My husband caught me chatting with the other man (from the past)

I had sex twice many years ago with a friend of ours. While I really don’t remember very much about the details I do know that at the time it wasn’t right since my husband and I were friends of the other couple.

Well they moved out of state about 12 years ago and we only kept in touch on occasion. Recently the OM began texting me and eventually it got into some hot and heavy sexting.

Well my husband spotted my site on FB and saw where the OM said he would like to do various things to me. So later my husband acted like he was me and asked the OM if we can have sex like before. The OM said better than before.

Well that’s how my secret was discovered.

My husband now has ED, the Om lives 500 miles away. I know nothing will ever happen but my husband is so upset that he made me write an email to break it off.

It was only chat.

Why is he so upset?

I confessed everything now and gave my word never to cheat again. The OM lives so far away that we will never see each other again. How can I convince him to just let me chat?

Response:

Infidelity is more difficult to resolve when it is discovered by accident (see method of discovery). Had you told your husband, rather than let him discover the truth on his own, he might have an easier time rebuilding trust. You actively tried to conceal the truth from him, so he has no reason to put his faith in you.

Cheating can involve more than just having sex with another person. Violating a partner’s expectations – such as that you won’t have intimate, sexual conversations with someone else – can constitute a violation of trust (see what counts as cheating).

In other words, it was not just “chatting”, but you were having a sexually intimate experience with another person. Few spouses would approve of that type of behavior.

Coupled with the fact that you actually cheated, hid it from your husband, and were interacting with the other man in a sexual manner, he has every right to be upset and not trust you.

Some general rules to consider. If you would not behave that way with another person face-to-face, then you shouldn’t behave that way online. And if you want to violate your husband’s expectations, you should get permission ahead of time. Finally, if you are hiding something from your husband, it usually means you are betraying his trust. If you are doing nothing wrong, then do it in the open.

 cheating wife | trust issues

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