Reached a breaking point with my husband’s lying and cheating

I have been married for 7 years. My husband was cheating before we got married. I was young and I loved him so much I believed that he would change.

He is 14 years older that me but his actions are that of a teenage boy. I found text messages on his phone in the first two years of our marriage. I donknow how many women I’ve called to tell them they must leave my husband alone. Some I’ve even beating up. Degrading myself for what?

Anytime I threaten to leave him he will beg and apologize and give me his mobile phone and he promise that he wonhave any secrets. But that will only last for weeks then he will be back again into his old tricks.

It got to a point of me believing that there is something wrong with me and anytime I confront him he will blame me for being insecure jealous and that my approach when I ask him is wrong and that I should be submissive.

I have been a good wife to my husband and he knows it, but he has succeeded in making me believe that it is me who is the cause of his cheating ways.

He appears to be a good husband. People love him he is a charmer he has a soft tongue and he can lie like the best of them. Because he has bought me "the world" and anything that I want he thinks that’s love. Anytime I ask him to show me love affection he will say I am ungrateful and he compares himself to husbands who cheat in public.

I have a fulltime job I also help with our finances but he makes me feel so useless. I have so many stories of him and his ordeals that I’ve been turning a blind eye because I wanted our marriage to work and didnwant to give up.

I am now at a crossroad. The person that I loved so much the person has yet again betrayed me.

The other day I found an electricity bill with his handwriting on it. He had written a home address and a woman’s underwear size like 34b top and size 10 bottom. When I asked him what it was about he denied it started shouting at me and blaming me and that his business is not doing well all am interested is unnecessary things.

He said it was just a plot size of a land he wanted to buy, ok then I said to him it’s fine but he must know I am not stupid.

So I decided not pursue it any further. For some reason, 4 days later I was so haunted by it that I decided to look into it. First I looked on his Facebook page and there was a particular girl when I saw her profile my heart started beating fast. I then called the address register office and they gave me the name of the owner of the address. It was the same girl from FB. I couldnbelieve it. How can he cheat again? Will he ever change?

I called him screaming asking him who is this girl in his life he denied knowing her. When I went back to his Facebook he had deactivated his account. I went through this girl’s pictures then it showed that their affair must have started last year. I came across a photo that she posted of her new sunglasses when I looked at the sunglasses they were the same pair as mine and mine are missing.

I got home from work asking him why would he do that to me and why would he give his girlfriend my new sunglasses he denied everything.

At this moment we are not talking to each other I am tired I’ve had enough. I have too much hatred for him and things will never be fine again.

He is not remorseful. He is not showing any care. He is so selfish I want to leave him. I can never trust him again. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life worrying who is he seeing. I am not at peace. I’ve come this far but I feel this is it.

Response:

Sorry to hear about your situation. Relationships, even the best of relationships, go through difficult times. However, based on your description, your relationship is far from healthy. Healthy relationships are grounded in love, understanding, respect and support (see healthy relationships).

But, what you are describing is toxic (see quiz – is my relationship worth saving?). Your husband shows little respect, appreciation, and remorse for his actions. Some individuals have a difficult time feeling empathy for others. If this is the case with your husband, then your concerns will never be taken seriously.

In situations where that is the case, the best thing to do is seek out a counselor to help you develop the strength, courage and skills to leave the relationship and make your life better. It seems like you are at your breaking point. Now is the time to focus on how you can help yourself. Any time or energy spent trying to make your relationship work or understand your husband’s behavior is a waste of time.

Hope this helps.

 cheating husband | lying husband | troubled relationship

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