I am cheating with a married man who lies

I’ve fallen in love with a married man 2 months ago. Since then we met 2 or 3 times a week, he slept at my home and stayed overnight (he told me his wife doesn’t care what he does). We had a wonderful time, full of love.

A week ago he told me one of his sons had leukemia so it was clear we wouldn’t meet for a long time and could scarcely talk on the phone or exchange sms. I had some suspicions and I found out his son is at home, very healthy!!!

I haven’t told him yet I know the truth as I want to confront him face to face but I can’t imagine what can make a father make up such a terrible thing and I wonder when I talk with him how will I ever know what is true and not.

I will be very grateful to have some advice as how to behave, what to ask, what can be the reason he would destroy a beautiful love story (he told me yesterday he would come and see me this week).

Thank you a lot.

Response:

People have affairs for many different reasons: To escape from a bad relationship, an opportunity presents itself, a high sex drive, the thrill of excitement, and so on (see likely to cheat).

And sometimes affairs are driven by love: People fall in love with someone who they love more than their spouse. Affairs driven by love, however, are usually anything but fun. They are full of stress, agony and regret.

But, please also be aware that some people actually thrive on cheating and manipulating others simply because they can. These people get a kick out of making other people fall in love, only to break their hearts. For them, love is a game, affairs are short-lived and full of lies and manipulation (see ludus).

If you are the victim of someone who is playing games with your heart, he has probably told you everything you wanted to hear, regardless of the truth.

And while such affairs are fun and exciting, they usually don’t last. People, who start these types of affairs, sweep their victims of their feet, but then they lose interest when their victims fall in love (see lovefraud).

Unfortunately, your situation sounds more like someone playing games (i.e., “my wife doesn’t care… my son has leukemia”) than someone who is genuinely in love with you. If he is truly in love with you, he would not have told you such lies.

And if he is playing games with you, confronting him will only make things worse. If you confront him, he’ll only tell you more lies leaving more confused than you are now.

While this may be hard to hear, it is probably best not to investment more time or energy in this situation. In the long run, very little is likely to come of it.

ludus | other woman | playing games

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