My husband got a STI while I was pregnant
My husband (married for 3, together for 10= 13 Years) confessed to me a mistake he made almost a year ago at a close friends bachelor party.
Scenario: he lied about the night’s itinerary before he left and the next day. And confessed now because he had contracted genital warts on his scrotum and inner leg and was scared.
I was in my second trimester of pregnancy at that time and he had gone to a strip club, which I’m not ok with, and then he ended up at a sensual massage parlor.
He kept lying when I asked what happened there and finally he said he paid to have a sensual massage from a naked girl that rubbed her breast and genitals over his naked body & genital area but there was never penetration as he considered that to be cheating and this massage was just a massage.
He was erect and when he turned over felt this was not what he originally thought (lots of alcohol that night) and became limp and said to end the session. He said he didnknow that was what she was going to do, but took off his boxers without questioning. He wants to blame the alcohol but there were plenty decisions and actions made that say otherwise.
I am furious on many levels:
- he lied before they left & next day onwards
- cheated on his pregnant wife and did not consider that to be cheating as it wasnvaginal intercourse
- endangered our fetus as this sex worker could have had more sti/stds than genital warts that could have passed to baby and myself and harm his life (because we were still intimate)
- has to get the warts dealt with and never considered HPV could seriously harm my uterus and cause cancer and that I would have to get an invasive testing to see if I’m infected
- kept his wedding ring on and went with the close friend who I cannot be friends with now
He’s been emotional, crying and begging for forgiveness, as this is not who he is and he really made a bad mistake. Our 5-month-old infant son is healthy so far but I donhave the time or energy to deal with my cheating husband.
How do I overcome this as it came out of nowhere? I donknow where to start, how to forgive and trust him again, he is my best friend and I have tried very hard to make sure he was happy at home but this tells me otherwise and how unimportant he was thinking about his family.
Your anger, pain and frustration are right on the mark. Your husband’s actions violated your trust and put you and your family at risk.
Based on your question, it seems that you love your husband and are fairly happy, except for this incident.
If that is the case, our best advice is to try to work things out.
We strongly recommend reading the following sections of this website (provided below). They contain a lot of practical advice for dealing with this situation.
Essentially, you want to focus on your feelings, not your husband’s behavior. You did a good job of highlighting your husband’s mistakes. But, if you can focus on your feelings, rather than his actions (i.e., disappointed, hurt, scared, shocked and afraid) and get your husband to empathize with you. If your husband makes you feel understood this will help you deal with your emotions and provide him with the motivation needed to make sure this never happens again.
All betrayals come as a surprise – out of nowhere. If you knew it was going to happen, you would have tried to prevent it. Also, the fact that your husband feels remorseful is a good sign. It shows that your husband does care. Everyone makes mistakes, including huge mistakes. But, if this is an isolated incident, then it is probably in your best interest to work things out.
Here are the articles/sections that will help you make sense what happened and how it can be fixed.
- What Counts as Cheating
- Understanding the Decision to Cheat
- Rebuilding Trust
- Surviving Infidelity
- Talk about Problems
I have my own question to ask
Truth About Deception – back to our home page.
- Should I be friends with a man who cheated on his wife and betrayed my trust?
- Stuck in the same pattern of accusations and withdrawal