Classic story of a cheating wife

This is the classic story of the dumb husband staying at home looking after the kids while the wife is out in the company of another guy, not at a dance class or a farewell party as said. I have been doing this so often lately (staying at home with the kids), in hindsight I am dumber than I thought, (always listen to the little man in your head, he’s never wrong). This is the second time she has been caught; the first she would say was ‘just flirting’. This time is more serious and 18 months apart since the previous episode. That I am aware of, there could have been so many, I just don’t know or think I even want to know.

She was caught this time when I noticed a txt message from her "Sweet S^^^" while I was in the kitchen and her phone was left unlocked so I simply saw who it was from (a former colleague). The first sentence led to a chain of back and forward conversations with enough evidence. I then found two emails with more sordid details on her laptop, this has been going on for weeks as far as I can tell, it could be longer, who knows. Once confronted, she didn’t deny it. She said all of the classic lines, I don’t need to say them, but the classic of all classics, “its not what you think!” Again, as in the previous time she said, she needs to see a counselor to understand why. Whether she will or not who knows. She didn’t last time and I made that expectation clear as part of reconciliation. I should have insisted!

So after all that, sorry my question is: Can a serial cheater and pathological liar be saved? Would counseling even if sort do anything worth me considering mending this relationship?


It is very difficult to save a relationship when a spouse does not admit the truth when confronted with evidence of their cheating (see surviving infidelity).

Counseling can help in situations like this. But, there are some guidelines to take into consideration. Just as with every profession (e.g., plumbers, doctors, lawyers, etc.,) there are some truly gifted counselors and some who are not very good at their job. Also, counseling in situations like this, typically works best when the person seeking help truly wants to change. Being pressured into counseling or just going through the motions is not likely to bring about the change you want. Also, counseling in situations like this, where there are serious issues to address (and perhaps some underlying personality disorders) can take a lot of time (better to think in years, not months).

You are in the best position to know what is in your best interest. Therapy is not a cure-all. It requires time, commitment, and a gifted professional.

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