I need help cheating my cheating husband

So, I started to suspect my husband of cheating in Jan. 2017 and I started to record him. I could always hear a girl, but he always seemed to have the TV and radio on really loud.

It took me until April to figure out that it was an ex friend of our daughters. I had invested in a new recorder with noise control and I heard them very clearly. Of course, he still denies it and I know they continue to see each other.

It has mostly been in my home, but I have no photos and everyone says I don’t have real proof. I have tried to catch them, but my emotions get in the way. It has been going on for too long and I just want to start living again. Also, I think he might have another phone to communicate with her and just don’t know how I can find out!

Some advice on how to end this whole thing, catch him and move on with my life!

Response:

There are generally two ways that spouses get caught cheating and both of them are very painful. The most common way is through accidental discovery—you come home early from work and catch them in the act, a third party slips up and tells you the truth, or you stumble upon an explicit text message exchange between your husband and his lover.

The other way that the truth comes out is the path you seem to be on—you’re actively trying to catch your husband, but he’s one step ahead of you. In this case, it’s like a game of cat-and-mouse. The closer you get to catching him, the better he gets at concealing his behavior. There are more methods you can use to try and get the definitive truth about your husband’s actions (see catch a cheating spouse).

However, it’s possible that your husband might also be aware of these methods and take steps to avoid getting caught. If you think that’s the case, our best recommendation is to hire a private investigator (see should I hire a private investigator?).

While this option is typically more expensive, a private investigator will get you the proof you need and do so in a way that keeps you from running afoul of the law. It’s possible to collect evidence of your husband’s cheating in a way that puts you in legal jeopardy. So, if you want to discover if your husband is cheating, make sure the evidence you have helps (rather than harms you) in divorce proceedings. If you’re goal is to get on with your life, it’s probably wise to spend the extra money, get the proof you need, and make sure the evidence you collect doesn’t come back to harm you (in a legal setting).

It also helps to have a support system ready to help you deal with whatever evidence comes to light. If you can, make sure your friends know what you’re going through, have a counselor lined up, and make sure that you take care of yourself during this process—eating healthy and exercising can greatly help people get through such difficult times.

Hope this helps.

 cheating husband | denies infidelity | legal issues

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