Past Comments – My husband wants to stay in touch with the other woman

Comments (66)

husband and the other women
written by Guest, 17 May, 2006
My sentiment goes all the way out to the above mentioned wife. No hard feelings though but just fear. Fearful and not wanting husband to share intimate moments with others. Why not share it with their own wives but rather trash it out on others where it does not belong?
Catherine
written by Guest, 23 May, 2006
I’ve had a similar situation as the above female. I need to know apart from our own awareness and willingness to change by educating ourselves on our habitual behavior on betrayal of a marriage etc, what is there in place that ensures this will never happen again? There is no accountability eg. When one commits a crime stealing drugs etc they go to jail, not that I suggest this although what else is there? In my view this type of behavior is a crime a violation of the deepest type and men particularly are getting away with it decade after decade! Psychological abuse is life debilitating and should have a punishment that is life changing and that will leave a boundary not withstanding any model-code-self evaluation thats out there! I feel that any information is better than none but great information is the type that endorses real enforcement to the perpetrator of how to behave as a descent human being to anyone! Sleeping around is dealt with far too lightly something needs to change. With the right assessment tool to get to the truth and a law that insists on change or puts in place consequences to ones actions against another in terms of treatment in a relationship. Thanks... enjoyable morning looking through your site!
she will always be there
written by Guest, 16 July, 2006
I’m in the same boat, but we aren’t married. He cheated with a married woman for years before we started dating. He continues to encourage their relationship. I hear about the phone calls (she has called and left messages with his secretary); the emails he sends to her (he sends the same to both of us, separately, of course); his desire to bring her anything she needs at any time; it will never end. He will always deny it means anything to him. But you know it does. I don’t know why I am still here.
Move on ...
written by Jane Mercy, 09 January, 2007
Your husband is 44. She is 22. Wake up! Clearly he has broken your trust, and he is adamant about wanting it his way still! Get real! He is outright selfish as he is concerned only with his needs, not yours. That is a good enough reason for you to get out before you suffer more pain. He is not worth it. Just making use of you and probably having a good laugh with her, about you. You do not need him to feel good about yourself. You have yourself. Be smarter than him. Why? That 22 will soon realize he is not worth it either. He will have neither of you in the end. Just his own sorry ass!
In the same boat as you
written by InPain, 06 February, 2007
My husband insists that he did not sleep with her, but they kissed once (he blamed me, because I had a fight with him) and I was away at that time. Anyway, we are now in a different country from that girl, but he insists on being in touch with her. She is blatant about her feelings for my husband, even though she knows that he is married, and she knows me. He said he has changed his life around for me and has left the country, given up his business etc etc to be with me. But is resentful that I want to control who he is in touch with. He does not understand that I do not want him to stop being touch with her because I want it, and he resents me for it, I need him to not be in touch with her, because he values our marriage, because he knows that it hurts me. He does not get it. My question is, why is he prepared to do all of that like moving and giving up his business (all really really big things) but not prepared to do a simple thing like not being in touch with her anymore, particularly since he says she does not mean anything to him and that she is useful to be in touch with because she can help him in his work from the other country? (She is only 24 and he is 42 – figure that!). Why does he not resent moving and leaving his business for me (so he says) but resents not being in touch with her?
My husband did the same.
written by informal Guest, 08 March, 2007
My husband threw our marriage away for a girl he met online. He knew her a month and told her things about me like "She’s my Ex stalking me" and that "She breaks into my house and steals things". After all I stayed with him through! Any man that can throw his children and wife away for an online affair isn’t worth it. Dump the bum before he dumps you.
written by pippy, 19 December, 2007
About 4 years ago I found USA telephone numbers on phone bill so i rang them up. A women answered and when she heard my accent she said; I have been expecting a call from England you must the wife. I told my husband and he assured me she was a bit scanty and he just didn’t wanna hurt her feelings, said she was only a friend and he will never phone her again. I cried so much and even he got upset. I believed him until September 2007 I found 4 years of hidden from bills and much to my amazement it had been going on since. In all he has been communicating for 5 and a half years. When I told him 2nd time his answer was not like before. He told me he loved her wanted to marry her and we have now started divorce proceedings. He talks to her on our house phone online and just constantly praises her, but always the first to put me down. I don’t know why but I do still love him and I’m trying to win him back and it hurts me so much.

written by Kira559, 26 June, 2008
Honestly... I think you deserve better than this. Your husband may say that he need his own freedom or what so ever... that’s trash!!! If there is nothing going on between them then they wouldn’t have as much contact with each other. Common sense... Go with your instinct...
written by SLB, 06 August, 2008
Every time my husband goes to Alaska to visit his parents he always comes back with divorced woman’s cell #. He has called a lot and sent flowers too.
Found a txt message "I need you, wake up, I want to kisses your face." I know she lives in IL but why would a married man and a divorced woman want to talk 21 days out of the month? He said they are only friends! yea right! This is really killing me. Can someone help me deal with this?
written by SLB, 06 August, 2008
Why does a husband feel they have to call single or divorce women? Why does he send flowers to her when he can’t see her? Why does he call her just a friend when she knows everything about me and my family? He has been caught 3 times calling and texting women. Why is it that all of them are single and he can’t be friends with a married couple for me and him to be around?
written by heartbroken in GA, 11 September, 2008
My children’s father signed everything over into his wife’s name to assure her that he wanted to work on their Marriage. She forbid him to have anymore contact with me, and has since discovered once by me and the other by rambling through his phone last week, that he was very much so in contact with me. She has threatened to kill him and make it look like an Accident, etc. Now he’s being distant and professes his love for me and the children. He still promises that he will not take me to Court for visitation with our babies and that what she wants him to do, but what she fails to realize, he will still be in contact with me. She has gone so far as to disconnect the phone in the house, cancel the Internet service, etc, but what she failed to also realize I had set him up a separate email account, months before, so that she wouldn’t be inquiring about our chatting , she discovered that, but took it to be for business purposes. Wake up, you women are forcing your husbands to stay with you all, beg, crawl, etc out of Obligation, not pure love. I know I have been in your shoes before, and I spent years being miserable, because I did everything possible to block communication between my ex and his mistresses. I guess that why I grew depressed with this relationship, I know how it felt and I always looked down on the other woman, until I was in her shoes, now I really know that it’s not the woman, although she had a choice to make, but it is the husband that break his promises to you all and the vows you all have shared. the other woman can do no more than he allows her too, and like wise. If he can’t break contact, he’s in love and it’s painful for him. I realized that and moved on and became the other woman. I would rather be alone than to be with someone that was in love with another. it hurts like hell to love someone and not receive any love back. That’s why it was hard for me to open my Heart up this last time until July and even then I wrestled with opening my Heart up and that’s why all the arguing he and I have been experiencing and the breaking up, because it’s an adjustment after your whole world has come crashing down. We relate on a lot of things and mainly because we had both been cheated on and played for fools in our past.
written by ....., 19 September, 2008
Are you sure he signed over assets to her to fool her, or perhaps keep assets from you and his children. This guy is a dog. Who treats the mother of their children like he treats you? Is this what you want your kids to see and emulate in their relationships?

As evil as you want to see his wife as being, HE FREELY CHOSE TO MARRY HER AND STAY WITH HER. She’s got no magical powers to control him.
In fact, no one ha control over him, especially no him. These guys are weak cowards with no self control and no respect for themselves or anyone else. They are damaged inside and seek validation from you, wife and whoever else they can to fill the bottomless pit of need they have, because they are lacking themselves. He lies to his wife, he lies to you, but the most frequent idiot he lies to is himself, with his justifications and bs he tells himself to allow him to keep treating human beings like crap. His own children!! He’s a pig, cut him loose.
written by Yeah, 21 October, 2008
He is such a loser, I found my husband was talking to girls online acting like he was single,even while we were engaged.If there willing to sit up and act like there own actions are you fault then there totally not worth it.
written by Wholeinmyheart, December 19, 2008, 19 December, 2008
I’m in a similar situation, but we’re not married. My boyfriend decided because we were having problems that it was okay for him to go start a relationship with someone else. Someone he knew had feelings for him and he preyed on that. Two weeks ago, she had his only SON. He has girls from other relationships and an ex-wife. We haven’t had any children together. Of course I new about her and new things were off with his actions and when I confronted him-like any man-he lied. Then she calls and says she was pregnant, so he felt compelled to tell me. A guilty conscience is nothing to play with. He had to tell her as well about me. That didn’t go over very well with her because she wanted to run him over with her car. She and I recently talked and I explained to her that we had decided to work things out and that since that is what we decided I wanted to be a part of their son’s life. He and I talk about this all the time to where he’s so sick of talking about it and feels he is in the middle. Too bad and don’t try to get a whoa is me-pitty-party!!!! He knew that with us agreeing to work things out, it would be a day to day process and wouldn’t be easy. Believe me it’s not. Especially since she text him early this week saying to wants him to be her man so bad, but knows what his decision is and will just have to learn to deal with it. I want him to be able to separate himself from being there for his son and being there for her. He’s not part of her family and the only connection they have is his son. I need him to understand how this makes me feel. Men say they understand but they really don’t understand how a scorned woman or any woman feels. I asked him to put himself in my shoes and how would he feel. All I get is I don’t know. Like I said, we’ve agreed to try to work things out because we love each other, but I don’t know how much I can take.
written by for hurt&exhausted, 16 January, 2009
Don’t send a birthday card. You will just end up miserable again wondering if he got it and if he will respond etc. It will just hurt you all over again. Just accept that it is over and move on. Just let it go. It is done. I know because I have been through this too. Just let it go.
written by frustrated, 26 March, 2009
I am in the same situation. But the terrible thing is this woman was my friend. This bloody bitch confided in my husband on her problems with her husband (they are not in good terms). She told my husband to keep her conversations with her a secret. This dumb man didn’t tell me. When I found out he claims that he is only on friendly terms with her. After 4 years, the other day I saw a call he made to her at 1.10am that lasted for 40mins. I have not confronted him yet. I would like to gather more clues and confront him. She will not be spared either. I am just waiting for the time. I might not divorce him, but I am planning to leave the country with my sons. Even while writing this my heart is so heavy.
written by Wife of a cheating husband, 16 July, 2009
Men are dumb in someways. They say we think with our hearts. What are they thinking with?
written by same situation, 18 July, 2009
I had a similar situation although I had done a lot of bad things to my husband first. She was another parent and was married forcing her daughter to try and become good friends with my daughter she still stalks me and him even after i left him for over a year and i know he is no longer in contact with her and is actually scared of her. she shows up every where we go can be with her husband who does nothing about her behavior at sporting events she dresses in a way a stripper on a pole and her husband refuses to acknowledge she is stalking us and if i dont respond her behavior is even crazier walking by screaming in my ear to notice her interrupting conversations between me and others no other parents at this point want their children around her kids. she even gets to the point she sends her daughters to spy on me and they report back to her god only knows what. i know my husband is no longer in contact with her he gives me his phone and is always with me he has told me when she is around constantly anymore acting like she casually is just there she is stalking me and him and i have had enough i have cheated on my husband before and have hurt him for years which i regret and he still stays with me. I know he did it at first to make me jealous and now i know he regrets it she wont stop with her behavior and it seems to be aimed at hurting me. i dont know what to do anymore i am keeping records of the stalking and hopefully i can press charges we both have had enough and i know i brought this on myself. we both are working on the relationship its hard though
written by Tonina, 28 July, 2009
My husband attended spanish school and went away with the class to Costa Rica. he was placed with a host lady who happened to be 24 and he has fallen in love with her and she with him. He continued to call me and say how much he loved me but when he got back home to usa he called and emailed her and she responded with force and now I have found the emails and confronted him but he will not give her up and I dont know what to do. He still makes love to me. He is 55 and she is 24.
written by Broken Rose, 24 August, 2009
My marriage dissolved recently as my husband left me for a woman from work he "fell in love with."
Months prior, she confessed romantic feelings for him and while he told me immediately exactly what was said, when I insisted he would have to sever contact with her to safeguard our marriage he refused, and an affair grew in record time from those humble beginnings out of what we ourselves, and all around us presumed to be an infallible marriage.
A husband’s duty is to make his wife his top priority in this world.
When he allows something like a job, money, or a friendship with another woman to take priority over his wife’s trust and happiness, it’s only a matter of time.
Even if he doesn’t leave the OP for that specific other woman someday, a pattern of self centered-ness and entitlement will eventually erode the marriage from one angle or another.
written by yehsure, 25 August, 2009
i found my fiance texting another woman secretly on a secret phone i called her she had no idea he was hiding their "friendship" – His pathetic excuse was that she was providing advice for our children" – the advice i never heard what advice?- of course he said she was crazy had the wrong end of the stick, not quite right in the head.... yeh sure – i told him he was cruel for leading her on and that he must love her alot to hide it and keep it going like he had... he said he didnt want to be "friends" with her anymore and shut his mobile down..,, 4 months later the bitch i felt sorry for is still texting "i love you" im devastated" oh and she hopes i die.... shame yawn lol i bet she thinks i made him stop calling him and wanted to keep him sometimes i feel like calling her and saying listen honey i offered him to come to you and he said NO WAY – seems i got someone around me now whos going to try and keep me sweet for life rofl
written by Shae, 27 August, 2009
I just found out my husband has been sleeping with another woman. I am four months pregnant with our first child. He is in the national guard and every time he goes to drill his gf comes to stay with him. I don’t know if I should stay. I asked him to stop talking to her but he told me he wouldn’t. He said he needs to figure out what makes him happy and it might not be me. He still sleeps next to me, says I love you, makes love to me and all. I’m very confused. We have started to see a counselor but is it enough?
written by Bluebird2009, 11 September, 2009
I feel sorry for the cheated on wives, but I have just had a one year online love affair ended, because the wife threatened for forbid him contact with their little girl if he so much as contacted me again. She cracked his emails, and contacted me, threatening to take the little girl away from him forever. (Not the first time she’s used a baby as a weapon – they only got married because she was pregnant and threatened to abort the baby if he didn’t go through with it.) She got him to call me and tell me, in front of her, that he didn’t love me and had been lying all along. (yeah, right.) I could hear his voice breaking and my heart was breaking too. We have been so close to each other and have propped each other up through some tough times. When we first knew each other, he would never complain about his wife, but the anecdotes said everything there was to know. I actually saw that man blossom, because for once, he had someone to talk to who was on the same wavelength. Now we are both devastated, and she has half a man, just staying with her so he can have contact with his daughter. He is no longer allowed his own email account, or to carry a cellphone, or even to go out to work, because he had access to the internet there. Instead, he is stuck at home taking care of his own child and her other two by two different men. And I want to know: is this LOVE? Not in my book it isn’t. It’s about winning, about ownership. And although I know there are some bastards out there, in the main, NICE people don’t cheat if they are happy at home.
written by cbj, 22 September, 2009
Also very similar to everyone else although We have been married or 26 years. We have had a tremendous amount of changes in our lives over this year, family illness, moving , children leaving the nest, job loss. Myself going back to school. My husband a more than casual drinker decided to have an affair with my cousin. I didn’t suspect anything at first because we have been friends all our lives. She to is a drinker. Apparently through all our life changes they found comfort in each others misery. On the eve of our move from one home to another they went back to our old house and had sex. He said it was the one and only time, I confronted him, he confessed, but does not want to end the relationship with her. He said they are friends that just happen to have sex, they can be just friends again. I think, He’s selfish and she’s even worse. How can two people that love me hurt me so deeply?
written by feelinglost, 25 September, 2009
I’m in a similar situation. My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have 4 kids together. To make a long story short I thought things were great in our marriage but all that changed after he went on a trip for work to Las Vegas. When he got back he tells me hes not happy and wants a separation. Come to find out he started having an affair with a girl he works with, who also went on the trip, while in Vegas. They stayed in the same room together, even though each had their own rooms, the whole time they were in vegas. And when he moved out he moved into her place. Hes 30 and shes 23!! He spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New years with her and only came around to see the kids when it was convient for him. They both are in the military and she was to deploy to Iraq in Jan of 2009. He wanted to go with her so he volunteered. A month into the deployment he calls and says hes made a mistake, he loves me and wants to work things out. He ends up coming back from his deployment at the end of march and she stays over there until the end of July. At first he seems like he really wants to work things out. Then in May I find emails that hes been writing her. They says things like he should have never came back, he should have stayed there with her, he misses her, loves her with all his heart and that hes only here for the kids and never had any intentions on working things out with me! When I confront him with what I’ve found he says he sorry and that hes lying to her and doesn’t know why. Says he’ll stop all communication with her. A few days later I go to see if he has kept his word and he’s changed his password to his email. I reset it and what do I find? More emails, bad talking me!!! I don’t say anything to him this time, the kids only have a few weeks of school left so I planned on leaving him and staying with my sister. On the last day of school I did just that, packed up the van and made the 3 hour drive to my sisters house. When he finds out I had left he does everything to get me back. He comes to the town I’m in and woos me the whole weekend and promises me he will never talk to her again. He "says" hes deleted his email account but before he did he sent her an email saying hes been lying to her, that he loves me and wants to work things out with our marriage. I end up staying with my sister, that is until I get the call....My husband has been in a motorcycle accident. A suburban has hit him head on and hes on his way to the ER. They says hes not looking too good and I need to get there ASAP. So I make the 3 hour trip back home, thank goodness when I get there hes ok. He was extremely lucky and didn’t even have a broken bone! So I stay with him and help him get back on his feet. He says he’ll change and will treat me the way I should be treated. I figure the accident was a reality check and made him see what really matters, his family! This was in June. From June to Aug there was no communication between the 2 of them. He got orders to Vegas and we were all going to go as a family and try to fix what he broken! We left on Aug 10th and come to find out on Aug 5th (a few days after she got back from her deployment) he took her out to lunch! He has talked to her everyday since. Either in text messages or phone calls! He of course doesn’t talk to her on the phone when I’m around and makes sure to delete all the texts off his phone because he knows I’ll check. The way I found out is I was paying the cell phone bill one day and looked at the call log and her number was all over it!! I ask him to stop talking to her so we can move forward with our marriage. That I can’t move on with her in his life, its just a constant reminder of what he did to me. He tries to turn it around on me by saying he doesn’t say who i can and cannot be friends with. That he will never be with her so whats the big deal? It hurts me, he has no respect for me or my feelings! Now I feel like I’m stuck. I am no longer 3 hours away from family I’m over 20 hours away. I can’t just up and leave like I could before. I feel like the only reason he is with me is because he can’t be with her. I don’t know what happened when they were deployed, I’ve asked and all he says is he wanted to be with me. I don’t believe it. I tell him if they are never going to be together and he wants to be with me then WHY risk losing me just to talk to her? It makes no sense. I have no idea what he is telling her, but base off of the emails I’ve seen its probably that he loves her and misses her and hes only with me because of the kids!! I don’t know what to do anymore!
written by pissed off, 21 October, 2009
My boyfriend and I of 8 yrs. (now fiance) have been doing great. He has a wonderful personality and women thrive for that personality. He is a wonderful man, however he does meet women and are just friends at first, did I mention many times he forgets to tell them about me. The women latch on him cause he has fun and they try and move in closer with texting "good morning have a good day", etc. I know he texted them back (phone records proof) and I also have went through his phone. Well I managed to run off all but one, she hangs around still texting, buying gifts, and just tonight sent a naked picture to his email address (I have the password figured out) only because he texted her tonight to see what she is doing since she is now a signle mother and just divorced recently. Now this girl has been around for about a year now and yes she does know about me cause I talked to her Christmas day and many many other times via texting to leave us alone. I just don’t get why she keeps hanging on. Our relationship up until tonight with the naked pictures was great we were doing great planning on actually marrying this year but now he’s mad cause I blew it up and was pissed off with her. So I texted her, she says she’s filing harassment charges against me or stalking charges cause I texted her to leave us the heck alone. (maybe I over reacted a little) But dang move on already. Was I wrong for over reacting this is an on going battle with this girl (who is ugly from her pictures). But Its almost like i’m constantly looking for something searching emails, phone records, his phone just to see if he is talking to anyone, once I see he’s not then I’m fine and let it go for awhile until I think something else is up. Am I the one messing up our relationship or am I right for being upset and pissed?smilies/cry.gif
written by shocked, 29 October, 2009
an old girlfriend of my husbands contacted him via email. she found him on facebook. He was her "first". My husband started staying up late emailing her, long after I had gone to bed, getting up early before work, to check and see if she had responded to his emails. He started being real secretive. He would jump if I came into where the computer was, being short with me. Our love life diminished. I knew something was up, this was not the way my husband acted. I emailed her and asked her to stop, that I thought he was becoming obsessed with her. She emailed him and he read me the letter. She thought they should end what was going on between them, because she knew that I must know that something was not right and was feeling a little hurt. She went on to explain that the same thing had happened to her and the man that she was living with, who was now her husband. Several years ago, an old girlfriend of his had looked him up, and they had started emailing, then im-ing, then texting, then chatting on the cell phones. She got the cold shoulder, the stay out of my office when I’m on the phone, and eventually was so worried about what was going on, that she went into his e-mails and read what they were sending back and forth.
My husband was upset about this woman calling it off with him, he instigated emails back once again with her. I was hurt by this. MEN!!!!! I had to let it run it’s course. Actually, she finally "screwed" it up herself, and he ended it on his on. I was so proud of him.
When he went into the hospital recently to have a major surgery, once again, this woman begged for his forgiveness and got him to start emailing back and forth. Now they have moved on to texting and calling on the cell phones.
I could and have forgiven him for the online affair and breaking my heart the first time, now he is talking about taking off for 3 weeks on his own and I’m afraid he is going to leave me and divorce me.
Any thoughts or help on this. I am emotionally drained from dealing with this for 5 months now.
written by shocked, 29 October, 2009
My emotions are and have been all over the place, he has accused me of being a husband abuser
written by sunshine2001, 30 October, 2009
Comment 44 yr old man and 22 yr old woman’s online affair. My husband of 19 yrs has done exact same thing. He is still in contact with her and says that will not change. I snooped around and read shocking sexual language between them. My heart is breaking.He says I did this to myself. I admit that I was not as sexual as he needed,but I never refused him. He even brought up my past mistakes, that happened long before we met. He says that they no longer talk, except when they play the online game "toontown". He says the whole thing was just a fantasy. He is 62 and she is 35,but she thinks my hubby is 29, because he scanned some old pictures and sent to her. I have tried to tell him how he has broke my heart.He thinks I am being insane. Please send advice..sunshine2001
written by Facing reality, 09 February, 2010
My Husbands ex fiancee whom he has a child with had surfaced after 21 yrs she left for England with their child when she was 3, came back when she turned 21 and now wants him to leave us myself & our teenage kids, for her and their now 30 yr old child and 2 grand-kids. He has huge guilt which I don’t get she left him and left no forwarding address and now she waltz’s in and causes SHIT!!!! She threw herself at him and he’s buying her bullshit even though she hasn’t and refuses to give the daughters address or phone so he can contact her himself. He’s weak, He’s hurt me and is a selfish prick. And I’m still here WTF smilies/shocked.gif. I love him but I know I can’t stick around if he keeps seeing her . Why can’t he just contact the daughter and grand-kids this woman is destroying our lives and he doesn’t get it!!!!
written by Facing reality, 09 February, 2010
There Killing us , ripping out our Sole’s and where letting them do it. I still have the strength to stay but I for one am not sure I have the Strength to leave and face the fact that I have failed, some how, some way, I am not enough for him this much is obvious. If their is a chance that we can ever get past this don’t I owe myself this.smilies/cry.gif
written by hope4, 28 July, 2010
For anyone enduring the devastation of adultery, hoping for healing....RUN don’t walk to a Retrouvaille retreat. You can find a schedule on-line. There you’ll find hope and another chance. People that have been through this hell and have come out the other side stronger and happier are there to share their stories and HELP!
written by jr25, 01 August, 2010
it is so sad to know that lots of women are treated this way..im in the same situation..it is very shocking and devastating when you found out that your husband is having an affair..even worst when your husband is talking about divorce to be with the bitch..it is very painful specially i have a 1 yr.old son and don’t understand myself how could i forgive him and still want to be with him despite all of this i still want to fight for our marriage but i understand that we cannot force somebody to love us..but it is so hard to let go..i don’t know until when will i live in a lie..my husband is acting like nothings happened.
written by My secret diary, 33, IL, 01 August, 2010
my husband cheated on me few years ago. He fell in love with this woman . Our marriage almost crash. He chose to be with that woman for sometime. but then in the end he came back to me, well he said he realizes he loves me more... i dont know... Maybe because the bitch thought she could replace me in his life, after facing difficult times with him and after unmasking my husband. they just gave up on each other and in just a click the spark was gone... they agreed to remain friends and to continues to keep in touch because of their love child. we have 2 children. we got back together and he remains to keep in touch with his ex because he doesnt want to abandon the poor child. he said his doing it for the sake of the child. he also manages to see them and stay with them for a couple of days. Its really hard. I dont know what to feel or to think. I wanted to give our marriage a second chance because he promised never to do it again. and their relationship is now friendship and is only doing it for the sake of the kid. I dont have anything against the kid. when i accepted him back, which i did for the sake of my children, although i still love him. i knew i cant have him 100%. i have to share him to his other kid. but sometimes i still feel the fear and doubt in my heart. Its really hard to mend a broken heart and the trust thats been betrayed. no matter how hard i try, i really couldnt put my trust back 100%. but theres nothing i can do. smilies/sad.gif
written by Claire W, 12 September, 2010
Dear Ladies,
I came upon this site by mistake and when I read your posts it brought back so much misery for me.
Affairs are the WORST most horrible way to go.
Yes, in the beginning the feelings are lush and delicious and feel so wonderful.
There are only two people in the world: you and him.

Trust me. A man and woman after an affair can NEVER be just friends.
Any man who tries to snow ball his wife into believing this is plain nonsense.
MEN want sex. They don’t just want friendship.
MEN need to control and make everyone in the scenario miserable.
MEN are such asses.

written by Disrespected wife by husband, 25 October, 2010
I can only be patience for too many times and be strong with God’s help. A good husband who respects the marriage and wife and truly loves her will cut contact completely with the ex in order to heal from the unethical& immoral adultery. If he cannot and fail to do so, I think, the marriage will not survive. Only two person in the marriage or it is not a marriage.
If he continues to break it knowing it will hurt the wife then just let him go, I have nothing to loose. I can’t keep a liar/unfaithful/deceitful husband. He want to go, then I should let him go..that’s apply to his heart.
written by Wifey, 25 October, 2010
Contact with the ex after come back to his wife and children means they both disrespect us. Despite all the hurt/pain/anguish/devastation/suffering/unethical adultery/ridiculed affairs. etc, etc....to even justify the acts...wife cannot stop the secret contacts they are making. It is wrong and he knows it but if still done then he is not a good husband. I will not stop him go if he let his heart go even physically he is there...I can only be patience and be loving but there should be an end to this nonsense....I have nothing to loose for this type of husband, although it would be very sad to loose him but it is already very sad to discover the contacts they make and they dare enough to do it despite the wife and children’s hurt, then just let him go...not worth it....NEXT!
written by peaches 2, 17 February, 2011
I am having some what of the same problem. My partner of 25 years had an affair with a mutual friend. the problem is that they want to stay fiends and I am having a very hard time with it. They are "just friends" but I find that he takes up for her when I have a problem with what she has said or he has done. He has said that he would not see her but he works with her and that is not possible. What should I do?
written by amazed, 07 April, 2011
I’ve been in an online relationship with someone for 2 years. He’s married while I’m divorced. We met innocently enough really, and what started as a friendship grew. I do realize I only hear his side, but what amazes me is how women blame their spouses entirely when they stray. SOMETHING made them look elsewhere, there was a need not being fulfilled. I should feel bad about his wife, but I don’t, I know you don’t want to hear that. A question to ask yourselves is this, do you really still love your spouse? Or do you just want the life you are used to? If you still love your spouse, act like it... and they won’t be looking elsewhere.
written by Alex Angel, 13 April, 2011
To Amazed, the probably with married men who look for love elsewhere is that they’re married. If they are not happy in their relationships they should discuss it with their wives and fix it or end it. Once they end it then it doesn’t matter who they chat with online.
written by jay j, 11 June, 2011
My husband has started back cheating with a 19 year old girl who has threaten to break up my married with a baby come to find out she was never pregnant she lied put our relationship in a lot of pain moved out of town for 1 month she is back and now my husband is excepting her phone calls and talking to her; but when she tried to break up our marriage saying she was pregnant he made her tell the truth about this lie she came clean but now she is starting all over again and he is back talking to her plus he is addictive to drugs and porn he cares more about that stuff than anything he does not have a lot of sex in the relationship at all because he sits in front of the computer jacking off and now the 19 old is in town..... I’m tied also I got mad about him not coming home at nights... we argued about the 19 year old he start treating me nice but within 15 minutes excepted phone calls from the 19 year.... help someone
written by A Little Wiser NJ, 24 June, 2011, 24 June, 2011
My husband had an affair back in 2008 with at women up the street. He’s a minister and I thought he knew better. I was checking on our cell phone bill and stumble upon his call history. I was just a dumb and ignorant to his deception. I really believed that he was as faithful as I was. All of what I thought I knew went up in flames. It took him a whole month to tell me what little I know of what happened. Do I believe him now, no. I don’t think I will every confident in him again. There’s something about truth; it hurts, but it set in motion a course of life. When truth is heard, I believe that our inner being can feel the sincerity and will begin to heal. With that being said, let’s just say there’s no healing. I could be just stuck in the dark due to the shock of everything, but I just don’t feel the like the complete story has been told. Here recently, he’s been calling her place of business. He declares was only calling her to get some cheap, imitation cologne. Yea, right! I’m here and I don’t have anything that says other wise except the phone calls from ‘08 and the history of the most recent ones. If I had evidence, I think I would walk, but we’ve got three children and I don’t want to break up our home over suspicions.

In all of this I’ve learn so many things. It doesn’t matter what a wife does and doesn’t do, if a man wants to cheat he will. I’m often approached by so many men both black and white; so it’s not looks. I’m often told my so many people that they wished they had my shape; so it doesn’t have anything to do with that. I serve my husband with all submission and I don’t put him down; so I’m kind and considerate. As far as the bedroom, the television and pillows are used to mute the noises; no problem there. Most women who think that cheating has anything to do with the wife, you’re sadly mistaken. The the foolish women who thinks that spinning around on top of him like you’re possessed is gonna keep him home, don’t fool yourself; it ain’t that powerful. It’s all about how much they can get away with. Wife speaks of position and she symbolizes responsibility. With that position, there comes a standard. He knows he’s wife enough to know what she’s not going to put up with. She’s not going to sing his praise when he hasn’t done anything to sing about. Men have that boy mentality and when they come home, the put their book bags down for their basketball. The other woman is his basketball. She’ll bounce where ever he throw her and roll back to him. He’ll buy her a gift like a good little puppy, because he know her too. She don’t require much. Unlike that wife, she’s going to open the back door when he’s going through the front of his wife because he respects her position. He’s not going to be able to have an affair and she know it; that’s the whole point of hiding it. However, he knows that with a little tap, the mistress is going to roll over. He don’t have to hear the pickering because he has no responsibility to her. He does however have to pay for services or buy her hush gifts. He’s stupid, but he ain’t dumb. He knows just the right bait to use for both the wife and the mistress. Women can’t really believe that being a mistress is something to holler about. It’s degrading to allow men to use you like a toilet for release because he’s been a bad boy and wifey want let him play. Get real! How a man approach you reveals how he see’s you. They have wonderful excuses that make what they are doing to you, but the take all that away, you have a pit stop to the toilet.

Here is what they are really saying. "She’s going to take my children". I hope she really buys this long enough to get my rocks off because I’m not serious about her. Listen ladies with child support there is visitation rights. He’s not serious about you he can leave if he wants. "She doesn’t Pay me any attention". She want make love with if let me talk down to her or hand out with boy all day. "She doesn’t understand me like you do". Come on! He’s simply saying you buy his bull and he’s wife wont.

Marriages are perfect because we’re married to imperfect people, so don’t buy in the excuses that it’s so bad that cheating is an option. If he’s not separated from his wife or in process of getting a divorce, he’s not looking to get out, he looking to play around. If he can get you to agree to disrespect with him his marriage, he’ll never respect you. If you’re important enough make him work for it and commit himself to you. Don’t let him pay rent, make him buy the house.
written by cardinal, 15 August, 2011
Men are all stupid!!!!! I’ve been married 37 years and still love sex and have been faithful. I thought we had a great marriage. My husband has been emailing and talking sex with a woman he says he only met for 15 minutes, ya right. He has lied, and I will never trust him again. His loss. I thought I had one of the good men but I was wrong all I have is a 60 year old asshole and a broken heart
written by DeniseP, 15 September, 2011
Ive been married for 26 years. My husband had an affair 8 years ago and when I found out and it started to hurt all the family he ended it. She too was married. For the past 6 years they have had no contact. I just found out that they are back in touch. Secret phone calls that say "is it ok to call now". I feel sick that once again I am put in to a situation where I have to make a decision – confront or not? Leave or stay? I don’t know what’s the best course of action at the moment and keeping it to myself whilst I decide is killing me.
written by sweet actor, 07 October, 2011
My husband secretly emails and chats with many many ladies on FB, he creates a big fight if i ask him to show the FB, saying its his private world, whereas iam open about showing my FB account etc. He ACTS sweet and loving to me, even if am sick, after i leave for work, he sends email (have proof) and chats with ladies, he watches porns too. I am upset about his behavior, please advice..
written by can i tust, 17 October, 2011
my husband and I have been married for 15 years. I have always known he gets along well with women and have always trusted him to know the boundaries. He tells me that he has been faithful and has just had women friends and I as okay with that until for the first time i looked at his phone and found messages from a girl he works with. She often sends ‘i miss u and i love u’ and "cant wait to see you’ messages and asking him to meet her. What hurts is that he answers her with the miss u’s and luv u too’s.I confronted him one day and he said that nothing has happened and that she is young and has no self esteem and he gets caught up in the texting and can’t not answer her, I was even with him one day when see sent a mess that she was going to kill herself and he answered her because ‘she was upset’ and I just sat there in the car while he did. I told him i coudnt handle it anymore and he promised he would sort it out and tell her to stop texting and if she did he wouldn’t replied. He lied. It still happens.
written by Fairy, 16 November, 2011
My husband had an affair with a woman we worked with. I have always had access to his accounts and phone, and he has never kept me out. One day she came by me at work, said hello, and she looked down at the floor, – she quit her job that day. When i mentioned I seen her and she quit, he looked down as well – so it made me somewhat suspicious. That said I ended up looking in his facebook for clues, and found that he told her he thought I was going to cheat (with a man that i’ve never met, he is a business partner in another state) and because he thought this, he started having conversations with her about our personal life, including sex life – she said she didn’t want to break up our family – and then he asked her if she would be interested. I knew for a couple days, and tried not to say anything thinking maybe nothing happened and it’s all talk. Well my birthday was 2 days after i found out he’d been talking to her life this, and he left me alone for 4 hours to go "visit his grandma" and didn’t want me to go. So the next day I asked him to tell me the truth – he admits to having a one time thing with her. said only once because afterwards he realized how much he loved me and told her he couldn’t do that again. OK. I forgave him. He decides he wants to remain friends with her though. I was very upset – but after two weeks he deleted her from his phone and facebook. Then promptly started talking to his ex-girlfriend – a woman twice his age, who he left because she cheated on him. (Plus she is his friend’s mother) smilies/angry.gif geez. anyway i caught her sending him messages about being alone, and not contacting him beyond his "curfew" – so i raised hell about this – i said salt in the wound – you stayed here after affair with one woman, and then start talking to another – especially an ex? He said it wasnt like that- it was her talking he didn’t respond back to her (this woman is a real snake anyway) – but he said if the marriage is ever going to work i need to trust him enough not to go thru his phone or facebook again. I said I wouldn’t --- THEN BAM -- not even a full month after the affair I find out i’m pregnant – Yup – apparently I already was when he had the affair – AND he says he is excited, he’s already picking out names for the baby, and talking about always being in it’s life -- and YET he somehow during all of this managed to add the woman back to facebook that he had the affair with. I was livid. I told him at this point it’s not even a trust issue, it’s a matter of respect. He is disrepecting not only our marriage, but now our baby, since he added her back after he found out. He deleted her off his facebook – i told him i want her gone from our lives for good, no facebook, email or phone contact. But he seemed like he was just deleting her to shut me up, and i have a feeling he may still be talking to her via text. But since he guards his phone so heavily now, even when he sleeps i have no way of finding out. Plus i know he is still talking to ex as well because he made it a point to involve her in his grandmothers personal financial affairs (since she does taxes) BS – all sorts of people are able to do tax returns – why her? I don’t know what to feel or think anymore.
written by Isley, 17 November, 2011
Fairy – you’re right. It isn’t only an issue of trust, more importantly it is an issue of RESPECT. And he did not seem remorseful after sleeping with his co-whore-ker. Did you two ever talk about what made him say that he thought you were going to cheat, and whether or not he used that as a justification? Or whether that was just a line to rope her in? Make him accountable! He has no right to do that to you, pregnant or not – and it’s even worse that he’s doing this to you while you’re pregnant. That is so DISRESPECTFUL to you and your unborn baby. Think about it. You’ve got a big heart to forgive him, and I don’t know how you’re living with the hurt, but you’re strong. You deserve an environment where you can focus on you and your baby and all the happiness that is yet to come in your life. He should be supporting you. He needs to be there 150%. If not, then he’s turning a sacred time into a nightmare. What is he doing to make amends to you for cheating on you and breaking your heart? How is he showing you that you are his number one? How is he reestablishing intimacy with you? Did he demand it, or is he earning it still? Good luck, girl, and congratulations on your pregnancy! smilies/cheesy.gif
written by No one in particular, 03 January, 2012
I present the other side of the coin. I was involved with a married man, fell in love and was very happy. Until I started feeling him distancing. I tried to talk with him about it, but he denied all the time. Eventually I found out he as into a relationship with a married woman, and that they were developing deep feelings for each other, per her words. Time has proven her right. By the same person I learned he was married, she was devastated and being married herself she had nobody to talk and thought about me. Well, I really despise married man that fix their problem by looking around for diversion. I told the wife about his husband whereabouts. He cut all contact with me, and made sure to explain to his wife I was the only ‘mistake’ he had done, etc. He keeps it up with Amy, she is a called friend. Truth is he developed a real emotional affair with her. That is the difference between not wanting to let go and being ok to let go. This is my opinion. The presence of both or any other he might include in his marriage will always be a shadow. He will share intimate details, friendship, intimacy even if nothing sexual ever happens, his feelings for her are there, as probably her (the other) feelings are there too. Not a nice combination if you want to move on. Hope it works well for you, whatever that means for you. I think he is being selfish and does not really understand the hurt and damage he did to your trust.
written by Vi, 08 January, 2012
I watch so many crime shows that this story makes me suspicious. This is an old article, but I hope the lady is safe and her husband straightened up. My husband was older and talking to quite a few women online. I could never prove actual romances, but finally caught him romancing his ex wife online. She lived in our same town and I would have never dreamed he’d do that. Neither one would admit to a thing, didn’t even give me enough respect to even explain why and how they were communicating secretly online in the first place. Their sons were grown so it was not about children. Anyway, I demanded no contact and he complied, or at least says he did. We stayed together and now are getting old so it doesn’t really matter now. What really upset me was his ex wife showing up in stores we would go to, she would go into my retail employment and walk around but never speak to me, hang up calls at my home, etc. She even got remarried to one of her ex husbands on MY anniversary day. Some of these women are whackjobs and might need to be watched.
written by Moemag, 22 January, 2012
I’m in a similar situation myself, and it’s funny that they always blame us for their doings !! It’s brutal! It’s so familiar. I have really nobody to talk too and feel a bit crazy sometimes. If I talk to anybody that knows me, for fear of judging. I’m lost smilies/sad.gif I’m 41, and been with him for 20 years. I hope you find some peace, remember, it’s him not you!
written by jenns226, 26 January, 2012
@Amazed

You have some nerve Amazed. Pointing the finger at spouses who have to sit by and endure endless heartache women like you cause. Maybe women have gained a little weight, or don’t want to put out all the time, or don’t get their nails done anymore, but, husbands let themselves go, too. Women like you don’t see that because you are only getting to know them now, you haven’t been dealing with them all the time that the spouses have. You say that maybe if the spouses would love their husbands more and try harder to keep them happy they wouldn’t be looking, well, maybe if nasty women like you wouldn’t act like blood sucking temptresses, they would continue to be faithful to the person they VOWED to be faithful to. The funny thing is, Amazed, one day, you will be older and probably too tired to get your mani/pedi because your toddler kept you up too late and your boyfriend or husband will be looking online for a woman just like you are now. When that happens, don’t forget to tell yourself if you had done more to keep your boyfriend/husband happy or interested, he wouldn’t have gone looking for something else....
written by kusing, 29 January, 2012
my australlian friend is married and they have 1 child his wife do not know that his husband make 3 children living in different country with different lady. His hubby come n visit his second family every month and his wife do not know hows that.
written by Ligaya, 02 February, 2012
To all the wives been cheated I really feel sorry, no one deserves to be cheated that way, to the questions why the husband cannot forget or cut connection with mistress simply because they don’t want to because there is something on that woman that makes them hard to forget, yes I may say that your husband loves you more than his mistress but the mere fact that he can’t forget the other woman or cut any connections with her it’s only because between the two of them there is bond that can’t be just be cut that easily, it can be in so many different reasons, it’s not the question of who he wants or love more. And if you think he is abusing too much of your patience and understanding then it’s all in your hand to make decision. Because I believe that no matter we do, how much we beg or how much we cry if your husband still wants to communicate with the mistress we cant do nothing about it, there are many ways he can do it and we will just going to hurt ourselves more finding it over and over again.. It’s only the cheating husband and all the bitches mistresses out there can decide to stop their wrong doings, reality and conscience might knock in their thick head for them to realize that what their doings are WRONG for I believe karma is just behind the corner.. To all the wives if you can’t decide to divorce or leave your cheating husband because of wanting to have a complete family and because you lovethin still, well then be ready to face and accept that reality is like that, take it or leave it, it’s all in our hands. Just keep on praying to God that even your husband don’t listen to you, make him listen to God, miracles happen after all smilies/smiley.gif let me leave you all this simple words " you can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving, love is giving until it is hurt" reality checks, good luck to all of us smilies/smiley.gif
written by Chobiyasha, 09 February, 2012
My boyfriend cheated on me about two years ago. I confronted him and he did eventually come clean about it, but still insisted that they were only friends. I asked him to cut ties with her but he refused, I eventually gave in and said if he was going to keep in contact with her then I wanted him to tell me about any time they talked. I didn’t even demand to see the messages or listen to the conversation, just that he let me know they talked that day and a summary of the conversation. Since then he has never told me they’ve talked on his own, its always been something I discovered by ‘snooping’ I don’t want to snoop, but if I find something every time I look, and he’s not telling me, how am I supposed to trust him? We’ve been together for four years, when he met this girl and cheated he’d known her for less than a month, how could someone you’ve known for only a month or so (longer now though) be such a good friend that you can’t stop talking to them? I don’t know what to do, sometimes I want to break up but I’m scared, not of him, but just of being alone after being with him so long, I’m only 21. He’s usually pretty nice and very lovey towards me, so I don’t understand why he feels the need to stay in contact with her. Just yesterday I checked his facebook messages (he left his account logged on) and saw that around Christmas he was talking to her and she was saying how she was going to be in NY and wanted to meet up with him. They were making plans to meet! He did cancel only because I had been pushing him to spend New Years Eve with my family, now I know why he was so reluctant to come over. But who knows, I’m sure they’ve had conversations on the phone, so its possible they did arrange another day to meet. I guess he knows enough not to text her, thats what I had been checking because it was the easiest to find. I just don’t know what to do, he’s in the middle of applying for the NYPD and I feel like if I bring it up now he’ll get upset and not do well on the exams and interviews, but I can’t keep pretending like I’m none the wiser for long, even just keeping quiet since last night is starting to eat me up inside.
written by Heartsick, 10 February, 2012
I am in a long term marriage with my high school sweetheart. Two adult children and three grandchildren are the best part of my life. I discovered my husband has a gal pal that he has lied to me about spending time with her while I am at work. I was able to get access to phone records and he called her over 200 times a month for over a year. He drinks with her at the bar evenings. He put her as a second number on his cell phone to help her save money unti I found out. He takes her out to breakfast when I am working. He tells me that he has no contact with her but I keep learning otherwise. When I confront him he says they are just friends and he hasn’t done anything wrong. I love him and he says he loves me but there s lots of fighting and no physical intimacy for the last 5 years because he says he has no desire for me due to the fighting. Is he in denial or am I being unreasonable?
written by Married woman, 17 February, 2012
It is unacceptable! I’m sorry but it is not a wise choice to keep around the other person. I think he is trying to take advantage of you and if its going to work out he cannot be friends with this person. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. My suggestion is to make him go to therapy because maybe someone else needs to rock his boat.
He needs to understand he is not fulling his role as a good husband by keeping this other woman in the picture. Ask yourself this.....would he be as accept-ant if the shoe were on the other foot? It sounds like he wants to keep his mistress on the back burner.
written by someone me, 01 March, 2012
I present the other side of the coin. I have been seen this married man of late 30s who is distanced from his marriage. they are still together with kids and will never broke apart. but i fill the emptiness and the gap i guess. we haven’t been sleeping with each other from the time we knew each other and that’s about 6 months.we see, we talk, we share, we find shoulders to relax and cry on and we wish for best and luck for each others own lives. it only helps him to get back to his married life.
written by Wracked with guilt, 15 April, 2012
I can’t believe I just became "the other woman". I became friends, truly only friends, with a closed-in, quiet man a couple years ago. We became very close despite being long distance, but there was never any romance involved. We were truly of best friend level only in our interactions, NOT affair. I was not some secret; his girlfriend was there whenever we talked on the phone and even there when we played games online together. I respected his long-time relationship, respected his girlfriend, and even encouraged his romance with her. She, in turn, being the wonderful, kind-hearted woman she is encouraged our friendship because she wanted him to have a friend. Both she and I knew he found me attractive, and she knew he was a flirt with all women, and she knew he was always curious what sex with another woman would be like, but somehow we all fooled ourselves into thinking he and I would never go there because she truly is the love of his life. There WAS no deception. I honestly WAS just a friend! A best friend. He opened my eyes to seeing I was in an abusive situation in my own marriage, he helped me find new friendships and grow into a better person. He was extremely important to me as a friend, and I was important as his friend because he finally had someone he felt free to talk to about anything without judgement. I learned intimate details of their sex life not because he and I were trying to do anything inappropriate but instead because he was frustrated with her feeling pain in bed and wanted advice on how to make sex easier for her. Yes, he also felt frustrated that he wasn’t getting the sex he wanted (and she knew that), but I never took advantage of that, I always tried to help offer ways for him
to make things smoother with her.

And then he and I finally met in person. I tried to be careful. I even asked for her permission to meet him before he ever knew we could! There still was no romantic interest nor any plans to do anything wrong. I honestly was only there to visit my good friend. Knowing that he found my look more attractive than hers (claims she’s always known, that it’s always been a struggle between them), I purposefully wore more conservative clothes than usual to reduce temptation. Knowing about his weakness with women in general, I swore to myself to never let anything happen. I didn’t even let him in my hotel room. And for a few days I had a great time only visiting my friend. But because she knew how important he was to me and how rare him having a friend was (and she wanted him to have a friend), she encouraged us to hang out more. He and I were having a heart-to-heart, and I was distraught over something cruel my ex-husband was texting me right then, and he tried to comfort me, and I told him the comfort was turning me on and to please stop. I verbally protested making a mistake, but my body didn’t. I know I was in a vulnerable moment, I know he took advantage of that to experience something he had always wanted, but I still can’t believe I didn’t stop it. I can’t believe I failed the trust his fiancee had placed in us, I can’t believe I failed my own morals and I can’t believe I failed to keep someone who was so important to me from ruining his life with temptation. When he worried whether she could live with being told I said she needed to know. Going into marriage or even continuing their relationship without her knowing would have been wrong. And the only way either he or I know of him ever being able to regain her trust is for me to disappear forever. It is our assumption. She hasn’t said that’s so but I don’t see how it could be otherwise. I know that I need to pay the consequences of our mistake and I agree it is the right thing to do, but I can tell you ladies that it is hard enough to voluntarily agree to lose one of my best friends without also knowing I will never know whether the two of them were ever able to overcome this mistake. I hurt something special and violated the trust of a wonderful woman and I will never know whether that damaged I caused with an unplanned mistake is ever resolved. It’s a hard place to find oneself after a mistake I already hate myself for having accidentally made. I’ve been crying for days over what I just did.
written by The Ex Wife, 15 May, 2012
I got cheated on twice by my military husband. I accepted the punishment for not being there where he was stationed. Then came this female co-worker who he claims is a friend. I said friends do thing to interfere with marriages or suggest wrong doing. Friends of your support your family...especially if your family existed years before that person came along. The circle of military friends keeps the contact going. I am filing for divorce and letting him be. I will not beg for the respect that I have earned from 14 years of commitment. It’s his loss. I know there’s a man out there who would love to have me as his own. I will find him.
written by Sick & Tired, 21 May, 2012
I have been married for just under 25 years and found out last year my husband was have two emotional affairs with with a current and former co worker. They exchanged endless text messages, phone calls and sexual pictures and videos. I still have not been told the entire story and now I am tired. He has been diagnosed with a sex addition and needs help but doesn’t want to seek it. We entered therapy at the beginning of the year and he was dropped by our doctor because he refused treatment. He has 90 days to get help or we are separating in June. He has to leave the house. Since I don’t currently trust him, once he leaves we are headed straight for divorce. I am tired because for 25 years I have endured, his love child that falls between our two boys, STDs from him, hotel receipts, phone numbers, condoms, lies, secrets and sneaky behavior. I am tired,I explained the situation to our boys and I await the end of the 90 days so I can move on with my life. To the women who get involved with married men, you reap what you sow! Watch out it’s coming back to you and it doesn’t feel good.
written by Isabell, 10 July, 2012
It is without question completely unreasonable for your husband to ask you to be totally fine with him having ongoing contact with someone he cheated on you with. He is the one who wronged you here – he should want to repent and make you as comfortable as possible. He’s already hurt you enough with his inappropriate behavior. When you make a mistake like this, you simply lose the opportunity and the right to ever be this person’s "friend" again, and you own your mistakes and man up and realize that! She is a meaningless acquaintance. Why is contact with her so important that it’s worth hurting you over?? Shouldn’t it be scary that she is so important to him (still), that it would be a big deal to him just to stop talking to her? That should scare you. He’ll make new friends and move on with his life. She’s not family, and she’s not his life partner. She’s really ultimately inconsequential and should be easy to give up, when his life partner’s feelings are at stake. She is simply not as important as your marriage. If he gives her up, he’ll eventually get over it. You, however, will never get over the pain, hurt, and disrespect caused by him continuing to have contact with someone he cheated on you with. This is totally inappropriate to ask you to endure, and it shows that he isn’t taking responsibility for his mistake/betrayal if he doesn’t realize this (sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too). If he has really realized that your marriage is his priority, he wouldn’t even ask you to endure this. You are justified in telling him this, and I would be concerned about his sincerity and commitment to your marriage now if he doesn’t understand this. (After all, he’s cheated on you once already. He’s the one who should be realizing that he needs to earn your trust back. One obvious place to start is to voluntarily give up contact with the woman he was behaving inappropriately with, as a way of showing you he really is putting your marriage and your feelings first. If he can’t understand why this would make you uncomfortable, after cheating on you with her, he isn’t really ready to prioritize your feelings or your marriage after all).
written by Robin Bednarczyk, 17 August, 2012
I’m in the same boat with my husband cheating with a TWENTY ONE year old, AND HE’S 53! I’M 42, and we’ve been married for 14 years! ONLY he lets his trash WHORE get away with vandalizing my things, like she slashes my tires EVERY TIME I GET NEW ONES! She carves her initials ALL OVER MY furniture, walls, bedroom, EVERYTHING! I AM HURT, DISAPPOINTED on every level, sad, depressed, and COMPLETELY UNMOTIVATED! This has been going on for 3 years now, and I can’t handle it much longer! I just think its UNFAIR for some LITTLE GIRL TO come in, LIE ON ME TO MY HUSBAND, vandalize my belongings, and basically stalk and harass me, AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT! WHAT OH WHAT OH WHATTTTTT DO I DO? I KNOW I SHOULD LEAVE HIM, AND I PLAN ON IT, BUT FIRST HE HAS GOT TO ADMIT THE TRUTH TO ME AND TELL ME WHO SHE IS, NOT JUST HER CHICKEN SHIT INITIALS! WHAT I DO KNOW IS I WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS BE ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE SO CHICKENSHIT THAT THEY WOULD HIDE WHO THEY ARE AT ALL COSTS!
written by Guest04, 08 September, 2012
I have been married to my husband for 12yrs this past Aug. I found out in April that he and his "employee" had something going on. we had gotten into an argument and I left the house, driving down the street I had a vision of this girl layin naked in a bed don’t know why I had the vision I never thought anything was going on, I headed to his office, he forgot he had given me a key, I went into the bathroom went through the drawers and found her pants folded up in one of the drawers, so I took them and as I was walking out the door I seen he left his phone on the counter so I went through it and found out he was having an affair with this 18yr old who was still in high school and she looked like she was about 15, he was 29 at the time I confronted both of them and they say they only kissed bullshit I’m not stupid.. he moved out continued to talk to this girl even started paying her phone bill, takin her out to eat and like a good little boyfriend even planned on going to her HIGHSCHOOL graduation. he put a restraining order against me with her name on it. I couldn’t believe he would do this, we have 4 kids together and they knew about this relationship, he decided he was moving back into our home and wanted me out, I was thinking at the time so I left moved to back home to Las Vegas and found out he had another woman come into my home when my kids were there let the woman into our room and said she was only cleaning in there. he wouldn’t let me have any contact with our children and I couldn’t handle being 6 hours away from them so I came back and moved in with a friend. my kids were telling me he was crying and saying how he missed me, I agreed to come back only if he cut off all communication with these people. This was in June 2010 things seemed to be going good, well I went through his email in oct 2010 and found some not so sexy lingerie pics from a different employee and again I confronted him he tried telling me he didn’t know she was going to send him those pics, she was suppose to send a pic for their business website. he’s always told me if he was ever gong to cheat he would leave me first cause if he was cheating it meant he didn’t want to be with me. I know he’s never going to change. we both have facebook and I recently found out he has a female friend from highschool that lives out here, I seen her picture and right away I knew she was a slut, I asked if he has ever hung out with her and he said no.. well I went to his office and he opened up his email and I seem he has her on google chat so I asked how she was doing and he said fine and I can hear it in his voice somethin wasn’t right, well he’s been hanging out with her and her other stripper friends and I found out the friend he’s been hanging out with is her brother, its just lies upon lies, I went through his email again a couple days ago and found a pic that she sent him while she was at work at the strip club, he still denies there’s anything going on between them, she looks like a man and he’s always talking about how ugly she is and how she has a drug and drinking problem, I told him I don’t want him talking to her and he says I cant control who he talks to, ok then why the hell can he tell me who I can talk to? The girl wanted my husband to see that pic of her so I put it on my facebook so everyone else can see..lol... after getting into his facebook and email he changed his passwords again but still says he has nothing to hide.. I’ve already found out what needed to know, he only was signed up on 3 dating sites.. cheating men will never changed everything ok when its them that’s doing it but when the tables turn and its the woman that’s cheated they that’s when it becomes wrong.. I have stayed because I love him and we have 4 kids together but I’m not in love with him and probably never will be again. I don’t see our relationship making it past this year. he wont give up the things I don’t like but expects me to give up everything he doesn’t like. well lets see how he feels when the tables turn.
written by Tonia P, 20 January, 2013
I feel the same way as any other woman does. My issue is with his co workers he always is texting them even after I told him how I feel about it. He will stop for while and then start all over. He always tells me how fat and old these woman are but I dont know that. Today I have now found out he is setting up lunch dates with one of them. I no longer can take it. Why dont he just leave? I do not understand why he keeps doing this to me. He even comes home later after work now, well i been at Corys. what should I do?
written by debbie d, 05 March, 2013
You know, I’m glad I ran across this site. The comments from women who have been betrayed are as sad as they are similar. No wonder marriage therapists already know what to say to husband and wife after just being told a synopsis of their story. For the most part every story has a common thread. Husband cheats, wife stays and puts up with it. Why?????? Really, why in the hell are we spending any of our time trying to fix a disrespectful narcissist? We’re definitely worth more than the betrayal they’ve given us. They marry us for a reason, WE’LL PUT UP WITH CRAP ON SOME LEVEL. And that is our fault!!!My husband had a problem with self esteem and responsibility. So he dumped every household responsibility on me, pursued his hobbies while I carved out a career and raised 4 great kids and somehow kept it a secret that he was a serial cheater during the middle 18 years of our 34 year marriage. Even better, when I did finally catch him, and quite by accident I must say, I got to deal with the fact that the affairs had been with the wives of all our closest friends and a few other of my friends he conquered along the way. The last one was the best. She actually got rid of her husband for my husband, only to find out he wouldn’t leave his family. So, for that 10 years that they carried on ( she was one of my closest friends) our
children grew up together, she came on vacation with us,
and I even got manipulated into giving her large sums of money to help with her divorce. Know what my husband said when he got caught? He did all those things because I loved the kids more, in his opinion. I was soooooo busy raising them
(pretty much alone while he fkd around) that he didn’t get enough attention. The kids got more monetarily than he did (tuition) and he didn’t feel respected!! Damn, I wonder why he didn’t feel respected? Did I mention the poor self esteem? So, yeah, he’s still around and in therapy. Spends his days trying to make it up to me. And me, well I took a different approach to healing. I’ve now plucked off 4 of the 5 husbands of those so called friends. Eventually, the scorecard will be a little more balanced. And yes, I am very content with my self. I LAUGH AT THOSE ASSHOLES all the way back home to his smiling trusting face.
Signed me,
One hell of a pissed off wife who used to bust her butt for a man who never knew the meaning of love or commitment, unless he was cheating. KARMA baby, KARMA!!!!

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