Past Comments – My husband constantly cheats

He won’t change
written by Caring person, 01 February, 2007

Sorry but he won’t change because you’ve given him no reason to. You’re still there hanging onto a dream while he is living out his fantasies. He might think about changing if you leave him but he won’t change.
Sorry and good luck.

Been there before
written by Jeanie, 02 February, 2007

Believe me, he will not, repeat, will not change. He will continue to lie and cheat. Unless you can live with that, forget the relationship. Easier said than done, but it’s true. He will always look for the new thrill and excitement no matter who he will be with next and next and next. It might even take YOU a while to realize that. This man is no one on which to base a future with unless you can stand the infidelity.

I am going through the same
written by Olga, 26 February, 2007

Thanks for your story. It seems you husband and my husband are twin brothers. I am going to counseling starting tomorrow. But deep in my heart, I know he will not change.
Olga

I have been having an affair with a married man for years. We have been friends since school and enjoy each others company, but he cant afford to leave his wife. So he might stay, but could you live with a lie?

When I read your letter, I felt some one had been spying on me! Been there, done that! I really don’t belive either my husband our yours will ever change. Their life works for them, it just doesn’t work for a partner who expects honesty, loyalty, respect, trust and fun in a relationship. For too long, I’ve modified my behavoir to make our relationship work, but he has not even met me halfway. He really doesn’t want to, nor does he really think he’s done anything wrong. It’s a very hard pill to swallow, but it’s time to move on. I’m telling myself that, too. Good luck!

Our 8 yr anniversary is in two days and I my husband just told me today that he has been having sex with masseuses/prostitutes for 7 years while we were married. I am devastated. He doesn’t want me to leave him and says he loves me, but I cannot trust him. I have had some suspicions. I’m glad to finally know the truth so I can move on with my life.

You are NOT going to change him. It is not completely his fault you are still miserable after first knowing the facts of his infidelity. We don’t get involved or married or stay in bad situations thinking we are "special enough" to change our partners. They are who they are. You have known this guy and his routine for a very long time. Because you chose to keep having children with him... and (as you say) keep taking him back, you in essence, are conceding to this life style. You alone are responsible for your own unhappiness. Your question should not be, "Will he change?", but rather, "What have I done to help create my own misery and Why do I choose to stay?" It’s real easy to fall into the martyr role if you are not a fully secure individual; gaining sympathy from various sources to cover for no personal power, a low sense of self and financial inadequacy in the world. The fact that you choose to stay and have children with a repeat offender tells me that I am right, otherwise, you would not be there. You would have left him after the first offense, gotten into a career, met someone with equal values, have saved $ money for pregnancy down-time and be living a NON dependent life with 1 or 2 healthy functional kids. Financial dependency is a big motivator for staying in a bad marriage. You have let yourself go...a self induced reinforcement of your low self esteem. But, like I said, you knew all along he was this way and you kept allowing it by staying. Continuing to stay and make children, while knowing your husband is a cheating louse keeps you on the wheel of being a dependent victim and thus keeping you trapped in your own insecurity, low self esteem, poor body image and zero personal $funds. You are his mother, not his wife and partner. He sees you the way you portray yourself in that role. If he’s a good father and non abusive, you will need to just be quiet, stop whining and just get through raising your kids before making a good choice to stand up, become independent and leave him. In the mean time, you should do what you should have done years ago. Get busy liking yourself, get into shape, get a skill, get into a career and get ready for the day you can walk away with self respect. Or, you could just stay where you are...with no hope, pitiful and begging sympathy from anyone who will listen.

I’ve been reading stories of cheating husbands, and I too have a husband that gets paid on Fridays and leaves for the entire weekend, without giving me money for the weekend. He comes home on Sunday night and expects me to be at home with a smile on my face. Well little does he know that I went back to school and once my externship is over and the kids are leaving, so when he comes home from his fun weekend he"ll be coming home to a empty house. Ladies lets face it, we can’t stop them from cheating, but god will deal with them sooner or later... You reap what you sow.....

I have been chatting with this man for almost 8 years now off and on. We’ve tried to end it so many times I’ve lost count. I think that the reason that I continue to remain in touch w/him is b/c of the fascination or curiosity. He can be whoever I want him to be. But, I think that there has become a deeper connection. He was here on business this past week and wanted to meet. I said, no. He’s married... I was married when we met online. I’m divorced now though. Happily btw! Anyway, he got cold feet too. I guess when push came to shove.... we both realized that this was never going to go anywhere and neither of us wanted to hurt anyone by meeting for a... flesh fest of sorts. (just being brutally honest here) Thing is; I truly want this to end. Why are we both so infatuated with one another from afar? It’s a moronic cycle. What trips our trigger? Anyone know?

Can this kind of man ever change, even if they are in a different relationship?

To SallyE – Not likely.

I have been there, done that, been there, done that and still doing it. He will not change. For the last 12 years it has been one disappointment after another. This last one was IT! I moved and followed my husband to another state. I have no friends or family. About 4 months after we moved he starts in with all the typical signs your spouse is cheating stuff. Then he says he doesn’t want to be together. We have been separated for a year and NOW he has had an epiphany and wants his family back. I said No because he will just do it again and I won’t let him do that to me and our three kids again. You have to choose. Do you want to live your life totally insecure, playing detective when you already know the answer? My deciding factor was Do I want my daughter’s to think that this is what is acceptable and for them to put up with such crap and do I want my son to think it is ok. The answer is No. I didn’t think I would ever get through the pain when we first separated. All my hopes and dreams down the drain. But every day that I made it through I became stronger and I realized I deserve better. Do you want to be with someone who gives his time and money to another when he made a vow to give it to you? He obviously doesn’t care. The first few months are awful but you will make it. Do you want to be sitting in a nursing home one day and all you have for memories is all the worry, anxiety, insecurity, and crap that you went through? Plus, you have to examine why you allow it. Usually its because of some childhood mommy and daddy issues. We don’t think we are worth it. We are insecure. Find someone that you can lean on and support you. There may be a reason you are at where you are at but its an excuse to stay there and accept it. What will it take? HIV, Herpes, Warts? Forget him.

Found out my husband has been using prostitutes for the last 3 years, been married 3 and half years, two small kids. Why? It’s taken me me about 6 weeks to pick myself up of the floor, and I tell you I know I will have financial issues etc. but I won’t be putting up with that crap!! Makes you see how much you have actually given them when you realize you don’t have a life anymore, what a wake up call. What do these cheating blokes give in return, a broken heart and herpes! Must admit I did need to lose those couple of kilo’s, the infidelity diet, when you’re so hurt you can’t eat anymore. To hell with him. I’m outta here!! Be strong ladies.

I met a wonderful, caring, loving man. I knew he had been unfaithful to his last wife, but he assured me that he would never do it to me. He said his love for me was far to deep and that he would prove it to me over a lifetime. After 4 years of marriage, he is no longer that man I met. He became cold, distant and deceitful. I eventually found out he had been cheating on me when I opened is mobile phone bill and found the same number at least a dozen times a day. I called her and she eventually told me (he would have lied forever). looking back now, I am sure she was one of many. Of course, he blames me – says that our sex life lacked spontaneity and he could not ‘hold out’ any longer. He has now been gone for 4 weeks, but I have been suffering for over a year. I couldn’t work out what was happening and why his behavior had changed towards me, I kept questioning myself, what had I done wrong? What happened to the wonderful man I met. I know what happened, he just reverted to true form! He is a serial cheat! I am so in love with him, it hurts like hell. I feel in the depths of despair and find it hard to resist when he asks to see me, but reading your comments (above) just gives me strength so thank you for helping me to realize that it isn’t my fault. We even went to relationship counseling and the counselor virtually told me to ‘give it up as a bad job’. I feel that I am going through hell. My life as I knew it is just one big dark tunnel of nothingness. But I would rather go through a few months of this now than I lifetime of hurt and deceit. So I’m with you guys! Girl Power!!!!! xxxx

When it comes down to it... Do you really need a man?

This is a 18 year marriage with 3 teen sons. My husband works for an Army base as a civilian operator and does naval reserve. He’s done both for 16 years now.

The first time he was busted was with my little sister when she was living with us, I was in college, but before that, I was a stay at home mother. His excuse for doing what he did with my sister was that he was afraid I would meet some smart, wealthy college male and leave him so he was just being prepared. He broke down and I left him, we stayed separated for a month, he lived with his sister, who told me he hardly ate, went to work and stared at the pictures of our boys and me.

Because I gave in, yes, my mother says my big heart will be my downfall, I came back and he made promises up the wazoo about changing. That lasted for about 6 months, with someone he drilled with.

Then came the Army base coworkers, with him saying they pursued him and he didn’t know how to say no or be nice about it.

This time, he went to Georgia, via the navy reserve, for 2 weeks, "fell in love" with a classmate who turned out not to live far from his reserve center and they would meet once a month.

He told me to get some pics off his computer, but left all his programs open. During the time he came back from Georgia, he had been blowing up for no reason, nothing I did was ever good enough and it was like he was in a constant black mood, taking it out on me and the kids, not physically, but verbally.

I busted him and her over Father’s Day weekend last June and finally told him I wanted a divorce, but he cried, saying maybe this is what he needed to "get his head out of his ass" to make REAL changes for our future. Like an idiot, I believed him.

Two days later, he was back to emailing the other woman, I’m sure he got a kick out of talking the two of us into continuing on business as usual.

I just busted him this past week and he STILL doesn’t want to get a divorce, his excuse? We have 18 years together and he’s not sure about the other woman’s characteristics, a little on the weird and shady side.

What does that have to do with me? He didn’t even give it a 6 month rest. Is this the ideal constant cheater or what?

I was google-ing out of frustration and anxiety, and found this...
My story! Told by different women.
I feel stupid, and very sad, and scared because I have to let him go...

Same here. I was google-ing and found these stories... For years, I knew my mate was cheating on me with different women, but I (out of fear of being alone and my daughter growing up without a father) just ignored it and actually would talk myself into believing it wasn’t happening and that it would pass. Truth is... it hasn’t, and won’t. I’m now 9 months pregnant with our son... and this time (after days of me snooping around cell phone bills and the history file on our home computer) he’s admitted that he cheated on me with a prostitute. What am I supposed to do? My baby will be here any day now. And if I leave him, what am I supposed to tell our 4 year old daughter? I know once a cheat, always a cheat... I know eventually I will be okay and will be able to pick myself up from this... but what makes me consider staying the most is my children. The thought of them living in a single family frightens me. The risk factors of not having two parents are baffling. still, I know hundreds of single-parent households defy those obstacles everyday. For my children’s sake, should I stay? or should I go?

My heart goes out you all of you women! I admire your first steps of courage in starting questioning your worth and the grass on the other side. I want to commend you on your love and strength! You will be fine as the image in the rear view mirror becomes fainter and you move on. I am independent, but fell for a cheater and I knew it before it all started.
For the sake of the children MOVE ON ladies, they will admire, love and support your courage. My now boyfriend was cheating on other women he while they were dating and while she was pregnant. Then I came in the picture, she to this day does not know about me (3 years later), but
she was strong enough to move on after a year fighting for the sake of their son, thinking he was going to come back. I think he was already over the relationship before it even started, trying to court me and many others as I discovered over the years (internet, office, old friends). I’m so glad that I did not have a child with him as well, it would have been the worst decision of my life and ironically they would have had their Bdays the same week. I was devastated and blamed myself for allowing this to happen to me. My heart goes out to his son, I love him dearly and am so sad he will grow up watching his father being a cheater and how damaged he will be. Remember, the truth is always there, we have to work really hard not to see it. TRUTH IS NOT NEGOTIABLE, move on and create a better life for yourself and your children.
Never stay in a unhealthy/bad relationship for the children, you will create irreversible damage, if you really love your children and want the best for them you will go. They will be forever grateful and become strong and independent adults! Everything works out in the end, have perseverance and trust yourself. You already know what to do, so what are you waiting for??? Let your hair down and go and DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!! I did and its the best things Ive ever done.

My husband not only constantly cheats, but he refuses to admit it when I confront him. When the other women he is cheating on confront him, he just stops speaking to them. There are literally dozens that he is in various stages of cheating with. He meets them all on the internet and I truly believe he’s addicted to sex and that he is incapable of love. I know he’s attached to me (see I’ve been reading this site), but I doubt he is capable of love. BUT, how can I confront him and leave him when he won’t even admit that he’s done wrong? I have confronted him several times, but he NEVER admits it; he always denies it and somehow turns it around to be ME and my issue of mistrust.
For a while, I tried to warn the women and let them know what was going on – but I did it as a third party so as not to be the "other woman"... looking back, I think now it was my attempt at making some type of penance for being stupid enough to still be in this relationship. Even now, I am sitting here waiting on him to come home – having found out that he was with another woman today. I just want to close my eyes and wake up from this horrible dream and it isn’t going to happen without me taking a significant step. I am an accomplished, intelligent, professional woman who makes major strategic decisions for everyone else every day....but I’m absolutely crippled when he refuses to admit he’s done wrong. I’m to the point where I want to EXPOSE him so that he can’t make anymore excuses.... but wouldn’t it just be simpler if I would just walk away because I can?

How many stories told in how many ways do we need? I too have always known and just recently caught and confronted my husband. He begged me not to leave even if I couldn’t trust him. We are in counseling now and as I peel the layers of my own dysfunction and choices. I know in my heart that I will eventually leave him. For as much as I want to be loved by him I know I am not in love with him. Who could love a liar and a cheater? Who could love someone who is deliberate enough and malicious enough to deceive in that way? So for now I shift the focus to myself- rebuilding my strength and possibilities and know that separation is a process not an event. For those still questioning or tolerating above... it’s time to focus on the why’s that you can answer about yourself and your behavior and when you are ready you will know and have the will to move on.

My comment is if it talks like a liar, acts like a liar, works bizarre hours, pays no attention to family, their money is unaccounted for and keeps telling you "nothing is wrong with me, I am just tired" then they are cheating. I also need to say that my experience of my husband cheating has been one of "The Most" traumatic experiences in my life. He has made a mockery of my life long dream, he has humiliated me among my friends and family, he has drained me financially, emotionally, and spiritually, and he has no values or morals. Before and when we got married he was completely different, but when my husband feels sorry for himself, he makes all of his family members and loved ones pay for it. Unfortunately, as much as I used to love my husband, I realize not only is he extremely selfish but also has some mental health issues. Having said all of that... what does that make me? Stupid? I am taking responsibility for my decisions and I feel like, I need to learn more about making healthy decisions because apparently I made an extremely poor decision. As far as I am concerned now, my husband did not love me, does not love me, and never will, and it is time for me to find a man who can. That’s my truth about deception!

In reading the many stories above I can see myself in so many of them. I wanted so hard to believe that my husband was not cheating that I allowed myself to believe it was a problem within me. My husband was famous for saying it was in my thoughts and mistrust denying cheating constantly but still repeating it. I have learned that you cannot take responsibility for someone lacking a moral conscience. No matter what you do on your end does not change what decisions morally they will make on their own. Yes they want you to be their lifetime partner. Yes they will provide for you but they will also always find a problem with you when they are unhappy or to excuse that they cannot face real life. Their lives many times consist of fantasies and thrills of being with others. But these men also want to have a wife ready and waiting at home to take care of them. When I finally said after three years of being married that I had had enough. I did not deserve to be treated this way and would not accept it, he turned violent. This went to show me what I had was not love but I was merely a possession that he depended on to take care of him. If I wasn’t going to wait on him hand and foot then the marriage was over. To him the cheating didn’t matter after all he was providing for me and that was his only role in the marriage.

I want more out of life and feel I deserve much better. While it hurts that I ended the marriage due to who I thought he was, when I realized what he is there has to be better out there. I want a life of truth, real love and honesty. Without this I am just punishing myself for making a wrong decision in marrying him. His violence, like his cheating he denies and blames me when every act he has committed was his choice and who he is. Instead of feeling sorry for myself or playing the martyr I want a healthy and happy life. Your many stories have helped me see that this was never about me but who I chose to marry. Marriage is not a life sentence and should never be treated as such. Why be imprisoned in a world of hurt, betrayal, lies and pain when there is so much more out there. Marriage or any relationship is based off of honesty, trust and respect. To really love one another will keep this in place. To have one take advantage of this is an unhealthy individual who will always blame others for their actions and their choices. To be a real man takes courage and strength which I found my husband had neither.

My boyfriend left me for the fourth time a month a half ago. We were together off and on for two years. When I met him he got a job as a club promoter which gave him a lot of opportunity to cheat and flirt. He loved the stability that I could offer him but couldn’t resist the temptation of flirting and god knows whatever else. He was living a double life with me. He is & years younger than I and I guess I was more of a care taker to him. he is a handsome man with a French accent that the girls falls for. He knows how to manipulate and play the game....even with me. He broke up with me a couple of times because he wanted the freedom to play without me questioning him. Most of the time he left when he felt a little more established in his job and could support himself.(Yes, I was an idiot and paid most of the bills... whatever)Anyway, I need some advice.... When he left he told me that He doesn’t know if he could be a committed relationship because of his past trauma and abuse in his childhood. He is afraid of commitment. He said he is not looking for a relationship when he leaves, he just wants to be alone for now. Well I believe now that THAT was his "OUT" out of the relationship. He said he loved me but if he really did he wouldn’t fall into someones arms right away like I just found out. He is dating a girl now his age... thirty four yrs old, no kids(I have a son and he found it hard to deal with and get close to because he wasn’t really into me) Fake boobs (he likes big boobs), successful in real estate, big house (I have a small apartment which he lived in with me....mooching), she’s 5’9 (he likes tall...I’m 5’5). Anyway he found a catch... an upgrade material wise from me. He is a pretty superficial guy who puts on the persona that he is a great guy.... NARCARRIST! He said one time to me that I should be better than him. He can mess up but I had to be perfect for him so he could feel proud and show me off. But as soon as I gave up my power in the relationship, he lost respect for me.No longer proud to be with me and he treated me as such.He likes the girl on his arm to shine to make himself look good to others. I think he has an inferiority complex. But he puts an an arrogant outer shell. When I lost weight because of all this stress and anxiety, he would say his friends think I’m on drugs or something. He probably hated to hear that someone doesn’t think I look good.
Anyway, my question is....I am sure he feels he got a great catch after me with this new girl and he would be a fool to mess it up but will he sabotage it because of his fear of intimacy... fear of failure and rejection because he feels inferior. He always gets these great woman and messes it up. He told me when I first met him that he was afraid of messing it up with me and he did. Life has given him another opportunity, someone who has more material things which he likes, Either he will mess it up or hopefully she can see more clearly than I did and see right through him. But lust and love make you blind. Do you think eventually he will mess this one up?

Oh my – thank goodness I came across this site. I found my husband was having an affair with not one but two women on 12/22, and I unkindly asked him to leave our home that night. He has done so, and the day after Christmas wrote me a horrible e-mail telling me how I deserved better than him, that he’s sorry he ruined my Christmas, and that he was thankful that he wasn’t going to ruin the rest of my life just as soon as we could dissolve our marriage. I told him he was going to have to file, because I took my marriage vows seriously, and I wasn’t going to file for the divorce. He went into a TIRADE about how he could go and get an annulment in Nevada in 72 hours by claiming that he married me for immigration reasons, and then ended it by saying "but of course, I would then be deported for 10 years". Like that’s my fault? I told him that I didn’t marry him for immigration – I married him for LOVE! For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, and that he should think long and hard before he rushes headlong into destruction. He then proceeded to tell me he was sorry for blowing up – that he’s cornered and doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he lost his job effective 12/31, and due to his Amnesty Visa, if he doesn’t find a job in 30 days, he will be deported. Again....like that’s my fault??? He lost his job because he was screwing around and not paying attention to his work! The horrible, horrible part is...I still love him. The best part, I guess, is that this has been the best diet ever. 10 pounds in 8 days is a record! Ladies, if we don’t keep a sense of humor, we’re dead, right?

Hi Ladies, my heart is sinking & it’s not. Why? Because the "truth" about the matter is that I’m beginning to realize that to get a man to stop cheating, who has a history of it, is like taking an alcoholic or drug user through a 12-step program. They (the men) have to 1st admit that it’s a problem if they really love the woman they’re with. 2nd they have to have the "desire" to want to change & be committed to that change. All of the proceeding steps involve acting on that change from their thought processes to their environments.

This is therapeutic to me as I write this & I’ll share my story in a minute. But I want to say before hand, that temptation is a very strong demon. It comes at us in different forms & constantly. The sad truth is, how strong are any of us when it comes to something we try to avoid but end up using/doing anyway? With that said, it doesn’t condone nor excuse a man that "decides" to cheat on his wife/girlfriend, because at the end of the day it’s still a "choice" I don’t care how powerful the temptation may be.

With me, I suspect my boyfriend, just shy of a 1-year together, of cheating now or at least has once, since we’ve been together. In the year that we’ve been together, we’ve had some traumatic experiences, collectively & individually so most of the "honeymoon stage" of our relationship had to be put on the back burner while we dealt with life issues. Yes we did it together, (dealt with & supported each other through the storms) however, now he’s more apt to becoming cold, distant & our sex life is not as intense or I have to be the 1 to initiate it. He watches porn constantly, but then tells me that he’s too tired, or it’s stress when it comes to me. So his sexual desire is there & when I question why it isn’t there with me, he says that it’s all in my head & that he still does. So why are we only having sex once a week if that? Whereas, in our 1st 5-6 mos. of dating, I couldn’t keep him off of me. I’ve come to the point where I mark on a calendar when sex occurs just to see a pattern. I’ve also recently found new ph#s in his cell phones w/ girls names I’ve never seen before & text messages to & from these girls. Yet another excuse, he’s had his phone for 3-years before we met, a lot of these women are "old" friends who he can’t help that they’re calling him. However, I’ve spoken to 1 of them who said she didn’t even know he had a woman "like that", but according to him they "know about me". That means nothing, cuz most women who want your man knew why they couldn’t fully have him, it’s because he was married or involved with someone else! I could go on & on...I love my man as well, but my rose colored glasses have fallen & cracked to the ground. I should have been more educated regarding "once a cheat always a cheat" because he’s told me repeatedly that this is the "1st relationship he hasn’t cheated on, mainly because this is the 1st relationship he’s ever been in love". While that appeared flattering at 1st & I wanted to believe him because I also think that people can change now, I’m not so sure. I’ve recently told him this when I confronted him with my "suspicions" (never again until I get concrete proof..I read that section )I also told him that that scares me most because that means that’s his pattern, that’s what he’s accustomed to. Who’s to say that while he’s in his 12-step program (in love with me) that he won’t relapse? I don’t know. I’m trying to keep the faith that maybe with me it will be different & stop interrogating or investigating and let God reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it. I just want to save myself from the heartache that many of you have gone through. Keep your head up ladies...we will survive!

HI LADIES, I feel so sad when I read all these accounts of partners cheating. I am in the process of splitting with my boyfriend too. We have only been together two years and it has never been consistent. He has always ruined things after a few days by breaking things off or causing an argument. He is emotionally abusive and constantly accuses me of being unfaithful,life with him has become nothing but pain, hurt and chaos. He has always been in contact with other women and has often told me about them when we are on one one of our break ups, he says he loves me and he has not had sex with these women but intuition tells me different. The final straw came just recently when he came home with a love bite on his neck and tried to tell me it was a rash, I am a nurse and I know the difference. I tried to throw him out and he wouldn’t go, things got very heated and I ended up being arrested and held in police cells overnight for common assault. My god I am horrified as i type this and scared for my future. He says he got the lovebite from a woman he met in the pub, apparently she just jumped on him. I was so outraged from all his lies and his desperate attempt to deny his cheating at all cost, I kinda just flipped. I am a kind compassionate women and I have devoted my life to caring for others, it sickens me to think that I could lose my career because of this doomed relationship with him, no one will want to employ a nurse with an assault charge on her record, I am hoping it won’t come to this but it is very possible. I suppose it takes two to tango I some would say the mess I am in is my own fault for allowing him back in my life all the time. He is very manipulative and knows how to play me. However, it has taken something as serious as maybe losing my career to bring me to my senses. I still love him but not like I used to, I’m scared that I will never meet or love anyone the way I love him, but I would rather live alone and in peace than be a sad figure of a woman living with a master deceiver. I feel empowered through reading all your stories and I congratulate you ladies that have found the courage to end it, I know I will now it’s just a matter of time. I would appreciate some feed back if anyone has the time or inclination. kind regards Dawn x

Hi ladies, I am just 26 years old and have been married to my husband for 4 years. In total we have been together nearly 8 years. In that time we have laughed together, cried together and been through some really bad things. I thought he was my best friend, my lover and my soul mate and I trusted him 100%. In October 2007 I found out that he had been cheating on me with an older woman for 3 years. He swears he is sorry, says he loves me and will never hurt me again. But the damage is done and I am finding it hard to accept him back and I certainly don’t trust him. No one could believe it when I told them about his cheating because he has always seemed such a loyal and devoted husband. I don’t want to tear my family apart but I am having a really hard time dealing with it????????? He tells me that everyone makes mistakes and his friends have cheated on their wives and been forgiven. Am I the only one who thinks what he has done is devastating, am I wrong for not being able to let go and forgive????

This site was exactly what I needed. Not that I wanted to see other peoples heartbreak, but because I wanted/needed to know I wasn’t alone. Just want you ladies to know I spare a thought for you and feel your pain & emotion through all your stories you’ve written.

I’ve been in a relationship for four years, since i was a teenager. He’s my first-love, yet like so many of you.. I know he constantly flirts/cheats! I’ve caught him once, and he admitted to one relationship he had at the same time with me, I forgave him then as in the beginning we were apart distantly for some time. The thing that hurts the most is he’s with another married women who’s got kids right now. She’s a total B*tch and has rubbed it in my face! I wonder if anyone else has ever experienced the other women being a nasty B word? It makes me feel humiliated and a total fool, problem is my boyfriend will and won’t ever admit it too me, and is in total denial. Problem is, I love him to death, we’re meant to get married in about a year.. Yet I don’t think I can commit.

I’m ashamed to just pretend what happens right now is not happening. Love is destroying and uncontrollable, so strong that we may even stay in the hurt & pain. Weird as it may be, I know I’ll destroy him if I leave.. I know he loves but, but he can’t control himself..

There’s other pieces to the puzzle, but I best leave it as this.

I just recently found out my husbands been having an affair. Its been going on for 5mths and its so hard. We have been together for 12 years married for 4 years and we have 2 beautiful boys together 2yrs and 5 yrs. I had suspicions but I just told myself I trusted him and he wouldn’t do that to me. Boy did I feel stupid. I just fill like I will never be able to trust him again. He did suggest going to marriage counseling and we have been for a month now. He says he wants to work it out and that he cant live without me or his kids, but I just think to myself how could he do this have sexual relations with her than come home to me. It just makes me sick. That bad part was he worked with her and my mom was there boss.

It happened to me, too, but I’m over it now. As long as I never have to see him or have any contact with him, I’m good. It’s taken a year. Fortunately he lives on the other side of the planet. But I wanted to say something to those women who blame themselves or think they are worthless, stupid, and so on. I’ve lived all over the world, and it’s always the nicest people who have the worst governments. Cheaters by their nature encounter loads of potential partners, and also, by their nature, don’t trust easily (because they know all about lying). So who do they choose to marry? Only the most decent, kind, loving and trustworthy among us. NOT because they can pull the wool over our eyes, but because they think that by marrying us they’ll have one solid rock in their shifty, deceitful lives. They don’t LIKE being the way they are. So please, ladies, don’t beat yourselves up because you fell for a bad ‘un. Just don’t fall into the trap of believing you can change him. You’ll end uo buried under all his shit. Good luck all!

I’m married to my husband for the past eight years. We have two beautiful kids, 7 years old son and 4 years old daughter. By profession he is a hotelier. Although he told me about his colorful past, I never imagined he could cheat on me, especially physically. That was the biggest mistake I ever made! Twice he was thrown out of his job because he used to have sex while he was working. He has been and still is involve with a lot of women, he frequently has phone sex, and he is least bothered about his image. He has no idea that I know all about this, because whenever I confronted him he denies everything! He is a psycho. Now I am only using him, the way he used me. My entire focus is my two children and their good upbringing and I give a shit about my morally corrupt husband, who is actually a sex addict.

You don’t need men... life is so much better... and must say less painful without them. My dad’s a cheater... and all the men around me are too...
must be something in there blood...

Hello Everyone.
Ok, I am a 16 student.
First off, I hate men... all of them.
I hope any one who has been cheated on and has kids reads this.
My father is a pig and has cheated on my mother... millions of times. But, she is staying "for her kids"...me and my brother.
We all know that he is a cheater... I have known this for as long as i can remember... probably before my mom did.
And she tells everyone she stays for us.
WOMEN – DON’T STAY WITH HIM FOR YOUR KIDS
Trust me. It’s worse. Your killing your kids... slowly but surely.
I hate being in the same house as him.
Every time he does it hurt us more then it does you because we have to deal with whether to tell or not... are we suppose to tell... then it will start trouble make you sad and we don’t wanna do it... so we help hide it and its just hard.
I don’t think his makes any sense.
I’m just trying to help your kids out... cause I have been dealing with this for so long.
JUST LEAVE.
If you don’t leave... you are going to mess up your kids head... and they are never gonna tell you.

My soon to be ex fiance cheated on me when I was seven months pregnant, It lasted for three months. I knew the girl he did this with, whats worse is she kept trying to be my friend because she didn’t have any (imagine that). It was his idea to have a baby he begged me for months to get pregnant so he wore me down and I agreed only to find him having an affair. At first he was sorry and then he had the nerve to say it was my fault. What a load of crap!!! He knew what my pregnancy would be like, we already have other kids. He is a deputy and apparently some women out there have badge fetishes and don’t care if there married taken or whatever. Whats sucks is he wants to stay together, but the reality is it’s been almost a year since I found out and I will never be able to forgive him or love him like I used to,he has made it impossible for me to respect him,or look at him like a decent member of society. I’m angry he ruined our family he hurt the kids and me, for some fat dispatcher. I refuse to live with a man that I look at like gutter trash. I have higher regard for stray dogs and homeless people than I do for him. Sounds harsh but a year later and thats how I feel.

Okay... I have been thinking all this time that I am ALONE in this world... but guess what? After reading how many other women are living my nightmare I realize I am definitely not alone. Long story short, been married just 5 years. Thought this man walked on water. He is in the military, I have stood by him through 2 deployments, left my career, traveled with him, gave up everything not once but twice to make it work only to discover that he is NEVER going to change. Just recently left him and moved back to my home state where I am struggling every minute of every day to piece back together my life, move on and not think about him. There have been moments when I absolutely want to die but 6 weeks into our separation I am finally sleeping, starting to eat and falling OUT OF denial. My husband cheated on me more times than I can even remember, got someone else pregnant, gave me an STD and brought me so low that even I didn’t recognize myself. Met these sleezy women on the internet, clubs or anywhere you can find a woman who will sleep with a married man and not care. You name it and I have been through it. I felt and still sometimes feel like I cannot live without him but I know...somehow I will and the idea of dying with AIDs just somehow always brings things to light. I set this up only for this purpose. It is a help to talk with people who are experiencing the same thing and trust me... YOUR FRIENDS, most likely have forgotten what its like to be in your shoes. If you are one who is going through this, don’t feel like the Lone Ranger and don’t let people put you down for your efforts. Just try to sole search and find out why you have let it happen and what you have to do to never let it happen again. That is where I am at right now. For those of you who are the "other woman" please do not email me. No disrespect to you but it seems you have no respect for the woman whose husband you are sleeping with so keep in mind what goes around...always comes back around. That I do know. Hope to hear from someone soon.

I was married for 30 years... and we were so happy... but he always did his thing. He played soccer every weekend, trained twice a week and spent every Fri & Sat in a bar...
I had 3 kids, and we didn’t have any money... so I thought up ways to earn money and went to work whenever he came in. I had a small grocery store for a while... worked 24/7 for 5 years as the kids grew up... and he blamed me for being tired all the time, not wanting to go out etc. If I did want to go out, it was me had to find a babysitter, find money to pay her and then find something to wear. He didn’t really like going out with me.
I knew he was flirty, but I kind of liked it because he was good looking and I felt good when other women looked at my man. One woman in particular was always hanging round him. My two daughters didn’t like her. I felt threatened but ignored it because he always said he would never cheat "It’s you and me against the world!" he’d say... and I’d believe him.
On our 25th wedding anniversary I arranged a trip away. He wouldn’t go. When I arranged the same trip the following year, he couldn’t wait to get back and I found him on the phone to flirtygirl telling her all about what we’d done... I should have left him then...I didn’t.
Two years later, I came home early from work one day and he was in bed with the barmaid from the local bar. I threw him out and divorced him. My kids stood by me as he continued to lie to them (meanwhile the barmaid was admitting to having sex with him and agreeing to be the other woman in the divorce) The kids still think he’s an ass.
Now he has another long term girlfriend, but he texts me most days, comes to take me to lunch while I’m at work....and he lies to her constantly about where he is.

It’s a shame she doesn’t know what a lying, cheating piece of sh*t he is... but I think it won’t be long till he gets caught out again. Why am I allowing him to do this to another poor long suffering woman? Well... because it’ll hurt him... and he needs to know how that feels!!

I feel so much pain and hurt for all these people who
have been cheated on.
May I share my pain with you all, I’m a young widow, and I have two children, and my husband was a good, faithful man. But I’ve survived and its made me stronger, and so will all of you, be strong and love yourselves enough not to be treated with so much disrespect, this is not love at all when you are cheated on!! Good Luck

My husband and I have been married 5 years. We are 26 and 28. My husband is not a sexually active man since he has gained weight and I feel like he is not faithful. He has lied to me about being at work and he is at a bar drinking. He flirts with women in front of me when we go out and have a few drinks. I have confronted him about it and he says that he does nothing wrong. I have a habit of bringing up the past when we argue but I feel like he never allows me to heal before he does something again to open the wound. I feel like we are both tired, me always on the defense and he wishing I was the woman he married not the bitter woman I am now. I have not caught him cheating but if I did, he and I would be over. I feel so mad when he flirts and I would not want to be married to a cheater.

Your gut never lies. Get this, I have been married 29 years to a police officer, liar, and a compulsive sex addict. Five years into our marriage he got another woman pregnant. I found out about the child
Ten years later, he gave me warts, infections, totally traumatized me. I grew up watching my mother be abused by my father, so I thought it was normal to tolerate such abuse by a man.

After 29 years of marriage you would think he would give it up. I live each day in misery knowing it’s only a matter of time that he will be on his journey again! I am filled with bitterness, hate, anger for this man. He is such the tall, dark, handsome, "funny... charmer" He can charm any woman!!! He is the kindest person, so everyone falls into his charm. He knows exactly how to get any woman he wants into bed by his kindness, charm. B/S. At a party that I wasn’t invited to, there was a CD of him having a very long kiss with one of his co-workers, and hugging , grabbing two other womans breasts. After almost thirty years of tolerating his crap my gut knows this will never ever end.

Today all I want is my sanity, peace in my mind from this horror. I should of left so, so, long ago.
My husband has always treated me well, other than his secretive lies. At my age of 49, and being married for almost 30 years nothing has changed for me. I still live in this world of craziness, fear, hate, quilt, shame, sorrow, and pain.

If these cheaters can get away with it... they just do it!! It’s a power trip to help them with their own lack of self esteem, it feeds them, it fills their own lack. They feel empowered, in control, when they can get that cute woman with the fake boobs into the sack... or anyone else that has the need to be loved.

After 30 years I’m absolutely DONE!!! I’m just waiting to catch the secretive liar. I’m living in denial... I know what I want today, someone with MORALS... does it even exist???? I doubt it!

I’m somewhat awake today, after many years of soul searching, counseling. There is no love in my heart for this man. I’m going through the motions only. I like the man, but will NEVER give him myself fully again!!
These were his choices and after thirty years... THEY NEVER...CHANGE. I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY.

My mother stayed with the same abuser, so this was my role model, my grandmother stayed with her abuser/husband for years, and he was my (grandfather) that for years tried to abuse me??? he was in his seventies.

WE NEED TO TEACH OUR KIDS THE MORALS THAT HAVE BEEN LOST.

There is know excuse for me staying in this. I was scared straight as a child, abused, fear, emotional abuse in childhood, severe fighting and screaming that my MOM stayed in. I watched her suffer in the same kind of horror. I was taught, that this kind of behavior was ok to be in. Get your kids out if your in this kind of cycle.
It seems so many families are trapped into this sick cycle.

THE SIGNS, I THINK I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT THEM AFTER 30 YEARS.
1. SECRETIVE
2. COP HOURS, "ALWAYS WORKS OVERTIME"
3. CELL PHONE -HIDES IT AT WORK, NEVER BRINGS IT HOME
4. CELL PHONE BILL KEEPS IT AT WORK, SO I DON’T QUESTION HIM.
5. PAY STUB HIDES IT OR FROM YOU AT DIFFERENT TIMES.
6. SOMEONES PERFUME ON HIS CLOTHES
7. SOME NIGHTS NEVER COMES HOME UNTIL 2:00, 3:00 A.M.
8. STAYS OUT LATE
9. WORKS OUT A LOT MORE THAN BEFORE
10. BUYS NEW CLOTHES
11. GOES EVERYWHERE BY HIMSELF
12. TALKS TO OTHER WOMAN A LOT
13. VERY FRIENDLY TO WOMAN
14. DRINKS A LOT
**BIGGEST CLUE HIDING THERE CELL PHONE, PHONE BILL, PAY CHECKS, WORKING OT, HIDING EVERYTHING FROM YOU, """SECRETIVE""", WANTS EVERYTHING SEPARATE FROM YOU, WANTS HIS OWN ACCOUNT...DISTANT
CHEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Having just chucked my husband out of 5 years (we have been together 10) after finding a text from another woman on his phone, I can tell you they don’t change. My ex had an affair one year before we were married and one year after. He also had two affairs whilst married to his first wife!!
What can I say, the writing was on the wall, and I thought I could make it better for him. I was devastated when I found he had an affair, it ruined the memory of my wedding day knowing that the person standing beside me in the wedding photos was having sex with another woman. But I took him back – his acts of contrition were unbelievable, he really acted sorry, and totally made up during the past 5 years,buying me a new car, buying me presents, flowers, weekends away, exotic holidays,... until a few months ago, when my gut instincts kicked in again... then I found the text. This time however, my head is held high, I know it isn’t me, this time I am totally innocent and not one person can say I didn’t try! He is of course denying the text meant anything, that it was harmless flirting etc etc, but the guy is nuts, he really is living in a denial – he is a pathological liar who has no self esteem and frankly he ain’t my problem any more.
Move on girl, get the strength to end the relationship – it isn’t easy, you will go through pain, you will cry – I do, I miss the adult company, I miss being married, I miss looking forward to spending time with my husband – BUT I DON’T MISS HIM! and there is a difference, I think far too much of myself to put up with anyone who doesn’t share my values and ideals – learn to love yourself and you too will get that inner strength to get rid of him. good luck xx

WOW. It’s been so beneficial for me to read everyone’s stories and comments. I found out about 6 weeks ago that my boyfriend, who had been living with me for 9 months, had been cheating on me with not just 1, but 2 different women. Each started about 3 months after the other. When finally caught, he said that he doesn’t think he’s capable of change... but still loved me and wanted to try, and didn’t want to lose me. So we tried. Or at least I TRIED. I thought we were trying, but he was only continuing to lie so he could keep me happy and continue to see the other woman. Like many of you have said in your comments -- I should’ve seen the writing on the wall. I am not the 1st, 2nd, or even the 3rd person he’s been with and cheated on. It is a cycle and pattern he is incapable of breaking. That would require that he actually WANTED to break it. These last 6 weeks have been pure emotional HELL... as I really do love him and want to BELIEVE that he can be different and we can make it. But my belief in him has been re-shattered too many times, and it’s not enough for me to be the only one trying and believing. He cannot and will not change.... it’s been very difficult for me to accept that, because I want him to so badly. But he is not my mess to fix.... NONE of these cheating, lying men are our mess to fix. We deserve better.

In short: been there, done that, wounds don’t heal.
With that being said, I’ve come to realize that most of us are for one reason or another stuck in the situation, otherwise, it would be easier to just pack and go.
The ladies who have invested 1/2 their lives sacrificing career for family, lost our identities, for compulsive cheaters who never had the ability to respect.
Wouldn’t it be great if somehow the cheated on, like in first wives club, could network together nationwide and unite, help each other get jobs that we could actually raise our kids by ourselves on, afford to pay rent and eat. There has to be an enormous collection of ladies who have been used and abused by cheaters, landlords, employers, lawyers, etc. that if we all looked after another, maybe the tables would be turned on these men.
I do believe one in less desirable circumstance has to get their ducks in a row prior to leaving, and with today’s economy, that isn’t always easy to do. I’m trying to do that now, and what I thought was a year extension of misery is now going into the second year of escape prep!!
I do believe that the only way to beat a cheater, is to leave. Love is respect, and cheating is disrespect.

I’m fifty four years old, and I’ve been divorced for two years almost. My cheater left his first wife for me, and I smugly thought he would never cheat on me HAH!! LEOPARDS DO NOT BECOME TIGERS!!!!
How to know your husband of 14 years is cheating:
1. He has worn white cotton briefs for our entire marriage, and now wears silk boxers. Told me I was the underwear police when I questioned him about it.
2. Asks me, his then 52 year old wife in full blown menopause if it is ok for him to get a vasectomy!
3. Starts wearing gold chains, new shirts and cologne to "go have a beer with the guys"
4. Calls me every day at work, to find out what I am doing after work. I thought, how nice, he thought, I need to know where she is so she won’t catch me.
5. Spends hours on the cell phone, out in the hot tub, then tells me he is talking to one of our mutual friends. I go in the house, and call that friend, who has not heard from him in months.....
6. I found Viagra and Condoms in his wallet, then he tells me that the Viagra was for me( HA!) and the condoms were his sons, (What bull!)
7. I catch him with the 30 year old blond, who looks cute on a barstool and has the IQ of lint and he says the all time classic "It’s not what you think..."

So please tell me, what is it then??
Keep your chin up, gals, They really aren’t worth all of this pain. You will eventually laugh your butt off over the whole thing.

18 years of marriage and infidelity- I am sitting here trying to do some work and wondering who my husband is screwing tonight. My spouse is into men. We both just agreed on a divorce- but I am left with all the worries and tears. I feel so ashamed, stupid and very lonely.

I am that man! I have noticed that there are so many comments about the victimized women and I feel for you all, but as I said I am that man and no it’s not something that I’m happy about. I have spent the better part of the last 20 years doing what I have done. My wife has forgiven me a number of times, but I continued. I don’t want to lose my marriage but I have struggled with this problem constantly justifying what I do with some trivial crap just to make myself feel better. I know it’s very wrong and for the last couple years I have struggled trying to understand why that happens to me. I was raised without a father or guidance from my mother. I tried to have a discussion with her not too long ago regarding this problem. I have never met my father, so I asked if he was also like me, or better yet is this something that I inherited from him. I hate that this occurs and my wife is about to leave me after my last incident. My wife is beautiful and walks on water for me, so it’s not like these other women were better or offered me more. That has been the most difficult thing to accept and understand.
I can’t stand to bare the thought of not having my wife and 4 children. I do know that I have issues and that I need to fix them. I have turned to GOD since I have hit rock bottom. I have also began to read a number of books that have changed the way I see things both at home and within myself. One of them is "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. This booked helped me in understanding the importance of my family and my marriage. It teaches you to see the important things and accept her for who she is and see how special she really is. This addressed the excuse of thinking that you’re not happy at home with your wife and that this other women gives you something that you can’t get at home. The other book was "Every Man’s Battle" this book guides you in controlling the Male Human Sexual Instinct that is discussed on this site. It relates to the sexual behaviors of the male mind and how to go about making the changes to eliminate these behaviors. This is a good read for women as well since it describes what men think in detail. What our mental thought process goes through and how we feed off of our thoughts and how they turn into sexual desires. The author also includes the female point of view in each chapter so that as a male reader you get the womens perspective into something that she knew nothing about. Both of these books have helped me adjust my behavior, but I see that it is a constant struggle. I also know that the man must acknowledge his problem and want to change his behavior. He must see himself as the problem and want to change himself.
I don’t know if my marriage will survive since my wife has been so hurt, but for my own sake and the sake of my family and possible future partners, I must overcome this issue, because I can’t stand myself. I feel like a failure and I know I’m better than that.
I am so sorry for what you women have gone through, but please believe that deep down inside we really don’t want to be the way we are.
I hope in some way my comments may be a little helpful.

Thank you everyone – I needed to know that I am not alone. This is his 3rd time, I have 3 small children and I am freaking out thinking he might give me a disease from his affairs. This time, like others have said, I know its not me. But I feel stuck, held hostage, I found out two weeks after buying a new house that I cant afford on my own. Even still I probably would leave but I work late hours and he needs to be there to take care of the kids. These men are selfish and disgusting. He laid up with these questionable women and came home and kissed my children! How disgusting. He even went so far as to bring them to my house. I truly believe there is nothing I can do to fix this. I want to be able to look my children in the eye and tell them that I did everything I could to make it work but how many times do I have to forgive?

Thanks KX for your insight, but I have been married for 2 years, and my husband does not care about my feelings at all. I think men who cheat are very selfish. I have heard all the promises, and I tell him that he needs to really pray if he wants to change cause I cannot make him. I am tired of the drama, and yesterday we had the final talk. I think it’s finally over. I just don’t know why it hurts so bad. This man hurt me immensely, so shouldn’t I be happy we finally through?

My husband cheats. I know it – he doesn’t know i know. He’s done this with women I know and even with women who have been in our home. He was married before and cheated on her with me, so I can’t say I am a victim. What to do? Well, while you must have crossed a certain threshold to take the action I’ve taken, I am now cheating on him. With men he might know and men I find sexually desirable. Given that his ego is huge (overcompensation on his part, not warranted by life circumstances) and that I am much sharper than he is, he’ll never suspect. Is this for everyone? No. But I’ve made my peace with married life and I am enjoying the hedonist path to sanity and contentment.

Hi,

I have a suggestion for you.
Go for a long tour (with him only) for at least 15 days. Ask him to fulfill his fantasies with you. You too try to enjoy and do the things which he likes. And buy the things for him which he likes, and try to give him his favorite food. In short, just go for a SECOND HONEYMOON !!!
May this thing works and you are able to have a good married life with him.
And if this works, then DO NOT forget to repeat the whole procedure every 5-6 months.

Did you know that a woman who stays with a man who cheats becomes a co-addict in the man’s sex addiction (assuming it is a sex/intimacy addiction which it very often is). She becomes the catalyst needed for the man to continue his behavior. If you are in a relationship like this seek a someone who specializes in helping sex addictions. YOU cannot change him, but you can try and support him to change himself. Don’t try to help him directly because like any addict chances are he simply wont listen. Just somehow get him to a professional. Remember you are working with an addict not someone who is doing things to hurt you.

PS: Most people who cheat on their spouses are women... men just get caught more often. We are all human and the only thing some sort of man hating, feminist attitude will gain you is pain.

Well after reading all the letters I believe we WOMAN must not put to much TRUST on their Man which once a upon time I was also a victim. It was very difficult moment but than again I was able to WAKE UP from a nightmare. Decided to earn extra money for myself and my two daughters. They think they have a wonderful father but soon they will know what kind of (Father) was he when they grow up. So you woman out there don’t show your husband what you EARN as one day he might u can also make him your slave!!! Which is what I am doing NOW. I ignore whatever he does but at the same time be FIRM in all my decisions.

My older sister is turning 30 this year and just found out in November of 07 that her husband of almost years had cheated on her with a coworker. Before being married they were together for 12 years. My brother-in-law was like a brother to my younger sister and I and like the son my dad never had. He had this demeanor that he was a good boy and by far the best choice for his eldest daughter. Big joke that was.... He told her it only happened once but everyone knew deep down it was a lie. The only reason why she found out was because of a text message....he had deleted all his inbox messages but forgot to delete the outgoing messages. So basically she found out by default. He is the kind of man who gives off a sexual energy.. always touchy freely and flirty. I always wondered why my sister didn’t question him sometimes but it was only because she is naive and believed he was the best thing for her. Since then my sister has lost a considerable amount of weight...not from exercising and eating healthy but from depression. It is sad when people who have only seen her once or twice comment on how she looks sickly. After discovering this my sister stayed at my parents house for four days then went back to him on HER birthday. Since then she has completely changed and has not been the person who she was before, the sister I have known my whole life. Their is a bitterness in her tone and a sadness in her eyes. She just recently told us that she is having a baby... I was speechless and could not bring myself to be happy for her. It is plain to see that this is just a desperate attempt to mend their broken marriage. I know he did it more than once and I know he will continue to do so when my sister is engulfed with the new life growing inside her. He is a research assistant who works odd hours at times so unless I catch him myself I don’t think she would ever leave him. Can someone please give me advice on this... I am desperate and can’t watch my sister wither away and live on this false hope that it only happened once and will never happen again. Someone please help.

I’m in deep pain right now. Karen (UK) said learn to love yourself, how can I do that when every time I get out of one of his flings, I end up hating myself, stuffing myself and ruining every possible chance I have in life! I’m on self destruct mode right now. I wish I can just die and all this will be over. I went to counselling and they told me that you have to love yourself, will someone tell me how to do that when its me who is letting him keep going on and on? Im married by the way, since I was 19. 8 years now and nothing changed.

This is a sad website! I have been married for 8 years to a mostly wonderful man. His only problem is that he is a dreadful cheat. I really don’t have a problem with the cheating because this is my second marriage and my first ended because of cheating. I have numerous girlfriends who have cheating husbands. This is something that just happens. I think that more than 50% of men cheat. The reason that they cheat is the experience of sex with other women... the thrill. I have tried all kinds of sexual things to spice up our sex life, toys, lingerie, dirty talk, you name it. There is just something about having sex with someone new for him. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but for some reason he can’t stop the affairs. The sad thing is that I always find out about the women that he is sleeping with. I spoke to the last two women who seemed to form some attachment to him that they could not break even though they on got to spend a few hours a month with him. I don’t understand how they continue an affair with someone they cannot have more time with. Funny thing, both women said that the sex was horrible (erectile). He and I have great sex!!! I think that he has cheated so many times that he feels guilty and cannot completely perform. I think this is God’s punishment for his infidelity !

Ladies,
Yes my husband is cheating and I know it. He is so bold that she gave him a cell phone and pays the bill. Most of the time he drives around in her car. When I approach him about it he says these a just material things and lies about their relationship. Give me a break! We have been married for eighteen years a three children. One who is grown and other are teenagers. Sometimes I want him to leave and sometimes I don’t. We have a house together and I am not going to leave my home and I think he knows this. I feel awful to say the least. Sometimes I feel like cheating but nice guys are limited and I might just end up with another cheater. Then there is the threat of Aids an other diseases. What’s a good women to do?

Hi ladies I just happened to bump into this website I just want to let you all know that their is a light at the end of the tunnel. My so call then boyfriend would cheat on me all the time and when I would confront him he would always cry and tell me how so sorry he was I forgave him a few times even had his child (I already had a child from a previous relationship) but things just got worst, I finally got up packed my things and both my children and I were gone for good. He tried to come back but I refused to put up with his behavior he could never keep a job, he never had any money to help support his child in anyway, but always had money to party with friends and women. Just before my 2nd child turned 9 months I met the most wonderful man in the world he loves both my children and I and has been the only father figure my children have ever seen my youngest calls him daddy and in my eyes that is and will always be his father. It has been almost 3 years since I first met my prince charming and life has never been more wonderful we got married found out we are expecting another bundle of joy and have just purchased our very first home. There are good men out there unfortunately we have to pick some bad apples before we find that good one it took me 12 years and THANK GOD I finally found that good man. Ladies keep your heads up and continue to pray it may seem like it will take forever but your day will come and when it does your ex will realize what he lost and will try to come crawling back just like mine did.

P.S One never knows what they have until it’s gone.

I’m a victim too.

Does anyone have any advice for my situation with my sister (read four entries above)? I just really want my sister back....

Read all this stuff and you ladies deserve better. I’m a guy, good looking, honest, faithful, hard working and a good father. Never cheated or even came close, but I married a habitual liar and cheater. She is mid 40s and looks are going downhill fast. She compensates by being more desperate and far reaching. I put my faith in God. She can do whatever she wants- when my last child graduates from high school I’m going to dump her asap. It will hurt my kids but I’m looking forward to finding someone like me who wants some fun, honesty, healthy lifestyle, and a generous spouse who will hold her hand, and walk down the beach just showing her some caring moments and a few smiles along the way. That will be my future. My wife will be alone, trying to steal someone else’s guy- the last guy she was with had a wife dying of cancer while the two of them had their fun. Yes she sleeps just fine at night. She is lazy, selfish and focused on her looks and soap operas most of her day. I can do better. I will. So will you too....ladies out there, I’ll be looking for ya. In the meantime take care, give your worries to God and love yourself more each day. Choose to be happier more each day, week, year. Make your break at the moment you have saved, planned and chosen to begin your life again. I’m hopeful for all of you. Have faith, lots of faith. Trust in the next life. Thank God for your blessings and give him your troubles. Pray.
Love to all,
Nice guy

This is a "ADDICTION". I read all I could on addictions and affairs and how I enabled our relationship. It helped me understand better what I needed to do. I hope this helps.

I cheat on my girlfriend often. I dont even feel bad about it.

I was married very young, stuck it out with a habitual cheater for 15 years.

He is a good looking cheerful outgoing fella that everybody likes. He means no harm and loves everybody. A little too much. He was cheap, didn’t spend much money, he said there was never enough for us to have a much desired child – according to him – but he did manage to get the neighbor pregnant. One of his many affairs. He started seeing her only two months after we got married. I found out about his only child after my divorce.
I was heart broken and devastated but divorced him with the help of wonderful attorney.

We became very close, the attorney and me, he was legally separated himself and understood my pain. We had a wonderful, healing, emotionally deep relationship for several years. We were in love, spend a lot of quality time together and it was the best time of my life. He always told me about his emotionally unstable, violent soon to be ex wife who had his children in her manipulative iron grip. I was not allowed to meet his kids as not to make her even more crazy which she would vent on the children. I even redecorated my home office to turn it into a child"s bedroom in anticipation of his divorce in case they would visit or live with us. He was very busy and traveled a lot but was extremely dedicated to our relationship. So I thought...

In a nutshell, one day I get a call from his sobbing wife, in reality they were not separated and very much together, she had no idea what was going on and was extremely upset. Nothing he told me was true, according to her he acted like a good husband, dedicated parent and pillar of society. He has a long history of cheating but had made promise to her not to do it again. Confronted, he dumped me just like that.

The one good relationship I ever had was all lies. Lies lies lies. I feel like someone pulled the rug out from under my feet – me being overly cautious but he always assured me. Of all people HE KNEW how devastated I was by my cheating ex-husband. He pursued ME, but now blames me of course.
How did I get to be the bad person, the "other woman". Now it is all my fault, I am the home wrecker. I am completely at loss.

It is a painful recovery but it is better wasting my time and love on a selfish incorrigible lair.

Hello, I have been married for 3 years now with 2 beautiful sons. My husband has cheated on me several time before we got married and to this day still cheats on me whenever he gets mad. I left my home country for him and traveled thousands of miles to come live with him in the u.s. he doesn’t seem to care. Not only odes he cheat but but he mentally abuses me "calls me fat, stupid, ugly, lil girl" He never apologized for his mistakes. He never takes me out and he is the coldest individual I have ever met. It seems as if he is possessed by the devil. I need help, I cant get myself to give up on this marriage for the sake of my children and our vows. I wish he could just wake up one day and realize that nobody will ever love him as much as i do. have I thought about killing myself- yes. But every time I look at my son’s I think about what horrible effect that would have on their lives later. I am a good wife and mother. I am praying for each one of us to be strong and overcome every obstacle. It is hard to leave, so I am praying that God can change them......

I’ve read these articles and I must say I too have been cheated on. 9 years in this relationship and one child later, it’s time to move on. These men need wake-up calls, and the only way they’re going to get them is by knowing we love ourselves enough to leave them. You only get what you allow to GIVE! No lesson is ever learned if their is no consequences to pay. Water is never missed, unless the well runs dry.
GOD bless you all!

I was married to my childhood sweetheart for 32 years. Ten years ago I found out he was having an affair. We went through the devastation, the hard work of putting our marriage back together, and the healing. He begged and cried and promised, blah blah blah. Now I found out he’s been having affairs with not one but 3 women, and old friends, who now know I am divorcing him, are coming out of the woodwork to tell me about other affairs. Ladies, THEY DON’T CHANGE. We were the perfect couple. We were the envy of all our friends. We were a complete and total LIE. Get out now, get your friends and family to support you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help in any way that you need it. After a few months, you will see it all get better. Much better. Good luck!

I too have been in your shoes. My soon to be ex promised that he would not do to me as he did his first wife. I thought ok, everyone deserves a second chance. The old saying is true "If they do it once they will do it again".
He cheated several times, I caught him at six years and left. He begged and cried that he would not do it again. I told him I would not come back unless we went to counseling. We went and now six years later I have found that he has been seeing someone again. This time I have left for good. I have recently heard that he is already going out on his little bimbo. He is a sad excuse for a man. I have four brothers and they have all been faithful to their wives. My father has always been true to my mother. There are good men out there. It will just be a cold day in hell before I trust another for myself.

i’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over six years. when we met, he seemed like such a genuine and sweet person. he won all my friends over. my family. he was humble and generous and understanding.

i had never met anyone so committed to improving their lives and leaving the mistakes of the past behind.
i felt for him so much... especially as he had been through a very traumatic upbringing, with a father who was a serial liar and cheater, and had left the family numerous times, emotionally and financially devastated. he always swore he was nothing like him, and that he thought cheating was the worst thing you could do to someone.

about a year into our relationship, he developed a drug addiction. i was floored. the next three years were horrific. i wouldn’t wish what we went through on my worst enemy. he tried everything to get sober...but kept relapsing... and i couldn’t bring myself to leave him, even though we were drowning in his sickness. it was hell. pure hell. finally, a year ago... something clicked. and he got clean. slowly, our lives were rebuilt.

all along, he kept promising me he would get better, and to wait for him, that our dreams of marriage and children were just around the corner. and for the first six months of his sobriety, i was so happy. so grateful. so hopeful. we were making plans for an engagement. and then, it all came crashing down... he admitted to me that he had been unfaithful numerous times during the relationship.... that he had engaged in risky behavior while using drugs... that he didn’t know if he was capable of being faithful... that he was just like his father....I remember that day so clearly. i was so shocked that i ended up comforting him... because he was hysterical. i just couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

we broke up and then tried to work it out again. i didn’t want to give up after all this. i was hoping maybe it was just related to his drug use. but i’ve been seeing the last months, that it’s not. i know i am being lied to. i can feel it in my bones. i don’t even think it’s a matter of being a good person or a bad person... it’s that i don’t believe anymore that he is capable of honesty, and it seems fidelity... for any sustained amount of time. whether its in his genes, or whether it was learned behavior in his home, whether he feels bad about it or wants to change or not... it’s all kind of irrelevant. i am faithful. and he is not. and i can’t live a lifetime of betrayal.

looking for a new place to live as it stands now. utterly heartbroken. in my mid thirties and afraid i will miss the chance to have children... because i waited on this man, gambled on him and lost. still love him the best parts of him and am unable to reconcile the person i know or thought i knew, and the other person who lives inside him.

anyway, love and strength to you all.

I have been married for 4 years. We have two small children. My husband (so he says) has never actually cheated on me. I have found the numbers on the cell phone and he admits to talking to them but says he has never actually cheated. Last year, I caught him talking to an ex-girlfriend of his that he hasn’t talked to in a long time. They both said they just talked on the phone. That was when I was pregnant with our youngest baby. Less than 2 months ago, I caught him talking to a perfect stranger. He only talked to her a few times but it is the fact of the matter. I was a stay home mom and I have just returned to work. I figured if the time came that I did want to leave, I would need my own income. It’s not fair to my boys though. I don’t want to disrupt their lives because my husband is stupid and can’t be trusted. I don’t think he has actually cheated but I don’t know that for sure. I don’t know what to do!!!!!

Well I am going through the same thing but I am only 18 and my husband is 21. He found a woman at work also and he told me that he would never cheat on me. He now has gone to jail twice and has went both times because of him hitting and chocking me and well we have a 11 month old and he looks just like his daddy and he met her at work and he saw her for like a month and then he started hitting me. That woman is giving him drugs and well he has never hit me before and he is a really sweet man and the bad thing is, is that his is now living with her in a mobile home and he wouldn’t ever want to live alone with me and now I am living with his mother and father because my whole entire family has disowned me because I still love him and want him back and I want my family back and so I am kidda stuck because I have no education and now I am in school I have never had a job and I’ve always been dependent on him and my parents are divorced and I never thought that I would ever go through what I am and I do not want to put my son through what my parents have put me through with the horrible divorce that they went through and I don’t know what to do because it has been 3 months that they have been living together and I don’t know what to do and the only reason that she wants him is because she lost her job and my husband has one and all she is doing is using him and I can’t tell him because he will not listen to anything anyone says because of her and well I need help myself!!! if you could tell me what to do I need help I still want my husband back!

I am desperate for advice. Please don’t judge me badly. I have a 10 year old from a previous marriage. We divorced after I walked in on him having sex with my twin sister. I tried to make it work for about a year after catching them, but found out they kept seeing each other behind my back. I just couldn’t continue hurting so I divorced him. After 10 years I am having trust issues and don’t believe any man will ever be faithful to me because of what I’ve been through so I go out with married men. I know there will never be commitment so I don’t have any expectations and can’t be cheated on. After what my twin sister and ex have done I’m afraid I’m scarred for life. I’m lonely and very depressed. No one would ever suspect it because I take great care of myself. I would love to go to counseling, but it’s so costly. Please help me.

PS Desperate,

Read up on the internet about people in your shoes. Join forums, this will help to see where you are, weigh the pros and cons, and also about people who have survived.

Spring,

If your marriage is so bad you thought of killing yourself – whats the next best thing you can have other than a dead you?

Move on – get a job, you can raise these kids without this abuse, this may also be what he needs to realize that he needs to change – a move.

someone said:
These men need wake-up calls, and the only way they’re going to get them is by knowing we love ourselves enough to leave them. You only get what you allow to GIVE! No lesson is ever learned if their is no consequences to pay. Water is never missed, unless the well runs dry.
GOD bless you all!

and that is great stuff.

Dear Seeker,

There is light at the end of the tunnel trust me. You are not a home wrecker, you had no knowledge.

I always say, cause i see women beating each other up over a man, i always say the man is the problem.

Hurting two women and playing them against each other like that. better to loose him and start again.

My dear, find your inner healing and strength. God is out there, you will get your break.

Hugs and Love to you girl.

Dale P,
You cheat and don’t even feel bad, is in no conscience or angst about it? Nada?

You don’t love her, and you either silently want out of the relationship, so it is actually her job to break up with you and not yours or your just crap.

Karen UK,

Yes, love yourself honey. In a mass of continuous abuse, there is usually a straw that breaks the camel’s back – find it, and that will help you decide to move on or work at it if its worth it.

MY HUSBAND HAS NOT TOUCHED ME IN TWO YEARS!! He says he is not attracted to me...he says I’m fat 5 feet 6 inches and weigh 180. I am extremely pretty he says I have the potential for HAVING IT ALL and I just don’t take advantage of it...men and women out there HELP ME PLEASE.

I’ve let my husband completely destroy me. He must not know how bad it hurts, or surely he would not do this. He is deployed right now and when I googled his user name (not right, I know) I found his profile on a nasty singles sex site. He’s been doing nasty video chats with people. He looked at porn before and it is prohibited where he is now. I guess he is a real addict. I haven’t told him that I know yet and have even gone so far as to contact him through this site, and he replied. Its horrifying and I feel like I must be the ugliest most unattractive woman on earth for this to happen. Another part of me says that he has a problem and if I can be caring enough to accept him and identify with him, we can get through this. It infuriates me, though, that while I’m running the house and raising our son by myself, he thinks its okay to be doing this. I know if the tables were turned, he would have the fit of the century. I am amazed with my steadfastness but am experiencing very sick symptoms and extreme anxiety from holding all this in. I wish I had never met him. How will I ever ensure my son won’t treat a woman like this if I don’t leave? I love him so much but apparently its not mutual. He’s literally destroyed me as a person as I can’t seem to trust anyone for anything ever again. Bastard.

There is no guarantee in life or love. We try to pick the best man we can find and give all we have to create a family, a life worthy for our children. Most men will always try to get some excitement on the side, some don’t. What should we do? There are only two options: leave or stay. For the lucky ones that can leave; a job, a supportive family will help. Strong back bone will also give you strength, but you will need strong characters too. To stay? You must find a way to better your marriage or yourself. You might want to stay bcs of your children, they’ll grow no matter what, but don’t stop improving yourself: school, job training so you can get out when the time is finally right. Don’t put up with violence.
Your mate is weak/unfaithful/damaged, if you stay with him, what does that say about you? You must believe you can change yourself and that your future is yours to control. Hurt for a bit (it’s normal to be disappointed), dust yourself off, stand tall, tell yourself he doesn’t deserve you and be the woman he will always feel bad that he screw-up by. Let him do the regretting. You go and be the best you can be. Don’t give up. You are important to lots of people.

Wow! Hi girls. I found out 4 days before thanksgiving! The whole family coming and everything, Now with Christmas around the corner, I am a crumpled mess. Mine turns out is a meth addict, and sex addict! At least 1 crack whore a month according to his confessions. I still love him. always will. I will always pray for his well being, but I can’t sacrifice my children or myself for him. I cry every day. I miss his smell...his feel...everything in spite of it all. And... he is crying too. Begging me to forgive him. He is sick and needs help. I can love him and feel for him, but will not be with him. Alanon meetings help a lot! try it. Also... for those of you who are still grieving, like me... there is a website. google 7 stages of grief and you will find it.Grieving is about loss. It doesn’t need to be death. Read "loving Robert" It is my entry. And no matter what others will say.. Remember.. We are not weak! We are not losers for our commitment and sorrow. God made us loving woman. There aren’t many of us left out there. However... God never created us to be abused and hurt and riddled with disease. Be strong, and leave. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you AND your spouse. Remember a famous quote ( can’t remember the author) but this is a motto for my own life.... You will not go until the pain of where you are is greater than your fear of going. Good luck and god bless all of you.

Hi everyone. I have read everyone’s posts and I can’t tell you how much it helps to know I am not alone. I am just so very sorry for the pain we have all suffered. I try every day to use the pain to get to know myself and to grow as a person. Work in progress....

I was in a 16 year relationship with someone who I truly believed was my sole mate/best friend/family man/hard working etc. I now know it was an illusion. This man cheated on me with prostitutes/internet pick ups etc for every one of our 16years together (I now know he had been using prostitutes since being a teenager). I first found out when I was pregnant with our third child about his behavior, he begged and pleaded for a second chance. Not realizing the full extent of his cheating at that point and for the sake of the children, I agreed to stay. I wasted a further five years of my life (naively believing he would never cheat on me again) before I found out that he never stopped. Finally, I came to my senses and asked him to leave. I believe he is a sex addict and has an obsessive compulsive disorder. He is incapable of love, he only knows attachment. He has never truly let go, but I have. Ending the relationship was hard, letting go of what I thought I had. But I do not have one single regret. I never had what I believed I had.

I moved myself and my children to a new neighborhood and began my process of healing.

A few months later, my neighbor and I began a physical relationship. I got emotionally involved. Clearly this man didn’t. I found out a year and a half later that he was sleeping around, that every single word that had come out of his mouth was a lie. He lied for the sake of lying. He got a kick from it. It took seeing him take another female neighbor into his house late one night and having to listen to his bed springs (his bedroom is the other side of my bedroom wall) to realist. I called him on his mobile phone as he took her upstairs and he turned it off! Nice guy. The memory of that night will haunt me for a long time to come, the pain was so bad it was physical. I rang him the following morning, he answered his phone and acted like nothing had occurred, like I was mad. Needless to say, he is history, I rapidly recognized him as the sociopath he is and genuinely pity others who will encounter him in life. He was very convincing. He is no loss, but the pain of allowing myself to be deceived for a further 1.5 years after 16years of being deceived by my former partner is something I am having difficulty coming to terms with. I am being eaten alive with anger not only against him, but mostly against myself for allowing him to deceive me. I am reminded every day of his deceit and its impact upon me, as he is my neighbor. I resent the head space he occupies as he is not worthy of my time and energy. I have a lot of work to do on myself to make sure I never allow a sociopath into my life again. He has no hope of recovery. I am sad that I can never ever trust again.

Strength and peace to you all.

hey, i am 61 and one half years and have been married to my second husband for 20yrs. a cheating husband is a hard enough thing to deal with when you have a decent amount of your youth left but when you get further on in years its much more difficult. i have been betrayed by my husband for many years. he lies and cheats and does all those typical cheating flags like turns off his cell phone as soon as he gets in the house and then turns it on when he goes back out. he then talks outside. his son and him share the bill so the bill goes to the son’s house. i have found viagra four separate times in different places and twice with a supply of condoms. I have never felt the affects of the viagra experience, even though i have asked many times for a practice season with the medicine. i have told the people most closest to me and they say well maybe those things belong to a friend!! they support his behavior!!a gal knows.just wish he would admit this lifestyle but,he NEVER will. he loves the respect that integrity brings so; knows that admitting to his would create a dishonorable man. sick. thanks for all of your help.

Women, I feel each and everyone’s pain. I, too, am married to a serial cheater for 30 yrs. Cheated before we got married, after we marry when he went to Germany (he was in the military) – excuse, he thought I was messing with someone else. He started cheating three weeks after arriving in Germany. Came home and was calm for a little while. The biggest hurt was he was cheating with our next door neighbor, who I thought was a friend of mine. Bought her big ticket items like a water softner for the house, tires for her car, etc. He cheated every weekend with her because I was in a military unit where I was gone most weekends. Then he got bold and it was during the week. She got bold and constantly call the house. I pack all his stuff into the pick up truck, including the mattress he and her had sex on and told him to leave. he left for about a week wandering from piller to post (she wouldn’t let him stay with her because I cut off all his credit) Supposedly we worked it out. That was a laugh. Three years later, it was his ex-wife he divorced 26 years ago. We had been married for 25 years then. Now it is someone he claims is only a friend. A friend who calls at 6:45 in the morning on his cell, or during the evening and he leaves the room, or he goes to work on a Sunday to talk to her, etc, etc. We are now married thirty years and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am too old for this crap and amazingly not in love with him anymore. I am getting our finances together, saving a little each month, and this new year will leave him. He thinks everything is the same, meaning it is my fault he cheats – my sexual attitude, my not being his friend, my not trusting him. This has become a joke, only I am not laughing. His best buddies help him to cheat, by offering advice on how to cover his tracks. It is amazing how much digital recorders can record and hold. I am collecting as much as I can because I need all the ammo possible for a divorce. It is community property in this state and I intend to hit him hard and heavy--in his wallet. Wish me luck and all you ladies take care. Chin up, our new life has to be an improvement over a cheating husband, especially a serial cheater. It is better to live alone and in peace than with a serial cheater and always in turmoil.

Have a question for all you WOMEN out there. I’m in a relationship with a woman who has a history of cheating in her past with more than one BF (the last four in a row at least). After some problems in our relationship, she ended up cheating on me as well, and I took her back. Going through this thread, it looks like the general consensus is that men typically will not change the vast majority of the time if they have this kind of history. What about women. Am I getting my hopes up in thinking she can change as well? Do women fall in the same boat? Please help – i really do love this woman, but if it’s likely I’m setting myself up, I couldn’t live like that...

I think it depends. I cheated on my previous boyfriend and promised to never do it again. Now, I am married to a wonderful man who I would never even think of cheating on.

But if you have worries about it then I wouldn’t stick around because it will just eat you alive.

I just found out that my husband of 35 years has been having an affair with a girl in costa rica (he has an office there) for 8 years. I am 58 getting divorced lonely depressed and heartbroken.

Wake up honey. He wouldn’t cheat on you if he loved you and respected you. Don’t believe that he is emotionally attached to you either. Some people never form emotional attachments. He may have married only because he wanted someone to be home for him to raise his children, cook for him and do the housework. Some people believe that everyone is basically good or they can be changed with love and faith in God. It’s not true. He is bad to you, dump him. You are not doing your children any favors. Kids know when their parents cheat. Your kids are already scarred by it and staying together for the kids only models a bad relationship for them and they will grow to resent you and your husband for ruining their relationships and having trust issues.

scorpio47: Yes, women are the same. She has cheated on everyone she has been with? She is not sorry and she will cheat on you again. You can’t truly love someone who doesn’t love and respect you.

I’m not happy this has happened to anyone else, but I was feeling very alone in my predicament. The woman who posted the comments about contributing to your own misery was right on. I ignored my intuition and ignored all the signs for 1 1/2 years. He was married, he lied about his family, himself and his job. He gave me an STD and obviously had no issue with spreading it around. I spoke to a previous girlfriend. He was trying to get back together with her while he was with me...and married at the same time! Signs point to him cheating on the previous girlfriend and on me as well. He was very charming, made me feel like I was the only one in the world for him, and told me everything I wanted to hear. He said he wanted a life with me. I loved him so much. I feel like I’ve been emotionally raped. However, I adjusted my behavior and personality to be with him and, again, ignored my intuition. So I have to take some responsibility for this. I have been in contact with his wife. I not only feel bad for myself but for her also. Sometimes I feel it’s a nightmare and I’m going to wake up. Well, I’m awake and I know what I need to do now. Men like this who constantly lie and cheat and manipulate are sociopaths (look it up) and maybe they can change if they get professional help and actually want to change, but they probably won’t. My new rules: take care of myself, be myself, listen to my intuition, and if it looks like I might be dating someone for awhile he gets a background check (if he doesn’t like it he can hit the road). Aside from my children, I am my most precious asset and this will NEVER happen to me again. These men prey on vulnerable women and I will no longer be listed in that category! Take good care of yourselves ladies!

All of these sites deal with the person who was cheated on. I would be interested to know if anyone has seen any sites that help the unwitting "other woman" recover.

I have been married for 2 years, my husband cheated on me through all of them, he was so addicted to the internet and met them off myspace, never realized how many easy women you can find LOL, well bottom line i have been deceived my whole marriage, it was never truthful. We have a 1 yr old son and i dont want to make it look its OK to treat women this way. I am only 24 years old and the 2 years have made my feelings and body feel 70. My body hurts from the up and down weight, the headaches, the crying, the lack of sleep, and all over a man? Nah not anymore, these stories are helping me a lot knowing I’m not alone, thanks ladies!

I am 52 years old and married to a man 11 years older than me. This is my second marriage and when I met him I thought he was my night in shinning armor. There was nothing I could even think of that he wouldn’t do or buy me. I sold my home and we brought one together after our 5th year of marriage. At the time he had 1 more year before retiring. After his retirement, seemed like thing changed like day and night. He started telling me about he friend who he said was in a nursing home and his wife wouldn’t go see him so he was trying to be there for him. He talked of this friend quite a bit but then he started staying out all night and one morning I got up to go to work and his phone rang and I heard her message. I will never forget. She said: I just wanted to make sure you got home safely baby. I love you... I had already asked if he was having an affair which as you all know he denied. Anyway as time went by I started investigating and found out everything. He was planning on leaving me for this woman. I went through the worst time of my life. I lost 15 pounds within a month, my hair fail out, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep and even when I think about it now, how someone I put all of my trust and love in would treat me this way. He would talk to me like I was dog and I took it. I started participating in my church and not just going from time to time. You just don’t know how God has brought me through. I didn’t look for a man to bring me through, I sought God. My husband and I have not had sex for over 5 years, nor have we slept together for 4 1/2 years. We don’t have any friends together nor do we do ANYTHING together unless it pertains to the house. I bet you are wondering why is she putting up with this? Because God wouldn’t let me leave. I tell you all of this because anyone who is reading this, I tell you to get to know the person you’re about to marry, get to know the family, don’t just jump into something that you can’t handle. Let God chose your mate. Look at that person’s personality and not what is on the outside. I have been going through this since 2003 and God has given me measurable strength. My feelings are not the same for him as they use to be. I could care less if he comes home or not now. I also feel ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

i have suspicion that my husband is being unfaithful the clearing of his call list and messages as soon as he comes home everyday on his mobile. Paswording his computer and being on it quite a lot when I am asleep and if I do walk in the computer room he shrinks the screen down. I am saying when your gut feeling comes into action you know its right and men dont realize how much they hurt you by their actions and when you confront them they put the blame back onto you and say its your fault they want the old you back but we all change as we get older we dont stay young. Were has respect and honesty gone from relationships? If they get away with it once they will always continue to do it CHEATING IS SO WRONG get the strength and courage and walk the other way you have the right to a better life.

I married late in life for the 1st time at 46. I was my husband’s 3rd wife. He told me his 1st 2 wives cheated on him, and that he would never cheat on me because he knew how much it hurt. We also were both christians, @ least I thought he was, and I knew God brought us together. But God also gives us choices. Last May 2008,after not quite 4 years of marriage, I caught him lying saying he was talking to a man friend on his cell phone and could tell it was a woman’s voice. The next day, I checked his phone bill and called the frequently called number. She answered and we split. We tried to reconcile, and in October 2008 he moved back home. In Febuary 2009, he constantly stayed in the garage text messaging. I HATE CELL PHONES. But he would have found another way. He claimed he was texting his step-sister. Yeah, Right. I didn’t want to
believe he would do this to me again. I couldn’t wait for him to go to bed so I could read his messages. That gut instinct i call the voice of God. Sure enough, calling another tramp hey baby. My stomach sank. I also found drug talk. My soon to be ex is a liar and cheat.
He has so much to ask God to forgive him for. I have to forgive him, because I am a christian. I have prayed and asked God to guide me. I know once the trust is gone, there is no getting it back. I have to move on. Only God can heal my broken heart. I take it one day at a time. On top of this, he knew I was bipolar when he married me. Ladies, you don’t have to live with a liar and a cheat. I know God hates divorce, but he hates adultery even more. This time my husband hasn’t even said he was sorry. I know, one day far off, he will wish he hadn’t let a good christian woman go. But I know God will take care of us all going thru this hurt.
God bless

In the Webster’s New Dictionary, the definition for cheat is: TO DEPRIVE OF SOMETHING THROUGH FRAUD OR DECEIT. To deprive, in its simplest meaning, is TO TAKE SOMETHING AWAY. Cheaters take chunks of our hearts and souls that can never be replaced. We become like a wounded animal, which managed to avoid being consumed by the predator, but will always carry the scars of the attack.

A cheater attacks our trusting nature through repeated lies, in the same way a vicious beast claws and rips at the hide of an innocent victim.

Our best defense against future attacks is a stong offense. We can’t afford to naively trust the cheater to reform. To reform oneself and conform to an accepted standard of decency is beyond the cheater’s ability. Would you expect a raging bull to suddenly stop and wag its tail? Of course not! The cheater is worse than a bull...the cheater is a bully! He is a true coward and can’t compete with "real" men, so he has to sleaze about in the world of pretenders.

If you are a woman who recognizes the filth and degradation of cheating...you dishonor yourself and your children by staying in the same house with the cheating bastard!!

GET OUT NOW!! Salvage whatever life and love you have left in yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Well this is an easy subject once a cheater always a cheater and same goes for abusers once an abuser always an abuser. I also think that taller men 6’0 + cheat way more and be more abusive because they think they can get away with it. The tall men know that women like them being taller and so they know that they can get away with more and thus they will cheat, lie and be more abusive simply because women think the tall asshole men are the big, tall, secure protective men. But in actuality that so many women don’t ever ask themselves is who is going to protect me from him. Bigger, stronger, taller does not = safety, or protection.

Well, we were doing good until a desperate one called and my husband fell for her kind word. Spoken to her, she is so soft spoken, says she is "conservative" -- I started to believe too. Well, see my husband is a guy and guys are as dumb as they come. He used onstar from our car to call her – phone bill close to 1,000. – He called her up to 10 times a day and says he was listening to her. She was abused by her husband. He was floored because I did alot of digging and he was caught in lies after lies. He lies so much his eyes twitch. I got a hold of his credit card statements and boy, was I shocked. He planned to leave work one day and go see her. He then changed to a different time the same day and before they could meet, her husband found out. He raped her. She did not deserve, my husband was so broken up about it. He was ill. I watched him tell me bits and pieces and I put it all together. To top it off, he did this while giving a eulogy for my dad. I wished my dad had gotten up and choked him. I think of dad’s death as sacred and a place no one can touch, but my husband is the reason I cry uncontrollably when I think of my dad. I would never forgive him – see I picture myself with a younger decent guy who will love me for me and cherish me. I do have a lot to give but I am not wasting it on my low life husband. I am giving it all to my children. They are my happiness. My lost weight because of this, something I was trying to do for months. Thank you husband. By the way we are a church going family. So nice – you should see us. But behind the glitz, the evil is so strong you can feel it pass you by. I would never sleep with my husband again. I would not care what my home looks like before he gets home, but I do it all for my kids. I will get respect from others, I do not need his. I am more disappointed in myself for thinking I deserve this. I can’t wait to move on with my life. My kids will understand, because they are like me – they hurt easily. Lies destroy. When the destruction comes from a man you trust, it’s like being hit by a train. I would never trust him again. I would rather be happy than with a cheater and whimp.

Ladies, if anyone has been through the ringer it’s me. I have been married for 10 long years. Right now as I type, it’s 4:30 a.m. and my husband isn’t home. Yeah I called but he doesn’t answer. I don’t expect him to. I told him today of an affair that i had with a guy that my husband also knows. My husband wanted me to move out today but I found an apartment that I can move into on the first of the month. I told my husband that it would be ok if he just didn’t show up until the kids and I leave, but no he worked until 2 a.m. and came home, showered and is gone. I don’t want to be with him. I guess he wants this move as much as I do. He was very hurt about the affair I had but who cares, he hasn’t been a husband to me in over 3 years, mainly because of his new mistress. Ladies, I think like men. I’ve just had a glass of chardonnay. I feel tipsy at 4:30. I’m moving out in a couple of days, and I’m going to be the real me!!

We’ve been together for 14 years now, 11 of them married. I’m American living in a foreign country, with no close family next door. I found this site yesterday and am so relieved to no longer feel alone. We wanted a baby 2 years into our relationship, as we were fine and in love and getting toward 40yrs. My nightmare started when I was into my 6 months and was hospitalized for 3 days. He lied about where and with who he was with. I am an honest and trusting person, he has his sports team and in very good shape.... I really never saw this coming, and didn’t expect infidelity. He was with me for the birth of our beautiful daughter, for one hour.... I didn’t see him alone then for the next 4 days as he was celebrating (while I was thoroughly alone with my newborn). I forgave and still didn’t suspect. We married – I make double his salary but in this country after marriage all goes into the community. (little did I know the house doesn’t as it belonged to him before the wedding). Since I’ve been here we have renovated and added on, doing all the quality work ourselves after working long hours and taking care of the family. The house value has gone up 8X and is a showcase for the community. Soon after the work on the house started he would be coming home late from rugby practice and games. I then found 10 telephone numbers that fell out of his pocket and into the folds of the couch while cleaning. When asked about these numbers (each one belonging to the feminine sex) he did what all your loving, low, lying, cheating husbands did, he said they were old friends. I ripped them up and trashed them, only to find the pieces hidden in our camping car. Had I read this site, I would have gone running – but stayed, same with most of us I loved him and we have a child. I forgave and forgot until we were invited to a birthday party, 3 yrs later where he had too much to drink, picked up a woman in front of his child, myself and our good friends – I asked him to stop and come home, when he grabbed my by the arm and told me in a few words that I was a pain in the a**. I took the car and daughter and drove home, didn’t sleep and when he arrived at 5 am and asked how he got home, of course he lied and said ‘with alan’. Now having had it, I called alan at midday, he said that he and his wife tried to unsuccessfully keep them apart but he left the party with her. They gave me much support, bless them, but as with the rest of us I was completely destroyed. He cried and begged me to stay- I haven’t got much choice, all of the loans for his house are co-signed by this sucker who is now writing our her lovely life story. He said of course that this would never happen again boo hoo hoo and he of course promised to be faithful. I have closed my eyes for the last 7 yrs. In february this year my intuition started flaring up – and lo and behold he was calling (on the home line)and sleeping with the town wh**e as soon as I was out of the house, whether I was working or asleep so he could sneak over to her place (5 min walk)AND also shagging our daughter’s best friend’s married mom (house next door)!!! When confronted he of course lied (even when he was supposed to be working the nightshift and when I would call his work cellphone he was in bed with our town wh**re. I did call his boss prior this and find out that he hadn’t been working that shift in ages. He again cried and begged me not to leave, he would NEVER do this to me again – I suffered high blood pressure and was given anti depressors and my doctor put me on sick leave (as well as blood tests). As now he couldn’t use the landline – he got a cellphone, which I of course found and confronted him with – lies again. He destroyed the phone with all his good faith and again made false promises. Well he was finished with the town wh**re but not with the next door neighbor – so he bought another phone.
Happy to let you all know that divorce proceeding are on the way – he has promised to give me half of the sale of the house (i’ll keep you posted, as promises are made to be broken, n’est pas) oh, and he REALLY loves me again, his married mistress has left him 4 days ago for a younger man !!!
I feeling better now that I’ve got the story out and finally made a huge tough decision but will keep to it.
Hang in there girls and if possible don’t waste too many precious years of your life, like me, loving someone that treats you like a door mat.

I met my BF 10 years ago. We had a wonderful relationship. He was kind, loving, thoughtful, considerate, very sweet. At first I had my doubts but I couldn’t resist his kindness. I dated him, got to know him and I knew he was the one. I had moved to Chicago a week prior to meeting him and the only problem was that I hated living there (after two years). We discussed it and agreed that I should move back home to Indiana because I was unhappy and somehow we would work things out so that we would still see one another. Well, we commuted back and forth weekends for about three months, then it was every other weekend, then once a month and finally I hadn’t seen him in three months. When I asked him what was going on he swore it was nothing, he was busy working and couldn’t get away but I also noticed a different tone in his voice, to be honest he seemed different. I just thought it was due to my leaving him and moving to another state. Well, I loved him and I wanted to be with him, so I told him I was moving back to Chicago (after a year and a half). I quit my job packed my belongings and made arrangements for my furniture to go into storage. On New Year’s Eve he came to see me and his cell phone rang (he was in another room) I could hear him speaking and I knew it was a woman on the other end. When he hung up I asked what was going on? He said it was nothing and I had nothing to worry about. I believed him because there had never been any signs or problems with other women. Two weeks later I moved back to Chicago. I had been back two weeks and for those two weeks we argued a lot, I felt as though I was an annoyance but whenever I asked him if there was someone else he would say no. One night I was asleep and a voice told me to go by his house it was 3am so I ignored it but it was overwhelming, I though something may have happened to him so I got dressed and drove there. His car was there but he wouldn’t come to the door I thought maybe I should call the police because he has asthma and I was concerned he may have had an attack. I sat in the car wondering what to do and the voice told me to wait and as I waited not understanding what was going on. I decided to knock again and a woman came out of the apartment building. As she walked past me I grabbed for the door and he was standing on the stairs as though running after her. At first I looked at him, and it clicked she was inside with him. I ran after her as she walked down the street. I called out and she stopped, I asked if she had been with him, she claimed not to have known him and was visiting another tenent then asked it he was my boyfriend. I asked her why? if she didn’t know him and walked back to his apartment. Things were said I went in his bathroom and her hair was in the sink, I went in the bedroom and he had pulled the comforter over the bed, I snatched it back and the sheets were tussled and I thought at that point I would lose my mind. I didn’t leave him, I stayed thinking it was my fault because I moved away. I should have left and never looked back!!! It was hard, the image of her, her hair, the sheets, him on the stairs is still chiseled in my mind. I never would have imagined he was capable of such a thing but what hurt most was he knew he was seeing her before I moved back to Chicago, before I quit my job, before I packed my belongings and he never said a word. Well, as the weeks went on it got worse, I guess she stop seeing him and I had to watch him try to get over losing her, now imagine that!! He was quiet, he wouldn’t touch me, we didn’t do anything together and believe it or not I am embarrassed to say but I did everything I could to help ease HIS pain LOL in the process I lost 30 lbs, cried everyday and though that was four years ago, I guess maybe a year ago I finally stopped crying. Oh, and there is more wanna hear????

Well, ladies unlike most of you I am not married but like most of you I am old enough to know better. I met my BF (we have no children, together) when i was 42 years old. I just had my 52nd B-day. I wasn’t looking for love, companionship, or anything. I had been celibate for eight years. I had no BF, no relationships, I chose to be alone and I loved every moment. No worries, no cares, just loving me and it was the greatest love of all!!
Well, I had moved to Chicago to go back to school. I found a full time job and went to school part-time. He was a wonderful man with three children (all different mothers) which should have sent up flares!! I wasn’t too keen on dating a man with that type of baggage but he was sweet, kind, loving, and of course, charming. Well, I became involved with him and the first two years was wonderful, everything I could have hoped for until I got sick of living in the city and I wanted out. We decided I would move back to my hometown in quiet suburban Indiana and continue our relationship by commuting. It was good, we would see each other on weekends or just take time from work, any time we could get. Well, of course the weekly visits turned to monthly and bi-monthly and when I would visit him he didn’t seem as excited to see me as before. So, as time went on I would call him on his cell (no answer), so I would call his job and they would say he didn’t go to work. When I would try to speak to him about it he would get very indignant. "I’m not married to you" was his favorite phrase. Well, I loved him and I missed him and I thought ‘I’d rather live in his world, than live with out him in mine’. I told him I was moving back to Chicago. He didn’t say much only that it was my choice. Well, a couple months later I put in my resignation at my job, packed my belongings and made storage preparations for my furniture. When New Years Eve came he came to visit. When he went into my bedroom his cell phone rang. I was in another room but I could tell by the conversation it was a woman. when he hung up I asked him what it was about. He said it was nothing for me to be concerned with. I accepted that but it bothered me a lot. I asked it he was seeing someone else and if so he needed to tell me before I made the move to return to the City. He said it was nothing to tell. So, on that lie I moved back. Not two weeks into my return, I spoke with him one evening on the phone he told me he was out with a buddy, and would call me later. Fine, only he didn’t at 3am I was awaken by a voice that told me to get dress and go to his house. No, I wasn’t leaving my bed and roaming the street that time of the morning. I tried to fall back to sleep but the voice seemed louder, and louder. So, I obeyed. Of course I tried calling him before I got there but he wouldn’t answer. I never thought in my wildest of imagination I would find him with another woman but I did. They wouldn’t let me inside the apartment building though I knocked and then returned to my car, I really thought he might be inside hurt. I guess when she thought I had left she came out of the building and I held the door to enter, still not thinking anything until I saw him standing in the hall on the stairs and that’s when it clicked! They were together. I went inside, hurt. Amazingly, he had this quick smirk on his face, and said "It has nothing to do with you". I blamed myself for leaving and moving back to Indiana for that year. I blamed myself for not looking better for getting laxed in my appearance. I blamed myself for not losing weight, though after that, I lost at least 30lbs in two months. I thought I would have a break down. I cried every day for months that was four years ago. I stayed with him thinking we could work it out because it had to have been the first time (right). I watched him mourn over what he had with her. He was outright nasty with me for showing up and revealing myself to her. He wouldn’t touch me, talk to me and seeing him go through this over someone else was even more devastating for me. Eventually, he seemed alright, well why wouldn’t he have been he had someone to help him get through losing the other woman but guess what it wasn’t me, it was Another Woman. The plot thickens!!!!

I just wanted to add that I to have been a victim of an abusive cheating husband. Ladies it does not get better and if you continue to stay then really you have no one to blame than ourselves. I was married for 4 years and throughout this relationship my x would constantly cheat with no regards to how I felt. I ended up leaving and going back, back and fourth. Why do we continue to stay? Because we love this person and we want to believe that they wont stray or hurt us when they tell us there sorry, they love us, but the truth is they dont. My x would chase women and wouldnt hesitate to sleep with them. No 4 years later and 2 beautiful boys, he is gone and although I love him I could never trust him and have him back. Women men will do whatever you let them if you continue to stay and accept his cheating ways he will cheat. Have respect for yourself and know that you are better and deserve so much more

I am an older woman and I can tell you exactly what you need to do without a question. First for your own sanity, get out of this relationship. Apparently not only does your husband cheat, but lies to you as well. How can you live with someone you can’t trust? A relationship is built on trust between two people and besides you both have made promises to one another with your vows. Your husband has broken those vows and if he hasn’t changed by now, trust me he isn’t going to change. Do your children and yourself a favor and leave. Better than you leaving, make him leave. After all, he is the one who has done the damage so you need to stay and kick him to the curve.

For some reason its always the same way with these men. Everything starts out great in the beginning and dies out later. Women need to realize that when a man courts her for the first few years or so you’re still new to him. But after living together, kids financial problems and so on these men see us in a what I call "ugly state". So when the next best thing comes around he’s wide open. I believe a woman should never date a married man because most of the time these men do love their wives. That’s the reason they are married in the first place. So forget the "I don’t love her anymore, I love you" BS and realize that if he’s this way with his wife he won’t be any better with you. I truly believe that any woman OR man that messes around with a married person deserves whatever comes to them.I am sick and tired of so many people making it seem as if its okay for a man to cheat because its in his so-called "nature". There are plenty of women out there that know that their husbands cheat and take them back over and over. I do believe that people make mistakes but when he does the same shit over and over its time for you to evaluate yourself and realize that you deserve much better. Women, don’t make these men your lives. Sometimes we can give so much and when he’s gone we have nothing left. Then have to start out from square one pulling ourselves up when we have been damaged and left alone.

i have been married for 32 years. I found my husband courting and visiting women several times. In his workplace he attempted to embrace a woman in his job in a private place, he went to church after which he invited a woman in the church to eat out and urged to go to her house. The latest i caught him in international chat online and having affair with one woman in the Philippines and courting three others. this is a misery to me, thinking that we are married for long period of time. Do i need to bear with i am in too much pain please help!!!!

Ladies, do you realize that your father most likely cheated on your mother? And your grandfathers cheated on your grandmothers? Men, married or not have had multiple sexual partners going back generations for thousands of years. Is this fair to us women who wish for a monogamous relationship with one man we love? Of course not. And do we feel entitled to possess a man who promised to love us forever? And only us? Yes! And do we deserve to have his commitment, love, adoration and never ending passion and attention, till death do us part? Yes!! We give 100% and we expect 100% back, every day, every month and every year – forever. BUT the sad truth is that life is not fair. And we women were programmed to be the givers and to make the people we love the center of our life. Men were programmed otherwise. Although men can form bonds and attach themselves to one woman, they will NEVER give up sex with other women. Please google the Coolidge Effect. Men will lose sexual interest in a female they have mated with many times. Sometimes to a point where they become impotent with her. No matter what. But when a new female is introduced their sexual vitality is back...until she too will fall a victim to the Coolidge Effect. Leave your guy, meet another one and you are facing the same dilemma. There is no prince charming out there. Face it! We women unfortunately feel entitled to possess a man sexually. If you feel entitled in this area, dream on sister, but you can’t fight nature. Nature has programmed men to want and to seek sex with a variety of women. As much as we women hate this fact, there is nothing that we can do about it. Most men cheat and most men want and desire other women. And if a guy is good-looking and has that charisma forget it! He attracts women like bees to honey. In the ideal world, we fall in love and stay in love. The man never ever desires another woman, and the passion is hot every day for the next fifty years. But the reality is that the best you can have is to be the number one woman in a man’s life.

....not the only woman, but the number one woman. That means that you two are best friends, there is a true affection and love between you two, and he comes home to you every night. You are soul mates. And although at one time in your early relationship he felt hot passion for you and you were the only woman he wanted to have sex with, you now accept the fact that through no fault of his own, he now cannot feel that passion any longer and is unable to generate it, if his life depended on it. Hold a gun to his head and order him to feel passion and lust for you, and he simply will not, cannot. Time robs us of everything. Youth, beauty, passion, life itself. But true love can last a lifetime. As long as you do not associate it with sex. As a man can love his children for the rest of his days, he can love you forever, he just can’t feel lust for you forever. And lust is a huge part of every man. His high testosterone levels drive him to want and get sex. His hormones dictate his brain. And hormones will win over society imposed rules and moral values. Just accept it. If a man lies to you about him having other sexual partners, it means that he wants to keep you. He loves you and desires you to be the number one woman in his life. HE has just moved on sexually. I know it hurts. It hurts like hell, especially if you still desire him sexually yourself. Especially if he doesn’t make love to you as often as he used to. Especially if you suspect that he is having sex with other women. Step back and take a deep breath. Evaluate the relationship minus the sex. Pretend that there is no such thing as sex on this planet. Would you still want to be with him if sex didn’t exist? Would you? Is he otherwise a kind and supportive man? Does he take a good care of the family? Do you have good times together? Take vacations? Does he take you out to dinner? Holds your hand and tells you he loves you? Does he still make love to you? Perhaps not as often, but still does? BUT do YOU also treat him kindly, are being supportive and loving, affectionate? Sometimes when a woman turns into a nag and a green-eyed monster, she will drive her man away. BUT if he loves you and you love him back, and you feel a genuine bond with him without resentment....then you are his number one woman. And he will never give you up. His heart will always belong to you. His heart, I said. Not his lust. And you will never really completely accept it, and at times it will hurt you and make you sad, but as times goes on, the pain will lessen. You know why? Because HE will be grateful to you. Grateful to you for loving him in spite of himself, for not punishing him, hating him, nagging him. For loving him anyway, the way that only a woman knows how to love, as he canno...t and that is unconditionally. And as you loosen the noose around his neck and give him love anyway, in spite of everything...and treat him with respect and kindness....no matter what, you will see a transformation in him and in you. A compromise. You are his number one woman and he treats you as such...and he will restrain himself, as much as possible and you will overlook his weakness, when he fails.

Hey girls....I was in the same boat with several men in my life. I was faithful, dedicated and loving. When guys would hit on me, I would just turn away... my relationship came first. This self-sacrifice didn’t get me anything, only misery as I didn’t get the attention, love and sex I needed in my relationships with cheating men. So, while I was in a relationship with the last of these cheaters, I joined the gym. Lost weight, had a make-over and bought new clothes. And guess what? I met a man and had a fabulous affair with him. I bloomed, I laughed, I grew more beautiful each day. My cheating husband noticed and got all worried about losing me. But I didn’t care. The way that he didn’t care when he had his affairs. No, this was not a retribution. I simply moved on. I simply refused to be miserable and depended on his behavior for happiness. I was still civil and friendly towards him, but no longer begged for affection and sex and yes, I would disappear, just like he would disappear. I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. My guy couldn’t believe my transformation. He dropped his mistress and began to pursue me. I was of course not interested in him anymore. My lover was so much better in bed and pleased me in all ways. He was even younger than me and wow what a body! So, yes, my cheating guy at home whom I gave my heart, body and soul...was now out in the cold and beating on the door to let him back in. You want to know what happened next?

I am a married man of 15 years and have not cheated on my wife and do not think she has cheated on me either. I find myself now and then thinking of other women but I cannot bring myself to actually be with another woman. I have talked with my wife about this and she seems to think I am going through a mid life crises but I don’t know. I love my wife and we have decided that if I have the urge that I should tell her and we can deal with it. My marriage is more important than having some fun with another woman. I can only say if the man is not willing to change then you need to consider a divorce you don’t know who he has been with and what he could bring home to you. If you keep giving him a second chance then he cannot change. My advice is if he cheats on you once then give another chance but don’t leave any impression that there will be another one after this. Your trust is already broken and it is not worth the problems you can find a good man out there.

I thought I had a wonderful husband....been married for 16 years. Our daughter, 19 has moved out I thought this would give us more alone time. Guess what complete opposite. He works in a market and is always meeting new people. He has always told me that he would never cheat on me. I had a gut feeling (which is always right). I asked him if he was cheating off course denile. I started checking the cell phone bill, private numbers coming up. I confronted him of course he says it’s his friend (guy) calling from a private number because his friend doesn’t want his number out do he blocks it. Bull shit. Well after having a gut feeling fir about 2 months, I started to be come obsessed with checking the cell phone bill, making sure that I get the mail b4 he does to check the credit card statements. So one day I decided to follow him. He said he was going to hang with the guys. Sure enough he met up with some bitch from his work. I saw them kissing. My body went numb I couldn’t even move. After I drove away. I then started to think that I should have gotten out off my car and kicked both of their asses. Of course he has apologized so many times. I don’t think that I can trust him anymore. He swears that he doesn’t talk to her or sees her anymore. When does the pain stop hurting. I do love him. Can u ever forgive ur husband?

men are always going to cheat. to remain with a man who has cheated is a death trap. the first time he is going to cry. he may even cry after the second time. but after that he won’t shed a tear. instead he will start blaming you. he will sell you on the idea that it is your fault that he is the way that he is. that you are the reason for his flirting and his infidelities. he will make you feel like you are the guiding force in his decisions to be unloyal, dishonest and unfaithful in action and word. don’t believe it.

we make decisions because we make decisions. we are drawn away by what is inside of us. now, listen, not all men cheat. not all men flirt. there are men with some moral character and who actually believe that they love their spouses without being told to work on it.

after a man cheats and you stay, you teach him that there are no consequences for his actions. especially a man who is charismatic, in a leadership role at his place of employment or at church, guess what...women who are gold diggers don’t care if there is a ring on his finger or not. they only see the power and the money and they will do whatever it takes to get it.

i don’t feel sorry for women who have cheated and married a man who was married when they met. doesn’t matter if they were living together or if he was in the doghouse, he was married. so, if he is being unfaithful to you, what goes around comes around. you better believe it.

we have to think about our health. these men can bring home vd’s. do you want that? do you want to suffer because of someone else’s sins? i mean come on...if you are going to catch something, better get out there and catch it yourself instead of having it passed down by your lying husband!

I also read a post that stated that if the husband is a good man and cares for his children and is a good father, don’t leave him. Come on! This isn’t the olden days where women only knew how to wash clothing and hang them on the line and then lift up their skirts for the man after he brought his smelly butt home after working with the pigs.

We have some choices. There are more opportunities today to make it on your own, then there was yesteryear. Don’t be afraid to step out. Even if you have children. The worst thing you can do is stay for the children. Your girls will marry some cheating jerk just like their father. Your boys will become their fathers, cheating jerks. IS that what you want? I seriously doubt that is what any mother wishes upon their child.

The cycle has to stop and it begins and ends with the woman. That man made a promise to love, cherish, be faithful, to keep a covenant, something sacred. He didn’t keep it. He expects you to keep your vows. But don’t fall for the game. If he is running a game, then you need to pull the pieces off of the board and end the game! PERIOD. Children or no children!

It is far healthier for a mother to raise her children alone, with the dad as a friend, of sorts, then to have the children raised in a lying home! The children can see straight through the madness.

Stop making the children suffer!!!!!

I like most of you just read my personal story many times over. I just want you to know that my husband is so bold that he tells the other women he is married and they do not care!!! Please tell me what happened to the days when women would not do that to each other especially people I know who hug my neck and sleep with my husband the same night. I am smarter than my husband and catch him alot... But all of you should know I once saw a therapist who told me when I was truly ready to leave him I would. I told her I knew it should have been a long time ago as he cost me the custody of my first daughter but Today was the day I knew I was ready. Today was my birthday and my husband could not resist telling me how stupid, fat , ugly, and so totally undesirable to any man that I would never find one to put up with my crap like he does. Just to fuel the fire he reminded me how open sexually his newest girlfriend is and how she is so much better than me. She only has federal human trafficking charges pending and since I have known her has gotten 3 DUI’s. Oh I forgot to mention I have known her and her HUSBAND for about 3years. Her husband is in jail but this is one time I love a gang banger because long after I am gone these two are going to be more miserable than they ever made me....

i know dealing with a cheating mate hurts the feelings of deception is cruel.but i have a question how do you deal with the fact that the person you made your youngest childs god mother hooked your husband up with his affair girlfriend during the marriage !!!!!

A man will continue to lie as you allow him too. I’ve been married for 11 years with 2 children together. I file for divorce tomorrow. This is bull shit all the signs but dumb ass me didn’t catch on. The lying,cheating wasn’t bad enough- dumb ass can’t even use protection. When i found out from a undeleted text;he cried then lied. Did he leave the Bosain lady(Yes the country) alone no he did it again only this time he tried to cover his tracks. Did he care about losing his fAMILY. No!!!!!!!! He only care about self. He’ll continue to lie & cheat as long as i allow him to do that to me. As for why men cheat because there is always a chick that likes to hear about how they can help a unhappily married man, Sex with him doesn’t help. He got over on you & me. He’s very happy. Anybody who is unhappy in their marriage can leave (just like a job). i didn’t know i had marriage problems till i found out what was going on behind my back. It took awhile to get over the shock & i went thru alot of different emotions. The situation is crazy but i love myself so the other women can have him but i doubt that since she’s married too. It won’t be fun sharing her with her husband when he has no back up. Men like him don’t stay single for long so he’ll move to the next one but it won’t be me & today i feel good. Sure i’ll have bad days along the way & being single is a little scary but this shit only made me stronger. In 2009 women have choices. I don’t have to stay & hope he’ll change. He’s 47 & grown, he made those choices.I got a job, family and will be able to provide for mine. Who’s sorry now!!!!!!!!

A man will continue to cheat as long as you take it. He won’t change unless you change yourself. Love yourself & not depend on your happiness on him. We all have the same story but my story will end happily. I refuse for him to make my choices. I refuse to wait to get an std or him decide to leave me for another women. Am out

I am grateful for the comments made on this post. I know my husband have cheated but have never had direct proof. I have seen him being very close to other women physically and he always made excuses. Women have even told me that he was involved with them but he always told me they were crazy. I found out recently for a fact that he had an affair because he was being accused of sexual harassment and the course documents indicated that yes they did have an affair. He said that the affair was only when we were dating and admitted that she was the one calling our house the night before our wedding. Our honeymoon was horrible and I now know why. He didn’t want to have anything to do with me. He was married twice before and had affairs with both of them. I was naive and in my 20s and believed him that they cheated first and that they were already separated when they cheated. He is also always watching porno sites. We have two young kids. I feel like I just have to live with it for their sake. I know he will cheat again and that it is part of him.

My husband has been cheating for ever 10 years. I wish I never forgave him the first time. I think I would be more content in my life if there wasn’t that doubting feeling that he is going to do it again. The second, third, and forth time he started making me the bad guy. Now with the kids he threatens to fight for full custody which he knows I would not want to put them through a horrible battle. These men are selfish and have poor character.

I have just found out that my husband of two years has cheated on me off and on for 18 months of the two years with the same lady. I found out over a year ago and of course he claimed it would never happen again. I moved to another area when we married, I gave up my job, home, friends, family everything to move with him. I fell madly in love with him. I don’t know anyone here but his family. I don’t work therefore I have no money. I know I need to leave but I am so afraid and don’t know how I will make it on my own. Even my car is in his name. Of course he makes it all my fault because I don’t give him enough attention, hell he expects more attention than a newborn who relies on you for everything.I hate to be lied to more than anything and he doesn’t seem to be able to tell the truth. Please help me with some suggestions.

From a man’s prospective, cheating comes with a reason (not I say cheating is right). You have to remember, the husband who cheats, at one time in his life, loved you and decided to marry you – not anyone else. If I can suggest anything, I would say you must win him back by going to his mind and soul, working on his mind and soul and nothing else. Remember, he used to love you so much that he wanted to take care of you for his life..... his mind and soul. Philip – Arcadia, Calif.

Hearing these stories freak me out. I have been with my husband for 11 years. However we were recently married. Before we married, we was constantly cheating. Stupid naive me, I thought he would change once we married. 2 days after our honeymoon, there he was again...up to his old tricks. No I am pregnant. The crazy thing is that he treats me great. We have a great relationship, he puts me first in every decision he makes, calls me constantly when he’s working, we have great communication and we have a good sex life. But when he leaves the house, its like he lives another life. Could it be because he’s a police officer? Will he ever change? Does he really love me? I feel like I’m living a nightmare. Every time I confront him, he turns it around on me. The only way I can put up a good fight is if I have something concrete. what do I do?

to phillip : My husband has no soul

As I look back on our 28 years together what a fool ive been. Married only 15 of those years I see how my soon to be x cheated in both mind and body. In april I found his blackberry where he was looking for a temporary girlfriend on craiglist only to find out that his so call "Regular whore" was on vacation. Yes his 5 plus years regular whore who knew what he liked and how he liked it. His excuse "you were going thru menopause and didn’t even like me." When the truth was he was disinterested in me for several years and never spent time with me. We have 4 children and most of my friends say leave him but for the last 3 months we have been in therapy and the therapists suggest we stay together because we love each other.
I find myself calling him all day, checking up on him. He usually had his whore around lunch time. The deal is if I have questions, he has to answer them. Lately however he is saying how its getting old. Oh yes it is I said today. I need to leave him I know. I was sharing a bed with him an hour ago but found this site and I have locked my door and will not let him in. Once a cheater...always a cheater. I have always taken care of myself but have abandonment issues. My father left me when i was 10. I have been a stay at home mom and he controls all the funds. I should have left him when I found out but the pain of being in my house and bed without him was too awful for words. I couldn’t concentrate and cried all day and nite. R there any men out there that are any better. I find myself seriously doubting the planet has a thing called a decent man.

To every reader and writer...to every mother, spouse, girlfriend, wife...it’s a tragedy to hear stories of all ages and all parts of the world; leading to the same dramatic problem of the cheating spouse...i want to say it’s a blessing for us to come together and open up and take a stand or a step towards a new beginning. Last night I slept in my own tears, confusion on my mind, pain in my heart, soul lost in his darkness and our child in my womb. Questioning myself, questioning my life, wondering how will I get through another night of abandonment. Another night knowing that while he lays right next to me; he was just laying with her. That every night as I cook and clean and patiently wait for him to come home and ignore me and text and call these other females, or tell me that LIE that he "loves" me with her on his mind...I wondered how will I make it? It took him 4 weeks after marriage to cheat on me with a stripper, abandon me during our "honeymoon" stage and then go back to his hooters girl while I lay at home carrying our new son. Yet, it’s my fault that he is the way he is, while he’s been this way, long before we married. And I’m the fool that kept taking him back, swallowing his lies and blinding myself to the truth that stand right before me at the alter. And I stay while he calls his stripper his "baby mama number 2". While he takes his lunches and dinners at hooters knowing I’m at home waiting on him. Yet; I am the devil in disguise. And I come across this page, to hear of women years and years into a marriage or relationship living with the liar...the cheater. And to hear the strength come from your words, that even after so many years and so many counts of cheating...after the vows, after the children...marriage or just life in general should not be lived in your own sorrow, you shouldn’t have to question the person who is supposed to be your other half and you definitely shouldn’t put yourself second to someone who never deserved the heart of gold we possess. This goes out to you. Cause I too will now take my stand and take this step to make a better life for not just myself, but for my son. Knowing now that he will not see a single mom, but an independent mother who took a stand to get to where she should be and create a better path for him; showing that no one will ever bring her down again and will definitely not have a "father figure" who portrays everything he should never be. Thank you ladies and may strength and happiness find us all one day.

I lived 24 years in a horrible marriage. My two daughters lived 22 years in that same horrible marriage. That horrible marriage affected us all.
I only wish I had left the first time I found out he was a cheater and a liar. Little did I know that he would continue in that same vein, and add substance abuse, alcoholism, porn addiction, and predatory behavior to the sickening roster.
I stayed for all the same reasons you speak of, "he cried, he promised, he begged, I had a big heart, blah blah blah".
I am 57 years old now gals and the BEST thing I ever did was leave, honestly, and from the bottom of my heart, it is great. You will do it. The fear of being alone, doing it on your own, all the "what ifs" you worry about regarding your kiddies, finances, the whole defense system you set up to stop you from leaving, every excuse not to pull the plug, is baloney. You will find the way to financially make it. You will find the job you need and the sitter for your kids, and the higher education, and your family will come around to support you and friends you never knew you had will step up and the agencies, wow, the agencies.
Gals, leave.
You do not deserve a life with a person who is this cruel, sick, twisted, and narcaccistic.

I’m 57 years old and my daughters are 27 and 26 years old and fulfilling excellent roads in education and careers, but most importantly, they both THANK me for leaving.

Now you have it, the truth, they "choose" not to change, so you must "choose" not to suffer any longer.
You will heal, you will regain your sense of humour, you will be able to look back and even laugh at some of the situations, you will survive, you will prosper, you will grow, you will be proud of yourself and your confidence will quadruple, but most importantly, you WILL do the right thing by saying "enough" and taking control of your own life, because his is out of control and he chooses to keep it that way.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope that each and every one of you succeeds in life and that you find "your" way to live it happily, without guilt, or shame, or pain.
You have one life, make it special for YOU.

I am 29 years old and my husband has cheated twice the first there was sexually intercourse but the second i found out before it happen we have been married 8 years and have four children ia ma a full time student and work part time he makes the majority of our finances and were going to marriage counseling i wonder if im wasting my time because is he going to do this again i can’t eat or sleep i have nightmares i have not been to work in three days and my soul is tired i cant take care of my kids without him and dont no if i can make it im almost done with school and if i wait until i graduate i will be able to rake care of me and our children he treats me great he doesnt stay out all night hes ab excellent father and a good provider he says he wants to change and doesnt want to lose me and the kids. Can someone give me some advice because i losing my mind wondering how could he do this again?

I feel so empty,angry,sad,sick,ugly,lonely..he made me feel all that.My husband of 5 years that i have a 3 year old daughter with..she is my angel.
I left for a vacation with my daughter to see my family..i was away for 2 weeks...came back and he was hating me like nothing..asking me time after time why i never stayed one month like i promised.
We have a nanny..i found out that she has been sleeping at her friends house just so he could bring prostitutes to MY HOUSE...I was devastated.
I also found out that he had a girlfriend,he came home with make-up on his clothes several times and his excuse was...its my make-up.
A woman doesnt really need proof..she feels when her husband or boyfriend is with someone else.
This is just a few things..i was ready to go and actually taking my girl with me bec he was telling me that he will never let me see my baby if i leave him...this story was 2 months back.. i never left him bec of my daughter..wrong of me maybe..i needed more evidence that he cheated on me bec if i had something solid...it would have been easier to leave.now he wants me to get pregnant again and he is treating me soo good..but i can never trust him again...my friend keeps telling me that im beautiful and that he is making me so unconfident...is he still with that other woman?Should i care?should i leave?HOW?

all husbands are cheats

I fully understand every post here to an exact "T". My husband and I have been married for 4 years and to be totally honest he has cheated all 4 of them. We have 2 sons 4 and 2...and yes i did stay...and yes we did plan for another child together. LADIES I personally do not regret having either of my sons but seriously I was insane to plan for another child with this "man" I use that term very loosely. Because a man wouldn’t marry a woman only because she got pregnant (if anyone says so that that’s total bullpucky). To have this mindset only makes things worse in the end. To lead someone on and make them think that the two of you are getting married because of love and wanting to spend your lives together raising a successful family but in reality only doing so to make sure that they were taken care of is f’d up to say the least. This is now the reality in which I have come to know..unfortunately I am just getting when of the full details behind my marriage via a "man" who never really loved himself enough to be honest to a woman who has given her entire life over to in order to make our family work. He is a CPO in the US Navy and I have placed my life on hold to make life easier for all of us especially him. If I would have known this at least 2-3 years ago I would have been on my way minus the extra heartache of having 2 sons who I am determined to never be like their father in regards to love/relationships. It’s sad that i cry for you all but I know for sure my own mistakes:1.) I have stayed thus far because I have no funding of my own minus him. 2.) I stopped going to college to raise our family. 3.) When in college I let my grades drop because of him and stress. 4.) I moved around my schedule when ever he asked to make things easier for him. 5.) I did not LISTEN to GOD instead I TALKED to GOD. Ladies and Gents guys I know you all are out there too..these individuals are not worth it. We are far more important and we need to realize that ourselves not wait for someone else to validate us or tell us what we need to hear...tell yourself and know that it is the truth when you say it! Tell them ASAP "You have to go now...not now but RIGHT Freakin’ NOW. All you have to do is take care of your offspring and live life...Do you think you can do that? End convo!"
After that don’t worry about who they are seeing or poking. Personally this will be hard I know but let someone else deal with the stress and bull associated. I know I am now wondering what if he proves to one day be a good husband to someone else Will I be pissed..HELL YEAH I will. And I will wonder why not me.. but that is beyond you and I to wonder such crap. The point is he was not one when were together so bump if he changes and never asks to be back with you. that just means that he wasn’t respectful enough to do right in the beginning when it counted and either moved on or was to afraid to face/correct his wrongs in a mature manner.

Be at peace and know that you and I are loved by the products of our unions (loving children) unconditionally. It is an entirely different love but I have not met one that can beat it yet and never will. I will concentrate on my being a wonderful mother and champion of heartache and reclaim my life to ensure a better future for my sons and most importantly myself!

I stumbled across this site because I wanted to understand why men cheat. I was seeing someone for a year and then found out that he’s getting married to his g/f of 4 years. As far as I knew they were living together but the relationship had ended. He told me that they don’t sleep together and argue all the time. I confronted him he lied to me. I believed him. Then someone told me that he was getting married, this time he admitted it. It HURT sooo much, I was heart broken. I blamed myself and felt so unattractive that I attracted such a big liar. I asked him WHY. He said he tried to tell me and that he’s now sorted things out. However he really was unhappy when we first met. I asked him if he was in love with her as he was going to get married, he didn’t reply and said that he WAS in love with her. Even after knowing all this I’m still seeing him, I know it’s not going anywhere. I feel so weak and ashamed of myself. I know he will never change and will continue cheating. He’s getting married soon, not sure if I should tell her. She deserves to know, but I know she won’t believe me.
A CHEAT will NEVER change, it’s in their blood and you can’t change that.

I have been married to the same man for 41 yrs. He’s 4 yrs older than me and he’ll be celebrating his 65th birthday come January. He still works and does side jobs for what he
calls "his egg" money. I now know why his egg money means so
much to him over coming home at 5 and being with me.
I recently discovered that he is cheating on me and I now believe this has been happening for the last 3yrs. The woman is half his age. He knows I suspect him and have seen enough
I know it although he denies it all. After having realized
that I knew things that if I hadn’t seen it I couldn’t have
known it....so now he is having me followed/kept up with so
I don’t find him with her......what a louse! I just spend
everyday with knowing he is cheating with her everyday at his job and me being watched and followed
I will be able to draw my S.S. next year. For now I have no income of my own and unable to provide for myself, so I have not kicked him out nor have I left.
No one can image after this many years, all of your life spent, all your youth gone, all of yourself put aside for
someone who then cheats on you after you have spent your
life from the time you were 20 married to them and faithful
to them and you now feel like you wasted your life.

You need to do good things for yourself and don’t dwell on what has happened, you can’t change it. Just make sure you now have the life you want with or without him. Best Wishes

I’m a young guy, 22, just been cheated on for the first time and I searched for webpages on the subject to help me through it. I’m not commenting to compare my pain to anyone elses here – we were only together 5 months – but I just want to say that the pain it’s made me feel, and reading the stories about how 20 or 30 years of people’s lives have been written off by compulsive cheaters has made me so certain that I will never, ever do that to someone. It’s not a sneaky, sexy, adventurous game, it’s a horrid, horrible, wrenching betrayal and even though I’ve only had a taste, I’ll never forget it =[

I have been having a relationship with a married man for almost 2 years. I am married also. He is very possessive of me and that really turns me on.He admitted to me he is a serial cheater. I am just wondering if he will stop being a serial cheater if we are married later on. He says he does not want to have sex with me because he does not want to use me. I am confused. I wonder if he has fallen for me? Please Help

Man, some sad stories here. I never knew so many women were getting cheated on... and therefore so many women were willing to cheat! Ladies, turn the tables and get yourself a little strange...

Just joking. Straighten up and fly right, personally I think weak women aren’t sexy but I’ll still have sex with them... you think it hurts to be lonely, trying being lonely and stupid. Leave him ladies! Date a fat guy, he’ll appreciate you.

Fat Men RULE!

read all emails in this site..interesting...i am a married women as well 3 kids and boy its been hell too. well me i left my cheating and lying husband after 20 years of marriage but guess what could not successfully take care of us and ended up back at home with him. he claims he have stopped cheating but i still do not believe him. well i guess for now i will just have to live with this no good lying ass cheating husband of mines but i should add--he is really a good father when it comes to finances. i feel like one day soon i will be able to leave and be able to take care of my kids by myself. lonely me in MS

Hi All,

I am a Coolidge men.

I am with a wonderful women (have been with her for the last 15 years). She has a strong career. She is extremely smart, loving, funny, beautiful. I love her more then anything but the two children we have together.

I don’t really want her sexually anymore. Sex use to be great.. now we have sex once in a while. Its kind of boring. Not her fault, totally mine. I just don’t want her that much. Nothing I would like more to want her like at our beginning... but its not happening.

Talking to my guy friends, most are in similar situation. Some cheat, some don’t, but ALL want to have sex with every decent looking women but there own. All watch porn. Sad, I know, but that the way it is.

As far as I understand it that is the Coolidge effect. The myth of the eternal hot sexual love is just that... a myth. ALL guys get tired sexually of their wife/gf after a while (few years max). The question of whether they cheat or not is irrelevant. They ALL want to. Society tell us its bad, wrong, evil, so we try not to cheat. Some are better then others at resisting the temptation. Some have no options. But we all want to do it.

As for me, I cheated a few times. I am also now on a slight diet. I gained a few pounds in the last few years and want my 6 pack back. All I need to do is stop eating right? Well you know what, its hard like hell. Those fries are just too good to resist sometime. I know I should not eat them.. but I am doing it anyway. It’s the same thing with cheating. I know I should not cheat on the wonderful women I have... but sometime I do. I am not proud of it. And just like those fires, It feel wonderful on the moment... and its feel bad after. But when I am doing it... believe me, the smell of a different women is the most wonderful thing in the world.

The question is what am I supposed to do? Leave the women I love and my wonderful children? Tell her and make her feel all the pain?

I should also told you that at the beginning of our relationship, we had a discussion on infidelity. We both agree that if it ever happen, we don’t want to know and it can’t be with common friends.

ps "By nature men are selfish" thanks for your post. I hope my wife feel like you. I think she knows I cheated even if she never asked me.

A financial adviser he is – sells annuities to older people – when the wife becomes a widow they fall into his arms – he seduces them and gives them what they have never had for years – and then he moves in for the money – selling another annuity or getting them to move in with him (fake) – talks marriage but always create situations to prevent marriage – doesn’t like your kids – your dog – you working, etc. He is the worst socio path narcissistic scoundrel – he doesn’t care if you spend money, loose your credit score, quit your job, and sell your home and has no where to go – never supports you financially, but he expects you to do so. NO THEY NEVER STOP – you have a vote here – stop being second fiddle – you don’t want your children to watch that this is okay to take them back over and over – my mom did that and I find myself with the man like my dad over and over. I am about ready to live my life alone, I don’t seem to be able to fix myself and I always find the unfixable. Two sick people will most certainly live a sick life. I do plan to go to counseling through celebrating recovery at church – i must be fixed, and pray that there is a day i will find someone who i can love and they love me back. By the way I am 62 – which is depressing alone – not much time.

Hello,
I have been married for over 30 years to a man who has lied and cheated on me for a number of those years. His cheating was mostly with one woman. At first, I thought he’d eventually stop and come to his senses. He is now 67 years old however, and that same woman is still in his life. I realize that most likely she always will be. I can’t say I know what their relationship is now, it was sexual over time, but that doesn’t really change anything I suppose. Over years, she has taken away his time and attention. This woman has taught sunday school and is involved in philanthropic activities. I have to laugh. She never married. It must be nice to only share laughs and intimacy with a man and not have to go through the day to day mundane details of life. Of course it stays thrilling and exhilarating.

They say hindsight is 20/20...I should have been smart enough and had enough self esteem to get out of this marriage years ago while I still had a chance at a life. The only thing that keeps me hanging on now is the fear of growing old alone, the financial situation not to mention the time, energy and part of myself I have invested in this relationship. Even though we have no children, we are family...does that mean anything?

Over time I have given him several opportunities to go. but I trust he doesn’t feel he can really afford to. I can’t say I know what he thinks, but I can say I’ve stopped trying to maintain the relationship all alone, and I have fought hard for it. We are cordial to each other, but little beyond that.

Why am I writing all this? Well, for one, it feels good to get it out, but also to just let other women know from my experience that these men do not change. It is part of the fiber of who they are.

I don’t know what is in store for me in the future. I can only take one day at a time – I know there is life out there waiting to be lived..........

I’m in a similar situation with a repeating cheater and would agree that it is the sex thrill for my husband but of course I don’t know, he feels bad when I find out and I’m usually devastated. We’re now 30 years down the road and again quite by chance I find he’s repeatedly been chasing for meetings with people off websites.... only it’s no longer women, but men. Does this help at nearly 50 I’m not losing out to a younger woman, in some small way, yes. Does it make me sob wishing he could have just loved
me as much as I did him? yes. I found out two days ago and have been very calm about it. I know deep down I have to call it a day, he’s finally taken away everything from me. We haven’t had sex for over 8 months with various excuses, him either being too tired or I was too vigorous with him and hurt his foreskin 8 months ago and it’s not worked since. At first I thought it was his age (he’s 10 years older than me)and maybe I was going to have to accept failed to no sex for the remainder of our marriage, but thought well if he couldn’t get it up for me then he wasn’t for someone else, but of course not, silly me!! So I haven’t lost out to a younger woman, I’ve lost out to other men who’ll dress up in womens under wear and for he can now only an erection with. That’s a huge obstacle of love yourself to overcome when the man who no matter how much he played around always, always delivered in foreplay and the rest for me!!! 4 yeas ago he was to go to the US on business for 2 weeks, desperate to keep his attention whilst there I jokingly offered to find a girl to have sex with for him – Woa! was he delighted!! It was great, I wasn’t working and could write emails to him on my endeavors and then chat later by phone. I went through with it and was sickened at how pathetic I was to hang onto someone who I clearly wasn’t enough for, by performing sexual acts with another female. And that for me was the one small defining moment but of course I buried it because I knew he loved me, but I wasn’t always going to be enough and marriages are full of compromises after all. There’s a whole raft of other sad, misery making aspects to my marriage but bottom line is it’s now down to me to decide.

me too..i was googling and stumbled on this...I must say that he will never change...Only God and himself can put a stop to this. If he really wants it.
Right now i am going thru a very hard time with my cheating husband! not only did he dare cheat on me, but he is such an abusive, heartless, uncaring person!
he use to be like so perfect but when he started cheating on me he just became pure evil!
He cuss me out all the time. I am still with him because i am depending on his money because i cant work right now.
Once i get myself together and finish school, work..me and my 3 year old daughter is leaving.
He is a true loser, you guys not only did i caught this man red handed but he never confess to why he did it, he was like i would never do it again. After less then a month he was cheating on me again!
I know that he will never change and its ok because now i am at peace with myself. I have a plan and with Gods help i am going to be able to move on with my life.

I married my husband right after his first fling...well i thought the first. Now 5 years later i find out he has cheated on me the whole 5 years. He says now that he has came clean of all the lies and cheating that he won’t ever do it again. I don’t know if he will, but i don’t want to wait around and see. He has lied and made me feel as though i am not worth anyone’s love. For i have been treated this way my whole life. That is my fault. I just had my third child with him. i would never have had her if i knew. i found out when i was 9 months pregnant. Now i hate him so much i cant stand to look at him, talk to him or have him touch me. He trys to get me to be loving to him and to forgive him. I just don’t know what to do. I need the ins. he supplies. I have medical problems and can’t afford to lose my doctors. I have no schooling also. i don’t know if i should leave now? or stay and get money saved and my ducks in order. Cause i may hate him but if he does it to me again i will hurt just the same. I truly know i will leave him even if it takes years, i don’t know if my self esteem can survive those years. Cause i know it WILL happen again. And it may takes him a year or less to do so, but he does not respect me for i do not respect myself. I am just going on and on....I just have so much hurt and pain. Don’t know how to get it out.

WOW! Reading all these stories was sad and at the same time very beneficial. I too is married to a chronic cheater. We have been together for 19 years and married for eight. He has cheated before and during the marriage repeatedly.I feel really bad that i hung in there for so long but it was because i loved him. And i used to blame myself and accept it because i have also cheated out of revenge.(that doesn’t work)I can truly say that living in a unhealthy marriage is lifelong damaging for the entire family. I thank God that i have google this subject and read that lengthy comment done in May 2007 by counselor. That was surely meant for me every single word. I DONT KNOW WHO U ARE AND NEVER MET U BUT I THANK GOD FOR U. I fell like i had a free counseling session. I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO AND I AM GONNA DO IT. Wonder will he continue this behavior with someone else?

For the victims of the men or women that have been constantly cheated upon, please remember a few things:
-repeated infidelity on the part of your other half has also been defined as sexual addiction – definitions are on the web dictionaries. Read them it help’s to understand the situation.
-DO NOT under any circumstance let them try to persuade you that it’s your fault!! You have NOT put them into their situation!! Frequently your faults are: you never want to go out, we never have sex, it’s because of your menopause and the list is long.... There were other choices for them to make if they were not happy within their relationship. Flirting or bedding down with another person/s was their choice alone – you did not force them into it. They will lie and cheat until they find the ultimate lay, which they will be bored with in the short run, which is why they lie to you in order to have a safe home base to fall on.
The logical choice, of course,if they had any feelings for you, other than just being the object, would be to suggest or accept the suggestion to go to counseling.
My cheater will not accept that he has a problem, so why see a specialist.
-Even after having been caught several times (in my case 14 that I know of) they will deny everything, always and make you struggle to find answers, which will keep you in a state of constant depression and anger. They will feed you crumbs when you confront them when all you need is communication. When you try to talk to them they will in most cases become angry and aggressive.
It’ been a year now that I caught him in the act again, this time with 2 women. I’ve moved out and can’t say I’m over the deception but hanging in there and progressing day by day. He still calls and says he loves me, wants to sleep with me, bla bla – don’t let them fool you. Until they find serious medical help, they cannot overcome their sexual addiction. Hang in there.
ps for Phillip -WHAT! how can you "win back" someone that has probably caused you the most pain in suffering in your life! All you wind up with is the booby prize!!

After 19 years together and 18 being married with his five affairs it is finally over. We have two sons. Don’t be a doormat ladies. Confidence is sexy and priceless. Take control of your life, be independent, tell yourself you are too good for him (you really are) You can’t change anyone and certainly not a serial cheater, but who wants to spend her life changing someone??? Hold your head up high and walk the hell outta there and don’t ever look back. Talk to friends and family...go to church, volunteer to the needy and less fortunate and it will make you feel better knowing that your situation is not as bad as what some poor souls are going through.

Wow, It happened to me, too... Have just ended 17 years with a cheater. He was in sales and SO convincing, that
I repeatedly chose to believe him, rather than trust my intuition. I never had proof. Then last summer, he decided to take another girl away on MY birthday weekend! I was crushed. He apologized, I cried,
I had proof, but he said he still loved me and was confused, and that he just needed ANOTHER chance with me. Well, I gave him one more chance. He broke things off with the "other" woman. For the last 9 months, I have watched his patterns. Well, for the first 3 months, all went well.
But in November he was meeting up with a 3rd woman, with
whom he had been I found out a year before ! I started keeping a calendar of the times I would know of his actions and when he was lying to me. It helped me cut the ties to my heart.
Bit by bit, I knew that the person I was sharing my life with was only sharing an illusion with me. At that point, I knew, how deceitful he has been (but so convincing) If I had not had proof, I never would have believed it. Now, he is seeing the woman from last summer again and denying it. I just said it is finished and he has blamed me for the affair again, saying I was not showing him enough attention. What a crock! Why would I show such a deceitful person a load of love ?
I feel stupid even saying that it took 17 years to realize that I was with a SERIAL CHEATER. I feel stupid that I was not getting more of what I want in a relationship for so many years. Guess I was in denial and did not want to face the truth of what was going on.
Well, I did make a decision to be alone than with him. I did it for myself. I deserve better. If I stay any longer, I fear that I would be facing a lifetime of hell-on-earth, of bitterness and repeat pain. What kind of life is that? I may hurt for a while this way, leaving, but at least I will not hurt forever like I will if I stay. Living with a liar, makes you lie to yourself to make the relationship work. It is awful to do that. I do not even like the person I now know him to be. He always said I was imagining things. That is just cruel to know he was covering for himself by attacking my mental state. It hurts since it has only been 3 days, but I am telling myself that it will not hurt forever.
If I stayed, I am sure that it would have hurt forever.
Thanks for listening. I thought that I should write this out, so I never forget why I made this decision. I know he will beg and plead for one MORE chance (already is) but I have made my choice to choose peace of mind and happiness. Good Luck to the rest of you reading here today.

get rid of the men that hurt us to the core!! leaches all of them!!! hope there are some good men around, but far from being convinced

we all know it’s not possible to be loved with a man/could be and/or woman that needs just sex to live!! life is so cool if we had it all and not only the slum life that our partners enjoy!

I’ve been reading most of the stories... things are pretty messed up with people and relationships and I can relate to what many of you have lived. I think it’s only by respecting who you are and what you stand for that you’ll be able to reach the place and relationship you seek in life.

Some people will not want to learn, will not want to improve and will not question themselves when they are in pain. But what goes around comes around and the cheaters I’ve met have always gotten a taste of their own medicine in the end. We are all responsible for the inner world we create in our minds through the actions we take in our daily lives. If you don’t want to get cheated on, don’t cheat. One day you’ll find that special person that shares the same vision.

You’ve given me hope that perhaps there may still be some women in this world that still have convictions and values but I won’t be going out there for a long time.

I’d like to return the favor by telling you that there are still some men that may will have moral values. But that they are rare, broken and won’t be found in the normal places you look.

This is my third marriage and I can’t it has been messy. I’m not sure if it’s all men, or just all of the ones I’ve been interested in. This one and I have been together for four years. Married for almost two, and six months after we got married he started cheating on me. I was really upset because everyone tells me I am a beautiful and intelligent woman. I make good money and pay all of the bills (including the child support for his three children since he lost his job right before he started cheating.) He told me that he felt terrible about himself and felt like he didn’t deserve me and was afraid I was going leave him. I got phone calls, letters, etc from more than one woman. I had one woman that even broke my car window and I had to get a restraining order against. I found out now that he is still having an affair with her a year later. I have told him that I will give him money for his kids for a few months so he doesn’t go to jail, I offered to give him half of everything even though I paid for it all. I have confronted him and we have even gotten into physical fights. He lies to me constantly and won’t leave. He says he can’t live without me and loves me with all of his heart. What heart? Tonight I figured out where they were and asked if we could all sit down and talk about it. She knows he is a cheating spouse. I just want him to leave. I don’t understand why he keeps cheating. I don’t care anymore. I just got on here because this is the first night and I woke up crying. I was dreaming about taking my son and his daughter swimming. I let him do this to me by not leaving the first time I found out about these things. I had faith and I loved him deeply, but he is never going to change and I should have realized that a long time ago.

I just wanted to post and let everyone that I am going through the same exact thing. Although we are not married, we have been together for 6 years. Together we have one beautiful 16 month old daughter and I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with another little girl on the way. My "man" is a millionaire by trade, and a deceitful, sex addict by night. With his money he orders through an escort service to "service" himself, his managers and employees on the weekend. We rarely see him. At first I constantly thought that there must be something wrong with me for him to be engaging in this lewd behavior. After I thought about it for a while; I realized that I am, to him, his security blanket, and, although we have sex FREQUENTLY when he is home, when he is away he needs that Thrill of feeling wanted and needed by other women. I finally decided to leave. I was literally 1 week gone and I met an AMAZING man. Maybe not Mr. Right, but definitely Mr. Right now. He can’t keep his hands off of me, EVEN PREGNANT, and tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him every day. I suggest that you girls GET OUT OF THERE, and find whatever it is that you are looking for to get your mind of those scum bags. It’s not YOU, remember that.... because they will do this OVER AND OVER to whatever their next "flavor of the week" is... and ultimately die a very sad and lonely man. The thing that will hurt your hubby’s the most is for them to see you in a stable, loving, fruitful relationship where you and your feelings come first.

Im 23 and since i was 18 i was with a guy and when i was pregnant he decided to cheat on me he did the worse he could possible do have sex with the girl on the same bed we sleep on but bcuz my family was so old fashion and there was a need to save face i forgave him and let him be there for our son’s birth i was also afraid to be a single mom and then he went gave me an STI just last year but like an idiot forgave him and believed him when he said it was from that previous affair...which was just obviously not true! and today he let himself get caught cuz he mis-sent a text to me saying "hey sexy send me another pic" which he knows my phone has no camera and he’s been trying to play it off and now is ignoring my calls i was so mad and hurt why would he do this to me the mother of his first/only child the one who was always there for him etc etc but then i got here and read a response from counselor, 31 May, 2007 and that was that I GOT A WAKE UP CALL like counselor said ‘"You alone are responsible for your own unhappiness. Your question should not be, "Will he change?", but rather, "What have I done to help create my own misery and Why do I choose to stay?"’ he always verbally abused me damaged my self esteem and whhy BECAUSE I LET HIM well thats it for me im done caring or worrying for his ass i know one day he’ll be in jail or dead sooner or later because of his lifestyle...and hey karma’s a b*tch...ladies be strong listen to counselor and in all honestly every single good gf/wife/partner deserves RESPECT and deserves to be TRULY loved!!! tomorrow is a new day ladies make it yours cuz i know i will im done with this bull THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT POSTS TO ENCOURAGE US TO BE STRONG AND TO REALIZE WE DESERVE BETTER NOT ONLY FOR OURSELVES BUT FOR OUR CHILDREN...single motherhood is difficult BUT NOT impossible!! we can do it ladies....yes we can...(thank you from the bottom of my heart counselor)

Well sorry to say but he won’t stop and never will stop. Some people have enough will power but most likely he will never change. Guys are like vampires, when they smell blood like most vampires, they go for the kill. Some vampires can control the urge to kill. Like some guys can control the urge not to cheat. That’s what separates the men from the boys. Both women and men have the urge to cheat, but some control it better than others. Women are better at controlling their urges than men. Guys look at porn to fulfill their urges. When you take candy away from a kid, they throw a tantrum. In the same way a guy will act out his urge if his outlets are taken away. In this case... he can’t control his urge. It’s better that you walk away.

Anyone have advice for how to be the supportive best friend in this situation when your friend keeps going back to the jerk?

I must say that while every woman wants to know the every move of their man, They cant! It’s simply that. I’m a strong believer that once a cheater always a cheater. I am going through something similar and I believe at this point that I am the one that is stuck. I love my husband but he cheated. I can’t get over that. I hate the fact that i gave myself to my husband... for better or worse and he would do this to me I can concur that our marriage will never be the same. All the trust is gone and it’s going to take years to rebuild.../especially when I can clearly see that he still contacts this girl who is a close friend but still he cheated on me with her. Should it matter that he’s known her longer than he’s known me? No..I’m his wife. Now like I said the love and trust is gone and I’m starting to move on myself while he’s here everyday trying to mend the pieces of his broken marriage and life. The answer is with in all of us whether u should move on or stay and wait for change. All I can say is pay attention to the signs and know for u what is going to make you better and stronger as an individual!

Thank you for your stories. I have been experiencing the same with my almost 3 years marriage with my husband. I even got sick because of him. As I read your stories, I’m beginning to understand everything. and the hurt is lesser now. thank you everyone!

Thank you, everyone. Your stories calm me down a lot. I got up this morning to find that he has started his cheating activity again. It’s been 3 years and I’m still not brave enough to leave this relationship.

I have been with my husband for over 20 years, and I finally confirmed last April, 2009 that he has been cheating on me since we were engaged. He first cheated with his student assistant 3 months before we were married. I confronted him about the rumors, but he denied, profusely, that he WAS NOT sleeping with her. He looked me in the eyes with a straight face, and stated that he "had never" had a sexual relationship with this young woman. Shortly after we were married, I was cleaning out his old "bachelor closet" and a bunch of letters from this young woman hit the floor (I couldn’t believe that he was stupid enough to save the evidence). Anyway in the letters, the young woman professes her deep and abiding love for him, and whined about how much she would miss him after he got married, etc. She also stated that she was relieved that her "period had came" and that she was not pregnant. Of course, I nailed his butt as soon as he got home from his office. He started to cry and to crawl around on his knees, begging for my forgiveness. It was a pathetic scene. I did forgive him and I insisted that he fire the young woman from his staff (the fool could have lost his job over his actions). Anyway, some years later I discovered that he had also had affairs with other student assistants at a different college, he also had an affair with a co-worker, a bowling partner, some woman he found on the internet, a prostitute in Reno,and some woman he met on Craiglist. He’s also addicted to porn. In other words, the man is a complete whore. I suspect that he is a living, breathing Petri dish of STD’s. I stopped having sex with him almost a year ago. I don’t want to contract HIV or some other incurable disease that will take me away from our teenage daughter.

I am in the process of getting a divorce, finding a new home and rebuilding my career. I was a very successful executive when I met him, and I’m about to reclaim my previous life and lifestyle. I guess he thought his infidelities and constant lying would break my spirit, destroy my self-esteem and leave me a mere "shell of a woman". This adversity has only made me stronger, more optimistic about my future, and our daughter’s future. I will never stand in the way of him having a relationship with our daughter. I know that with God’s "grace and mercy" we will not only survive, but thrive. I also wish him well and God’s speed. I believe that if you truly love someone, you will let them go. I would much rather see him happy with someone else, than being miserable with me. Whatever reason(s) I was put in his life for over 2 decades only God’s know that answer. I’m ready to close the old chapters, and move on with the new ones.

Im so glad I am not alone. Ive been with my partner for 5 years and have been married 2 months. After Several instances of finding phone calls, messages etc we decided to move and make a fresh start. I have given him so many chances, but he kept his nose clean for over a year (I think) so we got married. Found out the week after he had been phoning and texting a girl, even on our wedding day. Its very difficult to get him to admit to any cheating, he will just say it was all innocent. After years of it and letting me down, again, I am left devastated and dont know what to do. Every other aspect of our relationship is perfect and he is an amazing step-father, my son adores him. I’m seeing the doctor today for depression, all my confidence is shattered. I dont want a failed marriage after just 2 months!

I have been married to my husband/best friend for 27 years. Six years ago I found out he was having an affair with his assistant Tami. I was devastated, sad, mad and confused. She was a single mother with enormous breasts. My friends were suspicious of her but I didn’t want to judge her because of the way she looked. I should have known better. I really trusted him and thought we had a wonderful life with three great kids and a truly loving marriage. I felt so blessed and really adored this man. Many time he would walk through the door after work and my heart would skip a beat. I couldn’t understand how this could happen to me. He always treated me like a princess. He would buy me the most thoughtful gifts, great vacations, wonderful father to the kids, offered to grocery shop for me and would run to get me coffee in the morning. We went to Paris for our 25th anniversary and it was magical. After I found out about the affair we attended three years of counseling. Our marriage would never be the same but we were working through it and he promised it would never happen again and he would never hurt me again. Eight months ago I found out that he was cheating with a married woman who was decorating our new beach house. She’s now divorced and my marriage is teetering on the edge. I made him move out after I found out he was still in communication with her after he said he would stop. He told me they were "just friends". The thing is, with texting now, they don’t leave a trail of phone calls behind. I can’t take it any more and it’s time to decide what to do. I want to believe this man will change but how can I ever trust him again? At 51 the last thing I want to do is start over but I can’t keep living like this. I deserve better but I’m heartbroken.

ok women this is a male soldier about to be on your side. I was with this woman 5 years married for 2..last year we went on a cruise and got our names tattooed on each other and bought a brand new car.. I recently came to iraq with the initiative to go home and buy a house and have kids. i would talk to her daily and she would sit in the living room...then one day she got online in the bedroom and said she wanted privacy.(from what)..she started wearing colored contacts..talking in a gangster accent listening to hate rap...wearing skanky clothes and hanging out at clubs smoking all the time and doing pot...my wife of 2 years and companion of 5 cried with me before i left and said she cannot wait to start a life with me and that i have nothing to worry about that she will be here for me. I just recently found out that she had been cheating on me (have proof) with not one but multiple guys all of which are 20 years old on welfare and have food stamps (I am a hard working man and make good enough money to support her)..she is doing drugs and letting many many people live in our appt drive our new car...and sleep in our bed.. I lost 14Lbs..couldnt eat or sleep and i will admit..everywhere i went i cried and i couldnt stop....at a time where you should be there for a man that is over seas serving the country... I now feel that had it not been for God’s grace I would have gone crazy... she is so negative to me and says she hated me for the whole 5 years and that she never was in love with me...but how is that possible whenever we just got married 2 years ago? I will be divorcing her...she says she would like to wait till i return to see if she made a big mistake....but I will never ever be able to trust her again...and i want you women to know...you might hate guys...but if you find one who is true to christ and you yourself turn to christ...the right guy will not find you...God will place him there.... unfortunately God had other plans for me.... I pray for all of you that God opens the doors for you. and those of you with children that they live good lives through you...and that those that have cheated know the error of their ways and feel horrible about throwing such a precious thing away...Through Christ with Love.

Let’s put it to you this way, I found out my husband was cheating for the first time in 19 year in July, 2009. It went on for about three months (I think, maybe more...maybe less) and it only came to a halt when I stalked and threatened the "OW" to the point that her parents threw her out of the house and she changed her cell number. My husband also wanted to "save" the marriage and "we can make this work". He said he never meant for any of it to happen and it was just "an accident".

I started out by reading countless post such as this one on "why they cheat", "why it’s not my fault", "how he won’t do it again", etc. That was my worse mistake.

On Sunday, May 16, 2010 I got into a head on collision with an F350 that was loaded with a trailer with 4 atv’s behind it and he came straight at me at warp speed and totaled my car. By all accounts, I loved my car, it was a simple 2006 Honda Accord ES and it made me happy. Days after the accident I kept sitting on my stoop looking at it in the drive way and was wondering what I could do to fix it. Then the adjuster came and in less than 10 minutes he said it, "yeah, it’s trashed, completely totaled and you’ll get the rest of the information in the mail within a week". He gave me his card and he was gone. That’s it? What do you mean "completely totaled", I loved this car. It was just "an accident", so of course I could fix this somehow. But there it was, there was my answer after nine months of smashing my head against a wall trying to "fix it", I now looked in the mirror and with a very bruised, swollen, disfigured face (I was left looking like I boxed Foreman for 6 rounds from the accident) and came to the conclusion the adjuster came to, "it’s totaled". It can’t and won’t ever be fixed and the rest of my life will move on within a week.

One of the things I hated most about looking up information on all the cheating husband sites is that they all said "it’s not your fault", "you had nothing to do with it". Well, if it’s not my fault, then why does it hurt me so damn much? If I had nothing to do with it, then why am I the one crying and trying to "fix it".

Ladies bottom line here is unfortunately, if he cheated on you once or 100 times, if it was on purpose with a co-worker or "an accident", if it was a one night stand or a 20 year affair, then that’s it, your adjuster is telling you it’s over and done with and you can’t and won’t ever be able to fix THIS one, just take from it and learn so hopefully you will never have "an accident" this bad again.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can...
And wisdom do know the difference...

This is all very depressing...so many women, so many sad stories.

I am a 39 years old man (and fairly good-looking)and am happily married with a child. My wife is the only one i ever had an intimate relation with in my life. Until i was years 32 old, i have been constantly unhappily in love with many women...one of the reasons i often heard was that i wasn’t enough "experienced" (that i was still a virgin)...the 40 year old virgin movie is not a myth. A man with morals isn’t sexy...this is what i learned.

Honest, faithful and kind men do exist for those who look out for them.

I married my husband after I knew he had cheated on me with my best friend. I forgave him. I catch him several years later cheating with our neighbor’s wife. I still try to keep the marriage together with three children and military moves. He cheated again, of course. I have three grown children mow. I tolerated this abuse for 30+ years feel terrible about myself. I realize this man will not change and feel justify in what he had done. Told me he wasn’t sorry for what he did. I went back to school and have a very good job where I do not have to depend on him financially. I live in our beautiful home not paying one bill. I save as much money as possible so I will be able to live comfortably when the time come. I finally got to point where I am staying care of me and realize this man chose to be a liar and cheater. I do not hate him but the love is definitely destroyed. I travel a lot in my job and it’s great to leave and not tell him where I’m going or when I’m returning. I’m not concern about where he goes or when he return as long as he pays all bills. We only speak to each other when it necessary. I believe in God and am at peace. I know the time will come and I will know it time. I have always did my best to treat others how I want to be treated. I believe I chose the wrong man. I also, believe that nothing happen without it being a learning lesson in our life. I pray often and I believe that God will direct my path. Ladies keep the faith and take care of yourself!

All these men sound like sociopathic man whores. What’s doubly sad however is that for every man who’s a cheater there’s a woman who is cheating with him and well aware that he is attached, and could care less about the pain she is helping him to inflict on his wife or girlfriend. Yes other woman (or man) you are just as guilty.

Supposedly this cheating behavior is biological – men crave variety and women want security so they go for a man that is a “proven partner” evidenced by the fact that he was able to get a woman to commit to him. Whatever, cheaters have no conscious or sense of morality and they are selfish animals! Bottom line. SELFISH ANIMALS.

Only animals run after others with no thought other than satisfying their sexual needs.

Women and men, when who are being cheated on here’s my advice: drop that zero and get a hero. Here’s some sobering statistics for you: 60% of all attached men and 40% of all attached women CHEAT. And let me tell you, it doesn’t matter how good you are to that person or how many hoops you jump through to keep them (especially you ladies) a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. That is what they do, and they’re not going to stop doing something that they enjoy. Your love really means NOTHING to these people! Your tears mean nothing! If they did, they wouldn’t have disrespected you in the first place!

Cheaters do not deserve a second chance to shatter your world. Once should be enough. Not only will your heart be broken over and over, you could get a disease like Herpes, HPV, even AIDS!

As for you, the other women and men – you degenerate home wreckers – why do you want someone’s sloppy seconds? Where’s your dignity? Do you seriously think if that attached person is cheating with you that they won’t cheat on you – they’re probably cheating on you as I write this with 10 other people waiting in the wings somewhere living on false promises. I feel sorry for you. Very, very sorry. Surely there is a special place in hell for bottom feeders like you.
>:

I’ve been having a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend. But now, I don’t know what to do. She’s been cheating on me, she herself admits to that, two or three times, with two guys. One of them an ex; one of them one of my (now former) closest friends.

Still, I want to press on. She has some mental issues (slight depression). That, in combination with hormonal problems due to polycystic ovary syndrome, provides not an excuse, but a tangible explanation as of why she’s been unfaithful.

I don’t know, I’m so torn right now. Should I be angry? I can’t feel anger; I love her way too much for that. I’m sad, of course, but there’s something more, a kind of numbness that I cannot place.

Guilt, I believe, is the strongest emotion right now. Deep down, I’ve always believed that all happens for a reason, that I’m getting no more nor less than what I should have. What I deserve. But what have I done? What have I done to deserve this agony?

She says she loves me, and that none of this is my fault, and that my heart is beautiful and that she cares about it so much. But how is that possible? One of my closest friends. How could she possibly care about my feelings? Sleeping with him is about the worst blow to my heart she could possibly have struck.

But that which hurts the most must be that small sliver of doubt circulating in my mind. That which keeps repeating: "Oh, she loves you. Now. For how long will she love you this time?"

Well I am in a similar situation myself. Been with my husband for 16 years, we had a few problems about 4 years ago and I HIGHLY suspected him of cheating. Well surprise surprise have just found out that he did cheat. He is being really nice and cannot do enough for me and says that he has told me all the facts, but the problems is with that is I now know he is a liar.

I would also like to make a point about women checking phone bills etc, my lying cheating husband even admitted he bought another phone which he never brought into the house to contact the OT.

I’ve got one of these. The worst bit is how he is treating me like I’m stupid, he won’t even admit it when caught. I found condoms, he said he bought them to annoy me! Not sure which is worse to be honest. I’ve know he’s been cheating. He acts all hurt and incredulous, making me feel bad for suspecting him. All holier than thou I wouldn’t lie stuff. Then I find the evidence (by accident both times) and it hurts so much. I don’t know who he is.
I don’t understand as I’m the one who is sex starved, who has a prude of a husband who will do nothing new, who won’t flirt or anything remotely kinky. So I don’t know why he does it.
I’m stuck with it because of our children, leaving him would mean I’d be rehoused in another town and that wouldn’t be fair on them, to take them away from friends. He has his stupid little housekeeper/nanny and gets his fun elsewhere.
He wonders why I’m depressed! Stupid, it’s the 21st century and I’m hanging around for my children to grow so I can be financially independent and escape.

My husband who cheated with under age prostitute said" women should get C section than vaginal delivery, is because after birth, their vagina is not tight and pleasurable anymore. Their body is fat with stretch marks"... After what I heard, it beat me down and thinking why the hell i gone through so much pain and sacrifice to have two beautiful healthy children with him and all he use was his penis to think.

Cant seem to divorce. Been thirty years married and he’s been cheating with another woman ten years. He promises to move and doesn’t. Just cannot call police on a seventy something man.No sex anymore-just go to work and find happiness there. Have a family who loves me-hates him. No social life-but I do travel and get a few breaks. Lawyers -three of them-want over 5k down to start. Got all the paperwork-I just need to file myself and move on. Wish me luck!

Thanks everyone for the sad stories. I am in the same situation too. Have been with my husband for 33years. He’s been cheating on me for so many years already.

I have been with my husband for 10 years we have been married for 6, i found out last Nov he cheated on me he says the sex was only a couple of times it was more about attention then sex, and then i find out their was also another 2nd women he flirty txtd with. My daughter knew but could not bring herself to tell me for the fear of hurting me. I also found out he was snogging a 3rd women in a nightclub four years ago and and there was a 4th women he was flirty txting with right up until i found out. He begs, crys and offers me everything. I know he hard a bad up bringing his self esteem was always low, he cheated on his first wife and in his second relationship. When he met me he said i was different, i worked hard, had my own house car and money, im not unattractive and he said that is why he loved me because i was independent and took no shit from him. I was always the one in control i cannot deny that but I feel destroyed, everyone though i had the perfect man including me as he always showed me attention, affection that is until last year when i started to realize he was different- lazy, nasty in the pub stopping out late, selling things to get beer money. I kicked him out but have started to see him again a few nights a week to see if we can work it out but I look at him now and feel betrayed as i hadnt a clue he was capable of all this lying and cheating. And yet i love him and feel sorry for him – we are at counseling but i know it wont work i feel i am going through the motions till i am strong enough to cut ties from him. I feel so empty and the doctor keeps telling me to go on anti depressants but no way. I feel in limbo as being with him will always cause me pain but the thought of being without him hurts like hell. I only hope to god i am strong enough to come through this. My biggest fear is i will never love anyone else as much again and that there is no such thing as a man who does not cheat. God this is soo hard and painful. I hope i have the courage to move on and i am in a better place this time next year

I have been married for almost 15 years. I married my husband after meeting him in a club after three months. I was only 20 years old. He was 24.
We waited about 11 years before we had a son. He’s now 3 years old. When I was pregnant, my OB told me that I was bleeding because I got trich. My mother had cancer at that time and I have no other family but my husband. I wanted to leave him so bad but I knew that I needed his help with the baby. After 3 years, I finally had the courage to tell him that I wanted a divorce. He broke down and told me that he got the std from a strip bar (with this girl giving him a hand job after she had played with herself to get him up) We are now in counseling. I’ve seen a lot of changes in him but I’m still not sure to give him a second chance. Please help. I just need another opinion. I have no family. My mother died when I was four months pregnant.

After being together with my boyfriend for 7 years (I left my marriage to be with him – so I guess I am classed as a cheater too) but contrary to belief I HAVE NOT cheated on my boyfriend of 7 yrs nor even wanted to – so I believe I will NOT cheat again because I was happy with my decisions at the time.
But he has cheated on me with 3 prostitutes – I found out about the 2nd & 3rd one today!! It is a difficult situation for me as he works with me in my business. I asked him if he even cares that he has hurt me emotionally so badly that I would have preferred to have been hit in the stomach as the pain would have subsided quicker! and the fact that he has put me at risk of STD’s AIDS etc and his reply is he used condoms... I asked him why he feels the need to do prostitutes especially when we have an very adventurous sex life and I always try and spice up things...I am slightly overweight and have been told that I am very attractive – his answer is "he doesn’t know why..may he just likes the variety of different women" – What kind of answer is that? He said he does not know what to do about it and said he would move into the spare room.
I am at my wits end...I really thought he loved me and respected me and would do anything including begging me to forgive him etc....but nothing.
Do I insist that we try counseling and if that fails we move on? I do love him but I cannot do this – I want to be able to trust him but I cant & wont for now and most probably never!
Also my ex husband (21 years of marriage) gave me date rape drugs and also went to prostitutes and my bf knows how this affected me and he has done the same.
Any advise would be appreciated.

I found of recently that my fiance cheated on me. He swears that it was ONLY a kiss and nothing else. Yet I do not and will not believe that is the only thing that happened as he was gone the WHOLE night!! I have left him and although I am saddened by this I really want to make a fresh start with my life. However, before he cheated I was so happy with him, we had this connection like no other I felt by a man. But he is constantly lying to me about his whereabouts and the women he talks to. He has far too many female friends and is overly friendly and flirtatious. I have not once cheated on him. He says he deeply regrets it and will do anything to show he is serious but I cannot believe him. How do I begin to trust him?? I feel like I am drowning and my options are limited... I really need advice and someone to talk to.. Its the not knowing if he did anything more than a kiss which is destroying me..

well here is mine my husband has been cheating with the woman for the last 7 year ever time I find out he lies about it

Ladys PLEASE tell me there is hope for a cheater. I have been married to a wonderful woman for 21 years. I cheated on her with another man (thinking it was just a man not another woman) I have to think there is hope for me even if I lose her (I know should have thought about that before) I can’t stand to look at her and all the pain I have put her through and what I have done to her faith in the world. I do want to change. I start seeing a counselor next week. I know this is nothing she has done it is all my doing. I do need help. I know she will never trust me again but I have to know there is hope I can change. I am so sorry for all of you who have be cheated on and for my on part in adding pain and suffering to an other person. Please forgive me not for my actions but as a person who recognizes the pain an hurt I have caused by my actions. I truly am sorry.

What is to come of this sick world? Where have our morals gone. Where is the integrity? Where has the love gone? What about the trust? I find it quite hard to have not met yet a nice respectful morally sensed man this days. I am 19 years old and I already know the devastating pain of the man you love doing things behind you’re back. I was with my first and only boyfriend for 3 years. The first year was great he had got me to fall in love with him by his charming ways no woman could resist. The next years with him were hell. I not only got to witness him cheating on me with easy whores but he completely took my self esteem away or the little bit that I had in me. I thought I had found someone that loved me for who I was but he was no more than a lying snake. He would tell tell numerous girls that he was in love with them and only when they fell for him he would dump them. Every time I would find out he cheated on me he would dump my ass and I still would forgive him whenever he came slithering back to me. I fell so much in love with him that I forgot my own sense of worth that I felt I couldn’t live without him. It took me a year to finally realized that he never loved me he just used the goodness of my heart. I ended our relationship a month ago and have decided to move on with my life because I deserve better than him. What I did notice is he did admit that he was the problem and he said he cannot change. I like to think maybe he did have sum love for me despite of what he did to me. He was my first love but I just hope my next one will be someone that truly loves me. Ladies keep you’re head up and stay with god. Without him I couldn’t have had the power to get away. I see some ladies here have a good heart. Don’t change for anyone not even to someone who makes you cry and makes sure life hell. Its their problem they are the ones who loath themselves and will never know what its like to be a sweet honest caring respectful person. Only good things happen to good people

Remarkable, truly utterly remarkable and very sad to boot.
One really does wonder about the science education being given in the western world. Clearly many of you ladies were not listening. Indeed many of you did not read fully the author’s answer regarding the Coolidge effect either.
It also seems that many of you are too ignorant to watch what happens in nature too. Ever watch what dogs do if they are not castrated from an early age? Yes they run away – miles in fact, if they smell a bitch on heat. It is an incredibly strong biological calling. Much stronger than a piece of paper and a ring. I suspect many of you are from quite religious backgrounds, and therein lies the first of your problems. Judeo-Christianic societies (most of the west) place huge value on the institution of marriage. Historically it was a way for the male paternal line to be ensured: a man can impregnate many women, but only the woman herself knows who her child is really fathered by. So the men would place great store in marriage – and oppress the females in their society to boot by keeping them away from other men. Ironically as women have increased their power within society over the last few decades, the attitudes towards marriage have not changed at all.
Tone down your expectations ladies. Demanding perpetual fidelity sexually is biologically impossible for men. That’s why I (and many other men) see marriage as a sacrifice and one that really isn’t worth it in terms of payback. 3 years of monogamy is about the maximum most human males can guarantee (various studies show this).
Understand that it doesn’t matter whether you look like Angie Jolie, males have a biological need to try different females (women have this need too, but it is greater in male mammals than females for obvious reasons).
There are so many ironies that you women really don’t seem to get. In many surveys women rank sex very low in terms of their priorities in a relationship: humour, emotional support, financial success, generosity are the keys to good relationships you tell us. Yet suddenly when you find your guy has committed a minor indiscretion, then sex shoots from 5-6 on the list to number 1. You fail to understand the male sexual imperative over and over again.
At the same time men are supposed to be more then cogniscent of the female hormone cycle, the behaviour of women while pregnant, or around child birth : "sorry baby it’s my hormones" (estrogen, progesterone etc).
Yet when a male answers the calling from his hormones once again the astonishing ignorance of the western female shoots to the fore.
My point here is that the women’s lib movement have demanded understanding from the male sex for many years now, but there is no such compensatory will from women to understand the male position. Understand that biology will ALWAYS be far greater pull on our natures than any words/moral arguments.

My story? I’m 42 with a girlfriend of 5 years is an open minded Englishwoman who I absolutely adore. We help each other get over life’s challenges in a very constructive way. She knows occasionally I get carried away, sometime seeing a prostitute, sometimes a one night stand. I never mention it, never feel guilty about it, but occasionally she figures it. She has a deep understanding of men and knows that our biology is hard to tamper with. Because she understands me that only makes me love her all the more. Btw, our sex life is good too, making love at least 4 times a week.
The problem with you women and western society in general is that you don’t even want to try and understand the man’s position. I would bet if you even showed a modicum of understanding to your errant men your relationships with him or those in the future would be better.
I have emphasized Western throughout this blog because I currently live in Japan and Japanese and Asian women fully expect males to behave in tandem with their genes. Their expectations of male behaviour are low. As long as their man is devoted to their children and to them emotionally that is as good as they expect.
The sooner Western society catches up with the East in this respect the happier we all will be.

Wow, like many of the others who wrote here before me – my husband continuously cheats on me. I am still in the phase of "what do I really want to do". I was divorced with 3 kids at home when I met rather remet him 8 years ago on classmates.com. We dated for a while our freshman year in high school years ago (I’m almost 52 now) – and sat next to each other for all four years in the high school band (alto sax mates) and then we went our separate ways. He went off to the military, married and had 2 children. i went off to college and eventually married in my late 20’s – divorced, remarried and divorced again. After years of being a single mom, along he came – and he swept me off my feet – and everyone around me as well. It could not of been more perfect – he moved from his state in with me and we planned to wed a few months later. However in the course of the wait my dad passed away and we had decided to bump up the date to the night before he passed – to have his blessing. Shortly after that he would go on business trips back near his old stomping grounds and came up missing from his hotel room – several times. It was a few months later when i was listening to one of his voicemails on his phone (I was going to erase one I left him because I was so mad I couldn’t find him) when I heard this other voice talking to him – I couldn’t believe what I was hearing – and when I confronted him he tried to tell me those were old messages that were on the phone from before we got together – a year before that??? A new phone – obviously it didn’t add up – but he seemed sincere – so I just plugged on – for another year of frustrations – him disappearing – not answering his phone etc. etc. and then finally discovered a phone in his briefcase – while he was in the shower one morning – with "her" pic on it and the title of "sweetie". He was off to a biz trip that week and promised to send the phone back and it was over – he didn’t want to lose me. Things seemed to be okay – until a few months later and I discovered the same phone. After threatening to leave etc. he said he would mail it back and I would go with him -..... Short end of the story – that was Spring of 2007 – other things happened over the next two years but I couldn’t prove them until he called me one morning while on a trip and left me a vmessage – and forgot to shut his phone off. I heard the whole conversation with this other gal in his hotel room. He came home that evening and I literally threw up upon seeing him. He promised that he would take care of everything and all is over – I really tried to believe him up until just two days ago – he left his work mail up (he works alot from home) and I just was curious enough to check out old sent messages – to my sick stomach, the last contact he had with someone was 10/7/10. (at least on that email) – stating to her to stop contacting him. When I confronted him he stated 8/09 was his last contact with anyone. Well I had tried to print out that email and it wouldn’t print at home and he took the laptop to work – plugged it in and suddenly it printed at work and someone saw it as they dropped it off on his desk- wow, a small twinge of revenge. But now I sit again – not knowing what to do. It isn’t always easy to leave when we want to – financial – daughter going to college – health insurance – no job right now – and he continues to walk around here like we are a perfect couple. I know the pain, the confusion and unsureness that something like this brings to people. I would like to start a business and catch these jerks red handed and embarrass the heck out of them – and on the other hand – I’m ready to find my own prince in shining armor! So much for a short story!

Unfortunately, these guys are all just being guys. They are male sexual creatures, and the only reason they are male sexual creatures is to find and impregnate female sexual creatures. Any other requirements we put on them are artificial and doomed to fail to some degree.
If he chooses to stay with you, then that is really the best you can hope for.....emotional fidelity. You cannot expect sexual fidelity from a male for very long at all.
This ought to be obvious from all these letters, but some still cannot understand it.
It really doesn’t matter what rules somebody put in the bible or anywhere else. Males are programmed to be males and it is almost impossible for them to go against their natures for extended periods.
I’d say just love him and forgive him and you’ll keep him. Otherwise you’ll lose him and just end up with another one the same.

Mr. Blinky/Roland. Using nature to explain men’s infidelity is just a cop out. Society is built on the suppression of our biological impulses. Marriage is just one example, it is a social contract in which people enter willingly. In it, both men and women agree to make many "sacrifices" to uphold this union. One of this "sacrifices" happens to be fidelity. For very good reasons. Men expect fidelity to make sure the offspring they raise are really theirs and women expect fidelity so they don’t have to share the resources (emotional, physical, and financial)which are supposed to go to the children of that union. Both men and women enter into this contract fully aware of what is expected of them.
So don’t feel like going on the straight and narrow? DON’T GET MARRIED and spare a woman the pain associated with cheating.
Mr. Blinkey: Out of curiosity, does she sleep around as well? If so, are you as open minded as she is? This isn’t a jab, but an honest question.
As for everyone else, I married young, high school sweethearts; we’ve been together for about 20 yrs. and he’s been at it for almost 20 yrs, if not actively... then seeking. I just found out a few days ago, and although I am broken hearted and appalled for his cheating ways, I am mostly enraged at the thought that I made many of my life’s decisions with only half the information; information he kept from me. If he had told me about his cheating, I’d have ran. Or worked something out, instead he decided the course of our relationship.
Not surprisingly, he doesn’t want me to leave and part of me doesn’t want to either. I’ve known him for most of my life: 20 years!!! I’m 35! And I/we have so much invested in our marriage. We’ve been able to blend our families so well he’s even become a father figure to my nieces; we have the same friends, share the same debt, and we’ve helped each other through the worst years of our lives.
But even with all that I have to face that above it all I am an idealist and not the romantic type. Our relationship was built in deception and that isn’t for me nor my children and so I will leave.
We’re going to therapy, he hopes to get through what he called the "worse" part of "for better or worse". I hope to work out some type of arrangement for our separation.
Thank you for all your comments. After reading all of these comments I feel comforted to know I’m not alone; relieved that I still can remake my life; and scared as hell to see how common infidelity is. I really wish many of those who responded years ago would update their current situation. Give hope to those of us who are just beginning to deal with this.

wow. Sadly i am in the same situation. I grew up being very independent and never letting any boyfriend treat me badly. I met my husband and we married when i was 20 (and pregnant with our first child). he was great. young love..all of it. after a few years (and another child) he decided one day he didnt know if he wanted to be married. so he took a "break" for a few weeks while i continued to run everything. He decide he still wanted a family. Still no cheating. then he took a job in texas (we were living in ny) and i was pregnant with our 3rd child. we met him there and were living a new life. he then started to hang out with his single coworkers. going to strip clubs,not inviting me to go hang out. after a while i found out he was cheating on me. so i told him i was leaving. i made him drive me back to ny and find his own way back to texas. after a month or so he called crying that he wanted his family back and he would never jeopardize us again. i went back to him. he then took a job overseas. we couldnt go (that is what he told us). eventually i found out he was cheating on me..constantly. going out to clubs calling me drunk..etc. again he told me he wanted to just have our family and he didnt know why he was doing what he was doing. he then went overseas again...military stuff. found out he was cheating on me again. again promised he wouldnt do it anymore. oh yeah, he always says ‘you need to leave me. you desever better than me.’ then he had to go for training across the country. we again ‘couldnt go with him.’again he cheated on me. how did i find out this time? he called me crying saying he thinks he has herpes. needless to say when he got home a few months later, we slept together and i became ill. got checked out...found out i now have herpes. he told me how bad he felt for giving me that and this has scared him to not do it anymore. then he went back overseas (military) and i saw he was having an emotional affair online with an old high school "friend." he told me he wants us to stay together and he doesnt know why he does what he does but he wants help. so when he got home we started counseling. after being home for 2 months, he couldnt stand not working and accepted a job across the country(we are supposed to move there when the kids finish school in june). his second week away he goes out gets shitfaced. i am unable to reach him by phone from about 1 am until he calls me at noon. he tells me he is sorry. tells me he blacked out but feels like he brought someone back to his place. so another words he cheated on me once again. right now we are in limbo. i can see me leaving him. i think the hard part is when we are together we get along amazingly. we are open, communicate. i truly like him as a person. he just makes these choices to do these things. i told him for all he knows he has HIV or some other disease. what will take, him getting that and giving it to me? he already gave me herpes! he tried to blame part of his choices on me. saying i dont take care of myself. i am actively losing weight(i have about 20 lbs to lose to be at the same weight i was before we had our 4 children). i work full time and take care of our home, bills, kids....everything. i just wish he could see what he has. i feel like an idiot that i am staying. so weak. but then i dont want to give up on us, him. we have been married for almost 16 years and this has been going on for about the last 10 years. i know i would be ok financially, and i have been raising our kids and running our house and working full time without him around on a daily basis (he is constantly in and out due to work choices and never makes it so we can go with him). the only reason i am staying is because i guess i am just as attached to him. i dont know how to let go.

Wow after all that and you are still there. I suppose Emily123 after so many years I guess it’s understandable why you’d feel so attached to him. Even though he got you sick!!!! I asked my husband to move out as I can’t trust him nor do I think I can forgive him, but he’s charming and knows how to soothe my anger. He was my best friend. Good luck and I hope we’re strong enough to do what’s in our best interest.

Been there too... my 9 year boyfriend and now fiancee cheated on me several times... i caught him more than once (8 times in the last 3 years to be exactly!) I never had the guts to send him away.... until now I dont know what happened what made the difference this time but I finally had enough! I finally got myself together and told him to go away... the only problem is that he doesnt let me go he said he doesnt want to lose me that he is sorry and that hes working on it... i cant trust him anymore.... can I?

I am amazed of the courage of these women. I am only 24, but I am often called an old soul. Seen the real truth about men. My mom survived my dad who was, let’s just a (monster) physical and emotional abuse. I have haunting memories that I want to escape. But now my mom hates men with a passion. It almost impossible to have a relationship with a guy and not feel the same worries that she does for me. My bf’s never cheated on me. But they always say like father like son. My bf’s father cheated on his wife and then married the women. I watch women like my bf’s mom and my mom overcome everything. But seeing what they went through makes me worried. My parents divorced, his parents divorced. I don’t even know If I believe in marriage anymore. Men are terrible creatures, but having these worries and fears is making it impossible to think about my future with a guy. By the way my mom have 4 girls. Seriously all the guys we have dated losers. one of my sisters got married and her husband cheated on her. It was really hard but she stay with him. Now they are having there first child. Hard to see your sister in pain. Relationship now with them. he is so lazy and just a schmuck. i told him that my sister is working a 9 hours day 8 months preg. and he is home all day and can’t make her dinner when she gets home. I just wanted to scream at him, mind you I am only 24 and he is a 34 year old man. he acts like a child. So you can see how it;s hard especially when my mother tells me that my bf is just using me because he lives with me. He pays rent and splits everything. oh gosh any advice. I asked her to stop saying things like this, but it just continues.

In less than one year of marriage i have been cheated on for 6 months while pregnant,beaten after two months of delivery and to even know this girls dont even know he is married,he give them stories to the extent of telling the one he dated for 6 months he is going to call her in disguise to warn her off and he treated me like shit through out my pregnancy.

I cried countless time and now that he said he has change,i cant still believe him, infact, i feel so betrayed that am beginning to fall out of love.I am patiently waiting for him to try it again b4 i call it a wasted marriage.I cant get over it and its killing me to be with someone and feels like they never loved you. Its sad and thats why i wont subject myself to it cos i believe in love and i know i deserve the best. Dont ever think its too late, it kills faster than disease.

Yes men cheat, My husband cheated on me a few times. He always said he was sorry every time he was caught. I was feed up with the lies and the cheating so I left and moved in with a friend that I’ve known since I was little. While talking to my friend, she told me something shocking. She said that I was a great friend,but ever since she’s known me, I would change my personality after awhile when I was dating someone. I was still nice to everyone but became more bitchy to the one that I was dating. I thought that was just part of the relationship process. It made me think, was there a part of me that contributed to my husbands behavior. Other than his cheating, his really a great guy. We started talking, I mean really talking. I never knew how he really felt towards me until than. He said the way he viewed me was like his mother (Who is very controlling by the way) not like his wife. I realized that a lot of my conversations with him in the past, I mostly talked down to him and did so shortly after the relationship started. That’s not saying what he has done is ok, but I felt that if any relationship was going to work for me in the future, I might want to try and change my ways, So I figured, why not try the new me on my husband. And surprisingly, to make the effort to be loving,caring, and wanting to be apart of his life, wasn’t that hard. I don’t know why I could act that way to a friend or nice to a stranger, but never to my partner. I’ve moved back home and he’s been cheat free for 5 yrs. now. I remember the ol’ saying, you attract more bee’s with honey than vinegar. Showing that I love him on a daily basis and I’m feeling the love back, makes me look forward to the next day. I’m still a bit scared that he’ll cheat again, But now I feel, with the openness and caring of the relationship, it’s stronger than I could have ever imagined.

Ladies it is just so sad reading all the above. I feel your pain. I myself has been lied to and cheated on by my husband. My marriage one could say is like living in hell. I had to asked him to leave. Recently he kept coming back to say he’s sorry, but he has hurt me so much and has broken every trust. Frankly, I do not trust him as I do not believe he can change on his own.... only God I believe can help him!!! I must say this man has temporarily wreck my dreams. Temporarily, because I know I will pick myself up with time. How can one say they love you and hurt you this bad? We have a 23 months old baby together, it’s just so sad but I have decided to love myself a bit more and move on.... You will all be fine all it takes is just one good decision, that’s what I am also telling myself

might not be all his fault: YES IT IS! Every marriage has problems of diverse intensity, but it is left up to the individual to find a way to deal. If a spouse chooses to cheat, then he or she has chosen that action above any other available (cause there’s always more choices). The choice made reflects that person’s state of mind and it’s independent of the spouse as he or she isn’t present when this happens. Other than that, I’m glad to hear that after 5 years you have a strong marriage. KUDOS! I think it takes guts to work things out after a betrayal. And to feel scared he’ll do so again. Anywho, wish you the best :-)
Also. I think your premise "all men cheat" is too general. Otherwise fidelity shouldn’t be an expectation of marriage and we should just accept the fact they do and not make a fuzz when we catch them or share with us a life sentence.

I have been married to this guy for 27 years. Our sex life has been great up until 3 years ago when he gave me an STD. He said he cheated on me but only one time. What a fool I was. Well here I am 3 years later telling my story about how my husband has been screwing prostitutes for the last ten years. He travels for work and that gave him every opportunity to go out and screw around. I told him I don’t know what I’m going to do. He says he’ll change, he’s going to go see a sex therapist (probably the prostitute) to work things out. I said I would stay while he works through his problem. I can’t do it. I can’t stay. I’m going to stay until I get some cash stashed and then I’m out of here. I deserve better. I wish I would have found out sooner, now I’ve wasted 27 years of my life. He can’t ever be trusted and I hope the next woman he goes with realizes it.

Here’s another teardrop in the bucket, hope it doesn’t drown us all who remain.
He makes all the money. He hides bonus checks for the prostitutes. He comes home smelling funny and has the nerve to ask for hugs n kisses as if I’m glad he’s home.
This I could maybe stand if he were fine. He is hideous. Everything about him repels me. After reading this, I’m am quietly going to my closet to grab some undies, I’m outta here. I can start over again. Shit, I’m gorgeous anyway. And talented. I can’t believe I fell for, "Oh, quit your job, I’ll take care of u". NO! DON’T DO IT!!! Wish me luck ladies. I know God has better in store for me and my kid.

I hate to admit it but they just keep making up excuses of why they do it and they will never do it again. But it really hurt to find out that your man fall in love with anyone that give him the time of the day!!! I feel no relationship security, this guy can run off at anytime with any ole body. My friends stereo-typed him as this can of person from the beginning but now I look stupid because they are right!!!! I am ashamed to go places with him sometime, for the fear of people whispering about how he eat them out and how much of a freak and lame he is. I really don’t want to be with him anymore but i know it will hurt him more than me. I care to much about others feeling, who clearly care nothing for me!!!!

I have not read all the comments on here because my eyes really hurt today from all the crying I did 3 days ago. Basically my heart goes out to you and I am in the same horrible boat. My husband’s particular predilection is teenage girls. He is older than me and like a TOTAL moron I thought I wouldn’t have these problems.

First I thought he was staring at teenagers (anything from 12 upwards – but mainly 16-1 because I needed to lose weight, so I lost more than a stone. Then I thought it was my clothes, so I changed my wardrobe. Then I thought it was that I was unfit, so I went to the gym. We stopped going out because every time we do its a total nightmare. He always picks girls that he can make blush or act stupid. He doesn’t care if they are with their mother or boyfriend. He picks a girl to look at and will look at her all night, like some kind of weird really, its so embarrassing.

A year later and he sits there on Saturday night privately watching a film where a 16-year-old has an affair with a married man! I walked into the room and decided that I had reached the end of my tether. I told him his obsession had no place in our house.

I have put up with this behavior for 6 years now (since I turned 40 – he hated me turning 40). I have actually kept a diary of all the YOUNG girls he ogles and the list has half filled the notebook. He is nearly 75 btw ! He is totally compulsive and he won’t stop. He denies all of it and says its in my head. I said to him, ‘So it was in my head when the whole room was turned to the front of the theatre and you were turned round the opposite way in your seat looking at the ***tch from..... ‘ (She was 13 and with her mother and friends – they all laughed at him but it’s like he doesnt notice that).

Let me explain, if you will permit me, that essentially what these men have done to us is very simple, they have turned us into their mothers and the trouble with your mother is, that unless you are a pervert, you cannot bring yourself to have sex with her.

So now like a total moron I said I would get a toyboy – (like I really feel like messing around – sorry, but it isnt in my nature.) My only mistake in all these years was that I allowed myself to FEEL married.

Anyway, in the end (after 4 days of rowing) i said to him that I was going to get him 2 teenage prostitutes and that I hoped this experience would get this fixation out of his system. To which he replied "if you bring them round here, I will throw them out because I don’t want to have sex with sluts"

Make of that what you will? My conclusion is, he’s scared if they bob up and down on his fat stomach that he might have a heart attack and die.

All this crap is so awful, I think it has made me look significantly older, and if that is happening to you, you must call a halt because that kind of erosion of our looks is totally unacceptable.

For my part, I feel like this last remainder of our love was just smashed into tiny pieces.

I told him in his fat face "I don’t trust you anymore, this is over!"

But, for one reason and another, we are not going to split up, but we are going to live separately. I know this wont work because he is a megalomaniac but anything is better than how I felt before. I don’t feel joined to him anymore, not spiritually or mentally. It’s like he’s just ‘someone I know’ now, it really is over for me.
Hope things are calmer for you.

I’m so glad that I found this website. I’m 22 and I have been with my husband for going to 8 years and he is constantly cheating and lying to me. I ask him why he does these things and he just tells me " he doesn’t know" or " I’ve done it forever I’m used to it". I told him either to change his ways or leave for good. He tells me he will change but that’s not the first time he has said that to me. I’m tired of his BS. I tell him I don’t know what to do anymore to make him stop and he gives me this lame excuse " I guess I have a sex problem". I don’t know anymore if he will actually change

Please do NOT go back for more – no matter how much he misses you – its not love any more – its more like a co-dependent relationship of addict and rescuer. The best thing you can do to help you and your children is to stay strong and say no more to him. Get your life back on track without him – let him the work on himself and don’t waste your life allowing his problems to be yours. It’s not about the affair – that’s just a symptom of a much bigger problem. The person you married is gone forever – if you ever got together again it would have to be two completely different people who have done months or years of working on themselves. Please remember who you are and stay strong!

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and he has a cycle of cheating. About every 6 to 18 months depending on life’s stresses he either uses porn, meets someone that he falls in love with etc. He says he is a sex addict but you couldn’t tell it with the lack of sex that we have. After this last time March 2011 I have not recovered. I feel broken and lost. I have almost no self-confidence anymore not in myself or my abilities. I grew up hearing "you’re fat, ugly and stupid. You’ll never amount to anything. You don’t deserve to be happy". I guess that is why I stay because I believe somewhere dark and deep that I deserve my unhappiness.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me. I know that I am a shell of the former happy and outgoing person that I used to be.

I like this page and it lives bme dumb founded to read how much cheating take place in relationships

Man = polygamous

Marriage = man’s promise to make babies with 1 woman only (or pay for the babies he’s already MADE with said woman in the case of the shotgun wedding)

Monogamy = invented by a woman

Child Support = Proof marriage is obsolete

Alimony = Proof women are still not equal to men

Man = One who thinks he can deny he nature and be faithful until "death do us part". His EGO tells him he can get multiple partners because HE’S WORTH IT!

Woman = One who thinks he will remain faithful. Her EGO tells her she can get a man to be faithful for a lifetime because SHE’S WORTH IT!

Victim = Woman on 6th marriage with 6th cheater

Idiot = Man cheating on his 6th wife

Internet = Place where everybody can avoid the real truth about sex, marriage, and what men and women really want and just whine about their sexless marriages, cheating spouses and general unhappiness in life without actually doing anything about it.

Me = frustrated married guy who would love to turn off his lust for other women and have desire only for his wife and live in this ideal married utopia all you other suckers still believe in for one reason or another.

You = going to help vote this post down to -666 because it’s a truth human beings (ESPECIALLY WOMEN) are not ready for yet.

Face it. The happy old couple in the park are freaks of nature. Perhaps they are wonderfully codependent or just realized ages ago that nobody else wants them. Either way, they are the exception and not the rule!

We have done our daughters a big disservice by telling them or allowing them to believe in "true love" / marriage / monogamy with a man. It just doesn’t happen. I’ve taught my daughter not to expect it. Our expecting it is what breaks our hearts. I’ve been married 3 times and had numerous relationships, just waiting for the faithful man. He doesn’t exist. Women equate sex with love. Men look at sex like taking a dump – it’s a physical action, means nothing. When will we learn ladies? Please teach your daughters that they cannot expect fidelity from a man. It will save them years of heartache, divorce, etc.

Well, Deedee, you have also done your daughters a disservice by telling them they are princesses and that they need a $50K wedding ("special day") so they don’t feel like just another girl next door. You prop them up and tell them how special and fantastic they are and spoil them completely rotten. When you can’t stand their attitude (or how much they’re draining your personal finances) you can’t wait for that knight in shining armor to take her off your hands. He signs up for the "deal" and marries her.

What he doesn’t know is that no matter how hard he tries and how hard he works and how much money he makes and how good he is in bed he will never measure up to the demands of your princess and that she will never feel satisfied. This is why there was only supposed to be ONE spoiled, self-absorbed, entitled and narcissistic little brat called a princess while the rest of womanfolk have a little humility and will actually lift a finger – and be reasonable with the "I want I want".

Men marry their princess only to find that she turns into a nagging hag with an endless list of material crap to buy and then uses sex as a weapon and means of control when she doesn’t get her way (she’s a princess after all). So you warn your spoiled entitled daughters and we men will warn our sons.

I does not surprise me in the least that women think this issue is purely a "men are pigs" problem – despite there being so many "princess piggies" getting their snouts into the trough digging about in the slop for their meal ticket.

Why are men reluctant to marry? Trying to please one woman indefinitely is nearly impossible. She will eventually become unsatisfied. She has nothing to lose by getting married and everything to gain by getting divorced. So, since he can’t AFFORD to divorce, he tries to keep her somewhat satisfied and gets some action on the side.

Ladies: You can make the rules as unfair and sexist as you want. You’re not going to change male nature. Women marry for money, men like sex. Let’s just call a spade a spade here. People know what they want and they know how to get it. That’s why marriage does not work. Marriage requires compromise and sacrifice on BOTH SIDES.

People think "sacrifice" means "settle".

I say marriage is an outdated useless phenomenon. Women are "equal" now, are they not? So why a union based on financial inequality that targets mens pocket books?

Maybe some women are less equal than others, or just too precious and cute to actually work for a living....

WillyNilly69, I may be the strangest woman you ever heard of – I’ve always worked, have never married for money, and in fact, I supported my first husband who decided that once we married he could quit his job. You sound about as bitter as I do, so I guess we can both agree that this marriage thing is a crock. I’m not condemning men, I think women need to get real about the fact that men are not built for monogamy. As I said, it’s OUR fault as women that we built that fantasy. When men cheat on us, we asked for the heartbreak by expecting otherwise.

Sorry Dee Dee. You said "We have done our daughters a big disservice by..." and my reply started with "You have done your daughters a big disservice by..." So you referred to yourself as part of a larger group (women) and my reply was to suggest than mothers in general, especially in North America, are largely responsible for "princess syndrome".

Interestingly, women are not built for monogamy any more than men are. Society associates women and motherhood with monogamy, but it’s a crock. 75% of divorces are initiated by women, who come to the table with a variety of reasons why the man is to blame for the marriage problems. The marriage is often sexless, are most often it’s the woman who turned the sex machine off. "He was not there for me emotionally, so I denied him physically" is the usually excuse/blame reply.

I came upon a website feature a book by Michelle Langley, "Women’s Infidelity", at womensinfidelity dot com. According to the author the "men are cheating pigs who ruin their marriages" just might be a well crafted smoke and mirrors game to hide the real culprit:

Women don’t know what they want.

They’re told what they want by their inept mothers who also had no clue what they wanted: the fairytale courtship, the fairytale wedding and the fairytale life complete with white picket fence, minivan and dog. When women realize that literally "owning" a man as part of her "idealized dream" is not all that’s it’s cracked up to be, she becomes miserable. And a miserable woman becomes sexless tyrant and is really is not worth being around. So the man tries everything to satisfy her, knowing full well she controls the sex supply. She tries to fill her emptiness with material happiness and saps him for every nickel, gets all the material things she wants (which she knows deep down will become hers after the divorce is over), and continues to make his life a sexless, loveless living hell. Then she divorces, tear in eye, from the COLD DISTANT NARCISSISTIC man who was never "there for her". It’s a crock. Marriage is a crock. Alimony is a crock. Marriage is a crock. Female ‘man killer’ divorce lawyers "diagnosing" men with narcissism and female judges tolerating it is a crock. Good fathers not seeing their children is a crock. Him paying for HER, the house, and her new bum boyfriend is a crock while he “bonds” with HIS kids is a total crock.

Ladies: the smoke is gone. The mirror is broken. We see you and your "GOOD DEAL" for what it is: the worst deal of the century. Don’t sign up boys. Your daddy will tell you a good man is faithful to his wife and provides for her and provides for her “THE DREAM”. What he won’t tell you is he is reciting the BIG FEMALE DREAM which SHE DOESN’T EVEN WANT. Women don’t know what they want – it’s a side effect of estrogen. And men will keep on trudging off to their 12 hour days at work to pay for "the dream" while women figure out what they really want: freedom from what they thought was the ideal life. Family life is not ideal and it’s very stressful on both partners. Again, estrogen prevents women from seeing this before going in. As a man, I knew child rearing was going to be next to complete hell. She silently resents the fact I was right and now she is as tired, miserable and "turned off" as I am.

If you have a good sex life and think getting married and getting a big mortgage, amassing huge debt, working you tail off at work AND at home, and losing your cool single friends to join the ranks of other tired parents is the way to maintain it, think again. And no $50,000 "party for the princess" (called a wedding) is going to magically transform two people’s lives into the fairytale utopia.

Let’s put an end to these laughable old wives tales, fairy tales and fantasy about princesses, knights and the benefits of monogamy. It’s all lies mommy whispered into her ear while she brushed her daughter’s hair, and assured her she was the fairest of them all, and that she would surely get her prince and live the dream. The dream is a legal institution that provides her with a meal ticket that is SUPPOSED to be used to provide for children. But women seem to be walking away from divorce courts with far more cash and assets than is needed to raise kids. Raising kids is not her concern. Making him “pay” for her bad decision is. And her bitter divorced girlfriends will cheer her on and tell her he’s a louse, she’s the victim and is ENTITLED to everything she can get her hands on. (If your girlfriend or wife has a divorced girlfriend you must be sure to keep them apart using any means possible – these women are poisonous to any relationship).

The alarm clock is ringing and it is wakeup time folks.

Young men: think long and hard. The dream she is selling you is something she only thinks she wants and when she finally realizes it she’ll leave you penniless and confused and thinking it was actually YOU who FAILED HER.

And today I think (after reading my shameless rant above) that young women AND young men are sold "the dream" by parents who could not even make the dream a reality themselves. They also say "I’m going to succeed where my parents failed!". Ah yes, the impetuousness and ego of the young!

Sure, there are good girls out there. Some work very hard too, and don’t have that sick sense of entitlement I speak of in my post above. There are good boys our there too, working hard and bringing home the bacon, and staying faithful even after the "reality" of her dream hits and her sex drive evaporates.

But this said, I think North Americans are over-stuffed. Over-stuffed with food. Burgers. Media. Options. Toys. Electronics. Status-Quo. We’re told we need bigger better toys. Bigger better homes. Nicer lawns. New furniture inside. New furniture OUTSIDE. New kitchen with granite counter top. New new new. Big big big. And we’re more miserable and in debt than ever before.

The trouble with the "more more" mentality is when women get this disease, moreso than men. Women are STILL the sought after sex, and men are the pursuers. As such, men will always try to give women the standard of living that they want (or demand). While the "more more" mentality spreads like a cancer, there is a penalty we all pay. The extra work, effort, time and money have to come from somewhere to get the "more more". People say this is called a side-effect of PROGRESS but I disagree. Progress is when we cure a type of cancer or reduce emissions or feed more people with the same size of farm. The following is NOT progress:

1962 – 1000 sq. ft bungalow.
2012 – 2200 sq. ft 2.5 story

1962 – 1 dad 1 job 1 car
2012 – 1 car per family member. All working.

1962 – 1 black and white TV
2012 – 1 big flat screen and 2 smaller ones

1962 – 1 radio
2012 – MP3 players, docking stations, various game platforms, multiple computers / laptops, in house wiring, home theatre, multi-room audio, movie projectors...

1962 – 50A 12 circuit fuse box
2012 – 200A 42 circuit panel board

This is progress? This is a disaster of human greed and HUMAN entitlement. We live from cheque to cheque to get all this crap to run 200A of power in our homes and we’re miserable. We’re stressed to the point we have high-blood pressure and no desire for sex and high cholesterol and clogged arteries. Even food is easier to get and in greater quantities than ever before, but almost everything we eat now does SOMETHING bad for us. We don’t exercise any more and "fun" is more virtual and less "real" than ever before. We have 1000 friends on facebook and see fewer living people than ever before on a daily basis.

Family members and spouses feel like coworkers or room-mates that we communicate with by email, text or by writing on eachothers ‘walls’.

So I ask: is infidelity a problem unto itself, or a symptom of a much greater and widespread sickness? Is our even-increasing demand for instant gratification consistent with higher divorce rates and occurrences of infidelity? It’s easy to become a man-hater or a misogynist and blame the opposite sex. But are we as a society really moving in a direction where love between husband and wife and family values are REALLY #1?

I think as a society our priorities are wrong and I am a witch and heretic for saying so and a hypocrite because I have 2 computers, 2 flat-screens, MP3 players and docking stations and 2 game platforms and a separate room for home theatre and audio and I can’t get excited for my wife anymore. And I’m living from cheque to cheque like everyone else and my boss KNOWS I will work overtime because I’m strapped to a big mortgage and big credit card debt just like everyone else. And he’s working overtime along WITH ME because he makes more and has a BIGGER MORTGAGE and MORE credit card debt!

And I wonder why I distance myself from my wife and lust after strangers? Sex with strangers requires no emotion at all for a man. To make love to my wife, that requires an emotional and spiritual connection that I just don’t know how to do anymore. I’m connected with every gadget, gizmo and network imaginable, yet I’m more disconnected than any man before me in history.

Return to horse and buggy, you scoff? I heard they had really great sex back then...

Rant #2 over.

im 4 mos pregnant and 2 years married to a serial cheater he had an affair weeks after our marriage i saw it with my own eyes how they kiss and the girl give him a blow and suck her boobs it sucks its in a video and i accidentally watch it i feel like a dead person but i love him so i forgave him after a few months i received i wrong sent from my husband and its all about their check in in motels and so on and so forth he cheats and betrays me all the time.. i feel like ugly,worthless and insecure i dont know why he marry me if still in love with her ex gf they always have a communication and i gave up the fight because i cant make them stop..im just happy that i have my baby angel in my womb i hope and pray to GOD that he will guide me..i nee to get my life back i deserve better than this..may the lord give us a strength..Girl power

I have been tormented by my husband for 10 years we have been together and he has cheated on me every one of them. His excuse is that I cheated on him whilst we were still dating with a married man. Truth be told, i was an innocent victim of a lying married man who said he had been separated from his wife and was in the process of getting a divorce. Being naive at 20, I believed him but broke it off when i realized he always made excuses about visiting his home and then i met my now husband. This married man called me one night and me and my bf were sleeping, he answered the call and was really angry. I was too afraid of losing him and lied about the relationship, unfortunately this cannot be undone. Later i confessed but my husband hasnt forgiven me i know coz every time he is home late and drunk and i ask him were he has been he says its all my fault. I cant keep paying for some wrong i did long ago and i want out of my marriage but im afraid of being alone with 3 kids. My kids all have ADHD and are quite a handful and i know i wont cope by myself. Leaving them with him is not easy coz i dont know what kind of woman he will marry and she might not be patient with them. I have a good education but stopped to look after the kids. The youngest will be off to school next year. What do i do?

I found this found as I am a victim. It helps to read that there are others out there like me. My husband cheated on me twice and he is still with seeing and communicating w/ the OW. When his stories do not add up when he is suppose to be at work or coming home, I know. It hurts soooo bad.
He saw me crying, sad, angry, hurt, suffering, can’t eat, can’t sleep etc... he feels really bad and says all the right things to make it better. Two days later, the same story he’s in a meeting and see you at home at 7 but in reality he went to see her before coming home.

I don’t know why I put up with it. Just like all of the wives here, we love our husband but you can love up to an extent before you get fed up or his cheating gets old.

This OW knows he is married w/2 kids. Do they care??? NOPE! They are all selfish and only care about their feelings and stealing someone’s else husband. I am not excusing my husband either. He is at fault 100%!!! He went to see her, he calls her and that makes me so upset that he doesn’t care about the consequences of hurting our two daughters and me. He is VERY selfish and only cares about his happiness.

But life goes on right!? We as the victim has to strengthen ourselves and build our self-esteem back up.

We HAVE TO BE STRONG, I tell myself everyday! it’s a roller coaster for me... Now, thru this I am closer to god and find joy and peace that I thought I would never feel again. Everything is NOT peachy, but I feel better because I know god will show me what I need to do.
Take care ladies!

I am 21 and just found out yesterday that my first love, who I have been with for four years, cheated on me for two of those years.
Two years ago, he told me he was falling in love with another woman but wanted to tell me, because he cared for me so deeply. He decided he cherished our relationship more than he loved her and that was the end of that story. Because of this experience I thought he was honest to me. Found out I could not have been more wrong.
Five months ago we broke up with no real reason. Things had not been going well between us and he said he was struggling with himself. He has had a very tough youth and lost his best friend in an accident 3 years ago.
For five months we saw each other just every once and a while as friends, and had great fun together. Because he paid more attention to me and said he had had the time to figure things out and we both started thinking about a fresh start.
I talked to my friend about it, who suddenly told me that there had been some rumors about him kissing another girl while he was with me.
I told him what I had heard and he broke down, admitted it and said he had been wanting to tell but felt to guilty and he would have told me before we got back together.
I bought it, but did not give in to him and told him this changed a lot of things. Talked to my friend about him again who now said she heard the day before he had even went over sleeping to the same girl’s place while we were together.
I could not believe it. Confronted him, he admitted and again broke down. He said he had slept over at her place but because he had to go to work early in the morning and he did not do a thing, he swore. I had never ever seen him cry, so I should have seen that there was probably more to come.
Yesterday he calls and tells me who he really was. He has been sleeping with that girl over two years. + with one other girl.
This is the man I gave my heart too and supported for all those years. I have been by his bedside when his friend died and when he was ill for months. I may sound stupid according some of you, or too idealistic, but I thought we were happy and would share a future. I am not a dreamer, I knew we were not perfect cause no one is, and was aware of the fact that people have sexual cravings or break up or...
I just did not know that some one could be such a cold liar. He has agreed not to call me anymore, but says he will text me every day and will not give up, because he only loves me. He told me I am his only chance of becoming the man he wants to be. I have to say, he does not have close family and I feel guilty to leave him by himself without anyone he can fall back to.
I love him, and wanted him to be my one and only. It’s just that I can see know ‘he’ is not reality.
I hope one day I can have any trust in men again and not become a bitter old woman but it’s startling to see how many women go through this.

I wonder how many of these hurting women put on weight, looked like crap a few years after marriage, lost any interest in sex (or were faking it to begin with), put their children first and husband second or worse, became consumed by the details of house, kids, PTA and abandoned any previous interests? The man becomes a visitor that is tolerated in his own home...

Did some of these women lie about the time of month to get pregnant? Then twist the man to marry them (perhaps even though it is another man’s child)?

These things are common, probably much more so than people realize because they are usually kept quiet. But what effect do they have on the male’s feelings about the woman and the marriage? Is it a mystery why a man who has been used by any of these means might look elsewhere?

I did not grow up in the United States, so i am going to give you advice from a different perspective.

Why does your husband cheat? First of all there is nothing wrong with your husband. The problem lies in a culture that makes people feel guilty for having sexual relations with more than one person. We are sexual beings. As far back as I can trace our history, humans have always been polygamous.

Why does your husband stay with you? Your husband stays with you because he loves you, and he has sex with other women because he is a human being.

I think it is funny that a culture that embraces homosexuality (unnatural act) condemns promiscuity (natural human behavior)

There is your answer

I’m a reporter and I’m looking for women who have decided to stay with husbands who cheated. This is for an article in a major women’s magazine. I would love to hear your story and can keep you anonymous.
Best,
Tracy

I don’t know what to do.

This is what I don’t understand. Girls who mess around with married men. What makes you think he won’t do the same thing to you once he leaves his wife/girlfriend? Think Twice about that. Once you two are finally together, in the long run he will for sure start cheating on you as well. It will come bite you in the A** and you will know what happens for messing with married men who cheat. What comes around goes around. Think again.

Reading all this heartbreak from women who have been cheated on, like some previous posters, I wonder if marriage isn’t just an institution whose time has ended. Very few marriages are any good – half end in divorce, probably 3/4 of the remainder aren’t very good.

What strikes me consistently is that the women are so focused on ME issues – how they feel, how they found out, how they deserve better, they can’t trust him, how they love him anyway, blah blah blah.

My favorites are the statements like ‘now I have to lose weight or no one will date me’. WELL WAKE UP FGS!! How many of these women have put on weight, and how many men found out they were nothing but a sperm and dollar donor when the first baby arrived and suddenly they got shut out -- sister, grandma, best friend are all there wired into the baby, but the man? Who? So she gets her babies, blimps out, ignores her husband, obsesses on the tiniest trivia involving children with her fellow uterus-heads? So the husband does what comes naturally (looks elsewhere) and heartbreak ensues.

Men are constantly accused of being assh-les when they cheat. Never do women seem to get it – if they blimp, shut their husbands out, obsess on kids, push sex way down the list because they want control and/or don’t care about it (what he cares about is not part of the picture) – the man will want to go elsewhere. So why the devastation about his cheating when you have shown you don’t care about sex or about him? This is SO COMMON and such a huge thing for men – why have none of these women mentioned it? The truth is that women want to use sex for babies, control and money, so they are ‘spiritually’ violated by cheating (loss of ability to enforce their princess demands) and shattered when the world their self-centeredness has helped to destroy comes crashing down.

First off, I am seeing comments such as "well, stupid me, I took him back" and la de da. Wait! WTF? Have you figured out why you take him back? So then you can fix it! Your heart may be aching for his bullshit and abuse but taking him back is an active choice. No playing the victim role here. He has shown you who he is and now it’s time to just walk. Walking...you learned to do it as a child so no whining that it’s too harrrrrrd.

Plus, taking a loser back along with his dumb ass excuses and lies and then blabbing about it here just makes it more difficult for the rest of us. Our men end up wondering if these women are dumb enough to take them back then maybe I will go have an affair and hand my wife the same type of dumb excuses. That just resulted in public humiliation, degradation and shame for him as he managed to try this with a karma bus driver.

For God’s sake, just knock it off. Quit wondering if he will change as he won’t and it’s not your problem. Your culpability is in staying knee deep in his crap. Yeah, I don’t have the best self esteem either which is all the more reason to get the eff out before they can rip away at any more of it. What is the logic behind – "my self esteem is bad, he beats my self esteem daily, my self esteem is only getting worse....therefore I will stay"

Huh?

And now for some humor:

http://soulmateshmoopies.wordpress.com/

It’s best to start at the bottom and work your way up.

I have cheated twice. Both times finding someone on the internet who knew I was married. Both times were extremely disturbing to me. I kept expecting the sex I remember having with my wife... and not getting that feeling at all.

I WANT SEX WITH MY WIFE.. her response is to spread her legs and tell me to "get it out of my system" Married 18 years and the last 10 have been this way. I gave up trying about 2 years ago.

So now I just try to be friends and tell myself that if I made it through puberty without sex.. I can make it through this (porn on the internet, fantasy life, and masturbation help).

While serial cheaters might be the "coolidge effect" I think that not every guy who has cheated falls into this category.

To the person that feels Polygamy is human nature, I agree. It is human nature for both genders. I like variety, excitement, and intrigue as much as the next person.

But to use it as an argument that it is normal to be unfaithful is bunk and part of the denial and rationalization that people tell themselves to get off the hook and do whatever they want regardless how it affects others.

I have nothing against Polygamy.

I just want to be notified of it.

Then I can make a decision whether I want to be part of it or not.

It is was just about human nature why have to keep it a secret?

What I am against is deceit and risking another person’s health in the name of "it is human nature."

It is human nature to kill each other also. There are laws against that.
It is human nature to drive through a stop sign...what part of biology says humans must stop for a metal sign? The sign doesn’t stop us...the consequences of a 100 dollar ticket does. Human nature by itself is DESTRUCTIVE in many cases.

On another note...why is it when I meet men who have cheated zillions of times can’t handle it when they find that their wife had one fling herself? It’s human nature to be polygamous...those guys should be more understanding of her activities, don’t you think? Where did the science argument go there? It’s biologically even more advantageous for a woman to have a number of potential "seeders" if we were to ensure propagation, not just one tired philanderer who spent his juices on a prostitute hooked on drugs who can’t conceive.... Hey...we’re just talking biology here.

It has nothing to do with science. It has to do with being able and willing to make a commitment and decision and sticking with it. It has to do if one sees people as objects or people. It has to do with how a person sees themselves...do they feel "entitled" to whatever they want? Do they feel they "deserve" it? Do they think for a second about their promises? Were they taught that what people don’t know wont hurt them? Are they emotionally immature and can’t deal with any amount of boredom or work that is involved in spicing up an existing relationship?

Even if it might be "human nature" to be polygamous, it is not human nature to deliberately put the ones you supposedly love at risk of disease or to hurt them emotionally. Where’s the love there?

If two people make an agreement and one of them breaks the agreement without letting anyone know, they are playing by their own rules.

I don’t care if a person feels controlled. There are other ways to communicate and attempt to resolve the situation besides cheating.

I don’t care if a partner gets fat...there are other ways to deal with that situation besides cheating. Or leave the relationship. Or tell your partner that you are going to cheat because they got fat. In other words, why keep it a secret if one have a "right" to do it???

How many women have to look at balding, lazy, paunchy, spectacled, husbands and still feel love for them if not INTENSE attraction? It does take effort! There is nothing sexy about being with a man that grumbles around the house all day leaving stuff to pick up after and whines for cookies and milk and dreams of massage parlors. Where’s the joy there? Or a guy that resents getting a 5 dollar anniversary gift or anything else showing some affection?

If I used "not getting any" as an excuse to cheat I’d be very busy out there. My ex was far more into intensity than intimacy and after the coin lost its shine he was fantasizing and acting on those fantasies rather than trying to polish the coin I had a damn good "excuse" to go out with a number of fellows that were HOT but chose to NOT MAKE THINGS WORSE AT HOME as long as I was IN the relationship. I finally left but I wasn’t going to have a double life and deal with all the lies and hurt I would have caused on top of things. It’s just a choice, a decision, a code of conduct, rules of engagement.

Are cheaters really afraid of ‘hurting’ someone...yeah really? NO they are usually just afraid of dealing with the consequences.They aren’t thinking of YOU and your feelings while banging someone else.

I’m just sayin’...

I love sooodone’s comments. she sums it up perfectly. I am in the same boat as all of you, my bf is addicted to sex, porn, cyber. I got real smart and investigative and found passwords and from there was totally shocked! my bf has been meeting other married men online and then hooking up with them secretively in the local parks, dark areas etc... I went one step further and created a ‘decoy’ on one of the gay sites he frequented and commenced a full out conversation with him. the things I learned about him were mind blowing. on our anniversary date I set up a date with him to meet and he fell for it. at the same time, it was supposed to be OUR [the real me] date night and he was just not responding to my emails. he can call himself bi all he wants to but really I believe he was just using me as a front to cover up his gay trolling. How sad for him to be such a coward.

My wife has no interest in sex anymore (or even intimacy for that matter). We sleep in separate rooms (she often sleeps with the kids). I am a human paycheck source and handyman around the house. She "came forward" about her childhood sexual abuse because I was "such a supportive husband" and now she can freely admit that sex disgusts her and she feels violated when we have sex. If I had known this before we married, I would have NEVER married her.

Men: if she’s been sexually abused and you don’t want to become a sexless sex abuse therapist and "best friend" to your wife, RUN (do not walk) from any woman who was sexually abused. They’re lovable, broken, sweet little creatures – but you must decide if you want a sexless life with a broken person.

I know I’ll either leave her one day or just cheat. I can’t live without sex. I’d rather be dead. I know I took vows but so did she. And yes I know sex is emotionally painful for her. So is going without sex for me.

went / am going through, a similar situation. difficult marriage. Difficult man. mental illness, former drug addict that relapsed time and again. I cared for him through the craziness... he has adhd and sometimes these types "get bored" with their families... well I would see that time and again... all the focus was on him, ALL THE TIME... forget kids, forget my needs...we would go through mini separations, ( my moms house for a few days), and I would notice that I felt happier, more relieved, breathed easier.. well after one of our fighting spells, separation "need some space" spells, I was informed of repeated adultery. And he had a friend that gave him benefits... I was hurt, but being a believer, I prayed and looked up what people do in similar situations... people can forgive, and relationships can heal... so I told him that we shouldn’t hastily end our marriage.. pray and talk things through in a couple of weeks...He said that would be good... I set a date for our talk.. and I said, " by the way, it goes without saying that I expect you to not continue your friends with benefits relationship,..." He told me that my request was out of the question...I had no right, I had no authority... never mind that we were married.... I was shocked at his response,... I thought he must not understand, so i asked him again and again, that day and several days.. and always got the same response....so that pretty much determined my decision for me... I felt that with Gods grace, I could possibly forgive an act.. a moment of weakness... but this was arrogance, and a lack of remorse... selfishness at it’s worst. And this very nature I see in the first story... he does not seem to be remorseful....He, like my husband, does not seem to value, and cherish his wife. For the children’s sake and for our sakes, a line needs to be drawn where you say " enough!"....I don’t believe that its good for kids to see moms or dads in unfaithful relationships accept being treated ill year in and year out...that is NOT ok...you need to demonstrate to your kids that you believe that you are valuable enough to have a faithful partner...that anything less is unacceptable. anyways.... today I am pissed off... there is the friend with benefit.. he lives with her.. my son has to visit them... she is currently like a step mom... it is awful...today I was told that she "....is not an enabler like you,... she is the type of person that I can be successful with...." this is the person that even his drug buddies abhorred in the end.... but I cared for time and time again....I have gone through humiliation, poverty, psychological abuse, you name it... for his sake.. and I was tossed to the wayside... which in all reality was the nicest thing that he has done for me....but still hurts...

The only way he would not be able to cheat is when you are the only woman in the world.

When the situation enables him to cheat: constantly away from you (especially if for a long time), meets other women constantly (and these women are wanton themselves), unsatisfied with the relationship (and you don’t know how to resolve it), has low morals (thinks of sex as fun), and have friends/companions who cheats or have sex with many women (so he is constantly seduced to cheat)... then he may not change. He will always cheat.

Maybe you had to live in another place and find new jobs where there will be less opportunities of cheating. Where you would be constantly together. Make him work less and spend more time together.

Maybe acting as a wanton woman would help him have more sexual interest with you (if only there is a medicine that could make you wanton). Sorry for being disgusting but... maybe arouse him while he sleeps, before he wakes up (rub his loins, touch his penis, masturbate him), be more daring (oral sex, walk nude in front of him, masturbate in front of him, buy sex toys), have sex in different places not just the bedroom (bathroom, sofa, car, restrooms, stairs, semi-private places...), and confront him sexually in unusual situations (rub his thighs while eating in a restaurant, rub and kiss his neck and chest while walking, kiss him behind the ear and whisper dirty thoughts while surrounded by friends), be more free with your sexuality, lets see if he will not get interested with you after that!

Also being happy at him while he was around wound help you have more happy relationship. Just act happy and have happy thoughts. Tell him his the best man you’ve ever meet, that he has great body, that you make him happy, that you love him... and such stuff.

Also learn how to cope with problems when they appear, so as not to endanger your relationship, there are a lot of articles about that.

Well... hope it works. Wish you good luck

After 19 months of counseling, and talking, and being loving and loved, I found that my husband has had a secret email, and I hacked it to find that he has been looking for sex on CL at least since March.

He has denied cheating, but has admitted to being attracted to other women, but not acting on this. I do not see responses that indicate that he as actually met anyone, since all of the responses so far are from websites that require one to pay money to get into the site, so that girls can be contacted.

I am not sure what to do about this. I know he loves me, but I understand that at this point he cannot stop cheating, he just doesn’t want me to know..

Wow! A lot of women in the same boat.

I am in an other boat, entirely.

My fiancee and I do not have an open marriage, but I meet with a swinger group every 2 weeks or so. I am sure my husband knows – I’ve never spoke of it but I do not cover or hides my tracks. But we are at a don’t ask dont tell junction. He knows my needs & cannot fulfill them. And thats OK. We have a great intimate marriage on all other fronts but behind closed doors --not so good. It’s due to an physical aliment he suffered years ago.
It works for us. If I couldn’t or wouldn’t give him what he needs I would want him to go and get them fulfilled.

Even better if he visits an escort or real pro.
1-they have lowest occurrence of STDs if they are pros.
2-there would be no commitment. 4-discretion is always assured.
5-no jealousy.

Good luck,
& judge not, lest ye be judged.
Nikki~

Wow, so many women... It’s heartbreaking... I’ve spent days to read from the beginning till the end. Now I know I’m not alone, unfortunately it still hurts.
I’m living in Italy with a Nigerian man, I’m 33 and from Eastern block. I met him 10 years ago, loved him like a God, left my country, my family, my job and evrth. to follow him. After 5 years of being together, I found out a secret email address with 100s of messages to and from his ex in Nigeria. From her side: all about money and stuff, from his side – all about love. He has never told me such sweet words, never in 5 years. He met her after 7 years on his trip to Nigeria and he slept with her just like that, as if I never existed.
I forgave him because he was on his knees, crying and begging for forgiveness: I would say now, ya, a nice show. But I was so young and inexperienced, so naive, that I gave him another chance. Very big mistake, Ladies, never ever give chances to a cheater!
I was young, educated, with a good job, not fat, not ugly, our sexual life was great, we have tried and experienced almost everything, so I wouldn’t know the reason, I guess I will never understand the reason why.
This summer, after another 5 years and with 2 beautiful daughters, I was having him around nagging about food, about sex, about the house, etc. My friend told me to check on his phone, in his closet and draws. I did! Surprise, surprise: he was still in communication with his ex, even though she’s married! Surprise, surprise: Viagra pills in his closet, depression pills in his drawer! What for? Why? How could he? I gave him the engagement ring back, looser! I withdrawn emotionally: cried all my tears and decided he’s not worthy. We still live together b’cos we’ve bought a house 50/50 and we are owing the bank and we don’t want to hurt our daughters, they deserve a happy childhood. But I’m out, I’m not interested in him any more. He said he had sex only once and that it was b’cos she has refused him back while in school, but he loves me. Ha! call me a complete idiot if I believe you! It’s over. I don’t want any man in my life and I don’t think I will ever need. What for? To work, take care of the children, the house, the bills, wash, cook, clean, take care of him, make sex on demand, anytime, any hour, even though exhausted or just gave birth, and at the end? Considered not sexy enough, not desirable enough, not paying enough attention, not doing this or that, pls., I’m tired. I’m a working mum who wakes up by 6 am and goes to bed by midnight. I’m always alone while he has never given up his friends, his gym, his football, his hours on talking on the phone. I can take care of myself and the love of my daughters is more than enough for me: their love is pure, sincere, they don’t lie and they don’t cheat.
I keep saving money right now, when time comes, I’ll be out. I can’t sacrifice for a man who doesn’t appreciate a thing and doesn’t love me. He notices sexy girls outside and always tells me:" I wish you were hot like them!". What an insolence! There are also guys sexier than him, so what? Keep it real, when you met me I was 23 and hot like hell! I’m now 33, 2 children, lots of work, he does not help at all, how can I be sexy again? And a man at 37 is supposed to focus on other things rather than sex and girls, a father, for the matter.
Ladies, they will cheat and lie and hide and their conscience will never disturb them: don’t take them back! If you can, run away and stay on your own, one day the pain will diminish and you might meet another person. There are still good men around, don’t waist your youth with the wrong ones. Don’t get grey hair and don’t live in stress, life is beautiful and you live it once: live it in happiness. Love you all, women, you are strong and beautiful, this world wouldn’t be the same without you!!!

I have been in a long term relationship with a pathological liar who has lived a double life for years, maybe decades, and manipulates everybody around him, his wife, his own children, his work, personal friends and his assorted girlfriend (s).

Don’t waste your time trying to "fix" a person who thinks he reaps great benefits from constantly deceiving the ones closest to him. What does that tell you about his integrity and compassion? Non existent.

Man like that play women against each other and have no real care about the pain and humiliation they expose their children to. They play the victim, makes excuses and fake remorse to manipulate you some more.

Ignore the crocodile tears, they will deceive you again, its just a matter when, not if.
You are most likely not the first woman he did this to and if you can pass on the temptation to fall for more lies, you won’t be the last.

He will likely feel very sorry for himself but not for you.

Through observing friends and people in general of both sexes, I noticed very little difference in sexual behaviors between the two. I believe its a misnomer to associate cheating with men, in fact, many women I know have or still cheat on their partners. I am not accusing one more than the other, but simply refuting the argument that men cheat based on the assumption that ‘they can’t help it’ as the above article suggests. The main reason SOME men and SOME women cheat is because they’re simply unsatisfied/unfulfilled with their lives (note: an unfulfilled life is unique to all individuals). This is an existential theory which would be difficult to discuss on this thread. Every person I know, bar none (good luck finding one), suffers from some type of insecurity or narcissistic problem caused by some underlying problem. Only when you understand the meaning of your own life (I know this sounds terribly corny! I hate myself for writing it) will you see the futility and dissatisfaction of having several sexual partners. This is why it’s called cheating, because the man or woman eventually returns to his or her partner – if they felt satisfied they would never have returned to their partners. The stories above are heartbreaking and the author of the article is right not to give advice because all relationship problems are unique.
Courage to all
Z

I have been married to my husband for 25 years, we were best of friends, had a great life together and sex was still good even after all that time, however he has had constant text and e-mail affairs and probably a lot more than I know about. The first time I found out was two days before we legally adopted our son, so I let it go and he promised me it would never happen again. I then spent the next ten years discovering more and more but. Stayed with him as my love was so strong and our son has very bad behavior problems and thought I could not cope alone. The last straw came this May when I discovered messages to a 26 year old Swiss girl he had fallen in love with on the internet! She flew over here to spend 5 days with him in London, a day after our 25th wedding anniversary. For our son’s sake we went on our last family holiday to Turkey and had the nerve to take a lap top with him so he could keep in touch with her! Since arriving home he has openly been on the lap top every night for hours on end and started dating women in this country. I have started divorce proceedings and will put our house on the Market today. The comments on this site have really helped me and realize he will never change and I will never forgive him for his cruelty towards me, but know my future without him will not be as scary as a future with him.

I want give all of the women on here some information that I learned from my serial cheating ex-boyfriend a few days ago. We had a long talk about what was going on with our relationship and he revealed that he cheated in all of his prior relationships. He says that one of his first girlfriends cheated on his and that it ‘made’ him this way. One other thing that he said that he did it to have the upper hand.

A few days later he said that he was going out with a friend. He had complained about not wanting to go out and that he was having trouble getting in contact with his friend. I asked him if he was going to be ‘good,’ he abruptly got back on his phone. I then sent him a text message imploring him to do the right thing – to think of his morals and values and not take advantage of having the upper hand.

All along he had been planning to meet up with some woman. He couldn’t look me in the eye or promise that he would be good because he didn’t want to lie. He’s cheated several times in the past, but this really took the cake for me. Everyone has their epiphany, and for the first time I’m not afraid of living without him. He could have given me a disease or gotten me KILLED by a deranged lover. He knew how high the stakes were, but he couldn’t resist being at the advantage.

All the while he knew that I was faithful to him. Every time I forgave him and took him back, I was telling him that it was okay to cheat as long as he tried harder to cover up his tracks. I lived with a man that had a password on his cell phone and sometimes came home at 3 and 4 am. I have been lucky in being able to get him to some me the truth at least on occasion.

He will never change because he doesn’t really want to. This is a mental disorder that has nothing to do with the faithful people they deceive. I didn’t help him by staying, I only hurt the both of us more. This is coming from a woman that has two small children with a serial cheater. They adore their father, but I don’t want them to get hooked to a guy that is anything like him.

I have little money, but I have unlimited support from my family and friends. My kids and I will make it through this and you can too. Life will be better for me in the future as I have vowed to get away from this toxic relationship.

I’m 31 my husband is 34 and he’s a cheating dog. I see the cycle is the same with many of the cheating husbands , they always tend to blame the woman for why they do it. I came up with the best remedy, never put your trust in a man and never give him full control over you or else when push come to shove he’ll be leaving you with nothing, unless you marry a rich man. I no longer have the desire to be married and I don’t think that I ever will. I was thinking maybe God designed men to have more than one woman. I know what the bible says but it just doesn’t seem to fit. But yet , I still have faith in god and I do still believe that he an change things. As far as changing people I don’t think so because he gave mankind free will and if a man exercises his right to be a cheater and suffer the consequences later then thats what he’ll do. At the same time I won’t beat myself up about it I’ll just move on or maybe not. Maybe I will make his life miserable by sticking around constantly spend all his money. Ladies you know the deal, get with the program we need to start dogging these men like they dogging us.

I was married to a cheater who left me for his boss who also is a cheater. Oh, what a match made in heaven..two cheaters united.

I am currently in a relationship with a cheater. I found out by reading his internet conversation history that he was giving women his cell number and asking to meet them. I confronted him and he promised to change etc. Then he went out of town for work and I caught him again (see the pattern, not only is he a cheater but an idiot as well) giving a woman in the country he is working in his phone number and talking to her via cam. When I confronted him, he told me that he never planned on meeting her (yeah right), but that he wanted her to show him her breasts on cam and wanted her to feel comfortable so that she would do it. He must think I am very stupid. So today, I will be dumping him and he can save his tears (yes, he cried when I confronted him the two times..drama king).

My approach on this is going to be a little different. I have been married for 3 years. My husband has cheated everyone of them. After separation, trying it again and again, failure of marriage counseling..I had a long talk with him. Of course he tells me...sex is just sex for me..no emotions, no strings attached..JUST ENJOYMENT. So one day I say..you know what love..you do you..do what makes you happy because your never going to change..and if I cannot be strong enough to leave than I must learn to turn the other cheek and stop crying about it. Which is true right?...who will pity anybody who stays with someone after making years and promise that are only broken that following day! So I found a site and talked to a few good men and got their views..which are much like the men on here that say...its nature. So ok thats fine. Ill compromise right? I tell him..well if you go and find enjoyment in other women, than I may find enjoyment with other men right? (not something I actually want..but to see his views)...answer was HELL NO..."if i even think your cheating ill leave you without question or concern"..interesting isnt it? So i ask why? and soo the simple fact is..he doesnt want to share me and wants nobody else to see my body..and another factor is that i can get pregnant from another man. Question remains..but you can get another woman pregnant, not?..i ask him what?.. just cuz you dont carry it for 9 months means you dont have to have anything to do with the child?...i think not..NOT IN TODAYS WORLD!..everything is about money! I have not once been with a faithful man. they have gone into extinction. Disappointing to my values and beliefs, but like I said..if we stay over and over and over again..who is really to blame for all our hurt and torment?..

My story is not different from others, we have been together for 19 years married for 13yrs. I did not imagine for one minute he will cheat on me, but it happened on and off, on and off with the same divorced woman. I confronted him many times, I left the house twice, he never admitted, I was really hurt, spoken to family & friends most of them told me to live with him but ignore his existence. the thing we are both 58 years old I do not know what to do, feel weak and empty. I do not have the courage to leave the flat and rent after all the money I spent in furnishing it,I have no energy to argue as before. what can I do (no children between us)

Ladies and Gents –

It makes me sick to read so many sob stories and how all of you paint yourselves as victims when you fail to see the common denominator here. What is the common denominator here???

Well... Most Men and Women cheat! It can be physically or emotionally or financially, but we all cheat in some kind of way on our partners. Not because we are deceitful, terrible human beings – but HUMAN. It’s just biology. We are biologically driven to partner with many different people. The problem is that this conflicts with our moral/religious codes established and reinforced by society and family. Just because they are established beliefs does not make them correct, but going against them can cause emotional turmoil.

From personal experience- I love the hell out of my wife. I also love other women. If society allowed me to share this information with my wife w/out being judged, I would. But the reality is that if I did, it would cause all kinds of emotional and marital problems not to mention having to be judged by her. (note, if you cheat on your spouse, have a big enough conscious not to mess with their head just because you feel guilty). I am working on a way to be honest with my wife and maybe get into the swinging lifestyle or something like that so there nothing more to hide. It takes a lot of time, money, and energy to keep up with all the lies and sneakiness – its exhausting!
I want to stay with my wife. I want to have a relationship with her. I don’t want to live with another woman. Just like every other married or single guy out there. I just love the thrill of banging other HOT women! "The Thrill of the Chase" never ceasing to end with men. As we get older..we tend to get dirtier. Call it what you like but that thrill is addicting and feels so powerful it is impossible for us to stop. Men are more easily bored with the same ole same and need that extra jolt of adrenaline to make the blood flow again. I actually have better SEX with my wife after a physical rondevu. I have terrible SEX with her when the emotions are down. It has nothing to do with love or how much we care about our families.

We expect to get married and cut ourselves off from the opposite sex for the rest of our lives, and this simply is not realistic. It is as absurd as choosing a best friend, and not letting your best friend ever have/make any other friends. It is simply jealous behavior. To the women who have cheating husbands- talk to them about it. Do you like being around them? Are they intimate with you? Do they share the deep things in their soul with you? Are they good fathers, friends and responsible? Then stay with them. Don’t leave them just because of a piece of ASS when you may be able to share some of his fantasies with him and get in on the action. Who knows...you may like it. However, If they are an all around ass, get the hell out. The problem with sexual fidelity isn’t the sexual part, it’s the concealment from your partner that hurts the relationship. Treat each other with respect, and don’t hold each other to impossible standards. Life is too short. HAPPY HUMPING

P.S. To women who think that there are MEN that don’t cheat. Remember this... those MEN are the minority out there. So if you leave your husband because of cheating then there is a high percentage that you will most likely end up with another cheater! And those "good" men that supposedly don’t cheat...don’t think the thought doesn’t run through their mind! It is usually because they are either too shy to pursue it, or unattractive and no one wants to FUCK them! So don’t try to fool yourselves. If you have an overall decent MAN don’t leave them because the cycle usually repeats itself all over again!

Please forgive my boldness! Don’t blast too bad..its only the truth and wish I can share with my wife someday

Hello People, So sad there are so many unfaithful men and women out there. To the cheater, you guys are real losers who can’t be man or woman enough to be honest and in the end you will lose the love and respect of your partner, The truth always comes out. I suggest you be honest with yourself and your partner if you truly love them and yourself. From my experience the cheaters are not satisfied at home for whatever reason and gets new found attention from the other woman/man and acts on it. The other woman/man usually knows that this person is married but is still attracted to them and also loves the attention, and they both usually have low self esteem, and it gets lower while together. The other woman/man thinks if they make the cheater happy enough because they’re so unhappy at home so they say, he/she will leave the wife/husband for them, which is rarely the case. Soon they realize they will never leave the wife/husband and that’s the end of that relationship, and the cheater moves on to the next pair of adoring eyes, if s/he’s attractive. This process can take years. To the betrayed spouse, I’m sorry for you having a dishonest partner. I hope you can love yourself enough to ditch a liar because your better then that unless your a liar too. When you choose to give a cheating liar chances it shows your lack of respect for yourself and that’s also very sad. You are responsible for you own happiness. Staying with a cheat is depressing so you wont be happy until you leave that baggage behind. Once you leave they will be sorry they lost your love and respect, and you will be relieved. And you will start feeling better almost instantly. I know because I’ve been in both situations. I was the cheated on spouse and that was very painful, then I was the other woman, which is even more painful. I suppose it was a learning experience and I can say that I love myself now and feel good daily. Thank God. I will try not to make same mistakes again. Enjoy Life. God bless you all.

Hi all- I have a question – my boyfriend and I have been going out since the beginning of Feb , living together since April. He was in the process of getting a divorce when I first met him and the divorce became final before we started officially dating.
We have an over the top romantic relationship.He treats me like a queen , is crazy about me, takes me away on fabulous trips , and constantly tells me he loves me.
The problem is that I was contacted in Sept by the woman who was essentially my guys "rebound"woman. She said she just found out that he’s had a girlfriend since Feb, and they’ve been seeing each other 2-4 times per month until July. I asked her for proof and she sent me lots of texts btwn the 2 of them.
When I confronted my boyfriend he completely denied having anything to do with her since January. He said that she was obsessed with him and a stalker.I left the house for the night , he begged me to come back and then took me away for an incredibly romantic weekend.

I found out 3 weeks ago that he had indeed seen her up until July – a few days before we left for a month long trip. He swears to me that he will NEVER do it again.

What are the chances of him cheating on me again if he did so during the 5 months of our relationship?

To: Serial-so-called-cheater- you son of bitch! How dare you come here and belittle the devastated women on this forum with the likes of your scummy ass! How dare you repeat the LIE that all men want women to swallow hook, line and sinker! If what you say is true men are shit and not worth a damn except for your money. Here’s what I think: I think women stay in bad relationships because the women ahead of us, in general, leave bad examples of how to handle men who behave like you. If all women would not put up with it, i think more men would step up and become better partners, but as it stands there is no accountability for men because women are on the losing end being dependent, especially if she is raising his children and he knows it. Men feel ‘entitled’ because other men cheat and lie, whether it is a father, friend or co-worker, so why can’t they too? The women stay, being walked all over like a carpet, completely disrespected and the men see this as weakness and contemptuous. Women are sociality conditioned to accept the philandering man. An analogy that I think best relates to how men see women: would be how the Muslims in the middle east only respect force and so it goes with men...they only respect other men, not women who they feel they can walk all over with impunity. You can have sex with one person it just won’t be your addicted variety with whores and prostitutes that you so crave; however, it we be sex. Do you think we wouldn’t’ also want variety if you are doing it too? But, you boys don’t like other penises in your vaginas. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander- you lie when you say you love your wife. You love your penis, and yourself, bottom line. And, while we are talking about bottoms...My advice to the ladies on this forum, don’t believe the lies this bottom feeder is spouting. Men repeat these lie often enough so that we will accept their bad behavior. Got news for you...it’s never happening no matter how much your sex addiction calls out to you. Three reasons why I don’t believe this or science about men not being able to be monogamous: 1) alcoholism is not a disease- so says science 2) God brought one woman to Adam not four 3) God made two commandments against this by saying “don’t do this!” So, take your sex problem elsewhere-we are already burdened enough with our own immature men and trying to heal we don’t need your accept our sex preaching-go to the bordello where they will have compassion for you because we don’t feel sorry for you at all.

I feel for you all! I’m still in this kind of sad situations....I keep praying to God that the world need to change for the "better". I asked God that if I ever die, I want to be a guardian angel of those victims of love to protect them. I will watch each cheaters.... that once they cheat to their spouse, something magical happens that they can never have sex again! NEVER!!!

First off, even though it’s much later, I’d like to call bullshit on Mr. Blinky. You cite some fake biological imperative, and compare marriage to a sacrifice. When a being is sacrificed, it doesn’t get to come back. If you’ve made a sacrifice, you don’t go back on that, and try to claim that it’s your biology. Rather, it means your "sacrifice" is a lie. Why promise monogamy, if you truly believe it’s biologically impossible for you to do so? There are many impulses and biological imperatives that we turn off as we see fit. That is what separates you from an animal, is that you don’t run and hump everything in site, whether you want to or not. If you’re such a shite that you’ve brought home disease to your woman, and then try to blame her for it, all that proves is that you’re a shite, nothing scientific about that. Do you run into stores and just start hammering back food when you’re really hungry? Oh you don’t do that...even though your system is saying "must get food now"..you take the time to follow the rules set before you, and go and pay and act in a civilized manner. Excuses, excuses, excuses. If you really believe in that biology, then why is judeo christian marriage a MAN MADE contract? If it is really as you say, then women didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Also, life is a cultural construct, so saying how women rate the importance of things on a scale is wrong, because those women are also rating it as they BELIEVE they are supposed to answer. In western culture, it’s not considered right for a woman to say "yes sex is my number one priority". You say we don’t look at the men’s side, and then you completely fail to look at the woman’s side of things!! I found your post downright laughable!
Now, for all you ladies. Do yourself a favour and get the hell out! Get out FOR your children! They do not need a lying, philandering father. If he murdered someone, would you say that you’re keeping the children around for a strong role model? No! You are worth more than this! Don’t let these men stomp out your self esteem. You are a force to be reckoned with! Never allow ANYONE to put you down. When you allow him to hurt you, you reinforce to both him and yourself that you are allowed to be hurt. If he tries to give you some bullshit, and crawls around crying, guess what girls...KICK HIM WHEN HE’S DOWN! When you fold and believe the tears, you just lost, and he just won! Separate your own self worth from him. You CAN do it. It doesn’t matter if you have to live in a shelter in the meantime, it doesn’t matter if you think this will hurt your children. This is about you and only you can truly change your OWN destiny. Let him cry! Let him plead, let him beg. He should have thought of all of that before he betrayed you. There’s a reason mobsters kill people they love when those people break their contracts. I’m not saying kill him, I’m saying kill his excuses, kill his dependence on you, YOU are the goddess, he is the bug. Squash it.

Too funny!!! That’s the problem...women can’t handle the truth. There is not man I know that is faithful. Not one! It’s really not about self-esteem or excuses. It’s just terribly difficult to be sexually faithful to one women. Once women can understand that then I think there is hope. Stop judging...I was only giving the male point of view because most women that are cheated on always want to know why. Go ahead and share my post with your cheating man to see if he differs in opinion.

Serial-so0called-cheater, can you please explain something. If it’s soooo difficult, as you say, then why do these same men flip out at the thought of the wife getting some on the side? If it’s a biological impossibility, and there’s no emotion involved, then they should be thrilled that their women are just off doing their thing.

Well said sooodone. I believe it is simply allowing the base animal side of male nature to take hold. We as humans must exercise restraint in a society on many levels. We cant let our every desire or action run rampant it is not spiritually evolved. This is why Tantra, a very ancient philosophy that includes practicing spiritual sexuality, enhances sex for some couples. I also agree that if a man this important to you (sex with different women) then tell your partner before you enter into an agreement with her where she is expecting fidelity from you. Its only fair she knows what she is entering into and can decide if this is the life she wants. Men are not entitled to have both worlds by deceit. One could say but women ‘know’ what men are like (cheat)but women could say in response but you men ‘know’ what women are like (expect fidelity)

So my wife and I got a divorce after she cheated on me for a second time. We have a son he was four when everything was final. Now he is nine and he favors his mother over me. We have 50/50 custody but he hardly wants to with me everything is about his mother. When she moved out she moved in with the other guy. Six months later I started dating someone else. My son started acting up in school when all of this was happening. She was engaged with the other guy before out divorce was even final. She got married the same year as our divorce and got pregnant with her second child. My girlfriend moved in after a year of us dating but my ex claims our sons behavior on my girlfriend moving in. It bothers me that even though I did everything right he still favors her so much. She gives him everything he wants and never says no while I feel that he should work for what he wants.

The question I have is should I tell him the reason we got a divorce? She told him it was because of me not doing my part in the relationship. Should I just let him think that I’m the one at fault?

Its up lifting to read positive feedback for a situation i’m in right now..Im also married to a guy who constantly cheat.. he is a great father and excellent provider but when he is out who knows what he will do..I think i stay because i take my vows seriously and i don’t want to look like everything that other females he cheated with say is true..Like he is just there for the kids, he wont stop cheating etc. I stay because when we are together i do feel the love and we have great times. I am scared because i’m smart enough to know that he probably wont change at all but a part of me is waiting on God to change him because thats what i pray for. Is it worth leaving someone you really love and only want to be with. Im very attractive and its easy for me to find another guy but thats not what i want.. i want my husband!!

to ???? who wrote on Jan 20, 2012

"I want my husband," you say. Honey, I hear the pain in your voice. But it comes down to this:

"Change what you want."

Tell me, you want a man who gives you his clothes to wash that have some other woman’s smell on them?

Change what you want!

You want a man who lets you raise up his children while he raises up for other women?

Change what you want!

You want a man who lets you toil with devotion while he devotes and toils on another woman?

Change what you want!

You want a man who does not love you? (Because honey, he does not. No matter what he says, love does not act this way.)

Change what you want!

Fun you say? Good times you have? Goodness, you can have fun and good times with girlfriends without having to put up with a man that dishonors you every time he grinds on another.

Change what you want!

How long will you eat the crumbs from this man’s table?

Change what you want!

How long until you allow yourself to find someone who will love only you, have eyes for only you, and love you the way Christ loves the church?

Change what you want!

How long? How long has it already been? How long is too long? How long will you wait? That is entirely up to you. Just know, honey, God will not change anyone that does not seek that change for himself. God gave us free will, and He will not MAKE anyone change. What you have now to decide is this: "What is the likelihood that your husband will WANT to change?" Because only when your husband wants to change and then submits to God for help, will he be able to change. That is for you to decide and only you.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you must hold up your face to God and cry, and ask Him to lead you into your life! Christ loves you and does not at all approve of what is happening to you. Will you and can you ever love again? Honey, of course!

Change what you want!

When will women learn their lesson? Women that keep on forgiving their cheating partners are the cause of our problems. When men are taught that they can’t eat their cake and have it, they will learn to be faithful. Who deceived you by telling you you have the ability to change a man.
You stay in the marriage and destroy the lives of you children psychological (and you deceive yourself that you are staying there 4 them). YOU DETERMINE HOW YOU DESERVE AND EXPECT TO BE TREATED.
What makes you think he cheated on his ex to be with you that he won’t do same to you (that could happen if you have six vaginas).
Life is too short for you to live your life in misery. How can you even invest one year of your life with a cheater. Tell yourself the truth, your feminine intuition can tell you if a man is cheating if even from the early stage of the affairs. Believe me CHEATER SELDOM CHANGE (neither are you capable of changing them).
Every man is capable of being faithful if he wants and believe me there are faithful men. Invest in your self and let him know your terms. I have a friend whose husband told me that he cannot cheat on his wife cos he left her ex 2 days to her wedding cos of infidelity and so he doesn’t want to think of what will happen if he tries it.This woman knows that she determines how she prefers and deserves to be treated.
If you think you can’t live without him, then wait until he gives you AIDS. I have an aunt who said she cannot leave cos of her children. The husband infected her with AIDS, did not tell her and he was on anti retroviral, now she is late (though he is also late)the so called children she was staying back for are orphans.
I have a blessed marriage and a faithful husband and people come around to ask me how I do it.My husband knows I love him and I can make sacrifices for him, but he also know that he has a choice of loosing me forever or remaining faithful.
If there is any thing I know, I am too precious to be treated anyhow. I am not as pretty as most women. Do your best to keep a man by:
being his best friend
be creative in bed and unpredictable
clean, neat and organized
create time for him and treat him like a king etc
Make sure you satisfy you conscience that you are not the cause and you have tried your best.
After you have done that, if he cheats on you, dump him fast (he is a time waster). There is room for forgiveness if at all only once – that is after he has paid the price.
What is the foundation of your relationship? Half of the time we know that these men have the tendencies to be unfaithful. I walked out of a relationship with a man I loved more to be with my husband. I was not looking at now but the future. What are your partners values? On what foundation is your relationship built? You can’t build a house on a weak foundation, it will surely collapse one day.

one more thing: to ???? from Jan 20, 2012

Your post has been gnawing on me all day. Something you said in your post of which I now will speak. You say your husband is a good provider?

To this I must reply: "Spoken like the true submissive wife."

Your husband has you snowed, as does maybe your thinking about what God wants for your life. Good provider? Good provider? This statement of yours borders on the utter irrational. No man that is doing this to you is a good provider, but this statement DOES tell me you either fear financial hardship should you leave, (horror of horrors), value financial security over honor. Listen, God is your provider, and you submit to HIM the Almighty. Let HIM be your provider and your comforter. He is the REAL lover of souls, the real provider, and HE will lead you to your safety, your soul, and your peace. Be strong!

"Change what you want!"

Google: sex addiction and passive aggressive men. Also be open minded about trauma and codependency caused by your husbands behavior. You may not be able to change his behavior but you can change how you feel about and react to it. If he will not seek help did his problems then know this: it may not feel like it now but you may be happier on your own and decent men do exist and you do deserve one. Love yourself and find strength in your friendships in your journey to discover if leaving him would give you peace of mind and a chance at a happier, healthier life Good luck.

i have read a lot of these and i know it hurts you feel as though your cant survive. you may even contemplate hurting yourself try to improve by loosing weight whatever you think works. truth is it was not your fault if you want to make changes in your life change for you not them i do believe some of the relationships can work out. i know they don’t deserve forgiveness but that is what it is you forgive whom ever though they don’t deserve it for those of you asking should i stay i believe you already know the answer to that question and though you feel you cant stand the thought of being alone or starting over you are strong enough to its scary at first but you get through it and don’t stay because of the kids you they are learning about relationships by watching yours remember no one can make you feel inferior unless you yourself allow them to you can find a good person who loves you they are not all cheaters. remember woman cheat too there are good guys out there some haven gone through the same thing if you continue to allow the abuse you will suffer more and become someone you don’t know dead inside empty and hate life when one door closes in your life another one opens a brighter better one if you still love the person it doesn’t matter it takes two to make it work not one you cant always be the one trying to fix it the other person has to do it themselves do what you know is right think with your head and not your heart God can have miracles happen but he also doesn’t expect you to sit there and take the emotional abuse or physical he usually is waiting on us to do our part so he can bless us with his. i have dealt with all of the above and can tell those who are scared its okay to be scared but put on your super hero and do what you already know in time you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner also when you are ready to date don’t find someone that reminds him/her of your ex your leaving them to help yourself doing that will only push you down more. focus on you and only you for how ever long remember your dreams of what you always wanted to do and do it good-luck everyone i pray my comments helped someone

I dont know if my husband is really ready to move on with our marriage. last year he started withdrawing more and more, over the years we had a lot of tension between us as he was unemployed and he is an alcoholic and I was the breadwinner, with him starting to work, it did not improve, he never bothered to support us. i felt something was wrong as he would always be on his phone, and taking it to the loo it was attached to him,
he stayed out used lots of excuses about work and not having enough money to come home as reasons for all his actions, I finally took it upon myself to put tracker software on his phone without him knowing, and it showed me where he was at the times he would be lying about his whereabouts.one day then I checked on his phone whilst he was sleeping, he had text messages between himself and a women, about how much he loves her etc, etc., loads of calls and messages between those two. I confronted him about this, and he first denied it then he got angry, then he said he never slept with her, he apologized, but then he would still continue to hog his phone, so I checked his phone billing without his permission, and he continued to call/ text her about 10 times a day, again I confronted him,
he is adamant that I have no right to have access to his phone, how am I suppose to start trusting this man, if he does not give me the access to check, is it wrong that I have checked,and insist on having access, I also came across his conversations in a chat room where he poured out his heart to an anonymous person about missing and loving the other woman, and how he wishes to be with her, I also came across his messages having cybersex with strangers on sites. He told me that it is my problem that I came across it and that I got hurt, it has nothing to do with him, what am I supposed to do here, what kind of things must I look for to be able to trust him aside from having to check his phone.

We sleep around, for many reasons.

a. Higher sex drives than our wives.
b. Desire for something different.
c. Sex at home is often with strings.
d. Your wife has seen you pick your nose, and fart whilst shaving. Its difficult to remain the suave sexy man to her.
e. its flattering than a woman other than your wife wants you.
f. women often approach us for sex. many wives don’t.
g. the other woman is generally not as fat.
h. the other woman is generally not dumping on you because you are a bad father, don’t help enough around the house etc
i. the other woman will likely suck our dick and stick their fingers in our asses.
j. We generally don;t get interrupted by children with the other woman.

Look, this silly woman took her ever cheating husband back. Many men cheat, occasionally, for any or all of the above reasons.

Girls, do yourselves a favor. Don’t think because your are married now, its ok to let yourself get fat, not make yourself interested and clearly wanting a good fucking. Even if you’ve got kids. Get over yourself it takes 20 minutes of exercise a day to stay hot.

Because others will, and we will do them.

Anne, I understand what u are going through, and know how much it hurts. Have been through it myself. Some advice re the phone, don’t keep insisting on having access to the phone, as he will only get suspicious and then u will never get hold of it at all. He will make sure of that! Just do it discreetly when u can! Keep your chin up, I know it’s tough but u have to keep going. X

Did anyone read the post by badman on 1/30/12
How absolutley ridiculous. Im 120 pounds had a very active sex life with my husband I dont ever remember bitching about anything to him over the last 12 and we used the lock on our bedroom door and still.... he cheated. He wanted someone new so he went out and hooked up with a married slut who has cheated on her husband before. The problem that I have with it is that the blame is shifted to the victim... how lame is that I cant even tell you how many times I have propositioned by men flirted with by married men they look at my chest and ass and tiny waist and instantly I turn into some steak dinner But... my devotion and love and lust and desire were reserved for the man I married and I would go home evernight and do and be and say anything he wanted... and still he checked into a hotel and had his affair. Men are just weak and that is the absolute truth if a woman even remotely looks at you it turns into an invitation and most decent women will shrug your looser asses off immediatley but its the trashy trampy not worthy for marriage sluts that will always indulge you weak ass males and there is no contended with that.

this is to the young lady who said she doesn’t want to leave bc her 4 yr old daughter and child she is carrying will not have a father. and all the bad of a single parent household. Girl, you are young and can find a "good man" to be a father to your children. i wish i would have.. your kids are young, as long as they have your love, yhey are better off than alot of kids. and to stay in that kind of relationship is deprimental to your well being and theirs. you will not be able to hind the fact that he cheats and your kids will accept it as to how life is. do you really want that????? you deserve better. no one deserves to have man to disrespect them and degrade them like that.

My husband to is no better than what is listed here. I have put myself through years of cheating and being made to first feel worthless, unattractive, and unloveable. Only to be told the next day how sorry he is, how it will never happen again and how beautiful and loveable I am. My husband has cheated over and over again for the 2 years we have been together. Every time I believe we are ok some new women shows up in our lives. I have gotten really good and breaking into email accounts and that is usually how I find out. He was in the army and wow, that is just a license to cheat. You may laugh but we are the last of the married couples from our initial unit of 45 married couples. Funny thing is 90% of all these marriages ended due to cheating, whether it was in a combat zone, a deployment or a field opporation. It is probably one of the most common divorce factors in the military. He got out and took a job away from home to better our lives, I was to follow when our son graduated from high school months later. I found through an email he was cheating again, we went through the usually gammit of lies and I have just found more emails just 3 months later. I have decided that I have had enough and will not be traveling there. I do not make enough to stay where I am as our bills here just for electric and home fuel is over 1200 a month in the winter but am sure I will be ok. He alwasys said I would end up lonely, on welfare and broke. I would rather be all three than to continually feel the heartbreak every time I find another email. I hope that one day I can rebuild my self esteem and move on but right now I just want out. Away from the pain and heart break, away from the fear of when the other shoe drops and away from him. I will find the strength and the belief that I am worth something more than a door mat. Thank you for all your stories and I hope you all find someone worth you love.

my husband is nearly 40 with numbers of fake email ids. the thing is he is in serious relations for a long time with at least 10 of his online girlfriends. i somehow happened to find out and he is pleading that he did not have any sex with any of them. he just talked and did all sort of over the phone sex fantasies with them. can’t decide what to do with my 16 years(cheating nearly 12 years)of married life with two children. though there was no evidence before but i always knew he does not exit in my family always absorbed in something else. he wants one more last chance. BUT I KNOW HE WILL NOT CHANGE. i don’t know if their will be supports for me as he is doing this online

my husband is 40. he has many fake email ids. he is maintaining at least 10-15 girlfriends simultaneously for a pretty long time. some are more than nine years. he has exchanged the possible dirtiest thing with them. now when i caught him with evidence he says that he wants one last chance. actually i am fade up because he was nowhere with me during our last 15 years of married life. he is even not with our children though he does not want to break the family. is there any legal support for this sort of online infidelity?

I am meant to be celebrating 25 years of marriage bliss next week.....However, I have found that my husband has been cheating probably over the period of our marriage. It was about ten years ago that I felt concerned as I continually caught him on porn sites. He told me he was curious and that was all. I did do some checking of emails phone bills etc etc and found he had been on a swingers site suggesting him and his wife were looking for adventure. I also found that he had been calling prostitutes on our business phone bill. When I confronted him about this he confessed that he had been with a prostitute but only once and only for a hand job! Yeah rite. While I worked in our business too I also realized that being left in charge gave him the opportunity to do this during the day and still look like he was a loving husband in the evening. He promised me he would not do it again and we both worked on our marriage for the next year. Then he seemed to have a lot of meetings to attend always made away from our place of work...I had also noticed that there was a distance growing between us and our sexual life was diminishing. I found myself checking him out feeling like a woman possessed and even when he caught me checking his phone he would say its o.k. I’m sorry to have made you feel this way and that it was not happening again. However it was and when confronted again with more evidence he gave me a list of reasons why....mostly I was to blame. He begged me not to end our relationship as he loved me and valued our family (of 5 children). He became very secretive with his computer phone etc etc. At this stage our eldest daughter suddenly died leaving our family in turmoil...In the years of coming to terms with her death our relationship has got worse. My husband now has no sexual desire with me and when I try to talk to him he is now telling me that he may have a medical problem that is causing this but refuses to see a doctor. Once again I am stuck at work holding the fort while he seems to be attending meetings most of which never are noted in his diary. I feel stripped of my dignity...unworthy and all the other horrid feelings that you get from this sort of behavior. It is so hard to pick yourself up from a lifetime with a partner that has broken your soul with lies and discreet!

My husband also been cheating like you, we’ve been married for 10 yrs,. with 3 kids 9,7, and a 10 month old baby. in that 10 years he’s been cheating every six month different woman included prostitute, yes he did also once put a profile to MATCH.COM as a single man on he’s way to DEPLOYMENT to Afghanistan. while he was there he was for begging for forgiveness and sure I did when he came home I got pregnant now he is 10 months old handsome boy. not surprised I saw on he’s phone he was texting another woman again I did count the last time he got caught and exactly 6 months ago he can hold on only for 6months and trust me no matter what they WONT CHANGE. Now for the sick of our 3 kids we still living in the same roof as a room mate but a Father and a Mother in front of our kids we both agree that we are done each other I told him to file a divorce paper but he said is too expensive so we play PRETEND between the two of us we already seperated but we both here for our kids, we both sleep seperate room.
So, yes no matter what you do they will NEVER CHANGE. for me I did stop trying. so hope you will find your way one day for the sick of the children.

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Well reading all this tells me one thing ladies, from a man’s point of view we are primates and I can speak from experience here. We love sex at least once a night before I got married my wife was a sexual animal we and she did some amazing things in the bedroom. After we got married it was still quite good for a year or two then the first child came and no it’s like the Movie (I think I love my wife) this movie is 100% accurate except for the part where he doesn’t go through with it that wouldn’t happen any normal man would have nailed her. Anyway my point is reading all these stories there’s one common element and it’s a lack of sex men need it if we don’t get it we’ll look for it somewhere else end of story. I have a girlfriend in Africa who is like my wife used to be and it’s awesome I go home and I’m lucky to get laid once in 4 weeks let alone a BJ. So there you have it ladies keep up the sex or he’ll cheat end of story.

Wow, LADIES!!! Show some self respect and dump the losers you’re with. Go into counseling ALONE and fix your low self esteem issues. Or take some lovers.

Started a relationship with a former boyfriend, who had lost my virginity to at 15. We had dated on and off had for ten years before marrying others and eventually having children and divorcing our spouses. Or so i thought. He lived in my house , i found out later, for four months while still married. I nursed him through testicular cancer, alcoholism, and supported him for three years while he was unemployed. Imagine my surprise after being engaged for three years, that he was having an affair with someone much less attractive and successful as me. We were having sex daily. I kicked him out, and he unsuccessfully made a suicide by cop attempt holding the police off for ten hours. I eventually agreed to speak to him again. For the next 467 days he texted me how much he loved me...called me daily,and yes, came to my home for intimate purposes on many occasions, all the while begging me to come back. I found out two weeks ago he has essentially been living with someone else for eight months. I forwarded his texts to me to give her a heads up...she doesn’t care and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. I know he will be back, and i know i love him, but enough is enough...guess this is the reason my mom bought that 45 by Babs and donna summer for me when i was little...I can’t go on no more no enough is enough...
can’t

Ladies: so your men have cheated on you (some of them repeatedly), yet you’ve taken them back. HOW STUPID ARE YOU??

I cheated for years.
I have changed.
I met my (now) husband through a dating site and we had an affair. He was single, I was married.
We have been together for 6 years and I have never cheated.
Things can change. I am not sure they can change and be with the same person.
My ex husband cheated on me, I cheated on him. My partner previous to that did not cheat on me, I cheated on him.
I have stopped the cycle with me, it can be done.

I am tired trying to understand. My husband proclaims his undying love for me everyday while he is cheating with some one else. He has the nerve to even tell me that he does not know what or how it happened but he is very sorry. Sorry he may be but it does not take the fact that he is cheater away. I don’t trust him anymore. I don’t even feel like being intimate with him.

I asked him how he could through away such a wonderful relationship. He just says he is sorry. Sorry my foot.

I honestly think, he just likes the fact that he has a wonderful women who supports him, that is why he does not want to leave because I have asked him to leave. He says he does not want to leave and cannot stand it if I decide to leave. Truly speaking I think I have already left it is only a matter of time.

When you think of the children and your comfort zone, the decision to leave just ain’t that easy.

The other question I ask myself is " Is there ever going to be a man out there who does not cheat” I don’t think so. So I think women must leave their partners if they do not feel anything for them any more, not for any other reason. Men will always cheat.

I wouldn’t run to say that all are created equal. I got my start looking at porn, getting it in my head that this was the way all women should be, and act, dress, etc. After my wife caught me looking at porn, and yes I cheated also, though she has never and will never find out, she was devastated, just over porn. After that day, and seeing her hurt, I couldn’t bear to do it again. I realized that I did love her, loved my children, and the reason I did it, was because I myself was lacking something inside. She is difficult at times, but the real problem was inside of me, I was not happy with who I was, and by doing the things I was doing, I was attempting to make up for it, never considering that I was hurting the people around me that mattered the most in my life. I struggle now, but I am a lot better. I just turn my head away from the trap, focus on my WIFE, and it all gets better. I love her, I have become a better man with her, but it was through my own realization of my problem, and asking for help (GOD) that I overcame it. So don’t be mislead by everyone saying "HE cannot CHANGE!" That is a lie, he can, but he has to want to, he needs the options to do so, but IF he decides to continue to be stupid, mistreating his wife, and kids, then yes, leave, but do so knowing that you did all that you could, so there wont be a "WHAT IF" after the fact. God Bless you ladies, I know what you went through, I was a guy causing the pain, but don’t give up on MEN, just the ones who continue to want to be Kids!

Well I too googled this looking to see if going to the strippers qualified as cheating but I already knew my answer, after 30 years of being married within the past 9 months he has made 2 trips a week to one of the four stripper bars here and each time he withdraws about $150.00. Well recently the day before my birth day he took $180.00 to the stripper bar and didn’t even give me so much as a card. Then within 5 days it was the day before Mother’s Day and he took another $180.00 to the stripper whore and again not even a card. So I am now seeing a Christian Therapist because I feel inadequate as a wife let alone as a woman. I am 48 years old 128 lbs. and don’t fill out a 34B bra, I can’t compete with these hot 20 year olds with their boob jobs and drug habits. I have been a devoted house wife. He spends till 3 or 4 in the morning at these stripper bars. The therapist said until I can walk away to at least put whatever he spends on the stripper whores into an account for me to be able to afford to leave. Well I am up to a $1000.00 in just one month. The worst part is I still love him. He has been my best friend for over 29 years but he is being deceitful, lying, and doesn’t see a thing wrong with it. I told him he could hire a prostitute for less.

I have concluded that my husband is sick. Diagnosis: compulsive lying and sexual addiction.
I think I am more than fed up. I have decided to walk away.

Am married for 2.5 years and have a beautiful boy baby... My husband was kinda dominating and he generally ill treats me because he thinks am from a poor family when compared to his.... he also pass bad comments about my dressing sense... on the other hand, i work on IT sector earn a lot and my friends say I look good and dress up nicely.... Initially he was verbally abusing me but he was interested in having sex with me...but after an year (baby was born) he slowly moved away...we were staying in long distance and i recently came to his place to live with him for ever..... I found that he is using prostitutes often and no longer attached to me... He scolds me as says he wants me to move out of his life... he wants to live like a bachelor.... although he is not accepting the truth that he s using prostitutes and he blames me , scolds me for what ever i do... am really affectionate towards him and i love him..... he like our kid... should i have to move out? what should i do? will he change?

Woow...Mine is exactly the same,he is a sex addict, backed up by his family from mother, sisters, and cousins. On their face, Iam their beloved sister in law or daughter in law.
ladies need to move on...not seek sympathy!!!!

i cant get over the jealousy i feel knowing he is with her

Wow!My husband is 50ys has been cheating for 15ys or more in our marriage,there is so much tension between us we do not talk any more. The boys makes me happy & I work over time to keep my mind off things them go to the gyn to stay in shape & sexy like some one said. He has been confront about it he just get angry over & over they are like a dog want us to feed them! WHAT about us. I have lost interest in my marriage

I recently found out that my husband has been cheating. I would I think have taken him back but something deep down tells me to get out while the going is good. I have been married for 16 years and plan to retrain myself to get a great job! Move closer to my parents and friends and take the lying filthy cheating bastard to the cleaners. I have great days and not so great days but I know that if I stay my life will be miserable. I will never trust him and I certainly don’t want to have sex with him.... His girlfriend left her husband because he was cheating on her with a man!! I am packing my pride and my self respect and I am done... Ladies value yourselves and show these cheating pigs you will not put up with it. Why? Because you don’t have to!

It take alots of courage for someone to confess that their cheating or have cheated.

Most people don’t have it the security to speak.

I have been married for 32 years and I remember one time when I told my husband that we need a separation because I having feelings for someone else. After one year of begin separated we got back together.. Not everyone have the courage to speak up the fact of it all is: that the cheater always gets got someone is bond to see him/her and speak. I believe is better to speak then get got in a lie.

Wow, women have it tough... dont’t we? I was just trying to find solace online and just be sure I am not alone and really I feel for everyone who has commented on this post. I have been with my husband for 8 years. At first things were really good and then we got married. I am not sure if he was just behaving himself until I was able to help him with his immigration problems but I seem to have been unhappy since two years after the marriage. I first discovered that he already has three children with two different women and whilst we were dating, he was still in contact with them. He only broke things off before we were married. After for years of marriage, I have caught him cheat on me three times (and we are in the fifth year).
What makes things worse is that I have problem conceiving and my things are not so good work wise. He is now the breadwinner at home. I am so frustrated because he knows that I know and instead of ending it out of respect for me, he continues. This woman is the first person he calls/texts when he leaves home for work in the morning and she is the last person he speaks to before coming home at night.

I thought I was trying to make my marriage work and I still haven’t told any of my family members that he has kids. I am helping him keep his and his family’s secret but at the expense of my own happiness.

I have been a very good wife and wonder everyday why he is cheating on me. I don’t want to bring shame on my family as divorce is kind of a no no in a Nigerian household.

What can I do?

I am crying inside and out. My husband of 23 years has decide to cheat and I’m so distraught. I am very aware how you are feeling. The shock, betrayal, life disruption, broken trust, and most important broken family. The lies have spiral out of control, that I cannot even tell when the truth is being told. Us as women have to stay strong for our children, we just cannot decide to not wake the next morning and say "I’m depress, no work for me today". Bills still need to be paid and children still need to be care for. With all the new hurdles in my life, wish you all good luck!

This so heartbreaking. I feel I needed to at least speak for someone out there that may feel their cheater will change. Sad to say they will NOT! I have been married for 14 years, my husband has cheated on me during the entire 14 years. I was always in denial about it. I would find text messages and get numbers off of our phone bills, call the women. Nothing would change. The women would continue to see him even though they knew he was married and he would continue to text or call them even though he knew I could see it on the phone bill. No respect. Well here’s a little more to the story. A few years ago while in the midst of his cheating he had a terrible car accident that put him in a coma. I ran to the hospital to be by his side and even though I knew he was leaving her house when this happened. As I’m sitting in the hospital nursing him back to health the woman shows up to the hospital but could not see him because I was there. No respect. After coming out of a coma, he contacted her the first chance he had claiming he was letting her know it was over. 3 years later he is back to cheating again with another set of women and prostitutes. No respect. As of today I have left him because I must protect myself. I stayed because I wanted my family. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. I had all the signs but still chose to stay. I am suffering the consequences for not making him suffer the consequences. So ladies, take a stand move on and wish them the best. I know you are devastated but they NEVER change. Regardless of the matter this is the life they enjoy living. I honestly thought time would change him, I honestly thought the accident would change. Keynote: He had a brain injury and had to learn how to walk, talk and eat. Yep, guess who helped him learn how to do everything. ME! I help nurture him back into his cheating ways. Guess I shouldn’t have showed up to the hospital when I received the phone call. Only God knows. Ladies be blessed but from this day forward. Take a stand and don’t look back. I won’t!

So many women, so many different places, so many cheating partners/ husbands... Same story here by the way. Relationship for +/-4 years. Our little baby daughter was just 6 months old when I found out that he had cheated on me several times met different women/prostitutes. Luckily for me, the house was mine, so I could put him at the door immediately. We’re now 9 months further. I still miss him as hell, I admit. And sometimes I think to myself: didn’t I take the wrong decision. Shouldn’t i have given him another change (change number X) But although my heart is still giving me the message that I love him, I know he will never change and that I have to follow my rational side. To make it even harder to swallow, he calls me from time to time, telling me I was the best that could ever happen to him. Two sentences later I hear him saying that he is now in a relationship with a girl from 19 years old while he himself is 38!! And he himself describes her as a real bitch...Whatever makes the cheating... happy, but for me it’s definitely over.

Well so far the focus has been on the cheating men.... if there weren’t ladies willing these men would have no choice but monogamy. I am 55 to old for this crap any yes I to have a cheating husband this is number 2 that is confirmed. So I ask at my age do I leave and try to find my happy?

I am a male, 26. I would like to thank all of you ladies to save me from a blunder that I was about to do. Yes, I was gonna cheat my wife. We have been married for just 3 months and had been in relationship for 4 years.

I am Hindu and during our marriage ceremony, I swore that I would keep her happy and I will not hurt her by staying committed, caring, & understanding. But yesterday I kept getting thoughts about my ex gf and that triggered a desire to meet her again & I knew if I would meet her something for sure will happen between us. I for some reason typed cheating husband in Google & came to this page and read all the stories. You know what, you guys realized me that I was gonna be called what you’re calling now to your husbands or bfs (a$$hole). I realize that I can’t betray my wife who is very loyal & nice person. I can’t hurt her. I don’t want to loose her. I don’t want her to be checking this site few months down the road or writing stuff bout me.

Before I end this comment, I will tel you guys something about men. They are assholes (but not all). If they cheat upon you, they are not worth it. I would recommend them to refrain from watching porn as that’s when your mind go crazy. Also, keep reminding them how much you love them and the importance of commitment & loyalty. And may be once in a while give them some examples of your known person who cheated on his wife (or come up with a story) & how disgusting that is.

For those women who already have got betrayed, I would say don’t get married again & stay in relationship only as it’s hard to find a committed guy. Also, don’t sleep with a man until you’re damn sure he will not betray you’re trust. TEST THEM (both married & bfs).. once in a while by creating fake accounts on facebook or email address & see how they do..

I have been married for 11 yrs now. We have a 5 yr old daughter. My husband has been a serial cheater for 10 yrs out of the 11 yr marriage. From whores to best friends...i feel he will even do a hole in the wall. The bastard even told me he never wanted to marry me, all he wants is girl friends.

I guess its some self esteem issue. Men with low self esteem do this...just to reinforce their esteem. They need women to worship them and make them feel good and then they would dump them.

My husband has a pattern. he goes for women who are dealing with relationship issues/divorce/marriage issues etc. He has even visited whores in Thailand and i am sure. he spends loads of money on these women but has nothing to give for me and my daughter.

No one would ever believe in his family that he is capable of having affairs. But he is a cheater and i have confronted him twice. He begged me to stay both times and i did.

And now, he left me 2 yrs back...my daughter was just 3 then....tough times....and so far we are not divorced...but I am an Indian and for me marriage is sacred....but i don’t think he will ever change...and even if he does, i will never love him the same way or it will ever be the same.

He cheated on me so many times.....i hate to even hug him now..its as if he is poisonous...i don’t even want my daughter to have him around her....

Cheaters never change....they are selfish individuals...and that’s the reality.

so sad that its the same story everywhere....mine cheated on me with 9 different one ot two time encounter with his friends and people that i knew. this all happened within 3 to 4 years of our marriage. and when he eventually told me, he begged me and my mum for what he did. but 6 years down the line, I cant forget the hurt, I still doubt everything that comes out of his mouth and I think he lies too. NOT sure if he’s cheated afterwards, he promised he hasnt but of course, what would he say. I hope not, but the truth is I think I’m tired of the second guessing, I lost that trust and nothing else seems right. we fight all the time now and I think it is time to move on. I also have 2 beautiful and amazingly gorgeous children for him and I do not regret that at all.
why do Men and some few Women have to ruin things...and break happy homes and our hearts and the childrens hearts.

cant they think about anything else but their pants....

makes me mad

I have been married ten years, have four children. My husband is my childhood sweetheart. My husband started to go on holidays to Cuba three times a year every year, this started nine years ago. One day a few weeks ago my husband forgot to log put of his email so I read the emails to find some photos of my husband and a girl maybe in her mid twenties sat between my husbands legs. My husband has this woman who is a Cuban prostitute pregnant with twins. My husband has been sending her emails telling her how much he loves her and how he is going to settle with her in Cuba. Because I managed to get her email address I emailed her and asked her what was going on, her reply was " your husband very lucky, he foki foki me every day he is in Cuba’
I’m so confused,please someone help me. My husband doesn’t have sex with me, he tells me he’s not well and doesn’t want the stress of our kids.

I came across this through google as well. I am however on the other end as the other man. Mainly trying to get an understanding of what she is going through. She is in a marriage of 12 years, 2 children, and a mentally abusive, cheating husband. She says he first started cheating 6 months into the marriage while she was pregnant with their first born. While her and I really haven’t done anything other than have drinks and discuss our feelings openly with each other. We both are extremely attracted to each other to the point of torturing ourselves by not doing anything about it for the moment. She wants to leave but, doesn’t know how to survive without his income.

It’s to the point of being unbearable to not just grab her in my arms and kiss her. I refrain myself only because I respect and care for her more than my own feelings and don’t want her hurting more than she already is. The worst is having to go to work and see the look in her eyes and the smile she gives me as if she was a child waking up on Christmas morning every time I see her.

too sad for me to handle sorry!!!!

As a male who has experience the other side of this (yes, women also betray), it is amazing to hear how many articles seem to single out males as the evil doer in relationships.

I’ve fought hard for 5 years to keep a family of 3 young children and a cheating wife together, despite her continual betrayals, lies and contentious attitude.

Indeed, her life is a constant search for the next "thrill", not recognizing that marriage takes work, compromise and tolerance on both parties. While not always easy, the concept is simple – follow the golden rule, folks.

For those of you (male or female), going through a marriage with such betrayal, recognize that the split is inevitable – plan wisely for your own sanity and future. If you have children, it is critical that you come out of this situation as stable and sane as possible.

God Bless.

To Richf

To be a part of cheating on another man’s family is despicable – there are plenty of fish in the sea, you are taking the easy way out.

My soon to be ex came up with all sorts of lies which she shared with mutual friends to justify her multiple affairs. Our mutual friends recognize this is bull. Don’t be confident that a person willing to betray a marriage is telling you the truth.

Do the right thing...

Funny, taking the easy way... I said I haven’t done anything with her yet. To me that has been the hardest thing in the world to do. I’ve been in your shoes and have had to raise my daughter alone because of it for 7 years and in 7 years yes, I have dated but, out of the entire time I only introduced my daughter to 1 person I was seeing. and that took 2 years of dating. While I should probably go into more detail about her and my conversations (which that’s the only thing I’m guilty of) I will leave it at this, you cannot choose whom your heart is attracted to.

I cannot believe how many posts here. I lived with a cheater for 5 years. First 2 years were great. He remained faithful. He appeared to be a great man. Emotionally. Sexually. And hooked me in.
Then suddenly, we had been having problems with his older son and he switched. He started running around with a married woman across the road. Said they were ‘just friends’. That she accepted him. She insisted they were friends, and despite his covert abusive behavior at home she told him and me I was his problem. I did not want to believe this was happening because i was so in love with him.
Cut to the chase. he treated me like shit for 18 months. I did not understand what was happening. Cos the pair of them were lying. And her husband was in total denial. Screwed my head in knots. What a terrible cruel way to treat someone. Having an affair right in front of your face. In front of my daughter who was eight. He was also drinking heavily.
Anyway I moved all his stuff out of my house and stopped seeing him. As I could not take his behavior any longer. I did not see I for 6 months. Then he started leaving little messages, and putting notes through my door. And said it was the best relationship he ever had. And would i try again with him. I took him back for another 18 months, on the basis he would live in a different county (I am in the uk).
We carried on our relationship always traveling to see him. it was much better. Though still no honesty about his affair. Still kept on defending her, and keeping stum. I refused to go on a 9 day holiday with him because of his denial. And I never saw him again. He went on a project in Africa (he’s an engineer), and rang and announced he met a woman out there and was going to the far east with her. Well that did not work out. This was 5 years ago.
Since i refused to see him – since that time, as a single woman, I rebuilt my career, I raised my daughter in a peaceful, stable atmosphere. And I have lots of great friends and holidays and peace. I also got into relational recovery to look at my part in my attraction for a man like this. I would recommend slaa or a similar 12 step group. 12 step recovery has been fantastic also.
I was in terrible pain when we split. And ruminated about the whole terrible ordeal for at least 2 years. That’s gone now.
I heard he married someone 2 yrs ago, when he had known this person just weeks. A year later they had a baby. I feel disgusted. He already has two boys, 14, 17. He hardly ever parented or saw. Even though he made such a fuss about ‘his children’. He did not want to put in any hard work of parenting, he just wanted his kids to accessorize him and could not cope with looking after them or having a proper relationship with them. He was sr more interested with charting up women and seeking attention from them. Very sad.
I know he will eventually do the same thing again with this wife. I am so glad I did not have a child with him. He parted saying i was the love of his life, and that his punishment was a life without me. What a crazy way to live and behave when you say you feel like this about someone. He spent 2 years trying to get me back. I could not trust him. And although I forgive him, I did this because I realise he was mentally ill. as there was so much crazy, irrational behavior.
I learnt a lot of lessons from this. Being on my own was really hard at first. Though I would never want to go back to the sheer anxiety and fear of living with someone who made my life so miserable, chaotic and unstable. I could not parent my daughter properly for 3 years because of the pain i was in during this.
I would rather be on my own and have my freedom than live like this. I feel sorry as clearly this man cannot love, and will never love. And I know I can. And that is greater gift than anything he has now. My advice, if you are with a cheating man. Get yourself some boundaries and self worth and leave. It’s the best think you will ever do. As someone said in these posts. Do you want to be in a nursing home remembering years of this kinda badness and shame. Its totally toxic, and frankly evil. Walk away sisters.