I just confessed to cheating and want to rebuild trust

Three months ago I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years then lied about it. I love her so much and I have no idea what I could have been thinking.

I finally confessed.

She’s still talking to me and she wants to get through this. She has no trust in me whatsoever. Even when she says she’s starting to trust me, it seems to hurt her too much.

What can I do to help? She cannot decide whether or not to give me another chance.

I know I will never do it again. How do we get through this?

Response:

To begin with, partners are much more likely to be forgiving when confessions are sincere and not forced. If you decided to reveal your mistake on your own, then you have a much better chance of saving your relationship because unforced confessions demonstrate a greater sense of remorse for what happened (see should I tell).

Also keep in mind that your actions betrayed her trust and caused her a lot of pain. And people who have been hurt as such often feel helpless and out of control. So, if you want to help her work through this issue, do things to make her feel more in control and less helpless (see rebuilding trust).

In other words, she is going to want to understand “why” you cheated on her. And saying that you don’t understand your actions or that you didn’t mean to do it won’t help her regain a sense of control. In fact, saying such things may make her feel more out of control, like it could easily happen again.

So, take the time to examine why you cheated, talk to her about it, and let her help you craft a solution to see that it doesn’t happen again (see once a cheater).

More often than not, this is easier done with the help of a professional counselor (see infidelity advice).

Best of luck.

 my infidelity | save relationship

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