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Dealing with an on/off relationship with cheating involved

So the situation I’m in right now is that me and my girl we known each other for 2 years, we had on/off relationships in the past, whereas I cheated on her once, and she cheated on me 3 times in the past, we currently have a kid, and we both decided we’ll make it work, so we do. But we had disagreements with moving in, and all that other junk, but the main thing that’s been brought up in the past is our son’s possible father, and she always keeps in ‘contact’ because he might be the father, but we disproved that, so we broke up again and got back together, and she’s been sleeping around constantly since we broke up for those 3 days, and she said she did that because she has a familiar feeling when she’s with them that reminds them of me.

Now I forgave her 5 times already, then yesterday she went to her ex’s and spent the whole day their, and risked all we had just to spend 1 day with him. Is it my fault that I forgive easily? How do I even approach a situation like this, we are currently not talking to each other anymore, but I know she wants to get back with me in another 5 days or so. How do I even do something with this?

Our relationship was going downhill from there, but do I get back at her? Do I even look at her or contact her? There’s our kid involve and I still want to see him and I’ve been trying everything, working out a plan, getting custody...none of it works!

Any help or tips?

Response:

The pattern you describe, an on/off relationship with cheating and reconciliation, followed by hurt feelings, frustrations and questions about how to make it work is typical when two people with anxious styles of attachment date each other (see attachment styles).

Of course, it is not possible to be certain about this interpretation without more knowledge and facts. But, given the situation you describe, seeing a therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy is probably in your best interest. Getting professional help from a specialist is the most effective way of dealing with these types of situations.

 anxious attachment | cheating boyfriend | cheating girlfriend | trust issues

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