Past Comments – Should I expose someone who is cheating

Yes I Called His Wife
written by Tiger, 12 April, 2007

I was sure he was divorcing her. He had cheated on her before. He kept communicating so I would not tell. She had a right to know – then to make up her own mind. It is horrible to lie to your own wife – no matter what the intent is.

written by guest, 27 April, 2007

I think this is a very fragile situation. I think you might consider counseling alone or with you sister since your dealing with different types of grief.

written by written by shattered , July 09, 09 July, 2007

Yes and No I believe you should confront him and tell him that you know about the affair and he has 24 hours to tell her or you will with him right in front of her so there should be no blame upon you. Honesty is the best policy I believe now.

written by Expose the cheater!, 24 February, 2008

I ran into my friends husband while he was out with his affair. After thinking about it for a week I decided to call his wife and let her know. The affair was stopped cold in it’s tracks and they were able to salvage their marriage with new tools and insight to improve their love.

I found out that others saw my x and his affair out on the town, but not until after I divorced him. Why didn’t anyone bother to let me know. I may have been able to save my marriage too before he got in to deep.

written by glad someone told me, 01 October, 2008

I got the anonymous letter in the mail. The best and worse day of my life. Confronted husband, and we recommitted to our marriage. He broke off affair. We are working a program and have made progress healing the wound.

written by nolies, 06 November, 2008

She deserves to know. I wish somebody would have told me I would have ended my marriage much earlier.

written by chrisC, 25 November, 2008

I know my daughter is cheating, and you could not ask for a more loving husband than who she has deceived.
The thought of what will happen when he finds out, breaks my heart, and I would like it over, so he can move on and do what he wants to do. Still I wait.....

written by The Wife, 28 November, 2008

To chrisC, how do you know if your son-in-law has not done something to cause your daughter to step out. I am not siding with your daughter in any way, infidelity is wrong! Why don’t you talk with your daughter about her situation and try to find out why she is doing this. Why do you want your daughter’s marriage to end instead of seeing them resolve their issues. Do you live with them to actually see what is going on or are you on the outside presuming what is going on in their marriage? Are you jealous of the relationship, your daughter having a loving husband? Are you married, single or divorce? Why not help them? How old is your daughter, maybe she’s immature? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but it concerns me, in addition to the cheating that you want their marriage to end and for the husband to move on! Move on with who, perhaps YOU!

written by Guest, 30 December, 2008

My brother-in-law is a cheating pig. He’s cheated a number of times and has avoided being caught most of the time. He was caught last year and my sister moved out thank God. Then, like a fool she moved back in and is just as unhappy. I know he’s still cheating on her. She refuses to listen or believe that he’s still seeing the same woman. I wish he would just let her go!

written by Nadine Lockhart, 18 February, 2009

I recently emailed a man about his wife cheating. Everything was verified by him in the later months and what happens to the marriage is up to them; however, I have to say that if I ever exposed an infidelity again, I would do it anonymously. I mistakenly thought by signing my name, I had some integrity, but it ends up that the exposer is treated worse than the cheater. They are questioned as to their accuracy, honesty, and motive, while the cheater is placed in some bubble of denial by the cuckold spouse. What I thought was mildly amusing is the spouse had already decided who I was after maybe a twenty minute phone call, yet knew nothing of his wife’s extracurricular activities after forty years. I was basically reporting a pattern of infidelities and although everything was verified, I still feel bad about myself--I’m sure the cheating spouse doesn’t AND they got laid!! It is no fun approaching someone, and yet I was even accused of relishing it!! The irony was that I was trying not to be morose when revealing the incident so that the cheated-on spouse wouldn’t feel even worst!! They misread me or projected, but I’ve been depressed and wrestling this ever since. I don’t want to be part of the herd, a sheep who says nothing, so my compromise is next time, and I hope there is not a next time, I will remain anonymous, which I see as cowardess, though not as much a coward as one who says nothing. Someone else might have a different opinion. We all have to live with who we are, and I guess in my life I would have been better served if others had been more truthful with me in relationships. Even my best friends would never reveal things they knew, saying you wouldn’t believe it anyway--yeah, blame the victim when I was cheated on, and then, kill the messenger when I expose a cheat. I need to opt out of the human race’s race for awhile.

written by crazysouthernchic, 26 March, 2009

I recently told a wife that her husband was having an affair, he found out it was me and ruined my reputation by spreading lies at work. I had to quit and move away, but I would do it again in a heartbreak. She deserves so much better than that lying cheat.

written by steven.pitts1, 03 April, 2009

My wife is cheating on me with another married man, I confronted her about it and she denied all, but now I have proof. I am not sure how to approach her about this, I know the marriage is over, but still having a hard time admitting it. Should I tell his wife too?

written by..., 27 April, 2009

I reconnected with an old "friend" (we use to date) and he’s now living in another state. We’ve been talking for a year..phone affair, but recently it turned in to more. I was sure he was going to divorce his wife, but now he hasn’t called me since our weekend together. Should I tell his wife and how can I do this anonymously.... I’ve already told my soon to be ex husband. (It was in the divorce courts before the affair happened) But his wife deserves to know. He lied to me, or I would never have gone there.

written by lshe, 10 August, 2009

My brother’s girlfriend is cheating on him, she told me herself, and now I’m not sure what to do. They have been together for 9 years, since they were 15 and 13, she is my childhood best friend and so obviously feels like she can tell me stuff like this, even though its my brother she’s cheating on! I feel like i’m in a bad situation, as i know my brother and it will break his heart, and i don’t want to be the one to break it. But i can’t continue to stand by and watch her make a fool of him. I’ve told her to end it, and she said she will...but nothing has happened yet. Any suggestions?

written by Love, 26 August, 2009

I am in love with a married man. I have been in this relationship for nearly a year. I have never felt so loved and adored by another person besides my mother in my entire life. I have thought about helping him out of his pitiful marriage, but I want him to come to me of his own choice or at best his own "doing". Either he is going to get caught or living the lie will become unbearable for him and he will tell her and leave.
We make our own beds! They are ours! If a spouse goes out inquiring about their spouse’s activities and has suspicions and goes seeking help in finding out if their radar is working then great-let them know....otherwise let nature take it’s course. Because believe me it will one way or the other and the outcome will be as it should be as well.
We are dealing with human nature and the human condition. We are not perfect creatures and even the very best of us and those with the highest morals have found themselves in these situations...predicaments caused by matters of the heart. Don’t mess with nature!
I love this man with all my being and would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life giving him the love he deserves. I have the means to expose him to his wife and the smarts to do so without him knowing it was me, and believe me I have entertained these thoughts a lot! But, I will not make such a choice for anyone.

written by Sincere, 11 November, 2009

My boyfriend of over two years has been cheating on me, and is planning to leave me for the "other woman." She can have him, as far as I’m concerned. My intuition tells me that he has deceived her too, however, and I would like to warn her somehow.

He has been sexually reckless. I don’t know what diseases he has exposed us to. I know how devastating the revelation is, I’m heart broken, but if I were in her place, I’d want to know.

Is there a way to sensitively and anonymously (if he knew I was interfering, he would somehow or other discredit me--he kept me snowed for years) inform her?

written by marv, 22 November, 2009

Don’t do it. It will blow up in your face. You will be seen as the bearer of bad news and treated as such. The three people involved will work things out without your help. She will find out on her own when she is ready. Men cheat, it’s a given. I think most people know that. All I’m saying is that your sister is probably not as unaware of her man’s behavior. I suppose if she asked you for advice it might be different. Stay out of it or you’ll regret ever having opened your mouth.

written by moira, 17 December, 2009

to the poster who asks if he should tell the other person’s wife -- YES! I just discovered my husband has been having an affair with another married woman for the last 20 years (we’ve been together less than 10) and the other woman’s husband has known about it for 4 years now. He could have saved me a lot of grief if he hadn’t been complicit in their lies.

written by miranda1960, 28 January, 2010

The ‘messenger’ always gets shot after exposing an affair. My son and his wife had been married less than a year when it became apparent in her attitude to my husband and me that she was withdrawing from us. Alarm bells rang for me. Several months on I found out my daughter in law was pursuing an ex boyfriend and also seeing another man! She has the opportunity to do so as she travels with her job. I kept this discovery quiet for a few weeks but after many sleepless nights and panic attacks, I sent my daughter in law an anonymous text message threatening to expose her to her husband. I thought she would assume it had come from her ex boyfriends partner, and back off. However, she showed the text to my son and persuaded him that she had only ‘bumped into’ her ex one time and gone for coffee. He believed her. My son told me that she was convinced someone was stalking her and was in a dreadful state. I told him that she was, in fact, seeing two men but he just made excuses. He didnt really want to know HOW I knew either. I think it’s called being in denial. He is now in the middle as he adores his wife but loves me. Now, he is trying to keep myself and my husband from visiting his house as he says that I wont feel the same about his wife (how could I?). It’s a dreadful situation but, in hindsight, I dont regret texting her and her affairs coming (partially)to light. At least my son now has some idea of what she does when she’s away from home and ultimately he will have to deal with it. My personal worry is that she will become pregnant and will try to convince my son he is the father. Thank God for DNA tests.

written by lee kiy, 11 March, 2010

I found out that my former partner of 20 years was seeing this man, gathering reports and her fbook status, i take it to be 6 months at least. when i confronted her about it, her response was "I broke it off with you a long time ago" lol. guess its her way of easing her guilt. we were together at christmas and again last month, sexually. she still won’t admit it. we are both in an emotionally fragile state. i have a feeling she wasn’t being honest with both of us. i sent him an email recently, having found out his name by one of our children of all people. i told him to "treat her good, she is emotionally fragile, and best of luck" I’m sick of being ignored like my feelings dont’ matter at all. i was dismissed as a busybody, none of my business. my ex and i still communicate, its still a bit of an emotional affair, flirting. she knows i still love her and she takes advantage of my feelings, perhaps thinking she can always come home if it doesn’t work out. my guess is the other guy is having an affair as they seem to disappear on weeknds, clues? no texts. I think it was the right thing to do. i could’ve been nasty and told him that we had sex just last month but i kept it brief, to let him know that i’m aware, didn’t say who i was, but i’m guessing he knows, i gave him the choice to tell her, it’s out of my hands. if we’re both being lied to, then my ex deserves all the bad karma that comes her way. sometimes i still fall back with sweet talk but i’m fighting to stay away. tough times but i feel better, at least this other man knows i actually exist and there are family/families who are mixed up in this in the end. what do you guys/girls think?

written by 2_much_logic, 15 March, 2010

Hello, LOVE, this message is for YOU. It is obvious that you’ve confused the "Falling in Love" with the day-by-day act that true requires. You’ve confused the NOUN "LOVE" with the VERB "LOVE."
BTW aside from your absence of MORALS in the affair, you are mistaken that the man you’re so in Love with will invariably leave his wife? The statistics are not on your side! Sorry ‘bout that LOVE! You need to find a single man and properly get on with him. YOU ALSO NEED TO FIND A NEW SET OF MORALS, yours are NON-EXISTENT!
So you think that exposing him to wife would make a difference
insofar as your concerned? Again the STATs don’t bare you out.
The best thing that you could do is to grow a backbone and END ANY RELATION you have "created" with this man. Leave him and his wife either work matters out and if not they’ll divorce and
you’ll have a CHANCE to "HAVE HIM FOREVER!" But be forewarned that any behavior that he displays to his current wife, he WILL
EVENTUALLY DISPLAY TO YOU!!! That is once a cheater always a cheater irrespective of YOU being with him "FOREVER!" GOOD LUCK! AND BTW IF I WERE YOU I WOULD THINK ABOUT ENDING THE AFFAIR PROMPTLY AND DOING ALL I COULD TO HAVE A little INTEGRITY
IN MY LIFE. OH and I wouldn’t be too quick to blame his wife for a "Bad marriage" it takes two to tango? Here’s hoping that hell is not hot enough for you and him!

written by TC, 16 April, 2010

TELL whatever way you can let the innocent person know. No One told me...actually I believe God led me to it at the right time for me. Too long to explain. As we tried to heal our marriage,"the other woman" stalked ME after she was told it was over, sending me letter thru the mail, harassing phone calls. She is psycho. She also kept harassing my husband. She has done this with many married men. Not sure how many wives she has harassed.

written by Kevin in Centralia, 22 April, 2010

Just recently discovered my wife was cheating on me, with my brother in-law. I found this out on my own. My wife told me that she had told her friends about it, and even her mother knew about it. Every time her mother came over, she would act as if nothing was wrong. Never did like her (she does drugs and all). I wish someone would have told me, as this was going on for 6 months! I can never trust her friends, at least the two that knew. I will never trust her mother, and now have a larger wedge between us. I have however forgiven my wife and we are in the process of reconciliation and working this out. THIS SUCKS!!!

written by Recovering, 02 May, 2010

If you are involved with a married man or woman, you are deceiving their spouse and are equally responsible for the affair and devastation it will bring to the other spouse and more importantly, to the innocent children. How dare you actively pursue a married man or woman, there is a complete lack of integrity here.

written by..., 05 May, 2010

Women who carry on... as they say with married men are scum! I am one of those innocent children and it has ruined my life! You are effectively caught between the two people you love most in the world and ‘her’! Still tying to find love for a man you have always adored while your mother and sister cry every day and night, ‘cos daddy’s not come home yet’ is destroying! Then hearing ‘friends’ mouth wateringly collect the gossip that is your devastated life! I am losing my home, my security and my everything! He’s my daddy...not your new boyfriend! Why have you done this to us! Please... cheating men and women... don’t let this happen again! Don’t stay together for the children... they get it two fold back in pain!

written by guest1, 12 June, 2010

I exposed my husband’s affair on the internet for all to see so that when someone read it, they knew it wasn’t a lie and that she KNEW he was married. Of course she had the nerve to get pissy, claimed she was suing me and asked others not to judge her. What a joke. I exposed him differently. But they both got what they deserved. If you don’t want to get burned, stay away from the fire. Otherwise, own up to what you’ve done. For the original poster, expose him. Your sister may get upset but eventually she will get over it. She will be more upset with you for not telling her once she finds out you knew about it.

written by Had unfaithful husband, 12 June, 2010

To all of you who question exposing the cheater, the answer is to do it. The only way to combat a lying cheat is with the truth. The relationship is already damaged by the cheater they should face the music. The victim should always know what they are really involved in. Let them make informed decisions about the relationship. My friend did not know her husband was cheating and she got an incurable disease from him. The same thing happened to my sister in law, she is dead now because of the disease she got from the cheater. Expose them, expose them, EXPOSE THEM!

written by Devastated family.., 14 July, 2010

I have been in an unhappy marriage for years and always known we would separate, just not this way. Both our mothers live with us and two adult children and because of my cheating (ultimately this is ALL my fault) and an anonymous letter to the house everyone’s lives have been devastated. Now Again... I know this is my fault.. I cheated.. but to watch everyone suffer like this goes way beyond me. I have absolutely no idea who sent the letter, which has forced me to tell my boss, my friends, everyone whom I think this person may contact next. I’ve closed out social networking sites for fear the letter will show up there.. (oh.. my email was hacked and so I’m assuming this person could hack other sites).. I really don’t care who knows about me.. I just don’t want anyone else in my family to be humiliated by this.. I’m not sure who this person was trying to hurt.. me.. my husband.. but my husband blames himself and wants to reconcile.. I can’t forgive myself and refuse to even think about reconciliation.. I remember thinking to myself the letter looked funny.. even showed it to my mom before handing it to my husband.. wow... Anyway.. really think about who all will be hurt before you send a letter like this.. it’s not just the cheater.

written by unknown, 19 July, 2010

okay... here’s a good one.. the guy I just broke up after 1 1/2 relationship. had been having sex with his aunt by marriage. Now this is his dad’s brothers now ex wife.. but they had sex before the marriage was resolved and while we were together. I personally think it’s SICK>>> my question is do I advise the uncle or not since it is his now ex wife and his blood nephew... and if I do what is the rest of his family going to think.. needless to say I found this out along with A LOT of other stuff and that would be the reason we are no longer togethers

written by feeling terrible, 28 July, 2010

my boyfriends brother just broke up with his girlfriend again, hes messed her around for years and has slept with at least 6 other women whilst with her. we went shopping and she was clearly heartbroken over him, so i opened my big mouth and told her she was better off as there have been more other women than the one she knew of. i only told her about 2.
now i find myself in big trouble with the family and accused of all kinds of malice and trying to break them up when they already were... im fairly sure she has turned against me as well... my advice is keep your mouth shut if its ended, won’t do anyone any good especially you.

written by Minami, 10 February, 2011

It depends on the person. Do they want to know? Someone who keeps going back when all the evidence is right there, does not need y(our) help. If they want, they will come and ask. Don’t just tell, ask them what they want to do. Two friends of mine have betrayed me as well and after I talked to my parents, and uncles and friends and a lady from the church about it, they told me to let it go. If you don’t want to get in the middle, just say... You know in your heart what you should do or send them to a wise person.

written by nancy, ill, 28 July, 2011

This is sick...People who cheat need to be absolutely humiliated and exposed..No reason ever why two people cant sit and talk it out and even if they have strayed for a day, they should have the nerve to sit and talk and forgive and learn to move on....If it goes on for long, EXPOSE them.. they deserve it... Have guts ladies and men, this is what will be a deterrent.... I feel even exposing the pictures i have of an affair that affected my family... what say? The girl with the married man needs to learn... before she settles down...

written by A cheater’s wife, 08 August, 2011

Yes, expose the cheater! They can’t get away with it! They are having fun while the spouse is the victim.

EXPOSE HIM/HER.

written by Sad friend, 14 August, 2011

I recently came to the decision to confront my married best friend when I found out that what I thought was an innocent meeting of her first boyfriend (they saw each other at a funeral), became an actual affair and rekindling of their previous romance. They reconnected via Facebook and it escalated (folks, be careful there!). I did confront her (not in a threatening way, but hopefully in love), and she left the guy and just recently told her husband. They are separated, but in counseling. I am praying they work it out for their sake and the sake of the kids.

She is angry with me as I think she had wanted to continue the double-life and she really loved him, but in the end I hope the marriage will be restored. Time will tell. Our friendship is suffering (she is reaching out to other friends for accountability and is hardly speaking to me), but I realize this is not about me – it is about them getting the healing they need in their marriage and getting their house in order. I took a risk and may not be for every friend to do, but hopefully it will turn out for the best.

written by Becka, 26 September, 2011

None of your business. Maybe she knows, maybe they have an understanding. It’s only going to end up with her being mad at you.
Besides, it’s his business if he’s cheating, not yours. All these people saying that the spouse is the victim, yadda yadda yadda, not necessarily true. I remember everyone in my family being shocked as hell when they told me what they found out about my husband. Because I knew all along, it wasn’t a secret, we had already talked about it, it was none of their business, we didn’t share with them because I didn’t think they could handle it and I was right. Everyone acted like I was a fool, but why? We were no longer compatible, but we have a good friendship and comfort level, why would I give that up because he has a girlfriend? I’m in a relationship myself, I was just more discrete. Opening their mouths put them in the middle of a situation they dind’t understand and really didn’t want to know anything about. Once it all came out they were the ones that felt awkward.

written by Friend is cheating, 21 October, 2011

A true friend would tell. I have been on the other side and would have loved for someone to have told me. Right now I’m in a strange situation where one of my friends is cheating on his current girlfriend. I don’t know her, but don’t want her to get hurt. She has three kids and knowing him, he is telling her what she needs to hear while cheating with whoever he can behind her back. Should I let her find out on her own????

written by tsmith650, 17 November, 2011

I have recently been cheated on, and it was so much more than just an Affair. He worked away for 6 months, and I would send him care packages that would take me days to bake, or buy him his favorite treats, I even went to visit him a few times and cleaned the place he was staying at. It turned out his roommate knew, I have known him for 4 years and he didn’t speak a word. I cooked him and one of his friends and his boss thanksgiving dinner, they all knew. His roommate brought this womans best friend over to meet me for reconnaissance I assume. I had been with him for over ten years, cared for him, cleaned, worked and took night classes to increase my income as I made much less than him. He even let her move into his place. He would call me and tell me he loved me while sitting next to her. He talked to me when he took her out for dinner. He made things up about me to these people to make me look like I was treating him poorly. It turns out this woman has a boyfriend in the uk as well. I have the means to contact him, but the fact that I have overstepped by boundaries by speaking my mind to these people about their betrayal has made it difficult for me. His roommate actually congratulated him after they had sex on several occasions, I feel so horribly violated. Should i expose her to her spouse?

written by crazygirl, 20 November, 2011

I recently learned my husband of one month has being lying to me...well let me start off by saying he works out of town. We have 4 small children. He has been going to the bars a lot after he tells me he is going to sleep for the night. I came to find this out because he pocket dialed me and he was bragging of his nonsense to a co worker...he was starting to talk about this chick and how he was black out drunk when the phone cut off. He says he has never cheated. I want the girls number to confront her but he says he doesn’t know her that she was just going to give him a ride back to motel because his rude had just been arrested for a dwi...I just want the truth and am loosing my mind. I have just asked god for a sign if the truth.

written by SerialSoCalledCheater, 23 November, 2011

Ladies and Gents – i am posting the same thing I wrote in a similar discussion. Quick advice to the original poster. Don’t do it! Stay out of it and keep your nose in your own problems because what will most likely happen is that they patch things up and you will end up the rotten apple of the bunch!

It makes me sick to read so many sob stories and how all of you paint yourselves as victims when you fail to see the common denominator here. What is the common denominator here???

Well... Most Men and Women cheat! It can be physically or emotionally or financially, but we all cheat in some kind of way on our partners. Not because we are deceitful, terrible human beings – but HUMAN. It’s just biology. We are biologically driven to partner with many different people. The problem is that this conflicts with our moral/religious codes established and reinforced by society and family. Just because they are established beliefs does not make them correct, but going against them can cause emotional turmoil.

From personal experience- I love the hell out of my wife – well, sometimes. I also love being with other women. If society allowed me to share this information with my wife w/out being judged, I would. But the reality is that if I did, it would cause all kinds of emotional and marital problems not to mention having to be judged by her. (note, if you cheat on your spouse, have a big enough conscious not to mess with their head just because you feel guilty). I am working on a way to be honest with my wife and maybe get into the swinging lifestyle or something like that so there nothing more to hide. It takes a lot of time, money, and energy to keep up with all the lies and sneakiness – its exhausting!
I want to stay with my wife. I want to have a relationship with her. I don’t want to live with another woman. Just like every other married or single guy out there. I just love the thrill of banging other HOT women! "The Thrill of the Chase" never ceasing to end with men. As we get older..we tend to get dirtier. The thrill of that lustful feeling when being or the idea of being with someone new is intoxicating! Call it what you like but that thrill is addicting and feels so powerful it is impossible for us to stop. Men are more easily bored with the same ole same and need that extra jolt of adrenaline to make the blood flow again. I actually have better SEX with my wife after a physical rondevu with another women. I have terrible SEX with her when the emotions are down. It has nothing to do with love or how much we care about our families. If the relationship with our significant other is good the majority of the time then it’s usually something physical we’re after so we can satisfy the hunger of touching someone new. It’s almost animalistic in a sense and it’s harder to control for some of us men. And it is a natural feeling that we tend to fight when in a monogamous relationship.

We expect to get married and cut ourselves off from the opposite sex for the rest of our lives, and this simply is not realistic. It is as absurd as choosing a best friend, and not letting your best friend ever have/make any other friends. It is simply jealous behavior. To the women who have cheating husbands- talk to them about it. Do you like being around them? Are they intimate with you? Do they share the deep things in their soul with you? Are they good fathers, friends and responsible? Then stay with them. Don’t leave them just because of a piece of ASS when you may be able to share some of his fantasies with him and get in on the action. Who knows...you may like it. However, If they are an all around ass, get the hell out. The problem with sexual fidelity isn’t the sexual part, it’s the concealment from your partner that hurts the relationship. Treat each other with respect, and don’t hold each other to impossible standards. Life is too short. HAPPY HUMPING

P.S. To women who think that there are MEN that don’t cheat. Remember this... those MEN are the minority out there. So if you leave your husband because of cheating then there is a high percentage that you will most likely end up with another cheater! And those "good" men that supposedly don’t cheat...don’t think the thought doesn’t run through their mind! It is usually because they are either too shy to pursue it, or unattractive and no one wants to FUCK them! So don’t try to fool yourselves. If you have an overall decent MAN don’t leave them because the cycle usually repeats itself all over again!

Please forgive my boldness! Don’t blast too bad..its only the truth and wish I can share with my wife someday

written by Justtellthetruth, 30 November, 2011

To tsmith650 – yes, I think you should expose him.

I’m about to expose a mm to his wife via an anonymous email. It feels unfair to do it this way, but he won’t tell and she has a right to know. Their mutual friends, his work mates, their neighbors all know. Yet nobody confronts him or tells her. It makes me feel disappointed with people who clearly "don’t want the hassle" or somehow think it’s worse to expose a lying cheat than it is to be a lying cheat. Come on people, get real.

written by SerialSoCalledCheater, 30 November, 2011

Read above. Stay out of it and worry about your own life. Just a suggestion.

written by debbiedowner, 15 December, 2011

My ex cheated on me and had done so several times over the course of our 20 year marriage. Many of his co workers and friends knew and never told me. He and his latest affair partner passed on an incurable STD to me. His affair partner and co worker is also married and because of the STD issue i informed her husband of their affair. First, because i believe he had a right to know his health was at stake. Second, because she told my ex that her husband would never believe that she could or would cheat on him. I’ve since learned that she has had additional affairs including an on going affair with a pedophile since she was 15 years old, and even had a couple of abortions as a result of these affairs. I am quite certain her husband is unaware of this information. They have 2 daughters and he would be shocked to hear of this information and that his daughters could have been exposed to the pedophile over the course of their married life. I believe he needs to be to told this news so that he knows that she is not who she claims to be, and that he and his daughters health and well being continue to be at stake.

written by jjwlf, 12 January, 2012

@SerialSoCalledCheater
As a woman...and currently as "the other woman" (hiss, hiss...BOOOOOO!!!! LOL), I have to say I am impressed with your candid honesty! You probably are the voice for many a mute husband out there who, although may not even be banging someone else, have thought about it. But you speak a raw, biological male truth that few women understand and/or deny...but it is a basic, human male need and I imagine it must be very difficult having those urges and only one sand box to play in...I get it, it gets boring. You wanna see whats going down in the swanky sand box down the street...I totally get it. I must of been a swinging man in another life, hehe.
Hey, if you do get ballsy enough to tell your wife, wow...hope she’s cool with it. Hope you get your wish.
And again, kudos to you for that post you wrote. I think you said what alot of men would like to say, but they just dont have the cojones to do it...mainly out of fear of how women will perceive it. But this woman gets it.

And, once again...to anyone who doesn’t agree with what I said...STICK IT!

written by fioona, 13 January, 2012

No don’t!!!!! Someones threatening to tell my guy I cheated and I forever live in fear and dare not tell him. Ignore it. Its not your business.

written by OPEN, 24 February, 2012

I am in an open physical relationship. My other half has been trying to get this married woman for a month. It is the thrill of the chase.
No, I don’t approve. The emotional affair that they have been having has taken time away from us. It is becoming obvious at work that something is going on however no one is talking except behind their backs.
Since he did not want me to find out about this one, does that meen that he is cheating?
I am contemplating on sending a note to her husband with information about emotional affairs.

written by ChrissyE, 20 March, 2012

Exposure of an affair is a MUST. Exposure is the only way to end an affair. The two people involved in an affair are living in a fantasy world that is shattered and they are brought back to reality once the affair is exposed. This is not done as revenge, but rather as a means to save the marriage.

written by jump, 20 May, 2012

I’m just wrote a letter to the other woman’s husband and now he’s saying he’s gonna press charges on me... I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. Now to try and save my marriage for me and my kids

written by PattieR, 27 May, 2012

To SerialSoCalledCheater. Newsflash, idiot..... women see men every day that they would like to screw too. Most of US don’t have our brains in our private parts. You sound like one big ole pompous ass. Get this..... you think you are a stud and women are all over you cause you are just IT..... they are using you. They will tell you lies about how you are the best they have ever had, you are the biggest they have ever had..... ALL LIES. The majority of them are not even having an orgasm but they will tell you to boost your inflated ego. Oh, and get this....... YOUR WIFE is probably already cheating on you, moron. Why don’t you tell your wife if you think everything is gonna lead to your F’d up "swinger lifestyle". I hope she does because if that happens, she will find a better man while swinging and leave you high and DRY. You are a CREEP and I’m sure your wife doesn’t deserve that. Tell her about it so she can go find a REAL MAN.

written by truthseeker58, 28 May, 2012

Go for it. Getting someone to be in a long term committed relationship then cheating on them is just wrong. Its true, once a cheater always a cheater and the other person shouldn’t be left in the dark. I mean being cheated on is bad enough, then being kept in the dark about it is only gonna make it worse when they find out and yes they will find out.

written by Mark Plimsoll, 05 July, 2012

Cheating is "only human."
So is rape – instinctual, only about 5 (non-insect or lower) animals rape; squid, ducks, orangutangs, dolphins, and humans.
We’ve discovered too few human instinctual taboos, such as incest between biological fathers and their daughters, so BE FOREWARNED!
We should ALL admit that women must take a little blame for dressing provocatively and drinking too much, ONCE THEY UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS OF BEING HUMAN, and the hardwired proclivities of males.
Think of the children, our responsibilities to the next generations, to increase our knowledge AND efforts to liberate them from the long-term effects of abuse, even though completely *normal*. Abuse of trust is always ugly. It takes MORE than 100% from one person to maintain a relationship and family, so give at least your 100%, with the understanding it will probably go unnoticed!

written by Layla_B, 14 July, 2012

I don’t know how to think straight about this anymore. I entered a relationship (we took it VERY slow) with a guy for 9 months. I had no idea ge was in a 4 yr relationship with someone else because he worked nearby so it always more convenient for him to come to my house. He met my family and I fell completely in love with him.

What you people don’t understand is I didn’t choose to chase a married man or fall in love with him and as soon as I found out I gave him an option to leave her and he didn’t. I cut him off for 6 months but he contacted me. I don’t think me missing him horribly and wanting him to sort things out makes me the evil other woman?! I know about her now yes but I still answer the phone when he calls and says he loves me. I hate this situation and I want her to know but I keep protecting him because as twisted as it is, him hating me is something I can’t bear either. But I also hate what he’s done to me. Pure deceit.

written by The Truth Ricky, 06 August, 2012

It’s important that you can live your life without secrets and not feeling guilty. Your heart wants the truth to be exposed but the Devil says hold on to it. You can’t look thru the Devil’s eyes unless you burn it. Tell her the truth and everything God will heal and take control of.

written by Joejoe, 01 October, 2012

I would always expose a cheater without any second thoughts they are low class selfish assholes whether male or female, i have exposed one male cheater before right to his face LOL, he was dating an ex of mine who was still a good friend, he did not know about our history and tried to hook up with a slutty girl in a bar about an hour before his gf arrived, anyways she knew me well and knew i was giving her the truth, she dumped him on the spot, which is the only way to go IMO.

written by Aventurine, 31 October, 2012

Wow the arrogance of that horrible "serialcheater" "man".. what about STDs.. Men like you shouldn’t get married!! What if you pick up an STD, an incurable one.. and pass it to your wife.. children?? Why did you get married? And please don’t say well I use condoms, they are NOT a 100% guarantee.

written by The other woman???, 04 November, 2012

My husband filed for divorce a month ago. A little over a year ago, I received an anonymous letter in the mail that told me this other woman had a long history with P*** and knows you do as well(hello...I’m married to him)and that they told this woman to tell me about her, but too much time has gone by and she hasn’t. This person then said, "for both of your sakes",asked me to contact her, gave her cell phone number in the letter and said, "Do her a favor and let her see the other side of P***" and then ended the letter with a Thanks. No signature. I never contacted the woman, but do feel she and him have had a very long secret relationship. Do I contact her now? Do I let it go?

written by skyfall, 22 November, 2012

My partner of 20 years of marriage is having an affair with a man much younger than her, I confronted them and now I am planing to make his life miserable. He recently got married and his wife is pregnant. I am going to expose this to her about this affair and his cheating. I walked out of this can’t take this anymore.

written by WishIWouldHaveListened, 24 November, 2012

@Layla_B It isn’t worth it. If he truly loved you, he would not put you through that. He is probably unhappy in his relationship and looking for a way out or an ego boost. The one thing about affairs is that they are born in deceit – there can never be true transparency or trust in that. We all have to make our own decisions.

I fell in love with an older married man I work with. He adored me, bought me gifts, showered me with praise, never stopped telling me how much he loved me and needed to figure a way out of his unhappy marriage. He became my best friend for a year. Then it came out at work that he and I were having an affair. At that point it was mostly emotional. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to sleep with a married man. But after it came out, and I was supposedly sleeping with him, and no one believed that I hadn’t, I gave in. It only happened once, and I wish I would have just let people talk. I ended it after that.
It has been over for more than a year now. We still work together and he was still telling me he loved me, missed me, buying me gifts, asking to spend time with me. I finally asked him to stop contacting me unless it was work related. He responded by forwarding me explicit emails from his new mistress who he is in love with (confirmed by a coworker). This coworker (his confidant) also told me that the married guy never loved me like he loves this new woman, and that he used me (obviously). I also learned that it was the married guy who had outed us at work-displaying his conquest, and that he has had multiple affairs. He lied about everything.
I guess what I’m trying to say, and learned the hard way, is that all of this pain, feelings of regret, images in my mind, the damage done to my career, for a man who did nothing but lie isn’t worth it. Before it started, friends, my mother told me to beware, but I believed him and that he loved me and convinced myself that somehow I was different.
His wife isn’t the most pleasant person, but I feel sorry for her. I wish I could apologize to her. No one deserves that. I am going to settle with trying to forgive myself so I can move on and hope that by posting my story so maybe someone like you might listen and stop/or not even start before even more damage is done.

written by Exposer, 25 November, 2012

Well, I just exposed my ex’s affair to a married man’s wife. I would have not done it if she or he were not being such idiots to me. He was threatening me and I just could not hold it in. I wish I did not do it to be honest, everyone hates you. XW parents hate my guts, for whatever reason. I do regret it. What should I say...that guy and my ex messed up my life pretty good, I wanted revenge. It backfired, now I feel like crap.
DO NOT DO IT!!! It does not feel good.
Only advice I can give you is do it if you are still married to that person, but once it’s over just let it go. Move on...I have not moved on yet, unfortunately.
Please don’t do it. Let God take care of it.

written by Sorrelle, 10 December, 2012

I recently became engaged to my partner of four years. I thought we were very much in love. Since we became engaged, he started staying out late and for two months straight stayed out all night on weekend nights. I would look for him and call and call, but to no avail. He also started saying things like he was just confused right now, and we should postpone the wedding. I told him I had never pressured him into marrying, and I just wanted things the way they were. We had been arguing about his disappearances, but he insisted it wasn’t another woman. Finally he disappeared for four days. I missed time at work because I was so upset, could hardly function! When he returned a week ago he was very remorseful and like his old self. He told me that he had been obsessing about his ex, the other "love of his life" and needed to go and see if there was still anything there before tying the knot with me. He said he was sorry, and if I could forgive him he would go to counselling or do whatever he could do to make it up. I was deeply hurt of course, but I did not want to yell at him and damage the relationship further. I was happy he had come home, and have told him I will do whatever I can to help heal our relationship. As a week of so has passed though, I find myself thinking about it. I believe he isn’t talking to her, and I do trust him now that he has told me the truth...but I can’t help wondering, if he was able to put me through all that pain and be so dishonest and deceitful, can he really be sure that he loves me enough to never do it again. I know it will take time for things to get better...but I am wanting to move past it. I don’t like to judge people, but he and I made a commitment to each other. I have made sacrifices for our relationship and that is part of the deal...it’s the fact that he was misleading and manipulating me while going out with her, sleeping in her bed, blowing all kinds of money on her when we are working towards a supposed future. I am trying to forgive him but it’s hard....

written by Norahs, 13 December, 2012

[ I had an affair for almost 8 years. I have now found out that in the last year he has been going away to hotels with apparently someone who was in his life mire than 16 years ago who has suddenly come upon the scene again. Transpires he had been having an affair with him when his father died and she had helped him. He still wants me sexually and says this other woman us just a friend. I hate him and this woman and he is making a fool of me. I want to expose him to his wife as he has cheated on me and I don’t think he deserves to be happy. He has lied for a year but I caught him out as he was doing similar things that we did when first together. My life is shattered so I really don’t care about the consequences.

written by Franky, 24 December, 2012

I think you really need to weigh somethings before you tell a wife or husband that their spouse is having an affair.

First – Many cheat because they are driven to. Their marriage has a host of other troubles that they use the affair to escape from or give them what they aren’t getting at home... And it isn’t for sex, but for emotional and physical intimacy – *Intimacy may be sexual, but is different from just cheating for sex.

Second... If they have children... Please please don’t do it... You will be responsible for breaking up a family and hurting the children – The family may mend on it’s own, the affair end... etc...

written by Razzby, 25 January, 2013

The best thing to do in this situation is if you care and love the person who is being cheated on is to do the right thing with the right intentions. To speak privately with them and explain everything you know and how long you knew as well as why it took you so long to tell them. The more honest you are, the more reason to them not to believe that you have to lie. You may get mad at by them but because you love them they rather hear the truth from you than to find out another way. Yes, it will change your relationship but its the cost for them knowing the truth and not to continue to get hurt. One day they will realize that you had their back and appreciate what a true and real friend is.... remember that the truth hurts and a real friend tells a friend the truth even though it hurts.

written by Razzby, 25 January, 2013

You make no sense. I completely understand that people can be driven to cheat, but if your man or woman enough to cheat at least talk your problems over with your spouse before fooling around on them. Give them a chance to fix what is wrong. Then you will not have to worry about someone telling the wife about the affairs. She would already know. The person telling does not mess up the family the people involved the affair messes up the family and children. The husband, wife, and the person cheating with.

written by Sally Smith, 03 March, 2013

Always be aware of the potential impact your involvement in other people’s affairs can have on the person’s and family’s lives. And always consider you probably know only part of what is actually happening.