me feel like a fool, and intensely hurts me, because it makes me feel like he just never even cared at all. My friends and family say, i got off easy, its better to know now, before we were married, or their were kids involved. I think cheaters are mean, selfish, cowards, who never appreciate what they have, and have no consideration to how their actions are going to effect other people. For the person being cheated on, this kind of behavior is devastating!

written by expert in broken heart, 15 April, 2010

I will tell you women one thing to think about all the signs were there my man was cheating, spending less time at home, going without sex, starting fights, non affectionate, calling me crazy for my accusations, and so on and so on, I had the gut feeling and everything but could not prove it to save my life, no women calling his phone no late night phone calls no disturbing voice mails or text messages WHY LADIES because the no good MAN had another prepaid cell phone that he was hiding from me. Good thing the loser was stupid enough to log the other number in his contacts to the cell phone I knew about and I found the number and sure enough I found the phone and all the whores he was calling with the phone. Once a man is cheating they change their routine up all together so don’t ignore these changes. Men will give you big hints and don’t even know it, so ladies always trust your gut. As soon as I found out about everything the cheating stopped but as long as I could not prove it he would have continued and continued to call me crazy. Ladies

written by They’re all losers.. some more than others, 27 April, 2010

All I’m going to say is, why are all these stories exactly the same. I’m going through it myself. All the signs, all the evidence, lies, charades. I’m getting a divorce. I’m getting it though. I’ve accepted that it’s in mens biological, psychological blue print to be with multiple partners sexually. I truly believe this, but cannot accept this. Maybe they’ll connect with one woman more emotionally than the others though *the main squeeze, the KEEPER, the ONE*. That "have their cake and eat it too" syndrome. The messed up thing about that is, women are complete opposite and naturally, biologically inclined to have, want, and concentrate on a single partner. Society in U.S.A. and many cultures commit couples to being monogamous and for most men, this is just a a huge challenge. I’m surely not saying I’d permit my husbands affairs, but that it seems so damn epidemic for men to cheat that it’s almost begging us to make it a common exception or even an expectation. It’s so damn sad. I hate men! Can’t live with them, can’t kill them.

written by disappointed, 01 May, 2010

I don’t even know if it’s worth confronting my partner. He has lied so much and he thinks I don’t know. The worst thing is I think he doesn’t even really care. I want to get out before my heart is hurt even more but I don’t know if I can deal with the break up. I feel like there are no options left for me

written by fed up and tired of feeling like I’m losing it, 04 May, 2010

All these stories strike a feeling of deep disgust in the pit of my stomach. WHEN do we stop letting these men treat us like expendable tools? We need to demand to be treated with respect,to give us the common decency of the TRUTH? I have been with my fiance’ for five years, I’m only twenty years old and he was twenty-eight when we met. Now looking back I see all the signs of a control freak..but I guess when you’re that young and lost you don’t really notice much. I just wanted a man that made me feel..anything really. Never believed in the whole if you don’t have a good male role model as a child aka father,then you will look for that attention elsewhere..well obviously I’ve only proven that. My life hasn’t been easy by any means..I’m 20 yrs old and I have three kids! I had my first daughter at 14 and my other two with the man I’m with now. They are only 10 months apart,and I really have my hands full during the day(EXACTLY what he wanted,all the time in the world to be a SLEAZE!!!)But I thought we had something genuine..how dumb is that?? Yes,I’ve always been "old" for my age..I never connected with anyone close to my age.and frankly my fiance is probably about as mature as a guy in his freshman year of college at times. Besides all that,I really thought I had found someone honest;to spend forever with. How wrong could I be?? Well girls, I’m pretty damn far off the mark. He has all the signs of a man trying to cover his tracks,but he vehemently denies it all. He treats me like I’m dumb and my IQ is probably twice his,but now I realize it’s the age difference..he really thinks since he has 13 yrs on me that he knows a little more about "how to play the game" which trust me ladies,what a goddamn JOKE! They all need assurance from some other source. They will never be happy with our affections,no matter how much we try. I have wondered for awhile now if I have what it takes to actually leave.. of course financially it would be impossible but if I could get me and my children somewhere on my on on just the principle of it of course I would. But I am forced to be smug,and put on a mask in relationship that has become monotonous. All I can do is remember to breath and hope that my future is brighter than is seems right now. I will pray for all of you in you search for inner peace and light. NEVER let these men take your sense of self,you are beautiful no matter what they make you feel. sincerely, Hoping for a way out...

written by Wow, 11 May, 2010

I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. I found out about him contacting his ex-girlfriend a few years back. When I found out he immediately ended his conversation, I even called her and she told me there was nothing going on but a simple "hello", she was married as well with a kid. Just recently one of his "old" friends had the nerve to google his information and write him a letter AND send it to his work email. On the letter she went on and on about how sorry she was about things she did to him in the past and how she wanted this to be kept between them both. I called her and asked what she wanted with him and she said she was just "contemplating"...RIGHT!!! Ladies I made a copy of that letter and sent it via mail to her address TO HER husband so it could be between ALL of us! 3 months later I found several calls from him to her...HE says it was a mistake...how can 35 minutes be a mistake? It was only that one day they talked. He told me she was going on and on about how I mailed those letters to her husband and so on...I still cant trust him. What should I do?

written by Done, 22 May, 2010

I would like to share my story to all the hurting spouses out there. I busted my husband of 2 years on our actual wedding anniversary, on March 26, 2006. We had been together for 5 years, yet married only 2. Our blended family included my 2 sons, his 2 daughters and our son together. He broke his neck in an auto accident 3 days after I found out I was pregnant with our son. I stood by this man through a 3 year recovery period, financially supported him and his daughters and put up with his insane mother. We actually moved to another state to get away from his insane mother and slut of an ex wife that left him and their daughters for his friend. I went through hell with this man. After 3 years together, HE was the one that brought up the big M word. I loved him, we had a son and within 48 hours of his asking me to marry him, we did it, we were married...in a small ceremony on the riverfront, all kids were present. About 5 months later, he was finally able to return to work. Within 2 months I was hearing rumors of him basically stalking an 18 year old co-worker. I called him on his job, told him he had 5 minutes to get home and explain all this bragging he had shared with our neighbors and demanded that he quit his position IMMEDIATELY, which he did. I was so hurt and shocked at his actions, of course he denied the "rumors"... my instincts told me it was all true. A few months later he began another job and seemed to be finding reasons to come home late, have to work on Saturdays and there was every reason in the world that he had to be at work. He was cleaning up and putting on cologne to work in a factory, then he failed to come home at all....he fell asleep in the parking lot in his car at work....I knew in my heart he was seeing another woman, another co-worker. This time I gathered facts, I was tore up, hurt so badly, humiliated, embarrassed, crushed and every other emotion you can think of, all at the same time. When I began to confront him, I looked him in the eye and asked that he be honest with me and that if he wanted out of the marriage to just tell me and that would be the end. I basically begged him to be truthful. His comments included:
You are insane
Your are psycho
I love you
Why would I want another woman when I have the best
You are imagining all this

All I wanted was for him to be honest, but I believe he would have slit his throat before he could manage honesty. I began to get more and more depressed and convinced of his affair. I talked to friends about it and they just couldn’t believe he would do this.

On our 2nd wedding anniversary, he served me breakfast in bed, we made passionate love that day and later he disappeared. I knew, I just knew. I went over to a friends in tears and she told me he had confessed to her that he had a new girlfriend and her name was Donna and that she had 4 children and was a co-worker of his. I cried like a baby, pulled myself together, went back home, put his life long belongings and dirty clothing in 3 garbage bags, called him and told him he needed to come home immediately. Upon his arrival, I handed him his children, his belongings and told him to take them to Donna’s and let her wash his clothes and take care of his children. His was shocked that I had found out, had no idea how I could have known this information, but he left as I requested. I filed for divorce the very next day...myself at our court house. I gave his employer as his address to insure he would be served at work.

written by MtnFlower, 22 May, 2010

I have been with my husband since August 2005 and we married in 2008. It has been 7 months since I confronted him with proof of infidelity with at least two women and online he used websites to find and keep in touch with these women. He moved in with me promising that he will shut down any online presence and didn’t even tell me he was on more than yahoo personals. He lied about it all. He didn’t stop any of his shenanigans and he fed me lies to conceal his deceptions even when I would catch him in lie after lie. September 2009 I was done with the crap and just hacked into his yahoo account and found emails and pictures and contacts, it was shameful. All he did well was lie and keep a roof over our head. He lied to me about our finances, his income, our bills, our bank, it was ridiculous. I am still finding out truths. He lied for months about one girl saying she gave his oral for two years! What an idiot! Anyway he finally admitted two days ago that it was just a full one sexual affair that he conducted when he left the house for work. He used vacation days and lied about the company screwing up on our vacation time. It has been terrible. Finally I told him if he really wanted to build trust he has to answer every question that I have and he was ready. He wanted to stay in this marriage and finally slowly revealed more truths. He seems more open now. We closed the secret bank accounts and I have taken over the finances completely. I can help anyone with sleuthing on the internet because I have learned a lot and he finally knows there is nothing he can deny because I have proof. He was never there for me so I felt I had never lost anything to have him leave. I am taking it one day at a time. I asked him if was ready for a committed relationship and he seems downright sickened by his stupidity and cruelty. Well I’ll keep you posted because it is a journey. I am going to use references on this site to rebuild trust while he is living in a separate part of the house now so I have my own space!

written by Ready for a divorce!, 23 May, 2010

Why are all of the cheating relationships "just friends"? I have been with my husband for 10 yrs(married for 5) and he has admittedly cheated once, less than a month after we were married! I was stupid and after filing for a divorce, cancelled it and forgave him... but I never forgot. I suspect he has cheated on me 2 other times before we were married... and now I am pretty sure he is at it again. We have 2 children (ages 3 & 5 months) and he started working again (finally after 3 yrs). He has a "friend" he takes home from work, goes and picks her up (she even lives in a halfway house!) and takes her to work, and took her to church, the store, etc. The problem is he lied to me and said his friend was a man until I found out yesterday. He even keeps her cell phone! (which she isn’t supposed to have, which I’m thinking about calling and turning her in)and she has texted/called probably 30 times today! He let me talk to her once on the phone and she says they are just friends, and she is 3 1/2 months pregnant & has a fiance. (She just started working w/ him like 3 weeks ago so i’m sure its not my husband’s) Well it turns out she asked him to buy her pads cause she was having a miscarriage. I said I know the halfway house would let her see a doctor, b/c he said she hasn’t went and they won’t let her... I don’t believe it for a minute!!! We only have one working vehicle and when I don’t work he demands that he takes it ( I pay for it, like all the other bills...) and won’t let me take him to work... even tho we have 2 small kids, what if something were to happen to them? I know I can do it on my own... I have supported his a$$ for 7 yrs... I just have to file and get him out of my (bought it before we were married when I was 19) house. He has said before that I have to give him some of our stuff... well I think I should allow him to take HIS stuff that he paid for and I should get to keep everything that I paid for. He also says he needs a little but of time if he was going to move out so he could earn up some money to get a place to live unless I want him to live on the street. I think that he would do fine out there on the street. He fits right in, usually jobless, pot smoking jerk. He barely helps take care of the kids.I work night shift and when I come home, the baby is always crying, always peed thru his diaper, and there is always a mess left for me to take care of. For some reason, in my head I have this thought that I love this man... but why? He does nothing for me, barely even talks to me unless it is for sex and blames everything on his parents’ deaths. Well, I’m sorry that his parents died, but I cannot change it. His mother died over 10 yrs ago and his father died almost 2 yrs ago. Well, that’s no excuse for treating his kids and wife like crap. I think I’m through with this, and I’m not gonna let him sweet talk me out of it.

written by Ready for a divorce!, 23 May, 2010

Just divorce him!
That is what I’ve decided. Forgave him too many times and this is the last straw. I’ve been doing it all on my own for the past 7 yrs anyways. My husband isn’t even that good looking, so why does he keep getting all these females? Because he cries to them like a baby b/c of the things that have gone wrong in his life. Well, Now he can add one more thing to cry about... losing his wonderful, forgiving wife and his 2 little boys. He was a terrible father anyways... what father calls their 3 yr old names like a$$hole and lets him run around ever where when I’m working? And don’t get me started with our 5 month old- has given him a bathe 3 times (no joke) since he’s been born... the baby is always crying and soaked and dirty when I come home from work! I am through with his b.s. hope he finds someone else that will put up w/ his s**t.

written by Men are pigs, 24 June, 2010

Hi, Here’s my story...

My long time partner stopped sleeping with me years ago because of my health problems or so he says, then he said he was under stress at work and just couldn’t get into it, then he said he was depressed, then it was impotence and on and on. Being the naive, trusting, dependent fool I was I accepted it because I really had no other option. Then one day the idiot left his cell phone home and several women left voicemails from long distance numbers. I also found sexually explicit texts. All numbers trace back to prostitutes homepages. I couldn’t believe it. I confronted him with the cell phone bill showing daily calls to hookers and he claims he just made calls and didn’t do anything. He must think I’m stupid, who calls hookers over and over and doesn’t do anything? It makes no sense at all but he keeps bare face lying to me and I can’t prove otherwise so as usual he has the upper hand again. Unless I have video of him having sex with his whores he will just deny to his dying breath. He’s disgusting and I’m sorry I ever met him. The whore can have him and I hope they bleed him dry and leave him poor and alone. What kind of person throws away a devoted partner who waits on them hand and foot for some whore who just wants his money?

written by Men are pigs, 24 June, 2010

I just wanted to add that the creep also visits peeps shows and strip clubs religiously and sneaks on the computer late at night to whack off to web cam nonsense and spends countless hours at erotic review web sites swapping info about hookers and who’s good at what. Many of the ones he’s seeing are trannys. He tells me he’s broke all the time and makes me give him money. One day in particular he bullied and harassed me to give him $400 supposedly to cover a credit card payment. I now know what that payment was for and it wasn’t a credit card. How does he even call himself a human?

written by The other side...., 21 July, 2010

From the male perspective I have to say this.
From past experience, I believe that there are several ways to cheat. The first is emotional, the second physical and the third is a combination of both, ergo an affair.
I have been tempted myself by several women in my life. I have kissed one, but that is all that happened. It could have gone further but my wife of (at that time) twelve years was very abusive to me emotionally, but I still loved her and could not carry on with it.
Although I had every right to follow through that women say they have when in a bad relationship I could not do that to someone I was married too. When I volunteered the information at a later date, I was the most horrible person on the face of the earth that had
EVER lived!
Divorced now after twenty years of marriage, I found out through several sources including her own family members that she had been running everything that had an outtie between the legs including the neighbor across the street while still saying she loved me. Then she left two years ago for someone she met on the internet and moved to the west coast, then to upper mid west.
So, with all this being said, it is not impossible for a man to look, drool, swagger, take pictures and talk and NOT have a full physical relationship with someone. May be highly unlikely, but not impossible. Most MEN have at least a rudimentary sense of right and wrong. Its just if they decide which is worth the outcome at that time.
Evidently women can be just as bad or worse than men at times. If a man strays, women say its because he doesnt love you but if a woman strays its because we guys were emotionally unavailable.
Besides, think about this..... if a guy cheats there has to be a reason for the cheating and a female to cheat with. One is no better than the other.

written by one is enough tow is too much, 11 August, 2010

if he cheated once forgive him but make sure

written by Susie-Q, 22 August, 2010

I was married for 29 years. I am a gorgeous woman, look 20 years younger than my age, excellent body, intelligent, kind, dream of a wife, own my own online retail business, work from home, cook, clean do laundry, host parties, everything a man would like. Everybody tells him that, he is the luckiest man alive. I have never even once contemplated cheating. We had a very active sex life, I never said no and did all his crazy requests. I never thought we would have a problem. So he fell out of love because I had chemo for a year and I was tired, which still did not stop us from having sex. I even threw up in silence and went out did a regular life while sick to death with chemo. So he started soliciting prostitutes on Craigslist. He had profiles on online dating sites. I got suspicious looked up the history on our computer, heard him talk to prostitutes on the phone, and looked at his text messages. At first he denied it, then finally confronted by the evidence had to admit what he did. I immediately made him move in his own room and we are really stuck our house is in a short sale situation and we can’t move out due to finances, he is unemployed and I had an accident in February, when I had a seizure while ice skating, and a concussion. I have since recovered and we have been going to therapy, but I am leaving him, he has an addictive compulsive personality and is bi-polar. Enough is enough. I have guys lining up to date me I am not interested at all, when I feel better about all this then I will date again, after I am divorced. He is so repentant and sorry, I just don’t trust him at all. I did get revenge, a month after I found out, I went down to my business partner’s warehouse and made out with my 30 year old male business partner,I am 51 years old, it was the best sex of my life. A one time thing, I just had to get it out of my system.Revenge is sweet. He has no idea. Lol!

written by JESSY, 02 October, 2010

My husband is sleeping with the maids,he promises to give them an increment after some time and they stupidly agree. some just quit without an explanation. I have had it with this man, enough is enough i have had it with him because he wont even own up to his actions. we have been married for 3 years and we 2 boys, one is 2 years and the other 3 months.

written by Al h, 04 October, 2010

I feel my husband is cheating but I’ am ready to leave even if that means my children and I live on the streets until I find something better. Its too many diseases out there to be playing Russian roulette with your life. God makes a way I pray to be strong like a warrior and be out

written by..., 07 October, 2010

I recently found out that, my husband and his co-worker’s wife been secretly e-mailing each other. He told her in e-mail, that if he is a single, he would chase her all over. I am devastated.

written by Wife won’t admit to the affair, 19 October, 2010

Well I’ve messed up! My wife has been seeing a work colleague. I found text evidence and proof she was going to see him when I took the kids to karate. There are a lot of things that do not make sense recently such as going shopping for ages and returning with very little.

I confronted her with what little evidence I have. She admitted to a kiss and cuddle ‘for comfort’ because she is ‘so fed up’ with our marriage and has admitted she has strong feelings for him but denies everything else.

She promised to stop contacting him, then left me to be with him. The crying children brought her back and she promised it was over again.

I need some honesty so I can start trusting her again. I have no idea who the guy is apart from a work colleague but she works in a very large building and I cannot gain access. All I want is some truth so I can start to rebuild but she will give no information, claiming she is protecting him because he’s such a ‘nice man’ and she doesn’t want me harassing him. I have tried to move on but since she will give nothing, I’m finding it very hard to believe her. She still works with the guy and always makes sure I have no access to her bag or phone. This is just eating away at me. I would have divorced her but I would probably lose the children and they are my reason for living. Boy, do I feel messed up!

written by He won’t admit it, 28 October, 2010

When I was about 7 months pregnant with our first child, my husband began spending all his free time with the sluttiest girl in our city. That is no exaggeration.She has a horrible reputation. She was a friend of mine and my brother during high school, but had met my husband in middle school. His routine before he threw me away to be her "friend" was this: he would go to work early in the morning, come home from work and spend time with me. Once or twice a week he would hang out at her house with some other friends. Well, all the sudden we’re married and I’m carrying his first child and he starts acting very distant. And his routine totally changed. He would go to work and then go straight to the slut’s smelly, dirty house and hang out til 10:30-11 (normally he goes to bed around 9). He would then come home and totally ignore me and go to bed. So this went on for a few weeks and he wouldn’t even hug or kiss me even though I tried to be intimate. A couple of people who lived on the slut’s dad’s couch began spending more time with me as they noticed I was upset and felt alone. So at that point, when my husband hung out at the whore’s house, only he, the slut, the slut’s boyfriend, dad, and brother were potentially there. The dad, boyfriend and brother all worked, sometimes leaving leaving my hubby & Slut alone together. The two friends that left to be there for me thought something was up with him, but at first we didn’t suspect he was cheating on me. Then one morning my husband and I got in a fight and he thought once he left for work I would drop it. But I texted him and asked him what the hell was up with his odd behavior and he finally said " I’m not in love with you anymore". I asked him if he was with someone else and he said no, just that shortly after getting married he fell out of love and no longer wanted to be with me. So I got in touch with my family and they helped me move my stuff out, along with my friends who used to live with the Slut & her family.My husband didn’t even try to stop me from leaving; he was hanging out with Slut while I left him. A few days later, my friend "Anne" (who left the slut’s house) got in touch with me and said we needed to talk. So I met up with her and her boyfriend "Todd" and she told me that she went to Slut’s house earlier that day to see if Todd was there but instead went up to the Slut’s room and saw my hubby and Slut in her bed fully clothed, but she was on top of him and his hands were on her waist. When Slut saw Anne she jumped off him in shock and Anne just said "I’m outta here." and got in touch with me. My hubby and Slut later said they were just tickling. Yeaaaah okay. Slut’s boyfriend believed them; I however am not that stupid...

written by He won’t admit it, 28 October, 2010

For several weeks I felt like I was living in a soap opera. My life became so dramatic it was sickening, and on top of that I had to be pregnant the whole time...

written by He won’t admit it, 28 October, 2010

...I so very badly wanted to find absolute proof that he was cheating! My Mom got his phone records because he was under her plan and that was eye opening. Just a month before he started spending all his time up her butt there were absolutely no phone calls or texts to or from her. But once they began hanging out all the time, there were about 15 calls made in a month, and texts. Some calls and texts were made at 2 am. It made me wonder: Why do they need to speak to each other at that time? There was also one time before I left that he slept at her house even though her dad said it’s a bad idea. And during the time we split up he stayed over a couple other times. Some friends and family told me he acted strange at our baby shower, like he wasn’t himself (the shower was a month before I left him). The slut attended the shower because at the time I thought she was my friend and I invited her. I was a fool!While he was still spending all his time ignoring me in favor of her after I moved out, he said he wanted us to work things out, and I said ok but I didn’t act desperate to be with him. I didn’t try very hard to get in touch with him or see him. Sometimes we’d go days without speaking even though I was only a few weeks from giving birth. He just acted like he didn’t care.One of my friends said he saw it coming. He said "Your husband thought he could have a fling and not get caught but he did. And if you get together again you’ll never be able to trust him". After the baby was born we got back together and he stopped talking to her and he became remorseful and has tried to improve our relationship since his huge mistake. But he will not admit anything sexual happened between them. I just wish he would tell the truth no matter how much it hurts.It bothers me that I have evidence that suggests he cheated but I have no concrete proof and it drives me crazy. For example, while we were separated, I looked in his phone and a draft message said "I like ur -You know what- smell", referring to her down there.So I asked him and he said either Todd or the slut must’ve typed it,and then he deleted it right away.The slut was still in high school during this whole situation, and she told her friends at school she slept with a married man and they had "sleepovers while the wifey was away". Four of my friends who were still in school came forward and told me that. Two of them directly heard her say it. But when I ask him why she would tell lies about herself like it’s something to be proud of he said she’s delusional. So bottom line:Am I wrong to think he cheated? Honestly I think he did and he’s just gonna stick to his "I’m innocent" story forever.

written by Mrs. Mario Portillo, 28 October, 2010

Well I haven’t written in here since May 22 of this year. I thought the confession stage had finally ended but with these deceivers there is no end until you completely cut them out of your life.
He has insisted he isn’t cheating since I caught him last September 2009. A year of finding out more as I unpeel the onion of lies and at times I thought we had a chance to get through this. He has admitted to never being faithful to anyone. He just denies everything and gives you an innocent look. He mixes truth and lies so skillfully that you may at times feel like apologizing!
Now that I have mail coming into my house with one of his girlfriend’s name on it from VS I had a new way of checking. He is not on the finances but he had secret bank accounts and credit cards. Seems that he still does since he was able to buy lingerie for her and inadvertently got put on the mailing list! What an idiot! (thank God) Anyway I have been a subscriber to Victoria’s secret for over a decade so when we suddenly got mailers for Maria the jig was up. VS confirmed that it was generated by a purchase at the store here that opened a few months ago. He has never bought me any lingerie, ever!
He cheated on me before and after our marriage two years ago. It looks like he cheated on me before and after this cheating thing came out and we renewed our vows in August. These men that cheat and deceive with multiple partners are not only dangerous due to STD’s but he also had me convinced that my mental parts weren’t working right. He would say I was crazy and had a great imagination. I was paranoid, etc. The betrayal is so traumatic it is like getting beaten. The denials are said so coolly, no emotion whatsoever, just matter of fact, no I didn’t cheat. But the betrayed are hurt, and emotional and want to just deal with the truth. I would rather he admit it and we work on his addiction then he just deny me trusting him or myself. The damage he did to me is surprisingly enormous. I have to learn to protect myself and not side with my abuser! WE need to recognize the trauma bonds of betrayal and walk away.

written by Helpless..., 15 November, 2010

My Fiance of 6 mo and Partner of 4 years had been  great until a month ago. We both are doctors (I, a trauma surgeon and He, and an on-call anesthesiologist) and are always in call. But lately he has been "oncall"  and has been gone much more often. And has been talking to someone a lot on his phone under the name of Austin Kelly.

One night I got off of work early, and came home. My fiance had been sick with "the flu". When I cam into the apartment, I opened the door quietly because I thought he would be sleeping. But as I looked in the door, I saw him and some woman I didn’t know doing it. I was so shocked, I quietly slipped back out the door without being noticed. I got back in my car and drove around for a bit, until I called him and told him I was coming home. When I got back home we had dinner and I asked him what he done that day. He laughed (but it sounded a little bit nervous) and asked me what I had though he had done, he had been "sick".

I have now been seeing more emails from him and ‘Austin Kelly’ some saying "Tonight?" or "Meet me at our usual place, we haven’t seen each other in a week" or "You take it off first" and I even called the number listed under ‘Austin Kelly’ but a woman pick up so I hung up. Whenever I ask him where he’s been he always gets angry. I know he’s cheating but what do I say and how do I confront him??

written by donefakingit, 23 November, 2010

I’m devastated. I’ve been married to my husband for 16 years and we have 4 kids together. I’ve always felt uneasy about him. He lied a lot in the beginning of our marriage. He was always going out w/ to his friends houses when he knew I was at home and couldn’t go anywhere. I was 16, him 21. He would get high (pot,coke) he would lie about that too.
When I was able to drive and had a car, he shaped up real fast about his friends because he knew I would come find him if need be. He even treated me better. He was really controlling, I had to stay in the house with the curtains drawn, he had me totally controlled. No going out, nothing. I missed years with my family because he thought I would go out and find someone or see (just see visually) another guy. He flipped out when just normal commercials were on TV. He would scream at me that I must like what I saw or my eyes were looking at the guys crotch...you know what...they never were. I just watched tv like anyone else and no man did anything for me accept for my husband. He was very very verbally abusive to me and I’m scared for life. I know that is cliche to say it, but its true. I was only 16, if you were to treat a 16 year old child like that today, it would be called child abuse. Yes, I believe I am the way I am because of him.
I was basically beaten down and left spiritless. I had no life. One day, when I was 19 or so, I remember thinking to myself that I was going to just stop loving my husband and focus on my child. He was only 1 at the time. I decided to mentally detach myself from him. Before this, I was head over heals in love/lust with him. I would fear him leaving me, he knew I loved him and begged him to always be with me.
I stayed true to myself and the feelings did stop for him. Maybe that’s when he started treating me better...when I stopped chasing.

Continued next post post was too long...

written by donefakingit, 23 November, 2010

Continued from last post...it was too long...

Anyway, I’m an old lady now... no not really, but I’m in my early 30’s and 3 more kids later, I’m still here.
I’ve never "reattached" myself to my husband, I’ve never let myself feel anything for him anymore. I care about him but I don’t feel love like a wife should for her husband. I’ve always had sex and given him what he wanted, every night, or at least several times a week. I would describe myself as at least a little good looking, I try to take care of myself.
I’m very very good at faking it to make it and thats why I’ve been here 16 years. If I had not mentally separated myself from him when I was younger I believe that the abuse/control would have continued and I would have just kept begging him to be with me.

So back to the subject at hand...adultery, yes, I truly feel he has done this. His job takes him into people’s homes and businesses every single day. Do everyone that goes into people’s homes for a living cheat? No, they don’t. I believe that in his case, though, he did.
I’ve asked him if he’s cheated on me several times and I really believe a woman just knows. Someone several posts back said that everything in her husband screamed, LIE LIE LIE...that is exactly how I feel. He looks and sounds like a liar does. Like a dear in the headlights, especially when I said, "it happe3ned at work didn’t it". He’s had slip ups to. He’ll say that he didn’t do something that I didn’t even ask him if he did.
So my life with this man consist of a knot in my stomach constantly. I live in total distrust of him and I live a lie everyday and every night.
He was just in the hospital for vision problems and I took the that finger pulse thing off of him and put it on me...my pulse was running 149, 130, and just kept jumping around. I’m 5’6 125 pounds, no smoking no drugs and maybe 6 drinks a month. The nurse found me doing this and she took my pulse herself and told me to get to a dr immediately, which I didn’t. My pulse has been running over at least 115 for years because my body is constantly in a state of adrenalin rush. I’m so scared so fearful. I take anxiety meds and it dopes me up enough to get through these days.
This is just lately too much. Its more then I can bear. My husband is a really good liar. Like the article above, he lies enough to keep me confused, he doesn’t want to get "in more trouble" (I would be relieved if he told me) and I totally and completely believe he doesn’t want to admit to it because he’ll look like even a bigger liar for hiding it all this time. I would just be happy for the truth.

I can’t leave. I have four kids, three are 8 and under. I need them by my side. My husband works and I work in the home taking care of my 9 month old in the day. I sell on ebay to generate a small amount of money to spend. I cannot make it alone. He said he would make my life hell if I left. (He denies he said it now) I think he’d take the kids. I just watched my sister in law go through a horrid divorce. Her husband took off and was ordered to pay 230 a week in child support and has not done so. The court said that they can’t make him. She lives in the ghetto with a guy she barely knows. She gets 40 dollars a week for groceries from welfare. There is NO help out there for moms that are divorced. So I guess I stay in this horrible situation. I’ve thought about killing myself, but I couldn’t do it. I’m so sad.
I can’t fake it anymore.

written by donefakingit, 23 November, 2010

Helpless...you are a doctor my friend. You don’t need this cheating man in your life. Unlike me, you don’t have to stay. Take advantage of that and GET OUT! I feel bad for you that you had to see that. You deserve a man that won’t do that to you. I wish I had your skill so I could support myself and my children right now. I would leave if I could.

written by donefakingit, 23 November, 2010

Mrs. Mario...I feel bad for you too. What you said about how the denials are so cold and he tries to make you feel like you have mental problems...thats what my husband does to me!!

He cries and says how can I think this of him. Its all part of the show. Thats how intertwined in his lies he is. The men are making us out to be the bad ones.

written by angry woman, 25 January, 2011

I just want to say that cheaters usually have 2 cellphone! one you know about it and the other one he is hiding in his car or at his job !!!!!!!!!!! yes wake up ladys

written by kellen, 12 February, 2011

Together 5 years. He cheated on me after the first year, a one-night stand and a bj. I fell for his BS and we stayed together. He started being hypercritical of every thing I do, every word out of my mouth. I find out a YEAR after he broke it off with her that they had a 6-month love affair, and of course it coincided with the time he was so sh-tty to me. I found her blog but did not tell him, and asked him various questions which I already knew the answers to...he lies and lies and lies and now I see the pattern and how he looks and sounds when he lies. When I told him I knew, he said "I may have lied about matters of fact but I never lied about emotions and I do love you". WTF do I do with that?

written by MtnFlower, 12 February, 2011

I have to tell all of you that if the cheater can attend the Sex Addiction anonymous meetings there is a chance for recovery. Even after a year of therapy meetings 3x’s a week nothing did what his finding out he is a sex addict did. Now he is hearing from other men the same stuff he would experience with me and has the missing empathy and compassion to truly change.

The arrogance that we women are weak and NEED them has killed the equality that is supposed to be there. Expect equality and quit the relationship that only causes issues with Power and Control. Never give up your power. Never give up your control over your life and your body and your goals. I hope all who cheat and lie realize they are addicted to DECEPTION as a means to CONTROL. This is because they have always thought they are POWERLESS.

written by Fallon, 01 March, 2011

The girl my spouse cheated or is cheating on me with was the one to tell me. She told me they had had sex last august or september and that was it. But they had IMed recently with each other. She sent me some of the IM showing my spouse had asked for pictures and said inappropriate things to her. He admitted to having sex with her but won’t admit to the IM’s. I just don’t know what to believe or what to do anymore. But I am trying to get through it and I’m trying to maintain our relationship. Hopefully we can make things okay again but my trust has been shattered.

written by Confusing situation, 22 March, 2011

I think my husband is cheating on me. He stays every day outside for seven hours. He claims that he is just hanging out with his friends. There are two girls who call him, one of them used to call and send messages at 12 midnight. I don’t believe that these two girls are just friends. But he leaves me his phone though, as far as I know, he has a good memory and remember their phones. I don’t believe him, I know he is lying

written by BIbi April 10th 2011, 11 April, 2011

There is no magic Answer for anyone, but when i read some of these stories I was amazed at all the people Who put up with years of masochism, lies and pain!!! I am in a new relationship of 1 year and a half, very much in love. Unfortunately nothing is perfect and I’ve suspected of my boyfriend cheating and I’ve searched, something i never ever did in my previous relationship with my exhusband of ten years and two kids. I Have not found hard core evidence but it never really is, because they Will never accept unless you walk in while they are in bed. So the bottom line is that searching is wrong, not only violates the privacy but it hurts yourself. The problem is what to do when you get this gut feeling? Asking might not help, since a straight Answer is not probable, so i think Its important to sit down and talk honestly about your own feelings, what you want from that relationship, if your angry, hurt, afraid, etc... Be honest, dont cry Or get emotional, be assertive, say something like i want to give my 100% , ask him, what do you want to change Or fix in our relationship? And give it your best, but in the end what you need to focus on is in your own peace of mind and happiness. Or else you cant make anyone happy. So if you decide to stay in a relationship with someone Who is flirtatious Or might cheat some times, then dont complain, don’t nag, be the best you can be and be happy. But if you are suffering and feel it’s tearing you apart, why stay? Why live like a victim? Fear is not attractive, men like secure women. In my case I decided to give us a chance, but knowing that I will not compromise my essence, I’m romantic, I believe in love, I want a mature relationship, but my bf is flirtatious, charming, good looking, successful and has a past. I decided I will make my self happy first before expecting him or anyone else to make me happy. When i found out he was texting his ex-girlfriend who had the name of a man in his phone, I thought it was the end of the world!!!! I had my bags packed in the car ready to leave when I confronted him and he didn’t let me go. He is good to me and I feel he loves me. But nothing is absolute. I’m the one living with him, traveling with him, working with him, he doesn’t sneak out or come home late, so what if he talked to her or saw her one day, whatever. You can’t posses anyone. Love is like water in your hands don’t squeeze it will run through your fingers. Open your hands, if you love someone set them free. I’m very valuable to him, and I’m still here!!! I will not look anymore into his phone or email, if I ever find out anything it will have to come to me, and eventually truth comes out. If he cheats I will either not find out ever or will know it in my heart because he no longer makes me feel loved. So why worry, if I dont find out it can’t hurt me, and if I have a gut feeling and feel unhappy most likely I will leave him I’m not afraid of leaving I’m more afraid of living a lie. What is wrong here about all I’ve read is the victim role so many women play all their lives, as if they have no control over their own happiness. And playing detective is an obsession that leads to suffering. I am trying to turn the page and let go in order to make it work, it’s not easy, but it’s my choice and I have to go through with it, if I can’t I might as well leave before making his and my life miserable. I hope this helped anyone who read it, it sure helped me to share it and express it. Sometimes love requires rational intelligence, so think before you act and stick with your decision. BB

written by bleeding heart, 02 May, 2011

I just experienced such horrifying and so hateful event few days ago.. my boyfriend for 5 years now, who is separated from his wife with 3 kids, cheated on me. I also have a 2 year old daughter with him. I thought everything that we have planned to set things right is going fine, but then I suddenly realizes that he has not been so true to me. I understand that he still has responsibilities with his other kids, but I cant understand why he still regularly communicates and see his wife without my knowledge. He said that he is just dealing with her nicely for the sake of the kids. He is living with me and my family now, and he goes home to his kids every weekend who stay with their grandma. But few days ago his wife sent me an email saying that they never got separated in the first place and that they still do make love. My bf denies it. She also said that they were together in manila 2 weeks ago, which I never knew he went there. He admitted that he went to manila to apply for a job, and that he was with his brother and wife, had dinner and had a drink and got drunk. Aside from the phone calls and texts that I always discover, this thing really made me upset till now. I wanna know the whole truth so that I may move on. Pls help.. thanks.

written by sunaina mullick, 15 May, 2011

I would like some one to comment on how to deal with such situation. My husband of 30 years cheated on me 2 years back. He was having affair with an office college. when I came to know he gave me the same story (just good friends). He was very good friend with the woman’s husband also in the office and keeping him in dark. I finally met the lady’s husband. This created a lot of bad blood between us. He threatened to divorce me, not concerned about our newly married daughter and collage going son. My children came to know about this. After that only he has changed his behavior. But this incident has damaged the relation permanently. I don’t trust him anymore. Though he is very nice. I am financially independent and I have moved into spirituality. It does give me a lot of peace. Foe me he is just an individual, father of my children, with whom I am putting up for the sake of the family. It has really helped me.

written by New York, 20 May, 2011

Last week an anonymous text was sent to me that said that my boyfriend of 5 years was cheating on me with his boss. I told my boyfriend and he convinced me that it was the boss’s psycho ex-boyfriend. That they were just friends. He then immediately got us new phones. Then I was looking through his phone (which I never have done in 5 years) and found a picture of her in a mini-skirt and several other random pictures of her. She had more photos in his phone than me. I confronted him about that...He said that she was sexually harassing him and he was keeping it for proof. However he took 90% of the photos from his phone. I decided to call her behind his back the next day and she told me that they were having an affair for the last 5 months. He denies the whole thing and says that he is mad that I called her. He won’t press sexual harassment charges against her. He made me block her phone number and said that he would break up with me if I call her again. Should I believe that they didn’t have an affair?

written by John – betrayed, 25 May, 2011

I started reading these depressing stories. After noticing how many there were, I skimmed to the bottom to add my experience.

Firstly, I am a guy, only now 23, had a girlfriend for 2.5 years, and learned she cheated on me.

Ladies, I’m very sorry to hear of all your situations, they make mine look foobar:

I was a college senior finishing up my BSE in Electric/Computer Engineering. My now ex-gf lived 2 hours away at a different school. We kept the relationship going for 2.5 years and I was very happy to be with her! On average we only saw each other barely every other weekend, but I love(d?) her and NEVER cheated on her. I told her at the start of that semester that I would be very busy (I was in senior design) – unfortunately I could not physically be there for her as much as we were used to. We’d usually talk via phone, on a couple of occasions she said to me "I feel like I’m losing you." I told her in words that I promise you’re not losing me, and that I was simply busy (and that’s the truth! I’m a guy! I am NOT lying!). I guess she didn’t listen, I ended up getting the truth out of her. She told me she got nude for another guy – let him touch her... while at her school. I made a mistake, I should’ve tried to SHOW her more, that I truly cared for her and wasn’t going anywhere. It was hard for me to do so while we were away at school.

I can only think of her now with said guy who put his hands all over my gf... it really hurts my heart to this day. Ladies some of you probably won’t believe me, but there are some decent men in this world. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d be betraying someone for months or years (like most of the stories I saw on here).

-From a guy, only 23, never went through the ‘drinking’ phase in college, she was my only real partner I’ve had.

written by MaryH, 01 June, 2011

my relationship with my husband has been going sour for years. We stopped making love (he blamed ED but would never go to the doctor to get diagnosed and get meds). Started coming home from work just a little later. He joined a softball team at work. We had a fight about 4 weeks ago, I threatened to leave him, he wanted us to try to work it out. He wants me to make more friends, do more things to make myself happy, feel better about myself. The very next day, I find a text message on his phone that simply says "Missing You!" from a girl he works with. He’s never mentioned her before, and was surprised to see her name/number in his contact list.Stupid me confronted him and asked very calmly if he was having an affair. He denied it, said it would be very stupid of him to be seeing the boss’s daughter (she works in another area of the company). I told him I wanted to believe him, but given the problems we were having, it was really upsetting to me – asked him to give me a little time. Then I surprise him at one of his softball games because he had been telling me he’d really like me to have me there, and lo and behold, guess who’s on the softball team? Then he tells me that he told her about my confronting him and tells me she said she could understand why I might have thought they were having an affair. After the game, he introduces me to his boss, his boss’s wife, and this girl I suspected him of cheating on me with. She looked light a deer in headlights. I am so anxious, somewhat depressed, do not trust him, it’s taking on a world of its own. Am I making something out of absolutely nothing?

written by Wifey to Mr. Naughty, 25 July, 2011

I am sucking every "blankety blank" thing I can get out of my abusive lying cheating husband. Then he can sit in a one bedroom apartment paying child support when I am gone. 10 years of abuse. He choked me when I was 8 months pregnant high risk. I had the baby early because of it. Scr_w you, you cheating lying sack of crap men. I’m a housewife in FULL revolt!

written by donefakingit, 04 August, 2011

I’m surprised at the one comment of the woman that says she just deals with the possibility her boyfriend is cheating on her and that we should essentially take it and not feel sorry for ourselves.

Its really not that easy. My situation is very complicated. My husband purposely got me pregnant again. I was nursing my last baby and we were using condoms. He would always stop and put one on and together that was good enough. I had told him to be extra careful because I was mid-cycle and thats a fertile time for a lot of women, but he ignored me and did it anyway. I feel like I was forced.

Now its almost nine months later and next month will be the month I have another baby. I was going to end this pregnancy early on but was given a guilt trip by my husband and told I’d burn in hell and all that stuff. I was mentally forced to keep this baby.

I’m more miserable then ever and I swear he is more cocky then ever about the fact he has cheated on me. I don’t believe it was just once, I think there were so many women that he would be embarrassed to tell me. We fight over this every few days and my kids witness all of this.
I went to bed at 3 or 4 am yesterday and I’m just miserable. He won’t listen to me. I left him a note before I went to bed on the couch(yep, I get the couch) and I found it crumpled up. It shows that he doesn’t even give two seconds to take my feelings into account.
I took the note out of the trash and put my wedding ring on top of it. Why should I wear it if thats how he treats my feelings.
He always rubs it in my face about how I don’t work and he is the only one that works. I have bill collectors calling all day for student loans, an ambulance ride for our bipolar son and a doctors visit. The two latter things should have been covered by insurance. I told him last night that they call all day and theres nothing I could do about them. He said, "I guess its my problem then since I’m the only one that works" He said it to put me down for not working.

I feel like tearing my hair out its like "dammit, I cannot work, I’m home taking care of 3 children 9 and under and about to have another baby to take care of.How can you tell me on one hand you don’t want me to work and turn around and say rub it in my face that I don’t work!!!" He’s a hypocrite. He’s also a licensed electrical contractor and works for someone and has his own business too. However, he doesn’t want to work on his own business even though he has made a lot of money from the few jobs he took. But, thats his choice. My whole point is that he told me NOT to work and he is totally capable of making a lot of money in a short time, so why is he making me feel like a loser because my "only job" is caring for 5 children?
I will get a job and have offered but he says he doesn’t want me to.

I am sick of the cheating, lying and everything, but there is NOTHING I can do about it. Essentially the lady that wrote that we should just take it is right in the fact that if we can’t leave, we should try to be happy, but still, there is something that feels so wrong about just letting him cheat and be dishonest with me about the past.
I’m so lonely and have NO family that I can count on. My mother had a stroke in March and I have lost her as mental support, instead, its like having another child. My sister is there for her too, but my sister and I don’t get along with each other. We will communicate for my mother’s sake, though, but I don’t think she cares for me.
My dad is a pedophile in another state, and thats it. My grandparents are all dead, my aunts and uncles have died off slowly, the ones that are living are accross the country and well as cousins I haven’t seen or heard from in 25 years. I’m totally and utterly ALONE.

If I leave him, I’m even more alone. I hate my life. I don’t know how I can bear this anymore.

Its good that the male poster above is a faithful person. You will make some woman very happy and secure one day. Keep up the way you are.

I will probably be miserable till the day I die and sometimes I wish that would just come soon. I’m 33, not old, not young but too old to start over with all these children. I wish God would just help me, but I’ve prayed to no end and nothing is different.

written by lost and confussed, 10 August, 2011

So i am in a very similar situation as others. Ive been with my man for 7 1/2 years. 3 years ago, i went away to a wedding and he had to stay home because of work. I later found out that he went to a different wedding here in town and hooked up with a girl.. he’s final confession is they just kissed.. only after i called her and she said that they just kissed and they were only having a little fun. Then last year I heard that while i was away on holidays with our child, and his two nieces that we keep in foster care and have so for the last two years, cheated on me with a co-worker. He admitted this entirely told me everything immediately. I thought it was going to be a better ride from there. Last week I went to a wedding, he stayed home again because of work (thats not a lie he works seasonal, and we work in same place) i come home to people telling me he was partying all night and that they seen him with a girl, holding her in the room, and a dirty condom on the floor... as if.. mind you, im sure there’s a truth to it somewhere... he’s in total denial, last two times he admitted it to me. So if he was "blacked out" drunk, and doesn’t remember it, and if i talk to her and she admits it, is it fair, that if I am to stay with him, he faces his alcohol problem through a treatment program? the other two times were because of alcohol influence. I think its fair as i love him, and i am willing to rebuild and move on , on one condition, and thats he quits drinking. hes not only ruining my life, hes ruining hi own, his daughters, and our two nieces who are with us because of a unstable home. Thats another reason why i havent reacted hastily yet, i don’t want to put my girls through it, so i suck it up like nothing has happened, to prevent giving my children childhood anxieties...
any suggestions?

written by rambling-rose, 14 August, 2011

Despite being found out my husband carries on as if nothing is going on. I know where she lives, I know where the house he has bought her is (in the next street to her own home) and I know where he’s going when he says "just going out to do some deliveries, back shortly". Do they think we are fools? Yes, they do. And I know I’m letting him treat me like one as he says he is leaving but he’s still here while their house is being renovated. He told her a few months ago that he wasn’t going to move in with her (didn’t like the area) but I’m beginning to think he might have changed his mind. I know I need to end this marriage of 33 years but I’m still hoping against hope to win him back. Stupid me.

written by the good life..:, 01 September, 2011

i have been in my first relationship ever and i guess thats my last one too.. and the dude cheated on me i forgive him and he cheated again.. i asked why he said i was ugly motherfucker so i guess i know why he cheated.. so much for my happy ending..

written by elvira, 02 September, 2011

Ladies i was married 3 years been cheated on in past relationships and I was cheated on by my ex husband that was suposively a Christian ladies I had Satan in my bed the whole time if u feel in Ur gut that Ur husbands are cheating and that they are doing things they are women we have a woman instinct that we feel things are wrong and were right if he has passwords on his phone blocking u out hanging out with his friends too much they are usually ways for him to meet up with women he lies spy on him or hire a detective find out for Ur selfs men won’t tell u they are dogs and will take it to the grave so if u want the truth get Ur own proof and get out if u don’t trust and if he cheated they don’t change they like being like that and if u stay u will be the one worring Ur self sick while he has a great time blaming u accusing u when u are innocent it hurts but it hurts more when u allow to stay

written by Momof4, 11 September, 2011

Wow, amazing posting. I am a 50 year old of 4 children from 25 to 8. On Nov 1st of 2010 I had a small fire in my house with much smoke damage. On Nov 7th my husband had a base weekend at the air force. I had been spending the week with people in and out of my home and a lot of cleaning. Breaking things, silver missing etc... On Nov 7th my husband accidentally butt called me from his cell phone. I listened for 2 1/2 hour of all his lust etc...So I pulled the phone bills for the last year and it was so obvious he F... Up. I waited 6 years to marry this man thinking he could prove himself. And in some ways he did, But it it obvious HE IS NOT TELLING ME THE TRUTH. MY husband is so in denial. We have been seeking counseling for a month now and all I get is I DONT REMEMBER. He came home after his Oct.. 10 at the base all shaved up and affectionate. I guess he got none and was going to pretend I was her. Some of his remarks on his Butt Call were..." I’d like to get out 1/2 hour early and take her out back. Wow she has great Tits. I wish I would have met her before I marries my wife...ETC ETC ETC..." Here I an trying to get our house back in order and he spends over 36.00 on lunch, a receipt he turned into our insurance co. After 4 years of marriage and 10 years of dating you’d think I know him. Not until you are a fly on the wall. I don’t REMEMBER is just another way of telling you I WON’T tell the truth. Even to a marriage counselor. My Husband is Military trained, I am just a mom.
BTY. I called several women and even a couple men and found out that my suspicions are soooo TRUE. But he still will not confess. So I am having a real problem forgiving and forgetting.

written by guest, 19 September, 2011

I screwed my friends husband at her house in her hot tub while his boys and my son were upstairs playing games. I got caught but but haven never come clean to anyone else that found out or that has asked me about what went on – not even my own husband. Is not the first time I have done this with someone elses husband and it won’t be the last!!! Catch me if you can!!

written by To the infidel above, 24 September, 2011

May the snakes in your grave make love to your corpse. It’s people like you who destroy healthy relationships and make children hate their families and society.

written by Sad n confused, 04 October, 2011

I have been with my bf for 7 years now, and he has been lying to me non stop for the past 7 months about a younger woman. It first started with me seeing a couple text messages she sent him talking about how she missed him and couldn’t wait to see him etc... When I confronted him about it, he denied everything calling jealous and paranoid and that he barely knew this girl... So I trusted him, and yet he continued seeing and texting her behind my back referring to me with her as "miss Shaw" (my last name)! It has now been 7 months since he first started lying to me about her, and still last week caught him lying to me about her AGAIN!!!! When I confronted him this past weekend, the outcome was that I am still over. Reacting and that I should just stop busting his balls about her because I am apparently suffocating him with my jealousy... I don’t know how to get through to him and get him to understand everything he put me trough and how it has affected my trust in him!!! He really doesn’t see what he did wrong since he says he never slept with her... But I have my doubts (I’m sure most of you understand why)! I am so hurt and angry with him that unless he ultimately realizes that unless he is completely honest with me about their relationship and cuts all ties with her, I won’t be able to move on and get past this... He even had the nerve to tell me that he wished he actually had Fucked her so I would actually have something to be rightfully pissed at him about... He hides his cell and makes sure that all his messages and texts are erased when he knows I secretly check it!! Yet I still find messages from her on his phone!!! I have asked him to end his relationship with her, and he says that it would be a savage thing to do to her... I love him so much, and have a really hard time imagining my life without him, but the fact that he can just so blatantly and unemotionally lie to my face makes me wonder if he really is the love of my life... If any of you out there has any advice in trying to help me get the truth out of him PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

written by Sad and alone, 07 October, 2011

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years now. We recently just started this long distance relationship thing as he had to move away. Everything is ok till this random girl msg me and asked me questions about how I met him, and all the details of their encounters when we are still dating, she also showed me several fake online profiles. I asked him about it, ALL HE CAN SAY WAS ‘NO, GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, DON’T KNOW HER AT ALL’ , funny cause all the profile sound just like him and only something that he would know. That went on for about 2 weeks I was ready to forget it and move on,thinking that he must have had a stalker that’s all. Then I checked his email, Bam, all the messages of him flirting with all other women , all the pictures of himself that he sent to multiple women, calling them his queen. I have not slept all night, my tears have ran out. And I spoke to him about it, and he said ‘ I don’t know why they are in my email’ I told him I am ready to leave if he doesn’t admit it. He then gets angry and said he isn’t going to admit something he didn’t do. Yeah right , I am dumb for not knowing his traits. but I am not that dumb to believe that SOMETHING IS IN HIS EMAIL BUT WASN’T WRITTEN BY HIM, OR wasn’t meant for him. I told him all I wanted was a sorry, so we can move forward and build on trust again. And he said he is sorry but told me not to make him admit to something that he has never done before. I don’t think I can deal with the chance of having to go through this the second time. I thought he loved me. And now I know men’s egos are too big for one woman to fill.

written by been there too, 08 October, 2011

Hello...I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am also going through a very similar situation. I know my husband is cheating..I have all the proof, but he is going to stick to his story and make it seem like it is my issue of being jealous! He knows I know, but admitting it is a problem. Just like you, I don’t know what to do. I have 3 kids and it is not easy to just walk away. I wish you luck...

written by i want to leave him tomorrow!, 10 October, 2011

i just can’t take it anymore... i gave him all the chances... i left everything for him! he told me he will change! may God give me courage to buy the ticket back to my country tomorrow!

written by Matters2Me, 21 October, 2011

Married to my husband for 30 years..3 daughters 4 Grandchildren..in 2008 I received a Telephone bill that had a call for 15 minutes to our neighborhood..a Call that was made on our First cruise Vacation in Mexico...He lied lied lied...said Phone company made a mistake..also had pink fingernail polish on his underwear, womens email addresses on his WORK computer..Bought new underwear and socks. although the ones he had wasn’t that old...I am at Fault because I let him Get away with it...

written by 8 mos preggmos pregg, 24 October, 2011

And just found from his own sister who accidentally. Called me thinking I was Stephanie the OW, asking how her nephew Aden is. Excuse me wtf? So he had sex with her before me. 3mos before in fact. Kid was born after my bday. What does he do when I ask who Aden is? He (a) talks badly about sister and family. (b) says he’s told me she was also pregnant. (But we both know that’s bullshh!) But I wasn’t listening and (c) and (c) brings up all these "accusations" of me cheating which has never happened. It doesn’t work that way! Now I don’t have hard evidence. Except for the accidental call from his sis, love note, and baby announcement naming him proud father. Of course he thinks on going trouble settle down and not be mad so he calls back but calls back in a Bette mood ready to forgive my badly placed suspicions. I can’t pretend this is ok! Its so not! He gets agitated with me and says he’s never calling me again. He’s more worried about paying child support than me or this baby. I say run and don’t look back. Same advice I’d give to any other broad although its really hurtful, even more so because he’s had several chances to be honest but wants to be delusional instead. We can’t move on if you can’t, nit from this buddy. So we are through and my best friend is a liar. What kind of man are supposed. To b McDearis ??!

written by asnakesasnake, 25 October, 2011

Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls… because they can.
My STBEX (soon to be ex) also denied having a physical relationship when I caught him the first time cheating on me (claims is was only emotional)but he just recently admitted to me that he was sleeping with her in hotel rooms for close to a year! We separated over this...went to counseling....where he never confessed....got back together and I knew I could never trust him if I did not know the truth. Well fast forward six months and I notice he is a bit distant towards me and not home much so I install a keylogger on the computer. Now I can see him flirting on Facebook so I go one step further and install cell phone spyware on his cell phone. Now I can see his movement with GPS tracking, read all his text (even the deleted ones!!!)and see all the calls he made. Boy was that ever enlightening!!!!
I knew I confronted him way too early the first time I caught him so I sat quietly watching and following and spying to try and get as much ammo as I could. I even hired the best divorce attorney in my town and had papers ready!!!
It kinda blew up one night and I grabbed his phone as some whore was texting him (which I had been seeing all night on my spyware)and told him I knew he was cheating (of course he denied)but I was not about to tell him what I had on him. I just handed him the divorce papers and told him to get the hell out!!! He moved out a year ago....our divorce is still pending because we cannot reach a settlement and he is self-employed but I can tell all of you I have never been more relieved in my life. I am a much happier person because I know the truth(probably not all of it) but I don’t have to be with someone who cheats on me then lies to my face. That is even more hurtful than knowing the truth.
It was not until recently that he admitted to the first affair and then also told me he screwed a girl I know. Well, I already knew this from my spyware but it was like he told me the truth because he wants to have a clear conscience. He said he was sorry and he felt bad for lying and wants to be a better person in the future!!! What a big freaking joke! This man is a manipulative con-artist who thinks he is God’s gift to women and if his member was even slightly large he may be on to something but since it’s not he will just keep on disappointing women!!!!!!
So my advice to all of you who believe the lies....get your head out of your as*, stand up for yourself, gain a little dignity and self-worth because NO one deserves to be cheated on and lied to!!!!
There is nothing more humiliating than loving someone so much that you forgive the infidelities.
And remember all men think..... it’s not cheating unless you get caught!!!!!

written by Emy, 07 November, 2011

Why are people voting down on some people’s stories? What makes on story better than another story and why is this option even present, where someone’s story of pain is rated? It’s bad enough that someone cheated on them and that their heart is broken but to have their story dissed too!

If a man or (or a woman) won’t admit the affair, there is no relationship. The lie will always be a barrier between the two of you. To cheat disrespected you and to lie about it and hold onto pride without budging ("No, I didn’t do it") is spitting in your face and it is stopping you from healing and moving on. The cheater made your heart sick and holds the medicine to heal you but won’t give it to you because their pride means more than your heart.

written by it’s too bad, 22 November, 2011

Too bad these things have to happen sorry to be the negative Nancy but if they did it once they will do it again. If its the first time and you have had a long and serious relationship I understand trying to work it out but a short relationship or repeated occurrences even if "its for the kids" think of the message you’re actually giving them, that it’s ok to not be respected as the only one and how cheating and lying is an ok action.

written by valentina, 22 November, 2011

valentina
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr Zack. My boyfriend finally returned. It took four days, like you said it might, but he’s back with me now. And thats all that matters.”

written by confused and tired, 22 November, 2011

Ive been with my fiance for over a year i am 5 months pregnant with our first child...a few months ago i found out that he was "cheating" on me. he had several accounts on online dating websites. i found them when i was using his computer and found an e-mail from one of these sites so i left the e-mail up and open on his computer. he never said anything about it so i had to make a fake profile just so i could see what was actually going on and being said...it was disgusting...when i confronted him he refused to come clean until he eventually broke....ive been trying to work things out with him and for a few months we were good until recently i noticed he was deleting all of his e-mail every night off of his cell phone and being very sketchy with it. so i checked his history on his phone and found he is on another dating website so again i made a profile and contacted him this time he contacted me back(not knowing its me....im disgusted,hopeless and lost.....please i need some advice....im only 24 this is my first child....i didnt want my life to be this way....

written by That was me, 23 November, 2011

In many ways, I was the guy who betrayed his wife. I didn’t actually do much but mostly because I was too lazy and scared of being caught. But still in one sense, I was available. One day my wife had enough of me. She went to visit her folks and didn’t come home. Talk about seeing your whole life for the total retard that you are. Any way I took a long hard look at myself. I compared myself to the incredible woman who bore my children and made our home. Eventually she came home. I constantly remind myself what my life was without her. It’s been a few years since she came back. I try to be the man she wants me to be. God knows I love her and only her. I can tell she is happier now. I really listen to her and when she launches into me for something I haven’t done, I dare to lose the argument. Right or wrong I keep my mouth shut. Sure I may lose the battle but I win the war. And as far as I’m concerned the war is for her heart, for her love and her respect. The things I have now with her are so much more valuable then a job or a nice car or whatever attractive gal that looks my way. And you know what, I’m a hell of a lot happier too. It’s about commitment heart and soul baby, all in for the duration. Oh and those honey do’s, turns out if I do some of them when she asks, she lets me off the hook on about half of them. I’m no angel but turns out, I never had to be.

written by stressed out, 30 November, 2011

like all you ladies, i have seen the signs. Hidden cellphone, dropped calls, midnight calls, coming home late and not letting me know where he is, shopping for new clothes, hiding his finances, receipts, condoms, videos, pictures and the bastard still has the audacity to deny that he is doing anything! Well, i cheated on him too... and i confessed to him, he then pretended to confess to 1 affair which he conveniently forgets about when he starts to question me about my infidelity! And after my confession, one would expect the bastard to quit it and change right... but no not this scum... he continues as normal and just makes it harder for me to cheat! however, i can and will cheat on him again! He refuses to leave, we have 3 kids, i cannot leave him in peace... the only way i can leave him is if i run away with the kids... which is also one of my other options.

written by Not going to take it any more, 30 November, 2011

I am letting go of all of my boyfriends cheating ways. he can have the other women. the way I see it, he is her heart poison now.

Ready to recover

written by my man is freaking, 01 December, 2011

I was six months pregnant with twins (11 years of pregnancy losses and ultimately IVF). On Valentine’s day, my husband said he had a meeting to go to. I became upset and to sooth me, my husband was going out to get me take out food. On his way out of our house, he encountered the women he had been seeing. Needless to say, she called me at work the next day (she found my work number on my husband’s cell phone) and told me the terrible details of their affair... and I mean everything! The thing that really hurt is she said that my husband told her he wanted her to have his baby (even though they were having protected sex) because I could have his child. But you know, if she hadn’t told me, I would never have gotten the truth out of my husband. Now looking back, I remember my husband making numerous excuses about having late meetings, conferences, parties (all work related). He even got to the point of sneaking out at night. I would wake up at 1 and 2AM to find him gone! I was six months pregnant and devastated. For a long time after I had the twins, he continued to have the affair -- that was almost four years ago. I don’t know where things stand now and yes, we are still married and together. I feels as though our marriage is on automatic pilot and I’m watching from the wings. I’ve lost the passion and trust I once had for him. I cannot call him my best friend anymore... I’ve installed a spy software on his BB phone by a online vendor named mobistealth. I’ve seen those things on his cell phone which i couldn’t imagine. I’m really upset.. what should i do?

written by Don1, 01 December, 2011

Its not a Man thing to do this. I have been married 18 years and have never cheated and cannot lie. Because i cannot lie I have always told the truth about everything i have ever done and how i feel. My wife does lie and she did have an affair and to a degree she still denies everything that happened. It really comes down to this when dealing with another person having an affair. If they are not willing to admit what they have done. Then you need to either be ok with that and always expect him/her to have an affair or you need to move on. I learned with trying to get my wife to tell me the truth that nothing you do will ever work. I Tried it all... and i do mean it all including being physical with her. So if i cant get my wife to tell the truth about hers no matter what. I dont think anyone else will either. When a person is born to lie thats what they are they see it as the better way out. As I have heard said before Deny Deny Deny and if caught red handed Deny again. I personally couldnt have an affair because I cannot lie. I have tried and i feel so bad about lying that i have to tell the truth. I have never understood how someone can lie even when the person they are lying to is in so much pain. The only thing i can think of is that they are so selfish that they dont care how you feel they are not going to admit doing anything wrong ever.

written by lynn Rahn, 04 December, 2011

in the same place for 16 years, not married, he is always MIA, constantly lies,phone glued to his waist, i caught him in bars with other women, with stripper number, he calls me crazy all the time so i planted a gps on his vehicle turns out it was worse than i thought he cruises the red light district. So this is how to get rid of him: When he calls you crazy this time my response was, "Yes, I must be crazy and you deserve much better" this worked and left him speechless for weeks im finally free and happier than a pig in shit and going for a STD test.

written by stolly, 04 December, 2011

Having read all these comments i decided a glass of wine was in order.
Its doesnt matter if they have cheated once or twice NO one can prepare you for the pain, for me it felt like my whole relationship with him was a lie, the things that went through my head drove me crazy, I seriously thought i was loosing it, the amount of lies I was told only made the matter worse....my only left thought was " what a coward " does he have so little respect for me that he cant tell me the truth.
I had only been with my partner a year and half when I found a text on his phone saying " im having horny thoughts about you " he said it was a wrong number, i even called the number and he still denied it....but i spoke to the woman and she said it had been going on for years, it was an on line affair, i dont care if anyone classes that as not cheating because to me it was cheating emotionally and it hurt me soooooooo much.
it hurt me because from day one of meeting me he was e-mailing her and telling her how horny he felt etc.... he wanted to meet her for sex but she wouldnt do it although she did have sex with him years before...this is what i was told though !!!
This happened in march 2011 and I have never got over it...I dont want to spend my life wondering if he is lying again, I dont want to go through that pain again, he never actually sat down and discussed it with me so I came to the conclusion I meant nothing to him, my whole relationship was a lie, it was not trusting and he proved he didnt want a future with me....so what am I going to do...
Well i am spending xmas with friends and not him and after xmas i am leaving him...I am worth so much more...I gave him a change to prove himself but i still dont feel special, he doesnt realize that not only has he caused me the most horrendous pain anyone can have but my frineds now look at me and think i have no self respect..... I dont believe all men cheat and im going to start 2013 as a new year.... im worth more than him and i will be happy one day......

written by nicole3, 05 December, 2011

Hi, I have a confusing situation. My husband is a maintenance supervisor in an apartment complex close to our home. I have been with him for almost 11 years (together since senior year in hs) and we have 3 children together. I have had problem with him talking a little too much with women in the workplace in the past, and have never suspected him of cheating. I still don’t suspect him of cheating, but want to get some opinions (dont want to be the naive wife). I always bring it up to him if I feel that he is getting to close with women he is working with, but this time I havent said anything. We recently attended his companys Christmas party which rose suspicion with me. There is young girl,(which Ive always known about). He occasionally comes home and tells me about things that they talk about. I became suspicious when we were at the party and she introduced herself to me, then proceeded to say something that I had said to my husband about her (in almost the exact words) leaving me to believe that he has told her what I said about her. Then on a couple of occasions I would go into the kitchen to get food for my children and would come back out to see him starring directly at her (the last time it happened he turned to see me looking directly at him). Then when it was time to go, I was going around to say goodbye to everyone while still keeping my eye on the both of them. Whenever I would turn their way, they would both look away from each other in the most uncomfortable way (very fidgety and nervous like). I have given him the silent treatment since then which has been 2 days. Normally he would ask if everything was okay, but this time he hasn’t. He has been super nice and avoided discussing whats been bothering me as if he already knows. I don’t want to jump to conclusions (or act like a jealous maniac), but at the same time, I don’t want to sit here like a dummie and be cheated on. So confused on what to do next! Any insight helps!

written by Sick of other women, 30 December, 2011

Stop telling people to "just leave", that’s just stupid. Putting yourself in a homeless situation in this economy is not smart. Some women are just horrible and only come here to make others feel bad with their superior attitudes and stupid platitudes.

written by dumb ass on the side, 01 February, 2012

Was with my "married" bf for almost 3 years who promised me that his marriage would be over..6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months did not know when but they lived as room mates and he loved me (yes, I am a dumb ass). Anyhoo, she found out, I spoke with her, she said exactly these words which is really said "I stay with him because I am just embarrassed that he cheated on me". That broke my heart. That only reason to stay with her cheating husband who she did admit they did just live as roommates, had to stay with him even though she was pretty positive something else was happening on the side just because she didnt want to be embarrassed?..What??? That broke my heart. He is a stupid as mother fucker who hurt everyone involved. If he cheats, leave his disrespectful, lying, stupid ass!

written by effoo, 14 February, 2012

This is gold.

You will never save your marriage without being heart moron.

Lets get some basic facts first
1. you could be over suspicious
2. these could be lies or not don’t assume
3. they make a product in japan that detects small amounts of seamen so buy it and test his cloths after you think he is cheating.
4. welcome to life guys want to screw every chick in the world regardless of anything.
5. of all places to post this you post this on the internet without asking for help else ware.

OK now that that’s out of the way we can fix this

I’m sorry but there are 2 ways to go
1) live with the fact that he may be cheating on you
2) leave him knowing full well that your child will be greatly affected.

written by bb jayw, 20 February, 2012

Well I will add just so I can feel better. I have been with my husband almost 4 years and before we got married I realized he had a porn addiction and texted other girls; telling one at three in the morning "give me some head". But I was pregnant and naive so I married him. Every time he changes his numbers that same girl "somehow" gets it and I see texts from her. I feel like I don’t deserve to have a husbnd that I have to constantly check behind to see who he is texting! But this week he didn’t come right home from work he didn’t call or text me where he was and after 5 hours, I went lookin for him at midnight and here he comes down the street telling me he went to the skating rink. He didn’t have any money to get in and his skates were at home and he was coming from the wrong direction! So that prompted me to go through his phone and I see what seemed like hundreds of calls and texts to some mystery girl. As someone said above its already bad enough but he LIES LIKE AN OLD DIRTY RUG which makes it worse. Everytime I ask the story changes. And if I have to go to court to see what those text messages say I will. Divorce will cost us to much so I’m saving up and as soon as I can leave I WILL!!!

written by luna22, 17 March, 2012

I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past 3 yrs. lately he as always going out and wont let me touch his phone, he recently broke up bec I was suspecting him of cheating, he is always denying and I don’t have a proof. but after 3 days he spoke to me and we got back together, but on the same day, I don’t know what’s got into me something telling me to check the pocket of his pants I found a hotel receipt, I called up the hotel and they said that its only for 1 person, I don’t know hat to do. if I will confront him he will just lie and make stories. if I didn’t it will be in my mind always. what should I do? anybody?

written by lonely guy, 28 March, 2012

I had been with my gf for almost a year when she gave me her facebook password to post little lovey dovey things on her wall. That’s when I saw that all of her inbox messages had been deleted except ones from family and girls. I knew something was up but didnt know if it really meant anything. Thats when I was going through my own stuff and realized that even conversations you "delete" from your recent messages stay archived no matter what, so I decided to dig around in her stuff because of my suspicion. Lo and behold, I found she had been talking to guys I had told her not to (they constantly hit on her), and there were messages between her and this guy for 7...count it 7 months out of the year we had been together that included way too many "i love you so much", "youre so beautiful", hearts, talks of sex, talks of long phone calls, talks of video chatting with "ive got something to show you ", etc. I confronted her about it and she denied it to the death, telling me it was all joking, yet it was 7 months of nothing but joking...no regular conversation at all unless it was talks of her breaking up with me. To this day, she still won’t admit it at all. I had showed it to her mom as well who told me it looked really bad, but my guess is that she convinced her mom it was joking as well. I don’t buy that crap. I told her I was going to message the guy and ask what was going on, but she kept telling me how he was only going to lie and say that they did have something together. Doesn’t that sound the least bit fishy? I agreed not to, but I told her to prove it to me by texting him about it herself and to forward me the messages and then show them to me in person on her phone (since I’m 350 miles away in college and was coming back the next day). She forwarded me a bunch of seemingly fake messages, since the guys tone of voice through text had no similarity to his tone of voice in the messages I read. Then when I got back, she told me she accidentally deleted the messages. Bull. I just ended it with her because I feel betrayed and will never be able to trust her again. So ladies, guys aren’t the only ones that cheat just so you know, and aren’t the only ones that are going to deny it to the death.

written by repentant, 08 April, 2012

I had been married for 8 years.
Physical closeness was never my wife’s strong point (she wasn’t into random hugs or kisses around the house).
After we had two children we would go for three months with no physical contact. I retreated into a shell of ‘looking after myself’ and eventually thinking to myself that it was over – but I didn’t want my two girls growing up with no Dad – I loved them. I also loved my wife as well. If you live with someone for so long, how can you find someone else as attractive?
At work, I became close to a colleague who was also going through a breakup – her husband had left her completely. We shared feelings. Bad move.
Over time, and after one drunk evening dinner with other colleagues we had sex. This happened again a week later.
I felt such remorse I called it off and we never spoke for a year. Until another dinner with colleagues – again too much wine. We had sex one last time. This caused me so much more guilt and remorse.
My wife was convinced I was having an affair with someone else at work – a woman I just got along with as we shared a sense of humor (something my wife and I do not share – very different humor).

She was drinking a lot. Regularly and quite violent arguments.
I ended up admitting to her about it. Told the whole ugly truth. I knew I didn’t have to but couldn’t go on any more. I thought that it was the end.
Life was awful for a couple of years. We went to a counselor for a series of $300 an hour sessions. Not a lot of use. She still got drunk regularly and aggressive at me. I was so angry at myself – and now had to deal with her as well. I knew I deserved it.
Until one night about a year later. We went out, she got drunk and refused to leave the bar. After about an hour, I left her with one of her colleagues. She ended up coming home at 5am drunk to paralysis having sex with me telling me she had slept with someone.
So she got her revenge.
Here is the difference.
I was wrong. I know that. I still have a large guilt cloud over me five years later.
She says she doesn’t feel any remorse. She feels justified. She didn’t do anything wrong. I did.

Five years later, we still aren’t 100%. I have learned my lesson and wouldn’t contemplate anything bad. We still have our kids’ best interests at heart, still love each other but still argue regularly.

We drink a lot less now and argue less – funny that.
I have had a sea-change in thoughts about sex and relationships. The reality is that I couldn’t find someone like my wife again – I am so physically attracted to her. If I can only cope with the parts of her personality that make it difficult to live with her.

Moral of the story ladies – Some men stray for different reasons but we aren’t all in denial. Some of us hurt just as much as you.

What do you do if you marry someone, have kids and then realize you are truly really different?
Leave the kids? Split the family up?

written by ajnabee, 12 April, 2012

my father has an affair. We all know it. but he keeps on saying she is just his SISTER.
I am a teenage girl from India. Family consists of mother. father and brother. My father is the hero of this story.
He is now retired and she was his clerk. That time he used to leave early and come late ie he would leave at 7 in the morning for his 10 am job. At home he never talked much to none of us(only thing was shouting and scolding everyone of us). At home he used to do her clerical jobs(we came to know later). That time they used to travel together a lot for inspection works and al.All those times we knew nothing. Then once he invited her family for lunch. tat day we found more about their relation.throughout the lunch he was trying to pamper her, impress her and all. He was always an arrogant strict person. But that day we saw a completely opposite person. A notorious miser that day presented his clerk and husband expensive gifts.
My mother already had problems with it but never voiced it to us. Later on when mom confronted him he told her that she is his sister, he is very close to her and she will remain in his life forever,she is the reason for his happiness etc. my mom is a very weak person and though she hates him now don’t know how to resist and protest.
He never used to buy us anything but nowadays does shopping for her children. He hates both of us and shouts at us even when we are in deep pain or trouble. he has once told me he is just doing his responsibility to me and doesn’t love me.
Now he is enjoying his retirement life. Mostly he reads books. It is not actually reading. One can find him smiling looking at somewhere. And if we disturb him he will simply abuse.
We think that they meet once or twice during a month. Since he don’t want to create a wrong impression in her husbands mind he bullies my mother to make phone calls to her house.He starts and ends his days by reading her messages and he has openly told my mom that he will live rest of his life in her memory. Everyday I see my mom’s tears and hear my father’s abuses. I simply want to get the hell out of this.
In my whole life i never had a normal conversation with him and hurts me lot to see him thriving to talk with her child.
Pls say something.......

written by betrayed wife 78, 26 April, 2012

Hi, I am So shocked and surprised after reading all these true stories of betrayal, I have been married nearly 8 years and we have 3 kids. We were very much in love at the beginning of he marriage and i always thought the love was there but family circumstances ( living in a joint family) did put pressure on our relationship and we didn’t have as much time for each other ad we should. Recently over the past few years I realized he would go out to play pool a little too often and come home at 4 in the morning nearly every weekend. Then I realized he didn’t even want to know me, like even care for me in my last pregnancy. And then over past year we were arguing so much, and it was to do with him
Never giving me any time and attention, always being out late. I always had suspicions come to my mind about other women,but chose to ignore them and said to myself he couldn’t cheat on me. However when he recently about 6 months ago changed jobs,he had to give his obviously work phone back and he had a personal number which according to me he never even switched on because he had given work number to everyone. Now he had no choice but to use his personal number until his new company gave him a work phone,I realized he never let me touch the phone, I thought maybe because it’s an I phone and he is being extra careful,then I just got more and more suspicious as he would spend hours in the bathroom and just wasn’t interested in me. I watched carefully as he unlocked the phone for the kids one day and memorized the pin code. I would search every day for his phone and one might he was fast asleep and I found it, and I saw he was chatting to various girls, but before I could read the battery died and I didn’t have charger. He somehow knew I had sneaked cuz I sneaked into his car the next night but found he had changed the pin number. We then had a very bad argument and he went off abroad for work, then I suddenly had a thought, why had I never thought about checking his phone bills, I went into his study and went through everything I found so many bills,I
Opened the most recent one,£ 780 !!!!! I couldn’t believe, it was text messages non
Stop and phone calls to a number in the US then I scoured other bills,there were other numbers, mostly to the Philippines and this US number, I rang the number and i told her I was his wife who was she,basically they were in a serious online relationship, and I asked if it was sexual,she said yes, he had even shown himself naked to her and she loved him deeply,she apologized for being the one to break my heart but he made her believe he was single and was planning to see her in July. When I texted other numbers, they didn’t want to talk and one agreed he was a dickhead cheat. I swore at him and tried to ring he wouldn’t answer his phone, he begged sorry over text and came home and refused to talk but said he loved me only and was being stupid, my heart not at rest I hacked into his email and messenger and pretended to be him and chat to the girls,they all loved him, thought they were in deep relationships with him, then I confronted two of them
About who I was, one told me he sent her naked pics too and was a sex addict. Then I pretended to be him to the girl I had spoken to,the one he was going hot with at that tome, she quickly forgave him and she was talking about his bits dnf pieces about seeing him
Naked and then telling how much she lives him and wants to settle. I confronted him ,he keeps saying sorry but is still lying as he won’t admit to it, he says I was wrong but there’s lies there too, I said one of them think she still chatting to u, how can that be a lie, I need advice, from past 2 months I am going mad with this, I live him, but I can’t get it out of my mind, I constantly checking things , I wake up crying At night, I randomly have break downs, he changed number, each time I want to talk about it he goes mad and we argue, how can I get closure if he won’t accept responsibility and not go bad at me, he has no right to go mad at me, then after few days I will get sorry text and I melt, then I get those thoughts again and I go mad and q him and he reacts same. How can we save my marriage,how can I let go, it’s all I think about 24:7. Help....

written by CantGetRight, 16 May, 2012

I have known this girl for 7 years. We met on Halloween and I took her home the first night and had sex. For the next few weeks we would have sex here and there, then just like that, she was gone. No texts, no calls..nothing. Then out of the blue months later, she sent me a message on myspace, and we were back at it, then again, gone. This pattern continued for years, over half a dozen times. I was fine with the situation, and then it changed:
February of 2011, she sends me a message on facebook after a long absence. We meet, have sex. I feel bad because I had a girlfriend who I was on the rocks with. I never told this girlfriend, I know no that was wrong. I left her for this new one, and never looked back. Things were AWESOME. she was so loving and helpful and beautiful and we shared the best moments. we never fought and shared life views who we thought we would never share with anyone....blah blah blah. Then overnight, she changed. cold, mean, vile, distracting, violent. This was around october 2011. I kept having to make up for this or that, and nothing I did was good enough. I named myself CantGetRight. She got into these rages where her facial structure literally changed and she looked evil. She would say things like : "you donf f**k me right" and "you got a small co*k" and other mean things. It was damaging. I never had trouble performing in the past, then it was like I couldn’t stay erect, which made matters worse, a bad downward spiral it was. The fighting and disrespect got so bad that I threw her out, quite literally. Then we tried it again and its not the same. Given our history, I asked if she had been with anyone else. She said no. I believed her. I find out she lies, and it is still going on. I have proof, and she still denies it. its crazy the lies she comes up with. I almost believe her due to the confusion around the situation until I snap back into it. She calls me on the phone and I swear she having sex while talking to me. At first I thought I was crazy, but Im afraid its happening. She will never admit it. I feel like she enjoys the taboo sex and actually likes when I am freaking out on the other end of the phone. When I play it cool, and dont care, She gets mad and hangs up. I told her to come clean and we can move forward together, but she would rather lose me than to come clean. I still love her, but I have to call it off. There is only so much hurt a person can take before their heart wont put itself out there to be squashed again. If they only knew how demoralizing their actions are...who knows, maybe it would fuel them further.
It is too bad that they are so greedy for this power, that they lose it so quickly. Little do they know that within the time it took to write this down, I came to my own realization:
I am tall, dark, handsome, kind, compassionate, respectful, articulate, intelligent, and believes in love. I AM a catch, and I am better now than I was when I met her. I deserve the best, and I will have it....far away from those that work harder in creating an illusion of "great" around them than in making actual changes toward greatness in themselves.
--Dalia D. Quinonez from Phoenix, AZ DOB 12/31/83, you truly are a terrible person and a liar of the worst kind. The world shall know of your wicked ways, you deserve it--

I wrote the following poem: Please take it and send it to whoever wont come clean and leave their ass on a high note. Send it, and DO NOT CALL AGAIN! Feel free to modify as needed. Please re-post your success storied and versions. A dynamic deception destroying doctrine. Good luck to you all out there that are dealing with these monsters.

The Gambit

With little shame it seems you lie,
of your ways I quickly knew.
You took me, aimed to scar me...
a blunder...I forgive you.

The acts themselves were vile.
yet you read me wrong...wrong fears.
But for not the deed you lost me,
but for denial, smoke, and mirrors.

I quit now while you think you’ve won,
the trophy just shines within your head,
replaced with qualm the triumph now gone,
once heard of joy now warms my bed.

For you placed a bet that I’m a fool,
I’m lacking sorrow for your loss.
From my office, a lesson to the novice...
dont gamble with The Boss.

written by sooo dumb, 18 May, 2012

I believed my boyfriend sooo much to the point that he was able to hide a whole secret life from me complete with a baby and a new baby mamma!! Yea. I knew it. I knew it from the moment him and her first started dating and becoming physical. But he would lie sooo much. He even lied to me about why she had pics on Facebook of him holding her pregnant stomach and then later the baby. So after finally calling her and finding out the truth and how she had known about me THE WHOLE TME!!!! I broke up with him and kicked him out!

But like an idiot I took him back only a few weeks later after he begged and cried at my doorstep.... yea I know, stupid but I was (an still am) in love with him! He took my virginity and was my first boyfriend ever. He still continues to lie though, I know it. He says they just had a baby together and it was nothing emotional and how he has love for her but he’s not IN LOVE with her and that he just messed up and he’s sorry.. Whatever (straight bull). But I’ve told him multiple times that I can’t move forward with forgiving him if I can’t get a meeting with all of us.
He says when the time is right but I have a feelings he’s going to hold out for as long as possible because THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER! He lied about going down there for mother’s day when there was pictures of it!!! Anyways I’m leaving him AS SOON as I get my money that he owes me!!! He won’t give it to me if he knows that I’m going to leave him so I’m going to play stupid little girlfriend till he gives it to me then I’m GONE!! He will never know where I went. No goodbye or nothing. I’m changing my number and already have a house ready in another city.. See ya!!!

written by boo boo, 04 June, 2012

He call her and she text him and tell him she love him....trying to make me think that she has a boy friend telling me nothing but lies....he get mad when i call her and then tell me that’s his boy girl my question is why is she calling u telling you she want to make love to him.i had it with him......i left him in 2006 until our son pass away in 2010 i came back he was on drugs for 30 yrs and got clean for 2yrs and back on drugs she on drugs to.....so I’m leaving 4 good

written by Jean T., 04 July, 2012

I was in a similar situation that I have read so many "sweet texts", my husband calling the b*ch, my love...Prolonged calls... updated picture in his cellphone. Worse, my husband encourage me to befriend the b*ch during the time that the affair is not suspected yet. The b*ch fondly told me her husband’s infidelity and how she copes with it. She even told me she found somebody special and they hang out together quite sometime. But upon seeing text messages that is so unusual for a boss (the b*ch) and a subordinate (my husband), I began suspecting their illicit affair.

I copied her Facebook account and the b*ch got angry and my husband sided on her. He even cursed me just to make me close the account. The b*ch openly flirts with him and telling him what a loser I was to fight her.

I was so furious upon seeing my husband text messages for her (just a number I have memorized) with another number I suspected to be hers too and the messages suggested me a more intimate relationship. I also found out about the sex enhancing pills located at our car’s compartment, hidden and 1 pill was already consumed. ‘Twas the time when I decided to tell the b*ch’s husband and I angered her more filing a libel suit for me.

I have no other choice but to save our marriage because I don’t wanna follow my parents’ footsteps so I agreed to make amends. I’ve written an apology.

What bothers me nowadays is the discovery of a number in his phone bill he loaded three times? I called the number and when it replied "I wasn’t able to take your call" my husband text message followed saying "Oh my, it’s my wife’s number! What the hell are you doing?"... it was sent wrongly to my number.

When I confronted my husband, he was so cool as if he had done nothing wrong. I can’t find any mysterious test messages on his phone nowadays and I seemed so anxious when he is leaving home. What can you advise me?

written by justkeepingitreal, 18 July, 2012

All you women are whining and pathetic. You write all the posts about how screwed up your men are, you go through their phones, banks statements, GPS, etc. If you have to spend all that time going thru his stuff, leave the man, because obviously you can’t trust him, but yet through all of your complaining, you still stick around and use the BS excuse of I love him or we have children together. I have one simple solution, get over it or get out!

written by justkeepingitreal, 18 July, 2012

"have often wondered why so many of us stay with cheaters knowing full well that they are creeps and we are angels..."
Hey "lapp" to respond to your comment above, yeah alot of men are creeps but I can promise you not all of you women are angels, if you were, men wouldn’t have any one to cheat with, would they?

written by Mtnflowercat, 19 July, 2012

Hey "justkeepingitreal" one of the things that is going on is not that we don’t want to leave and get out of this "relationship" it’s that the one who is cheating and lying and deceiving, won’t LET US GO!
The ego they have is so small that they are can’t live without us, and the more they do bad the worse it is. They so want to be loved they go outside the relationship for approval. And then they feel like such an animal, having sex on a sidewalk, in a car, at a park that they want to try to be human again and can’t handle OUR rejection! So they suck us in and make us believe they have changed...few do...but my friends we are dealing with someone who feels like the lowest thing on the planet and they really are desperate! If they find a spiritual path and commit to that, then, and only then, should they have a chance. Nothing will change without even a temporary separation though.

written by Mtnflowercat, 19 July, 2012

Sexual addiction experts point out that addicts require a permanent relationship so they can cheat, it’s part of the equation that they get off on. It makes it very difficult to overcome and stay in the same relationship after years of their serial cheating and poor relationships of any depth.

written by AlluringJ, 21 August, 2012

Gosh Men do LIE and the best excuse has always been – We are just friends! Bullshit! 1.5 years into our relationship and found 4 days ago that he was cheating on me with a girl he met – 11 months into our relationship. He also told me about meeting her and i never had a good feeling about it so I was constantly on the look out and finally the truth revealed but what i cannot still stand he denied everything and said that woman is going psycho and she just wants to hurt us! That’s all. I have evidence but i do not know how to make him confess and the worst is this man has been there with me through my thick and thin and so has he.. Just weird how these men work? Now I dont know if I can trust him and be with him or just slap across his face and ask him to go to hell. The dilemma kills!!

written by Help please, 25 August, 2012

I have a big issue I had an emotional affair and one physical affair with same person only lasted 4 months I broke it off. I just found out yesterday that the girl my
Husband had house sitting while he was in Cali and I was in Ohio he was sending her hundreds of dollars on his bank of America card so I wouldn’t see it coming out of the account this happened 4 times then I found out he sent her long stem red roses. He said that they were just friends and it was for when her mother in law passed but she passed mid July he sent the flowers on the 8th and the card said love you with all my heart new beginning in 8 days. I found her number in his phone and I found a couple other girls in there too one says random bar girl I think that this flower girl is out in Cali because he isn’t allowing me or my kids to go out there he said it was because he was trying to get away from me to cool off after my drama. Yes I was thinking of leaving him before but my guilt kicked in and then reality set in and I realized what I was loosing. I found out from her step dad that he heahs her tell someone they are serving me divorce papers when he gets back and they are either
Going to let me stay in house and they’ll get their own place or they are going to kick me out and stay there together. They also want to take the kids from me I think her dad thinks she’s been out there a couple times before. I’m a stay home mom with no job haven’t worked in 7 yrs have no family down here. The woman drinks and smokes like crazy. She tooky daughter for a walk and got drunk with her in her care. She went to a neighbors house didn’t bother to call or text me I kept texting and calling her but she didn’t answer or anything. Finally when I texted her and said I’ve been trying to get hold of you for over 3 hrs I had my neighbors out looking for my baby cause I had my son at the house and didn’t known
Way around we’re they said they’d be she then sent my daughter home and came to house barely able to walk up the stairs. I’m also thinking of getting a restraining order on her. I don’t want my marriage over I’m lookin into hiring a pi

written by honesty starts with self, 04 September, 2012

Do not waste any more of your precious time on this planet wondering if the person you love is cheating or not.It doesn’t take a psychology degree to figure out whether or not a person that you are used to being with day in and day out is telling you the truth or ‘acting different’. People that are being used by a cheater/liar should NOT tolerate their disrespect and GAIN their own self respect-whether you’re the ‘unsuspecting’ partner or the fool involved with a married person. Once is a mistake- more than that is a problem.Let it be the cheaters problem- not yours.

written by Lisa Heather, 14 September, 2012

Oh this is a very stressful situation, what is the right time to stand firm and finally say.. this is nonsense. Then, one day I find my self checking out some stuff... to actually give my husband.. that’s odd

written by Clare Zidane, 27 September, 2012

Similar situation....
My husband who I have been with for over 10 years married for 6 with 2 beautiful daughters, has been having an inappropriate friendship with another woman for at last 6 months.

Constant messaging – in the start only she was flirty, then i found out they were flying 100’s of mile each to meet up. I saw a message from her saying "as only as its only you socializing- and not your little man’. I confronted him he said it was just messages and he’d have a word with her to rein it back.

Despite him saying he wants me i later found he had emailed her staying he ‘didn’t want to be here at all and would only go to this place if his hamster was there to play with’! I confronted him with this he said he was sorry he didn’t mean it he was just trying to make her feel better as she’s going through a hard time.

As he left to go back to work I told him to get her out of his life or he wasn’t coming home, he agreed and seemed to be really trying, booked for us to go away when he returned everything seemed to be back on track he said he’d done as i’d asked although he had bumped into her once when he was out with friends. Now i find that the contact hasn’t lessened at all although its not as flirty, but what has ripped my guts out is that less than 24 hours after him agreeing to get her out of his life he emailed her a picture of his erect penis! When i found this I told him to pack his stuff and get out!

I’m in a mess I love him so much, I’m not a jealous or untrusting person but surely you don’t send a picture of your erect penis to someone you’re not sleeping with?

I’m trying to stay strong and not contact him but in my heart I just want him back – how pathetic am I?

written by Can’t Break Free, 29 October, 2012

I’ve been married/with this man for 25 years of my life. He’s been abusive and controlling for 23 of those years. I never stood up for myself. I found out in Dec 2010 he was texting and going out with a coworker 10 years younger than he was. We have 3 children. I couldn’t believe he would do this. He say they were just friends. She text him at midnight to see if he got home ok. I called her, she say he’s a friend she wanted to make sure he got home ok. He takes her out all the time and I found the receipts. He helped her moved. Left my child sitting at school for hours waiting to be picked up. He then said he wants to just be roommates and he no longer wish to wear his ring.
He was let go from his work. He still continues to deny he was having an affair. I found a receipt one day of him buying food a mile from her trailer house.
He drove 60 miles to buy food cuz he owe her lunch. I said if he didn’t tell me the truth i would drive and see her. He confessed to sleeping with her. He said it just happened because we were fighting all the time

I emailed her and her coworker and show them the evidences. I told her i would put on her facebook her slutty story. She had the police put a restraining order for me not contact her. The officer called me and said he won’t file but asked that I left her alone.
She broke up with him and found a new man a month later.

I took him back even after all that.
I’m such a looser. I can’t seem to let him go. He never opens the door for me or take me out but he did all that for this woman.

I’ve been working it out with him for my children for about a year now. I found out Saturday he was lying again. He drove to another town and had dinner with an ugly ass chick. Of course he still denies it. He say it was just a customer who happens to be there at the same restaurant.
Right...
now what do I do?

I want to kick him out but I can’t seem to do it.
I just want it to end. I’m so embarrassed, that I let it happen twice. Both with women that are so ugly. I have no idea what he saw in them.

help.

written by sad panda, 24 November, 2012

i have been with my boyfriend for 8 yrs and recently found texts from another girl. i am so crushed every man i’ve ever been with has cheated on me an he is no different. i phoned her and she says they’re just friends and he completely denied her existence even when caught red handed. i know hes done it before and hell probably do it again. its so hard too i met him when i was pregnant with my youngest and hes the only father hes ever known and i know this is going to tear him apart. i just cant go on like this. if it happened once then maybe i could work through it but he continues to do it and i just cant live like this anymore.

written by Sad & depressed, 20 December, 2012

About 6 months ago I discovered that my husband had been getting "massages". I discovered this by going through his phone calls and text messages (something im not proud of) When I confronted him he admitted it and while things got bad enough for me to leave for a while, we have since been trying to work on our marriage. I seriously thought things were getting better. Then this week I got an inkling that things weren’t as they seemed. My husband claimed that I was smothering him and he needed space. I felt suspicious and again went through his phone. I found a series of text messages and a call log to a woman. Now he has wiped his call log and the messages. He claims she is a client and that he has done nothing wrong – I made the mistake of confronting him without enough evidence. It doesn’t make sense to me that she is a client as they have met for lunch at least twice that I know of, we’re speaking every day and she was sending him messages saying what a wonderful time she had had and to have a beautiful day and when could they meet again. (can’t check now as he has wiped his call log and messages). I don’t know what to do as he categorically denies any wrongdoing. How can I get him to admit the truth to me? I love my husband and want to fix my marriage but I cannot stand the lies. Help!

written by WillBeFree, 07 January, 2013

@Sad and Depressed:

Here’s an old-fashioned, inexpensive way to catch a cheater:

I had found hundreds of txts between my husband and a woman he had known for 1 week. This while he said he was too busy to txt me during the day (now I know why) He claimed he stopped txting/seeing her, but I knew he was; he was always on his phone, and I glimpsed a few msgs, but he would erase them too. He put a new password on his phone, and he was suddenly super "busy" at work until 1 am night after night. He even claimed to "fall asleep at work" until 4am. (whatever)
What I did:
1. I dropped the subject and treated him kindly.
2. I bought a voice-activated recorder and hid it in the car for a couple days. I heard my husband picking up his mistress, they talked about everything they had done thus far, and...lets just say, I got more info than I bargained for.
3. The kicker? When I confronted him, his response was "great, now I don’t have to sneak around anymore".
I confronted her too, and she apologized repetitively, and asked if they could remain friends. I said "no". She went ahead and had a sexual relationship with him after that anyway.
I have concrete evidence they had a physical affair, gave him details he knows I wouldn’t have unless I knew, and
he still denies it!!! He tells me it is "none of my business", I told him "If we’re married, IT IS MY BUSINESS, and if you don’t want it to be my business, we can’t be married".
I get the impression he doesn’t want to split up, because he doesn’t want to leave our house and children and face the reality with his family, friends etc. He’s been dragging his heels on separating. He wants me to stay and pretend everything is okay while he dates this girl and ignores me at home. ...not going to work!
I offered him my forgiveness, but he is not willing to accept it.
Ultimately, I cannot trust such a notorious liar, so I am WALKING AWAY.

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION:

1. You cannot "get him" to admit the truth unless he is willing to. A cheating spouse has the "best of both worlds: the security of a home and family and the excitement of the single life. Few will spontaneously give it up if you are just gonna sit there and let them continue their nonsense.

2. You cannot fix your marriage unless he also wants to with all his heart. We went to 2 great Pastors and 2 experienced therapists, and it was just a denial/blame game for him because he had no intention of working on it. I will always love my husband, and would love to fix my marriage too, but it will never happen by me being a doormat and enabling his behavior. I am better off alone.

written by WillBeFree, 07 January, 2013

@ Can’t break Free: Yes you can, you have to...don’t stay just for the kids if he’s treating you badly. My mother did this, we could see their relationship was a mess, and that he had no respect for her. I would have just preferred them to split. My brothers grew up to disrespect women, and cheat, and I clearly learned to tolerate this abuse (yes, cheating is a form of emotional abuse). You may not feel like you can make it alone, but you can, you will. I strongly recommend you speak to a qualified therapist and get tools to gain confidence to choose what’s best for you. perspective is everything:

Everyone who has 2 working legs, loves having 2 legs to stand on. You can to walk, run, skip and jump. If one foot is infected to the point that it is poisoning your body, and causing you constant pain, you may not want to amputate it and go though life with one leg, so you learn put up with the pain, hoping it will get better. Eventually your pain and suffering seems normal, expected. However, given the choice between being an amputee and being dead, most would choose the amputation. You will eventually recover, and adjust and enjoy life again. You will miss your leg, no doubt, but will have a relief from the grief it once caused, and may wonder how you put up with the misery your leg caused you. You may even learn to walk with a prosthesis, and run, skip and jump once more.

written by Bigguts, 08 January, 2013

I see this is all about men who cheat. Well let me tell you something – when men cheat, they cheat with women. So women are the most cheaters in the world and they are so quick to judge and point fingers at me. Women just need to build a bridge and get over it – this problem has been in existence since dooms day and its never gonna stop as long there is a female species to collaborate with men in cheating.......

written by WillBeFree, 08 January, 2013

This forum is about husbands who won’t confess, hence the recurring theme...

Yes, men and women are both cheaters, but some men and women actually want to be monogamous.

If a person wants to sleep with multiple partners, that is their choice.
However, it is not fair to inflict the of that consequences choice on someone, and subject them to the without their consent.
I got married, and made Covenant vows before God and witnesses to "forsake all others" and keep myself only to husband for life, because I wanted the freedom of not needing condoms, and not worrying about STIs, and the enjoyment that comes with making love, which is distinct from "having sex"
If people don’t want to do this, they should be honest with themselves, not get married, and date other people who also don’t mind sharing. Just stop wrecking family oriented people’s lives!

written by sunny52, 25 January, 2013

When i was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd child, i found out we were losing our home we had worked so hard to have... he had been lying to me about making payments on it for the last 3 months and we were so far behind there was no saving it, i was completely blindsided and furious... when i confronted him about the house he told me i was a bitch and left... and from that day on he would leave at night, not come home... be" late at work" and go to the gym nonstop...( that was new also)... i knew something else was going on and finally checked the cell bill and saw the same number on there at least 800 times a day from 11am when they both prob would wake up.. til 5am the next morning.... yet" they are just friends" i told him i am not an idiot and don’t believe a word of it.... my 5 year old would cry he never sees his dad anymore and when i would tell my husband how could he do this crap to make our kids cry, he said he would of come home, if i wasn’t being such a bitch... this all was a year ago now... i wanted to badly to get a divorce, pack up and leave the day i saw this.. i am not a doormat and don’t like to feel like one... but i stopped working after our 2nd child because we have no daycare... i am truly stuck and he still says ‘ he didn’t do anything wrong".. and he forgot hes not allowed to have friends.... and that they just talked, but i don’t think that any girl would stay up til 6am talking to a’ friend" shes known 6 months... unless shes getting something out of it.... i’ve told him if he even wants things to be civil for our kids sake he needs to come completely clean and hide nothing but just gets snippy and says " it isn’t my fault you don’t like the answer".... i will never understand why people cheat, its so disgusting... if you want to do that, then just leave and don’t come back

written by sunny54, 26 January, 2013

To "willbefree" i can completely feel your pain, i got the exact same junk, the denial, when he would disappear for over a day and i was pregnant and had 2 kids at home, he would tell me" its none of my f*ing business" where he was.. i said as long as were married it sure as hell is my business.... then i would get cussed out and told how it was my fault he didnt come home, that he was going to come home but i made him mad and he wasn’t about to come home to’ that".... obviously it was my fault for texting him at4am asking him if he had any intention of coming home... i finally locked him out of the house one time... he didn’t carry house keys, and would always go in through the garage... well i sent a simple text and said if you want to abandon everyone you have no business coming back and locked all the doors.. he nearly broke the door of trying to get in the next day... i told him to go move in with this moron he was seeing and he laughed in my face... apparently i couldn’t see the humor in any of this. and then out of nowhere, he just stopped everything... and expected me to pretend everything’s fine and still does because" time has passed" i said time doesn’t heal an open gaping wound and time doesn’t make me forget how trashy and disgusting you have been, time doesn’t heal lies.. or undo the past.

written by somegirl, 26 January, 2013

If a girl messaged you through Facebook and told you he cheated but he denies it, would you be able to just let it go?

written by Nick Glenn, 28 January, 2013

I am taking my girlfriend to take a polygraph test it costs about $300 but I WILL get the truth one way or another. I am going to tell her if she tells me before we go I will stay and try to work things out but if she lies on even one question I am done.

written by EX mrs. v, 05 February, 2013

i’ve had suspicions my husband has been cheating on my for a long time. no solid proof, but again everything adding up to look like i was being made a fool. i get this facebook message from one of his sluts, he’s been telling her all along he wants to be with her and he wants her to have his baby. he tried to tell me she is just some jealous girl who will do anything to have him because he denied her and i’m supposed to just ignore her. but, everything she is saying is absolutely and positively true. all his lies are coming to the top now and i am done. he even took me to africa to meet his parents and all his friends and i come home to find this message on my page. he is a disgusting excuse for a man, let alone a human being. i’m so glad we haven’t had any children because i wouldn’t want a precious child to have to go thru this mess. i am telling him it is over tonight, for good. i’ve threatened to leave him in the past, but he always talks me into staying. why tell me you love me more than anything and i am your soul mate and best friend, that you want me to have your children and YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON MY WITH WHO KNOWS HOW MANY WOMEN??? disgusting. i will never understand men. i always had friends who said they will never trust another man again because of what one did to her, and i told them to have faith. but now i feel the same way. he was the love of my life. and now, it’s all ashes. because of him. ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, AMAZINGLY STRONG WOMEN OUT THERE WHO ARE DEALING WITH A CHEATING BF/HUSBAND you need to leave, there is better out there and you deserve it!!!!!!!! realize this and you will be happier than ever!

written by Crying over you, 12 March, 2013

My lover has a wife. They haven’t seen each other for 3 years, as she lives in another country. I was working together with him, and slowly, gradually over the course of 3 months, fell in love with him. And finally we got together. He didn’t know when he’d see his wife again, and I was determined for it to finish when she did arrive. Then I started to get the gut feelings that will be so familiar to other readers here. And I saw his photo on dating sites, text messages from women, etc. women’s things in his room, which he hardly took me to, as he preferred to come to my home. He even set up a bed in our shared work space, which was covered in women’s hair. He denied everything, and I put up with it for months. Then I finally rang one of the numbers on his phone and spoke to a woman, who told me that he spoke to her about me, about some of the intimate everyday things we’d shared. He denies knowing her. He denies everything, I suppose, to protect his wife and future life with her. Even though this relationship has been illicit itself, and I live with the shame of that, the remaining pain is of the betrayals, and the lying. He never trusted me enough to tell me the truth. This hurts soooo much. The man I thought I knew crumbled, slowly, in front of me and was replaced by a hideous, painful fiend. It’s difficult for me to see his better sides now, because I simply don’t believe anything he says anymore. I’ve been so confused, and question that he feels anything at all. Maybe he’s a narcissist. Maybe he always took lovers in his home country, and this is simply a continuation of the way he lives. The constant lying to my face is an insult to my intelligence, and just more evidence of his disregard for me, his wife, and even the other women he sees. I’ve been so stupid, to get into this in the first place. My feelings just got too much for me to handle wisely. Now I feel I was groomed and manipulated into a sexual relationship with him. And I still have feelings for him! I still love him and feel happy when I’m with him. Which is rarely now. The sexual relationship has ended, and I am trying to negotiate my feelings to a point where I can decide how to handle the situation. I swing wildly between rage, humiliation, feelings of betrayal, empathy for him, desire, and longing. I cry every day, and am very depressed. I just want this nightmare to be over. I wish I could just cut my feelings and be happy again. I have been so naive and so foolish. My soul is black, with shame, with rage!