Past Comments – My girlfriend is threatening to tell my wife about our affair

Comments (200)

written by london brown, 28 May, 2008
smilies/cry.gif if it is you try for the last time with your wife and it does not work then you can proceed to seek someone else but for now you are in a tricky situation because you could lose your wife and also the connection with the other person who you have grown an attachment with. So please try to make better decisions in the future.
written by quest, 10 August, 2008
I think it’s great your going to counseling with your wife. I would talk it over with the counselor and it will help you process what you need to do.
written by clutchcargo, 28 August, 2008
I have done the same thing to threaten the person I am having the affair with that I will tell her if he doesn’t I want him to hurt every time he says he is going to make his marriage work when he has had numerous opportunities but decided to keep it going that’s because I allow it. There are times I’m so serious to tell her but then think I don’t want to hurt him because I love him its one of the worst feelings I have had in my life to get tangled into something as an affair and loving someone more than my ex husband its shattering. But I said I would not hurt him on my own he will be found out one day on his own and then he will have to explain for the second time why he continued to see me. She has to be so clueless he is always with me either that or she just does not care.
written by Grow up, 19 September, 2008
It sounds like you have a very immature girlfriend! Keep going to counseling and be more involved with positive activities with your kids and be a good example for them.
written by homer, 29 September, 2008
I think you need to find a counselor that agrees to preserving your secret. You should engage counseling with both the wife, and the girlfriend. This will buy you some time with the mistress, since you are offering counseling. And then after the counselor hears both sides of your life, they can help you what to do. I would also find an attractive counselor that you may be able to spark up a fling with...

May sound low rent, but it’s kind of like the econo bailout plan, what do you really have to loose?
written by Selfish, 05 October, 2008
I think the whole lot is selfish, any woman who has an affair with a married man is going to get her heart broken, all you are doing is giving a married man his cake and eat it. You haven’t left your wife for the coworker, you want the best of both, either way you have been selfish and the wife gets hurt. The solution is stay away from people who are already involved in a relationship, both the coworker and the
husband should have realized this was just going to lead to pain and misery.
written by Name, 04 November, 2008
If you really want the marriage to work and want to repair the damage, you must be honest with your wife. The affair happened because something was missing from the Marriage. A marriage takes two. Hopefully you and your wife will be able to learn from this tragic mistake and improve the marriage together. Actions speak louder than words. You must end all contact with the other woman.
written by forever sorry, 06 December, 2008
I am married and I had a ex bf that indeed did follow through with his threats to ruin my life if I would not continue to see him, he sent compromising pictures to my husbandsmilies/sad.gifso if I were you id for sure take the threat very seriously...
it is a very painful situation to be in, take it from some one that has been there and is dealing with the pain right now that I caused my husband and myself..
Now my life is so broken I’m not sure if it will ever be able to be repaired... sad...
written by applesauce, 13 January, 2009
Leave the wife for your girlfriend. Your marriage is so over and has been for years. Be happy with your girlfriend.
written by mrs.flax, 08 February, 2009
Interesting story. I think the guy should not have stayed in the relationship so long with the mistress. Its been my experience that with cheating comes the all the adrenaline that keeps one coming back. Once that starts to fade, the attraction of it dwindles. The other obvious is that not only is he cheating on his wife, also he is cheating on himself. Who knows maybe this really flips his skirt, being wanted by two women. When kids are involved then it gets sticky....i see a lot of loveless marriages, ‘for the kids’....jeese, what the heck are we teaching our children then?
written by hurt by lies, 09 February, 2009
this is to the post sent in above by applesauce,
It seems that you are the only one who thinks your mm ‘s marriage is over,
apparently he doesn’t why are you pushing and holding on,why not go find someone single to be with you love you respect you, none of this are you getting from this married man,maybe he has told you he’s not happy at home so he can keep getting his cake and cookies too,
and here you sit writing for him to leave his marriage and to move in with you, there is a mourning period people go through when they have been with someone for many years,you don’t seem to understand that this mm will not be in tune with you ,and you are getting him in the rebound state he resent you, or may realize that he has made a big mistake and want his wife,since he is not with you i’m thinking he has lied to you about many things in his marriage and lied to his wife,let go have some self respect,there is someone out there to love you and treat you right,why waste your time holding your breath for a married man,how do you even know if you can even live with this man, when you’re out sneaking and doing things because of his marital status it makes things exciting and all that dies off in time and you just become everyday, he most likely is telling his wife he loves her etc,
you should just move on and maybe life will bring you the right man with no strings attached.let him go not wort it at all,think on that for your own sanity and well being,how do you really know he isn’t happy at home, he could be lying to you,smilies/angry.gif
written by Been Hurt, 20 February, 2009
I think anyone that looks for others to fool around with outside of their marriage,will pay dearly. Don’t you people know that, if they cheat with you, they will sooner than later cheat on you. NOTHING good comes from cheating. That is why it is called CHEATING. Innocent people get hurt. The best policy is honesty, be up front with your feelings. Keep the lines of communication open. T A L K... Don’t Cheat ! ! !
written by I can relate...., 25 February, 2009
I am absolutely taken by this thread of conversation. I was the other woman for almost two years. Discovery first happened when the wife discovered his Visa bill. He gave her a very nice cover story. Then I was reviewing a long distance bill that he and I shared and did not recognize a number. Without thinking, I called the number and his wife answered. I did not answer her questions, but rather (called him on the other line and told him what had happened) and asked her to speak to her husband about any questions she might have (as this is what he asked me to do). It was one of the most difficult situations I have ever had to deal with. He blames me for everything !

It has been approximately 9 months since he and I separated. He continues to be with his wife (for the sake of the kids). He has always maintained that if there was a choice between his family life with the children and me, I would lose him. I accept that. I have always been supportive and respect that the children come first. The original plan was that we would remain together until his children grew older and then we would reveal the our relationship. I met his children and he met mine.

To date, he and I still engage in regular daily email and phone communication. He has told me that he still misses things about me and still loves the "good" part of me but he has to remain focused on his priorities, which are his children.

I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if I told his wife or disclosed to her that he and I still communicate.

I have been far too hard on myself. I did love him very deeply and was faithful and devoted to him. I think still am (which is sad). I am unable to open my heart to others. It saddens me because I have always been a very loving, giving and devoted person to all my relationships. My experience with him changed all that. I also share the blame for my hurt. I was an active player. He was big on honesty during our relationship, but now I know he was the LIAR and still is. Once a cheater always a cheater. He’s garbage and never deserved me or any of the beautiful moments of life he shared with me and my children.

I still remain confused about my feelings for him. It was a facade from the very beginning (even though it infuriates him when I (or other people) say that he never loved me).

I want to tell his wife about the current state of things between he and I. He deserves to feel the pain, anguish and humiliation too. He does not deserve me or his wife . I have not brought myself to disclose.

Stay in touch. We can heal together. Friends from a distance.

Keep sweet. Love yourself.

written by lesle, 15 March, 2009
I am in the exact situation, almost word for word, it’s scary,
Although everything only came to a head 3 weeks ago.
I was told his wife knew about me, that he stayed in the spare room and removed his wedding band.
We have been having a full blown affair for 16 months.
he asked me to marry him, he asked to move in with me and for us to try for a baby, I said not yet, not until all cards were on the table and his wife and kids had come to terms that he was leaving.
His wife called me 3 weeks ago, my number was constantly on his phone bill which she downloaded off the net, he had been in the spare room but for 5 months, i asked him on speakerphone while she was there, why, he said he didn’t know.
they had been having sex too rarely she told me that, but she knew for months but said her counselor said she has only been able to deal with it now. He has denied saying he wanted to marry me or have a bay with me, he has admitted that he loved me.
I got in touch with him and we met and spoke, he was full of remorse but said he has to stay for the kids sake, that she is unstable (i do know she has mental health issues) I said I would wait for him, that we could carry on without anyone knowing, that means waiting for 10 years for him. Even his friends thinks its crazy, that they don’t know what I see in him.
I have just spent a wonderful couple of days with him, his wife constantly called and texted, he has told her he has not been in touch with me at all and that it is over, but when i got home and back to reality i wondered how could he lie so badly to her, surely he’s doing that to me, although I told him i would continue with his as long as he always tells me the truth. he even gave me his password to his accounts as he said he has absolutely no secrets from me. he tells me he has never loved anyone the way he loves me and as long as I want him, he will always want me. i have said if i meet someone in the meantime which is very unlikely (i love him with my whole being) that i would tell him and we would go our separate ways. he started crying saying the thought makes him feel sick.
I’ve had an awful day in turmoil, crying and questioning myself over and over. I am not a bad person and I know I have to be the one that lets him go but how do I cope with that?

written by hurt by lies, 04 April, 2009
to applesauce,
I have read your post here, and I just wondered,how you were getting along since your message of i presume your mm and his wife being over,and that they have been for years,Did he leave his wife to be with you ?
Are you so sure that you know or knew the truth about their marriage?
these men tell so many lies in order to have their cake and eat it too, I was just wondering if you got what you wanted,
the pain the wife and family go through because of cheating and the ow or om involed is devastateing and very very painful, why would you want to trust someone who is cheating with you on another person?
I think there is a moral issue here of commitment and then there is the lies and the deception,and do you really think you are going to be happy with this married man? because of stolen moments you have spent with him? do you truly know what he is like,better than his wife and family? I,m really curious how someone who is sneaking around with another feels that they are going to be happy with them and that they won,t get the same thing done to them,the cheater most surely has no morals or he would have left his marriage if you were so much the source of happiness don,t you think ? instead of cheating with you, hiding and sneaking around having you feel cheap and disrespected,is that love and happiness to you?
written by I can relate..., 05 April, 2009
Oh My Goodness... with exception to a few statements you had made in your previous submission, it is almost a carbon copy of my relationship with my ex.

Like you, I constantly battle with mixed feelings. I do not question the fact that he loved me very much and perhaps still does. I don’t know.

What I have learned is that if he can be so dishonest with her, he could also be dishonest with you. I too was also willing to wait years(because I truly felt he was my soulmate). Deep in my heart, I know if I saw him again, I would likely succumb to his touch and presence and settle for less again. This has been a feeling that I have been struggling with.

I have come to realize that when people genuinely and truly love each other, they will both make every effort to find a way to be together. Openly, publicly and honestly. Sure, he gave you passwords but he could have all kinds of other online things going on that you are (and may never be) unaware of. So passwords really mean nothing – its just a birds eye view of what he WANTS you to see to keep you by his side.

Coping is very difficult. It takes one day at a time. You can’t rush your healing process, neither can anyone else. No one can make you feel better, if you are not. Keeping busy with friends and family is important. Counseling may also help.

I pushed away my closest friends for the time that I was with him, but they all embraced me with gentle and caring hearts and have been there for me (every step of the way) in my healing process). I honestly don’t think I will ever truly heal from one of the greatest heartbreaks I have ever experienced. I just wake to the joy of having beautiful children that I live and breathe for.

As for him, yes, I will always love him in a very special way.

Message me back and let me know how you are doing.

written by not really in your shoes, 21 April, 2009
I think you may have to tell your wife, but personally, I would avoid the rip off the bandage approach that is being advocated by some in this forum. Let the information come out slowly, sharing good times with each of them as more and more of your feelings are being divulged, otherwise, you will get into a really negative downward spiral that ends with attorneys. I would ease her into it, slowly, suggesting that you have problems with the relationship, and why, etc, so that she has time to adjust her expectations of the relationship. Meanwhile, I would also slowly withdraw from your lover, so that she too has the time to recover and adjust. If you can help both maintain their dignity, you have a chance of surviving this thing.
written by neverneverland, 25 April, 2009
I never thought this would happen to me, but reading Lesle’s and I Can Relate’s posts made me realize how i’ve become involved in what, i guess, is pretty common. This is my first affair with a MM and it will def be my last. I have been so impulsive and doing everything he says, feeling that what we have is so amazingly unique and special and meant to be...i even moved to another town to be near him – which involved distancing myself from my kids who live with their father (he got custody through a tricky international divorce – we are in Europe) so i fly to see kids every other wknd...but is so hard. The worst was when he was ready to just move out of the house with his wife and come to the apartment he had set up for us...she found out and went completely ballistic...she threatened suicide, she threatened to have me killed, it was like out of a horror movie. She, too, has extreme mental issues...but i feel we all do at some level...i think i am just too bloody naive or understanding or i gave him a deadline, because i can’t take this roller coaster...he is scheduled to separate from her next week, describing it to her for purposes other than ultimately resulting in see, he’s "had" to lie to her too, to protect himself and his interests...i understand this, because i, too, have had to lie to him to protect myself – i’ve been drinking to numb the pain of being alone every night and have lost a lot of weight so the alcohol affects me hard and of his business assoc. took advantage of me in a black-out (fondling, no intercourse) and i feel so lost and out of control and vulnerable and insecure...but i could never tell my b/f what happened – it’s far too complicated, his creep friend is helping him prepare for his did i get in this MESS...? It did not at all start out like this...i don’t know who i am anymore. I will see what happens when we move to yet another town next week so he can separate, but even then, his wife is going to explode like Mt. St. Helen’s...i wonder if he will have the courage to carry through with this point, i have lost interest in what happens either way, i just want to know there is an end in sight. His marriage has been unhappy now for over a decade, i know he wants out, but their case of co-dependency is remarkable. We’ve been together less than a year, and i feel like i’ve been suffering a lifetime. Surely the reason for falling into a situation like this stems from my own issues of unworthiness and abandonment. I try not to suffer too much, for i am beginning to see the lesson hidden in this chaos. No matter what happens, i will be relieved when all is said and done. But i will never, ever tell him what his "friend" did to me. And this i must carry with me to the grave. I wonder what secrets he is carrying as well, the kind that only his wife would know? Anyway, we are all of us essentially unknowable. I wish you all peace and insight and a way out of the pointless suffering. Try to find the meaning, it is there, somewhere, most likely right in front of our eyes.
written by neverneverland, 25 April, 2009
"While infidelity often occurs in healthy relationships, infidelity can also be an indicator of larger relational problems such as a fundamental incompatibility or a lack of love and companionship."

I took this quote from the site, which i am obsessed with and cannot stop reading. This site is giving me much support and relief. It is helpful to know that i am not alone. It is shedding a lot of light on an otherwise dark, dank, and moldy corner of my life.

The two words that stand out in the quote are "fundamental incompatibility." That is definitely the nut-shell definition of my failed marriage, and it is also the source of the problem in my MM’s marriage.

I could not tolerate the fundamental incompatibility in my marriage and it hence ended in a car crash of a divorce. Ouch. But it seems my MM would have tolerated – and basically has tolerated for ten years now – his own fundamental incompatibility, had he not met me.

It galls me that though men are so programmed and statistically expected to stray, that they either don’t have the courage or the countenance to graciously bow out of their marriages. I don’t want to be the "reason" he left his wife. The real reason is their FI.

Maybe it has to do with their subconscious urges to please their mothers, stemming from unmet needs in childhood. I can certainly attribute this to my own similar sign posts marked throughout the course of my life. I no longer want to blame. Just understand.

Another troubling find on this site, that 50% of men are expected to cheat. Now maybe this shouldn’t concern me, as i myself have joined this infamous club, but it seems that men cheat for the same reason that dog’s lick themselves – because they can. (Stole that from Sex and the City, must admit.) So i’m thinking, even if i do end up victorious in this affair, and he does leave her for me, and we walk down the aisle listening to "At Last" by Etta Jones...what’s to stop him when he’s in the next situation where opportunity and timing just magically fall into place?

So really, no matter what happens, no matter what, we are all of us vulnerable to this dilemma. I would like to have monogamy, but i know it doesn’t come easy, and to think that it’s left up to fate and odds, it’s just a gamble really...i know there will be those to say that i "should have known better..." but honestly, how is that possible? How could i have known until i went through it? This i can most definitely say, knowing NOW what i do, i will never, ever try this merry-go-round again. Fell head-over-heels in love and skinned my knees.

written by waited too long, 04 May, 2009
I can also relate to all of the comments but what if it has gone on for 13 years? Then do you tell the wife or does she already know?
written by Stay Strong, 05 May, 2009
My husband and I have been separated for the last week. I told him we needed time apart to think about his affair before we made any final decisions about our marriage. I thought he was going to go to his friends house to stay so we could keep in contact and work thru our problems. Instead in goes moves in with the other women. I feel horrible. I’m at home with the kids, taking care of the house and paying our bills while he plays house with some one else !!! He called me today for a favor. I told hime was he out of his mind ?? He wants a favor from me when he has been living with her and can care less about my feelings. He asked if I missed him and if I was willing to fight for him. I told him I always fought for him but it’s always on his terms that he comes back and he always finds his ways to keep in contact with her. I’m so tired of this situation. I love him because we have been married for 21 years but this is driving me to the edge. For all you other women out there cheating with married man, you are truly ruining lives and what goes around comes around. I hope my husband truly finds his way home to us but meanwhile I’m moving on with my life and praying to God for some peace.
written by valleydumped1, 12 May, 2009
i think men that cheat deserve everything they get and why wait for karma??? help it along a little faster, tell the wife or girlfriend, who believe me, knows underneath but is either too afraid or broke to be on her own with the kid he really didn’t want...blow the guy out of the water, spare this other woman/sister of ours the waste of time she is with...
written by sister1, 22 May, 2009
I to had an affair . I just ended it about a week and a half ago . It had been goin on for almost 3 years and i just got so tired of it . I decided to just be friends lol right,, now this person doesnt even talk to me anymore . I feel so used and I hate that . The only reason I would ever tell his wife is just to hurt him , the way he has hurt me ! It’s so hard everyday I think of him but thats slowly turning to hate due to his actions ..... It all comes down to a piece of tail , and he cant get that from me so now he blows me off !!!! i don’t know what to do ???
written by sister June 10, 2009, 10 June, 2009
I have been in an affair with a MM for almost 2years, but after the wife has found about us for the 3rd time, he now wants us to be friends and asks that I not hate him. I love him dearly and spend a lot of time crying and feeling bad about myself. I don’t doubt that he loves me, but I feel horrible and am starting to hate him and want to tell his wife.
written by confrontedwife, 21 June, 2009
Well, I basically lived this situation as the wife who didnt know. Husband had a fling while we were having problems, we reconciled, she got pissed off..couldnt accept he wasnt leaving me for her....I knew nothing about her till a month after our reconciliation.

I got pissed off at him for NOT telling me, for putting me out there for her to call me and catch me off guard making me look like the fool wife.

Although I can understand his reasons for not telling me that month we reconcilled and she was threatening him to leave or shes calling , because our marriage was never better and our love so deep, he didnt want to destroy that with is admission....I will not forgive him for that, letting HER hurt me.

I have now understood, why she did it. She knew she could never have him, so destroy him and me. Unfortunatly, I found out when our love bond was stronger than ever, thank god, because I wouldnt have been able to deal with it at any other point in my life!

Women who want to play this game, screw married men, shouldnt be sore losers! Thats a chance you take that he doesnt want to leave his wife or he doesnt want you.

So, to my husbands OW< You succeeded in making our marriage stronger than ever, you showed J the way home, you showed him that yes, he has more to lose, his self respect, you helped him realize he could become lower than he already was, you are trash, you will always be used by men, you are a 39 years old woman that no man wants for commitment or long term relationship! Pathetic!

So when you bragged to him that you were at bars and men were going to take you home, you saw, he didnt care, he could have cared less about you! He told you to go to them! How did that make you feel??? LOL!

You are a trashy slut and in 10 years from now, you will still be sitting in the bars drinking and alone, hitting on some man to take you home! ....and I will have my beautiful life with J!

Now, go enjoy happy hour! Horny guys are missing you!!!!

written by golfguy, 28 June, 2009
I lived this.
I met this "thing" when I was lost in my life, trouble with the wife, trouble at work.
She knew up front, I was never leaving my wife, she was "ok" with that, so she said!
When I realized she could only bring me down lower, and that I needed to fight for my marriage, I broke it off.

What did she do? Harassed me with phone calls, text messages and she was even sneaky enough to get my wifes cell phone number out of my phone to use to call her, when she realized I was trying to end it with her.

She did call my wife. After we reconciled. My wife was heartbroken. I was heartbroken, I wanted to tell her so many times before she called, but ..we were so happy, I couldnt do it.

I thank god, my wife, who is a very strong , beautiful understanding and loving woman, decided to give me another chance.

Cheating was the biggest mistake of my life! I feel like a "felon" like a
"sex offender", I feel like the lowest life form! I hurt her when I needed her most, I turned to another person, who I knew, could never make me feel better about me or about my life.

I realize now, why god sent my wife to me. I would be a loser without her. She has made me a stronger and better husband and a better person.

I have learned a lesson this past year, a valuable lesson. That, no matter how bad it gets, my rock is my wife and I will never turn my back on her again.
written by Samo, 29 June, 2009
It’s not about hating the girlfriend. Sure, she carries her own rocks in this situation. But he took the vow. Either work through your marriage issues or get a divorce.

I never thought I would say this but I’m finding it hard to find any man who doesn’t cheat at least once. I travel a lot and work with lots of men, all ages and backgrounds. It’s been quite eye opening seeing just how many will have a fling with just about anyone. Usually, they say, it means nothing. But what if the wife knew. I’m sure she’d think differently.

I had an affair with a married man. All the posts above reflect all of the sides of it. We think we’re special. Different. You get lost in that glow of being singled out. But it’s all a lie. Part of a long thread of lies they’ve told many before you and if they don’t get caught, many after you.

If she’s pretty enough or just available and strokes his ego, he’ll jump.

We get imprinted after being physical and sharing emotions. But it’s just bad chemistry that will wear off. Trust me. It does.

I was going to step out and let it go when my affair ended. He was so guilty. Their anniversary was looming. I felt really terrible after he finally spoke up about his feelings. He’s not a big talker. Relies more on his position in the military, the uniform and Steve McQeen act. But the real story was, he found yet another woman who was in town and more convenient. I had outlived my usefulness.

Yep, I got what I deserved. A huge hurt reflected in the words I’ve read above. In the end, I was just another girl who was there like a drive-thru sandwich. He pursued me for months. I said no thanks but then he found my weaknesses and I feel right for it. My low self esteem? You betcha. And yes, I’m quite sorry and full of hurt. And I’ll never do that again. I’m not even sure I can really trust anyone again. That’s my reward. I helped break myself. And I’m doing my best to get through it. And to respect myself enough to make the best choices. That self-esteem thing is being worked on daily. I’m getting there.

As I said, I was going to let it drop and keep his secrets. There was a woman before me as well. He was broken over her when I met him. He claimed I healed him. Yep. I sure did. I fixed him enough to go find someone else.

He called me up and said that he was shocked that I was so hurt and thought I wouldn’t mind him moving on. News to me since I had no idea. He did a 180 in a day. Went from "Hey, Baby, I love you so much and miss you." To setting up a meeting with the new chick in Vegas. He was so casual about the year and a half, me paying for all the hotels and getting him a phone (yeah, I’m that chump) and me trying to pull away constantly. He blamed me for that. Said I was full of drama. That always makes me laugh. Drama is a belittling word for "I don’t want to deal with reality so this is all you." I keep trying to do the right thing and leave but he’d weigh right back in with all the right words. So I keep coming back when he asked. Now he’s treating like Glenn Close.

I said, "Hey, you keep calling me. You just want me to be okay with you screwing me over." All he said in the end was, "Sorry." That’s all I got in the end. Sorry. I got pretty upset.

So I told his wife.
Turns out she knew about me and the one before and probably the one now.
And was letting it happen.

Hey, I’m a sinner.

But that duo is a menace.

I got what I deserved.
All the married ladies hear can know that it sucks and leaves scar tissue.

But he took the vow.
I did not.

And she gets what she deserves here as well.
A broken man who will go to church and repent and when the coast is clear, he’ll do it again. Nice

Keep you dogs on a leash or at least set them free.

And please know that if you’ve been me in this situation. We’re not evil. We will heal and will find the best for ourselves. I’m not wearing the scarlet A on my chest.

He should do that.

Here’s to moving on and getting that self-esteem in full gear.

written by Samo, 29 June, 2009
It’s not about hating the girlfriend necessarily. Each situation, albeit the same in most cases, has a few differences I guess.

Sure, the girlfriend carries her own rocks in this situation. But he took the vow. Either work through your marriage issues or get a divorce.

I never thought I would say this but I’m finding it hard to find any man who doesn’t cheat at least once. I travel a lot and work with lots of men, all ages and backgrounds. It’s been quite eye opening seeing just how many will have a fling with just about anyone. Usually, they say, it means nothing. But what if the wife knew. I’m sure she’d think differently.

I had an affair with a married man. All the posts above reflect all of the sides of it. We think we’re special. Different. You get lost in that glow of being singled out. But it’s all a lie. Part of a long thread of lies they’ve told many before you and if they don’t get caught, many after you. He can’t tell you about the other times because he’s supposed to be this misunderstood man who needs you. Um. Right.

If she’s pretty enough or just available and strokes his ego, he’ll jump.

We get imprinted after being physical and sharing emotions. But it’s just bad chemistry that will wear off. Trust me. It does.

I was going to step out and let it go when my affair ended. He was so guilty. Their anniversary was looming. I felt really terrible after he finally spoke up about his feelings. He’s not a big talker. Relies more on his position in the military, the uniform and the Steve McQeen act.

But the real story was, he found yet another woman who was in town and more convenient. I had outlived my usefulness.

Yep, I got what I deserved. A huge hurt reflected in the words I’ve read above. In the end, I was just another girl who was there like a drive-thru sandwich. He pursued me for months. I said no thanks but then he found my weaknesses and I fell right for it. My low self esteem? You betcha. And yes, I’m quite sorry and full of hurt. And I’ll never do that again. I’m not even sure I can really trust anyone again. That’s my reward. I helped break myself. And I’m doing my best to get through it. And to respect myself enough to make the best choices. That self-esteem thing is being worked on daily. I’m getting there.

As I said, I was going to let it drop and keep his secrets. There was a woman before me as well. He was broken over her when I met him. He claimed I healed him. Yep. I sure did. I fixed him enough to go find someone else.

He called me up and said that he was shocked that I was so hurt and thought I wouldn’t mind him moving on. News to me since I had no idea. He did a 180 in a day. Went from "Hey, Baby, I love you so much and miss you." To setting up a meeting with the new chick in Vegas. He was so casual about the year and a half, me paying for all the hotels and getting him a phone (yeah, I’m that chump) and me trying to pull away constantly. He blamed me for that. Said I was full of drama. That always makes me laugh. Drama is a belittling word for "I don’t want to deal with reality so this is all you." I keep trying to do the right thing and leave but he’d weigh right back in with all the right words. So I keep coming back when he asked. Now he’s treating like I’m Glenn Close. Which is ridiculous. I don’t have time to boil a rabbit on anyone’s stove.

I said, "Hey, you keep calling me. You just want me to be okay with you screwing me over." All he said in the end was, "Sorry." That’s all I got in the end. Sorry. I got pretty upset.

So I told his wife.
Turns out she knew about me and the one before and probably the one now.
And was letting it happen.

Hey, I’m a sinner. I own it.

But that duo is a menace.

I got what I deserved.
All the married ladies here can know that it sucks and leaves scar tissue.

But he took the vow.
I did not.

And she gets what she deserves here as well.
A broken man who will go to church and repent and when the coast is clear, he’ll do it again. Nice.

Keep you dogs on a leash or at least set them free.

And please know that if you’ve been me in this situation. We’re not evil. We’re just people who made a mistake. It’s tough but it’s not the end of the world. We will heal and will find the best for ourselves. I’m not wearing the scarlet A on my chest.

He should do that.

Here’s to moving on and getting that self-esteem in full gear.

Tell the wife or not, you have to get out of it and do what’s best for you.

written by Damage, 06 July, 2009
I met him in July 2009. We met on the internet by chance/ by fate? Were we really fated to have our lives destroyed by this?
He is married and has three children, and I am married and have three children. His marriage was to a ‘pretty-but cold’ woman who kept to her side of the bed. Mine was to a man who was my best friend, and whom I married because there was nothing better to do that hot August day.
Things clicked, and now--a year later-damage. My guess is that he has moved on and either wants his marriage to work desperately (like he says), or he has found another me to fool around with..who is fresh and interesting and seemingly uncomplicated (oh..just wait, I think..)Yet just last week we were talking about me feeding him strawberries and cream and all that snot (like true hot texy romance..)
As for me, I am in turmoil. My own marriage is chugging along, and isn’t completely bad. He can be affectionate and caring..but there is a lack of that something you can never properly name but know when it’s missing. That’s us..and I’ve had that ‘something’ with this other man, and I crave’s like the taste of cream on the tongue..numbing and addictive.
So now my life..having been numbed by this cream and now not wanting to live without it..I feel finished, desperate, and like if he only saw how I am so much more wonderful for him than her..we would both be able to fulfill our true destiny-which is to be together and junk.
I take my reality pill and I start to see the big picture..he is a liar, a cheater (takes one to know one?), and it will never stop..not with me with her with anyone. And then I get to feeling..ya know what. Let me tell my husband..and let my husband confront him! Or..let me tell everyone, my husband, his wife..and get this big nasty secret out into the universe for the universe to decide. Meanwhile..he says, ‘no..don’t I beg will ruin both of our lives (yea maybe-I think..but already ruined mine..why can’t I ruin yours?)
And I hear this nagging little something or other in the back of my head..below all of the other stuff..telling me..if he wanted to be with you we would be, if he wanted to be with you he would be...(and so on, and so on. )Why this feeling I want to destroy everyone’s life as a punishment to him? Is the truth a punishment? Will the truth free me, or will it drive me right into the ground further? Is it so hard to let him have his life and his lies? Why does pretty wife need to it so she’ll have pause in the early afternoon before her weekly tennis with the girls at the club? Will her reaction be indifference..because she does know in her heart (I know this), and she will be slightly annoyed that she now has to deal with the truth involving the lie? Will this ruin her? Will it especially ruin her once she discovers that though we probably are exact opposites?
Am I considering all of this to spread some of my pain, or diffuse it by revealing the secret that has been strangling me?
I’m uncertain completely but it’s worth giving much, much thought. That’s my advice.
written by confronted wife, 07 July, 2009
Samo, you are correct, he did take the "vow".
You knew he took the "vow" so why didnt you tell him, "hey, arent you married, bug off! Go home and fix your problems with your wife or leave her!"

I have said that phrase many many times when I was a single woman!

I am glad to read that you realize now its all a lie when they say you are special and you mean like you were exposed to, their wives deserve to be told, I agree 100%!

My husbands ow was hurt too, I cant imagine how used you feel. I luckily never experienced that.

I hope you learned from this and I hope you find someone that is deserving of you!
written by confronted wife, 07 July, 2009
Damage, why dont you feed your husband some strawberries!
Are you trying to fix your marriage?

Take it from a woman who ALMOST lost it all over stupidity ......

I am so grateful I found my husband again.

When you come really close to losing it all, YOU WILL WISEN UP!
written by wildone, 08 July, 2009
A woman will tell the wife when it finally dawns on her that, she will never have the man....she needs to hurt him like she is being hurt.

Its only natural to strike out at the person he loves the most in hopes that the marriage fails.

They think in their minds that divorce comes automatic with betrayal...they do not give us wives credit in realizing that the marriage failed way before they, ow,came into the picture! They, believe they are really special and irresistible to the mm ....NOT!

The majority of you ladies are only being are not long term....the woman who is long term, will tell the man, go home clean up your mess first, then come and see me...she may have half a shot at him...thats about it.

When two people love each one will stand in their way....NO ONE!
written by blondie45, 12 July, 2009
You know only the things he tells you about his wife, I doubt very much shes a cold woman on "her side of the bed!" Im sure hes right there on top of her!

You are a foolish person to marry because there was nothing better to do on a hot August day! No wonder, you have so much damage in your life.

Marriage to you is obviously a joke!
Now you think yu found a true love? You are a play thing for him thats all, a passing fancy, for who knows what reason! Some guys just cant be intimate with one person, pity. sounds like his wife got herself a real loser, but now, when you threaten him, hes fighting for his marriage!

I can understand how pissed of you are, because you were "used" by him. In your mind, you created a fantasy world...and now, its over.

You need to divorce your husband...he deserves a real true love....and you need to be alone and find yourself, because dont think things through and realize the consequences.......I think his poor wife should be told....she deserves better and hes probably lucky to even have married her in the first place......I feel sorry for you ...and for all the children are a lost soul!
written by knockout, 14 July, 2009
I told his wife, because he strung me along, telling me his marriage was over....telling me, they didnt have sex, they couldnt talk. I was there for him!

She got the vacations with him, I got the stolen moments...funny how, he still took her places, dinner trips and I was alone!

He even told me how much "better" looking I was than she was, skinnier, etc...then I forced him to show me a picture! Nothing at all what he said she was! I figured out then, this is just a game to him, Im nothing! The only thing he told me that was the truth was, that they were having marriage problems! I did get an opportunity to meet one of their very good friends who confirmed it to me, they were having problems, but SHE WAS THE ONE DONE WITH HIM! He was the one trying to kiss her ass to work on the marriage!!
I was being used, to stroke his ego!
F-him now.

I told his wife.
You know who feels like an asshole here , me! You know why, because they are working on their marriage, I made a fool out of my self, even told him I loved him, after, he told me its over! Yes, I am pathetic.

I am sick and tired of these games that are being played! Just sick of it.

I will never fall for a married man again. It has really done damage to me too. They make you believe how unhappy they are and give you hope that they are leaving! Its all bullshit!
written by cheatedontoomanytimes, 16 July, 2009
I think all you ow should tell the wife. Maybe these jackasses will realize the consequences ..its you other women who dont tell....that are the problem!

Blab away!

In a few years, cheating will cease to exist...except for the jerks that shouldnt be married to begin with!
written by babydoll, 19 July, 2009
I say all you other women cheating...tell the wife! But tell her before you start having sex with him , tell her, before you fall in love with him...tell her, tell her tell her.

Dont carry on these affairs and then when your dumped , you want to reach out and hurt..everything was all fine when you were screwing him and he wanted you, right????

Now, youre dumped and he wants nothing to do with you and you cant face the reality of it all!
Cant you women see when a married man is hitting on you , its issues with himself, its not his wife.
Like the other post said on this site, he has the issues and when he fixes them you are out the door!

What the problem is here with you ow is that, you believe youre special, you believe you really mean something to him, because hes with you and not with his wife. You all give yourself way to much credit, the bottom line is, youre used. simple.

You cant honestly believe you can step into a life you had no part in building. And the marriages you do end up destroying, you can only do his wife a favor!
written by Trying To Heal, 08 August, 2009
After almost 6 years of being hidden, lied about, lied to, and everything else, I told her. My story is no different than most here – and thank you ladies for letting me see that I’m not alone. I thought I was the only person on earth who had truly finally believed that she was worth nothing more than the small bits offered at his convenience.

We were discovered 2 years ago when we worked together (had been together for 2 years before that off and on). I left the company, he was demoted. He found God, love, and "what really mattered in life". I was so broken. I missed him almost daily for a year but stayed away because I wanted him to be happy. I finally decided after 10 months to move out of the state because I still hurt so much. I told him I was moving and we reignited. From Sept of last year until 2 weeks ago, we talked daily. Saw each other on occasion. I believed it all. I believed I was his best friend, the missing piece, all of it.

We saw each other two weeks ago. He told me he felt he needed to try to make it work but couldn’t let me go either. All of the above. He loved me but loved her. Etc. Then she found out we’d been together. He told her I had blackmailed him into seeing me just out of the blue a few weeks ago, that he told me he didn’t love me and sent me home, couldn’t tell her because he was afraid I’d hurt her, the family, etc.

She called me and left me a hate filled message that I will never break their bond.

I wrote her a letter and gave her enough information to defend myself. I was afraid she would file some sort of restraining order or blackmail charges against me. I told her when we resumed, gave a few events (such as knowing when they went to a dinner) or things to provide a timeline. I gave no intimate details and told her that she said she wanted the truth, now she had it. I didn’t want to hurt her but told her that I realized if he was so willing to lie to her about me, I knew he’d been lying to me about her and I wanted the lies to stop. And that by giving her enough info to doubt, she could find the rest she needed out – but also that I was finally breaking my loyalty and trust to HIM, thereby ensuring that he would never come back to me again.

I’ve had 2 relationships in my life. My husband cheated on me. After he left me, this man was my second one. I don’t want another one. I am too afraid to make another mistake.

My only comfort is that I stood up for myself for the first time ever. I stopped allowing him to negate me. I hate how much I let myself be nothing. I don’t hate him. I don’t hate her. I didn’t want to hurt her but I also couldn’t stand the thought of yet again being turned into nobody while the world sits at his feet.
written by Morgan C, 09 August, 2009
I’m the OW...I’m married too. Now he wants to stop the sexual part of our relationship and be "just friends". Well, he’s been married to a psycho bitch and says he hates her, says he wants out, but can’t leave because of the kids---typical of what every single man has told the OW I’m discovering. So, I come to find out that he went to a bar 15 years ago and met up with a former lover he dated and slept with...they exchanged numbers and now for 15 years he’s talked with her "once a month" (it was once a year a month the lies are coming out) and his wife has absolutely no idea he communicates with her. I told him he’s cheating with her. He said "sorry you think that". He said he has never been intimate with 15 years. I asked why even communicate with her??? And I also was told that I’m the only one that knows ALL the ugly details about his marriage....and now, when I asked if this former lover knows anything---the first thing he said was "no..if I were to tell her it would be like letting her in" and then, a month later---he said she knows some stuff, but not as much detail as I know.
Liar, Liar, Liar...........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And...when women have these affairs with all the statistics out there and the outcomes never being what they hope or dream---there is always that little glimmer of hope in our brains...the little love cocktail that screws with our brains and makes us cling to desperate hope of being the one statistic that’s different and the one who’s story is going to have the outcome we hope for.
Affairs are never worth it. Not only are we, the OW messed up, the man we had an affair with is, his family is, our hubands are....because everything we do affects everyone around us.
All the resources available, all the lessons from other people who have gone through it...and yet, we foolishly don’t listen and hope our story would just be different. It’s hopeless and should make any woman thinking about being involved with a married man hope less in that kind of relationship.
written by CaseyAnn, 09 August, 2009
You should have set it straight with the"other woman" nice as perhaps she would bow out gracefully.........
written by bumblebee, 12 August, 2009
Man, you guys playing with fire! Dont you know these women are crazy!
They always want more!
Stick with your wife!

written by spicegirl, 15 August, 2009
to: stay strong

How are things coming along.
written by seriously..., 28 August, 2009
Wow...there are a lot of wives and other women who are lied to. What strikes me as interesting are the attacks on the other woman by wives who have/are being cheated on. Staying with a man who lies and cheats and feeling special about it??...sounds like the cheated on wife has a lot more in common with the other woman than they want to face.

Men are like roaches. If you see one, you know there is a if you caught him once, it is highly unlikely that it was and will be his only affair – it is just the one that he got caught with.
written by amazed, 02 September, 2009
You know what never ceases to amaze me? That all these mm are married to crazy women....yet, they never leave or attempt to leave...and they stay married...and after they have you, they never want contact with you.

You can all assume all you dont know what goes on in a marriage or why a wife takes her husband back. All I can say is, if you want to play this game, face it when you are hurt. Sex is an act, it does not require feelings...unfortunately for women, feelings come along with the territory.

When you realize your used and hes not coming to you, you want to lash out at his wife, believe me when I tell you, she already knows what she has....she knows everything he is up to....

Let it go, ladies! You that sleep with married have it coming, sorry!
written by onceafool, 02 September, 2009
To seriously, I was a man who cheated on my wife...I cheated once and only once and I will never ever cheat again.
I realized too late, that another woman was not the answer to my problems, they compounded them by 100000000!

If there is one thing I could change, it would be that! Biggest mistake of my life. She was nothing even compared to my wife, she was there, when my wife was not....She was a woman, that I believed wanted nothing more from me. She was a woman who knew, she would be nothing more to me and was eager to get whatever she could. What I didnt know is how desperate she really was to have someone in her life.

I was not in it for anything except she gave me attention when I needed it the most. Was she more beautiful than my wife, O hell no, she couldnt compare in any way! To top it off, the sex was horrible! You dont really realize how broken you can be when things go horrible in your life and you make a poor choice like this one, to have an affair!

My wife gave me a second chance, my wife is an angel from god ! And yes, she too feels special every single day she is with me, because she is special and I do everything in my power to make her feel that way! A touch a look, You dont really know how strong your love is or how real it is till its tested!
You other women go ahead and believe the wife is the fool for taking a man back that you so desperately wanted!

Would we still be the fool if we chose you?
written by seriously..., 03 September, 2009
To: Once a fool

Why did you have sex with someone when it was horrible?
Why did you cheat on your wife for horrible sex with an unattractive woman, when she is so wonderful to you?
Why did it take you being caught to realize what you could lose? Why couldn’t you be honest with your wife BEFORE someone else told her. Without knowing your specific situation, it does sound as if you got caught and that you did not confess.

Was your relationship an ongoing affair or a one-night stand? Sounds like a one night stand, since if the sex was horrible and she wasn’t attractive, you wouldn’t have gone back for more, right?

I never said anyone was a fool, and especially not a cheating husband like yourself – you got everything you wanted – sex outside your marriage and a forgiving wife. I gather that the only thing that you didn’t want was to get caught.

Good luck and I hope you continue to realize how lucky you are to be forgiven.

written by burned, 03 September, 2009
I told his wife.
He was playing I burned him
You know who turned out to be the fool here, me.

They are still together.
written by onceafool, 04 September, 2009
Anyone who cheats is a loser and so is the person who is cheating with them.

I am not going to explain myself to you. My posts says all I want to say.
I acknowledge I made a mistake and I will go through hell and high water for the rest of my life to make it up to my wife.

My point here is, I did it once and will NOT DO IT AGAIN.
written by Honestyisthebestpolicy, 05 September, 2009
Everyone is a loser when someone cheats. No one wins. The other woman/man did not cheat anyone but them self, whereas the cheating spouse deceived their spouse (and their children if applicable). In the process multiple people got hurt and that is a tragedy.

If you are not honest about why the affair happened and place blame on someone else, or lash out and say uncomplimentary things about your cheating partner...then you still are being dishonest. I don’t think your cheating partner would have wanted a relationship with you if it were a one night stand and one would doubt that she would have told your wife under this circumstance. If you did sleep with her numerous times and carried on a relationship with her, then you obviously felt it was worth lying about at the time you were making your decision to continue an affair. Say..."I hate her for telling my wife. I hate her for hurting my family. I hate myself for doing what I did", not that the sex was bad and she was not attractive, come on now, grow up.

I realize you want to make things better with you wife, but professing your love on this website and attacking your affair partner in a public forum is not the answer. You are only asking for more problems than you already have.
written by onceafool, 07 September, 2009
Again, Ladies

This was a stupid mistake. It was not an affair.

She was not anything special, she was available and willing.

The sex was horrible, she was horrible. WHY CANT I BE HONEST HERE????

She was just another woman that was used to fill a void that could not be filled except by one, my wife.

Yes I blame myself, yes I am sorry. I am sorry for hurting my wife.

my wife has no idea about this website.
written by anotherwife, 07 September, 2009
Good for you Once a fool....I believe you are a rare breed of man that can realize he made a mistake and now, do all he can to make his life better in every way.

What you did is definitely wrong and its good you can say that. I dont believe you attacked your affair partner, I believe you said it how it really was, nothing. It meant nothing and she meant nothing to you, thats obvious.
I know how easy it can be to do stupid things when you are hurting.
The important thing her is, you realized that wasnt the answer, you realized whats important in your life, and you are getting on track.

All you ow out there, what more do you need to read for you to get it?

And no, no wife thinks she has a prize after her husband cheats with another woman. We know exactly what we have...and we also know, if you could get your hands on him, you would take him anyway you can get him...or, you wouldnt have been having sex to begin with , with him..but then all the sudden, we the wives have the PRIZE..the PRIZE YOU OW SO DESPERATELY WANT, BUT THEN WHEN THEY DONT WANT YOU, THEY ARE NO LONGER THE PRIZE ARE THEY!!! lmao
written by NOTJUDGING, 07 September, 2009
All I can say is, I hope to god, I never stoop as low as a cheater and a person who will knowingly enter into a relationship with a married man.

I am going through this now and it hurts bad. I don’t understand how people can be so vicious and self centered for their own sexual and emotional gratification.

Do any of you realize the damage you do to the spouse and the children? Maybe, as children you grew up around this and you dont realize any better, I dont know. ]
I struggle every single day, I wonder why? I wonder how a m an, who has loved me so deeply and cared for me so strongly, can in one night, throw away all we built for the last 10 years!
I dont know what kind of woman there are out there, who, think so little of themselves to be used for YEARS BY MARRIED MEN, whatever the gender!

I wonder if you ever thought about finding a great single guy, marrying him, having his babies...and another woman just coming along and offering herself when she realizes things just arent quite right in your would you feel? Yes my husband is to blame but so are you ladies.
I hope to god, i never stoop so low!
written by loser-less, 07 September, 2009
I say, call his wife, tell her about the affair to all you ow’s.

You will be doing her the greatest favor of her life..but, be sure to take him, AND DONT BRING HIM BACK!
written by I took him back, 09 September, 2009
I took my husband back. At first, it was to show the ow, that I , the wife, always had the upper hand over her!
When she called me, I knew it was her last desperate act for him, thinking, I would throw him out..but guess what, if she wouldnt have called me, I would have thrown him out, but I knew how badly she was hurting and how she wanted him and when he begged ME for another chance, I let him have it...just so she wouldnt get him!!!

I didnt care about my husband at all, for years! I really didnt care if he was out messing around, less sex he wanted from me the better!

In fact, I was hoping he found someone, suspected, but, really didnt pursue the matter.

Once she called me, it was "game on"! I had to show her, she has nothing over me...except a belly with huge stretch marks all over it..but you would think, she was Miss America with the way she bragged herself up! My space and facebook, great sites, told me all I needed to know!

So, I took him back, and at first, it was just so she couldnt have him..because I knew how badly she wanted him....and now, a year later, marriage is better than ever in every way!

Shes still alone...LOL!

written by katiedo, 11 September, 2009
The marriage isn’t in trouble because of lying and cheating. It was either over long before these things occur or it was never a true union. Marriage should be an emotional and spiritual bond not just a business and social institution. If a spouse shares intimacies outside of the marriage then they should get a backbone and leave the so-called marriage.

A spouse should want to share everything with their partner. One who is choosing to do so outside of the marriage should not be calling themselves married. Any spouse who takes back the legal partner because he/she thinks that person is their soul mate should think twice.
written by spicegirl, 12 September, 2009
I wish it was just cut and dry as you believe it is. Its not.
Obviously you are not married.
There are many reason why people chose to stay in a relationship..many reasons! Love, is the most important one. But, you need to understand, people can get lost emotionally for all the wrong reasons, step outside their marriage and realize they made a mistake.

If you believe this mistake will never happen again, and you understand how it happened, you both can grow form the experience and have a love greater than imaginable.

Just like the old dont know what you got till its gone!

Obviously, you are the ow here, if you believe you will never sleep with a married man again, then have faith that a married man will never make that mistake again. It works both ways.
written by soulmate, 13 September, 2009
I think you ow are confused thinking YOU are the soulmate because mm is stepping out of his marriage to be with you......most of the time, people who cheat will realize, what they had is more than what they thought they had, and that spouse, IS their soul mate and no one could ever take their place...then, the other person gets tossed aside.

The other person is hurt and angry for being hurt and used and begins to form a fantasy in their mind, as to why the married spouse will not leave, it all comes down to-LOVE. People will either find their way back to their love or find a way to be with someone THEY love. simple.
written by finished, 14 September, 2009
I agree OW tell the wife. I have been married for 11 years & been w/ him for 16. I would have liked the courtesy of an explanation on how you(a married woman) can fall in love w/ my husband. The Ow had the nerve to tell me to let when go. Funny because I didn’t know we were having marriage problems till I found out about you. Little does she know he wouldn’t have left me for her because of who she is. He wouldn’t let you go either He would have continued to use you. You two can talk & text daily & you can think he’s pouring his soul out to you on what a bad wife he has. That’s why we had that second conversation. Now you know where I stand. Yes am getting a divorce & you can have him but guess he won’t like being second. He’ll have to share you w/ your husband. You think you can hold his attention now? You only opened your legs to him & gave him some confronting words on a fake marriage problem. He didn’t love you but told you he did. Your marriage maybe really bad but he can’t take care of you because he only thinks of self. Don’t care about you because you’ve been my focus for too long. Now my husband is trying to get my attention & ignoring you.. oh well between the two of us we both know who’s better. My husband only care about himself & only tells you what he think will get him laid.
written by another broken heart, 14 September, 2009
Finished, very well put! Sounds like he wants you back and realizes now he made a huge mistake!

She sounds like a real class act!

God bless you!
written by stabbedintheback, 17 September, 2009
I was a wife who was cheated best friend was involved keeping HIS secret...

To him...YOU WERE my lover, my best friend, my biggest fan, my everything, I adored you..when I needed you the most, you turned to someone else, for this, I will never be the same person, I will never look upon you with "love" in my eyes, you will see disappointment, hate, fear, , you will always be a FAILURE, A WEAK MAN. I will know, in this life, the only person I will or can ever depend upon is ME! I hope when you look at me, you realize what you did to me, and that one day, I will take the knife out of my back and cut your heart out of your chest and give you the pain and the unrest you have given me!

To my best friend, another betrayer, you took another part of me, a trust another bond, a special gift between two women, and you trampled on it. You kept a secret purposely from me knowing full well the pain and agony it would cause me, you encouraged a relationship that you knew was wrong and hurtful and you took my deepest feelings along with my tears and brought them to another woman for her enjoyment and her pleasure to bring down what I worked so hard for. For this, you no longer exist to me. I hope whenever you hear the word FRIEND YOU REALIZE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU COULD NEVER BE!

To the ow, well, what can I say? I can’t blame you in anyway except that you used poor judgment and in the end, all you got was a broken heart. You are lucky enough to have not lost what I did! I hope you can sleep good at night, because, I never will. I hope one day you find a man you can love and trust, because I never will. I hope you can forget this, because I never will.

I , have lost 2 people that I thought I could count on the rest of my life.
written by Juniper, 18 September, 2009
I have been taken advantage of by a grand liar, in the same scenario as many other women. I sympathize with them all, whether they be the other woman or the wife. I married when I was very young, my high school sweetheart. We went our separate ways after 15 years of marriage due to incompatibility issues. I raised two daughters over the next 12 years and led my life as a single, celibate woman. I did not date, but had good friends, male and female. When I met this man, I had only dated two other men in my entire life, one prior to my ex-husband. The man I gave my whole heart was not who he appeared to be, just a front and a false face to get what he wanted. By the time I realized it, I was deeply emotionally involved with him. He was and is a true narcissist who really loves only himself, his one true love. If you are the wife, I plead for compassion for the other woman, she is most likely an innocent victim of a man who is a perfected liar. It’s difficult even now for me to comprehend how a human being can be so utterly selfish and have such disregard for another. That being who I am, I think is what made me an easy target. I am not a low person as some wives would claim. I am a trusting and loving person who has always wanted to believe the best in other people.
written by finished, 22 September, 2009
Noone said YOU Juniper was a low woman. My point is The OW get involved knowing the man is married then claims her heart is broken. What about mine? I am his W. I’ve laid w/ this man thru thick & thin. The OW didn’t help him w/ a bill, illness or heartache w/ the death of his mother. That was me. Don’t think he gave true accounts of our marriage. I was there & lived it. My H was only thinking about self. he didn’t care about his children or me & for a piece of ass. P***Y that wasn’t his in the first place. I know some Ow don’t share this story & truly feel they love the Om but that’s fantasy. you really don’t know him, never really had a date outside the bedroom. Some men prey on women & those are the types of men that lie, cheat & steal Ow heart. As a true woman you will not because second best. Look @ your situation if he won’t leave he’s not in love. So he talked to you on what you thought was his deepest thoughts...They know how to play the game...Game hasn’t changed just the players. They don’t use polarid cameras anymore we have digital & cell phone that you can text porn pictures to make sure he thinks about you. Some women may not have many relationships & maybe a easy target but married is married & that’s all day long. I don’t get how these Ow feel they are responsible for making these bastard H feel better & fill in what they claim they missing. YOU ALL ARE OUTSIDERS IN THE MARRIAGE!!!! Just like me the OW is regular girl w/ needs & feelings & just herself over her head. I feel for her because she may have true feelings & needs to grieve for him but he was never her’s to begin with.v
written by feelingyourpain, 23 September, 2009
absolutely finished...I dont get it either why the ow THINKS they can "fill in" what the husband is missing!

They think they can use their "sex" ..guess what, we wives have what you have...we can do what you ow can do.....these men have serious problems with themselves...another woman is definitely NOT the solution to their problems!
written by happilymarried, 25 September, 2009
To honesty is the best policy,

I read your post to "onceafool" and you state that you think his cheating partner wouldnt have had an affair if she realized it would only be a one night stand...YOU ARE MISTAKEN!

There are a lot of women out there, that will say and do whatever for a man....I believe she wanted more, but said she was OK with just the sex, no attachments....and then she got mad when she realized she wasnt getting what she wanted....him, the fool....

I believe she lashed out very angry and made trouble for him......I lived this..I know the type of women that are out there.... I saw my husbands emails to HER saying hes in a bad place...and this is wrong...and I saw HER EMAIL BACK>...SAYING "I can have sex, no problem"....well, it wasnt a problem when she was getting him and she thought she could steal him away.....then all the sudden, he ended it..and it became a HUGE PROBLEM SAW THOSE THREATENING EMAILS TO TELL ME IF HE DIDNT COME AND SEE HER...which by the way, he did not..hence, I got the phone call....

So you see, there are just viscous women out there...
written by Honestyisthebestpolicy, 26 September, 2009
To Happily Married,

You misread my post...what I wrote was that if it were only a one night stand – not a longer term relationship the cheating partner probably would have not cared enough to call the wife. However, when the relationship lasts for months, years, whatever, of course the other woman will form an attachment. Hence my point to the guy who wrote the post is that there is a big difference between "cheating once" versus "one affair". I could forgive a one night stand, but months or years of lying and cheating would be harder because then either my husband would have cared nothing about our marriage, thinking meaningless sex was more important than our relationship, or the relationship with the other woman did mean something to him. Either way it would hurt.

I am glad you were able to forgive your husband. It definitely is easier to forgive than to carry resentment.
written by happily married, 29 September, 2009
I guess it all depends Honestyisthebestpolicy...some guys can cheat for months and years and it means nothing – just as much as a one night stand....others cheat and fall in love in one night...who knows...each case is different because the people involved are different.

All I know is, this one my husband tangled up with...she just formed an attachment way too soon, I know the time lines I know when he saw her ,how often..I saw all the emails...etc.....They saw each other 2 times sexually within a 5 day span (both times husband was drunk)....emailed, texted and talked from the middle of June till middle of july when it ended...I know she meant nothing to him, he used her to make himself feel good when he was losing everything else in his, his job...etc...she made him feel better about himself, he was a drunken fool..but, by the grace of god, the last night they were together, (she drank as much as he did or more)in his drunken stupor, he looked at her and realized, how low he really was and he needs to fight for what he has because he will lose it all...since then, he has stopped drinking, he has gotten promoted at work..and our marriage is beyond anything I could have imagined....and yes, I am very thankful I was able to forgive him....theres no resentment for her either, she lead him home, to me.
written by still crazyafteralltheseyears, 29 September, 2009
I got the call on 9-15-2003, " why don’t you ask that sleazebag of a husband about the woman he’s been having an affair with for 3 1/2 years?" Her divorce was going to be final in October and she wanted him to leave me and the 5 children.He had met her that morning,on a Sunday, telling me he wanted to get an early start, going out for coffee". She called after he said no and was on his way home. She wouldn’t tell me who she was, said she didn’t know what she wanted.He arrived when I was talking to her, went to sit in the yard, answered my questions. She was an assistant prosecuting attorney in our town. She called his cell phone when we went out of town to " their hotel". We met at my insistence. She wasn’t happy with the conversation, said he was her best friend, they talked every day, that she had racked her brain trying to think of a way we could all have what we wanted. I wish I knew what she thought I wanted but I said," what do you mean, group sex?" I offered him a trial separation,he said no, but over the next 3-4 years, he continued to talk to, meet with her. (maybe still is).Around April of 2004, I saw her # on his cell phone, went ballistic and basically threw him out of the house. He went traveling; New York, Chicago, Florida. He’s retired and we don’t have a lot of money, two kids were in college, youngest 16.) I told him to come home so that we could talk about what we were going to do. I went to the cell phone company to get the latest bill and found 69 calls from him to her and an equal # from her.It turns out that he spent the night with her before he came to the house the next am, bringing yellow roses( for remembrance,36 years married).He was furious that I had the phone detail, but he didn’t go back that night. She called our home phone and left a voice message of him telling her that I was talking "divorce". We have been to counseling, together and separately, three of our kids have been to counseling. My mom has been with us for 3 1/2 years, 85 year old hospice patient. I worked for from 2006-2008 and my husband took care of my mom. He continues to help with her care and I appreciate that but I don’t trust him. He is educated but pretty dumb about lying and secrets. I know that he goes on-line all the time, saying he’s 10 years younger than he is, looking for a "dominant woman". If I confront him, he makes light of it, saying he’s curious. Odd thing is he is religious, meditates every day, makes note of sexual thoughts,lies etc. When my mom passes away, I plan to join the peace corps. I need to have something for myself, away from the crazy making, lying cheating psycho personality. I haven’t even touched on all the calls I got from her or the fact that I called her boss and threatened her with a lawsuit for marriage interference. this whole thing has been devastating for me and my children. probably for him and her too but, for God’s sake, guys and gals, if you’re not happy in your marriage, work to make it right or be honest enough to end it honorably before you start screwing around.
written by diamondgirl, 30 September, 2009
The ow called me to tell me about her affair with my husband....I threw him out.

He has been begging me and trying to come home for the last 4 months.....I wonder if she knows how he talks about her? I wonder if she knows how many times he calls me....I wonder if she knows how he tells me he still loves me and she is the biggest mistake of his life...I wonder..................
written by bestrong, 02 October, 2009
Glad i found this site. I met a man beginning of the year and we have spent a lot of time together truly believing this was the man for me, he lives about 30minutes from me and due to our work schedules we would see each prob only 3 times a week but spent alot of the other time talkin/textin. Been to what i thought was his place numerous times and spent the night. He told me he works a lot and hasn’t had a relationship in years and he has no kids and would love for us to have one "cause we would have the most beautiful baby" Let me add a true gentleman he met most of my friends and some family and they all loved him. 3 weeks ago someone that lives in my town stopped at my house asking me how i knew him and if i knew he was married with kids!?! WHAT!!! yeepers his supposingly place was really not his was his brothers! And not only did he lie to me about not having a wife, he lied about having 2 kids to her. Devastated, humiliated, hurt, angry i am all that! when i confronted him he said that "its complicated" that he makes a lot of money and that hes not happy with her but because he didn’t want her to take all his money in the divorce he "keeps the peace" but is not happy and loves me more than her AND REALLY expected me to be okay with that! I have never been in this situation before and it hurts, GOD does it hurt. He continued to call me but i had his number blocked. I didn’t know how this could be his phone never rang, text messages were only from me WHY coz im pretty sure she never even knew about his phone and got it only for his "affair" when i had the # blocked the phone was in his mothers name WWOOOOWW! I think about him/the situation every minute of everyday but know only time can heal this. I wanted to tell his wife, i still do, i go back and forth with it in my head. But really i feel bad for her and i don’t want anyone to hurt the way ive been hurt, but ladies think of this – having been, the other woman, even when i had no idea i was... i know where u are all coming from... u were wounded and in this case, the one who was hurt... and u want to open her eyes... but as a woman...
u know...
i know...
she knows...

she may not know your name, what you look like... or u... but if she really loves him...

she knows...

she could feel it..
and while for a short bit of time... it might have some passing warm fuzzy( for you)
to know that you "enlightened her" but...
I wish I could hug all of you and give the strength of a thousand women...
Shrug your shoulders proudly and walk away... This is not your fight. That loser, is not your man...
Should she come to you... Answer her honestly... HONESTLY... but for now... find another because there is a wonderful man out there for you!

written by now im the ow, 04 October, 2009
I am a wife whose husband had a brief sexual encounter with the another woman.

It happened when we had the most severe trauma in our marriage. Husband and I worked on our marriage but ow was bitter, she fell in love with husband and called me to fill me in on the details of the affair along with texts and emails..... After all I was through, I couldnt believe he could take this step and it was the last straw! I told him its over!
...after 3 weeks of crying , begging pleading....he finally left...he was so broken, he went to her, the ow.

he called me all the time, sent me flowers, begging me, let him come home....he came to the house 2 times last week to see me...the sexual attraction was irresistible..we had sex like we never have....and it was HOT! ...we have no children, we both make excellent money so theres no need for him to feel he needs to care for now, WE are texting , talking emailing and having sex every chance we get........this morning....I called her, and sent her pics and texts....ahhhhhhh what a feeling!-paybacks are a b*tch!

Husband and I plan on working this out!
written by mmm, 07 October, 2009
Talking about LT affairs here, not one night stands: Why are all these wives going on about saving their marriages, ‘we’re stronger than ever!’, OW are losers. Surely a woman who stays with someone who repeatedly lies to you and breaks your trust. Wives and OW who waste their time and energy standing by this idiot, selfish cake-eaters have only themselves to blame. They are indulging this crappy behavior by a (ow) making themselves available and b) (wives) forgiving or tolerating it. Cheaters never learn through other’ suffering, only their own. These jokers need to be alone, single, and have to face themselves without the security of a marriage or an affair. They obviously don’t know what love or normal relationships are, therefore they shouldn’t get involved in them!!!
written by spicegirl, 07 October, 2009
I agree with you mmm...long term affairs are UNFORGIVABLE! I can forgive a mistake, but only, because in my case, I know what I was doing and I knew where he was emotionally........and that was very very hard for me to do...very hard!

Long term, thats leading a double life to me. Thats not a mistake, thats calculating, sneaky, ...I could just go on!

That kind of man, doesnt deserve any woman for sure and why he married in the first place is beyond me...maybe, he didnt know how to wash clothes!
written by trying to get off this ride, 07 October, 2009
My husband met this woman, he emailed her , texted, talked to her over a course of 2 month and then slept with her. Within a week of that encounter, the guilt was eating him up, and he ended it.

She called me. She fell for him hard. I guess prior to calling me and after it ended with her, she stalked him, threatened him, made his life a living hell, which, im glad she did!!

I believed his relationship with her lasted more than what he was telling me ( 2 months) because she was telling me how she loved him, how I dont deserve him, you know...blah blah blah...she had planned a future with him, etc.
He has shown me phone records for the last year, and her calls to him did start in the month he told me he met her and then ended when he said it ended..but something just tells me...she just formed too strong of an attachment to that normal?
He tells me, I have to put myself in her shoes, 39 years old, never married, wants a man to take care of her, wants to be married before her father dies, and where he was at at the time of this relationship, she thought she had him, because he was down and depressed and our marriage was ending, but not ended.

I dont know. All I know is, I didnt ask for this. But, now, Im living it. I wish spouses who are ready to take that step would just leave and go with this ow/om. Why drag us down with them.

He so sorry now, and begging me and all I want to do is kick him when hes down.

I have no anger toward her. She got roped into his stupidity and unfortunately fell hard for him. If she only knew, she could gladly have had him at the time this was going on, but he wasnt letting me go, he was trying to work on our marriage. So in essence he lied to her while he was lying to me,( I asked him if he found someone and if he did to go, but he said he didnt)....he has said she was used to stroke his ego, she made him feel good about him self...when I wasnt wanting him and elsewhere emotionally outside our marriage, till he was able to get me back into our marriage and then, he dumped her.

I dont like the way people use others for their own selfish needs, but, we are all human and its a fact of life, here is my husband...using another woman who is hopeful of a dream, if I wouldnt have come back, would she have known,she still wouldnt have that dream with him? He said shes not the kind of woman he would go into a long term relationship with.

I know she harbors much resentment against me, not him...and I did not do anything to her, I was not the one that slept with her and tossed her aside, he did. She called my H that night after she called me....and his tone and what he was saying, I couldnt imagine ever coming from his mouth, he was cold and totally uncaring for her. Her last email to him was that she still cared and she was sorry.

That just blows my mind....she hates me, I dont know anything about her, never met her...but he treats her like shit and she wants to be friends????
written by someonewhoknows, 12 October, 2009
The ONLY woman that is a real threat to a marriage is the one that will NOT sleep with the married man!

Remember that!!!
written by someonewhoknows, 12 October, 2009
Sorry, accidentally hit transmit, I say this because, when you’re easy, a man will take what you offer him....and you will be worth nothing in his heart, just an easy lay, and that will stick with him, if he does leave his wife, he will find a woman, like her, one who made him work for it.

Not one that gives everything after 2 drinks, not one, that is waiting for any stolen moment, who will drop everything to be with him.

He will want the woman that says "you go home and clean up your life, then, you come back to me, in the mean time, Im going on with life!"
Thats the woman he will want, that is the one, he will leave everything for, because she has class, and grace and morals! She will not lower herself to his level and engage in an affair! He will want what he cant have! And if he really wants it, he will give everything up for do I know.....9 years, going strong!!!
written by j’s wife, 15 October, 2009
Im a wife who was told.

Do you ow’s realize how desperate of an act that is? How desperate it makes you look? Most wives, when it cools down, will feel sorry for you, like I do for my husbands
2 month affair.

Im glad the sex happened between them, because only then did he realize what kind of easy women, who will degrade themselves for any attention from a man, are out there! She made him realize how good of a woman I really am!

Then, when she got "crazy" and called me, is when we both realized...bottom of the barrel...desperate!

Now its been over a year and after a few pathetic failed attempts to get him...she has finally left us alone!

She should have checked me out first, she would have realized...shes not even in my class...and the minute my husband was hopeful of another chance, she was out the door!

Get some self respect for yourselves! Dont let men use you like this!
written by inquiring mind wants to know, 17 October, 2009
Do you other women who call the wives, ever feel like a fool afterwards? When you realize, she’s not going to throw him out like you planned?

Do you realize how you look like fools when you call? Nothing says LOSER like a woman who is angry enough to call the wife !

You arent telling us anything we dont already know. Believe me, we know the fool better than you ever will!

written by 2timed, 17 October, 2009

You ladies need to get a life too, you made a mistake doing him in the first place, now, let him go if he wants to move on or go back to his wife!

Such desperation is pitiful!

You put your all out there for him to take! Now, he doesnt want you, let him go!
written by mrs. x, 17 October, 2009
I wasnt told, but, she can have him! I think she started to figure out the pain and agony I was living in! He wants to come home now, no f-ing way!

The ow was the best thing that happened to me! Take that beer belly, bald, good for nothing, drinking sob, cook for his fat ass, clean up after his lazy ass...and screw his stinking ass!
I got his house, and 50% of his salary and a new man that is 7 years younger than he is!!!

Life is good!
written by kv, 20 October, 2009
I told my affair partner who was also my boss that if he came to me again..I’d tell her. My intent was to scare the crap out of him so he’d not make me the target of his cake eating. But he broke up with her almost the same time I made the threat on his machine. She dumped him actually, not over me. I am glad he’s out because he and I are too involved to extract ourselves from each other easily. This is why I wanted to destroy his trust in me, so as to make it easier for it to end.

I am thinking about the poor other women in love and was left after five years. A lot of people don’t understand..when you are in are insane and its crazy and you are weak and foolish and blind and if the married man is the type to exploit that he will.

To the OP...if you are still married after five years of having an affair..and she is clueless...then something is missing there and I am not sure you can bring it back. I am reminded by the song by Billy Joel "The Stranger".

written by barely there, 21 October, 2009
Actually, I pity you...kv!
Good luck with him! In 5 years, you will realize how smart the one before you really was getting rid of him!!!

Only when he does to you...will you realize how foolish it it to lead with your heart and not with your mind!
written by no envious, 22 October, 2009
Kv, you think you got a prize dont you! LMAO
written by onewhocalled, 30 October, 2009
I called. Not out of desperation. Not because I wanted to hurt her. Not even because I wanted to hurt him. However, after three years, and finding out about him and a couple of other women, after leaving my marriage and losing my home with the hope for "us" to work out, I couldn’t carry around the burden any longer. Something had to give. It was a great relief. I still care for him and truly hope that he can be honest with his wife and find the happiness he seeks there at home once the truth is all out, and hopefully stop cheating. I myself am ashamed, not for calling, but for allowing myself to get into such a situation in the first place. Obviously I must have some serious self esteem issues. While he works on his marriage, I need to work on myself. Sometimes, calling can be liberating for all parties involved. It’s not always done in a retaliatory manner. He needs help, and I couldn’t help him. Thats her place. Unfortunately the OW can’t implement consequences the way a wife can. Sadly, I still harbor some hope for us, no one wants to believe they were such a fool. With any luck, my hope will fade.
written by a sister, 01 November, 2009
one who called, you only got what you had coming....hes a cheater louse, what made you think he would be different for you??? You dont think he once had a beautiful relationship with his wife? You think he married her for any other reason but, he thought at one time he couldnt live with her?

So you say you didnt do it out of spite, you did. I feel sorry for you.
written by a sister, 01 November, 2009
whose down with opp...yeah me! Can you be so desperate women>>>> CAn you??? Unreal!
written by the truth will set you free, 03 November, 2009
Why dont you feel the need to inform the SO before you start screwing him??????
written by onewhocalled, 04 November, 2009
Why? You want to believe that this person truly loves you. You wait patiently while they try to get their act together to leave. I left my husband to be with him, so I believed (and was promised) that he would do the same. My father left my mother for his OW 20 years ago; she is now his SO and they lived happily ever after. There’s a 1% chance that it can be for real. All of us OW want to believe that we will be in that 1%. My husband also cheated on me for years. I always had to find evidence and call the women myself. They all denied and covered for him. If just one of them had been honest with me from the start I would have been able to make informed decisions about my life and my health many years ago. I know all you SO’s want to blame the OW, I am now friends with some of my exes OW who I used to blame, the fact is, they are falling for a man who pushes hard to get what he wants and knows how to manipulate and say all the things you need to hear. This man knew my marriage was vulnerable and he went in for the kill. He destroyed my life and that of my children with lies upon lies. There was no evidence that he did not mean what he said. His actions all indicated he intended to leave an unhappy situation as soon as financially ready. The fact of the matter is, there are many men and women in unhappy unhealthy marriages that are simply stuck because of family and cultural influences or financial reasons. I was one of them, I made the mistake of believing he was also. As the days pass, I am very happy with my decision to call. He was having unprotected sex with his wife, me and a multitude of other women. She has the right to this information. If she choses to ignore, than that is her choice. He wasn’t giving her the information she deserved to make decisions about her own life.
The only people who feel I did the wrong thing by calling seem to be the people involved in extramarital relations themselves.
Was I wrong to get involved with a married man (especially when I myself was married) yes. You can beat me up about that all you would like, we are on the same side.
written by diamondgirl, 11 November, 2009
I say tell the wife, call the wife, whatever works for you, because, it gives us the ultimate satisfaction knowing he hurt you so badly, you had to call us!!!

What other motivation is there? You cant feel sorry for us now,did u feel sorry when you were stripping down spreading your legs open for him???? I bet not, only ..after he kicked your ass out of only feel sorry for yourself and want revenge! But, the only thing you succeed in doing, is showing the wife how pitiful you really really are and thanks for that!>>smilies/grin.gif

Right now, I find much much consolation in the fact that she got burned soooo badly, she called me!
written by mme, 15 November, 2009
One who called....after reading your post, I realized thought the affair would turn out like your fathers.

Children learn from their parents. Its too bad you had roles models like that in your life.
Cheating isnt good, ever, whether it works out or not.
written by always number 1, 15 November, 2009
to my husbands ow who called me
You surely think you got one over on me dont you? He has you so bitter, doesnt he! LOL! You actually believed all that bullshit he was telling you!
First of all, Id like to set the record straight with YOU!
I didnt give one shit about him! I lost interest in him YEARS before you came along! I was secretly HOPING he would find someone else..because I sure as hell did!

So you had him two times...and the second time, when he spent QUALITY time with you, he realized, you just arent QUALITY, you are a desperate woman, looking for any man to take care of her, he got your "number’ immediately and RAN HOME!
What blows my mind, is how GREAT YOU THINK YOU ARE!! You are one hell of a catch right??? Is that why you cant hold on to a man, even a man, that was so broken down emotionally and lost, thats the easiest type to hold on to, yet, he ran like hell from you!
I wonder if he told you, how he begged me, to give our marriage another chance. Did he tell you that while he was chatting you up, he was a doting husband, doing all he could for me, but I didnt want him, I didnt care. I bet not!!!
From what I gathered from your phone call, you surely are one hurt, pathetic lonely desperate woman!
I dont know how you could believe after a man has a woman like me, he would settle for something like YOU!
You know, after WE talked, I was all prepared to KICK HIM OUT, BUT he looked so lost and pathetic, crying , so so sorry....and, at that moment, I realized , I do love this man, and he loves me so much AND BETTER YET, you want him so so, I decided, I WILL KEEP HIM JUST SO YOU CANT HAVE HIM! And now, so glad I did, I am one spoiled rotten queen! From a huge new a brand new camaro! Whatever I want, he makes sure i get it! he almost lost me once...and he will make sure that wont happen again!

hey, by the way, when your cold and alone in bed...I am snuggled up tightly to HIM!
written by guest101, 27 November, 2009
To one who called....did you feel the need to tell his wife while you were still doing him, or after you found out, you werent the only one?
written by crazy comments, 05 December, 2009
You people posting who are involved in affairs and aiming for them to develop into relationships need to develop yourselves. A person shows themselves to be unfaithful and that is somehow grounds for you to love them? Doesn’t their cheating preclude them from being able to have a monogamous relationship with you? A person is who they show themselves to be through their actions. Unless you can love them with the expectation that they will fool around on you (and you on them – open relationship), you need to ditch them fast.
written by TheLovelyWife, 11 December, 2009
This is for the person who posted under the name ‘always
number 1’. You are my HERO!smilies/smiley.gif I couldn’t have said it any better myself. These OW’s that think they’re one upping the wife are truly clueless. And yes they cannot hold onto any man so they justify themselves by going after married men, then when they get dumped they use that as an excuse!

"I dont know how you could believe after a man has a woman like me, he would settle for something like YOU!"

Again to always number 1- I couldn’t have said it any better myself!
written by sing4me, 20 December, 2009
its an all loose situation. your only cheating yourself. no matter what side your on.
written by morethanthis, 24 December, 2009
To all of you who think all OW who call the W are trying to one up.. it’s absolutely ridiculous to make such broad generalizations. There may be other reasons involved. Perhaps the MM is emotionally abusive and the OW wants to end the pain and be sure it does not happen to any other woman. These things are complicated and there is no lickety-split answer.
I have been the OW for 2 years with a real passive-aggressive narcissist. Yes, I know I need to work on my self esteem and move on. And yes, I was a fool and then realized that enough pain was enough. I have had thoughts of suicide, guilt, etc. Its been hell and I do want to make it right. I did call their house and leave a message. I thought for sure he would leave me alone, but no! He is back 24 hours later. We have also been outed by an accidental airline call to verify ticket changes – because I was trying to come home the arguments were so bad! Did that outing matter to W? NO. I want to tell her, I want to end the pain and reclaim my life. But is it damn hard. I will hurt her, ruin him, and live with that the rest of life. Those of you who are rooting to tell the W, please put yourself in my shoes and see if it is so easy. It was damn near impossible to make that first call, and nothing changed! Clearly she wants to avoid and he wants to keep contacting me. It will come to the point will I will call her cell and talk to her and change my own life completely so he cannot contact or find me. And dont forget retribution! He has threatened me to make his own calls if I call her. And who knows how he will paint me to her once I call her – although I do have proof to prove otherwise. I am scared for all of us. These aren’t cut and dry situations. I DO feel she deserves to know so that she can make her own informed choices. I KNOW it will throw them together. What do you suggest when I have already outed him and she keeps turning a blind eye and waiting for it to disappear – all the while he keeps contact?
written by unknown2222, 28 December, 2009
I was having an affair with a married man for 5 years. I got pregnant for him after a year into our relationship. Ken has a son in his current marriage and a daughter from a previous relationship. Once i got pregnant, ken promised me if i have an abortion he would get a divorce and marry me. He thought if i had the baby, it would complicate his life with his child and be pleaded with me. I cared about him a lot and didnt want to hurt him so i took care of it. After i did he treated me like shit. I was hurting so badly because of the poor decision i made under false promises. I tried to get his attention but he kept pushing me away. I threatened him to tell his wife b/c i was so angry and hurt. we worked together however I never would have acted upon my threats. he got another job and left the company. we continued to stay in touch and see each other frequently. he left me one holiday weekend and it broke my heart and i contacted his wife. he was upset at me however he still stayed with me and told me that he was separated. after a few months he said he wanted us to fix things and he would get a divorce. I later found out he bought a house for his family and was going on family vacations and never was separated. He continued to lie to me at great lengths. we went away on vacation and the same weekend we came back he left the country for an international assignment which he never told me about. After contacting his wife twice to find out the truth about whether he was separated or not, he continued to see me even though he was upset. After leaving the country i was devastated and angry and hurt. I reacted poorly and he got fired from his job. i do regret that he got fired but i am still angry at him for the way he treated me and i am having difficulties shaking this. he hates me now very much and told me he will overcompensate to make his marriage work. does anyone have any feedback on this?
written by soleil, 01 January, 2010
I told the wife not in the hope she would divorce him and then I would have a chance to have him all to myself.
When I finally realized that the relation with my MM was a big lie – that he was seeing other OW – that he did not care about me at all...I decided to tell – because he was a MM of type Tiger Woods (many OW at the same time)...I think specially in that case – the wife deserves to know that their husband is that type of MM so they can make the choice to keep him or not... And telling also made certain my MM would never try to contact me again – I am FREE – but HURTING a lot – still a long route ahead...for the MM ( hope he learns something out of this), the wife ( hope she finds a good man ) and myself ( hope I find a good man )...

Happy new year to all OW and wife of MM.
Hoping more and more OW will stop protecting the MM and will tell the wife – your MM don’ t love you – if they would love you they would be with you – as simple as that... You love them and you would do anything to be with them – right?
written by whatdoidonow, 14 January, 2010
Hello everyone,

Thank you for all your posts, it’s helpful to read them and know I’m not alone. As with many of your stories, I fell for a taken (not married) guy. He told me he was officially still in a relationship (implying it was all but over), said he hardly saw her and that he wanted to be with me... I fell completely head over heels for this guy and as we were spending more and more time together, I believed his story that nothing was happening with his soon-to-be ex.

Let’s skip forward 4 years... we have never lived in the same town, always made special trips to see each other whenever we could. When I asked about him seeing other women, he got defensive and told me I had nothing to worry about. But now I know this whole time he was still with the original girlfriend and had multiple other women on the side. He also has a kid with the first girl who I never knew about!

So obviously I’m outta there. Hurt, yes, betrayed, yes, guilty, yes i guess so... but what I want to do now is tell his ‘main’ girlfriend what he is like (and I have solid proof). I think she may suspect it, but believe me, he is a freakishly good liar. She has his child and I think she deserves to know so she can make an informed choice about her life and the life of her child. I don’t want him back, don’t even want to speak to him again. But another motive for exposing him is to cause him pain, like he has done to numerous women over the years. I would tell her anonymously, as I also suspect he is capable of lashing out at me if he knew who told her.

My question to you people is: what would you do in my situation? Any advice would be most welcome. Thank you for your understanding and thoughtful contributions.
written by always number 1, 16 January, 2010
As long as you ow are hopeful for a relationship, you dont want to call the wife, you want to keep your big secret with him and do all you can for him, but as soon as your hopes are dashed, you want to make his life a living hell...and how can you accomplish this, you cant hurt him so you want to hurt what he loves, his wife, you know you can get to him through her......

You all deserve your broken hearts! Why would you do something so foolish???
Chances are, if the mm is bashing his wife and his marriage, you better believe he has issues at home that he isnt man enough to address!
You only want to accomplish an end to his want to make his life miserable the only way you can..through his wife..because he doesnt give 2 hoots about cant touch him emotionally!
But let me just explain this to look PATHETIC IN THE WIFES EYES! We know first of all, what type of woman you are...and 2nd, we know our husbands....depending on the situation, what lead him to cheat, we can forgive most of in the case of tiger woods, his wife elin, she be thankful that he had so many women, not one of them could do anything for him, therefore, he was never satisfied..but who didnt he ever want to lose??? His wife. Thats why youre all secrets!!!

Men who have so many women, have deeper issues and those issues are within ware of the man who blames his wife!!! If we are mean, than you damn well believe, he is pissing us of with his stupidity, if we dont have sex with him anymore....HE NO LONGER MOTIVATES US!, ask yourself....WHY IS HIS WIFE LIKE THIS, WHAT IS HE DOING????

Wake up and KNOW who the women are who will sleep with them the easy one....and they know the ones who will tell them to go to, which will you be?
written by Lied to too, 23 January, 2010
My situation sounds like so many of these OWs except my guy is divorced. I would NOT have gotten involved had he not been. I even asked for proof, which he provided. However, I have only recently come to find out that he still lives with his ex! I had been having some gut feelings about their relationship when I found out he lied to me about a vacation they took. But he "claims" they are friends and it is for the "kids"! Now, call me naive but I have never been in this situation before, so I had no idea that this is a common lie. Now after reading all these stories, I am overwhelmed and feel like an idiot! See, they live in Europe and I net him in the states. He had been here for several months and said he was relocating but had to go back to Europe to finalize things. When we were together, the ex was constantly calling and texting. He said she was "unstable" "couldn’t let go" etc... and I believed him! He even bought me a diamond ring and said that was a preview for our future!

When I first caught him in a lie, it was that they were all going to be together for three weeks during the holidays, of course, he had said he was going back to Europe for this, but I found out they were coming here! I should have ended it then, and only in hindsight do I realize that he would have continued that lie had I not found out. Then this last lie is tat he doesn’t live with her – but surprise – they do live together! Yet divorced for two years! He says they have tried to reconcile but he is over it – until now – his guilt is so huge for the kids etc that he doesn’t know what to do. So I ended it. Told him to forget about me and good luck.

Here is my dilemma. I want to tell her. I know she has been going crazy with this, just as I have and I’m sure he has been lying to her just as he lied to me. The lies drove me crazy and in her case, it can only be much worse since she has a history with him. I want to tell her that I am available to her if she wants the truth, but give no intimate details, but also to tell her it is over. I think she should know, and if she decides to stay with him, I hope they can work it out, but I think she should move on with her life because he is dangerous with his deception and will only be harmful to her in the long run. However, my main motivation is so she will know some of the truth and also that I have ended it.

Believe me when I say, I had no idea he even lived with her or that it was anything more than a friendship for the children as I saw divorce papers from 2007.

What should I do???
written by some insight, 23 January, 2010
Lied too.......his actions are showing you he still feels obligated to his wife. I think you need to look at "yourself" and wonder is this what you want especially after you caught him in a lie.
written by SINKING SHIP, 28 January, 2010





written by cath1221, 07 February, 2010
We were in a bad place in our marriage and I was hurt very deeply by what he did....but, he turned to someone he thought was a good friend but instead, she preyed on his, she told hm I was having an affair and she did everything she could to try and steal him....(how the hell do you steal someone???lmao) but anyway....2 encounters and it was over, and he fought to win me back and left her out in the cold!

I know she never meant anything to him, that was obvious!

She called me up when she couldnt manipulate him anymore and she wasnt getting what she wanted from him, so she tried to cause problems, and she did, but what she didnt count on, was, her actions alone, her desperation for what kept me with my husband!
She will always be referred to as the crazy woman!!!
written by cocopuff, 08 February, 2010
Dear Sinking ship, you know what sickens me about men(using the term loosely) like you? is when you were fucking the ow and entrusting her with very personal things occurring in your didn’t think the ow was a BITCH now did you?! she was probably the best thing since sliced bread!! and if NOT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU ENGAGE HER A 2ND TIME OR JEOPARDIZE YOUR MARRIAGE WITH THE BITCH(YOUR WORDS)??

STOP being a punk!!! you played the game and you LOST so don’t be a sore loser by devaluing this this woman!! she like you made a mistake BUT she wasn’t stupid enough to entrust a MARRIED MAN with intimate details of HER life and paid you back for manipulating and lying to her!! i mean let’s get fucking real here: your saying that your such a good fuck that she belittled herself without ANY negotiations or misleads on from you??? Get the fuck outta Here!!!! unless you are hung like a horse its laced in platinum i DOUBT you did not lead this woman to believe you were miserable and maybe even insinuated LEAVING your marriage!

I told my xmm W and it was the most liberating thing i’ve ever done!!! I freed myself from the lies and manipulations and sent him back to his wife to be imprisoned by her doubts and insecurities for the rest of their marriage! oh and by the way, after i told his wife, the asshole was still calling me and wanting to talk about a future as IF I WANTED TO BE WITH HIM BY DEFAULT!!! HIS WIFE CAN HAVE HIS PITIFUL ASS!!!
written by spicegirl, 11 February, 2010
hey coco puff...Im a wife that will never Imprison my husband with doubts and insecurities! I know exactly what my husbands ow was...trash!-and for a fact, he is very thankful he got rid of her and her insecurities!!

And I find it very unlikely he kept calling you after you called his wife! Wishful thinking perhaps????
written by all 422, 12 February, 2010
Thank you for putting soo much into perspective for me!

When we were having marriage problems, my husband chose the wrong route. He had a fling. I could hve traveled down the same path as he, but I chose the "higher" road.

His ow called me, and that day was the last I heard from her. I have always wondered what she may be feeling...

After reading your post, I realize, the pain and agony of losing him, DROVE YOU TO call his WIFE!YOURr "liberating" is actually REVENGE AGAINST HIM FOR YOUR BROKEN HEART !!

My husband could be "sinking ship". He hates himself and anything to do with who he was before and during his cheating!

THE ONLY DOUBT AND INSECURITY in our marriage, IS WHAT HE IS FEELING..because he is terrified that I may leave him one day! Many nights I wake up to his whispers ‘I’m sorry,please dont leave me, I love you so much"..when he believes I’m sleeping.

Also, doubt and insecurity should fill your days, after all, here you obviously had a mm who was so miserable in his marriage, and theres not a doubt in my mind, that you tried to be everything he thought his wife was did your best to be HIS dream girl, yet, he didnt want you, he went back to his wife, but, youre so INSECURE you have to add to your post...THAT HE STILL CALLS YOU WANTING A FUTURE!
You’re only kidding yourself, not any of us!!

written by notyourwishfulthinking, 12 February, 2010
cocopuff....sorry to burst your bubble, but Im not a wife who will be imprisoned or imprison my husband in doubt and insecurities!

I am in control of my feelings, NEVER YOU! In your own pathetic life, you truly believe you have that control?
Let me tell you a little secret...marriage problems happen a long time before you others come along...youre used an an outlet...till the man/woman gets his head together or is jolted back into reality!

Dont give yourselves too much credit! All you had was good time and availability...and probably looked half decent...thats all!!!

And I especially like the line "HIS PITIFUL ASS!" We know you would love to have that pitiful ass wouldnt you..thats why you called his wife! LMAO...but, what you dont realize is HOW PATHETIC YOU LOOK WHEN YOU CALL US!
You should have gotten your ‘liberation’ when he walked out the door if you truly felt that way!...What you really tried to do is even the score..make his life hell like he made yours! And sorry, not happening!

And for the record....I can never be as insecure as the ow who tried to take my husband and couldnt, even when he was at his lowest, when he lost must suck to poor on the sympathy and understanding and try to be the sexual wildcat every man dreams of.....and then, hes gone...back to his "imprisoned life with his wife" cant even make an unhappy man happy!

Good luck to you!
written by lindsay lu, 12 February, 2010
sounds like xmm wasnt crazy for his cocopuffs!
written by In love with a Married Man in Las Vegas, 14 February, 2010
I was the OW for 2 years. We work in the same sub specialty area of medicine and met 3 years ago at a seminar. 1 year later he called me and said he would like to see me (I assumed for business reasons). He flew in to see me and the affair started from that day.

I didn’t know he was married as he had discussed his divorce at length with me. Guess I forgot to ask if remarried! We both travel a lot for business so we would sync our trips up together and see each other usually every 6 weeks for a week at a time. Found out he was married when I dug into Las Vegas marriage records. Confronted him and he said he thought, "I knew!!!)

He had only been married 6 months when he began to see me. Told me it was a big mistake and had to get out of it. She was living in a condo and he was in the house. Fast forward the tape to a year later and something didn’t feel right-thanks to a PI I proved she had moved back into the house. I confronted him again and he said he wanted to tell me in person.

I ended it for 4 months and he weaseled his way back into my life can’t live without me. He came to Florida for a week-like a Honeymoon and then at Christmas he took me to Montana for the best 2 weeks I have ever had in my life. Was talking about getting a divorce when he got back to Las Vegas-wanted to give it some time as his wife’s mother had died suddenly in December.

I woke up one day in January and it hit me- this is so wrong to be part of a web of deception and to hurt an innocent women who had NO I MEAN NO IDEA what he was up to. I made the decision to clear my conscience and called her.

I let her know of my involvement with her husband for 2 years and apologized for my role in the deception. She did not believe me. I convinced her otherwise. Her marriage was based on a lie. This was one month ago today.

Married men that have affairs are very very convincing and charming to both women as I learned. She is married to a lying and cheating husband not me.
written by um, 21 February, 2010
I am sleeping with a married man and I am also in a relationship. I do not have expectations of him leaving her and I am not leaving mine. I just want good sex and fun exciting romance on the side. Why do these women get so desperate and actually think they can trust the lying husband and even imagine a future with him. Its just sex have fun!
written by yours, 21 February, 2010
Why do women brag about their dirty husbands staying with them over the other woman? He is thrusting the same d**k in you that he was thrusting in the OW. Everyone here is pathetic, the wives, husbands and ow holy cow!
written by notyours, 24 February, 2010
cheater and the ones who knowingly cheat with them, are the pathetic ones.
written by classychick, 12 March, 2010
My husband had an affair...and all the while he was bashing me...there was another man, who adored me, who thought I was the most beautiful, fun , intelligent, classy woman he ever met.....

So go ahead and believe all that shit they tell you to get into your pants! More than half of you dont respect do expect to get any respect from a man???

Let him use you then call his wife like the desperately lonely hurt woman you all have become....thats exactly what we think......we pity you! We got what you deserved......

And by the way, that man that wanted me.....he still dreams about me....and I thank god, I never lowered myself to the ow level.....or the cheater level.....

But sadly, Im afraid what you’ve done , you dont even think twice about.....thats what the people in the country are becoming...cheaters, liars!
written by spicegirl, 14 March, 2010
Las called her to CLEAR YOUR CONSCIENCE? Where was your "conscience" when you were laying with him in bed for the last two years???
The reason you called is to hurt his wife, to get him thrown out of the house in hopes to have him all to yourself!

And, it didnt work! Why you cheaters would think any wife would believe anything you have to say when you call us is beyond me!
My husbands broken hearted ow tried it too! She lied about them having a 4 year old...(my husband had a vasectomy 3 years ago and they only met in 2008-and she doesnt have any kids) she lied and said she was with him the one night, at a casino..but dummy didnt realize that was the night we were together at the casino and the night we got back together......
You see...she tried to make up things, because in reality, he hardly spent any time with her and didnt tell her too much about our life, so she tripped herself up a lot!
So this message is for wives on this posts....Dont believe these hurt broken spiteful, mean women...they are now the ultimate of FOOLS, letting themselves be used by a MARRIED MAN! Now, they want to destroy him and his life like their lives are destroyed. Reciprocity!

Las Vegas, you couldnt handle one do you expect to handle 2?
written by sinkingship, 19 March, 2010
written by man=adam, 22 March, 2010
Keep both. Just lose the guilt. Men have had more than one woman since the beginning of time and not until the last 50 years of history has it been seen as wrong.
1. whats wrong for a woman isn’t always wrong for a man
a proverb says "strength is for a man and honor is for a woman" Your requirement as a man is to be strong and as for as mind and psyche. a woman’s job is to have honor to her husband. not a double standard, it’s a different standard.
2. There are more women in the world and even fewer eligible and attractive men. This means logically that some women will have to share in order to remain heterosexual.
3. A mistress is not a whore. she sleeps with one man.
4. the one thing i haven’t figured out is how to explain if women are really hurt, jealous of the other woman or is it all about the man. if the man feels guilty then that guilt is transferred or sensed by the women, which in turn virtually changes a legitimate mistress into an illegitimate affair. For example sin didn’t become sin when eve ate the fruit it became sin when Adam followed her.
5. There’s and ongoing battle between men and women for who is the one in charge. its a virtual battle. I believe that if man truly follows GOD and not woman then he can have multiple women without the guilt if he wants this. Its not for everyone. 2 women = 2 responsibilities= 2 headaches

written by beachbabe, 27 March, 2010
To the other woman in my life:

You called me to tell me you had an affair with my husband, you told me, I was mean to him and I didnt deserve him. You told me he couldnt get enough of you and you had a wonderful vacation with him (one day is hardly a vacation to me) when I left our beach house.

First of all, you dont know me, you only know what a man who was losing everything (including me) told you. A man, who was weak, lacking confidence and control in his own life...a man, who knew, all the years we were married, he wasnt the man he should have been and he knew he was losing me to another......

Back in June and July when you were having this affair, did you know, he could have left me for you? I no longer cared, and I certainly didnt want him around-yet, he always was....he could have been with you many many times, but he wasnt...those few times he saw you, could have been a lot more, and you know, they had to beg him to come to you! ( I saw your pathetic emails).

You called me because he told you, we are reconciling and staying together, that we both made mistakes but we love each other and to leave us alone.
What a massive blow to your ego! Here, you had a very unhappy man, in the palm of your hand, you tried to be everything to him, everything I wasnt....and yet, after spending real time with you, he figured out what you were all about and ran like hell from you!

I reconciled with my husband and you tried to ruin that by calling, that was your only intention, to try and ruin us..because you couldnt get what you wanted!
Do you really think telling me youre skinnier and prettier than I really means something? Obviously, it didnt to the man who it matters to the most....I did have to check you out though! Thanks for putting your face on facebook and myspace....skinnier-maybe..prettier...depends on who you ask...but, you definitely look like youve been around the block a few time, ridden hard and put away wet would be a compliment to you! -and thats a shame because youre 6 years younger than I and I look about 10 years younger than your true age!
I just want you to know, what ever you did to my husband, you made him realize how lucky he is to have me in my life!
I thank you for calling showed me how he really broke your heart! He dumped you as soon as I told him we could work it out...lmao! That call...does wonders for the wife, did you know that????? That means only one thing....HE BROKE YOUR HEART!

You know what you showed him though? You showed him why you are now 40 and never married! You showed him how a woman can be so severely deprived and desperate that she IS WILLING TO CLING to a man who DOESNT CARE for showed him that you could be meaner and nastier than anyone he has ever known!
But, I have always known, if he ever left me, it would be very hard for him to find a woman in my class......and I THANK YOU MOST FOR SHOWING HIM THAT FACT!!!

God bless you, I hope you find what it is in life you are looking for DD...and thanks for saving my marriage!!!!!smilies/cheesy.gif
written by spicegirl, 29 March, 2010
Did you ever hear this saying "behind every successful man is a good woman.....behind every troubled man, are two women."

2 never works out...and if you want more than one woman, dont get into a committed relationship...and if you follow god will have only 1 and be true and you will know the difference between right and wrong and you will stop yourself.
written by jasherie, 01 April, 2010
Okay here’s one. I am the mother of this man’s son. He is not married but living with another women due to my kicking him out. However, we still mess around and I want him back. Should I tell the woman he lives with? Will it have any affect because even though I am the OW I am also the mother of his son. He is not married to her nor do they have children together. This has been going on for 3 years.
written by some widom, 06 April, 2010
I will tell you what help me when my husband had a affair and moved in with her for one year. First of all quit having sex! As long as he is with someone else he is using you. I would not talk to him about anything except your son. Start reading as much as you can about
affairs to help you get some idea about your relationship and get involved with other things so you can grow as a person. I join a gym and also got involved with support groups. It was his only affair we both were immature. It was a painful growing lesson for all of us. I would not tell the ow what you do I would start working on yourself and you will benefit from it!
written by Bigmistakeman, 19 April, 2010
written by sinking into the pit of sadness, 20 April, 2010
I have been seeing my married man for about 2 months. He told me his marriage is over. His wife was mean, they no longer did fun things together and she didn’t ever touch his penis. I lent him a sympathetic ear and it started from there.
I wanted him badly, we began to do the "sexting" think, he came to my house and we had sex.
Afterward, he immediately got up and left to go home. The next day, things were odd, I could tell he was just saying the things I wanted to hear, we planned to meet again, 4 days later.
I could sense immediately, things weren’t right.

While he was in the shower, I looked at his cell phone and began to read the text messages, from his wife, telling him, she suspects he’s been having an affair for the last month, and she doesn’t care, she would like to be free and see another man and he is free to go without any problems from her!
During our affair, he always made up excuses how he has to be home, according to his wife’s texts, she didn’t give a crap where he was or with who! His text messages back were that he loved HER AND WISHED SHE would make their marriage work, that she was the ONLY THING HE WANTED and that he will do whatever it takes, if she give him another chance!!!
I couldn’t believe it!

I feel so inadequate! What was it with me, that he didn’t see worthy????? I am a smart woman, with a great job, above average looks, but I will admit, I am a little insecure and a lot now since this.

I was a fool to have started with him.
written by a man who learned the hard way, 21 April, 2010
Have you ever felt so low, that you’re worthless?
Did you ever feel like you are letting down everything you love and you’re not worthy???
I did.
I made it worse, with the other woman, who did nothing to discourage me. In fact, she was pursuing this affair , promising threesomes, anal sex and everything else she thought a man wants.
She was mistaken. All she made me see is that she was a desperate pig, that will do anything to try and keep a man.
She made me appreciate and thankful for the woman I had at home, who I have hurt deeply.

The ow called.
To me she is the lowest creature god ever created because she purposely set out to hurt, when she had no need to do so. She knew she couldn’t hurt me, she was worthless to me, apparently shes worthless to every man, because she can’t keep one.
When she told me she was never married and pushing 40, I knew, trouble. But, was so low. Thought my life and my world was over. Had I stayed with her, it would have been.
My wife, my love, forgive me for my stupidity.

I’m sorry.
written by 2ND TIME BETTER THAN THE FIRST, 27 April, 2010
I am a woman who’s husband cheated when we were having problems in our marriage.
The purpose of this post is to put things in perspective for some of you.

In our case, our marriage was over years before you came along.
Our marriage was ending when you met my husband. I no longer cared about him. I wonder if you know all the times he could have been with you when he was home being a pain in my ass????
But anyway, we reconciled, because, we both realized what we had just before we were ready to lose each other and our marriage was awesome. Except for one little detail, he never told me about his fling with you!
You called me, you couldn’t stand the fact that the second he realized we could make our marriage work, you were out of the picture!! Yes, he chose a woman he complained non stop to you about, over YOU!
After talking with you, its not a surprise as to why he dumped you immediately, after seeing you twice and the second time, was when he realized what you were!
All that you said he said about me isn’t ANYTHING COMPARED TO WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT YOU NOW GIRLFRIEND! But , let me fill you know how you other women always hear about the wife, all that nasty stuff??? Let me tell you whats being said about you!

My husband calls you a nasty drunken bar fly, that never meant anything to him. Irritating , desperate and just plain annoying. Pushy aggressive controlling and the topper, a "disgusting pig" that will do anything with any man she can get a hold of!
At first, I didn’t believe him, but then he showed me your emails to him, offering yourself in ways a prostitute wouldn’t!
I just have to ask- what the hell is wrong with you? What happened in your life to give you such a low opinion of yourself, to make you believe you CAN BE TREATED LIKE THIS BY ANY MAN!?

You have really no clue how you taught him a lesson, how he appreciates me and loves me now, because of the fear of losing me and the guilt and shame he suffers because he stooped to your level!

Our marriage has never been better- and believe me, we wives know all about women like’re all very common! You will never be anything special to any man!
written by avenger, 05 June, 2010
I would like to thank you ow for calling me! You gave me the wake up call I needed! You see, I stopped loving my husband years ago and our marriage was just a little more than going through the motions. But not much more than that.

When you called, I had no intentions of staying with him -but your call proved to me just how BADLY YOU WANTED HIM! So, when HE BEGGED ME FOR A SECOND CHANCE I gave it to him, MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU WANTED HIM SO BADLY but he was wrapped around my finger! LMAO at you how you made a fool of yourself for a month trying to win him over from me! Come on! Anal sex, are one sick woman!

Life is good , so good, what started out as just revenge..against the both of you, has turned into quite a beautiful marriage!

Thanks other woman!
Thanks for being a pig, annoying, controlling desperate....need I go on? Thanks for having an ugly stretch marked belly that totally turned him off!!! Thanks for having bumpy dry skin....and thanks most of all, for calling me!
written by confused_ow, 05 August, 2010
I’m glad i saw this website. I hate to admit it but just got out of this kind of relationship. I am single and fell in love with a married guy. I know i’ll end up a loser but still jumped in. I gave this man everything i have. His wife got suspicious because of a text msg she read from me. I want this man so bad but i dont hve any intention of ruining his relationship with his wife. the wife wanted to talk to me and meet me in person..i send her an email and explained i dont have any intention of breaking them up and that we dont have an affair. i backed up her husband’s lie to save their relationship. to make the story short, we made her to believe that we never had an affair..but we continue seeing each other. After months..the guy decided to correct everything..said he is guilty coz he’s not doing me good..he can’t give his name to me..cant offer me anything..and that he’ll just hurt me in the end bec in the end he will still choose his wife. I let him go..bec i know that’s what i have to do..but it broke my heart. I was a virgin and i gave it to him. I never regret it coz i love him. He has made a big hole in my heart..I hate to admit it but i am miserable. I want to get even..but i love him that much to hurt him or his family.
i know i can move will take time. What i hate is..his wife thinks i’m just dreaming. I want to tell her the truth to slap her in the face but again..i love the guy too much to cause him trouble.

written by Both sides of the fence, 06 August, 2010
Forgive me if this comes across as callous, that is not my intention. But as an OW whose ex had an OW, I can say that I have lived on both sides of the fence. I understand the bitterness that comes from being cheated on, as well as being the other woman. What I don’t understand, nor ever will, is the thought process of a wife who thinks "See, I win. You thought you could have him, but you can’t. You’re a loser." Again, having been on both sides of the fence, I can honestly say that the loser is the man. He is the one cheating. He is the one breaking promises to both women. When a wife stays with her cheating husband, she is just as "pathetic" as the OW she wants to hate. You want to know why your husband cheated? You let him. And you will continue to let. The best advice I ever got as the OW is: I know it hurts, but look at this way, you have a chance to find true, long-lasting love – this is the best they will ever have.

At the end of the day, do I feel like a fool? No. I try not to live with regrets, and I don’t regret falling in love with a married man. But, as poorly as you wives may think of me, the truth is that I will find someone available, but you will ALWAYS be married to a man who cheats on his wife.
written by thinking differently, 26 August, 2010
One thing I have learned about affairs that it is not about "blame" but it’s about looking at our own behavior and understanding why we behave the way we do.
written by happy again, 11 September, 2010
Yes, look at yourselves and fix yourselves please!
I will never take the blame for my husbands lack of self control, self discipline and direction!
I believe it doesn’t matter what is going on in your life, you are responsible for your own actions. People may contribute, but ultimately, you are responsible.
As for you other women. Where is your moral compass to participate in cheating? Where is your sense?
Why would you engage in activities with a man who has lost his moral character??

Then you have the nerve to post that you’re the lucky ones, you still have a chance to find true love and your soul mate while the wife is stuck with a cheater???
You may get your true love and soul mate, but if he marries you.....hes in the same boat as the "wife" he is getting a "cheater!" You need to realize, you participated in the lies and deceit too...YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THE MARRIED PERSON YOU ARE CHEATING WITH!
written by will stay on my side of the fence, 12 September, 2010
No matter who you end up with – Other side of the fence – this great catch soul mate of yours, he will get the short end of the stick marrying you... because believe it or not, you are a lying cheater too.. you are just as immoral as the cheater for laying down with him. You know it was wrong, you knew he was married, yet, you did the deed, it was a relationship based on dishonesty and deceit.
Whats really sad is that you say you don’t live with regrets and I believe that.
You have to really be one hell of a selfish person to do what you did and not regret it. And to say you don’t regret falling in love with a married man, shame !!
I would have had some hope for you and wished you sincere happiness had you one ounce of regret! But now, I only pity the man who ends up with you. I hope you tell him what you’re all about, so he knows that you can do something that low and despicable and brush it off like it was nothing!

I will give my nephew credit. His fiance confessed that she had an affair with a married man 7 years ago before she met him and he called off the engagement. His words were " she has proven to me, she can hurt others to satisfy herself" and with that, he ended it with her. So beware.... your "soul mate" or "true love" may catch a glimpse of his future in your words.

Also, my husband and I worked through our infidelity. We both thought the grass was greener! When the day comes and you’re married, and things aren’t what you thought them to will see how easy it is to make a mistake of this magnitude! Our affairs brought us closer together. Because we realized no others can come close to what we are to each other..And once your marriage crosses over to this path, is when you truly appreciate and commit to each other.

In most cases..the cheater realizes, what he has with his wife, that part that was missing that he was out searching for and found in you, isn’t enough to keep him.

I hope you find regret and shame in what you did. Only then, will you learn from what you did !
written by to confused ow, 19 September, 2010
Now, when he doesnt want you, you want to call his wife and tell her the truth? YOu had the opportunity when she confronted you and you lied!
You will only seem pathetic now, if you call her and tell the truth, because he didnt want you, she won.
And I say SHE WON, because when the mm leaves his wife for you, you actually thinkk you got a prize! lol
But we both as a wife as you are the ow...


Isnt that right???

A cheater is a loser no matter what woman he stays with!
written by nolongerdisrespected, 21 September, 2010
I find these all so sad esp. the skank ow’s who think they’ve found true luvee. Gang me. Did your married lover aka rat bastard husband/father ever tell you what a sordid life he has made for ‘his family’ because of you?! Financial ruins so he could impress your a$$, extended family & friends no longer wanting anything to do with him, coming close to losing his job, and the most important of all- having kids who feel totally abandoned because of YOU! You didn’t need to call me. I saw your pathetic whining texts. Did your ‘soulmate’ also tell you how many times I packed his bags and kicked him out so he could be w/you his ‘one & only’?! He didn’t come to you over in skanksville did he? Instead he kept bugging me to come "home". I don’t WANT him anymore- he’s all yours ‘sweetheart’. Only problem is he doesn’t want YOU! Ha. I guess even your degrading yourself to a 3 way and buying him sex toys didn’t work. His friends all berated him for throwing away the best thing he’s ever had for a roll in the garbage w/you.
Now he no longer has a home, you continue to degrade yourself by trying to win him back, and as for me I have to pick up the pieces of his kid’s shattered souls. Oh & if you do ‘win him back’ he’ll just leave you like your Daddy left you Mz. Daddy complex, can only date old married men.
Enjoy and congrats for all the lives you’ve wrecked. That ought to look good on your resume’ since your ‘fun’ w/my husband cost you your job...
written by from all to no longer disrespected, 22 September, 2010
I love your post! YOU GO GIRL!
Dont you love it, how these skanks, let themselves be degraded sexually for attention!???
Thats the only way they can hope to get a man into the bed for longer than a night.

What is it with threesomes? She needs help in the boudoir??? Lmao! A real woman, doesnt need another woman in the bed!

When my husbands ow called, I actually hung onto my husband because I knew she wanted killed her that he wasnt leaving.....and 2 years later, hes still home and our marriage is great.
I hope the best for you and your family.
And Im glad she was fired from her job! Its about time these employers look at integrity of their employees!
written by Lovelee, 06 October, 2010
^And you actually took the mofo back? Now you sound like a basic bitch. See its some lame ass ‘Wives’ on this board who talk all this smack about how the ‘other woman’ isn’t this and the other woman isn’t that but yet and still YOU are the mofo who is STILL married to gut bucket losers who will continue to disrespect you.

Then we have this basic bitch right here.

written by confrontedwife, 21 June, 2009
Well, I basically lived this situation as the wife who didnt know. Husband had a fling while we were having problems, we reconciled, she got pissed off..couldnt accept he wasnt leaving me for her....I knew nothing about her till a month after our reconciliation.

I got pissed off at him for NOT telling me, for putting me out there for her to call me and catch me off guard making me look like the fool wife.

Although I can understand his reasons for not telling me that month we reconciled and she was threatening him to leave or shes calling , because our marriage was never better and our love so deep, he didnt want to destroy that with is admission....I will not forgive him for that, letting HER hurt me.

I have now understood, why she did it. She knew she could never have him, so destroy him and me. Unfortunately, I found out when our love bond was stronger than ever, thank god, because I wouldnt have been able to deal with it at any other point in my life!

Women who want to play this game, screw married men, shouldnt be sore losers! Thats a chance you take that he doesnt want to leave his wife or he doesnt want you.

So, to my husbands OW< You succeeded in making our marriage stronger than ever, you showed J the way home, you showed him that yes, he has more to lose, his self respect, you helped him realize he could become lower than he already was, you are trash, you will always be used by men, you are a 39 years old woman that no man wants for commitment or long term relationship! Pathetic!

So when you bragged to him that you were at bars and men were going to take you home, you saw, he didnt care, he could have cared less about you! He told you to go to them! How did that make you feel??? LOL!

You are a trashy slut and in 10 years from now, you will still be sitting in the bars drinking and alone, hitting on some man to take you home! ....and I will have my beautiful life with J!

Now, go enjoy happy hour! Horny guys are missing you!!!!


She lame as hell. He probably tipped out and cheated on her again by now! LMAO. So what if he bought you a ring. You probably got some other ‘gifts’ too. Weak ass. Why stay married to garbage?
written by nolongerdisrespected to Lovelee, 08 October, 2010
What’s the matter ow, is the bar stool next to you getting cold? Lmao that you ow’s make fun of the Wives on here for staying with THEIR Husbands.
Don’t tell me that if Mr. Married BF left his wife you wouldn’t be all over him in a New York minute!! And yes, you are jealous of all the gifts he gives his wife. After all what did he ever give you? Lies, disrespect, empty promises, keeping you hidden like the dirty secret you are, and maybe you two even gave each other a couple std’s.
Wow. Talk about love.
I agree w/confronted wife and all the other #1’s on here (The Wives). Take your sick & twisted pathetic selves back to the bar. I guess a drunk MM is better than nothing, ay?! After all that’s all you’ll ever get. And once he sobers up and sees you in the daylight he’ll run Home so fast you’ll never catch him!
written by TO LOVE, 11 October, 2010
Every wife knows the "goal" of the other woman is to become the MM’s WIFE! Why else would you be with him??
You think we don’t know you are trying to replace us in his life?! You think your oral sex, anal sex -whatever sex he wants, is enough to keep him long term??
Here’s a secret! No man want a slut for long term to take home to MAMA!
I hope all you ow’s did all you cold for your mm in the bedroom! I hope you gave it your all! Because that’s what makes it all the while sweeter, when he comes home to us! AND WHAT AN EGO BOOST FOR US!

And if any of you think we are sitting at home feeling insecure about ourselves, you’re wrong again! You see, when the husband comes home, with his tail between his legs, he is the one insecure, because he knows, we deserve better and he’s terrified we will find it!

Don’t worry about anything to that happens in our doesn’t concern you, it never did!
written by spicegirl, 11 October, 2010
It makes me smile how we wives can hit a nerve with the other woman!
It’s amazing that cant understand how a horrible thing can happen to a couple, like an affair, and make their marriage stronger and better in every way!

If you think these husband DON’T BEG US to take them back, or kiss our asses up one side and down the other if we do let them come home, YOU ARE A BIGGER FOOL than you were for just sleeping with him!

I know it’s hard to believe when all you got of him was his lies and deceit, you never had a taste of how wonderful a man he could be or was before this.
Facts are, people "fall" they "fail" and sometimes it takes being at the bottom to make you realize, you were at the top....and when they come home, THEY ARE BETTER MEN...I know its had for you to comprehend, (because you think the way to catch and keep a man is through sex....)but it does happen!’

I am going on 3 years of a dotting husband, a loving man, a man, I believed, couldn’t exist, but he does...every single day, he makes exciting...I see the love, I feel the love from him...his guilt and shame, will keep him straight. His experience with her, made him open up his eyes too....and he did come running home!

She was just easy sex , easy attention and ego boost for him, when I no longer cared!
Do you think we wives are horrible ugly people and that’s why men cheat?
How about this spin, how about, the attention his wife gets from other men, who make him feel inferior – that’s what happened in my case! My husband, felt inferior because I still get attention from men, and hes insecure.
So he finds you, the ow, who will eagerly do, what his wife DOESN’T WANT TO DO ANYMORE! But when it comes down to it, your feed his ego, you give him the boost he needs, to get home and fight..
and thanks for that!

Nothing you hd with him, can compare to what we had and still have! So you wish, these guys step out again, but, the fact is, they wont, in fear of finding another woman such as yourselves!
written by spicegirl, 19 October, 2010
You ow really want to bash a wife in this forum??? You call our husbands garbage..yet, you lay with them??? Come on!!! What does that make you???

I can tell you out of the 3 of us....the wife, isnt the stupid one-in fact, there are two stupid people when 3 are involved!!! I think we can ALL agree on that!

Know your place, you were never part of his life! You didnt matter, you never did, or,YOU WOULDNT BE A SECRET TO HIDE FROM HIS WIFE!
My husbands ow thought she was something more than easy sex! She wasnt. She was a poor choice with horrible consequences and I for one, am glad my husband got burned!! He was a very foolish man, that needed to grow up!
And I cant thank her enough for just being...HER! She is every mans nightmare! And when she called me, she realized, she didnt mean anything to my husband and even less to me! She was used and tossed aside as soon as my husband realized, l wanted to work on our marriage!

Do you honestly think your cooch can erase 10 years of marriage???? LMAO!
written by sofly, 31 October, 2010
Ha, thanks for making me smile wives....these woman are pathetic. Too pathetic for words!
You let yourselves be used by men, knowing they are married, then when he’s done with your skanky asses, you try to cause trouble for him...lmao!

Even at my husbands worst..when he was with one of you easy asses...he was still too good for you! I thank god he came to his senses and realized, good women like me are hard to find, easy sluts , aren’t!

You all deserve what you have coming...and you will get it , promise.
written by angel eyes, 21 November, 2010
I would like to add, the only person worse than a cheating is spouse, is the person, who knows they are married, and doesn’t care, and cheats with them!
You women want to throw it back at us wives, by saying he’s the one that broke his vows, you’re not a cheater, your wrong, so very wrong, YES YOU ARE A CHEATER, YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN HE IS! In fact, you are lower because you let him cheat on his spouse with YOU!
Then you have the audacity to say, you will be the lucky ones to move on and find true love??? And a true spouse and we will be stuck with our cheater...LMAO any man/woman who has the misfortune of marrying one of marrying a cheater... a person who lies and keeps secrets...YOU are not the good person you think you are on the inside!!! You are cheater trash.
written by Neutral bystander, 13 February, 2011
Its amusing to see how the real guilty person (husband) gets of the hooks and women are fighting women.
This is why Men cheat and continue to cheat every chance they get.
written by spicegirl, 19 February, 2011
I don’t think there’s a man anywhere who gets off easy for cheating! Maybe you ow’s let him off the hook to easy ...but I can tell you sure as hell, mine wasn’t let off easy!
There isn’t one day that he doesn’t worry about me leaving him...but that’s the price he pays....yeah I know you think its the other way around, the wife!!! HIS BIGGEST WORRY IS, I WILL LEAVE HIM!

THAT’S THE PRICE THEY PAY! THEY LOSE SOMETHING PRECIOUS...for 3 min of sexual gratification!
Letting you go, is the easy part.
written by marriedman, 22 February, 2011
Hi I’m a married man who fell in love with my OW. I dont fancy my wife, never really did. I think I only married her cos I felt I couldn’t get anyone better and then a year after I married her the girl Ive been into for years bumps into me on a night out. I cant leave the wife because we have a child, but I am only staying for the child’s sake. The OW wont see me anymore. I’m devastated. I miss her so much. I wish I could find a way to be with her but really dont have any options. She would never ring my wife. Shes far too classy for that. Sometimes men do really fall for their OW.
written by lovingow, 28 February, 2011
a blast from the past contacted me, we are both married. Marriages on the rocks, but not due to each other. One thing led to another and the affair I said I would not be involved with with him happened. I love him, I truly believe he loves me. But due to circumstances beyond both of our control, we need to wait before we can be together. So we broke it off almost as soon as it started. I love myself and him enough to not call his wife. She has her own troubles. I do not need to add to them. Am I a fool? a sinner? most likely. But so is he. We both knew what we were doing and talked about it openly. Will we end up together? I dont know. Do we want to be together? Yes. But only time will tell. The important thing is to be calm and mature about it. I will not bash the wife, even when he does. I have no issue with her. Does it hurt? immensely. I regret starting it in the first place frequently. We talk less now, and I so miss talking to him. But in order for us to work out we know we need to be able to openly make it work out. Could he be feeding me a line? because I wont have sex with him? yes he could. But Ive know him well, and have to believe that what he says is true, and he has to trust that from me too.
written by Are you kidding me?, 02 March, 2011
Dear Cheating Spouses and Affair partners,
REALITY CHECK!! No one wins in these situations. You’re both living in la-la-land. Your relationship is not based in reality. It is built on lies and deceptions. The odds of things actually working out for the long haul are incredibly slim. The sooner you realize that, the better, because the longer you allow this fantasy to continue, the more damage you will do to yourselves and your families down the line. "What’s done in the dark will come to the light."
written by Hmmmmmm, 04 March, 2011
6 weeks before my wedding to my partner of 10 years, the OW called me (she was my best friend too), I went home, packed my belongings, left and never looked back. I don’t care who told me I would just rather know. all of the wives who take satisfaction that they ‘won’ and think that they are better than the OW, I think you should take a long hard look at yourself, you have also been lied to by your husbands and disrespected but you feel it is OK because they eventually chose you. I think you should be angry at your husbands for going outside of your marriage and angry at yourself for not respecting yourselves enough to know you deserve better and while the OW may not have done the right thing by sleeping with the MM, why should she be copping all of the blame, she did not make a vow to you.... I have never been an OW and I would not put myself in the situation, but really I don’t see why they are so terrible and you think your MM is such a catch!
written by shouldofknown, 09 March, 2011
you should of found a married cheating girlfriend; that’s what a good sex addict would already know, so next time you are thinking with the wrong head use the other one once in a while
written by spicegirl, 21 March, 2011
To hhmmmmmmmmm... obviously your 10 year relationship with your significant other wasn’t worth saving! Too bad for you!
I completely feel like a winner in this case! She wanted my man for sure! She texted him she loves him...LOL! I couldn’t stand him anymore while this affair was going on and HE STILL DIDN’T LEAVE ME TO GO TO HER! He could have! I wanted him out! O it makes me laugh at all the times, he was trying to kiss my ass and be a good husband...while he had her lurking in the background to pick up the pieces I left of him!
He was not a good husband for a long time but as soon as another man came into my life, it was funny how he wanted to change....but it was too late!
He found her....and she only managed to show him exactly what I have always told him......the only thing he will find is a woman no body else wanted...and that’s exactly what she was late 30’s, never married bar trash slut, worn out, put away wet! She wanted my husband badly!!!!!
I’m glad he was exposed to that! He saw how ugly a woman’s body can really be naked with all her fat loss stretch marked up belly! (yeah, she thought she looked hot sending him pictures of herself in a bikini (yikes!) For a woman supposed to be 6 years younger...she looked 15 years older...that’s what the sun will do, make your face as tough as shoe leather! And bumpy dry skin......

Now, I have the husband of my dreams.....he cant do enough for me! After a 30,000 wedding ring set...a brand new Audi a4 (brilliant red for valentines day) vacations to the islands......he treats me better than a princess! The love he feels for me I CAN FEEL FROM HIM! I will bet you never had that feeling!

So yes, I am a wife and I won! I have a man who was willing to change everything rather than lose me....I have a man, who made a horrible mistake when he thought our marriage was over but he learned from that mistake. He learned how I am everything to him and no one can ever take my place. Once a WOMAN HAS A MAN IN THAT POSITION, shes a winner!
written by spicegirl, 21 March, 2011
Yes, marriedman, sometimes you do fall for the ow. Birds of a feather..should flock together.
I think you should do your wife and child a favor and leave.
I think you both could have a beautiful life together!
I love the part where shes too classy to call..but not too classy to spread her legs for a married man! LMAO! THAT’S ONE HELL OF A CLASS ACT THERE!
written by Stupid in SC, 23 March, 2011
Mine is a little different. My husband and I had issues for months and I had asked for a divorce. He told me he wanted to work things out, but I was miserable. I reconnected with a man from my past. Passion was intense and we went from ‘what happens if we fall in love’ to ‘I want to grow old with you’. He pursued and I loved it. This went on for 4 months. Then I caught him. He was separated from his wife for an affair he had during their marriage. Should have been a red flag. I knew she was sill around but he said it was just a friendship. make a long story short, I found out that he has been seeing her for 2 years and started this with me because he wanted to see what would happen. I told her. I don’t feel bad about it. He says I have ruined his life. I didn’t care when my husband, my family and my friends found out and I protected you because you told me you loved me. He is a liar and I think he had to pay just like I did. If she wants to continue with him, she needs to understand the intensity of the relationship he had with me for the last four months. Am I wrong? I don’t want him back and I am going to make my marriage work. But, he lied...playing his wife, first mistress and second mistress....sometimes at the same damn time! Would be interested in your comments.
written by FoolishFling, 27 March, 2011
The fellow was an friend from my past, who I had a strong friendship with. He’s not married by vow, but has been with her seven years, two of which he claims are ‘loveless’. He found me on Facebook and pursued me from there. I was reluctant to engage in anything more than a friendship, but he came on like a freight train and is a real charmer, knows what emotional, intellectual buttons to push. So yeah, I got caught up in the fantasy, and went to meet him for a weekend. Even his own sister was ok with it, so I figured his ‘marriage’ must truly be on the rocks... He said they were breaking up, and had even discussed legalities (house, loans etc).

Well I wasn’t too into him in person, no bells were going off, but we were very natural together, and it was pleasant, fun. He returned to work/home and I went back to my own life... and suddenly was no longer contacting me as much, though his emails still suggested he wanted to have a future with me, he had a plan etc. (How damn predictable right? Ugh.) I was quite angry when he suddenly had no time for me, even to just let this whole affair go. It was a vulnerable place to be in, and his avoidance was frustrating... but as I said, I was more let down that the fantasy wasn’t real, than I was of not hearing from him as much...(he had to go MIA the weekends he was home with his wife.) Anyway... now I want to tell the Wife. Not in any revengeful way, not in any real retaliation, because I am not interested in him at all, and have mostly moved on from my mistake and let down... I just don’t want him to do this to another woman, or to his wife again (and YES I did ask him several times, and in very telling ways could feel that he and her were NOT really together.)

Anyway, would it just be mean to her, or would I be liberating her by letting her know. I could make a decoy Facebook account or email and just tell her anonymously, with enough evidence to prove it, but make it seem like an observer found out, not the OW telling her. Save her some face? I don’t know... but it eats me up some nights knowing he’s a real cheat and a liar, when he used to be a really good friend from my childhood. Really sad.
written by loserlover, 12 April, 2011
I just want to add my story keep it simple I’ve been a 2 and 1/2 year affair with a "married" man. I use the term loosely b/c his wife left him almost a year ago, but has never officially filed for divorce. He has perpetuated this affair with me on and off for some 36 months now. It’s been devastating as, I too, I am married. Long story short--his wife has known about us from the get go (about 2 months after the affair started) we have broken up and gotten back together so many times i can’t even count them, but all the while I held onto the notion that he might truly love me like he says he does, leave his wife and start one with me. I know---I’m the biggest loser here. Anyway I am also married and have 2 wonderful children, he has none. He does not have a steady job and is a 40 year old college student. I have a have a job and beautiful home and a loving husband, but can’t seem to let this two timing loser go. His wife has kept in contact with me and always wanted me to tell her if I was in contact with him or more. I’ve lied to her sometimes and told her the truth other times. The truth is now, however, that he has been having sex with me whenever we can make it happen and shows no remorse. He even wants me to think he’s working on his marriage. I’ve recently tried to end this long time affair and am wondering if I should just walk away this time in silence, or, should I tell his dear wife.
written by Mjhg, 24 April, 2011
It kills me that everyone blames the OW.. Not the cheating husband. I am married..he was married. Both have children..both have caring spouses. Had drinks one night.. He kissed me. It was all over from there. We have given each other what has been missing from our own marriages, what we can’t ask for from our spouses. I started to feel guilty.. He broke it off. U told his wife. At first she thanked me.. Then she hated me. We still see each other..but more recently we have slowed down. But there is something to be said about the wives who continue to allow their husbands to be unfaithful and not do anything about it. There is something missing from ur marriage.. He will always cheat.. He likes the feeling.. He likes being with someone better.. Ur not a rock.. Ur a comfortable sweater no one throws out and keeps wearing..until it’s old with holes. These men deserve no one.. They break everyones heart. The are faithful to themselves.
written by thinking differently, 26 April, 2011
loserlover....when my husband had a affair I never did "blame" the ow. I worked on myself and my marriage which is never ending!! We all have issues, learn from this experience work on yourself and get involved with positive things!
written by Efficient Wench, 29 April, 2011
I am more than amused by some of the wives here who go on and on about how they showed the "OW" this that or the other. Sure the other woman should bear her part of the blame, but what about the husband who cheated? What amazes me is that some of the wives seemingly excuse the behavior of the husband, but condemn the “ow.” Receiving a new diamond wedding ring does not equate love or devotion; it just means you can and are bought and paid for. I sincerely hope there is more to your relationship than that.
I was in a relationship recently where the man lied to me about having a girlfriend. He was seeing the two of us and lying to us both. And he was sleeping with the ex-wife as well. He told me and this other woman that we were his girlfriends and he slept with the ex wife, who in this case would be the other woman? Maybe all of us were the other woman, only one of us (his ex-wife) knew he was sleeping /seeing all of us. His ex-wife (of course, at first, she left out that she was sleeping with him) told me about the other woman, I confronted him and he confessed. I told him he needed to tell her the truth or I would. I told him it would sound a lot better coming from him rather than me. In typical fashion, he told me he told her, but he did not. I called and left her a message at work and sent her emails about everything that had gone on. I told her because I felt she should know the truth, but most importantly I told her because he was not going to get away with his deceitful behavior! Now he is alone save the ex-wife and what a pathetic creature she is. Apparently whilst they were married, she kept taking him back after he would cheat on her. He didn’t just have one night stands; he had full blown relationships with other women. All you wives and husbands who claim the other woman was ugly and he didn’t really like her are lying to yourselves! If a man continues a relationship with a woman for months, even years, trust me he is into her a little more than you or he want to admit. He might try and save his marriage for the sake of the kids or finances or both, but (and I am sure there are exceptions) don’t delude yourself into thinking that he is just so into you and that is why he tried to save the marriage.

To the OP, you need to just tell your wife the truth, because it will come out sooner or later and it will sound a lot better coming from you.

written by dangerous1, 24 May, 2011
When you tell his wife, remember it will no longer be all about you. That’s a difficult concept for home-wreckers. While everything you imagine- the trouble it will cause in his marriage, possibly divorce, his family will be angry at him, general devastation all around- will happen for sure. But you never seem to think what might happen to you. The wife may seek revenge against YOU. Don’t expect rational behavior from the woman whose husband you’re sleeping with.

While I admire the wives that have posted on here who were able to dismiss the OW seemingly easily, I was not one of them. I have actively set out to destroy this woman’s life(a woman I’ve known for 20 years). And I have had much SUCCESS! I went on a fishing expedition- a lot of unethical things are done to conceal an affair. What I discovered- a job-specific unethical activity she did to assist my husband in paying for and concealing the affair- I reported this to her employer, a large bank, and they fired her. This woman has a high paying career in the financial world. Or she used to anyway! I didn’t stop there, I reported it to her professional Governing Board, and they are holding a hearing about it, at the conclusion she will lose her Certified Financial Planner credentials. She will lose her ability to earn a living in her chosen profession. She will no longer be allowed to be bonded, or handle money and personal information anymore, ever. I have made her life a living hell in return for her treatment of me and my children. Of course I did all the customary duties of exposing their dirty little secret to all her family members, co-workers, and ex-husband who was fighting a custody battle with her at the time. It was a particularly embarrassing affair- they are related to each other, and it began at a family funeral. She’s fortunate we live in different States because if I had easier access to her I would have shot her,and took my chances with a jury.

Whats happened to my husband, you OW want to know? Well he’s planning our vacation to the French Riviera, or maybe he’s in a freezer in my basement- he’s none of your business, and never was.

"Other Men" understand that they are playing a dangerous game. It seems to be mostly the OW who decide to call the spouse. The OM fear the husband finding out. The OW would be wise to fear the wife, too.
written by WTF, 24 May, 2011
Does everyone notice the OW posts "truths" about the wife? She posts intimate details of her MM married life? Most of these affairs seem to be over. Yet she still has those same beliefs about "his wife"! She can’t grasp that she really doesn’t know the wife (hopefully), and that what she "knows" was told to her by the MM who was cheating.

It seems the one thing that makes the OW most angry and vengeful is if she discovers there is another woman besides the wife and herself. Then he better WATCHOUT!

She believes they don’t have sex anymore. She believes this because they don’t sleep in the same room. Never mind that its more then likely a lie that they don’t share the master bedroom, but think about it OW he has sex with you and you two don’t even sleep under the same roof!!!
written by hearttbrokenn, 28 May, 2011
It was a year ago. I was out & about have the night of my life. GNO! Living the single life. I saw this guy drive by (so sexy) but the light turned green I had to go we were opposite directions. To my surprise he somehow managed to get next to me we exchanged number. He was the cutest. Then I found out he was married. I should have let it go but I was already hooked. He told me he didn’t want to lose his kids. Didn’t want them to not have a mom and dad like his childhood. And I respected that. I was 18 wanted to enjoy life not thinking about a future but rather about being happy. And he made me so happy he was the most amazing person ever... after a few months I gave him my virginity. Our relationship only got better. 11months later I couldn’t take it. I had fallen completely in love with him and no matter how many times we tried to do the right thing and end it it never worked I knew the only way was if he hated me. So I messaged the W. Told her her H was a cheater and nothing else no details nothing. He went off on me for doing it "hated me for ruining his kids life" they got back after one night apart... two weeks of angry why did u do it phone calls we let it go. I call him because I miss him we are friendly but nothing passed our work/school days. He still says he doesn’t trust me. I want to see him. I hate that I love him. I don’t regret telling her because if I hadn’t we would still be living this fantasy relationship that inside was slowly killing me... I’m so lost so hurt so in love. I want this to end. I wanna see him just one last time...
written by EBT, 07 June, 2011
Do what my friend did and rent a fake wife. She rang her and vented then he worked on his marriage and has been happy for 5 years.
He learned his lesson big time after this !!
written by vivadiva, 17 June, 2011
Its truly pathetic what women have become today....and I esp mean the wives who take back cheating men.....its you wives who encourage men to behave badly...coz they know you’ll take their cheating asses back.....oooh all they have to do is give you a ring. oh my!!

I cant stand such weak women...any day, I’ll respect the independent strong woman who will not tolerate the disrespect their husband dishes to them by having affairs. oh, and dont blame the OW....ur man lied to them, made promises, and when they have been used, ur man wants to move on. I applaud all the OW that call the MM’s wife.......if more women learned how to be strong and independent, men would learn to behave.

I cant stand you pathetic weak women. I am woman btw, and proud of my strength and morals.
written by spicegirl, 11 July, 2011
Believe me vivadiva woman who takes back her cheating husband is ....weak! You have no idea how much strength it takes to forgive a person who hurts you so deeply!
What is really pathetic is the sluts who lay with these men..they are the weak pathetic women!
Are you kidding me?? A strong independent woman would tell a cheating moron to get LOST but then, men know those type of woman and steer clear....they go after the dumbasses they know are easy to lay!

So, you dont comment on any woman who is strong enough to forgive her husband because we see the good in him, you sluts never saw! We know where our marriages failed and we fixed it. And not every single cheating person is a bad person. some are really lost....

So DIVA , stop letting yourself be used and tossed aside.....maybe you wont be so bitter toward any wife who takes her husband back!

written by spicegirl, 11 July, 2011
Dont worry about what my marriage is all about EFFICIENT life will never be as pathetic as any woman here who sleeps with married men!!!smilies/grin.gif
written by Lovebaby, 06 August, 2011
Firstly I would like to say I am horrified by many of the wives opinions here, yes your husband cheated on you, the OW was wrong also but ALWAYS remember that these Husbands chased and wooed the OW. How dare you degrade and insult the OW whilst holding your CHEATING husband up like some sort of head hunted trophy. You are the SAD women for STAYING with these cheats.
written by stuckinthemiddle, 23 October, 2011
i feel so pathetic sitting here reading every word of these stories, looking for some kind of answer or just a small amount of understanding of what i’m going thru. i have been the ow for a little over 2 yrs now. ours is a long distance relationship so the physical contact is minimal, however we talk, text, email all day, everyday, until he has to go home... that’s the hard part. we were both married when it started, neither of us intended for this to happen at all. he was happily married, i was comfortable... a few weeks into it email correspondence was discovered by my husband and it all went downhill from there. this was not the only issue in my marriage and long story short, i am now divorced. i have 2 small children and it was a very difficult time and my married bf was there for me, supporting me in so many ways and we just continued to get closer until finally we both realized we had fallen in love. when we first saw each other face to face it was as if we had always know each other and it was meant to be... i wont even try to describe the feelings between us... just amazing... simply amazing, however he was always honest and said that he could never leave his wife because she had done nothing to deserve that. i accepted that. 2 plus yrs later he has been caught numerous times. his wife and i have spoken, she knows everything, but each time he gets caught he tells her its over and she sweeps it under the rug... but it’s never over. we’ve tried to say good bye so many times, but the emptiness we both feel without each other day to day puts us right back on the phone. i truly believe the love is real and the situation is tearing him apart, but again, he won’t walk away because he says he cant, he loves me... meanwhile i sit here alone, 1000 miles away missing him so terribly,(week ends suck...) just waiting to hear the beep of a text message on my phone when he finds a moment away from her to say hello, or if i’m really lucky he gets to go to the store alone and i get to hear his voice for a minute...i can’t even think of giving myself to anyone else or moving on because that too would be a lie. he has my heart, i have nothing left to give. how are you supposed to be with someone when youre truly in love with another? he says he has never felt this way with anyone, i have changed him and i make him truly happy. if this is really real and true, how can he turn his back on it? but then again, i guess he hasn’t, has he? he is still here. why?? i’m so tired of missing him and feeling so alone.... i just sat here and typed all this why??? God i’m pathetic...
written by sshaz, 24 October, 2011
To the wives: trust me these married man prey on the vulnerable and lonely and they really go hard in trying get them. Often they resist at first but they do woo them and they give in. They made a mistake and many are paying for it, after falling in love with a married man. You are in the superior position and its true the other women want to be in your place but you have to stop letting him get away with cheating! If you continue to forgive him easily he will go back to her after couple months and I’ve seen it happen or even less. His disrespecting you all so he shudnt have cheated. How can you ever trust him and feel secure again. Don’t act like it hasn’t affected your marriage.
written by CB Murrioside, 08 November, 2011
Women need to know is that they deserve to be respected and loved and cherished....simply cause you gals are the best thing that has ever happened to us guys...period. Any other scenario is invalid...that being said, if you have character defects that make you cheat....forget all that I have said!!!!!!!!! I have just went through this with a gal I was willing to give a chance to that did just she could begin to heal....BIG MISTAKE....note to men...."DO ALL YOU CAN TO AVOID ANY WOMAN THAT HAS OR IS WILLING TO CHEAT"!!! once a cheater and immoral adulterer....always a cheater and usually a ripp-off artist....get rid of her "NOW"....and don’t look me, you will never regret it!!!!!!!!!
written by SilentlyWaiting, 13 November, 2011
Dear stuckinthemiddle, our situations are almost exactly the same. Most of what you wrote is like I wrote it. I think we may be able to help each other through this, I know what it’s like to be in love with a married man, and he told me many times he is in love with me too. Do you have an email address?
written by SilentlyWaiting, 13 November, 2011
Stuckinthemiddle, our situations are almost the same, most of what you wrote sounds like I wrote it myself. I think we may be able to help one another through our situations....
written by SilentlyWaitingInLove, 13 November, 2011
Stuckinthemiddle, our situations are very similar. When I read your post, it seems as though I wrote some of it. I know what it feels like to be in love with a married man, he told me many times he was in love with me too. Our bond and connection is like no other. I think we may be able to help each other. I am in my sixth day of just leaving him alone after his wife cleaned out his bank account and ran off with the kids. I never wanted this for him, but I’ve always been the one supporting him and helping him through rough patches. The wife on the other hand, she’s just all about his wallet and having control. I’ve let him go, but I am missing him!
written by IDIDIt, 03 December, 2011
I was on both sides of the fence at a young age with my x wife. It killed me to be betrayed. And I hurt her later with my betrayal. Neither one fortunately was more than a one night thing. We did eventually forgive each other. But after 10 years of divorce I still can’t forgive myself. It hurt the worst for many years at night when I went to bed yet again not being able to tickle my sons back before he slept. He is over here for my weekend, sleeping in his room, almost a man grown. I was selfish and it cost me my family. Nobody has a lower opinion of me than myself.
I read most of these posts. I mostly read about overwhelming pain, jealousy, insults, and just plain meanness. People full of pride because they "won". Or they think they did. Lust is a powerful thing. It is one thing to be a "Tiger Woods" and it’s another make a huge mistake. People can change. Not always, but sometimes.
My heart goes out to everyone who has foolishly hurt themselves and those they care about. Bitterness is not only wrong, it corrupts your heart. I DO believe in God’s forgiveness, healing and redemption for everybody that truly desires it. He gives it freely. Except it. For me I have to reexcept it often. I pray that those that desire inner peace seek him, for he will take the heavy yoke from your shoulders and create a clean pure path in your life. I pray that we can have discernment, to know what the right path is and the strength to persevere while taking it. God has good things in store for those that love him.
written by Alyssia, 03 December, 2011
I don’t fully agree that the gf has no power if the husband tells wife of affair. First, chances are he tells the bare minimum to get by and Second, even if that’s not the case and the gf goes thru with telling the wife, even if the wife knows it has to hurt to hear from the "other" woman and brings the pain to the surface may go easier if she knows but far from easy in my opinion. And most woman (wife in this case) have instincts they just don’t follow cause they chose not to. I’ve heard from more than one female friend that got divorced due to cheating they realized the signs were there they just either ignored them or were too busy with daily life to pay attention.
written by tellitlikeitis, 13 December, 2011
one thing i have noticed reading through all of this is the ow talk of love and pain and the w’s *itch and talk of diamond rings’ maybe that’s why mm cheat in the first place because they know they have made a mistake marrying a *itch’ the diamond ring is to shut you up and cheaper than 50% of everything else and if you really believe he will never cheat again you’re more of a dumbass than the ow who knows where her man is.
written by ......, 22 December, 2011
That’s sick that you would do that to your wife. Being cheated on is one of the most horrible things. It takes a heartless person to literally do that for five years, not only to his wife but to his mistress. I hope she leaves you.
written by Moonstar, 06 January, 2012
I was in a similar situation, I told the wife about seeing her husband and about some of his other philandering. He is a serial cheater. I told her because she only knew about a one time one night stand when he was on a business trip. I found him on another website after he told me he wasn’t looking anymore. He brought home a chronic STD from his one-nighter and she still stayed with him. I am glad I told her, no regrets. He was never going to tell her about his encounters with all the swingers and solo women. She gets what she deserves if she stays with him after all the playing he did behind her back.
written by AffairExpertNot, 12 January, 2012
I have been having an affair for over 2 and a half years. I actually left my wife for her and lived with her for over a year. I broke it off with her and got back with my wife. We never divorced. But the affair with the girlfriend has never stopped. I tried to stop it many times. She always uses threats and sex to keep the affair going. I have read all the stories above and I’m in the same pickle as many of you. My girlfriend is so in love with me that she will do or say anything to keep this going. This is not an ego stroke for me. It’s more of a hassle than anything. I actually love both of them. Weird, but I have equal feelings. That may sound impossible, but it is very true. I went back with the wife because I missed her and the kids(all grown) and everyone had disowned me when I left her. That has been repaired. I don’t want to mess that up again. But my girlfriend wants me to move back in with her and I just can’t. Me and my son own a business together and there is just too much at stake. I started the business for him(probably out of guilt) and I just opened up the 2nd location that I run. I met the GF when I was going bankrupt because of the tanking economy, so she isn’t in it for the money. I work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week running this business and so does my son. It leaves little time for my girlfriend, but she accepts that. We meet for short periods of time. It seems that no matter what, she will always want me and claims that if that is the only way she can have me, then it’s okay. She does have fits of rage and threatens telling my wife and kids, but she never has, even when I didn’t talk to her for a month. My situation is different though. I don’t want to end it with either. I thought I did, but everything just kind of happened and it ended up this way. I tell them both that I love them. The sex is over the top with both of them. They know each other, but they don’t know that I am sleeping with other. But they don’t talk to each other. My wife doesn’t know that the affair never ended. My Girlfriend thinks that I don’t sleep with the wife. In other words, I have given up trying to be with just one of them. I am a great liar and I can talk my way out of anything. I’m not proud of myself at all. I know that I am a piece of garbage. I’m 45 and have the libido of a 20 year old, but I have hypertestosterone levels naturally. When I married my wife 23 years ago, it was because she is very pretty and had an equal libido. That never changed. We still have sex almost daily. The girlfriend and I meet at least 3 times a week. When I was living with the girlfriend, me and the wife were still having sex. They switched positions for a year. The GF is a sex maniac also. I guess I am content with this situation. Maybe I am just warning women out there to not strip a man from his family, because there is a good chance we will go back. Especially if your family disowns you. I love my family, wife and Girlfriend. GF and wife hate each other’s guts. I would like some suggestions on what to do, because I know this will some day come to a head and they will both find out about each other. Weird, but I know that even if they did, my wife wouldn’t divorce me or ask me to leave. My GF would get pissed off for a month, but then start seeing me again. I know I am scum of the earth in many women’s eyes right now. But maybe this can give you some insight into the male brain. I am not a narcissist. I really do love my wife and my
Girlfriend and care about them both deeply. I can’t help myself.
written by maryannh, 13 January, 2012
To all the wives on here that seem so proud they "won," do you believe for a moment that he is faithful after? Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know too many of them. Caught red handed, play good for a few months, buy gifts, do laundry, next thing you know they are in a hotel with a hooker or humping their old OW. MM who cheat do not end their affairs and go back to their wives. They behave when you are watching only. It’s like being a mother to a toddler. It’s not like being married to a real man. Get a reality check and go get yourselves a real man, with real integrity. You deserve it.
written by ..., 16 January, 2012
And people wonder why there is lesbianism...
written by Tamisita, 20 January, 2012
It is so shockingly sad to read all of these posts from the MM, the OW, the wife... its a triangle of deceit that has wrapped all of us together, but the finger pointing has to stop. We are all to blame for all of it!!! You wives, you husbands, you other woman... I lost my marriage to a cheater, was married for 20 years people, I found out through my children (they found out through facebook) it ended, end of story...I’ve never felt such intense pain before, knowing that it was happening when I trusted him with my life, I won’t be the same again... so be it, its my journey through life. I confronted the ow... whatever... the damage was done, its only purpose was to get it off my chest, and to let her know how much it hurt me.. It hurt her as well... there are THREE SIDES here... SUCK it all up all of you!! take responsibility for your own actions!! Wives, your not communicating with your best friend.. (i didn’t, he was so much work, i need this, i need that, Tami i wish you did this)... ohhhhh shut up!! well, got what i got by turning a blind eye... and you husbands, learn how to talk to your wife, for god sakes, if you want it more often, try not fondling her ALL day when your together, and making her a piece of meat... how about thinking of how SHE would like it... she’s pretty much been doing it your way since you got married.... Teach yourself something new, and in return you’ll be surprised what you get back from her... ahhhh the ow... I’ve been here as well, after my husband cheated, I became a cold person, but also i needed to understand the ow... so i became one... GOOD GOD!!! something to never experience again. I am a creature of learning by doing, I cannot be told how to do it, I have to do it to understand it. well i got my heart wrenching gift... 3 years, and did fall head over heels, even though it was only to be about sex... (impossible, simply impossible people) I didn’t think I would ever fall in love again... and now, I am the OW in waiting.. do I care about the MW no... do I care about the kids, YES! am I a tangled mess, yup... it is MY journey, It is HIS journey, It is ALSO HER journey... I guess what I’m trying to say.... WE are ALL at fault for it.... stop finger pointing, this isn’t grade school... takes two to make a relationship work, If you stray, well.... you stray and you pay the piper... If your the ow and you get your heart burned, then suck it up princess, you placed yourself there... as the married wife... ohhhh dear god stop making yourself look like a friggen victim.... YOU KNOW HIM THE BEST right... not a chance!! No one knows anyone!! Just ask my best friend who’s husband murdered her 5 year old... no one knows anything about anyone... only what your given.
written by lovelylady, 31 January, 2012
WOW! smilies/shocked.gif the other woman is talking KRAZY KRAZY. He’s coming to the o/w bcus he knows that you will fu*k him anytime that he wants it. And he knows that you know he is married and you don’t care! Your gonna give it up anyway to him. Duh Duh bi**h. Someone that’s attached does not belong to you, but the o/w is on here crying talking about another woman’s husband. I love HIM I LOVE HIM. HE IS MY WORLD. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIM. You sound retardit..........SMDFH AND LOL....... BUT YOU STILL WANT ANOTHER WOMAN’S HUSBAND. He’s not going to go retard. The husband and the o/w is in fault. It doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or not........BUT YOU STILL WANT ANOTHER WOMAN’S MAN THAT’S NOT YOURS.
written by lovelylady, 31 January, 2012
It doesn’t matter the other woman still wants a man that’s not hers.
written by divamomma1970, 26 February, 2012
I feel that men and women cheat for different reasons. Not the right reasons mind you. But it almost always seems that it is the woman who falls in love and has the harder time letting go.
written by sugar plum, 07 March, 2012
I recently went through a break up with a married man he told me he loved me and missed me and wished i was with him when he was at home with his wife but that i had to be patient with him as he could lose everything if he left now, i told him this didnt matter to me but i respected that he wanted it to be done right for his and his wife and sons sake and i trusted him. We were great togethger and he was here alot i trusted everything he said to me and then i got pregnant and eveb=n then he wanted us to get rid of it as it wasnt fair to bring a child into a relationship that wasnt settled yet. I went through and did everything that he asked me to do all the time because i loved him. Then he wanted to cool things down as his wife was not doing anthing wrong and he felt guilty. He started hanging round with other girls and flirting with them and i heard he was now cheating with them. People kept telling me he was playing me but i trusted and believed him cos i loved him and he said he loved me. In the end somebody messaged his wife and told her about us and i denied it as mus=ch as i could but we were all at a function and she came up and overherd me telling her husband that he is a liar and a cheat and he should tell her the truth. She wouldnt let it go and kicked off in the end she had my phone and read messages i still had from him. I didnt want her to find out as i still love him and wanted me and him back on track like he promised onv=ce things calmed down. I hate what this has done to her and there family i regret what happened and wish i could take it back but i feel for his lies. Yes the wife has got hy=urt but even now he cannot admit it so he clearly got me to go through everything just to save himself, i know as the ow that i new what i was getting into but u cannot always help who u fall for. I have been left destroyed by what i have done and him and while i know i have myself to blame i truly now believe any married man desereves everything they get if they choose to cheat.
written by Kirsty1921, 11 April, 2012
Is it all a game?

It’s been great to read through these posts though its crap to see how many other women are suffering as the other woman.
In both positions, being the lover or the wife, I think the term ‘other woman’ should apply to both parties. Supporting a cheating husband in any way puts you in some strange other league outside what is right. I don’t know if once you’ve cheated you can repair the damage; it certainly doesn’t work that way in other games; your thrown off and your chess pieces taken from you!

I myself have gone through my own other woman mayhem and having come out of it, still in a real tricky place and would love to get some real advice.

I was sexually abused from the age of 11 – 16 by 3 different men. As you can imagine, by the time I was 16, I had a pretty altered perception of sex and relationships. In the grooming situations I came to be in, I came to give my all the men, oblivious to the evil they were inflicting upon me and my future. By the time I was 16, I got it together, started to realize what danger I was in and cut all ties.

Just after this realization, a few months before my 17th birthday, I met a much older man, 27 years older, who was doing the sound for a youth performance group at my local theater. In no time at all, he took me back to his house and so the affair began. He told me he was married but how unhappy he was in it. How he had never wanted to marry her and the times he had cheated as a result.

Of course, he told me, since another affair with a young girl ended prior to meeting me (which last 2 years) he had been faithful until me.
He said I gave him the vibrancy of youth, enthusiasm, support and trust. I while into the affair, he noticed our sex was somewhat staged and asked me if there might be anything to make that so.

Over time, I revealed my story to him and he endeavored to help. He encouraged me to go to the police and did support me through it. All the while, I wasn’t aware I was maintaining and extending a situation similar to those in my past.

So, the police were no use at all, the case was said to be ‘historic’ and therefore I had no stand against the men. So time passed and I focused on college, aided by the support of my lover. He took me away in his motorhome and I met him at hotels and accompanied him as he pursued his acting career. His career allowed him plentiful excuses to get away from home and for us to spend time together, but I was always holding off my own plans in order to make sure I was always free for him; a trend I’m noticing a lot in these ‘other women’ stories.

It was great at the time, I fell deeply in love and figured I was learning a lot and I would be wasting time with young guys anyway. Through it all, he maintained he never had sex with his wife, he said it repulsed him, which was harsh but in a way made me feel desired and special. What I didn’t realize is I was missing out on my chance to experience what real and innocent experiences felt like and making friends and learning to communicate.

Since being 11, I had been involved in sexual relationships with older men, I had no clue really.
But our ‘love’ blossomed and we talked about being together. I would get so upset whenever he left to go home or had to cancel because his wife had turned up out of the blue. He told me he couldn’t leave because I wasn’t ready or old enough (which was true but convenient for him). If he left, and then I realized I wasn’t ready, he would’ve lost his business they ran from their home and his friends and trust of his family. I would just get a smack on the hand.

written by Kirsty1921, 11 April, 2012
So I went along, and grew into it, sometimes sensing I was being used but really just thinking, maybe someday I’ll be ready and until then, I’m with a caring man who is helping me and teaching me things and showing me the world.

Years went by, I never told anyone for fear they would think I was totally horrible for having a relationship with an older man who was married. Some I told half the story but I could never let them in and I never could be free of secrets. No one in my family knew. So whilst I was free of my past, I was now in new territory what was equally as hush hush and dangerously exciting.

4 years went by and he showed me art schools he thought I would like. I got in and he told me how strong we must be to last this long. His other affair with a younger woman ended when she got to university and met a younger man.

Gradually though, I became increasingly uneasy and aware of being the other woman. He gave me a separate phone for him and we would talk every day without fail. Being away from home now and not in London where his work orientates, it was harder to see each other and he got increasingly jealous of my partying and being around boys. I was fiercely loyal and though at the time I thought, I’ve never met anyone, so I’m not missing out relationships with guys my age, I didn’t realize that I would never put myself in the way of opportunities. Good ones.

In August of this year, he came down to stay in the city I lived in. There was a festival on and I had my brothers down also. Of course they didn’t know so I had to sneak around seeing him in fear we would bump into them and so on. We agreed it wasn’t the time to tell them because they were only down for a few days and they would need a while to get used to the idea of an older man (skirting around the additional married issue).

It was like a light had just been turned on. I suddenly forgot why I was in the relationship. I was lying to my family, I was sneaking around, I was now a young woman and I was making very bad decisions. We argued, our conversation dropped and after a few days together, we both felt the sex begin to lose its punch.
I called it off. He had told me he had tried to call it off himself but he didn’t want to leave me stranded or hurt me.

Though I know now, I would’ve recovered from my past as I was started to do on my own. Maybe things would’ve happened more slowly, and I wouldn’t have experienced some of the things but I would’ve started to learn and take it things around me at a regular pace.

I became aware of the danger I was in and hurt I was putting myself through being the other woman. I had met her once or twice and she is beautiful. I felt awful but numb to it. I was sickly in love with him and would hate to make him jealous, so miss out on nights out with the girls etc.

written by Kirsty1921, 11 April, 2012
I told him I could not be in any way attached to him any longer. It felt wrong and I felt I was prolonging the position I was in whilst growing up. We rarely used a condom; he told me he had good control. What if I’d have got pregnant? All these questions now are racing through my mind. All the time I missed out on. The reason our affair never dwindled or the sex become less overpowering was because of the age gap. I would give my everything to him in my naivety.

So anyway, he would text still and he called once a few months later. I missed him so much. We had such a lovely chat and I could’ve been sick with sadness I wasn’t with him. I never asked him to leave though we talked about it and he encouraged me to wait till I knew I was ready. Once that phone went down, I was hit with it all again, I’m the other woman scenario washed over me. In the morning, I warned him I could not have any contact.
I was in depression as I had been for the last few months of our relationship. I was dazed and confused. I went to a counselor though I didn’t find it must to my aid. I finally told a friend the whole story, it’s good to have someone to talk to and my mum knows also.

Then on Valentine’s Day, I received a single anonymous rose. Sick. Part of me was so excited to think someone my age may have took an interest though I knew the flower company from previous flowers he had sent me and knew it. I rang him. He said it was him. Before he could say anymore, I told him to never contact me again or id call his wife.

It’s been never 2 months now and I’ve had the space to overcome this and start surrounding myself with great things.
I know now he would’ve never left and I can’t do anything to change what happened. But I’m now washed with a feeling of regret and impulsion that I should tell his wife regardless of him contacting me again. Sometimes I feel I’m waiting for him to turn up so I can have the satisfaction of getting back. On the other hand, I know this is selfish and revenge isn’t always the best way handle something.

In telling her, I am endeavoring to hurt her also. I know that he knows he has hurt me, and I hope he feels how much I gave him without him deserving it at all.
What makes me want to tell her also is that he has had a relationship with a much younger woman before, he may do it again and I don’t know if his intentions were good as well as understandably lusty for a young girl that wanted to love him and fill in where his marriage dipped, or that he is a bad man willing to do it all again.

I knew if I saw him, my heart would be in my mouth, I would want to love him again, but because I had for so long without knowing how powerful it was; before knowing it was a form of taking advantage just as the other men had.

I know responses will be for and against, but I really would love to talk about this with other people, be as harsh as you like.
Should I do the right thing and get on with my own life regardless, or get on with my own life regardless once I know she knows my story?

written by bewitched, 23 July, 2012
I have been on both sides of the fence. I was cheated on and devastated by my husband and father of our son, and left. Afterwards I just felt like all men are cheaters, I can never trust anyone or get seriously involved again, and if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em..maybe being the OW is better (or so I figured). Very strange reasoning but I was messed up, lost my will. Anyway, you can probably guess what happened. Fell for him and never had anyone like him. It is over now. Did not tell the W as I could never bring myself to look so bad in his eyes..even if that doesn’t make sense. I guess that means he still has a hold over me in some weird way.
What I believe to be true, it does take the wife a lot of strength and love to forgive if she thinks the husband is really a decent guy deep down and she is somehow at fault. But just to rub the OW nose in it is not the right reason. In a strange way things are easier for the OW as she has the least investment in him so has less to lose. On the other hand it’s harder for the OW as the guy she adores has much more invested in the W than her.
It’s really up to these men to get single before they go prowling. If they don’t then they just want to have their cake and eat it too. While the W’s and OW have to share ‘the cake’ lol

written by wombathell, 20 August, 2012
My best friend’s husband approached me for sex. I told her. Period. Tell the wife, tell the wife. Don’t let these men get away with constantly cheating. Too many of us women get caught up in all this pain and it’s because we have no self-confidence!
written by Dontgetit, 21 August, 2012
There’s one thing that doesn’t get said enough. It’s not all about the sex, even for us guys – pigs as so many here like to call us. To be honest, my wife just isn’t an interesting person to me anymore. All she talks about is daily mundane details of the household. Guess what? I don’t care if we get new countertops, hon. When we met in college, she was interested in the world, wanted to travel and learn things, talked about going to school. Then she found out graduate school wasn’t going to be easy and decided it made more sense for her to stay home. Soon all her conversation is about new appliances, real estate, material stupid crap. We have no money issues thanks to my career. I can’t help thinking about how I wish she was more interesting like some of the career woman at my workplace, they seem to be somewhat more aware of the world. I haven’t cheated, too much Catholic guilt for that, but trust me I can see how a man gets there. Sometimes I feel like I am living with a brain dead teenager ...
written by theotherwoman, 31 August, 2012
I was involved in an affair for a year. The guy hooked up with me before going exclusive with his now-ex girlfriend. That didn’t stop him from coming back to me. It was my first affair so I was shocked when he didn’t leave me completely. I had strong feelings for him so it was difficult for me to just drop him. Throughout that year he kept telling me he was going to end it with his now-ex girlfriend, but obviously didn’t. It reached the point where I had enough so I told the girl he was cheating on her since the beginning. I warned him beforehand but it seemed as if he thought I was bluffing. She dumped his ass and ransacked his place; broken mirrors, lamps.. Am I jumping for joy? No. I’m not glad that I messed things up for him, yet I have no regrets that I told her for now this whole triangle situation is done with. Lessons have been learned, not just for him but for myself as well.
written by Lied to by MM, 13 September, 2012
My situation is different from the other OW here. I was seeing a "divorced" man for about 9 months. He told me all about his failed marriage, his divorce, why he had custody of his son, how his ex-wife was crazy etc. We had sex at "his" house a few times, but we live in different towns and I’m very independent, so I don’t ever just show up there unplanned. He’d take me out to restaurants and bars in his neighborhood. Everything seemed very ‘legit’ with his cover story, and he didn’t seem to be hiding anything. However, he stood me up once and I broke it off, then he begged me back.

Anyway, I did some online snooping and found that he was cheating on me with Hos from a swinger website. Broke it off with him again for good. Then I did some more investigating and found out HE ISN’T DIVORCED. Ewwww!!! I had sex with him in his wife’s bed! EEEWWW!!! He told me vicious lies about her. From what I can tell on her Facebook page, she looks like a nice lady and good mother. I am just sick about it.

I was NOT and never would be the OW knowingly. This d***bag pulled one over on me, and he’s pulling one over on his wife. He ‘cheated’ on me with at least 2 other women, that means he’s cheated on the wife with at least 3. I would NEVER stand by a cheater, and don’t know if I should tell the wife or not. I don’t want the scumbag, but I’m hesitant to bring pain to what seems like a good woman (even though it’s her damned pathological liar husband who’s responsible). At the same time, I wouldn’t want to be lied to and never find out. I don’t know what to do. MM who cheat are scum. Plain and simple. Completely disgusting. I’d like to hear from some of the wives here – what should I do? All of you are coming from the ‘OW just wants my man, but I won’ angle. No, I don’t want this loser man. I found out he’s a cheater, I’m done. Should I tell the wife?
written by Theowfornow, 09 October, 2012
I’m the OW at the moment and I hate it, but honestly I never new for a long time that he was married, I now want to tell his wife but at the same time don’t want to cause trouble! Honestly I can’t see how the wife’s here are saying we are the losers for sleeping with there husbands!? You women take them back and blame us!? This married man chased me for eight months straight and gives me money and whatever I want... Not that I need a thing from him as I have a great career etc it’s just crazy to see these wife’s say bad stuff about the other women! He tells me he has told her he is only staying for the kids. If this where true then why would it need to be all sneaky.. Men!! They always think they are smarter then us and to be honest I don’t even want him for anymore then sex and the fact that he begs to pleasure me for hours on end is his problem... I’m sure if his wife knew she wouldn’t leave, who would leave a man that works while u sit on ur ass and do jack all ! A strong women wouldn’t let a man cheat.. They would kick them to the curb and better themselves. Sorry lady’s but going to have to say its the loser man who is winning out on this situation for as long as u wife’s let him!!
written by tooweak, 05 November, 2012
Weird situation had ‘semi boyfriend’ not into him really but he pursued and pursued and persisted. We started a half ass relationship. Went on for three years. He is Indian and under pressure to get married. He now has a marriage arranged. He still phones and texts me every day. I stopped it for a couple of months – blocking his calls but then a situation arose where I had to contact him. So I unblocked his number and we worked on resolving that problem so communication was reinstated – then I went thru a tough time and it was good to be able to lean on him for that, so we have come back to square one. He phones all the time, every day. I don’t love him but I have become accustomed to him. He is always there. He is supposed to be marrying in December – I need to call it Off but I am weak. Should I threaten to tell the future wife?? Would that stop him? I think he lies to me and I KNOW he lies to her. I just want the strength to stop it but he has got into my head. I don’t want to marry him or have an affair with him but I will really miss the attention he lavishes.
written by Dianaa, 12 November, 2012
think before you take your tackle out of your pants, you open yourself to extortion and disaster for your family. Men should realize this, women can and do set traps. and you get no pity from me if you chose to live this way. deal with it.
written by Call your mama...., 06 December, 2012
@ marriedman... thx for sharing your reality.

I know it is very possible for the mm to fall deeply in love with his OW.... Mine did. He loves me to pieces (to the admission of everyone around him). You only need to see his face light up when i walk into a room. I am financially independent, quite a looker (or so i’ve been told), highly educated and generally have outstanding pedigree.... I’m at a very good place in life at the moment (as has been for most of my life).

I am African and polygamy isn’t that big a deal in our society. I met my MM sometime in 2011 (though he has been quite close to my family for over 10years), we initially started as just friends and the relationship has blossomed into a deep emotional attachment. MM then took things to the next level by proposing marriage and goes to tell both families. Being western educated and lived, my 1st thought was how to get my head round the idea of sharing a husband, but after much convincing, i soon got my head round it. Wife finds out about it all and decides to make contact with me; threatening all forms of hell bla bla bla. Things get messy, insults flying back and forth. With all the fracas, MM’s family start to exhibit some resistance to the idea of a marriage at that moment in time. The drama mounts a lot of pressure, we go our separate ways to cool off. Weeks later MM, comes back begging me, apologising profusely and telling me how much he loves me. At that point, my stand is; ‘yes i know you love and i love you too, but i will not fall into the trap of just dating you, because a few are opposed to the idea of marriage. You promised marriage, we are african and like YOU SAID, its in your right to marry 2 women, if you so desire. So its either you man-up, live up to your commitment and do the needful or you take a walk. You either give me equal standing as your wife, or you can take a hike’. Bcos this is how some women fall into the trap of dating these men for years and at the end of it all, after he has gotten the best of you, the marriage/ future he was so eager for, then becomes a mirage. My take is, if you truly love me and want me as desperately as you are making out, then put your money where your mouth is, particularly since nothing in our society prohibits it. If he can’t do that, then we lump it and i move on with my life.

For all the wives commenting on here.... when your MM goes chasing after the OW and is professing love/ lust to her, he doesn’t involve you. Why is it when a problem develops, that you become an active participant???? I was once married and i would NEVER, EVER give another woman the pleasure of discussing my husband with her, making contact with her or entertaining her call. I would personally be insulted if my husband’s girlfriend had the nerve to call me. Its bad enough, I am/ have been sharing my husband with you and you add insult to it by calling to say what??? Whether its the wife calling or the other woman, its a no, no! Both women’s business is with the man. He’s the one that is/ has been involved with you both. He didn’t need either of your permission to sleep with the other, so all fireworks should be directed at him and not each other. And to think some wives feel like they have won some kind of battle after he leaves his girlfriend and ‘returns home to work on his marriage’! Oh plssssss! That is just so pathetic!!! As a wife, i would be mad as hell, that not only did my husband ‘stray’, but more annoyingly, he lacks the ability to manage his own personal affairs, to a point where his girlfriend feels the need to call me. If a man is man enough to be involved with 2 women, he better be man enough to put each party in their rightful place and manage his business appropriately.

So whether i am the wife or girlfriend, no-one should call me, because you very likely won’t like the response you get. If you need to call or talk to anyone to relieve/ liberate yourself, pls call your mum, sister or friend. Since we are sharing a man, i certainly can’t be any of the above.
written by onlooker, 06 December, 2012
To be honest, if i were a 40yr old woman, i would rather be the OW who excites him and he attempts (or pretends) to run off with (till he is caught and sent back to his cage), than the one who has cooked, cleaned up after him, looked after his children and in many cases sacrificed her career for him all those years; yet is not enough for him and he still feels the need to seek solace and excitement elsewhere. All the wives coming on here bashing the OW, i think secretly envy them. Though i hope i never have to make that decision, I can’t begrudge a wife who chooses to take him back, as i understand sacrifices have been made and years put into the marriage, to just hand him over, simply because another woman is exciting him. Besides many of the wives have lived that life for too many years to willingly and comfortably take on the world of dating again, or get used to sleeping alone, and some have given up their careers and not worked for years. But to bash the other woman, in an attempt to direct some of the anger and frustration, is uncalled for. That is just saaaad!! The same way a man met his wife, pursued her and she fell for him, is the very same way, under similar pursuit, another woman possibly can and will fall for him some day. Marriage does not erase that possibility or give a wife the exclusivity of the experience. Wives need to get real! The issue is not the OW. The problem is within your marriage. When a husband has a long term relationship (as opposed to a 1 night stand) with another woman, you need to ask yourself.... What is he lacking that he is seeking elsewhere? Is the marriage getting boring/ monotonous? How do we spice things up to ensure it does not happen again? Its a tough life being wife, mother and in some cases career woman and its understandable that sometimes we get so caught up in life that our marriages suffer some neglect. But, the problem is NEVER the other woman whom we try to portray as the Jezebel who came to steal our man. This Jezebel is often just a woman no different from the wife, who is caught up in her own challenges of life and stumbles upon respite in the form of a charming man, who pursues her and showers her with attention and affection.
written by Dontgetit, well said, 06 December, 2012
Dontgetit, you hit the nail on the head. After a few years of marriage, some wives just become dull and near retarded, they make little effort to look good or take care of themselves. All they become concerned about is the new eco-friendly washing powder at walmart. On the other hand, the OW is out in the world broadening her horizon, pursuing a career, making a difference, probably raising her kids on her own and looking sexy as hell in addition to all that. Like you, i can very easily see how so many men get into that situation. Thanks to the law and a conscience, or many wives would have be left.
written by Stresser, 14 January, 2013
It’s been so helpful reading these stories , I needed help , Thankyou for sharing and good luck to all of us In sticky situations
written by Honesty hurts less than lieing, 21 January, 2013
As the wife of a man I think may be cheating, I would love the truth. I don’t think the OW are all "hussies", and I don’t think the wives are all stupid. I think the marriage is broken, and the MM gets a thrill out of playing both women. What some people fail to realize is that sometimes it is very hard to catch an accomplished liar. Someone who is good at deceit is usually very charming, lovable, and convincing. They are really good at also making people feel sorry for them. OW please know they cry to stay with us too. If we have no solid evidence of an infidelity, a confession from the OW would at least let us know we are not crazy for our suspicions or "gut feelings" which are usually correct, but you don’t want to break up a marriage over a "suspicion". We are not all stupid, lazy, ugly & fat or why would our husbands stay? What a juvenile stereotype. In today’s age it is also not "just about the kids" There is joint custody. An unhappy marriage is never good for any child. I don’t understand what the problem with confessing is whether it is from the MM or OW. Let the wife have some answers so she can make some decisions in her life. It seems like the only one in control here is the MM and that is exactly what he wants. If he truly loved the OW and was miserable with his current wife, why not just end it so they both can move on with their lives. Staying b/c of "the kids" is just an excuse. He just wants to continue the charade because it is really the deceit that turns him on.
written by Lala_b, 30 January, 2013
It’s so much easier to hate the ow but I guess it’s easier to hate her than it is to hate him.

I have just ended a relationship with a man who swore black & blue that he was single. That’s when I fell in love with him. I didn’t sleep with him for 9 months, kissed him after 3 months of him chasing so no- I didn’t just open my legs & hope to steal him. When he told me the truth he said that he hadn’t planned to fall in love with me but he did and was ready to end it. I didn’t contact him or see him until he had actually done it. Turns out he never did, hoped we could just be friends but would still call confessing his love. I loved him too and so the waiting game begun. we had a weekend away (no sex) again he’s certain im what he wants and promises in 3 weeks we would be together permanently. Didn’t hear from him until I got a text saying he’s been really busy and about to propose to his girlfriend. I’ve finally given up hope and feel devastated. He wants friendship and tells me I have mood issues because I’m angry and I want her to know. Yes it’s to hurt him like he hurt me, I certainly wouldn’t be doing it to salvage a relationship. He’ll hate me forever (which kills me inside) he’s already threatened he’ll send my work colleagues nude photos of me. He can go right ahead he can’t hurt me any worse than he has. It’s amazing how from being the love of his life he would do that to me. I probably won’t tell her but before she accepts his proposal shouldn’t she know? I’ve cut contact it ended with us both in tears.. He still says he loves me but can’t afford to lose everything and give up his life, he’s seeing a counsellor, his relationship is better now and me who never lied to anyone is left in pieces. Hey it’s only 4am and I’m up reading forums for answers!
written by Free sparrow, 08 March, 2013
To Honesty hurts less than lying,

I am both a cheated on spouse and a former ow. I discovered my H was contacting other women on a website geared towards cheating. When confronted he deleted his profile. A few years later I discovered medication in his travel bag, suspicious I investigated to find it was used to treat an std. He denied again but when given the proof he finally admitted sleeping with another woman. It certainly put a wedge between us. I turn sought solace from another. Bad move. I felt FAR worse being the deceiver than the deceived.

What are causing your suspicions and what are your plans to investigate to obtain proof?
written by HelenT, 16 March, 2013
Marriage is still marriage. If you’re the single one you have to accept that you will come last and know that you should come last. A marriage is between two people, not three. You have no rights over either person in the marriage. You can’t possibly know what really goes on inside that same marriage. Play it cool, express your feelings if you’re unlucky enough to fall for a married person, then get out. If it really is a union of two souls, the married person will know what to do. However, I feel it very rarely is... Don’t accept crumbs! Don’t make a mockery of marriage! Don’t contribute to your and others’ unhappiness! Life isn’t a soap opera. Date with integrity and happiness will find you.

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