Past Comments – My girlfriend lied to me about seeing her ex

Soulful male
written by r2excels, 09 December, 2006

Dear friend,

your girlfriend is lying because she cannot properly express herself. She has a self-perceived "need" for the relationship with you for whatever reason....

Amongst them... co-dependency, low self-esteem, self loathing, insecurity... as they are all fused, varying in degree and all interconnected.

From what you say, she is probably having an affair with her ex. It doesn’t make her bad, wrong, or awful...

It just is what it is. Can you accept who she really is? Do you love her for who she is?

You can love her and still decide not to be in that type of relationship. You may decide to stay or maybe not, keep an open mind, and an open heart.

People usually hurt others because they themselves have inner-pain, inner-anger, and are "broken" to some degree.

It is what it is. No one is perfect, we are at varying levels in the evolution of our beings.

it seems to me that you should just open it up and say hey, I feel like you are lying to me. This is not a good feeling for me to have about you and if we cannot both actively transform it through our relationship, I will be obligated to leave you in our own best interest... etc., etc.

Good luck brother... I know the situation.... many blessings!

-r

written by Sam Robers, 31 July, 2009

Leave her. simple as that.

written by tim banana, 25 August, 2009

i had almost the exact same situation happen. almost exactly. i dumped her immediately and didn’t look back. although... this article is insightful though. read this article and apply it to your NEXT relationship. in other words, train yourself to react to bad news in a positive manner. promote open behavior, etc. but now this love is tainted because you may never fully trust her. i would leave, although i don’t think you’re stupid for staying with her.

"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me."

written by Jer T., 23 November, 2009

Best thing to do is drop a woman who is still spending time and sneaking around with an X...especially an X who she had such a long relationship with. It’s happened to me and when I found out about her seeing her X and presumably sleeping with him, I dropped her, even though I loved her a lot. Thing is, you gotta love yourself too. You have to respect yourself enough to say "I can do better than this. I can find a woman who isn’t lieing, sneaking around and basically trying to have me and someone else too. The key is CUTTING IT OFF CLEAN. Do not get emotional. Just simply tell her "You have lied to me and done things that show me you are not the type of person I want to spend time with or get attached to. I deserve more respect than this, and obviously you are needing to branch off to find happiness. Lets cut the BS and both move on". Then do NOT respond to her texts or calls. Cut her off clean. OH, it will hurt for a few months. You’ll wonder about her and assume she is with someone else doing who knows what...but there are millions of women out there who are more mature, less selfish and much more honest. Go find one. Immerse yourself in dating other hot chicks and you will soon enough forget about your X and realize you should have dumped her much sooner. Its not easy, but this is the wise and mature course of action more people should take. We usually (including myself) learn once the hard way, and after that when you see red flags you Next Her Immediately.

written by this site is nice, 07 February, 2010

but mannnnn do i feel some hatred for the Y chromosome! i understand, men are typically shithead good-for-nothins. but the ones that are not, are real true amazing people who FEEL ya know. FUCK this site frankly, for saying that could have been because of her reactions, and yeah, you did make it sound like she did less than she did.

everyone who’s replied has had some great wise words to say, i must say... whether its saying leave or love, its all compassionate in one way or another.

going through a verrrry verrrry similar situation.... and honestly... i am no longer "in it" for us, for the sex, for anything... anything but, i am a person who cannot bare to stand a lie. i need truth, it is like air to me... so im sticking through bullshit just to see if i can maybe help one person, one person who has made me feel wanted and needed, and also part of a family, something i hadnt felt since early gradeschool. but also someone who is the only one who can hurt me, and decided to exercise that rite, for some reason. youd think all the things you COULD ask for.. i say could because i always took care of her needs, and her wants were naturally in line with what i give to a woman i love, so basically she never had to ask. and shes brainwashed by some fuckface.

its really lame. everytime i bring anything up, its a big deal, she knows how smart i am. she does not understand how to tell more truth than what is asked, she knows how to compile more lies when something is asked, but other than that...

so make your own decision, i am attempting to help someone get over a habit, and really, an addiction, that will cause them pain throughout the rest of their life, and itll be hard, but to change one persons disgusting habit, it gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. im an expert in turning my back on someone when they are no longer necessary. or even worse, hindering... or even WORSE, dependent... on me. ive HAD to learn this kinda for my own survival. everyone needs to learn, there is always someone different out there, they wont be the same, but shit, youll DEFINITELY REALIZE, you didnt WANT what you had anyways. evolve. show love. to YOURSELF!

time for a cig =)

take care

written by Just Another Guy, 22 April, 2010

Hello there,
Well, I read your situation and I feel very much part of it because I just caught my girl talking to her ex in Facebook and aim. She lied and she swears that they only talked and that never met up. She messed up our relationship and I don’t trust her now. I have decided to give her a chance but it isn’t the same. What I will do to ease the pain of losing her is not getting to attached to her anymore. I will take all this time to get used to the idea of not being with her anymore and if in the future if I have a good reason like her lying to me again or me finding someone better, then I will leave her and the pain shouldn’t be too bad.
Good luck.

written by Vharvey, 17 December, 2010

I’m sorry about it man. I was in a similar situation and was lied to three times. The last two times she was moving back to ND to "’be with her mom". Believe me dude if she lies to you once shell do it again.( she doesn’t respect you as a man) Drop her like a bad habit. Your better than that there are way too many good women out there. Do what I did , find a really hot girl and send a pic to your ex with your new g friend and you posing together lol sweet revenge

written by scott 24, 05 January, 2011

I’ve just ended my relationship after 18 months after I found out she has been seeing her ex for the last and telling him that she wasn’t with me. As I work away, this was very convenient for her as she could see him Monday to Thursday and me for the rest of the week. Eventually it all came out when he came round when I was there, after a lot of arguments and phone calls me and him went for a drink to find out exactly what has been going on, it turns out she has been seeing us both and telling both of us she isn’t seeing him/me, on the weekend (when I was home) she was (to busy) with friends/family/working etc to see him. She has told me she won’t see him anymore and she wants it to work but it was never the same. i ended up resenting her and had to end it. She has a child with another man and told me that was why she kept in contact with her ex as he had been there since the child was very young and they had a bond but he has told me when ever he/she phoned he had to ask to speak to the child and she was more concerned with talking with him than the child talking. I believe personally that if she lies to you about seeing a ex then there is still something there and there’s nothing you can do about it. She’s got her own mind and will do whatever will make her happy

written by..., 07 May, 2011

been with my girl for almost 3 years. first time i caught her lying to me about talking and seeing her ex. right to my face. i forgave she said she wouldnt do it again. now towards the end she did it again this time with a different ex. im done with guessing what if. im done with her now.

written by Stupid fool, 28 July, 2011

Yeh I know what it’s like, as soon as I broke up with my gf after catching her talking some serious stuff to her ex, she said it meant nothing and was only words but that same day she went straight to her ex and started a relationship, after a week or so I called her and had a really good talk and the same for the next day I thought things would get better. but she asked me if I was seeing anyone I wasn’t I asked her and she said no but I found out she had been seeing him the whole time we broke up, she blatantly lied to me I’m sick of the BS, I have better respect for myself than dealing with this.

written by jeff29, 12 October, 2011

"written by Jer T., 23 November, 2009
Best thing to do is drop a woman who is still spending time and sneaking around with an X...especially an X who she had such a long relationship with. It’s happened to me and when I found out about her seeing her X and presumably sleeping with him, I dropped her, even though I loved her a lot. Thing is, you gotta love yourself too. You have to respect yourself enough to say "I can do better than this. I can find a woman who isn’t lieing, sneaking around and basically trying to have me and someone else too. The key is CUTTING IT OFF CLEAN. Do not get emotional. Just simply tell her "You have lied to me and done things that show me you are not the type of person I want to spend time with or get attached to. I deserve more respect than this, and obviously you are needing to branch off to find happiness. Lets cut the BS and both move on". Then do NOT respond to her texts or calls. Cut her off clean. OH, it will hurt for a few months. You’ll wonder about her and assume she is with someone else doing who knows what...but there are millions of women out there who are more mature, less selfish and much more honest. Go find one. Immerse yourself in dating other hot chicks and you will soon enough forget about your X and realize you should have dumped her much sooner. Its not easy, but this is the wise and mature course of action more people should take. We usually (including myself) learn once the hard way, and after that when you see red flags you Next Her Immediately. "

my friend – you are so right... thanks for a thoughtful well written comment – its the course of action I have just taken and know its the right thing to do.. why? because thats what my instincts told me to do 6 months ago...

written by nicenthic, 15 October, 2011

I would love to blank the hell out of a girl who lets other guys, gay or not, lick shots off her chest. But date her? Not in a million years.

Guys, we have been born with the innate ability to keep sex separate from our emotions. Most girls do not have this ability. Once you have sex with a girl, she starts heavily investing herself in you. But it’s up to you to keep your emotions well guarded when dealing with sluts. For most semi-intelligent blokes who’ve had at least some action in his life, this is quite easy to do. But it’s not so easy for a young guy with his first few lays. This is when he might put his heart and soul into a bad apple (read: slut). He will get burned and then learn from it.

The real morons are the guys who don’t learn and invest themselves again in a another slut and possibly marry her. Then they lose a lot more than their hurt feelings – they could be stuck with alimony, child support and even a lost house. Now that’s a lesson they wont forget!

Learn some game theory and see how your mindset changes completely. You will be in power and every girl will just be another social experiment and possibly another conquest when you get good at it. You will understand women better than you can possibly imagine and use this new-found power to your benefit socially and in your personal life.

written by Kiwi guy, 19 October, 2011

I know it’s a cliche but the best I can come up with is "if it feels wrong it probably is wrong".

If it feels wrong that a bf or gf is behaving in a certain way, such a texting or meeting an ex behind yr back, get out!! Yr value systems may be incompatible with each other, and that is fatal.

Some couples are fine with that sort of thing, and they eventually find each other. For the rest of us though, it’s not right and points to a world of future unnecessary pain... Listen to your inner voice and Get out if it feels wrong, loads of good boys and girls out there that will act with a bit of respect and fidelity...

written by ehsan, 31 October, 2011

friend this is nothing just dump her

written by Jack82, 01 November, 2011

Sneaking around with an ex behind your back? Get out now. You’ll either go crazy dealing with that manipulative selfish shit or you’ll be regretting it if she does eventually go back to the ex. Either way she ain’t treating you with any respect...

written by Frank123, 20 November, 2011

I recently broke up with a girl that I found out was meeting her ex behind my back and in contact with him despite telling me she wasn’t. I think she was trying to keep him hanging on for whatever reason. Maybe she still loved him, maybe she was just liking attention, maybe a combination of reasons. Even though I don’t think she was sleeping with him I ended it as the lies were major red flags and who knows what could come along with the girl if she was at that. I loved her and would have done anything for her and it hurt ending it, but I figured she had effectively made my decision for me by introducing lies and deceitful behaviour into
what we had. Right now I feel relief and that it was a lucky escape, although the fact that Im banging a much hotter chick helps lol...

written by imfo bro, 21 November, 2011

I have recently just gone through this like last night as many people say it wont work the only way is if you dont care and just use the girl sorry girls but a cheating girl should deserve this im blunt but this is an emotional kick to you use her or slam the door in her slut face ok bud get over it

written by I knew better, 26 November, 2011

Found this site earlier this week and have found a lot of the shared stories very enlightening. My situation was no different, but the girl I was seeing was upfront to a point with her current situation with her ex. Her ex was her ex affair partner, that she broke up with about 1 1/2 yrs. ago. She went from him to her last boyfriend in a week’s time. After a two month cooling off period, she re-established contact and friendship with her ex-affair partner. She continued her relationship with both. She ended her last relationship with her last boyfriend months ago. Her ex-affair partner to this day remains in the picture. She didn’t lie about to me, but when you get the truth about the subject, bit by bit by bit, you are promoting yourself as a sneak. She said that they were always at the same company functions, etc......and she would always care about him as a "friend". This, after the ex told her he would never leave his wife for her, she proceeded to carry on a 14-month affair with him. It broke her marriage up. Her husband caught the both of them. This was three years ago. She told me that they never talked, then said that she would be cordial towards him, if they were in the same place, but the thing that struck me odd was that, if there was a company function or a function involving mutual friends, they were always in the same place together. She also stated that she was still friends with alot of her other ex’s, and she found it odd that I wasn’t with mine. Explained to her that my ex-girlfriends were ex’s for a reason. Add to that, all the other men that she felt like throwing in my face, and it didn’t take long for me to show her the door. There were red flags all over the place with her. Tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the it was bad enough her having her other ex’s to fall back on........still having your ex-affair partner in your life was something I wasn’t going to tolerate. I walked. This "relationship" lasted seven weeks tops. Life goes on folks. Something better awaits us!

written by Fooman, 28 November, 2011

ive went through something the same......my gf had an ex that she said was the worst relationship ever then after about 2 mon of dating i catch her talking to him...... then 3 mon down the road i catch her again....hes sending money to her......she said it was her money and that he owed it to her....BS!!!!!.....and now this moment the ex msgs me on FB and gives me all the photos that they took...... but she has been there for me thick and thin.....i dont know what to think or do!!! plzzzzz help

written by Give me a freaking break, 03 December, 2011

So basically what this article is saying.. Is that it is the guys fault she is lying and cheating right??...How he reacts?...Really??...I will tell you this...In any relationship...If one partner can’t do what they are lying about in front of the other...Then they probably should NOT be doing it...Give me a freaking break...She lies about being with another man because he may react poorly...Yeah whatever...Maybe she should ask if he has a problem with her being with another man or her ex, first...Hey there is an idea...Find out if its cool to be cheating..Say "Hey do you mind if i go bang my ex or some other dude?"...Because i guarantee she would not like it if he pulled that crap on her...And then tried to say "I lied about cheating on you because you don’t accept the truth well when I tell you I cheated"...really??? really???...Did a cheating woman write this or what?...Break up with her...She is cheating on your ass...The response to his question is that it is his fault she is lying and cheating...What ever happened to taking responsibility for your own action...give it a rest with that crappy ass response...

written by Grow up fellas, 05 December, 2011

Don’t listen to bullshit advise. If a girl is fucking you around such as by lying or doing whatever that involves another guy LEAVE HER you goodamn fools. What are you hanging around for. You want her to serve you your balls in a cocktail glass some night you come home from work. Accept she ain’t the one and move on. Don’t be so fucking pussy whipped. She’s making your life a misery. LEAVE HER.

written by stevo, 08 December, 2011

wow this has opened my eyes thanks a lot peeps. I was in the same situation just grow a pair and move one. Its for the best you dont want to be thinking of what she does when she is out with the girls. If its one lie there are many more to come.

written by darraj, 12 January, 2012

I need help... my girl lied to be about something big but i took her back. now she lies about talking to other guys i know she talks to. she is on my phone plan and I can see who she talks to but every time i ask her, she says she only talks to me.. whats should I do.. I love her but I cant be in a long distance relationship with someone that lies to me every day.

written by tlkno1, 21 February, 2012

Stay outta each others s**t and just be happy!

written by knv, 22 February, 2012

My ex has lied to me numerous times , I’ve ended it and forgiven her, taking her back at least three times so far. This last time was it.. She left me walked out and I told her it was it. She now calls and text when she wants but I don’t respond. I talked to her ex and he said he had no idea she was still talking to me and she had wanted him to marry her. WOW. This took me by suprise. Why was she even with me. I feel so used. But whatever , Im not contacting her or answering her. Shes steadily getting upset but honestly I wish her the best as my love was real for her.

written by Zeke, 29 February, 2012

I am having an affair with a girl who is still occassioanlly texting her ex. She said they were friends before and now after they used to screw. Is she seeing him out of spite b/c I am married? I looked at the texts nothing damning and very infrquent. She did ask him out he day after she learned my wife had a child. Nothing happened. We love each other bt she isn’t telling me what the texts revealed. What should I do if I want to keep her? What should I do o end their relationship?

written by wingedEagle, 03 May, 2012

the only advice I can offer is, look after number one!!!

written by LeoVegas, 03 July, 2012

“Whenever there is no doubt, there actually is.”
– Ronin spinoff

I know how it feels. I went up north to work for 3 weeks and on my first day gone she called some guy she had a fling with in the past to help her fix the toilet, it turns out they were talking at least twice per month. I do not know the full extent of their relationship just that it’s very secretive. They met online and she never even admitted he existed until I audited her phone bills.

Also, I found out her ex-bf came and stayed on our couch, she admitted this only after I confronted her that day. I was really pissed and told her to kick him out and she told me she did. I even asked her repeatedly if he was gone and she repeatedly called me paranoid and said he was gone. When I came back to town I questioned her on it and she got her kid to tell me he was only on the couch for one day (against my will I didn’t want the kid involved). I had a strong suspicion she was still lying so after intense interrogation I bluffed and said I had a friend come to look in the window, she took the bait and admitted he spent an entire week at our house. Her excuse is that he had nowhere to go.

It is messed up when you are in love and this shit goes down. What I have mentioned above is just the tip of the iceberg. I want to thank Grow up fellas for his comment, it’s the best advice I have gotten and will help me sleep tonight.

written by Casper, 08 September, 2012

Hey guys, Iv had a read of what you have all been through, haha maybe we all meet one or two women like this thru out our lives, I’m currently seeing a chick whom I thought was the be all end all, however I know she is still seeing her ex, iv seen texts in her phone from him at 0340 in the morning, and she has met up with him to have a coffee, every time we fight she always mentions that she left the best BF that she ever had for me, so i guess once a cheat always a cheat, mind you I did cheat to get her, however like I said I thought she was the be all end all, until this happened I know I can do a lot better then what iv got, as good as she is I know she will give me grief if i stay with her.

written by Speaks from experience, 05 January, 2013

Ask yourself if you would do that to her. If the answer is no, you do NOT have to forgive her. There is a reason these things happen and I truly believe it wouldn’t happen if you are meant to be together. I know, because I could never cheat on someone I would never want to loose. And even though it may seem hard to believe at the moment, there is definitely someone better for you out there.

written by 7 years of pain, plus 6 more, 26 January, 2013

First of All, experience thank you for your words, they tell what true love is about.

I was with someone for seven years, it was horrible.. she was abusive physically and emotionally. I am also sure she cheated on me with probably a few men. When someone does that to another person, the other person starts feeling less than human, and if you don’t love yourself,you start believing there is something wrong with you, when actuality the other person is screwed in the head. I stayed in that relationship because I wanted to prove to her that I was worth being with her, when in actuality I should have been running as far as possible from her.

We finally broke up with her, basically because I didn’t like the way she was and I started to stand up. I broke up with her, but felt bad so three days I asked her back...and she told me she had moved on an was again dating her ex of seven years ago.

Over the past six years we stayed in communication, but because she has been in my life. I have not been able to move on, for sometime she kept telling me she was single, but if it doesn’t wound right it is not. Recently, I just decided it was time to move on and find someone....bad relationship where people lie and cheat suck and are not good...why be with someone that will rather be with someone than to be with you...they are just sick in the head because they are miserable and like black holes it doesn’t matter what you do for them, they will just take advantage and continue hurting...so time to move on and start loving yourself.

written by 7 years of pain, plus 6 more, 26 January, 2013

You have to move on, like experience mentioned, if someone truly loves you they will not do things to hurt you. She is playing games with you, and unfortunately it seems as if she is hitting your ego. A lot of times when that happens the person hurt actually wants the person even more, so they can prove to themselves that they are worth the love of that person that is doing bad things. Love yourself and move on.....don’t waste your time with someone that only give you pain...