I cheated on my boyfriend – should I confess?

I am in such a big mess. I don’t even know where to start. A while ago, my boyfriend got a new job offer and accepted it. During the time that followed he had a lot of stress at work and at night when he returned home he was very distant with me—he wasn’t so close and caring.

I felt lonely and I felt as if he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore. It happened that I cheated on him ONCE in this period. However, he got a new job now and gives me all the attention I need.

I realize he is my soul mate and feel TERRIBLE for cheating on him instead of understanding why he was distant and distracted. Now he is very lovable and our relationship has never been better. BUT my conscious is bothering me everyday for what I’ve done.

I’m afraid if I tell him the truth now, he wouldn’t understand and leave me. And I don’t want to loose him, I love him so deeply, I realize I made a horrible mistake.

It was impulsive and wrong and now I don’t know how to live with myself.

I don’t want to loose him ever. I can’t see my future with anyone else but him.

The cheating didn’t mean anything to me- I don’t love that person and don’t even have contact with him.

Please can you help me?

Should I be honest or rather keep my mouth shut for the sake of not losing my boyfriend?!?

Response:

It helps to focus on several issues.

First, why did you cheat? Was it purely situational? Your boyfriend was not being attentive, which caused you to feel unloved? And rather than address the problem constructively (see talk about problems), you acted out?

If it was truly just a one-time relational problem (see who is likely to cheat) caused by a unique situation, then it might be best not to tell your boyfriend what happened (see should I confess).

But, from your question, it sounds like your cheating may have been prompted by an anxious style of attachment (see truth about attachment).

Anxious individuals have a tendency not to feel loved, idealize their romantic partners (“he is my soul mate”), and cheat on their partners in order to feel loved, wanted and appreciated. If this is the case, it might be best to deal with your anxious style of attachment, so that this problem does not happen again. If you have an anxious style of attachment and ignore the problem, you WILL likely cheat again, despite your current feelings of remorse and regret.

Finally, you should also consider if your boyfriend will find out. If there is any chance that your boyfriend will find out what happened, he needs to hear about it from you (see should I confess).

anxious attachment | my infidelity

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