Past Comments – Suspect my husband is cheating - should I leave him?

written by ang_ei12, 28 March, 2008

I don’t know whether I am right saying this, but it seems to me that at different stages in their lives, men want different things than women do,and, if a couple can work through a difficult stage then it can only help their relationship become stronger for the next stage.

You have invested 16 years in this relationship and to throw them away without putting up a fight would be a real shame. What you have to do is to invest in yourself first and foremost, just like he does. I don’t mean that you should cheat as two wrongs don’t make a right, what I mean is that you should do things which please you and improve you. When he sees this, it will certainly make him stand up and take notice, believe me. Start by being more assertive, don’t share your concerns with him for a while, be a little more mysterious, arrange outings for the two of you, pay him some positive attention too, but think back to the days when you first met and try to recapture that feeling. If after having tried this for say a year and he still acts like a d..khead, then you might well have to re-think your future with him. One consolation, you are still young and if you want to can find a person who suits you better. Good luck!

written by isabelle, 03 April, 2008

My husband is in the military. We were both in the Navy before and have been together for 4 yrs. He joined the Army after getting out for a year. We were fine when he left 3 mos. ago but now he found new friends to hang out with that are in their early 20s he’s 28 yrs old. He feels that he gets tempted every time they go out on clubs and would only go first base. He said I’m his only home run. I think that’s very childish of him to say. I love him despite this but he thinks he missed out on those things before and that he enjoys his new life. He still calls and says that he loves me. He doesn’t want to go on leave because he is still holding grudges on the past when we had petty fights. He is going to be stationed in Korea after training in June. Last time we saw each other is 3 mos. ago. I offered to see him during spring break bec. I’m in nursing school. He said he doesn’t know if he has that time and not to waste my money in flying but stated that I could come over for his graduation for 4 days. I don’t know what to do in this situation. Every time he calls it’s all about him and he never bothers to ask how am I doing. I think he likes the attention from women.

written by cloudy123, 04 April, 2008

He has now confessed to sleeping with her, he told me this 3 weeks ago and of course I was devastated. We are trying to work things out, but I still think he’s seeing/talking to her. I check his phone and he’s still deleting the calls. I suggested marriage counseling and he doesn’t want to go, he said everything is fine and he said he’s past it and doesn’t want to talk about it. What do I do now?

written by ang_ei12, 08 April, 2008

Cloudy 123, it won’t be easy for your husband to just break off with this other woman, especially if him going with her in the first place is about him re-thinking his life. From my experience, there isn’t much we can do to change the behavior of others, so its pointless trying to. Now that you know that he has slept with someone else, you can ask yourself what you want to do about it. Don’t do it just yet, because you are now in shock and confused, but give yourself time, be patient with yourself. Just like I said in my first message to you, invest in yourself and you will see that with time you will make the right decision. If your husband wants to behave the way he does, thats his problem. Yes, it hurts and I know how much very well, believe me, but at the end of the day, I could have gone on following my husband, worry about his every move, but I decided not to. I stay in the marriage for now because it suits me to and I have invested a lot of years here. If I was younger, and this message is for Isabelle I would not waste the rest of my life on someone who is immature and doesn’t know what he wants in life, but I am not young any more and I have to think of my welfare first and foremost. I tell you this though, since I started to invest in myself and by showing my husband a more confident and attractive woman, he is paying me a lot more attention, in return, I have started to see him in a different light and see the man first rather than the husband. I have stopped being overly familiar with him and talk to him as if he was a prospective lover. I don’t share petty worries with him anymore and I certainly don’t nag him either. You know something? Life is much easier this way. Try it and you will see how much better you will feel. If nothing else, you will get to know a new you.
If in the end if he does go off, then at least you will be much stronger to deal with it and get on with your life.

written by littlelise, 19 June, 2008

I found out a few months ago that my husband was meeting women online and he was calling a few of them. There was one girl that he called nonstop and texted non stop. They called each other all the time and ran up the cell phone bill to over $400.00 in a matter of a couple weeks. He says they never met, she says they did. I confronted her she told me everything and my husband still lied until a few weeks ago. he told me almost everything. He was trying to pick up girls off the internet and he just wanted to dirt them and use them for sex he told me. Sick is what he is. I was devastated. We’ve been married for 14 years and together for 20. I’m trying to trust him but I can’t. It’s not an easy thing to do. we have a long way to go. He said he doesn’t talk to anyone any more and that he made a huge mistake. Should I believe him? Only time will tell.

written by Jenelle, 11 July, 2008

If you guys choose to stay with a cheating spouse, you don’t really have the right to complain. It’s your choice.

But if you do plan to do leave, focus more time on yourself. Get yourself ready financially and distance yourself from your spouse. At the end of it, you’ll be free.

written by Dianna, 17 November, 2008

I feel like I’m going crazy racking my brain over how he could do this to me. I can’t eat, sleep, stay focused it’s all I think about
I keep trying to just get through the holidays but everything has come unraveled. No matter who has confessed he will not and that is what makes me more mad than anything else. I have 4 kids and I work and go to school full time while he is injured and supposedly can’t work but he can figure out a way to cheat on me. I know I’m leaving i just need to get this all figured out so my kids and i have a safe place to go. I have a little family and hate to put the burden on them.

written by Margo Hope, 29 December, 2008

Hello,

I have read your advise from time to time and I think I get what you are saying, but what do you do when your heart is full of pain as you have to go through life with that smear of life that your husband left on your soul, your children father who claims he loves you but keeps cheating with your sister, his so called cousin and many friends, We had three lovely children my husband was not satisfied he went out and made a kid with someone who has been sleeping with so many other men. Now the child is grown and the problem is bigger, I hate this situation what can I do before I do something that is not in my character.

written by Anna- Irreplacable?, 24 August, 2009

What do you do about a cheating boyfriend? You have two choices: leave or stay. If you decide to stay with your cheating boyfriend, accept that’s who he is. Nothing you can say or do will change that. Don’t live your life in denial that he will stop cheating. If you have accepted him with his cheating ways, then he has accepted, that you have accepted him, so therefore he will continue cheating on you. It’s your choice if you want to live like that. If you decide to leave, then do that, just leave. If you have accepted that he cheats and you do not want to be with someone like that, get out of the relationship. This person can’t give you what you want and when it comes to your life, it’s all about you. You have the right to not accept a boyfriend cheating on you.

Your life is not a dress up rehearsal. Please consider it each time you make important choices.
Imagine that you could buy a year of your life in a drugstore. Silly question but 50 K or $100,000... How much will it cost?
Now imagine that a next door neighbor has a pile of bags with this X sum of money covering the wall at their place. Every day he/she throws a bag out of their window.
People look at him down there spinning fingers around their temples showing he is crazy, some people even shout at him "what are you doing, areshole, we are walking here and you preventing us to walk in the street by your fucking money bags, stop throwing it at us, you freak?" And the neighbor goes like :" yeah, I’m sorry that I caused you some disturbance with throwing the money bag out of my window, tomorrow I maybe try harder to make it better for you", and next day the situation repeats.
Now imagine what would you think of a neighbour who pulls the trick like that?
The moral is that your life resource is the most precious thing that you have.There is nothing more valuable than this divine gift. It is irretrievable.

Claim your life back now! Happiness is just a thought away

written by Jasper, 10 October, 2009

So he confessed that it only happened a few times and it was just a sexual release,not even an "affair" just a quickie so to speak. He says he is ok now and has priorities in orde4r and did apologize and seems remorseful. Under the guise of a business relationship, there are still calls several times a week plus he occasional text (always incoming dele4ted) the outgoing are often sexual jokes.

Knowing how I feel about it he chooses to continue with talking to her. Who is being unreasonable? Should it be an absolute?

written by Niki mey, 13 December, 2009

I’ve been with my bf for 2 years. Since the beginning he’s been in close contact with his x Gf. I found out he was cheating on me the first year and a half of our relationship. So I broke it off with him in the beginning of September 2009. He was begging me to forgive him every day. Even came to my family and sent me bouquets of roses. So I decided to give him one more chance. His x Gf moved to Israel and is away. But I recently checked his email and saw that they r in contact. Receiving emails saying I miss u. And we need to talk. Him replying he feels the same way. What should I do?

written by tatenda joyline, 18 January, 2010

If i heard known i would not have gotten married in the first place.you girls your boyfriend starts cheating now just leave him now because he will not stop and you will always be hurt.i have even gone to an extend of hating my own children i wish they were not there i would move on easily with no pain.Right now i just feel like running away,i even want to run away from my own life.it hurts,a cheating husband destroys you takes away the confidence from you, you will not see the reason even to be smart you will be just powerless my dear it pains.don`t just marry from the word go.

written by Green Eyes, 12 February, 2010

Well Here’s my story. Last year after just giving birth I found out my husband whose 42 was trying to have an affair with his 17 year old cashier. When my new born was 3 months old I had traveled to NY with my 6 year old for the weekend. I ended up finding out that he brought the girl to my home with my 3 month old. Is that f..ker sick or what. Unfortunately I have to be with him for financial reasons. Now he has apologized and said he loves me. But although I act like everything is fine, as soon as I can I’m leaving. In my opinion he’s a piece of shit and a loser. He does whatever I ask him to do and is very respectful to me but that means nothing. What kind of scumbag brings a 17 year old to his house while his wife is away. I sit and smile with him all the while I’m thinking what a creep I have for a husband. I don’t even like to kiss him because I feel sick to my stomach. He has no idea what’s coming but he’ll find out he messed with the wrong woman.

written by emma34, 27 April, 2010

Husband went to Japan for a job with Maersk. Been married to him 24 years and he had retired recently from the army. As time went by, I heard less and less from him. After 3 months he came home to do taxes and move some things as we were planning on leaving VA for MS when his work contract was up. I later found out he had shown my daughters pictures of his ‘girlfriend’ while I was inside cooking dinner for all of us. The next day he asked for us to sit down and discuss our assets and that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Like I said I later found out he had been seeing someone, but this was after he went back to Japan. I found a letter also from the Japanese woman he has been seeing telling him for them to be together I would have to be hurt. Some days were ok and some were awful. Just take it one day at a time. I had confronted him later about her letter and how I knew, and that wanted him to reconsider a reconciliation, at times he seems keen to it, and other times not. This whole thing has been heart wrenching and exhausting.

written by Elaine GA, 14 September, 2010

The neighbors keep telling me that my husband is cheating on me, but it doesn’t matter who the female is just any random woman that will want to have sex with him. We have only been together 5 years and its been a hard 5 years, cheating, lies, drugs, more lies. Every time we meet a nice couple to hang out with, he always messes things up with them. He asked them behind my back if they want to have a 3 some or a couple swap. I don’t do any of that so why would he think I would even if they said yes? My heart tells me to keep working on the marriage but my brain says hit the road with a dust storm following me. My heart is broken and I really don’t which way to go at this point. He doesn’t admit to anything. He’s not doing anything wrong, he "loves me " and is "in love with me". But if you love someone so much like he says he does then how can he keep doing these things to me. I guess cause I put up with it for now. Someday I will come to my senses and my heart will grow cold, then there will be no turning back. I know me.

written by melissa272, 25 June, 2011

I met this man about 6 years ago was going thru a really bad divorce He was so wonderful he loved my children and got a long great with my family, about 3 years ago he asked us to move in with him, I was very skeptical because i didnt want to send my children the wrong message he assured me that we would get engaged and get married and this way we could both save money eventuly I moved in with him and started noticing things right away he was into heavy porn and would chat with women online I confronted him about it and he told me he was sorry and that he would stop at this point I was financially trapped and couldnt leave it happened again and again and basically I feel so differently about him Ive hung in there cause i have no where to go ,yesterday I found a picture mail on his phone It read PLEASE DONT SHOW ANYONE It was of picture of him in his undies I feel so trapped and lost right know he disgust me no one really knows who he is but I know It and it makes me sick want to leave sooo bad but can’t..