My wife no longer has feelings for me

My wife is having an emotional affair. We got married in April of last year, and have one child together and one that is mine that lives with us.

We just recently moved and I feel that she resents me for that. We had to move for me to pursue my career; I was gone a lot prior to the move because I started my job two months before we had a place to live.

She started talking to him because I wasn’t there. She has indicated that she would stop talking to him if she felt like there was a way to fix things between us.

She currently has no feelings for me, and is convinced that we are doomed. I know that we have other issues to work on but I feel like we can’t get anywhere as long as he is still in the picture.

How can I get her to see that we can get things to work? Where do I begin to make her fall in love with me again? Should I just give up?

Response:

Sorry to hear about your situation. The benefit of being in a romantic relationship is that it creates intimacy, closeness and understanding. And when couples create a sense of togetherness, it produces a lot of physical, emotional, and tangible rewards.

However, if your wife is having an emotional affair, she is creating that closeness with someone else. Essentially, she is getting the benefits of being in a close relationship outside of your marriage, leaving you with little in return.

When this happens, it is common for a spouse to have “no feelings” for their current partner. Unfortunately, this is not an easy situation to turn around because your wife is currently getting her needs met. Try to see the situation from her perspective: Why does she need you?

The best way to save your marriage is through counseling. If you can work on your issues together as a couple, you can turn things around. But, that won’t happen until the other guy is out of the picture and your wife is willing to give your relationship another chance. Unfortunately, until your wife is ready to give things a second chance, your options are limited (see recovering from infidelity).

Basically, our best advice is to start counseling on your own (see emotional support).

Start working on the issues that you know exist and consistently demonstrate to your wife that you are committed to making things work. Hopefully, you can convince her through your actions that you are serious about turning things around.

Eventually, emotional affairs hit a rough spot, and you want to be there to take advantage of that situation, just like he did when you and your wife were going through a rough time.

Finally, emotional affairs are very common, because when couples get together, they rarely discuss the issues that might pull them apart. But, having these conversations early in a relationship can save a lot of grieve and heartache in the long run (see questions couples should ask…).

 emotional affair | save relationship | shows no interest

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