My husband seems to be cheating on me with men and women

I have recently been tipped off that my husband has been cheating on me with cougars of craigslist. I have seen browser history from the "casual encounters" section for both m4m mw4m w4m. He claimed it was for the pictures to get him self excited. My curiosity got the best of me and through his current email account; I found a Kik (messaging app) email he had sent to another email.

Through some digging I hacked into two other email accounts I under his name. One was mostly innocent. He has two Dropbox accounts I have discovered. He still uses Kik even when he said he hasn’t in a long time. And he had 70+ emails in his "sent" folder soliciting sex from Craigslist ads. With the most recent being three months ago just after my birthday and then a month before the birth of our third child.

They were mostly one-sided conversations him inquiring on an ad he had seen. Many bi curious conversation and talk about how it’s been years since he has been with a guy. There were s OK me conversation about threesomes and meeting up. Even photos of himself and offering to host. In our home. Back when his job was very laid back. He even stated what area we live in, his stats and that he had a wife on some emails. Most emails were sent four years ago and a few times in between then and now.

He had been sexually abused as a child from a male family member but never has gone into detail about what happened and I have never pushed for him to talk about it. One night he was very drunk and had told me he and a friend gave each other oral. (That friend married my friend and has ruined their marriage and family life by sleeping around with men and women)

My question is how to bring this up? Abuse is a sensitive subject. But what he has done is not ok. I need therapy of some sort to keep me from losing my mind, and I feel he needs help too. Of course I fear if we get help that we may discover life can’t go on being married. I want to work this out, but I can’t have this happen right under my nose.

Response:

Our best advice is to see a counselor and ultimately share what you’re going through with your husband. Describe how you’re feeling about the situation – scared, hurt, confused, and so on. The more you can describe your feelings without triggering a defensive response (see talk about problems) the quicker you’ll be able to determine how sincere your husband is about addressing this issue and how motivated he is to do so.

Starting the conversation with your husband is the best way to get this issue out in the open and resolved. There are no guarantees about the ultimate outcome, but ignoring the issue or trying to avoid it doesn’t work in the long run. Being proactive and raising the issue and trying to work through the situation with your husband is typically the best way to deal with such situations. Better to take control over what’s happening rather than let events take you by surprise.

 cheating husband | confront lying

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