Past Comments – My boyfriend is lying to me about smoking pot

Comments (137)

written by wow, 28 May, 2008
wow great response..
This same exact thing happened to me.
It sucks.
written by ___, 14 August, 2008
This is good advice.. I’m in a similar situation, however I’m too much of a weakling to do anything about it.
written by 1234, 15 September, 2008
I just recently found out that my fiance is doing the same thing behind my back... my wedding is in 2 weeks & my mood is completely off.
written by ..., 08 October, 2008
My boyfriend lied about not smoking pot for 5 months, and it really hurt me when a mutual friend let me hear in a voicemail message all the "good shit" he’s been smoking. I broke up with him instantly, and he turned it around saying that I should have helped him through it without giving him an ultimatum (me or weed). I’m a lot more shookin up over loosing him than he is, so I think that basically is an indicator that I need to move on.
written by Mnicole86, 14 January, 2009
My boyfriend was smoking weed when we first got together. It didn’t bother me because I didn’t intend on getting serious with him-then I got pregnant. He smoked through my entire pregnancy and then got caught with weed and got put on probation for 6 months. He has been clean for almost a year until tonight he came home and I smelled it on him. His eyes were bloodshot and he was slurring his words. He also had food from a fast food place-which is out of character for him. He doesn’t eat past 7 p.m. I can’t tell if he’s drunk or high. How do I know if he’s smoking again? My instincts are telling me he is, but then again I’m wanting to believe that it’s just the alcohol.
written by test, 04 March, 2009
To all guys out there. If a new girlfriend is trying to change you or force you do something in your life you don’t want to do. Get rid of her. These things start small, but years down the road she will try to control more and more. A good relationship means mutual respect for each other’s lives. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner does, they are allowed to have their own life outside of you and be a part of things you may not want to be apart of. Controlling girlfriends lead to controlling wives you don’t want to go down that road. Pot is bad, trying to force change on your partner is even worse.
written by unsure. ...., 10 March, 2009
I’ve been suspicious or my fiance smoking for a while but never had any proof. Her brother smokes heavily and she’s been hiding her drinking problem. Well this morning came downstairs and found a box on the counter with papers, a bag of pot and some joint butts. She tried to say it was her brothers and it was out in the garage but had NO explanation of what it was doing in the kitchen open on the counter. I know she was up during the night. My biggest suspicion is our bathroom off the kitchen has smelled like someone has smoked in there for over a month now. It’s never smelled like it does recently. She insists it’s her brothers but I have strong doubts. She’s lied to me about drinking and this is just too suspicious. What do I do? smilies/cry.gif
written by racheal, 18 March, 2009
I dont think asking my boyfriend to stop smoking is controlling, when your in a serious relationship you change for each other.. you make sacrifices. My boyfriend agreed to stop smoking and supposedly hasn’t for a while..(he usually does it with his friends and at work!!) I found out last night that he’s going to buy some from a guy at work to smoke while working! he claims this is the only time but why would it be? how can i trust that? i know that has to be a lie..I want to break up with him to prove im not going to deal with this but im sure we’ll eventually get back together at it would all be pointless i dk what to do..i feel like if he cared he would stop and not do it behind my back when i cant find out..he’s said on many occasions he wants to stop and move on to better things but im guessing that’s not true..what do i do?
written by Confused and not amused, 12 April, 2009
My bf and i have been together for almost 3 yrs now an at the beginning of our relationship he smoked pot heavily and i knew about it but i was ok with it because i was young and i for some reason really wanted to be with him. Well, after a year of being together i was getting tired of it and asked him politely to quit for me, and he said he would. Then i found out that he was still doing it because one of his friends told me and when i confronted him he said he was and i decided to stay with him. Then about 8 months after that i caught him in the act when i came home early from school and we talked about it and for some reason i can’t break up with him. It hurts to even try to break up with him. I gave him one more chance and about 9 mts or so after, his friend told me he was smoking with him a couple days ago and when i confronted him he said he only had one hit. I came the closest i had ever come to breaking up with him and i even said we needed a break but here we are still together and i love him so much. I just can’t trust him at all and i have urges to go through his pockets and phone searching for any indication that he’s lying to me again. How in the world am i supposed to trust him if he’s lied to me so many times? I want to be with him but some part of me says it should be over because there is no way he’s going to change if he’s already lied and i have zero trust in him at all. I really need some advice. smilies/sad.gif
written by OlderGirl, 26 April, 2009
When either a guy or a girl shows resistance to their partner’s objections to their lifestyle, it shows that they haven’t dealt with issues from adolescence. When you’d rather -rebel- than continue a good relationship (assuming otherwise it IS a good relationship) it shows you’re not quite grown up. Frankly, at my age, I want a grown-up partner; not someone who’s modeling helpless childhood for his children.

Do you want your -total- freedom and independence or do you want to be loved? In my life, I’ve learned it isn’t possible to have both. Most people do some compromising and negotiating. But some issues are deal breakers and drugs really -are- one of them.
written by Over it, 28 April, 2009
I had been with the same guy for a very long time, and recently found out that they had been lying to me about smoking pot. I am very against the drug and they always knew this fact. They lied to my face this whole time about doing it. I left them, but it is hard because I feel that if you really love someone, you wouldn’t lie to them about something you knew would hurt them. Waste of 3 years of my life.
written by another gf on the receiving end, 12 May, 2009
I’ve been with my bf for a year and only found out a few months ago that he was a smoker. i’ve never been with a smoker before so this is all new to me. he was smoking one a week when i first knew about it. Now he smokes 24/7 apart from when he is asleep (well sleeping high for the first hour or two). i never see him straight. i confronted him about it (nicely), i was only concerned for his health and his job. Now, I don’t see him and when I do he hides his smoking from me ie. I go shopping and when I get back he’s stoned. It makes him happy so I don’t want him to stop but just cut down. He said he’s been smoking for nearly 15 years. I don’t think I’ll say anything coz I’ll just sound like a whining girlfriend.
written by zuzu, 22 May, 2009
Being lied to about it is the worst. I don’t know what I did to get treated like this. This past weekend, I caught my boyfriend. I found out he had been lying about smoking cigarettes, chewing, and smoking weed. smilies/shocked.gif
I was like, wtf.. again? I had already caught him with cigarettes and he told me he’d stop. But then this happened and I’m just so insecure, doubtful, hurt, I just can’t believe him. I don’t trust him at all anymore, I can’t. My friends tell me that once a liar, always a liar..
I’m just so confused by this relationship, we always have a great time together, been together for 3 years, I’ve never lied to him about anything, I always come out with the truth, we’ve even talked about marriage so why would he do this to me now?
Does he have some effin death wish I don’t know about?
I feel like he ruined a great relationship.. it really was.
written by Mihail, 28 May, 2009
Don’t bother making someone stop smoking weed, you can try to make him/her smoke occasionally. Weed is easy drug, like coffee cigarettes that means he/she can use it occasionally and can stop smoking 24/7. The more you deny something to someone the more he does it if he likes it.
My gf asked me to quit some stuff [i do weed about once or twice a month and that’s the limit], not weed related, and gues what no one is perfect. Women are not perfect , they have stuff that men dont like and if men ask her to quit she wont do that easy, but he can ask to lay it down with the thing that annoys him.

I know men that smoke from time to time and have a life that for many is just a dream, a good job, kids, a beautiful woman and so on.

Some one said "weed or me" that’s the most idiotic thing i ever heard, some one else said "compromising and negotiating" now that’s the best solution. Don’t forget you might like to do something he doesnt like and how would yo feel if he says "me or that" , sux isn’t it ? , BUT you can compromise and do a lil of that without it to become annoying. EH to much to say and no time.

Sorry for spelling mistakes, i’m not english

Take care smilies/cheesy.gif
written by jennybaby09, 07 September, 2009
my boyfriend is kinda a health freak, and hated me smoking weed when we first got together. i did cut down, im not addicted to it but i enjoy a smoke every now and again, same as i like an occasional drink. but he would always moan at me and ruin my high till eventually, i got him to try it (he wouldnt smoke it but agreed to eat it, and actually enjoyed it) now i only occasionally get stoned but when i do its WITH my boyfriend and are both happy at the compromise!
written by ..., 18 September, 2009
My BF not only lied to me about smoking weed...he also lied about talking to an ex and doing other major drugs. He knows How i feel, and i broke up with him before, because I feel that you can’t change someone. I have seen potential in him, and wanted him to have a better life. Now im lost, how can one person care about someone and the one they care about can’t even care about them selves. I don’t no what to do. He says hes sorry when I confront him, and that he loves me over his friends and drugs...but does he really
written by Yadk, 27 September, 2009
I am going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years on and off and 2 years straight through. From the beginning I told him because of fam and past bf’s that smoked I couldn’t date a "pot head" After telling him this we compromised that I would quit smoking if he quit smoking weed. Needless to say I haven’t smoked in 4 years and he hasn’t smoked in 4 days. My problem continues cause my cousin is the one that tells me when he smokes behind my bad but everyone I confront him with the facts he tells me it won’t happen again. I am at my wits end because I feel like he really could careless about our relationship cause he keeps on smoking. However if I were to smoke cigs again he wouldn’t ever give me a second chance. Please help!!smilies/sad.gif
written by ..., 01 October, 2009
I’ve only been with my bf for a year and 4 months now. and after the first few months he was lying about smoking pot, which i didn’t care at the time. I told him to stop because it brought him to lie. so instead he just lied to me for a year about quitting all together, and then I found out he’s smoking cigarettes behind my back too. i dont know if he’s going to keep lying or not. and it’s sad that i can’t decide if i want to break up with him or not. and i just don’t understand how someone can say they love you, but they’ll blow you off just to get high. and when we finally talked about why he lied to me, all he could say is that i don’t deserve him, and he wants me to be happy. Its sad that he doesn’t seem to want to put effort into making me happy. I dont know what to do, he has so many depression issues which i can see why he is having a hard time letting to of the pot, or if it is just a good cover up... i don’t know what to do. i don’t know if its worth my time.
written by Miranda B., 04 October, 2009
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now. Last New Years he told me he’d quit smoking cigarettes for me. He promised he wouldn’t touch another cigarette. About two months after that I found out from a friend that he had been smoking. I freaked out, because I couldn’t believe that he would lie to me. If he had told me, and had been honest it would have been another story.. We got in the biggest fight, and he promised he wouldn’t lie to me ever again, and that he was done smoking. I told him there was no way I could trust him, and somehow he made me actually believe he wouldn’t lie. About seven months later, (last night) I caught him smoking, then he admitted he had been smoking for the past month. He started blaming it on me and saying it was because "he never sees me anymore because I’m always working" We got in this huge fight, and he started crying and telling me he wants to marry me and have a family, blah blah blah. I just don’t know if I can be with someone who’s going to keep lying to me. I’m stuck.
written by ..., 05 October, 2009
so i wrote the october 1st post. i dumped my boyfriend today. I ended up telling him that i understand that pot is important to him (which i regret now) and that i can see why it was hard for him to let it go. i learned though that they just tell us this shit just so that they can feel better about lying to us! after that supposedly ground breaking conversation we had after i called him out, he hadn’t bothered to talk to me in any way, and the only few times i did talk to him he was intoxicated some how. if anyone is in my position take my advice: as sad as it sounds, this happens to a lot of people (seeing how many people post here, and if you talk to some people it is even more obvious) but every relationship is different. I trusted my guy and it failed big time. he ended up turning around his lack of commitment and tried to break up with me, and thank goodness i beat him to it because no one deserves being lied to. trust in a relationship is key, and any slip of this trust is a sign. if they can lie so easily, they don’t care. and even when they say that they lied not to hurt you, the fact is they were essentially satisfying their own selfish needs. i really hope this helps anyone. I feel so much happier now that i broke up with him, i’m free of his problems, addictions, and who knows what else.
written by Trish 1983, 14 November, 2009
About a month and a half ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 6 years. We lived together for 3. The reason I broke up with him because I found 3 pipes and weed. I busted him smoking when we moved it. I asked him not to smoke it again nor to keep it in the house. I know what the consequences are (losing your job, going to jail, lost if interest, depression, child birth defects, if a woman becomes pregnant by a weed smoker, etc). I would not allow it in our home. There is no compromise, period. This is very serious and i can care less what one men mentioned a/t it here. That’s it’s only weed and it’s not a big deal. It IS a big deal. As much as I loved my ex, as hard of a decision as it was, i decided to leave. He lied. He also was lying to me a/t drinking. I can’t trust him again/ever. It was not his first lie. Twice he asked me for a second chance but he had 6 years to chance while with me and then 10 more before me. His parents knew a/t it and tried getting him to stop. Will he ever change? Maybe. However, statistics show that people don’t change. He can probably quit for 6 months or a year, but i know some of his family members do it and I will never believe him that he doesn’t do it when he visits with them.
To people who are in similar situations – get out. It hurts, it’s tough, but you don’t want to live with a drug addict (yes, if you smoke once a month, you are a drug addict). Educate yourself. Research if it helps. But we deserve better.
Good luck.
written by Smoking boyfriend, 11 December, 2009
At least your pothead boyfriend wont beat you silly like a drunk one would. There’s hardly a thing to worry about when it comes to weed. Just demand he stop if/when you become pregnant and hopefully beyond for the sake of the children
written by Kiana, 12 December, 2009
After reading all these posts, I realize how big of a problem I have on my hands. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months. (Now fiancee). I knew when we first started dating, that in fact, he did smoke weed. He was one of those everyday users, that spent every cent they earned on it. I got him to cut back majorly, and he only did it once in a great while. (Of course he lied to me about doing it.) He would always tell me he didnt, and when I caught him, he’d apologize and say he’d never do it again. Then, the next time i caught him it was the exact same thing! Now, last night I found out he was again, and when I began crying he started laughing at me! He told me that he wanted ‘the best of both world.’ and that he would rather smoke weed than be with me. Since I was so emotional at the moment, I told him he could smoke weed once in a while. Of course, I didnt mean this. I got him a PS3 for Christmas, and he knew it... i told him that I dont feel any need to give him it because I got it for him because it would occupy his time so he wouldnt have to smoke weed. Of course, him being him, said that he’d rather have BOTH or weed. Wow, what do I do? I mean, I love him to death, would do anything for him... but Im sick of this drug!!
written by anony1, 27 December, 2009
Well, Notice how it is all MEN who are lying on here to their girlfriends...goes to show that women are more mature than men.
Anyhow, my ridiculous boyfriend came over to my house tonight with stinky fingers and mouth..well, I am not stupid. Yes, they think we are stupid I guess! I said many were smoking a cigarette..I can smell it..and he looked me in the eyes and said No Believe me! Believe me!
Now, this is NOTHING I have ever accused him of before..this is a 35 year old MAN mind you, not some 21 year old kid...and he forced me to believe him..which of course, is only DENYING REALITY...
LADIES..take my NOT allow men to DENY REALITY TO YOU..if they are, and if they SEEM selfish, or you catch them in SMALL lies before this incident, let it be a lesson to you..HE WILL LIE ABOUT ANYTHING.
Finally after sex, lying naked I said I do not know why you are lying to me...then he said he was smoking weed!!My first reaction was...don’t touch me...and that he should leave! I rolled away from him and told him to go...he dressed quickly as I proceeded to tell him I will NEVER be with a man who does drugs. I told him it was absolutely over..I did not tolerate drugs...and take care.
I have to tell you...I feel SO RELIEVED. There were all these small things I could not put my finger on, things that made me doubt inner voice kept telling me not to trust I stayed detached. And he kept saying..Don’t doubt me...don’t doubt me..YEAH RIGHT! This is after telling me SOOO MANY TIMES he did not smoke pot! Even just three days ago he said he did it One year one time on a religious suddenly today "its his culture"! WHATEVER!!! Good riddance.
Now, I am SO HAPPY. The man has declared his undying love to me telling me dozens of times he wants to marry me...but TRUST is the root of it all..and without that there is nothing.
I feel NO LOSS at all since I do not trust him and feel confident enough in myself to know a pot smoking man is NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
I hope all you ladies can find this inner strength that I have...He is NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IF HE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT DOING DRUGS. PERIOD.
written by Court, 04 January, 2010
I want to thank everyone who has posted to this forum. It has been so helpful to read everyone’s stories as I too have been in a relationship with a man who smokes weed. I have been lied to (who knows how many times) and promised he has quit. As much as I love him, I can’t deal with the hurt and betrayal of trust any longer. I have cut off communication this time for good.

I think we all need to notice the similarities in these individuals with selfishness being at the very top. Their wants and interests always come before yours (and mine). Always. Realize this is a personality trait, a characteristic of the person, that will forever be present in your relationship. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who will lie to you, deceive, to get what the want?

I pray that we will all have the courage to get through the rough times/loneliness/doubts so that we may prepare ourselves to a better life for ourselves.
written by Briana Pollard, 07 January, 2010
haha when i found out my boyfriend was lying to me and smoking behind my back i hit his car with a bat. We’re still together and much worse has happened.
written by fuck our lives, 09 January, 2010
Yeah I was going out with my boyfriend for two years. Lost our virginity to each other. Did everything together. He the epitome of the best guy friend, boyfriend, lover. He always took care of me, listened to me and stayed with me for all my mistakes. I’d get drunk and cause scenes, and though he accepted my imperfections, he always wished I didn’t have them. Since DAY ONE,however, I told him my STRONG hatred towards drugs. WEED in particular. There were times when I’d suspect shit, but I’m a paranoid girl so I let things slide. One day I asked him straight up if he had done it...he said "I’ve taken a DRAG". We broke up. We later got back together, and it is only now that I realize that the bitch never even promised me he’d stop. Well whatever, we got back together and just recently I tricked him into admitting he HAS done weed. FOR ALL THE GIRLS THAT ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME BULLSHIT I AM: 1- fuck our lives for living a lie for so long. 2- imagine the though of your boyfriend THINKING about you
written by Been there, 10 January, 2010
Kiana, I cannot believe that there is someone that reasoned the same way as me to try to get their bf to quit weed. I did the same thing. I made a deal to get a PS3 if he quit weed. He agreed and then he was back on the same boat, he smoked even more. I then got mad and moved out and now we are on a break. He misses me and I miss him, but I told him until he quits the weed and do something constructive with his life, I will never go back to him. So the break is for him to decide what he wants. Weed or me.
written by cagirl, 12 January, 2010
Thanks for all your posts. I’m going through a similar situation, and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there. To dump or not to dump... that is the question.
written by Want Him to Stop, 18 January, 2010
To the girl who said her and her bf have been together almost three years, same here. we have been together almost three months and the SAME EXACT story you have is the same with my bf.. Its very depressing because its like i used to do it, and we done it together but i am way out of that stage.. He claimed he quit for a while and he did. He passed a drug test believe it or not.. But girl, make him choose. I am my boyfriend today.. I found out he was doing it last night with his cousin and he acts so 2 faced when he is with him. I honestly dont want to break up with him, but i dont want that mess around my family. It causes way to many problems.. Like cheating and stuff. Because other girls will want to smoke with him and something is likely to go down. I say put your foot down girl. Show him you mean business and you are serious.. it will be hard and if he really loves you he will stop and come back to you.. I plan on doing that.. I want you to know that your not the only one going through this and there is people here that care.. I do. I know how it feels and it is not a good feeling what so ever. Guys just feel like they can do what they want and the girls cant. I’m tired of that. If my man loves me he will come back! and so will yours girl!! Good luck and i hope the best for you!!!!
written by dyslexicneomi, 21 January, 2010
I know exactly when my fiance is smoking...Just have to look for the obvious and sometimes not-so-obvious signs...

-squinty eyes
-overly tired/unmotivated
-craving a drink
-snacking alot
-eye drops sitting out
-contacts are taken out early in the night
-cancel plans or kinda avoiding you
-cheesin (smiling or laughing alot)

It’s easy to tell. My fiance will take a 2 hour nap...then go to bed at 8 and sleep almost 11 hours. Also, I walked into his room and there were two big glasses of milk, cheese its and oreos sitting out along with contact case and eye drops. He didn’t look high, but I could totally tell by all the stuff he had on the counter.

written by Tiffany W, 25 January, 2010
This EXACT same thing happened to me. My boyfriend and I have been together for well over three years. When we first started dating he had smoked weed a few times, but when I found out I got pissed and told him to stop. He promised that he would. On New years eve this year I found out that he has started smoking again this year and claims that he has to in order to help his depression. When I got mad he said that I was being selfish and telling him to stop the only thing that helps him. However, I dont think that I am being selfish at all. I was honest with him that I wouldnt be ok with it from the beginning and he was NOT honest with me when he said that he would stop. I thought that I was going to marry this person and now I just feel like I have wasted the past three years of my life. I am furious and dont even know how to begin to explain this to is awful
written by hollsballs, 04 February, 2010
so i moved in with my bf six months after we started dating and then realized that he is the biggest pot head, he used to always get high before i would come over and this is why we would talk so much...he promised that he would stop, but then i found out he was still doing it...then he said he would cut down but now he is digging into our rent money and bills money for pot...he thinks this is not a problem. instead of talking things out with me now, he gets high to calm down, he doesnt talk to me, unless he is stoned, and this is tearing up ours/my life. i cant leave him because i love him and we are getting married in eight months. did i mention he wont plan anything until we have seven full days of not fighting? maybe we wouldnt fight if he put the pipe down once in a while... smilies/sad.gif
written by Just been dumped, 06 February, 2010
Well, to all of you girls who have dumped their boyfriends for smoking weed – i present to you one of those such ‘children’ that have been dumped; me.

It seems my story reflects many i can read here. My motivation was certainly selfish, and i have been deceitful.

When i was enjoying a smoke, my behavior did not have a negative impact upon our relationship. Yes, i behaved differently, but i was not negative or abusive. Breaching trust, however, is a culpable offense.

In my situation, there were two immediate wrongs being committed:
1. I lied
2. I was controlled

Of course there are negative health effects, but these are my choice to bear or chance. People make decisions that negatively and positively affect our health every day.

I am sorry for my deceit, but what i am more sorry for is not choosing a partner with similar values. This seems the central problem you are all facing.

written by Giovanna, 12 February, 2010
My ex was heavily addicted to marijuana for many years and when I first began to date him it took me some time to realize how frequently he used drugs. What I thought was more of a social thing I soon realized was a daily lifestyle. He would smoke every day and every night. When we first started to date I thought it would be something that I could help him overcome and really had no idea what I was getting myself into. Early on in the relationship I knew that I could not picture myself longterm with someone who was stoned all the time, and voiced my concerns. It was at that point that he decided that since he knew it bothered me so much that he would make an effort to not get high when he was around me or before seeing me. This worked for us for a little while until he would cancel on our plans to get high or would schedule our plans around his addiction. We struggled through it for a few more months until he finally made the leap and decided to quit. I was so proud of him and tried to offer as much support to make sure he was successful. This addiction affected so many parts of his life, including work and friends. He became numb to so many issues around him and him realizing that and deciding to stop was the best thing he could have done for himself. I was never addicted to drugs so I read a lot about it to find out what I could do to help the process. I read articles & success stories about people who quit and shared them with him often. He finally got rid of his bongs and paraphernalia and cut off those who he purchased from. It was not a smooth road, there were many bumps but he began to experience a lot of side effects of someone who had quit smoking, including very vivid dreams. He also experienced the more positive side effects. He was more alert, he became more passionate about things, he felt more, cared more etc.

He would still do it every now and again but it was a huge improvement from where he was 6 months earlier. After a few weeks, I started to notice that his "now and again" became more and more frequent and realized I was losing him again. He had lied to me about getting high a few times and when I would catch him, we would break up and then he would beg to get back together and promised that he would never touch it again. That was a few months ago. I believed him. But there was still a part of me that wasn’t 100% trust worthy of him because of all the times he had hidden it from me in the past. On Monday, he left in a hurry. It made me question him, because he left the way he would leave months ago when he wanted to get high. My gut was telling me that something wasn’t right. I confronted him the next day and he swore up and down that he hadn’t touched weed in months. I asked him if he thought I was just being paranoid and he finally admitted to me that he had not been honest with me and he had smoked before we went to Montreal and the past weekend to name a few. This was the last straw for me. I could not help someone who was unwilling to be honest with me. And I fear now that with the loss of his job and our relationship that he will begin to fall into the downward spiral again. I am so hurt that I don’t have much strength left to keep fighting to help him. He doesn’t have many friends here who care about him enough to help him stop either. I love him very much but cannot keep putting myself in positions where I am disappointed and lied to.

When we broke up for good he finally realized that he had a problem and said that he was going to get help. He flushed all the weed and went to a meeting like AA but for drug addicts. He cried and said how sorry he was for hurting me. He said now it would be different because he was quitting for himself. He asked if he stayed clean for 3 months if I would take him back. I told him I didn’t think I could trust him again but I would be there as a friend to support him and help him through it. About 3 days later he began to smoke again. He said he was lying to himself and to me and he was not ready to quit. He said he would grow out of it over time and we just didn’t see it the same way.

It was very hard but I have decided to not have him in my life anymore. Not even as a friend. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled the way I was so many times! Addiction is like cancer to a relationship and trust me in the end you will feel like that part of your life was a waste. I was with him for one year, but I should have left the first month. It will not be easy and I am still feeling the pain of letting him go but I know I will find someone who will not be a drug addict and will be honest with me and I hope my hope inspires some of you who haven’t let go yet to take that step. YOU are worth it and don’t deserve it!
written by cparker, 23 February, 2010
Giovanna’s story is almost identical to mine. I knew that my ex smoked when I first met him, but I ignored it at first. I never thought it was something that was such a big part of his past and of his daily ritual. When he kept inviting me over and he was high, I would be very upset and he finally understood that I was not going to stick around if he did this all the time. So before new year’s hit, he kept talking about quitting. Eventually he did. He quit smoking weed and cigarettes for a little over a year. Coincidentally, it was the same time that we were in a relationship together. Before we got together, I told him he needed to be happy alone before he got into a relationship. Before he quit, I asked him repeatedly why because I wanted to make sure it was for himself and not for other people. I guess I just believed that I was the catalyst for this change that he wanted for a while, but the truth is he only changed to be with me. Unfortunately, that’s why he decided he really never changed and he wanted to go back to smoking "to try it out" and see if it was the "lifestyle he wanted again". I know that is all crap, and it was really upsetting that he chose that over being with me. I offered to be his friend, but in the end I just felt too hurt to think that he kind of wins and I lose. He would have a best friend to support him and he would get to smoke again, but I would be rejected and forced to be his friend? Definitely not for me. That is the recipe for resentment. So while he was moving backwards, I decided to move forward. This all happened maybe 4 days ago, and I spent the last few days crying over it. Reading these comments really did inspire me that I made the right decision though. And talking to my friend made me realize it is a strength of my character not to compromise my values and bend for someone else. The truth is, our values were never the same so the relationship’s foundation was already weak. I think that no matter how difficult this relationship ended, I am proud that I put myself first.
written by anon101, 15 March, 2010
wow equal parts lack of knowledge about drugs and addiction, hypocrisy and rabid androgyny. you’re doing yourselves proud girls, keep it up.
written by st augustine, 18 March, 2010
I can only see trouble for my 3 year relationship with an otherwise wonder man. He has smoked "pot" for years,I knew about this when we met,but was told "it was just a once in awhile thing", when actually its 5,6,7, times a week, before he gets home, before he goes to work, before we go out, before we shoot pool, before we have sex,,etc, etc It’s sad I can see his health and his motivation and balance of life changing because of the effects from "pot". ..HE DOES NOT..denies he is addicted. I love this man very much,and I have expressed my concerns and feelings, other than the pot smoking we have a wonderful relationship but I can no longer help him. I had hoped I could add enough love,value,and meaning to his life that he would want to stop or get help to stop. It has become a very real stresser in my health.It’s not just the health problems pot smoking has caused for the both of us, but one random drug test at work or being pulled over while driving "high" would destroy everything about our future and the plans we have made, also his career,his reputation with family and friends, his financial security, his retirement. Not to mention losing his drivers licenses and the thousands of dollars in legal/court expenses WHY.....I DONT GET IT....
written by lulu1230, 06 April, 2010
Yes about a month ago my fiance told me that he has smoked pot on about 10 occasions over the past couple of years. Only when he hangs out with this one friend that I always knew smoked pot. It hurt a lot more than I would have expected it to. But he says he wanted to tell me all of his secrets before we got married and that he had already smoked his last time and was never going to do it again. I don’t know if I believe it but I think he is telling the truth since he also mentioned he would not jeopardize a new government job he is starting because they do random drug screening. I hang out with people who smoke so don’t think I am judging. I don’t care when friends do it, but it just caught me off guard and really showed me he could be lying about soooo many things and I would never know the difference. It has surely affected our relationship but I am sure with time we can move past it. I told him if he smokes again to tell me and it will be an argument, but if he lies and I find out the relationship will be over for good. I also spoke with the friend since we have known each other for ages and told him that I don’t care what he does when he is alone but not to tempt my fiance if he thinks that marrying me is going to be a good thing and he said he wouldn’t.
written by shbella23, 07 April, 2010
Hey. It’s so crazy and sad to see so many people going through the same thing as me. My fiance and I have been together for four years. When we first met he had smoked weed a couple of times in his entire life. He didn’t agree with doing it and had no interest in it. But for the past six months he’s been smoking a couple times a week. I found out about three months ago when I showed up at his house unexpectedly. I was calm but sad and disappointed. I told him it had to stop and that my trust had been broken. He apologized and said that stopping wasn’t a big deal. Since then I’ve caught him smoking four times. Every time he lies and says he is going to stop but he doesn’t. Each time my reaction gets less sad and more angry. He is now buying it, smoking it and trying to lie about it. About a week ago, I was spending the night at his place and I woke up and I realized he wasn’t in bed. I walked outside and it reeked of weed. He was out there high with his friend, trying to act like he wasn’t. I mean seriously he’s going to smoke while I’m sleeping at his house?! I got my stuff, told him to grow up and left. The next day, I told him that I’m not marrying a pothead and that I can’t trust him. He said that I was being ridiculous and overly dramatic. He says he finds nothing wrong with smoking weed and says that he likes it. He says the government has me brainwashed and that I don’t care about his feelings. I feel like I’m dating a moody teenage weed advocate. This isn’t the man I fell in love with. It’s like this drug has changed him completely. I’m at the end of my rope. I told him that if he doesn’t stop, I’m calling the wedding off. He can also lose his job if he continues doing it since he’s gotten caught once before. I don’t understand why he is risking everything for this stuff. He thinks it’s not a problem but I can see the changes so clearly. I just don’t know him anymore smilies/cry.gif
written by the one who says ‘no’, 01 May, 2010
Regarding to the comment by the one who has been dumped: Do you still smoke? Do you think that asking (in your dictionary it will be a synonymous of controlling) for healthy grown up relationship is to much? How you can do something that hurts so much the one you supposedly love? It’s not only the health that we are concerned about, it’s the life that we want to spend together.
What does have more value for you, love or pot?????????
written by Oh boy, 03 May, 2010
Stories put me in a better mood... I don’t feel so ‘alone’/’unique’ now... My story is a little different, I’M the drug-user in the relationship, you name it I’ve probably tried it, probably liked it, and probably abused it for a prolonged period. Still, I’ve always been one of those rare ‘functional users’. I’m in upper-middle management (in science related field), have a good relationship with my parents and community, and am a tax-paying otherwise law abiding citizen.

My fiance has been with me for over 10 years. She stuck with me because I NEVER EVER lied about anything to her. She knew about my experiments with heroin, coke, ecstasy because as she says – I’ve always loved, respected and been honest with her. I never lied or committed crimes to support these very expensive habits, but probably worked far more than I should have in those tougher times.

I don’t cheat, I don’t gamble, I work hard, and she and my family are BY FAR, my top priority. Over the past 3-4 years my girlfriend/fiance has been lying to me about smoking cigarettes.

She swears on my life and to G*d that she does not, but ever 3-4 months I’ll find a pack or some other undeniable evidence... It has DEVASTATED our relationship in that I absolutely do not trust her any more...

Things were good for the past year or so and we got engaged, a little bit later we got pregnant...

Last night I found another pack hidden and I’m completely CRUSHED. She swears she hasn’t smoked since the baby was conceived, and I think that might be true but the thing that irks me is that I DO NOT KNOW!

I’m marrying this girl in just over a month... I love her dearly. She is my soul mate but I don’t trust her...

I know she has self-esteem issues and is always worried about myself and others thinking ‘less of her’ – I know that this contributes to the lies... But even still, that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts me.

It also is no longer an excuse considering I’ve caught her countless times and have tried everything from quiet consoling to out and out rage (so she knows I stayed with her despite it..)

Confused, devastated!
written by selady, 24 May, 2010
My bf and I have been dating a little over a year. We just moved in together. I have known all along he smokes pot, and I will admit I have done it with him. He got this new job and he works with nothing but pot heads... they smoke all day everyday... even at work... told him that I had dealt with my family smoking and ending up doing worse... he has been addicted to harder stuff to... well he continued to do it... I finally had enough and told him if he cared so little about me that it was over... he said he would stop... now I told him I didn’t mind smoking every once in a while when we went out, when we were together... but I keep finding out he is still doing it... I confront him with it and he lies flat out lies... gets made and says why don’t you trust me.... I just don’t know what to do....he came home today high and has just lied about it... I just want it to be over but I don’t know how to break up with him...I am no, longer happy... I just want it to end.
written by marko09, 06 June, 2010
Last night my gf of a year got drunk and let it slip that she done methadone on her birthday. She knows I hate drugs more than anything and she promised me she’d never take them. Whenever I asked her about her birthday bash the morning after, she swore to me she never touched any drugs. I’m so hurt that shes kept this from me, and done it behind my back. I found out this morning from a good friend that shes done it many more times without me knowing. The trust is completely gone. I don’t know what to do, do I break up with her right now or do I try talk to her? I don’t want to be walked over and made a fool out off, but I don’t want to let her go..... after all, when’s the right time to trust a liar again?
written by ladyluck99, 09 June, 2010
It’s sad to see so many people going through this problem, but at the same time very reassuring. One thing I didn’t see on here that seems to make my situation a little more unique is the fact that we have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy together.
When we first met we both loved to smoke, and to this day I think it’s probably why we first fell in love. Being high is pretty great, and it makes a lot of other things really great.
But then I got pregnant, and now I want more than a pot smoking, lying boyfriend. I want a man who wants to be a good role model to his son.
Another problem I see isn’t someone who could smoke once in awhile.. once a week or so... It’s someone who can’t seem to control his self indulgence and given the opportunity, would smoke all the time.. His friends are pot heads, his family condones it, so where do I go from here?

Do I stay with him knowing that I do love him and that if he were to see what he has is better than a drug, things would get much better? Or do I dump his sorry ass knowing that he will never change, and that my son, and myself, deserve much much much better?
written by Beachgirrrllie, 18 June, 2010
I feel like this is me. my boyfriend has been smoking for years until we met. he promised me he quit smoking pot because he knows how much it bothers me. but i have heard from his friends and hid friends girlfriends that he never stopped. i love him, and do not want to lose him, i just want to know if he is lieing about it.
written by ...., 30 June, 2010
Ive been dating my boyfriend for about 15 months now, we are a very clingy couple. (Probably because we are seniors in high school.) And just last week he accidentally called me at 3am.. And I could hear his step-brother talking about "The more you cough the higher you’ll get" and I could hear my boyfriend coughing over and over again through the phone, This was after we said goodnight on the phone because he was "too tired" and couldn’t "stay awake".
Anyways, to get to the point, hes been lying to me for the past ten months about smoking pot. I’m worried about him because on top of putting smoke into his lungs he has asthma.. I probably would have been a little less hurt if he had told me himself, rather than finding out the way that I did. I’m still with him but most of the trust is gone. I just don’t understand why he lied to me for such a long time, Ive never lied to him like that. I still love him, hes told me he will stop. I’m just crossing my fingers he will keep his word this time. smilies/sad.gif
written by Fall12, 15 July, 2010
I also feel the need to share my story... We have been together for a year, 6 months living together. He had serious problems with alcohol but finally went to rehab and quit. Meanwhile he had another problem with gambling, regularly lost money at play when drunk. When he quit he still played poker weekly + online poker and other online games which require money. Then he started smoking pot. He told me that people are idiots thinking pot is bad and destructive, and I shouldn’t worry. But seeing your man sitting all evenings by computer and getting stoned it not what you want from relationships. But each time I tried to talk about it he would just say nothing and ignore me. He was not interested in sex anymore, maybe once a week or so and it was really... lazy and boring. I realized that he seemed to substitute one addiction to another and it really made me upset. We broke up for a different reason, actually he broke up with me because I guess I didn’t let him live the way he wanted. And he wanted playing, smoking and spending his time by computer. I am really hurt but I realize that the future with this person seems very doubtful. I just needed to share this cause I am really hurt. Maybe someone had same problems being with a person who had multiple addictions?
written by Deadly Daz, 15 July, 2010
I smoke weed and love it, it’s simple.... My wife hates it (now) and I am farked.... We don’t talk to each other anymore, we have been married for 18 years and this is still such an issue. I want to leave her but we are in such a financing bind and we have a child (which I do all of the care for and love more than anything) and feel guilt for the one thing that makes me feel ok, (apart from my gorgeous daughter, and previously my wife...) but now drown myself in a more accepted addiction of alcohol.... I don’t know what to do, I struggle to keep everything together, my wife is constantly suspicious and does not trust me. I hate that she changed so much, I don’t call it "growing Up", I call it "Growing Old", you CAN have fun with drugs at any age.... Sure I abuse the shit a little, now and then, but, like with the piss, I managed to cut that down until everything escalated.... I have lost all my friends, I no longer trust anyone because I feel no-one can accept me for myself... I have tried to explain this to other people and they just label you as a "Dope Smoker" and the write you off, just like being a Vegetarian.... just try asking what the vegetarian option is at a class reunion...LOL... Veges get as rougher deal as dope smokers, people don’t understand either and feel confronted by their own inhibitions and don’t know how to react... Who’s the grown up one now then.... next thing you will tell me you’re gay... WTF!!!! confusion will reign...
written by wma, 25 July, 2010
To help a person you love and care for?
Or to leave for fear of lost time... Lost life...

He is a great person, loving, caring,
He is a great liar, charismatic, magnetic

Slowly the farce has been revealed,
One pull of the curtain at a time.

Opium has been the cloud, thickening the air.
Raining on... Flooding... Our parade.

Guilt has been the heat, clearing the land.
Evaporate... Dry... Crack...

Attempt to shift the blame, me?
Your problem! MY problem?

Im still with him.
He’s perfect apart from the dishonesty,
Does it mean he’s perfect at being dishonest?
Therefore not perfect at anything?

His other favorite people are dishonest too.
Great role models his family are!
Does this mean I have to be controlling to keep him?
Therefore he’ll leave and blame me?

written by needstrength, 27 August, 2010
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. He’s mostly been honest with me about smoking weed. He is not working and my savings are finished so now my 1 salary isn’t enough for both rents and bills and stuff. I know he has had a hard life. He is very sweet most of the times, when he isn’t angry. I want to be supportive and I love him very much, but I am concerned that I may be doing him more harm.
written by nick0_0, 27 August, 2010
you all sound like control freaks, i HAVE to lie to my gf about pot why? because she sees it as drugs you’ll end up broke, Man there so much drugs all over this country, WTF will a plant do to ya, relax have a good time 1 love, women have issues cause they fuckin think too much, we guys are always wrg so search through my shit, fak some times i think i’ll fuckin go gay,,, Joke One love,
written by RAWRR, 07 September, 2010
I share my story.
Im 22 gay been with my partner for almost 2 years. When we first started dating I knew in the past he used to do drugs like years ago. Okay well I moved in with him after a month of dating my living situation was shit so he helped me out. Everything was awesome till he bought our house and its a 4 bedroom and his mom and sister live with us because his mom has been living off him since he was 17 and go his apartment.
Well he acts like a kid mostly all the time the last two months the got our 8000 income for buy a house he needed a car and all this shit noooo
he buys animals out of no where he buys animals everyday for months till he has no money.
No we have 10 snakes, 10 spiders 2 ferrets, millions of rats mice hamsters 2 iguanas 4 dogs
so that took a lot to used to
well my past I have drugie parents and a fucked up family
Soooo Im kinda emotionally hurt still
And I do have insecurities badly and I feel that im ugly
I find out he has been lying to me for almost two years about smoking weed and god knows what..
I freaked because im emotional and that shit hurt me soo bad cant even tell u
the first time i caught him he said he would stop
But, Nope he still does
now that i have made it a big deal he thinks me wanting him to stop smoking is controlling and him hiding it makes him feel like shit
and if i dont like it leave...
for awhile i stopped caring bout that
but me curious as i am I looked into his phone a few times now I know its wrong..
he does it and he will continue doing it I have no say
I dont know if im crazy for not wanting him to smoke or not
soo now hes high and I have to just sit here as it hurts me soo bad I cry when Im alone,

What should I do?
written by Live Free or Die,Some Things are Worst than Death, 18 October, 2010
Are you all crazy talking about pot like it was alcohol or Heroin. My God what planet are You people from, or when where You born in the 1940’s? 13 state have decriminalized it. So its the same as J-walking. And let the person who has never j-walked throw the first stone. How I ended Up reading this crap, was looking up prop 13 in cali about full legalization. I don’t smoke anymore Im 44 now and have CDL and work for a municipality. But I smart enough to see that your boyfriends smoking pot is the least of your hang-ups.
written by Kiva, 28 October, 2010
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. We started dating when we were in 10th grade. He got himself in trouble quite a few times with weed. The last time he got in trouble I tried breaking up with him but he convinced me he will change for sure! I truly believed him. Well he was on probation for quite some time and recently was cleared of probation in June/July. Well he has a new job now and has been hanging out with a "loser". They hang out all the time and I catch him in little lies here and there.He does not even like to admit when he is with the guy. This is the worst feeling in the world and I just do not know how to get away! My instincts are telling me hes lying because I find little clues but I have not found the real proof yet. I am so confused and I know I deserve better, yet I am still with him after 6 years! I hate to sound like a control freak or crazy, it’s just horrible to be lied to.. After 6 years and getting in trouble so many times, you think he would learn his lesson and grow up. I guess I need to realize he is never going to change!
written by anon24, 12 November, 2010
I, too, am in a situation many others are in. They were deceived from the beginning of the relationship and didn’t find out the truth about the pot smoking until much later and the relationship had been going on for some time.

I would like to clarify something to some of the smokers I’ve seen commenting on this thread. It’s not so much the smoking that we are all so upset and hurt about. It’s the LYING that happened and is still happening that upsets us so much. Not only do we feel like we fell for someone who doesn’t exist, but also that we can’t trust our significant other. If they are lying to us about smoking, what else are they lying to us about? Perhaps if they had been honest with us from the beginning (like one earlier commenter did with his now fiancee who lied about smoking cigarettes) things would be different. Or, we would have been able to end the relationship before we became so emotionally involved.

It’s not ok to like to your partner. It doesn’t matter what you’re lying about. Omitting something your partner would like to know is a lie by omission.
written by Sickening, 18 November, 2010
Madness, madness is all that I read. All of you are so scared of a fucking plant. I have smoked cannabis for over 6 years. My mother smoked it when she was pregnant with me. I was raised around it and when I was younger I picked up the habit. And yet I look in my past and realize I had a fantastic youth. 2 loving parents, a father who had never smoked pot and a mother who if it weren’t for this "abomination", this "dangerous drug"..Would not have been able to be the practical, logical, person she is today. I suppose I am blessed to have a lover that has never once smoked but yet..Unlike all of you, has acceptance for who and what I am. It has expanded my intelligence and understanding of the world around me, As well has brought me new definitions of beauty and perception. Lastly it has made me a more passionate lover to my mate.. You who cannot look past an individuals imperfections cannot understand.. You are shallow, and afraid that something generally socially unacceptable will ruin your little lifestyle. Until you realize this, you will never find true happiness. I would never change a thing about the person I truly care for, not when I see them as perfect already. My name is Ryan, and I was high when I wrote this entire message. I do hope that you enjoyed your read at what you first thought of as another "I can’t love him because he smokes pot" story.
written by onhisback, 23 November, 2010
He promised he’d stop and he didn’t. I found out from his best friend. I confronted him and he denied it. Finally he admitted to doing it about 7 times. I broke up with him. He got my name tattooed on his back to prove he was serious about me and about not fucking up again. I believe that he won’t on one hand, but on the other I can’t get over the lies that he told me straight to my face with a clear conscience. I don’t know what to do..
written by non druggy, 06 December, 2010
Sigh. I have been lied to and deceived for 6 years. I found out last Sunday that he is pot head. One of my children started with pot and ended up with Meth. I have been through hell over that for 15 years.
It was a deal breaker when we met. I said I don’t want "any" illegal substances in my life. He said awesome neither do I. Then 6 years later I find out he is a weekend pot head with his own personal drug pusher on his speed dial.
So sad...I ended it. All drug addict (yes I am lumping pot heads in with drug addict) have no conception of how to tell the "truth". I have met many addicts. I can’t say I would believe anything they say.
Shame huh...
written by stop hating, 11 December, 2010
I have a gf that always use to trip on me about my smoking. I smoke medically and I’m legal to do so, so I will not change that for anyone and I was smoking long before I met her. I also grow my own pot, my gf use to always throw fits and forces me to make promises I can’t keep. It came to a point were I called off the relationship and this problem is causing me to leave, than suddenly she stops and fully accepts me. Now that’s Love right their, if you need to force someone to quit than you should leave that person because that’s not love.
written by ......, 20 December, 2010
This all just happened to me two days ago. I’m so hurt. We have been together now for almost two years, we moved in together, everything. I’m so in love with him, and I’ve wanted him to be the one. He smoked when I first met him, and then I wasn’t serious with him, so it was just kinda whatever. But later on, I was getting upset because him and all of his lazy ass friends would just sit around, ALL FUCKING DAY, and smoke. It didn’t help that he had a full ride scholarship to play football, and in no way did I want him to lose that scholarship. I asked him to please quit, because I have breathing problems, and I just can’t tolerate smoke. And I especially can’t tolerate the lazy ass people that smoke pot alllllllllll daaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy loooooooooooonnnnnngg. I want marriage, and a family, and a good career (nothing to much to ask for). And we butted heads a bit, but then he agreed to stop. He promised me. And I compromised with him just chewing (I can’t smell it, and it doesn’t fill the air). Granted that bugs me to an extent, but as long as he stopped smoking and being a child about things, then he could chew. I EVEN COMPROMISED WITH HIM. Give and take people! It’s called a relationship! If you didn’t want to give and take, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all! Not until you have matured enough to know what it takes! Anyways. His friend ended up not having a place to live, so I’ve let him bum on my couch for awhile, just until he can get a job and an apartment. And his friend has been having talks with me about how much I do for my boyfriend and how little he does for me. We have had these talks because I come home beating myself up, trying to figure out why it feels as though I’m doing everything possible for him, and he can hardly stand doing the dishes. I even asked him to come into my store (I work at a shoe store), so he could pick out a pair of shoes for Christmas; he said he would show up shortly... he never showed up. I wasn’t angry about it, but it just shows how little he does. Anyways. His friend saw my frustration and said that he felt he needed to tell me how annoyed he had been getting with my boyfriend because my boyfriend kept coming home and digging through his stuff to find cigarettes. As far as I knew my boyfriend was and had been done smoking cigs and weed for a LONG time. What pissed me off the most, was that a few days before that my boyfriend had kissed me, I kinda laughed and gave him a weird look because his mouth was awfully smoky. He looked at me and asked why I would say that because he hasn’t smoked since I asked him not to. So I just went about my day. smilies/sad.gif When his friend told me this, I had initially thought that it was maybe going on for a week or two tops. I went driving around to just clear my head. I was devastated that he could lie to me so easily. He could tell me he loves me, kiss me, lay next to me every night with no guilt at all. I was so hurt by him, and still am.

He called me, asking me if I was coming home. And that’s when we really started getting into it. I asked him what the hell I did to deserve to be lied to. I do everything for him! he hardly has to think! I asked him how he could watch me come home upset with myself, trying to figure out why something just wasn’t right in our relationship. Why he could watch me cry, apologizing to him for being so upset and so frustrated with myself, because I was blaming myself! he just watched me. I asked him just how long this lying had been going on.. he said since the summer... that’s 7 months. 7 months of dishonesty. 7 months of lying to my face everyday. I just can’t understand how you could do that to someone you "love". and have "loved" for almost two years.

I didn’t sleep that night at all.. and got up the next day and headed to my dads. (where I’m at now). I don’t know what to do.. my heart feels like it just got stomped all over.

He keeps apologizing for lying, so I don’t want to throw away two years, but it really makes me question his loyalty, and honesty.

I compromised with him, and he took advantage of it. (so who knows if compromising can really work in relationships anymore) I cant believe how shitty people can be.

I wanted love; but I got lies

I have a lot of thinking ahead of me...smilies/sad.gif
written by heart broken, 26 December, 2010
I’m so shocked at all these posts.. I feel like I am not alone now.
I can’t trust my boyfriend at all now because of the amounts of times I’ve caught him lying.
He’s promised me he would stop smoking weed... it’s been a year and a half now and I’ve caught him out a number of times and I tell him I’m walking away and he can do what he wants. I just don’t agree with it, he always cries to me telling me he wont do it again. He also gets into trouble in the streets with "hoodrats" that he calls "friends". When we first started to get serious I told him what I don’t accept, I don’t want to be with someone that just gets into trouble all the time and smokes weed, wasting their life. He comes from a really good family and he’s a very clever guy I just don’t understand. E promises that it’s his past and he’s not interested in that rubbish. I’ve caught him hanging around with these people, I’ve caught him smoking cigz behind my back. I just don’t trust him, he’s become so good at lying, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s so much more hiding away... I just don’t know what to do. I keep forgiving him and it’s so painful and frustrating. THE WORST thing is... I’ve become so controlling now because I don’t trust him.. and now I’m the bad person... because I don’t trust smilies/sad.gif ???
I’M just confused... I love him and I’ve always stood by him through bad times and good times, always thinking he will realize I’m worth it and I deserve honesty...
written by betrayedbylove, 16 March, 2011
Idk what to do anymore i have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. in the beginning of the relationship i knew that he smoked and i told him straight from the beginning that i didnt like pot smokers that ive had bad experiences with previous bfs. When i told him this he was willing to quit he quit for about 2-3 months and then started to lie to me and do it behind my back like im not going to find out. Guys just dont get that they can lie all they want and think they are going to get away with it but we always find out. My boyfriend is 21 and im 19 and im the one supporting him i worked 2 jobs and go to school full time paying all my bills including my college tuition all on my own. And he just sits home and does nothing he doesnt work at all he always ask to borrow money and i wouldnt doubt it if he has used my money to pay for a drug. Smoking is so high school. He does go to college and he told me that he was going to quit but not yet that he was still in college. When is he going to grow up seriously im 19 and i will be graduating almost 2 years before him. i try to help to steer him in the right direction and he knows the path he is taking is wrong and he fails to see that a drug such as weed is a huge aspect of why hes not going anywhere. He sleeps all the time and is very lazy. I ask for nothing from him except for this and he cant even do this for me after everything i do for him. I dont want gift, money or to be taken out on crazy dates i just want the smoking to stop. his friends always influence him and he always cares what people have to say but what about me. just about a year into our relationship he bought me a promise ring (pre- engagement ring) he basically said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but how am i suppose to be with someone who lies and does things that i dont like. I love him a lot and he is my whole world im so scared of living my life without him but im also scared that he will never grow up. I know what i want and i know what i have to do to get to this point. I dont think that he realizes that what he is doing now is affecting our future together and the path that of our relationship. Sure he is happy he gets to do what he wants and i cant say anything but what about me why doesnt he care about my feeling? Im ready to start my life and i dont deserve this. im to my breaking point i dont know what else to do and when i try to talk to him he just says that we have talked about this already. we have broken up a few times because of the situation but why am i the one making all the sacrifices. Can someone please help i dont want to give up on him but i know i cant wait forever for him to grow up. =(
written by Codependent, 18 March, 2011
I felt just like so many on this yourselves a favor and pick up the book, "CODEPENDENT NO MORE" will change your life. This is not your problem, but your partners... Read this and learn how to save/change yourself....he/she will not change unless THEY want to.... You cannot do it for them, cannot create their rock bottom, or raise it up to meet them. Addicts are cunning and manipulative... Be aware and take care of yourself.
written by . . . ., 24 March, 2011
My boyfriend and I have dated for 3 years and he did smoke in the beginning but I made him quit. I sometimes still believe that he does but I am not sure...smilies/cry.gif
written by Anonymous000, 09 April, 2011
Anyway, I’m dealing with the same bullshit, lying boyfriend I claim I love but lies to me and smokes behind my back when he said he quit. I can’t trust him and I’m not putting any more effort into a bullshit relationship. I don’t like it, therefore I’m not sticking around. He can do all the begging he wants. Go smoke your joint, I’ll find a real man with values similar to mine. I am done wasting my time and breath on this person.
written by ..., 21 April, 2011
This happening to me. I feel so hurt and worthless. I thought I was more important than drugs, apparently not. He doesn’t even care.
written by Sad, Hurt, Frustrated, 29 April, 2011
I’ve been good friends with my boyfriend of 4 months for almost 3 years. I always was dating someone else and while we liked one another, no boundaries were pushed. He and myself are both pot-smokers, him much more so than me. And in my mind that is OK, it could be far worse. As friends, I expressed how much I absolutely despise when people "do pills" and how disgusted I have been in the past to see people snort pills up, it’s not mature and people always do stupid things when they are fucked up like that- I have never witnessed anything better come from it. Before entering into a relationship together he knew how I felt, he had just moved back to Florida after having to move away because he was addicted to ‘blues’ or ‘roxies.’ I thought he understood that I didn’t want to be around that lifestyle after making it clear, and he expressed many times that he didn’t either.

He is 22, I am 24. He hasn’t had a car for almost 8 months of living here, nor a real or steady job, I drive him everywhere with no gas money or anything in return. I drive to his house to see him every single day. I’m a full-time college student and he is draining the money I so carefully budgeted for this time in my life. Then, he talks about marriage and kids but can’t get his act together enough to pay his rent of $300, or his phone bill (not to mention he doesn’t pay for any car expenses) but he always can afford weed and now i find out that two days ago he lied to my face about snorting pills.

I went to his house to see him, and he was acting peculiar and his pupils were TINY and unchanging. I asked him multiple times if he had done pills, I’m in school that has to do with eyes and visual impairments, so I’ve learned alot about drug and eyeball reactions. He assured me that he wasn’t on anything and after asking so many times, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and even felt bad for asking so much I let it go. Last night, I brought him to my house and his pupils were normal. I brought up two days ago and how I was sure he was on something, he bullshitted me about it, then started acting so weird before I got absolutely LIVID that he lied about something so important to me. He justified that it "was only a little vicodin" and that if he admitted it the other day that I would have gone home because I was upset.

To me that is completely selfish. He has lied before and been caught about things that were very important to me (specifically lying to me about talking with -and maybe, likely, more- he had with the girl he dated when he was addicted to pills – they did it together, and as a result I am uncomfortable about her, and only her). I took him home last night and I was crying and a mess, not just because it was about ‘doing pills’, but because he felt then and in the past that things important to me are worth lying about. I can think of other occasions he seemed peculiar and I gave him the benefit and trusted him because I thought we had an open and honest relationship. Apparently I was wrong.

He made tons of excuses, that I know are ridiculous and yet I still want to talk to him again, but I am so hurt that I do so much for him and after everything it comes down to lying. What else has he lied about that I was too in love to realize? When will it happen again? Why would he pretend to be on the same page with me just to date me, knowing how bad it would hurt when the truth came out?

I want to date someone mature enough to know that lying is wrong, big or small. I want to be someone who won’t pretend they are someone else just to date me. That’s not fair to either one of us. I want to date an adult who can handle there own.
I’m so hurt but I need to know that I’m doing the right thing by breaking up with him for lying.
written by Bonita, 10 May, 2011
Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 5 months. Just last month I found out about a great, big web of lies. He pretended to get kicked out of his house by his parents, he made up a dead best friend who supposedly got shot, he said he was raped, he pretended to go to school, and those were all lies. He has a very low self-esteem ,I can tell, he just doesn’t want to admit it. He also lies to me about smoking pot. Because of the Drug War going on I’m against using it and I don’t want my partner to be a user either. I told him already that he would be better off being with a girl who was a smoker too but he said he only wants to be with me. I’m a great girlfriend and I was never pushy or controlling. It’s only now that I tell him to tell me where he is and to send me pictures for proof. I don’t understand why it is so hard to be honest. I got pregnant with his baby and he still lied to me and smoked behind my back. It just hurts so much but it also makes me so angry that he would choose an illegal drug over his loyal, compassionate, generous and loving girlfriend. I love him very much but I am not going to sit around and be lied to AGAIN. There is zero trust in this relationship and although he bought drug tests so that I can test him whenever I want I would be much better off being with a real man whom I wouldn’t have to worry about or ask him about his whereabouts. I know they’re out there somewhere and I just need to let go of this situation and worry about important things like school, and getting a career. It’ll be his loss because I doubt he will find another girl who will put up with his bullshit for as long as I did and I hope he regrets it while he smokes his life away. I’ll be happy no matter what. Stay strong girls! You deserve better.
written by moineaux, 28 May, 2011
First and foremost, I am generally a very open-minded person towards weed and some other drugs. I have had quite a few friends who smoked and I never had an issue with it. When I was first getting to know my current boyfriend of four months, I let him know that I was cool with it, as I was quite suspicious that he was a frequent smoker. He convinced me that he’d never touched it. Fast forward a month, we were in the beginning stages of dating. He revealed that he actually was a stoner, just like I’d thought. I was extremely hurt about being lied to and suddenly had a huge issue with him smoking -- but only him. He offered to quit but I told him that I didn’t want him to resent me for it, and he agreed to simply not talk to me while high. I tried to get myself to accept it and was making considerable progress, but last weekend I found out that he’s been lying about it again. We got into a disagreement over it (in public, no less) but things changed. He’s not lying about it any more and I’m trying to finally accept the occasional toke as his version of a glass of wine after work. It’s been difficult, but it’s obvious that we care about each other. So that’s my minor input.
written by please help., 05 June, 2011
Ok. I am in a bad situation and need advice. For years I have suspected my bf of 8 years of smoking pot. For these reasons; his friends do, when he was in college one night he was clearly under the influence and OH found a bag in his bathroom that he said he was holding for his friend lol ok... right. I also found a cigar in his truck. He will not admit it to this day that the bag of weed was his. HELP. I can’t be with someone who does this, and especially someone who lies so well. I’m not naive but I just need some suggestions. Thanks.
written by =(, 26 June, 2011
hi, I’ve been with my bf for almost 10 years and I recently found out he’s lied to me about smoking weed with his sister for a few months. we’ve tried to work past this, but the first time I found out he told me he’d stop, and he didn’t. in fact, he’d been doing it every day since he’d started, even before work, AT work (!), all the time. he said he didn’t need to do it when he was going to be hanging out with me, but how can I believe him? I’ve hated weed since before we started going out and he’s always known it, so that’s 10 years of my strong feelings he’s thrown away. he’s told me again that he’s stopped. I wish I could trust him. I can’t. he knew how I felt, and after a decade with me he decided his whims were more important. I told him today that I don’t like his sister (after all, she cared more about getting high than what lying to me would to do her brother’s and my relationship), and he defended her. I don’t hate her, but he can’t ask me to consider her a friend (even aside from this, we’ve never been friends). the major problem with this is that we’re moving in together soon because I’m going to college out of town, so it’s not like I can take a break. we have plans, we had plans before he fucked up my feelings and made me a nervous wreck. and I really don’t want to break up with him, but looking at this objectively, he lied about something extremely important to me, am I being stupid for just trying to pretend it never happened? he’s sensitive so we aren’t really able to talk about how upset this has made me for very long before a bigger argument comes along and I’m worried he’ll end it with me. every time I get mad, I’m worried he’ll end it, so I don’t say anything. but they day is coming when he’s going to get his ass blown off the map by my nuclear rage, especially if he keeps implying that weed is awesome and the only thing that makes him happy is being high.
I’m just lonely. I’ll never find anyone like him, but he’s not the person I thought he was, so I guess I don’t have "him" anyway. this is insanely long, I don’t expect anyone read this, but it helped to read so many others have gone through this. I thought I was alone. I mean, I still am...but it helps.
written by Kareshi, 30 June, 2011
I am the boyfriend that lied and hurt you.

But I also realized I hurt you and is willing to correct the problem. I realize that I did choose my selfishness over you. I am not okay with myself right now and I need to correct this problem that I thought was not a problem. I have been smoking pot on /off since I was in high school. I always thought it’s not a big deal since I’m not hurting anyone. Apparently I was wrong. I hurt and pushed back someone that’s most important in my life, my soul mate, my true love. She is an angel, no doubt. I can’t say anything bad about her, but obviously she has few things to say about me. I am not okay with that.

I am in my 30’s now. I am not a kid anymore. I wished I realized sooner, but it took us taking a break from our wonderful relationship for me to realize. I can and will change. Not just for her, but for me as well. Just being with her, I HAVE everything I need. I don’t need anything else. Few drinks while having dinner, Barry White playing in the background...............that’s all I need.

Instead of writing on these websites, I suggest all of you to confront your partners. If they love you, the truth will naturally come out. If they love you they will change. Obviously not everyone is the same, and they have to be willing to change. I am however willing to change. I realize what I need to do to get her back. Actions speak louder than words. You just wait.


I will make you want to be with me again.

written by Anna t, 30 June, 2011
My last comment on the site is dated May 2010. This was the time when my boyfriend cried and promise he will never smoke again. I trusted him, stupid me. Few days ago he sit me down after night out with his mates, and told me that he does not want to lie to me anymore. He told me that he wants to have a freedom of going to his mates and smoke from time to time. It would be ok, if he was only casual smoker, but when I met him he was a pot head, had to sell everything to pay his debts, and we managed to get through this, when his mates gave him another bong. Now he tells me he wants a freedom to smoke. After all we have been through I cant do it. Its devastating. I love him with all my heart, but I cant go through it again. I choose a piece of mind. I moved out after 2 years being together. Back in May when I was reading all the comments I thought he is different. But I was wrong. The question that I ask myself ‘is it addiction? Or he simply does not love me that much’
written by Anna t, 30 June, 2011
To Kareshi,

She is one lucky girl. All the best for both of you.

written by kaitlinllaves, 15 July, 2011
I know that everyone on here pretty much wrote their own stories down because writing it down and sharing it can lead to catharsis, which is why I’m writing my story right now, but I want to thank everyone. Sometimes talking with my boyfriend makes me feel like I’m being completely unreasonable about this issue. Seeing that lots of people have been hurt as badly as I have been – and worse – just serves to help me accept that my pain is a legitimate anguish and that I should be trying to remedy it, not just analyze it in an attempt to determine whether or not I deserve to feel it. I would never try to invalidate any of your pain; I should not let anyone make me feel like the way I feel is not how I ought to feel.
To the people who say that those of us who have been lied to ought to just get over it and abandon our irrational, knee-jerk reaction to marijuana, I have this to say: the pain I feel is not a direct consequence of my boyfriend having smoked. It is a direct consequence of my boyfriend – one of the people I trusted most in the world – having lied to me, repeatedly, after I told him I would accept him no matter what. Last time he smoked, he told me the day after. We talked. I did not get mad, although I do not like the fact that he smokes pot. I listened to him. For the record, I never told him he couldn’t smoke, either. I was glad he told me and I hoped that he knew he could do so again, since my reaction was nothing but favorable. He’s lying to me again, and this one hurts the worst because I believed we were past this. I believed he was ready to man up and be honest with me, but I guess he wasn’t. I don’t expect him to be perfect, but I expect him to be able to confront his mistakes rather than hide from the consequences. I feel trapped in my relationship because, as I’ve explained to him before, so long as he is hiding his smoking from me he is making my decisions for me. I ought to decide how to react to the fact that he smokes, whether I choose to talk about it, fully accept it, try to accept it or leave him. By not telling me, he forces me to spend time and energy on a relationship that I may or may not want to be in. I look happy with him, but it is only because he deludes me into believing I am by forcing me to believe that our relationship is open and honest when it is not.
written by kaitlinllaves, 15 July, 2011
Before we started dating, my boyfriend was my best friend. We talked about everything. I had the biggest crush on him, and he had a huge crush on me, too. Both of us hated drugs; he said he was an athlete and didn’t believe in putting "shit" in his system. I respected that about him.
He kissed me for the first time in October. I felt so in love and I could not imagine anything ever going wrong between us. We both wanted a family, a home, a life with another person. It might have been premature, but I imagined that the two of us could have had that. I wanted to, anyway. Being with him made me so happy; I could hardly stop smiling when he was around.
In January, I started to hear weird rumors from friends about him smoking. Shortly before we started going out, I had heard weird rumors from these same friends about him (completely unrelated to smoking) and asked him about them. He heard rumors from the same people about me, too, and all of them were false. We had made an agreement to "just trust each other." I thought it was safe to trust him. After all, he wasn’t just my boyfriend – he was my best friend! I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. So when he told me that everything that I was hearing was untrue, I believed him and pushed it aside.
Soon after, though, a friend told me my boyfriend had been smoking and related what my boyfriend had told him in realistic detail. I confronted my boyfriend about it, and he originally tried to evade it. He told me he had only done it once, hadn’t liked it, would never do it again and didn’t think I would be so upset. I forgave him, since he hadn’t known how badly it would affect me. I didn’t think it would happen again.
In February, though, I borrowed his phone and found out he was smoking when his brother texted him. Needless to say, I was furious and hurt. I waited some time, to see if he would tell me on his own. The evidence built up and everything suspicious about the way he was acting started to make sense. I didn’t confront him for a week or two, though, when I was borrowing his phone and again read a text message about smoking. I couldn’t contain the chaos of feelings inside me at that point. I freaked out. We drove to a parking lot and talked for hours. I couldn’t believe that, knowing how much it upset me, he had lied to me. He maintained that he hadn’t known it would bother me so much, but this time I refused to accept that excuse. I decided to break up with him. I couldn’t go through with it, though. I told him I felt like he didn’t respect me and he burst into tears, despite having initially been defensive and cagey. I hugged him tight and we talked, and we agreed that, so long as he was honest with me, he didn’t have to stop smoking. It didn’t occur to me until later to be bothered by the fact that, when I had been crying, he sat rigidly in his seat and watched without providing comfort, whereas as soon as he started crying I felt the need to ease his pain. It didn’t matter that I was mad; I still loved him.
written by kaitlinllaves, 15 July, 2011
It was difficult, though, for me to handle the reality of his smoking. I hated it. I looked up all sorts of information about marijuana and marijuana advocacy and educated myself about the real-life health risks (less severe than you would think) in an attempt to come to accept it. I still couldn’t deal with the fact that I felt like he was wasting his time and money on something so meaningless. People feel fulfilled when they accomplish something. Smoking weed makes you feel good, yeah, but only while you do it; it’s not a lasting satisfaction. That’s why a person has to keep going back for more and more, even while getting so little out of it. I hated to imagine my boyfriend – whose smile and skin and hair and everything I loved – high. It crept into my thoughts during the most inconvenient times. When he was kissing me, I would think to myself that these lips had been on a pipe, probably not too long ago. I started to feel distant from him. When I brought it up, he act surprised. He hadn’t noticed.
When we talked about it – I don’t remember which talk this was – he told me I was wrong to want him to stop, because it was good for him and made him happier. He said his grades were going up. They stayed low, though, throughout the year. He quit the wrestling team. We stopped talking about anything interesting. He did not text me and ignored my texts, sometimes, and those nights I would know he had been smoking. If I figured it out I sat at home and cried, feeling more pathetic for caring so much. I felt silly, making such a big deal out of what was not so bad. It was just pot, after all. It’s not like he did it all the time. Was it worth losing my best friend and boyfriend, all at once? I decided it wasn’t. I hoped he would grow up. I’m eighteen and he’s seventeen, so I figured that if he wanted to be a boy, I could tolerate it for a while. Surely, sooner or later, he would start to act like a man. If he didn’t, I could leave him then, but there could be no harm in waiting.
One night we spent the day together and, when he left the room, I started to think about everything that had been going on between us. I started sobbing on his bed. He came in, realized I was upset and tried to comfort me, but I did not want to talk about the issue in front of his brother. I managed to regain my composure. That night, though, when we were getting ready to go to bed, he asked me what had been wrong and I told him. We had a good talk. He agreed to stop because I was so upset, although I had never pressured him to. He said it meant more to me than it did to him so he was willing to give it up for our relationship, because he loved me. This all sounds so hollow to me now, but I still want to believe it. We went to sleep happy. The next day, he texted me that his brother offered him a smoke and he had refused. "So, there you go. I quit," he said.
written by kaitlinllaves, 15 July, 2011
A week or so later, though, a mutual friend and I stopped by his house. "Yeah, I’ll be DONE done by the end of the month," he said. I didn’t let on immediately that it bothered me. It was April and he wanted to participate in 4/20. "What, you expected me to stop cold turkey?" he asked when I brought it up. I hadn’t, but he had created the impression that he had stopped. On 4/20, I drove to my mother’s house in a different state so I wouldn’t have to think about what was going on in my home state. I ended up telling her everything. We cried; my mom had been a huge pothead when she was a teenager, so she wasn’t too judgmental. "I know you love him," she told me. She could see that there were good arguments for both staying with him and leaving him. That’s what made the decision so difficult.
I stayed with him, of course. He stopped smoking. We started to rebuild the relationship, although it wasn’t exactly as it had been before. I felt closer to him, though, and I started to have more faith in him. I had never stopped loving him. I still haven’t.
A week or two ago, we spent the day together. Towards the end of the day, he seemed upset and I asked him what was wrong. "You’re never going to trust me again," he said, "You trusted me, and I ruined it, and it’s never going to be the same." I assured him that he could rebuild my trust by telling me the truth and went on to comfort him, telling him I loved him and wanted to believe that we could have an honest relationship. I told him I didn’t believe he was a liar by nature; he just cared too much what I would think of him and didn’t want to disappoint me. He broke down and confessed to having smoked the night before. I kissed him on his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his hair, his neck and told him I wasn’t upset. It was okay. Of course he would have difficulty quitting; something like this was bound to happen. I was just glad he told me. I felt very close to him and lucky to be his girlfriend. And I was so, so relieved he had told me. In the back of my mind, it nagged at me that he had started to lie to me – he had said he fell asleep early the night before – and that he might only have told me because my friend knew, and he knew there was a good chance I would find out from him. Overall, though, I was relieved that he had finally told me the truth. I made it clear to him that if he hadn’t I would have had to break up with him, although I would not have wanted to do it.
written by kaitlinllaves, 15 July, 2011
Today is Thursday. Yesterday I discovered on his brother’s phone a message from my boyfriend, talking about plans to smoke on Friday – weed they bought from my boss. I was devastated. It is clear to me, though, that I have to leave him. I am giving him until Monday to tell me the truth. If he doesn’t – and I don’t think he will – I will leave him. I love him as much as I ever have, but I refuse to believe that someone who lies for me is right for me and someone who he feels he constantly has to keep the truth from is right for him. We’re different and we’ve changed since we met each other. I can’t keep setting myself up to get hurt by this. At this point, if I get betrayed, I’ll have no one to blame but myself. If he respected me, he would have recognized my right to make my own decisions regarding this relationship. I want to be with him. I want to make it work. But there is always the nagging question: is he lying to me? I can’t just take him at his word anymore. He’s proven that his word is worthless as a validation of the truth, over and over again – breaking my heart every time. I’ve done my share of wrong in this relationship. I’ve been a snoop. I’ve been abrasive. I’ve been manipulative, I suppose, although it wasn’t intentional. I love him and I don’t think this is a good situation for either of us. I think we both need at least a break from each other, a chance to see why we wanted to be together in the first place.
To tell you the truth, I still really want to be with him. I keep hoping he’ll tell me before Monday, so I don’t have to leave him at all. I’m scared that I’ll wimp out and stay with him again, letting myself get hurt by a person who’s supposed to love me. I want it to work out between us so badly. At the end of the day, I just want the boy I fell in love with to hold me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. I want to lie in his arms and feel protected. Most of all, I want to believe him.
written by Jessicazada, 15 July, 2011
If your boyfriend is turning to drugs then likely he either is (1) too immature to find a "clean" way to have fun and spend his time, or (2) he’s running from something. Or a combination of the two.
written by Tornado, 18 July, 2011
I wish that they (the smokers) would understand that it is not about the weed, it’s about the lying. I knew my boyfriend smoked all the time when we met, and when we got serious I said I was not okay with it 24/7. He said he would stop, and he slowed down, but he still lied about it. I’ve explained to him so many times that although I don’t like it, used to do it but grew out of it, it’s more about the lying than anything else. How can I trust him about small stuff if he can’t even tell me the truth about that? For all the smoker’s out there, no, I don’t want to control him, I just want him to be honest with me. And yes, there are definitely times that I would prefer he didn’t do it – because if I can tell within about .03 seconds that he has, than so can everyone else!!!
Tonight I caught another lie. And such a stupid one that all I could ask was "Why on earth would you bother lying about that? Why would you ruin a perfectly good night over it? WHY?!!"
And I got no response. Just "I don’t know, it just slipped out."
The worst part, is that right after he lied about it, we were having a conversation about how I can’t stand when people lie about stupid stuff, and can’t just say what they mean and mean what they say. And the whole time, he just lied about it!!!!!!!!

Who does that? Now I am questioning everything else I’ve asked him recently, and wondering if he was lying about that, too. Because obviously he can do it without thinking, or even regretting. And definitely without apologizing – which hurts even more....
We live together, so it’s not like we are going to break up over something so stupid. But that almost makes it worse, because he knows I’m just going to suck it up and deal with it and that if he waits long enough and pretends he did nothing wrong, I will eventually get over it.
written by TennesseeGirl, 26 July, 2011
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We are both 22 years old. I knew he smoked weed when we first started dating, I actually smoked with him just to get to hang out with him and get to know him better. I did not know how much he liked to smoke and how important it was to him. He told me he had gotten a DUI a few months before we got together and was losing his license for a year. I stayed with him. He got to the point where he would rather go get high with his friends then hang out with me. I just got to the point where I was totally against him smoking. Plus if you are not high, you get to see how stupid someone who is acts, and how slowed down their reactions are. I did not like being around him when he was high. He got a drug charge about six months into our relationship and begged and pleaded with me saying he was done with everything for good, that he would do anything to get me to stay with him. His charge was a prescription diet pill so it was not anything terrible.I believed him when he said he was done with everything. He was on probation for six months. So I assumed he had drug tests. I have came to the conclusion that he never actually quit smoking, that he has been lying about this for a year and a half. His friends are potheads and try to convince me when I am around them that is nothing bad for you and that I should let him do it. He also talks about how great it is. He admitted that he has done it a few times but I am almost positive he does it everytime he hangs out with them because I do not hear from him for hours, he always says oh I fell asleep and he will never see me after he has been around them. i also fount eye drops in his car. I just cant believe that he would put drugs before me, and yes it a drug for those of you that try to argue it isn’t. It changes the way you think and act. I just don’t know what to do because it is obvious that he is just going to keep lying to me about it and I am very strongly against him doing it. I need help. This has ruined our relationship because I cannot trust him at all now and do not want him hanging out with his friends because I am afraid he is smoking and will ignore me the whole time. I love him a lot, but is it worth all of this stress? I figured I meant more than getting high to him.
written by ..., 03 August, 2011
So I have read just about every post here. Now I have just recently started smoking pot. What I do not understand is why the hell you would leave the person who is the one you love over smoking pot. Yes I understand they lied but dont you think that if you hadn’t put an ultimatum on him/her like pot or me they wouldn’t have had to lie. I bet there are things your partner is annoyed by things you do but in a relationship there has to be a mutual understanding that your partner is a person too. They have things they like to do. Love is about respecting who and what your partner does. I think that you guys should go a little easier on your partners and talk to them about it. And even get then comfortable enough to smoke it around you. Leaving the person you love over weed is the silliest thing I have ever heard. Now here’s an idea. Smoke it with them. Weed will not kill you , and you will get a better understanding of where they are coming from. Everyone should love the Mary jaine! (weed)
written by *-*, 04 August, 2011
Obviously there are two sides to every story, everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone has a right to feel the way they feel and nobody wins.

It’s a big deal to some and not to others, those who think it isn’t a big deal cannot grasp the issue. I personally don’t mind if a friend does it from time to time. I did it once as an adult a few years ago, curious I guess. Here’s my bottom line, I’ve been in relationship with someone who knew how I felt about it, knew I wanted no parts of it, knew I would not could not be in a relationship with someone who smokes it. Well, he’s been deceiving me, hiding it from me, lying to me. It’s all come out now, had he been honest we wouldn’t be in the position we are in. Now hearts and feelings are involved. Me not wanting to build a life with someone who smokes it doesn’t make me anything other than someone who walks a straight line. Him smoking pot doesnt make him a bad person, it just makes him someone I can’t be with. I’m 36, he’s 47 and love isn’t enough. Being realist, if it’s a problem now, it will always be a problem. One person is going to feel like they’re not valued enough while the other is going to feel like they’re being controlled. It’s not worth it and no relationship can continue with out both people feeling loved, respected, trusting and appreciated. I think people who have an issue with their partners smoking pot should get out and find someone with the same values and same goes for someone who likes to get high, they should be with people who share in that activity. Again the unfortunate part is when you’ve been deceived, robbed of making a decision based on the truth. Although difficult, I have to end my relationship and this point I cant even tell if it’s because he smokes pot or if its the distrust and disrespect I have for him now, he cant get that back, not from me anyhow. This after being told all this time "I’m the best thing that ever happen to him" "I mean more than anything" "he’s one of the most honest people I’ll ever meet" "he’ll never do me any wrong"
hmmm, what a shame
written by ***, 04 August, 2011
Do not let fear of being without a person or the devastation of a heartache deter you from making a decision you know in your gut is the right thing for You.

written by AmbiDjent87, 05 August, 2011
Half you women on here say you aren’t being controlling when you are in fact! My gf smokes and I don’t. I don’t have any kind of problem with it what so ever! It’s a fun recreational drug that’s way less dangerous than any other including alcohol. I would never ask her to change. She is who she is and I love her for it. She is in college full time and has a corporate job making plenty of money. Oh, wait what? Someone who smokes pot AND is a fully functional adult. No way? I would bet money that half of all you womens bf’s main problems aren’t pot. They probably just can’t function as a normal responsible adult so you blame it on the pot. If you want to change someone in anyway then you shouldn’t be with them. That stuff about people changing for each other.....please, that’s not how you find true love, bending people into what you and having them do the same. If you could just change everything about your significant other than it might as well be any random stranger on the street because you’d make them how you want. You’re all a bunch of idiots.
written by ...., 06 August, 2011
I’ve read over most of these posts, and I am just astounded with the lack of knowledge embedded into most of them. Most of you women, while I can sympathize with on the emotional hurt brought about by the lying, are doing my gender no justice.

You all need to take a look at what lies beneath this ‘horrible addiction’, as you imply, to some of the deeper psychological issues. I’ve noticed that a lot of you have been commenting on catching your men smoking pot, many of you discovering this by going through their phone. Really? These trust issues go far beyond smoking pot, and reflect God knows how many insecurities you have hidden beneath the surface. I think I even saw someone that demanded her boyfriend stop smoking pot, even though she smoked cigarettes. I think I laughed the hardest at that one.

If you are already going through their cell phones, I have no idea what else some of you women would do. That is beyond just being suspicious or insecure, that is flat out controlling behavior. Didn’t someone see a text from their partner’s brother’s cell? Ridiculous! The truth of the matter is, ladies, half of you probably don’t have a logical reason to be bothered by a partner that smokes pot. Have you educated yourself on the effects of the drug rather then just searching ‘is pot bad for u?!’ on Google? I doubt it.

You aren’t angry that your partner is smoking pot. You are angry because they aren’t the person that you want them to be. Think about this. As children, when we grow up, why do we lie? When you are a child and you get in trouble for something that you enjoy doing, but that you know someone doesn’t approve of, it is because we learn that bad things happen when that person finds out. So what do we do? We lie about it.

How many of you were actually calm and collected, and responded maturely to something your partner told you about, that upset you? I am 23 years old, and while I’m nowhere near the smoker I used to be, my fiance is aware that I do it occasionally as a way to unwind from a long day. I do not smoke it around him, and I am never high when we spend time together.

He understands that it is something I enjoy doing, and you know what? He loves me for who I am. What is his reward for that? Trust, honesty, devotion, respect, and most importantly, love. Because I know that if I screw up (Keep in mind I’m talking about small issues here) I can turn to him, we will discuss it and find a compromise, and after that we let it go. We are adults.

If your partner is lying to you, and you have no trust for them. Do a favor for everyone involved by ending the relationship instead of wasting time clinging onto something you’re apparently so against. You have two choices in the end. 1. You can stay in a situation you are unhappy with, hoping and wishing with all your might that your partner will turn into the image you had in your head. 2. You can accept reality that such people do not exist, that we are all very human, and the common sense to change your situation if it does not suit you.

Stop being so critical of minor things, focus on the good, and for the love of GOD stop being so controlling. Bunch of narcissists.
written by ***, 08 August, 2011
I wrote the comment Aug 4th which ended with "what a shame" I was so upset about being deceived and lied to from someone I thought I could trust in every aspect. Well, what a weekend since I wrote that message stating that I would have to end my relationship because he lied to me. I felt like suddenly he wasn’t the person I thought he was, I could never believe anything he’s says now about anything and I don’t mean as much as I thought I did and a whole boat load of uncertain, hurt, lost, and devastated feelings. When in emotional pain, for some of us the initial blow may cause us to be irrational and one sided. (and for those of you who caused this feeling, stop trying to save your butt, making excuses and get angry in turn, simply apologize and listen) Generally I have many times been accused of being too fair and too forgiving and too giving of the “benefit of the doubt”. Well, now that my rational and fair minded thought process has returned to me and I had an opportunity to chat with other ordinary people, I have to say that I am truly trying to be as open and fair minded in this situation, to save a relationship that is otherwise… great.

This entire string of conversations could have been avoided if from the get go had the truth been told. We all have our instincts and when we get the notion something isn’t quite right, what do you do? You dig, become investigative, on guard, suspicious. After he and I talked about the issue one night, it felt like we were doomed to part ways. I felt like I needed to stand on my moral principal that this stuff is bad, I want nothing to do with, he’s a liar and I can’t put up with this. OK, so in a calmer state…. You cannot ask or demand someone to change for you, they can volunteer to try but you also have to ask yourself whether or not you can accept something you’ve learned that you may not like. Do all of the other aspects outweigh this one? In my case, the answer is this, he’s good to me. Seeing past why he lied (not excusing it, just understanding) and being reassured and able to trust in his word that this is the only thing he’s ever lied about. At one point, I’m asking that he at least give me the opportunity to accept the truth, he didn’t think it would work because he felt like he’d be under a microscope and that’s not fair to anyone. I didn’t know what to say right then because he was right… I would be suspicious over everything he did and wondering “is he high right now”. The next day, I did a lot of thinking and here it is. If people are being honest and OPEN with each other, there’s never going to be the “need” for one to feel suspicious while the other feels under the scope.

This is not something he does every day, this is not something that makes him incapable of working, this is not something that makes him a different person (like alcohol does for most). Yes, he stole my opportunity to say “nah, I don’t really want to get mixed up with someone who’s into that.” But now, he owes me the opportunity to try and accept the dead truth. We agreed that if there’s nothing to hide, there’s no need for suspicion and therefore no feeling of being under the scope, he just has to be straight and open with me. I cannot guarantee that I’m going to be ok with it but I can promise to give my all into trying to accepting it and him just the way he is.

I also suggested that I’d try it with him, at least once. He was pretty happy and I was happy to make him happy :-) happy happy lol. I couldn’t think of a better way to lighten the tension that’s come between us and dive into our next chapter together. I guess we’ll either sink or swim but at least it will be an honest journey.

A thing about trust …. Trust is earned.
I realize that no one could cope with constant suspicion around them all the time but maybe if that person means enough to you, you won’t mind hanging in there and trying to reassure them you are worthy of their trust. There is a reason they feel the way they do. I personally don’t mind giving reassurance, I’ve been in positions where I needed it myself and completely understand.
written by Jeeda, 13 August, 2011
I left my boyfriend because of this. He lied to me from the very beginning. Saying he quit and couldn’t do it anymore because of his job (he works in healthcare) and his son. Then I lost my job and moved in with him in a different area. I found out he was smoking on occasion. I told him I didn’t like it and I wasn’t going to say it was ok because then it would be everyday. He assured me it wouldn’t turn into all the time. So this was our compromise. Every once in a while. Then I found out he was sneaking around behind my back, smoking everyday with the neighbor. The neighbors were hiding it from me. I felt so insignificant. I told him I wasn’t going to deal with that and threatened to leave. I was so pissed off. I told him I’d just have to do it do it to. To see why it was so FUCKING GREAT!!!!. And he was ok with me doing it too. That, to me, was fucked up in itself. It continued to be everyday and we fought about it all the time. This is when I knew it was a deal breaking problem. He told me 1. "It’s the only thing that make me happy." (Great so I did’t make him happy.) 2. "I can’t relax without it." (That’s just as bad as being an alcoholic.) 3. "I get along better with my son when I’m high." (That’s just messed up. When you are high you are no longer being a parent.) 4. He acts completely miserable without it. I didn’t know how to deal with this man. This wasn’t the man I fell in love with. (He started everyday after I’d been living with him 6 months. We stopped going out, unless it was the bar. He didn’t want to go out with me and meet my friends. HE wanted to stay home and get high with the neighbor. I started staying out with my coworkers at hte bar until 2 in the morning and then go home. I didn’t want to go home to a stoned boyfriend. He called me on it, and asked me if I was cheating. I told him I wasn’t coming home anymore because he was high all the time. He didn’t seem to care. I told him to stop or even go back to our compromise or he would lose me. I left that week and moved all my things out a week later. He’s having the time of his life. Posting pictures on facebook of parties he’s going to. He doesn’t even care that I’m gone. I’m tired of crying about it. I don’t need someone like that. I hate pot, but I know lots of people who do it on occasion. But when it becomes the only thing that makes your significant other happy, the only way they can relax, or they are miserable without it. Do yourself a favor and get out. It feels like a knife in the heart but you’ll be happier in the end.
written by *.*, 26 August, 2011
Finding it harder than I thought to get past being lied to. The core issue isn’t about what the lies were about... it’s the act of being dishonest. I find that I can only "pretend" to trust in his word – all the while it’s eating me up inside.
This is what being deceived and lied to has done to me.
written by Undead soldier, 28 August, 2011
I smoke weed, and before all of you bitch at me and count me down, listen to my explanations

I have severe depression, but when i smoke i’m usually good
I walk around a lot, and when it’s 115 degrees when i’m high it doesn’t bother me
My mothers side has memory problems, and I can actually remember better when I’m high
I have horrible insomnia, and cannot sleep before 4 a.m. unless i smoke
I have recently figured out, i promise I’m not lying, I was dehydrated after being 5 days sober, constantly drinking water, i smoked 1 bowl with a friend, and drank 2 diet seven up’s, (first thing i drank all day)that was the first time in 5 days i was’t dehydrated

so my health, or at least mental stability or a woman, hmmm... and to the chick that drinks, YOU ARE AN IDIOT, ALCOHOL, IS PROVEN TO BE WORSE FOR YOU THAN WEED, remember everyone has there reasons though
written by okchapis, 12 September, 2011
His lying about smoking is what bothered me. The lying. So I calmly suggested we make a compromise. I said we needed to make a comfortable middle, where we both are happy. That is, after all, the basis of every successful relationship.

I said, "You can smoke on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays, and Fridays. Saturdays and Sundays are sober days."

He happily agreed and said that he knew with his heart and soul that he can do that.

I added, "But let’s say you want to see me on a Tuesday, or I want to see you on a Friday, you cannot smoke that day either because I don’t want to be around you when you’re high."

He said, "I don’t want you to see me high if it makes you uncomfortable, I think this is a great compromise."

We kissed and made up, got back together that same day, we have lived happily ever after since.


Two weeks after we compromised and got back together, we went to the beach on a Sunday afternoon and I asked if he was still keeping his word. He kissed me and held me and said he hasn’t done anything wrong and that he was going to keep his promise. He was so sincere that I felt like we were going to make it this time. Two days later I found out he went biking with his friends that same Sunday morning and smoked a joint. After his bike ride he got home and showered, brushed his teeth, put some eye drops, then went to see me.

*uck this I’m out. I gave it my all and I had even accepted him. I only asked for two days out of the week to be sober. He couldn’t even do that.

People are probably going to say, "You need to accept him for exactly who he is."

He needs to do the same for me. People in relationships need to do sacrifices for each other and that is exactly what I did. He couldn’t do the same for me.

It’s been 5 days since I broke it off and he is sending me text messages saying how sorry he is and how he feels so bad. He says he is going to prove to me how much he loves me. Been there, done that. I’m not falling for this shit anymore. I miss him, and I probably always will, but I just couldn’t stand it any longer.
written by Sharpie, 20 September, 2011
Well, I’m a girl and I (now a sophomore in college) have been dating my boyfriend since freshman year of high school (off and on at some points). He has never smoked weed, not sure if he ever will. Anyways, I, on the other hand love the ganj. I broke up with him last year when I was going through my rebellious "I’m a college girl" phase and smoked a bit when we broke up. When we got back together, I told him that I smoked with friends and he didn’t really seem bothered. He just told me that it’s not something that he wants to do, it’s his moral choice not to smoke pot and he doesn’t care if his friends or I do it. He lives a few states away going to another college. We talk all the time, see each other once a month and I love him with all of my heart. Once in awhile I will smoke but I never tell him when I do, because I don’t find it necessary. Part of me feels guilty for not telling him but do I really need to? I don’t want it to cause excess problems (not being near him is hard enough). I never have and I never will be high around him, out of respect. I work my ass off in school and work just as hard in the workplace (I have two jobs). Do you think it is necessary to tell him that I smoke? smilies/shocked.gif
written by speedbump4T4, 26 September, 2011
well im stuck in this situation where we have two beautiful 3 month old kids we have been dating for 4-5yrs and just got a house together n getting ready to move when we met we both smoked heavily and when i got prego with the twins i quit and told him he had to quit as well. about 6 months into the pregnancy i was cleaning and he came outta the bathroom and i could smell the strong odder of pot coming from there i went up to him and asked " do u think im f*cking stupid" he looked at me all confused and i asked him did u just smoke pot in the bathroom he looked at me in the eyes n said "no" i began to cry n went downstairs to do laundry 5 min later he came down n said he was sorry n that he did smoke i flipped out on him he said he wouldn do it again due to the babies and his job well a couple of weeks ago he had stepped out to have a cig and i came out 2 min after n caught him red handed i flipped out again due to the fact we were in CPS cause my son had a fractured arm n he could have been tested n he would have lost his kids. a week later as im packing for the move im downstairs in the closet and i find a baggy that had a lil pot left in it as well as matches so i snoop around n i find a loaded pipe i confront him about it and he states he has not smoked sense he got caught last time n so tonight im on my laptop playing games n he steps out for a cig comes back in n i instantly smell pot on him i go to bed and say to him i can smell pot on u n your breath he states he did not smoke pot while outside but i cant trust him right now not really sure what to do cause i dont work right now i am a full time mom taking care of our twins n i dont want to b a single momsmilies/cry.gif
written by Byah, 26 September, 2011
I hope all you people banning pot from your "significant others" life are also banning alcohol... and cigarettes. Wouldn’t wanna use the word hypocrite or anything but i’m pretty sure those are also bad for you.. in fact i think their worse for you than marijuana. Hell even caffeine causes more problems than marijuana. Your the type of people that suck the life out of others.. it’s unfortunate because im sure with a little education on the subject you may change your minds and realize how stupid most of you sound. Anyways.. dont bother replying to me.. I stumbled on this stupid site by mistake and probably will never look at this site again.. have fun QQ’ing losers
written by Bumbaclot, 28 September, 2011
Are people talking about heroin or weed? Weed is a non-toxic herb that has anti-cancer properties (look it up) – it does not cause lung cancer (look it up), it does not kill brain cells (look it up), it does not cause schizophrenia (look it up) – it is less harmful than legal drugs like alcohol and tobacco (look it up). Your ancestors most likely smoked it since it’s been used for thousands of years and yet people are willing to ignore all of this because they’ve been fooled into thinking weed is bad by a shitty government and a shitty education system. If I had a girlfriend that ended the relationship because of weed, I’d be thankful because I wouldn’t want to be with some irrational drama queen – who knows what other misinformed decisions they’d make.
written by 420 Rapper, 25 October, 2011
Hey now my GF (Ex now for cheating on my with my best friend.) was cool with it I just don’t see what the big issue is. Weed isn’t like Crack, Meth, Smack, or Cocaine. It chills you out rather than hype you up like those drugs do. And plus statistics say that relationships with at least 1 or both partners use Weed there are less problems within the relationship. If you are chill all the time you guys won’t fight allot and he will love you for understanding. He is probably accepting your faults why can’t you accept his and move on? If you truthfully love him you will be calm about it. | Me – 1 | Unreasonable Question – 0 |
written by Are You Serious????, 29 October, 2011
I found this article by doing random google searches as I am writing a thesis about marijuana in today’s society for my sociology class... I am appalled at how many people on this forum are seriously misguided about marijuana... Many of you admit openly that you drink alcohol and/or smoke cigarettes, yet you look down upon people who smoke weed. This in itself if funny because marijuana is safer than the most legal drugs on the market (ie liquor tobacco, etc.) Its even safer than acetaminophen which is your leading cold/flu medicine. And at the same time its less habit forming than some famous household items like sugar or caffeine. I know this because I a pharm major. I understand that the majority of people don’t understand many of the benefits or uses of the drug because they only know what they have been brainwashed. But hear this, the FDA has admitted to the many uses of this drug and believe it or not, its now legal to smoke weed in up to 16 states... and only a matter of time until the rest of the country follows suit. Yes, its only for medicinal purposes but imagine why in those states doctors are prescribing weed for migraines rather than aspirin( or if your migraines are bad enough vicodin.) Rather than prescribing xanax for anxiety they are prescribing weed... The list goes on for the many different drugs/ailments that this one drug replaces--all the while, the drug is less habit forming than caffeine. Now here comes the next topic--weed by itself won’t make people lazy or unmotivated and there are millions of people who use it daily and still have normal successful lives. So if your boyfriend is lazy and unmotivated and unemployed, its not because of weed its because he is just lazy and unmotivated--don’t blame the weed. Its almost as ridiculous as an abusive husband blaming the alcohol--we all know the beer didn’t make you hit her--you did it on your own. So I guess the moral of my post was just to say, weed isn’t that serious and shouldn’t be a deal breaker for a relationship. If you find someone that is a good person, treats you right, and has a decent job--you shouldn’t become scared if you find out they smoke weed. In fact, if you live in one of the 16 states they might even have a prescription for it. There are many other important factors that you should gauge your relationship on...

Ps--don’t take this the wrong way--this isn’t an excuse to stay with a bum... I’m just telling some of these woman to look at the big picture b/c I read some of those post saying how their guy has a job and seemed to be a good guy but since she knows he smokes then he must be the antichrist and now she’s leaving him... lol its just ridiculous. Esp the one girl who says she gets drunk to the point where she has embarrassed her bf on multiple occasions, yet she is going to leave him b/c he smokes pot(he didn’t even embarrass her...) Do you see the hypocrisy in that?
written by MariJaneJane, 01 November, 2011
I’m a girl,i got my boyfriend into smoking, and our relationship has never been better smilies/smiley.gif
You all have no idea what you are talking about! Fix the lying problem, but the weed? Common now, try it with him. It’ll bring you guys closer, educate yourself before you assume things that are not true women!! All you women here are misinformed and have these crazy misconceptions about what marijuana does and what it is. It’s astonishing really. Do you. Scuse me while I kiss the sky!! smilies/smiley.gif

That kushhhh
written by gingergal, 11 November, 2011
Just broke up with my boyf less than a month ago because he had serious insecurity issues. We were together almost three years and he continuously accused me of cheating on him although i was always absolutely honest with him and never even dreamt of cheating on him. He told me by email yesterday that he was smoking weed behind my back (even though he continuously told me he had given up and thus obviously lied to my face about it) for the last two years, which lead to his paranoia and insecurities but absolutely doesn’t excuse his behavior. Feel so betrayed that he lied to me for so long and I believed him. He also smokes cigarettes and i tried my best to help him give up, I even bought lollipops to put in his cigarette box so that every time he’d go for a cigarette he’d find a lollipop instead and could use that to distract him until the cravings subsided. I feel like an idiot for caring so much now.

Can’t believe he didn’t even tell me to my face as i met him wednesday evening and he said nothing, he just emailed me thursday morning at work to tell me about his weed problem. Most of my friends are after moving abroad because of the recession (I’m a civil engineer), so don’t have a big gang of friends to rely on but have a few really close friends for support. He was my first boyfriend so maybe I put up with it for much longer than I should have.

Apart from the insecurities he was incredibly irresponsible and unreliable even though he was 31 and has an 11-year-old daughter already whom he sees every weekend. I guess I never felt he was someone I could have a family with; he was just never around when I needed him, despite being together nearly three years. So furious after finding out he lied to me for nearly two years. Please reassure me that there are honest men out there!!!

written by Andrew, 13 November, 2011
Okay, so just to make sure I’ve gotten this straight. You found out your boyfriend smokes weed and it rocked your fundamentalist little head huh? Whooo! better call the therapist, we got a SERIOUS SUBSTANCE ABUSER HERE! Seriously, why don’t you go smoke a bowl and get off your dudes balls (or on them if you believe in premarital), and chill the F out. He’s not going to start smoking crack because he smokes weed. That’s a ridiculous double-standard that is falsely portrayed daily in our media. Alcohol and Tobacco are much more dangerous than your dude smoking some pot, so relax.
written by coltrane, 22 November, 2011
HELP! I’ll tell you what’s going threw our minds if you give me some feedback on this post. I’m a young guy, 20 years old, and I broke up with my gf not primarily because of pot, but because she had no trust in me from all the times I lied about smoking it. It’s surprising how cannabis can be such a hassle on a relationship when one of you doesn’t have the same perspective on this subject. When we first started to get serious, she made me promise that I wouldn’t smoke again and of course I promised I wouldn’t..because I didn’t want to lose something that meant more than anything I’ve ever had before ..I loved her. Knowing she loved me too made me need nothing else, but I still wanted to smoke and I did.
I hid it from her. Not because I had this selfish addiction, but because I thought if she found out that I would lose her. I lied countless times. Ladies, we don’t love marijuana more than you. We only lie, because we don’t want to have an argument over something that’s not a big deal to us.(Well if its not a big deal then why do you do it? Because some of us don’t like to drink, some like to smoke instead and not cheat on you in our crazed, barely-conscious drunkenness!) Whatever your reason may be please don’t give us an ultimatum.
When my ex gave me an ultimatum I knew she would never break up with me. Why? Because, ultimatums are a cop out. Don’t force us to make a decision that you want to make. If it’s really that big of a deal don’t even start the relationship. Not only that, but weed isn’t a big deal.. AT ALL. If you really loved your boyfriend you shouldn’t have made his "problem" a massive ordeal. Don’t worry about anything else but if, God forbid, he takes a drag off a joint..
We don’t want to break up with you, but we also don’t want to stop smoking pot. Pot wasn’t more important to me than my gf at the time, but i did it because i wanted to. I can see if your about to have a kid and your man is acting like one himself, that you would be upset. But, your debating on leaving a great thing because he likes to smoke a plant that has no proven side effects, except TEMPORARY short term memory loss, WITH YEARS OF USE! And it’s not a gateway to other drugs.. the news says its proven, but people can say no. Its not like you sign a contract the first time you try pot saying you have to try other drugs after marijuana.
The last thing I have to say is that when my ex got on me for pot I hated my life. She always said I loved smoking more than I loved her.. it wasn’t true. But if your on his ass long enough it’s gonna be a lot harder to love you. I know it got a little rough at the end of this blog, but if you read this tell me why its sooo important(in my case of being 20 years old living in my apartment, with no kid, with a good job, and a new car, taking care of all my responsibilities, while living on my own)that we stop smoking weed. Give me one reasonable answer.
Caring about how you feel on the subject is not a good answer. Because if you love me you’ll stop, also isn’t good enough. Its immature, childish, etc isn’t good enough. Go out to a bar, let your bf smoke and you stick to the alcohol. We’ll see who looks and acts immature or childish at the end of the night.
Please prove me wrong. Give me an answer good enough, that will shove everything I typed down my throat.
written by Trina c, 27 November, 2011
You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him what you need in a relationship , for ex : I need you to stop smoking pot and doing any other drug. Then ask him if he can accept that . if he says yes say I don’t want any Lieing in our relationship . If he dont agree and thinks drugs are more important tell him your leaving and go to a friends for a few days ( if you live with him ) if not just say we need some time apart if your not willing to give me what I need in our relationship . Im 15 I got advice from my Fiance’s mom . she told me to use the I need messages not you need to stop . Dont try and control him just give him time to think make sure you keep repeating your self if he changes the subject . let him no that you want a drug free life for you and your Family in the future are you capable of giving me that ? .
written by Trina c, 27 November, 2011
Andrew, Leave her a lone seriously ! that’s how she feels ! that’s what she wants in her relationship everyone has there different point of views ! dont listen to Him ! and yeah if he is smoking pot now he will become a pot head and try other things ! thats what are society is these days ! all dumb little teens running around thinking pot and other substances are kool. well needs to say ! there dumb and it will and is ruining your life and relationship!
written by Trina C, 27 November, 2011
You cant change someone but you sure can tell him what YOU need out of A relationship ! trust me it works I just did it!
written by Christoph, 28 November, 2011
I’ve seen some pretty unreasonable stuff here in this thread about women trying to coerce their boyfriends into dumping marijuana forever. A lot of these women seem to be lunatic manipulators and I’m sort of glad that they ended up breaking it off with their boyfriends before they ended up on leashes. But on a more serious note I’d like to say that marijuana isn’t the devil that a lot of people make it out to be. It relaxes people and makes them happier, but also it should be known that people shouldn’t overtake the drug since it isn’t cool being doped up 24/7. Women deserve to see their boyfriends for who they are without being high. However, if it is used recreationally instead of daily I don’t see the problem whatsoever. (at that point it seems women are being far too CONTROLLING) I’m personally stressed out quite a bit and I like to relax once and a while with some pot, but I understand that when I’m with someone they deserve to see the true me and not me high all the time. There also is the risk imposed with using an illegal drug and the threat of being busted which puts the non-user at risk as well. That however seems to be the fucked up criminal system that we have to tolerate however and not the drugs fault. Regardless we all need to compromise in a situation like this since it isn’t HORRIBLE to smoke pot, but remember the risks and never endanger/ignore your loved ones with the consequences of smoking it.

written by lies and marriage, 03 December, 2011
well when me and my bf first talking he said he smokes . I told him it wasn’t a problem as long as if it wasn’t around me . Then the next day i told him before we went out , listen i’m not comfortable with that .

And the fact that he sells is way out of line . I told him i was sorry i just didn’t think me and him were going to go far . I just got out of a break up and wanted to have a good time . Never thought me and him were going to be more than friends. Then he said i’ll try for you and then asked me out .

Everything was going amazing until he got high on our anniversary and came to my house. After that i told him it’s me or the weed. Of course he said i will stop for you. So months after months him lying behind my back , he admit smoking when we have a huge fight and breaks up with me.

Then he calls me saying how he was stupid to leave me and he really is going to stop. Now we got married and the day before we did i found out he smoked the day before. And if that wasn’t the kicker , he got drunk on our wedding night. After that he checked out a girl and said something in front of me . So now i’m so insecure and i’m pretty every person i met always said. Now i believe he smokes behind my back and checks out girls because i’m not hot enough. WHATEVER

Back to the weed issue , i always took him back after him lying straight to my face. I told him be honest be honest since day one. And he would flip out and say i’m crazy . ugh never been so stress in my life . FUCKING LOVE !

Anyways today he told me i’m going to smoke , i use to do this drug and this drug so weed isn’t bad. And i told him i can’t be with someone who does it . He flipped out threw my phone in the toilet , rang my bell to get my parents , and then he gives me my christmas gifts wrapped . Did i mention he doesn’t even wear a wedding ring ? he lost it at work as he claims to me. Now he is saying if i don’t move in we are done . And he is going to smoke whenever he wants .

All i want is to compromise with me . Try to smoke once a week and not in front of me either . Be honest with me more . And i can’t even tell him that i don’t care if he doesn’t stop , i care if it’s around me . And that he would have to quit eventually because it does make it hardier to reproduce. Oh yeah we have been trying to get pregnant. He turned off his phone and said he will call me later.

I guess my problem is i can’t let him go . I have his name tattoo on me , im married to him . I love him so much though . Me and him do have good times. Just this smoking weed has spilt us apart.

I act like a bitch because it hurts , he’s lying behind my back . And if he lying about this what else is he lying about? I can’t even be myself , i just hear myself nag and nag . Then he says he doesnt care about me . Never did but then he says he was just mad and didnt mean it . He plays games and i just wanted to see if anyone had advice on what i should do?

I really love my husband and i know he loves me . But am i pushing it ? I use to tell him if he smokes im done.

For 9 months he has been and now i don’t even trust him .

i just want us to go back to normal.
written by Erin Grace, 12 December, 2011
I am in the same situation. I used to be a heavy cigarette smoker and my boyfriend of 1 year said the if I quit smoking cigarettes, he would quit smoking weed. In August I had a stroke due to cigarette smoking and birth control pills and I was forced to quit smoking so I asked him if he would quit with me. He got annoyed. He said "I wasn’t expecting you to have to quit so soon." But he promised me that he would quit but I know he’s smoking weed regularly. We live an hour and a half away from each other so it’s easy for him to get away with it but I really wish he wouldn’t do it.

He recently said to me that he would break up with me if I start smoking cigarettes again because I don’t care about my health, but he doesn’t seem to care about me or my feelings because he just continues to smoke with the boys without even caring about me or my feelings. He wonders why I have trouble trusting people, this is why. People think they can "pull one over on me" because I am too caring and too quick to help people, but I never thought it would be him doing this to me. I expect it from other people, but never from him.

I just don’t know what to do, I really want to confront him about it, but whenever I confront him about stuff, he makes me feel incredibly stupid. He makes whatever I have to say seem irrelevant and silly. I wish there was a way to make him see what he’s doing really upsets me.

I really thought he would go along with this because of everything that happened to me. He knows that I am in a really fragile state right now because I had a stroke at 20 and it made me even more depressed than I have ever been. I thought he would be willing to make sacrifices for me.. I guess not...

I’m definitely not trying to be controlling. I used to date the biggest pot head in my town and I hated how it made him act. I hate how my boyfriend acts when he’s high too. I’ve had a lot of problems with weed in my past. I am not uneducated nor am I saying it’s bad for you or whatever other people are saying. I am just saying that it was my boyfriend who offered to quit when he thought there was no chance of it happening but now that it has happened, he just lies and lies and continues smoking. Its not so much about the weed, it’s more about the trust issue. I just wish he wouldn’t lie to me.
written by indie, 12 December, 2011
My bf smokes weed and was in and out of rehab.... he is also a chain smoker and a drinker.... this site was very informative and an eye opener of the problems to come since I am only with him for a year now....but being with him is an entirely new experience.... and I am not sure if he will ever stop. Personally I wish he would quit all 3, smoking drinking and the weed.....
written by Manlyman, 23 December, 2011
Wow. A word of advice ladies: grow up, learn about marijuana and it’s "dangers", and for gods sake STOP calling it a drug. It is an herb. A plant. Something natural that God put on this earth. In conclusion: don’t ruin your relationship over something so stupid.
written by louiseb, 03 January, 2012
Jeez it’s women like you lot that make me ashamed to be one. Alcohol and cigarettes are FAR worse than bud. Stop listening to what the media tells you because all it does is fear monger and you are the kind of weak minded people that buy it. Fair enough if he is smoking it every single day because yes, it can make you lazy but if it’s just when he’s with his mates, what’s the deal? It sounds like you all knew that your partner smoked the stuff before you were even with them so if you didn’t like it, why did you get with them in the first place? You can’t change someone and you can’t force someone to give up something they enjoy. Grow up and stop being so ignorant and controlling. You’ll only push them away.
written by KristinaI, 20 January, 2012
Listen, what if you are ok with them smoking everyone once in a while or when ever, but when you ask them they lie about it and then out of the blue tell you they are done and want to have a real job and let it go bc it was making them depressed. Then months later you catch them doing it after they said they were done. Then you ask them to give them a chance to tell the truth and they lie. Its not about doing it its about lying. so own up to it and quit lying. No one wants to be with a liar no matter how much you love them.
written by Ellie Puddephatt, 25 January, 2012
Ok... I believe I have a very different story to a lot of people here. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now so its fresh but feels like longer, we have become really close. He knew that I did not care if he smoked weed when with me or whatever because my Dad used to smoke it too so I’m used to it. Come to find out that last night after jokingly asking him (which is the best way to get information out so they don’t think your gonna flip out) if he had done drugs while been with me (I know he has done other drugs in the past) He replied with YES! Several times while we have been together also when he was hanging out with me at concerts etc. (Without me NOTICING) I am absolutely livid with him at the moment. He has lied to me on numerous occasions and actually done them in the same room as me. He has no idea what the problem is, he believes that he has not lied because i just ‘never asked’ BULL. Never asked? WTF! He makes NO SENSE. I shouldn’t have to reel this information out of him, I shouldn’t have to question him about this shit all the time he should just TELL ME! I also have no problem with him doing drugs... I can trust him to be responsible with them I just have a right to know what the fuck he is doing because this is not building my trust, he just destroyed it! I have no idea what to do.
written by ChuckeCheez, 03 February, 2012
I love the weed bashing in this forum. Especially because its followed by the pro alcohol statements.
Not saying everyone who smokes weed is a good boyfriend, but I’m sure a strictly stoner bf is safer than a dysfunctional alcoholic.
The main point the females are trying to make is that they hate being lied to. As a loyal boyfriend for the past two years
I understand where the anger comes from, but why not try and support their habit for once?
Even if you hate it yourself, let them know that you are concerned but without making it a threat. That way we won’t have to lie.
I have never lied to my girl about smoking, but its easier for me cause we both love weed. This doesn’t mean I’ve never gotten shit
from her about smoking though. I have plenty of times, but its more about how I act after I smoke. Once she talked to me about things I
should fix, I took initiative to better myself and pay more attention to her. I know we get lazy and unmotivated when we get high, but if your man loves you enough he will listen to what you have to say. Just don’t blame everything on weed or else it will result in an argument.
And even if he sometimes wanders off in his head and does something you told him to fix, just remind him nicely.
I know a lot of the people just hate smoke period, but there are smoke free alternatives like vaporizing. The healthiest way to get high.
Understand his views and make him understand yours, and hopefully it works out.
written by women are nuts, 03 February, 2012
Weed, really its weed, is it even illegal anymore? I don’t smoke weed but seriously girls its pot. If you don’t want to date him don’t date him because pot heads are boring as shit.
written by Lostforwords, 08 February, 2012
I’ve been dealing with my boyfriend and his smoking pot issue for two years now. It first started with me wanting him to stop smoking in front of me, then before we were planning to hang out, then only once a week. It finally got to the point where I said he has to quit completely, it’s been three months since then and I’m still convinced he is smoking and lying about it since he has so many times in the past. He insists he quit for good but yet I still doubt it. I’ve actually insisted on him taking three home drug tests. He has pasted all three but I’m not aware that he could pass it using a muitude of viitamins and drinks? I’ve also recently have found not one, but three bottles of visine in his car. Many people are telling me not to trust him or these home tests. I don’t know what to do anymore because I love him so much! Any suggestions? I just want to know if he’s lying or if he really has quit. Much help needed!!!
written by Pissedashell, 08 February, 2012
I really can’t believe the amount of people here who are trying to justify smoking!? It’s illegal people! It’s disgusting! It makes me laugh that people want to justify it Like it’s good for you? some statistics...get your facts straight. Don’t try and justify it just to save yourself from not being lazy and actually quitting. And I don’t care who you shouldn’t be lying to your girlfriend at all. Especially weed. Think about it...if your lying about it..your obviously embarrassed. Ha. It’s pathetic. Lazy ass potheads...get a job. Get off your asses and stop defending something so disgusting as weed. Thank you.
written by Francesco D’Ocuna, 13 February, 2012
Nothing wrong with smoking weed. Many responsible people do so, the problem is with do gooder busy bodys who make a huge issue out of it. Weed is fine and i know many many professional people with very good jobs who are mature enough to lead a balanced respectable life involving weed. just because the media hurls inaccurate information regarding cannabis at people, people start freaking out and making it out cannabis is some sort of crazy negative drug like crack or heroin or something. WAKE up, most things in moderation are totally fine.
written by JJgsdgsd, 19 February, 2012
People always try to justify weed, saying its "not addicting". IT IS ADDICTING! My boyfriend of 3 years cannot QUIT! He’s even admitted to me he’s addicted. It is PSYCHOLOGICALLY addicting! My boyfriend has STOLE FROM ME, his family, and friends because of his weed addiction.. And i CANT GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! Every time I try, he says he will "change" and "stop smoking for me." If your in a similar situation, or are dealing with a boyfriend who is addicted to weed, GET OUT NOW! DO NOT WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME! People who have addictions don’t care about you, all they care about is themselves and their addiction. My boyfriend was too busy on my birthday and valentines day to see me, BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING HIGH!! TRUST ME, No matter how much people say they will change, they never will, especially addicts.... AND don’t bother to change people, there is someone out there that you won’t have to change anything about and you will love them and they will love you for you also! I told my boyfriend today if he stops smoking for good then we can work things out, and I’m at my breaking point, if he doesn’t stop I’m going to deal with the heartbreak, because I can’t take this pain he gives me anymore just because of his addiction. Trust me ladies, first its his addiction, then come the lies, over and over again. GET OUT NOW! DON’T TAKE IT ANY FURTHER! God Bless you ALL
written by Lay off your man, jeeze!, 22 February, 2012
I have to say all of you women complaining about men smoking a little pot are pathetic.

If you’re boyfriend is lying to you, that is YOUR fault. You made him promise to stop smoking for your own selfish desires and by giving him an ultimatum, you made him choose. BAD on your part. You shouldn’t put your loved one in a position where they feel they have to lie to you. You shouldn’t be controlling or telling him what to do.

There are those that smoke in excess, that is wrong I agree. Your boyfriend, husband, friend.. whatever they are their own independent entity. There are things he probably doesn’t like you doing, but it doesn’t give him the right to ask you to stop.

If you want to KEEP your man AND your sanity. Give him the permission to smoke, but just ask that he smoke responsibly. That means he can smoke, but he still has to maintain relationships, and his duties in his life. Don’t be a controlling blank. And for all of you who think marijuana causes birth defects, etc. You are idiots.
Watch this video. Marijuana is possibly one of the best drugs covered up by the US gov, the pharmaceutical industry, and the tobacco industry. Why? Because they CAN’T profit off of it and it can be grown in your own back yard. There are things in your brain called endocannabinoid receptors. They scavenge free radicals and help prevent cancer. Marijuana mimics these by helping prevent cancer, and treat a multitude of issues in people who need it including depression, anxiety, pain, ETC.
written by lweigel, 23 February, 2012
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for six months now. When we started dating, I told him that I do not like to date people who smoke. He told me he only smoked on "special occasions" and I was ok with that. I found out a few months ago that he lied to me about being high and I had to find out through a friend. I told him that if he EVER lied about smoking again, I would break up with him. Turns out he smoked Salvia this weekend. I have no idea what to do. He’s the perfect guy except for the weed and stuff and I want to be with him, but I don’t like lies and I already told him I would end it if he lied again.
written by Idiots, 29 February, 2012
you guys understand that "Pot" is in no way harmful for you. Alcohol is way worse, and you just whine about something so harmless.

written by anonchik, 03 March, 2012
Hi, it was refreshing being able to read so much from both sides of the fence I have learnt a lot about weed. My story is I feel, different however. I really need advice on what to do here!
I met my boyfriend 2 years ago, and 1.5 years ago I moved interstate to live with him and his family. My boyfriend bare in mind is 21 and recently unemployed.
Before I moved in, I knew of his drug history and that he has taken the hard stuff (speed, eccies, meth) years ago, and also that he has smoked weed since he was 13 years old. I was fine with that and appreciated his honesty. He told me that he has been clean for 2 years, and that he would never do drugs or introduce me into drugs. And that has been true until recently.
So we were out in a nightclub and we were introduced to a girl who we hanged out with the whole night, and later she told my bf that she has a friend who can give him some weed that night. I agreed as he told me it was nothing and this is just a one off to show me what it was like. It is now March next year and he is still buying weed from her. I told him I wouldn’t mind it if it’s moderation, and that he always tells me and doesn’t hide it or lie about it. There have been times where he lied to me about getting it and hiding it even though I told him its fine so long as i’m aware. Which is fair right? We discussed it, and he told me he would never hide it again.
So last night him and his brother went and got weed, and lied to me about getting it. When he came up to bed, I asked him and he lied to my face about it and denied it completely. I am so hurt, why would he lie about it and hide it from me again. Its not like I have ever told him to quit, or given any ultimatums...
I’m not even mad about the weed. The fact that he lied to me about it is what hurts the most.

written by Yourstrulyplz, 06 March, 2012
@JJgsdgsd habit does not equal addiction. There is no substance in weed that makes it addictive. Him not being able to quit is him not being able to break a bad habit. Would you call finger nails addictive because someone compulsively bites them?

I dont know much about your relationship but from the picture you paint it seems like he´d rather smoke weed than be around you because you´re unbearable. From my personal experience with several of them most stoners will do anything they can to avoid drama. Sounds like the relation-ship ended long before you broke up with him, but he was too lazy (stoners hah) to actually end it himself. Hope you find a non-pothead boyfriend who will make you happy.

BTW I dont smoke pot, nor do I condone it. God bless you.
written by oldernow, 09 March, 2012
Everyone on here that thinks weed is bad, evil, irresponsible, etc... LIVE YOUR LIFE! Lots of dumb, irresponsible, bad decision making, lazy people out there that don’t smoke pot... If it doesn’t get in the way of productivity or responsibility let it go! It’s not a drug, it’s a chemical that comes from a plant. Many of these comments sound uneducated and fearful of something they don’t understand. I bet every one of you anti-pot protesters has a hobby, passion or activity that stimulates you. Whether it’s biking, cooking, drinking wine, dancing or extreme sports, we all deal with life differently. There are good, responsible, successful people out there that smoke on a regular basis. Some of your own friends are probably smokers and you never even knew! Mind blowing hugh?!
written by stupid, 10 March, 2012
Hey there all.... my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years (since I was 15). When I met him he didn’t dabble at all in anything. I am a cigarette smoker. In 2009 I went on to university and we decided to have a break. This is when he started smoking green and dabbling in other drugs. We got back together 6 months later and of course I knew he was smoking weed (at the time I didn’t believe it was an issue for him). He stopped any other crap he had been taking because he knew I wouldn’t stand for it. He has been smoking weed very heavily for 3 years now and I also smoked it the odd time as well. Now it’s just not fun anymore. He can’t go even half a day without a joint. He snaps at me all of the time. He spends most of his money on it. He gets paranoid that I am seeing other people. He’s paranoid in general. Yesterday we had a massive argument over NOTHING and he locked me out of the house. I had to stay at his mums. Is it time to leave?? I tried compromising (you know said the weekends is fine) but I can’t take his crap anymore and he’s not listening. Up till now we have had a nearly perfect relationship and I just don’t know what to do!!
written by RESPECT, 11 March, 2012
My girlfriend (now ex) and I had dated on and off for nearly 7 years. When we fist started dating again after a three year break, she told me she did not want me to use cannabis. For me this was an huge issue, because I was in the process of getting my medical marijuana card. At the time I had decided that I would rather use a natural herb to deal with my intractable pain rather than the man made poison being pushed consistently onto the populace. Reluctantly I agreed not to pursue getting the card and agreed not to use cannabis. On the few occasions that I did, she was aware of it and I did not try to hide it. Fast forward several years....... My GF of her own volition, obtained her own MMJ card and attempted to grow and use it herself. Seeing a change in her attitude, I also got my MMJ card. Fast forward several months...... In another total about face, she scrapped her attempt at growing and using cannabis and returned to her former stance that she would not put up with or deal with someone who uses it. She warned me that if I continued to pursue MMJ for my medical use that she would end our relationship. I balked at her demands, because she herself decided to try its use voluntarily of her own accord for medical reasons and then decided that she did not like it. To me this sent totally opposing and conflicting messages to me about her expectations and to make matters worse, I became resentful toward her. How does she get off telling me that she does not want me using my authorized pain medication when she herself had freely chose to try to do exactly what she expects me not to? I have never allowed marijuana to interfere with my obligations. prior to getting my MMJ card and dating her, I would smoke, but not on a consistent basis and only in closed homelike environments. My biggest question is, why do women feel so threatened by this plant? It seems that on almost everything I read regarding this subject, women equate using marijuana to cheating or lying. Do yourselves a favor ladies. If you decide to date a fellow who uses marijuana even occasionally and you know about it when you meet him, do NOT hold any real expectation that he should quit. If the guy is dating you, then reason would have it that he should NOT be expected to quit unless he decides it is in his interest to, NOT yours. It is called RESPECT. If you do not want to be with someone who uses cannabis, do not expect that person to change for you. Instead, do not date that person in the first place. You are not doing either one of you a favor by trying to "save" him when most likely in his mind what he believes he is doing has no bearing on the relationship and is a natural God given right. In all honesty, can you say you would put up with a man who tried to force you to get an abortion if say you were pregnant and you wanted to have the child? It is about personal choice and freedom, which can and do succeed in relationships. When people try to assert their will over others, the end result is almost always a negative outcome. Compromise with the individual you are with and there wont be any lies or broken trust. If you make unreasonable demands however, expect that one or both of you are going to suffer hurt and heartache. As in the case with me. I just informed my GF that I no longer wanted to be with her even though I love her dearly. Marijuana use at least for me Isn’t the issue or deciding factor. What is the deciding factor is that she made unreasonable demands of me. The biggest factor is that she did not hold herself to the same demands she expected me to. What a slap in the face. Can you say CONTROL any bigger? The lesson is, do not try to change the people you love. Accept them for who they are and in time you should find that the respect you give them, will most likely be returned in kind. For all of you who say "If he/she loves you he will stop doing it." My answer to you is this. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, YOU WILL LOVE THEM WITHOUT SETTING CONDITIONS WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE THEM TO FAIL WHERE OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NOT HAVE. LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST CHANGE SOMEONE, THEN CHANGE YOURSELF, AS TRULY THAT IS THE ONLY PERSON YOU ARE WHOLLY CAPABLE OF CHANGING. Also, do not buy into the propaganda. Do the research and look at the issue from both sides of the isle. You just might learn a thing or two.
written by Hmm..not so lonely?, 14 March, 2012
Well, it’s good to see some support on here, like what Respect stated makes perfect sense. I have a similar situation:

When I [being the girlfriend of the relationship] first began to date my boyfriend, he was an everyday user of marijuana. As far as I know, he had smoked for several years. I had also been smoking marijuana recreationally for almost a year prior to meeting him, and we actually got to know each other over a few blunts after we would get off of work at night. Things were perfectly fine with us and we were a very understanding, compromising couple. Fast forward a little over a year into the relationship, and the compromise and understanding seems to be a factor only found in my side of things. (I mean, I even have the Japanese symbol for compromise as the only tattoo I have placed the back of my neck. I think it is the key to all successful family, friendly, or romantic relationships.) Anyways, around new years, my boyfriend decided he was done with smoking. He also cut out smoking cigarettes also because he has had some trouble with chest pains. I supported him through this since it is what he wanted to do, and health wise for him, it was an improvement. However, he recently decided that this horrible "drug" of marijuana can no longer be present in his life. We live together now, and he does not want it in his house, his cars, or to be a part of his, or my life, at all. He also insisted that I quit smoking it or I could choose it over him. He gave me an ultimatum. I tried to explain how this wasn’t quite fair and honestly rather hypocritical of him, since he had even had a few tokes with friends occasionally since "quitting", the last instance being less than a week before this fight. One of my points during the argument: this "drug" he couldn’t stand for him or me to be around was still in his system as we were fighting at that very moment. I understand that some people feel they want nothing to do the "drug" marijuana, but this change in his view toward it and the expectation that I should abide to his personal change of heart on the subject and also leave it be was sudden and unfair. So to simmer things out for a little while, I lied about smoking. I did it when he was at work and hid this fact from him. I wanted to remain with him because I knew what an amazing couple we had become, but after having an ultimatum pointed toward me with unclean hands, I wasn’t sure how to handle this new found situation, so I lied. However, he has recently caught me or found something that would indicate I am still smoking. He hasn’t given me an ultimatum again, but I explained after the last instance that I just need a little bit of time that I was never allowed to come to terms with this and basically have a goodbye rather than a sudden change occur with my use of marijuana. After all, its the least he could do to understand what I asked of him. Quitting anything like that, just as with cigarettes, needs a little time for mental preparation or you can be set up for failure and possibly, more lying occurring. But at the drop of a dime, I cannot be suddenly ready to quit, especially something that I do not consider a drug rather than a plant who’s use greatly improves the pain from the knots I have in my back. (Being a waitress is physically harder than I ever could have imagined, but that’s off-topic.) So after the lies were found out, we argued a little but he still wants me to quit. Of course, I am willing to quit, but I’d rather do that on my own terms. It helps incredibly with my pain while I am at this current job. For the classes and career I have planned for the future, I will not be smoking at all since they will be medically related and I do not want to be irresponsible and have marijuana disturb important factors of my life such as a career. And although my relationship is one of the very most important things to me, I feel his request was very unfair under the circumstances. Does my boyfriend’s view or my view on this subject make any sense to anyone else, preferably someone who does not judge me solely for the fact that I smoke marijuana? Any rational feedback over this would be appreciated. Thank you and have a wonderful day! =)
written by BREAK UP INDEED, 17 April, 2012
If someone doesn’t want to change for themselves/their health/productivity then don’t expect they will change for you either-regardless of the relationship. Marijuana usage is often a self medicating crutch for the user, they will tell you, it helps their stomach pain, muscles, relaxation, sleeping problems, anxiety that comes with life, helps their apatite, helps stop smoking cigarettes, helps their concentration, or it just helps them socialize......all these are excuses!!! My ex defended it with research and these excuses...the truth is ...these excuses were used so he could maintain a consistent everyday usage of pot and he wanted me to accept it.No! Looking deeper into himself we both realized his usage was a bandaid for many much larger emotional problems, addictive behaviors, and continual lying. For him to "need" it everyday and all these time means he has to escape from reality really want a partner that isn’t really "with" you and needs help coping with just everyday living problems?? Raise the stakes....can they still preform in a real crisis?? NO! Its called a recreational drug but in many of these cases its a crutch for people that need help with just coping with life. Pot won’t fix it.The usage will accelerate and your relationship will suffer. I broke up with him the second time he lied about pot use....he chose it over us.... refusing or not being ready to look into himself and real issues beyond the pot use is why I think he really broke us up. I SAY WALK. DON’T COMPROMISE YOURSELF AND YOUR VALUES. IT OPENS A DOOR TO FUTURE PROBLEMS.YOU CAN’T FIX WHAT DOESN’T WANT TO BE FIXED. RELATIONSHIPS TAKE TWO!
written by Lizzie G, 29 June, 2012
Wow. I came on here today because I just found out my fiance has started smoking again more often, and going so far as to hide it completely from me by purchasing some and burying it behind a tree across the street where we live.

When I first met him, he was a hardcore pothead. Everyday, all the time. Everything revolved around his next high. Things slowly changed the longer we were together, with ups and downs of course. Around end of last year he decided he wanted to quit. He did, for maybe 2 weeks. Then slowed down for a while but picked right back up.

The major problem has been his friends. When you surround yourself with potheads, and develop relationships with people who are addicts, then try to have no friends who are there for you. This last time he quit, he had to cut contact with his friends by constantly dodging their calls or scheduling events to go to. It worked. He stayed clean for a whole month. Mind you he’s smoking 16 years of his life. Then the one friend who always smoked with him, called to say he would hang out with him without bringing it around him. So they went out one night. Low and behold the friend offered him to smoke and BAM there he was. A week later he failed a drug test to get him a new job. Back to square one.

He said that he was upset he had done it, would follow through with quitting...etc. etc. But he won’t drop this friend. Or really any of his friends, in fact. Telling him they are toxic is like telling a fat kid that ice cream is bad for them. The addiction is worse than I expected, of course. Now, after he’s supposedly been clean for 2 weeks...he tells me last night (while drunk) about smoking by hiding it across the street and he even laughed when I was upset. He bragged that he had went to an interview high and got the job. I asked him in all honestly what he plans to do now, since we are looking to move somewhere new in 3 months.

He told me he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t smoke where we will live. Can’t guarantee? You can’t guarantee that you won’t put your best friend/fiance at risk of the negative consequences like jail time, legal fees, loss of job, etc. – if you are caught smoking at home. He denies the risks and keeps laughing.

People like these, these boys, not men, are hopelessly avoiding issues they haven’t resolved. Addictions are terrible, especially if they never run their course. He has been bragging to people he has quit but now I see his lies and don’t understand why it hurts so much.

I love this person with all my heart. He has been helping me overcome my own struggles (weight loss), and we have been through a lot together. So I decide to keep pushing forward in the hopes that we can tackle this together. Because I do know how strong he is, and at some point he will stop defending this stupid drug and realize it’s nothing but toxic to everything in his life. He’s never held a job longer than 6 months, never finished high school, lost his license while high, and ruined relationships with family over this.

So to anyone reading this who defends this drug and says it is not addictive...has never met anyone addicted to pot.
written by Afedup, 20 July, 2012
Who says pot isn’t addictive? People lie about it and can’t even choose important things as family over pot it is addictive and illegal. Also the fake crap the put out isn’t any better it may even be worse.
written by Aventurine, 14 August, 2012
Wow, boy oh boy does this post hit home for me smilies/cry.gif My now ex not only smokes weed every day, many times a day.. he is also dealing it.. I overlooked the smoking it, despite not being a smoker myself, it never "seemed" to do him any harm, well if you don’t count his chronic sleep apnea and chest problems. And he would do his best to avoid smoking it around me. He’s done it for 30 years so I figured why even try to stop him, except that I didn’t want him to become ill.. and it seemed like endless joints were making him that way. It never made him aggressive, but he would be paranoid and his hands would shake if he didn’t get it and always calmed now and was much nicer afterwards. I disagree with people who say it isn’t addictive as he seriously needed it but of course would never admit to needing it...

Well there were some odd signs which at first I ignored/overlooked/explained away.. people knocking on the window when sometimes at 2 am. we didn’t live together so this would be the times I had gone to stay over. He would get up and pass something out of the window and at first I didn’t realize.. I checked in his wardrobe where he had gone to fetch the little packet and found a couple of small bits of hash so I thought perhaps it was just a favour for a smoker friend. He always seemed very hyper aware of the police and didn’t like me to talk to people.. in case they were the police. And one night we were just on our way out and this mate called him and told him to “get back here NOW!!”. He wouldn’t tell me why but we had to go all the way back home and after furtive conversation with this “friend”, it transpired that he had though an unmarked police car might have been parked on his street.

Durrr… how come I didn’t put two and two together? There were a lot more strange things but the clincher – one day he was really keen for me to go out as a "friend" was coming by. I decided to head out for a walk and said I’d be at least 45 minutes. I gave it a bit longer. I met the friend on the way out, seemed “friendly” enough but was briefly introduced and didn’t hang about. When I got back said friend was gone and boyfriend was relaxing. We decided to take a nap, he got undressed and hopped into bed. He asked me if I would do him a favour and get his phone out of his pocket as he needed to talk to someone and I wasn’t in bed as yet. Well what a surprise when I put my hand into his pocket and out came not a mobile phone but a massive sausage shaped lump of cannabis. I said ermmmm, oops and looked at him and said where on earth did this come from. He had expected me to go into a different pocket…. He told me it “wasn’t his” and then.. “it’s to share with mates” Now I’m not stupid and for 2 or 3 mates to smoke that much dope would take a loooooooooooooong time. It must have been around 500 – 700 Euros worth. He said put it back, put it back!! I did and then went to the loo. From the loo I heard him moving about and of course, it had disappeared without trace.

Silly me for hanging around only to discover the man I love(d) not only is part of a dealing ring, but to have major suspicions about his “friend” who ALWAYS has money and nice watches etc, as in 1,000 Euro models, and seems to have a lot of very young Thai-looking women in tow… pimping too? And before actually ending it – there was a lot more wrong with this relationship though – my now ex became paranoid, verbally abusive and downright nasty.. and this was after I had a cancerous cells removed which could have spread and luckily didn’t. I have done nothing about this i.e. haven’t gone to the police, I figure they will get caught eventually and don’t want to be implicated in any way, as my parents reckon if I did report him and his cronies the police would check who he has been in contact with and the fact that I know makes me guilty..

Phew.. I have been grieving the end of this toxic “relationship”.. so much more to tell, but which isn’t drug-related – but bad enough!! Hope I haven’t hijacked this thread but this feels soooo cathartic!

written by Aventurine, 14 August, 2012 a footnote kind of to my post which is still being approved, I have to also add that my ex hasn’t had a job for a very long time, i.e. over 4/5 years, doesn’t bother to look for one, constantly asking me for money, as in do you have 100 Euros spare... which I rarely ever expected back.... if I had stayed with him his problems using and dealing would have bled me dry, he has very little motivation to do anything much other than look forward to rolling his first joint around 3 in the afternoon.. and then smoking another 3/4 that I knew about. One of the last straws apart from discovering the dealing (which he of course denies to this day), was watching a toothless old "mate" turn up with some weed, whilst his son was in the same room (6 years old, from his second marriage) and proceed to roll a joint and start smoking it.. in front of his son. I took his son outside but didn’t half give the ex a good "bollocking" after he’d taken him home to his mother. Now I realise it’s a really really good thing his mother is bringing him up. In fact his smoking problem was cited in their divorce and I think she knew all about the dealing too. So to all you people who defend the lovely bud, I get where you are all coming from, but for some people it destroys their lives. My ex is in his late forties and has ruined his now. he has nowhere to live, no relationship, no job, no money, is banned from seeing his son and all his friends are stoner-users. Just make sure you don’t end up where he is. It’s not pretty.
written by M dog, 25 August, 2012
For all you people complaining about your significant others smoking weed my advice to u is to either drop it and start smoking too or move on. They aren’t doing anytime wrong to anyone. Society has conformed us to think that weed is bad when its actually better than drinking that poison called alcohol. Ain’t nothing wrong with using a little bit of weed to relax a bit. I bet if you were to smoke with your bf/gf you’d notice how much closer and open you would be to 1 another.
written by dave mora, 31 August, 2012
Hi everybody my name is Dave and I am 21years old. I have been with a beautiful smart girl who always wanted what was best for me after my parents left to Colombia and I was left here on my own @ age 17 I went trough a big depression she always was the best ...I began to smoke pot because I was by myself a lot and it would help me get some sleep @ nights I wake up always around 2-3 pot would help my anxiety but than my girlfriend started to ask for me to stop if I really loved her I don’t know what it is till these day that made me be so selfish I feel it was the bad energy where I lived I had a roommate and we would always smoke in our apartment with other so called friends I say this because my girlfriend of almost 3 years finally had enough of me not doing my part and going back on my word I’m responsible for my own actions. I feel so alone now with out her I really feel like is the love of my life I destroyed I became so dependent
On it that I was to blind to see my love slipping away. Now 5 weeks of being alone I moved out my place and cut off all bad influences I feel is too late because she won’t answer calls or text blocked me on Facebook and she told my mom she feels bad that I’m hurting right now but that I have lied and used her as a cripple that I make messes and always make her clean them up and I can’t blame her for leaving. So now I’m here working on my self trying to put my life back together and its really tuff because she was the only person here for me I lost more than a girlfriend I lost my best friend. I’m scared because I have been thinking about ending it because the guilty and pain of a broken heart is too much on top of hath I am an immigrant in this country and its so hard to get right get a job and continue to better my self I really am lost with out her and yeah time heals all wounds and helps you forget but I can’t and don’t want to move on @ all I feel she is the women I want o marry and I know I am young what should I do why is that we always don’t realize what we have till its gone why did I take her for granted when nothing in this world is for sure. Good thing is that I kicked the habit and have hatred towards it but talk about being late if only I had not gone back on my word if only I had done what was right all along please some one help me guide me through this. What should I do?

written by Tim C, 05 September, 2012
I’m just going say, some of you are very stupid. I know a lot of people don’t like weed, but is it really worth throwing away a relationship?? Yeah some people are unmotivated and lazy when weed is in their lives, but some people are perfectly capable of smoking and also staying active and productive. Have I smoked weed? I do occasionally. But if I had never smoked, I would have never realized some of the things I know now. Smoking helped me sort out a lot of my problems and worries, and I can say I am definitely a better person now because of the things I’ve realized. I smoked my first time in my sophomore summer of high school, literally became a stoner, my grades went from Ds and Cs to all As and one B both of my next years in school. I also became more social and less depressed, started playing my guitar, skating more,and joined ROP for firefighting. I am now enrolled in a community college, which I might not have even done if I had never gained the knowledge and confidence that smoking gave me. I’m not saying all people who smoke are like this, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It opens some people’s minds. Chronic/daily use is usually counterproductive, but don’t give up on someone just because they smoke weed. Just thank god they aren’t doing REAL drugs,like meth, or even alcohol is more dangerous. It turned my life around and I know I’m not the only one. Try asking your significant other to not bring it around you, and if things are going alright, don’t get your panties in a bunch.

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